Tag Archives: Eye-talian

Gross Movie Reviews #674

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Wally Meets Popeye (DVD) – So leave it to the talented Indy filmmaker Steve Rudzinski to decide a fourth Popeye movie was needed in 2025! Wally Griswald returns in this feature where he has won another trip but this time to the island of…  Ohio? If you are a fan of Steve’s work you know the Wally character has been through a lot including Amityville (which there is a quick joke or two thrown in at the beginning). If you don’t know of Steve’s great filmography and like me must watch all the Popeye films, buckle up kids because this plays out like a live action old Scooby-Doo adventure without the dog and the gang! Wally excited for another free trip that somehow he has randomly won finds himself back on the detective job because of a green monster that has scared everyone away from the tropical island of Ohio. Years ago the same thing happened and the monster suddenly disappeared with help of an outsider. Now Steve and his buddy Rick who also just happens to be vacationing on the island need the help from the island’s famous sailor man Popeye. Popeye knowing of the monster has led him to convince the love of his life Olive Oyl to jump on his boat and travel to the other side of the island once he fixes it? Popeye knows all about this “Dawn Monster” legend because it keeps running away from him during fights. Its clear Popeye and the two detectives must team up to stop the reign of terror! Clarence Seybert III as Popeye and Carly Sonafelt Olive Oyl was some of the best casting of an Indy feature I have seen in years as their chemistry and handle of the characters jumps off the screen. Also there is this hilarious off script or maybe on script rant in the middle of the film between Wally and Rick that had me in almost tears laughing. Steve and crew made sure this tight low budget feature didn’t overstay its welcome, was an ass load of fun, entertaining as hell, and made sure its main characters Popeye and Olive were beyond exceptional so thanks to Steve not just continuing the “Wally” universe but giving another reason why Indy film fans should pay attention to the excellent work Mr. Rudzinski continues to do as I give this exciting project 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Shark Girl (Tubi) – A young influencer, Heidi, is pushed to go into the water at Venice Beach for her followers and to add spice for all her socials. But little do her and the douchebag she is with know that a nuclear meltdown nearby has cause the sharks to get weird. Heidi is bitten and disappears while douchebag believes Heidi just left him. That evening Heidi washes up on shore as she has a bit of a new hunger (human flesh). As Heidi continues to change as her hunger grows the word is out on the odd shark attacks along Venice Beach. After enough bodies pile up, Heidi’s friends try to stop the “shark girl” from devouring all of them. The movie has its moments but intentionally or unintentionally this movie makes you hate influencers that much more as I could only give this film 1 star.

Predator: Killer of Killers (On Demand) – So this animated feature shows us the Predator world is pretty bad ass as it takes you through a trio of stories throughout time where Predators pick up the warrior after their so-called battle. We have seen this before in the franchise but I believe this was to branch out the Predator world that much more after the success of ‘Prey’ which was a lot of fun. Will we ever get the one with Arnold that we all wanted most likely not? But I still enjoy stuff like this where the warriors have to face off with something even more imposing as I cannot wait to see where they go next as I give this story 3 ½ stars.

Fear Below (Tubi) – An Australian shark film with mobsters and set in the 40s! Many crates of gold are being transported late one night until an accident finds the truck at the bottom of a waterway that just happens to have a hungry bull shark swimming nearby. The mobster looking dudes go get help from a down on their luck diving crew because they want the job of collecting the crates with no questions asked.  Finding the truck isn’t the problem, the bull shark that is on the prowl as the crew must deal with the man-eater or be shot for not retrieving the gold is. I quite enjoyed the storytelling and how fun this feature was as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Leprechaun: The Beginning (Tubi) – I can’t resist dumb shit as I watched this tale of British bootleg Leprechaun look for his gold. Years ago a man named Nigel apparently caught the Leprechaun and tortured his ass for the pot of gold that he used to build his enormous home. Now after Nigel’s death two sisters come to the house deciding what to do with it unknowing the secret of the Leprechaun? Throw in some uninspiring family drama and a four-leaf clover and the killing is on! To put it simply if this was some kind of weird thing to cash in on the original Leprechaun series… you failed terribly and way too late as I can only give this 1 star.

The Wrong Side of Town (DVD-R) – Wow Indy filmmaker Phil Herman’s first feature was a SOV action film from 1990 that has very little info on it and very little copies of the film out there. The young Phil stars, writes, and directs this 64 minute feature where he stars as Chad, a rich kid looking for a good time. After hanging out in town at a club Chad gets an invite by a lady for a party she is having the next night. Little Chad knows he is being set up from the get go to a couple young ladies needing a tire to be changed to his friend’s car being stolen from him. Chad doesn’t know it yet but he is a victim of a gang that just wants to torture the rich kid to death for fun. After escaping the gang several times Chad is pushed to kill in order to survive the ordeal. By no means had Mr. Herman had the money to pull this wild project off but the passion is what got this project over the finish line. Yeah, you may have seen better but believe me you’ll have a whole new respect for Phil Herman and what he attempted to do so young in his filmmaking days as I give the project 2 out of 4 stars.

Movies to Watch on a Rainy Afternoon Volume Two (Blu-ray) – I may never be able to pronounce Addison Binek’s correctly because of my yinzer accent but you cannot deny he is the best at riffing films. This collection from Addison’s YouTube channel tackles films such as: Incredible Melting Man, Blood Shack, Demon Queen, It Conquered the World, Night of the Cobra Woman, Frankenstein Meets the Space Monster, you are getting the picture of what he is going after. Addison shows off his knack for describing these flicks in a hilarious, quick, but knowledgeable manner as episodes are an average of 15 minutes long. His comedic touch to the riffing of the movies is something to behold and I knew I was in for a fun treat when my daughter was loving that I got something new from Addison as she has watched a lot the stuff of his over the years from ‘Movies to Watch on a Rainy Afternoon’. This collection works on a couple of levels for fans as you could watch it with friends while drinking and talk about all the movies or use it to introduce a new generation of movie fans to some older films they may never knew existed? Addison is one of the most brilliant and talented young filmmakers out there as he releases more proof why he deserves 4 out of 4 stars.

Alan (DVD-R) – The Maddie Deering film I wasn’t allowed to watch but I finally have as we had plans to do it together soon. The short film revolves around a young man named Alan who isn’t exactly sure of himself but takes a chance of asking out the cute girl Janet at the Laundromat. They hit it off at dinner as they have a few laughs and a kiss and they quickly become a couple. Alan invites his brother Dave over for dinner one evening to meet Janet. Dave is surprised Alan has a girlfriend besides not being a virgin anymore! But instead Dave gets a surprise he was not hoping for with his brother Alan. The short film is exciting and disturbing at the same time but I totally understand why Maddie wanted to revisit this material and expand it to a feature length film as I give this short film 3 out of 4 stars.

Taeter City (VHS) – Welcome to this Eye-talian feature where in the future a certain city has no crime. If there is crime, the criminals are captured and processed to be fed to other humans through a fast food chain! The “Authority” is a group of highly trained individuals who take great pleasure tracking down criminals and slaughter them. But they have their work cut out for them as there has been a mutation from humans feeding on criminals and this man is fighting back against the system by slaughtering “Authority” officers. This film quickly flies into a gory chaos with a splash of ‘Bad Taste’, the gore of ‘Violent Shit’, and the humor of in-movie advertising of a ‘Robocop’! Another reason to enjoy this feature is one member of the “Authority” looks like a bootleg version of the killer in ‘Nailgun Massacre’. The movie was quite fun with its gallons of campy gore but the one flaw for me was the ending as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Backwoods Bubba (Blu-ray) – Yes I know some of the names involved with this project but it is never a good thing when you hear from one of them saying the movie was “terrible”. As several people stressed to me to never watch it you knew I had too at some point? So some locals have gone missing in this Indy thriller all because a masked man wants to dress people up as animals to release them for his hunting pleasure outside of his isolated cottage. Bubba enjoys the hunt folks but nevermind you can see half of the cast can remove the shackles at any point. Besides the film being a bit boring I really didn’t understand what was the point to Backwoods Bubba? Why was he killing? What motivated him to kill besides his weird looking dad figure at the casino? And was the point to the casino being in the movie was for being a reference point for a pair of parents looking for their daughter? Now folks it wasn’t ‘Amityville Mt. Misery Road’ BAD but the film was still terrible and only confirmed what I had heard about the project that seems to be all forgotten these days as I give it 0 out of 4 stars. If it helps this project reeks of sounded good on paper but that version never made it on screen if that makes sense?

St. Patrick’s Day Massacre (Tubi) – An event of adultery and murder take place at a historic pub in 1825 on St. Patrick’s Day in Dublin, Ireland to set up this story 200 years later where four women get con into checking out this supposedly haunted pub. As the four friends spend the night they get a visit from the pub’s killer past looking for a slaughter as they must survive the night in order to escape? Or just keep up the boring monotone conversation that seems to drag on throughout the film as I still wait for the so called massacre… which should make it clear why I am only giving this film 1 star.

Nazi Zombies (Tubi) – Holy Rutger Hauer kids, how do you fuck something like this up? Now, I wasn’t expecting the next ‘Dead Snow’ but usually if you are going to do something with a title like that it’s gonna be fun… And it just wasn’t. A group of young women who are witches on the side if bored come up with the brilliant idea of trying to conjure something up in a haunted house where Nazi soldiers were buried. If the spell is done correctly a wish for each of the girls is granted. Awesome, well two people die at the hands of the undead ghost Nazis so let’s bring in the younger sister 15 minutes later to do it all over again because it didn’t work the first time, WTF? Best line of the film “Your witchy curse may have worked?” This movie was one big piece of hot garbage from across the pond that felt like there was no direction at any point. The true horror is knowing that dumb stuff like this exists as other cool projects done by passionate people get pushed to the side as this deserves the 0 out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

We got a couple more episodes for yinz!

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This week we return with 3 more strange flicks to mull over.  First we talk about a true hidden gem that you should all check out in 1979’s coming of age/Blaxploitation flick YOUNGBLOOD.  Then Kyle talks about a true Hollywood classic NIGHT OF THE HUNTER.  And Tim chats about a truly weird Eye-talian flick called BLOOD DELIRIUM.  We also talk about where to eat pizza.  The sights and sounds of Pittsburgh, That time Steven Segal made the best 6 minutes of movie history quite by accident, Kyle crossed the Swayze line, and a lot of other stupid shit.  We also have you listener questions, we list our favorite 80’s action flicks, and we see what the news is brewing.  So download this episode or Segal will break all of your teeth out with a cue ball wrapped in a bar towel.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

 

This time around we once again bring you three more strange and bizarre flicks to melt your face.  First Tim picks “the deadliest movie ever made” in ANTURM.  Then we pay respects to the best graboid hunter of them all Bert Gummer in TREMORS 2: AFTERSHOCKS.  And finally we have a groovy zombie movie from overseas in THE LIVING DEAD AT MANCHESTER MORGUE.  We also cover topics such as our favorite 90’s action flicks, Kyle and john’s weird Christian slater obsession, Kyle’s hatred of the Scream franchise, and we also cover your listener questions and we read all the news.  So download this episode or we will never get that Nightbreed series we’ve all been hearing about for the last 15 years.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Gross Movie Reviews #508

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Gross Movie Reviews #508

Spirit Animal (DVD) – Madeline Deering has made a love letter to The Polonia Brothers, Jon McBride, Todd Sheets, and I am sure a few others that could be mentioned from that bygone era of S.O.V. I easily could have seen myself finding this “we all thought lost 1993 S.O.V. film” in Incredibly Strange Video here in Pittsburgh, Pa.! About 1998, I was finding a lot of these S.O.V. movies from the late 80s and early 90s as independent filmmakers were already using digital video and abandoned the VHS camera. Oh what a time then but that is what makes this such an awesome and unique project as Maddie, Joe, and talented cast got a VHS camera and went into overdrive to get this dream project done. Our story begins at Camp Wannawilla many years ago where a camp counselor is speaking with kids around a campfire about “Spirit Animals”. One child takes exception to this as Aarav believes he can be all of them not just one. Of course the camp counselor meets a horrible death and the camp is closed down. Many years pass and we follow a group of friends to West Virginia on New Year’s Eve to the same Camp Wannawilla. They set up camp, tell the story, and a killer with many animal masks begins slaughtering not just the group but all who enter the woods this New Year’s Eve as a special moon is coming. The music is excellent, ending is fucking great, good editing, good cast, and Maddie puts this all together on a VHS camera, the true old school none of that gimmick shit you get with your fancy laptops and cameras these days! Independent fans rejoice and enjoy because this gets 4 out of 4 stars and will most likely show up on my “Best of 2020 list”.

 

Blade the Iron Cross (On Demand) – So about 20 years too late we get a Blade standalone film Charles Band and Full Moon. Hey I was happy it was going to exist but they also kept it in the Nazi era instead of making it in present time. Bottom line plot wise is a psychic journalist; Elisa owns Blade and brings him to life to fight a Nazi scientist who continues his horrific experiments on humans. This Nazi scientist of course seeks to replicate the Toulon formula but also to enhance it. But Elisa with the help of Blade and a detective try to put a stop to it before it’s too late. For me the question remains do we even get this film if ‘The Littlest Reich’ is ever released? Because I don’t know about you Full Moon fans this movie was just meh as I give it 2 stars.

 

Weedjies! Halloweed Night (On Demand) – Three college girls need to raise funds for their next semester’s tuition so they have a Halloween party. So they rent a hotel in Vegas and Halloween it up for the party. The catch for all to come is that you pay to get in to be a part of a scavenger hunt and whoever wins gets this “ultimate weed”. The party gets going, the hunt begins, and an evil baroness shows up and gets the friends to play an evil game of Ouija that unleashes the “Weedjies”. If they do not capture the Ghoulies-lite extras they will also become part of the game. The Danny Draven film is one of those shut your brain off films that isn’t truly a horror film but kind of fun to watch as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Yummy (Shudder) – A Dutch horror film about a couple who are going to a shady ass hospital for a breast reduction. Allison feels they are too big and it’s time to do something about them. Finally after a false start because of the boyfriend barging in Allison and the doctors are ready for the surgery. That is until Allison’s boyfriend stumbles in to warn people about the zombie outbreak in the hospital. From there on it is all blood, breasts, and chaos that include a dong on fire! Cool creatures and great effects make this film a riot as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

A Man Called Rage (YouTube) – Another Eye-talian post-apocalyptic film from 1984 that has a lone man named Captain Strike or nicknamed Rage brought to a military facility after he kills like twenty men to begin the film. Rage is a man who never got sick after the nukes but there is many others that did and this group of people living in this facility need his expertise to lead an expedition to find Uranium. They believe with this the people can survive the oncoming illness. Captain Strike agrees and along the way makes a deal with a complete psycho who use to be in his outfit years ago for maps that lead them to an air base in the “Forbidden Lands”. They get there and there is no Uranium but something better… VHS tapes on engineering, seeds, and the bible as I give this fun apocalyptic flick 2 ½ stars.

 

The Torturer (Vimeo) – A short story written by Paul Kane that has made into a short film about a man named Andy Brooks. Andy is thrown into a dark room to be interrogated by a stern man with a clipboard. No backstory, not just yet as this stern figure can’t anything out of Andy except for his name as Andy claims he doesn’t remember anything. What seems like your typical movie interrogation takes a turn when the torture begins and Andy has dreams or flashes of a past life that come to haunt him. An interesting take story wise and worth a look as I give it 3 out of 4 stars. www.LittleSparkFilms.net

Intrusion Disconnected (Google) – This is the long awaited sequel from writer/producer Craig Everett Earl’s 2015 creepy thriller ‘Intrusion’. Mr. Earl and crew waste no time keeping up the creepiness of the connection between Holly and Ray. Some time has passed since the tragic events of the first film and Holly is still nowhere near living a normal life. Convinced Ray is still alive since the police never found his body in the wreckage of the paramedic van’s accident. The nightmares come nightly as Holly wakes up screaming most nights staying with friends just trying to find a way to deal with it. But the gloves are off this time as the anniversary of the horrific event in Holly’s life draws near as there is a slaughter happening and it is slowly closing in on Holly. Craig dives deep into the two characters of Holly and Ray to expand their backstory and show their connection in this bloody sequel. Again they rely heavily on the Holly and Ray characters to move the story along more than blood or sex that is thrown into most Indy films to move them along. This is a unique independent film for the reason it is a true thriller which you do not get much in the low budget world these days and for that I give it 3 out of 4 stars. Katie Stewart and Craig Everett Earl, remember their names as I can see bigger budgeted projects coming their way soon as they are super talented people.

 

Savage Beach (On Demand) – This late 80s big boobied action/adventure flick is about two beautiful DEA agents crash landing on an island that has several people looking for gold. Apparently during WWII a Japanese boat went down nearby or may have shipwrecked on this island as it was carrying a lot of gold that set anybody up for life. So we have a few small groups of individuals trying to dupe the other while they find the gold first. These two beautiful ladies and a strange survivor from WWII just happen to wreck the treasure hunting party. It has a lot adventure hijinks to be put in the 80s sex comedy genre but if you enjoy that genre this will be worth a look as I give it 2 ½ stars for just keeping me entertained all the way through.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

 

Gross Movie Reviews #482

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Gross Movie Reviews #482

Bikini Swamp Girl Massacre (DVD) – Even the flick is released in 2014 under the Troma label it is set in 2007 on Columbus Day weekend. Lloyd and others had nothing to do with this film other than picking it up for distribution so don’t get all crazy if and when I do not like the flick. On this so-called holiday weekend a group of women go into the Everglades to party hardy! Only one of them made it out to tell the story and this is her story. Supposedly every few years weird shit happens around Columbus Day in the Everglades and that didn’t stop these college girls looking for a good time. Supposedly it is haunted by a Seminole spirit who has a few things: a cage for his captured white woman, a trailer for him to hang out at and his dead wife, a ham sandwich for his white woman, and a boat to ride across the swamps. Okay now saying this out loud I believe this film is hilariously awesome in such a bad way as you should only watch with friends. Honestly I was expecting more boobs but I will forgive yinz as just writing this review made me laugh as I give this flick 1 ½ stars.

 

Naked Massacre (DVD) – Right out of the gate in this flick we are introduced to violence as a Vietnam vet sits and witnesses first hand a church bombing in Belfast. Supposedly a couple sources claim this film was based on the Richard Speck murders? It’s 1975ish and this US vet is wandering the streets of Belfast until he walks past a house full of nurses. This soon becomes his obsession as he watches day and night until his opportune time to make his move inside claiming he just wants money to get home? But quickly after the women are bound it becomes clear this vet is here to slowly torture and rape these innocent nurses. A pretty fucked up movie that I am surprised more the horror community hasn’t stumbled upon and made a bigger deal out of it as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Exterminators of the Year 3000 (Blu-ray) – I will be honest I thought I watched or tracked all the Eye-talian, Spanish, Canadian, etc. post-apocalyptic flicks I could find last year… Well I missed one and this was some good post-apocalyptic fun! A lone stranger only known as Alien wanders the Wasteland to come across a kid who wants to help his village get water. The world of course has turned into a desert a kid Timmy believes he is the last hope since his father didn’t come back. He hitches a ride with a group of villagers who must travel a horrible road of 180 miles that has crazy ass bikers led by a bad bootleg Vernon Wells. The bikers kill the group but know the water’s location now. Timmy is picked up along the way by Alien only to be sold out to the biker gang and have robotic arm ripped out. Nothing here to explain Alien is just like, “I know an old guy that can fix that”. So while Timmy gets fixed up, Alien with his sidewhore oh I mean ‘Trash’ go get the water. Of course Alien wants it for himself to sell to the highest bidder but has a change of mind when he takes on the crazed bikers by himself in his steel plated car called “The Exterminator”. Not much plot wise but still a lot of fun especially when they all just totally get why the kid is a cyborg or something as I give this gem 2 ½ stars.

Movies to Watch on a Rainy Afternoon: Troma Edition (DVD) – Most likely Troma’s biggest fan Addison Binek known for his riffs on so many movies decided to put together a collection of Troma riffs. Now Addison being a smart dude didn’t just go for any Troma titles he went for the second tier! Maybe the lesser known to some to maybe open some eyes new to the Troma or Addison Binek world. Here is the list he tackles: Rabid Grannies, Hectic Knife, B.C. Butcher, Troma’s War, Getting Lucky, Redneck Zombies, Slaughter Party, and Star Worms II: Attack of the Pleasure Pods. Now not all titles were from the minds of Lloyd and Mr. Herz but some brilliant pick-ups for the label a fun selection that makes you wonder where Addison gets all that Troma money for the props. And instead of condemning something of this nature Lloyd embraces Addison’s fandom and intelligence to put together a great product for all of us movie lovers to enjoy as once again I give his project 4 stars.

 

Serial Killer Massacre (DVD) – A 1997 title that you may have not heard much about as it was released to DVD as “Dying to Meet You”. A poorly written S.O.V. flick about two sadistic killers who find love with each other after trying to murder each other. When that doesn’t go well they decide, “Let’s Fuck”… Because nothing says lead up to bumping uglies like some bad wrestling on a floor with knives. The idea wasn’t a bad one just everything else was bad about it. If you just wanna film some mock film but two sadistic real-life lovers I am sure there is a category on PornHub for you? With a little direction, a little tweak in script, and not spending over 50 minutes on the dude alone in the film even before you hint the couple will be a couple and there could have been movie magic. Instead we get what looks like a bad attempt at a soft-core porn video that was just meant for them and none of us to see and that may have been for the better as I give it 0 stars.

 

Godzilla: King of the Monsters (On Demand) – It has been five years since the giant radioactive lizard had shown up in San Francisco and of course us humans suck huge ball sack! Now the monsters are being released one by one to possibly keep Earth in balance until it is learned Ghidorah is not of this Earth and may be here to actually form it into his own. Which means Godzilla is here to save the humans… maybe. It is an absolute fun giant rubber monster flick that gets you very excited for Kong’s return. Yeah at times it seems the actors get in the way of the story but they are there to keep the story moving and who doesn’t love Charles Dance aka Brother Nupsie as the villain. Honestly not a lot can be said other than if you like the past giant rubber monster movies then you will enjoy this if not most likely you will never understand it as I give the film 3 ½ stars, now bring me Kong.

 

Killersaurus (DVD) – A UK flick that does their own bootleg generic version of “Carnosaur” where some research scientists literally will a dinosaur into existence with a 3-D printer! I don’t know if I should laugh my ball bag off or just be disappointed it took this long for this idea to be put to screen? With such an awesome beginning premise for a film it soon turned into a stale turd as people just keep talking about the dinosaur behind the door. And once seen it’s in horrible red light to hide the bad effects and it doesn’t eat everybody… For the love of Rutger Hauer I wanted a cheap dinosaur rampage movie instead got something that was a poor excuse for a film and Dollar General I want my two bucks back as I give it 0 stars.

 

Zombie Tidal Wave (SyFy Channel/DVD) – So Ian Ziering won’t go away but that isn’t such a bad thing when it comes to cheap weirdo shark and zombie films that show up on SyFy Channel once a year. Ziering is a lifelong seaman who encounters a blue weirdo out at sea that has just bitten one of his friends. Rushing back inland for help apparently this odd blue light out at sea starts off a zombie apocalypse that is brought in by a tidal wave onto a small town in Thailand I believe? Anyway next thing you know a bunch of random zombies and blue zombies begin chomping their way through the populace. The film has its moments of cheese but just for old 80s creature movie sake (Humanoids from the Deep) I had hopes of them explaining or doing a little more buildup of the pharmacy crap that supposedly went down in 1985 story wise? Anyway: blue zombies, Ian Ziering, an electrified knife, all this 2 star movie was missing was hot mess of a woman Tara Reid’s jacked up boob!

Slaughterhouse Massacre (DVD) – This odd low budget horror film that I guess could be classified as a slasher was a little bit of a surprise. Wasn’t expecting much but of course had massacre in the title so I needed to watch it. Anyway a group of friends leave Dallas College onto a party where this group learns of an urban legend “Marty Sickle”. Supposedly Marty lived in a local slaughterhouse and was accused of murder but the charges could not stick. So some of the locals took upon themselves to serve justice… it was like an alternate version of “Pledge Night”? So the four college kids head to the slaughterhouse to pussyfoot around and BINGO! They disturb Marty Sickle who really wasn’t dead and pissed enough he starts hacking the four to bits. This is one those enjoyable gory Indy flicks that make you glad it exists as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

We do double duty this week on Bloodbaths and Boomsticks

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This week Kyle and Tim return and due to Kyle’s injury we pull double duty and talk about 4 films. A Terminator / Aliens Italian rip off SHOCKING DARK, then ROLLERBLADE VENGANCE: TAKEN BY FORCE, then Kyle hits you with a Denzel double feature of the highest caliber with RICOCHET and VIRTUOSITY.  We also answer all you listener questions and talk about this week’s most recent developments… which may or may not involve tree rape.

 

http://www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

 

EPISODE 164

We have our “Mad Max” boner party early as some great guests stop by!!!

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On the verge of our most anticipated movie to be released in a long, long time, MAD MAX: FURY ROAD Kyle and Tim are hosting a pre-post-apocalyptic Italian/Filipino boner party.  We welcome our guests JON CROSS, T-SHIRT JOE GARCIA, and RODRIGO QUAST to talk about a slew of post apocalypse MAD MAX rip-offs such as 2020 TEXAS GLADIATORS, ENDGAME, the glorious WHEELS OF FIRE, THE NEW BARBARIANS, and THE BRONX WARRIORS 2.  So sit back, relax, and let this episode waste away the time until FURY ROAD hits the screen and we all squeal with glee.

 

http://www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

episode 161

Gross Movie Reviews #348

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Gross Movie Reviews #348

 

By Tim Gross

 

Wyrmwood: Road of the Dead (On Demand) – It is easily one of the most anticipated horror films since Rob Zombie’s “House of a 1000 Corpses” and has the tagline “Mad Max meets Dawn of the Dead”! I am here to tell you horror fans nothing can live up to that fucking hype. Very good flick but not legendary so tame down your fat peckers and bloated vaginas horror fans. The first good thing it got going for it is its ‘Australian’! Second, its gory as a mother fucker… But here it is, some weird shit happens overnight, like “Night of the Comet” shit people where stars are falling and people notice. But next morning some have turned into some crazy ass flesh-eating beings… Zombies! With a twist! Apparently, their breath is methane and they get faster at night as all the world’s flammable fuels have become water. And anybody that has A-negative blood type is immune to the zombie virus. Most of the film centers around two characters in Barry and Brooke. Barry just killed his daughter and wife and has blown his attempt at suicide so his next best option is trying to find his freaking hot artist of a sister Brooke who has been captured by some so-called government folks and is being experimented on. I totally understand the tagline while watching the film but my only problem with the film and it could be me nit-picking at it is the film is not sure what exactly it wants to be: that serious zombie flick, the zombie-comedy, the crazy ‘Peter Jackson type zombie flick, it seems to not make up its mind especially with the ending it gives us. Don’t get me wrong I really enjoyed it but let’s not anoint a film before we have seen it. I give the cool flick 3 ½ stars.

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To Hell with a Bullet (DVD/Amazon Prime) – A story about a singer named Billy who has been in a heavy rock band for over ten years and they have never got their break. One day down on his luck Billy is fired from his own band, his girlfriend wants to kick him out, and on top of that he just happens to kill his stripper girlfriend by accident. But things are looking up as Billy goes to see this voice doctor dude who is going to help Billy get his voice back. From there Billy gains a new friend who doesn’t care his stripper girlfriend is dead, he gets his band back, and a record producer is coming to see the band this coming Friday night. The story has been done in several forms over the years in short film, TV series, and so on, so it’s a logical choice to get a flick under your belt and put out there for the masses. I enjoyed the film from Vick Wright originally from the UK. I understand why he would go this route, but the film focuses way too much on the music than story and it’s a little long (106 minutes). That doesn’t mean it’s a bad film as much as it means to me Vick Wright to get a feel of filmmaking in Hollywood. The film has great direction, good music, great presentation, but would have loved to see more of the voice doctor/Satan character as many filmmakers do not flesh out this character enough usually due to restraints by the studio? I may have not like the flick as much as some horror fans will but what it shows me is Vick Wright hasn’t found the right project for his talents… I give the flick 2 out of 4 stars and wish him luck in the future. You can get the flick at this link:  http://www.amazon.com/Hell-Bullet-Timothy-V-Murphy/dp/B00WL8LTO0/ref=sr_1_1?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1431389442&sr=1-1&keywords=To+Hell+with+a+Bullet

 

Splatter Asylum (DVD) – A rereleased film from legendary independent filmmaker Todd Sheets from 1996 has found its way to DVD. Rudy has bought a mansion he wants to turn into a club but finds out the hard way it’s haunted during a house warming party he was having for friends. The friends find a book or journal all about the haunted house and all the fucked up shit that went down many years ago. The film is a crazy gooey mix of “Killer Party”, “Night of the Demons”, and ‘Lovecraft’ without the budget. But hey it’s Todd Sheets and I will watch anything that awesome mother fucker makes as he made the “Zombie Bloodbath” trilogy! I give it 2 out of 4 stars and more about the film can be found at: www.zombiebloodbath.com .

 

2020 Texas Gladiators (YouTube) – Not totally sure if its available on DVD but for the love of Rutger Hauer it is directed by Joe D’Amato and written by George Eastman under different names in all its Eye-talian glory! What you need to know: it’s a post-apocalyptic film set in 2020 where the so-called New World Order takes over an energy refinery and Texas Rangers come to fight them. No there isn’t no Chuck Norris… No there isn’t any Kevin Nash or Scott Hall… But there is random death and rape in this mish-mash of a flick that is like a couple scripts mashed together! So thank you George Eastman for not eating babies in every movie and giving us this random crap… I give it 2 stars.

 

Escape from the Bronx aka Bronx Warriors 2 (YouTube) – Don’t get me started on trying to explain which is the real sequel, this flick or “The New Barbarians” with Fred “the Hammer” Williamson as it’s more confusing than Charles Band’s “Puppet Master” timeline. But if you are a fan of the original “1990 Bronx Warriors”, get your motorcycle with the plastic skull on it and your Mark Gregory poster out as it picks up shortly after that. The evil rich dudes that failed to kill off the gangs in the first flick decided they had about $10,000 left from the first film’s budget and Henry Silva was in town so they made a sequel. Only in this flick ‘Trash’ aka Mark Gregory comes up with a plan to capture the evil president dude to stop the extermination of the people of the Bronx. Problem is the film leaves you thinking there may be a third film and it’s not 1983 so I am not sure if Enzo G. Castellari still has a unproduced script lying around. I give the flick 2 stars and well worth knowing it exists!

 

Wheels of Fire (YouTube) – A film from 1985 that not only is a bootleg of “Mad Max” but may have bought the left over props from the first two films down to the cars. Our main character ‘Trace’ rolls into a nomad town to see his sister who may have the most topless scenes in one movie ever made. Well of course Trace slightly upsets the nomads and they are after Trace and his sister. Trace’s sister gets kidnapped and raped often as Trace is busy doing his super bootleg version of Mad Max and meets another girl named “Stinger”. They have sex, she dies, and then he remembers to go save his sister. Amazing stuff folks! It is truly the closet Mad Max rip-off I have ever seen and for that I am grateful as I give it 3 stars.

 

Whispers in the Gloom (DVD) – Another rerelease onto DVD from legendary independent filmmaker Todd Sheets that was released in 1998. Aliens have landed and they just happened to be in a small town where a man who claimed to work at Area 51 calls into a radio show that gets shut down shortly afterward. The radio host and guest who happen to be an action star soon rock out in a Ford Tempo and must use kung fu to defeat aliens! Only Todd Sheets could make this shit happen besides the Polonia Brothers and it is acceptable! I give the very entertaining film 2 ½ out of 4 stars and can be found at www.zombiebloodbath.com .

 

Mother’s Day Massacre (DVD) – A skinny dude named Jimmy has always wondered who his mom was as he hates his father who mistreats him and his girlfriend on a regular basis. After his girlfriend encourages him to go to this mysterious old redneck backwoods town, his friends get murdered by two weirdos! Jimmy soon finds out his dad was more than just your average asshole and only realizes when it’s too late that he wants to bang the neighbor girl. It’s weird, it had massacre in the title, it is a slasher, and has a couple cool make-up effects, so of course I watched it as I give it 2 out of 4 stars and can be found at www.midnightreleasing.com .

 

Bread Crumbs (DVD) – Well if you ever wondered what would happen if Hansel and Gretel were evil and happen to stumble upon a porn crew who happens to be filming their latest project in a well hidden cabin you have your movie here… I give it 1 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Endgame (YouTube/DVD) – Another 1983 post-apocalyptic flick that has George Eastman, Al Cliver, and Joe D’Amato all involved in the year 2025 where New York City is in radioactive ruins. The film literally predates “The Running Man” by a few years but turns into two different movies 30 minutes in when the lead character is asked by a mutant to help her and friends to a safe zone outside the city for gold. This flick may have the all-you-can-eat menu of post-apocalyptic Eye-talian flicks as it jams in ten different plots into one great film that has the “Rocky 3” ending.  If there was a film I would have to point Eye-talian film fans to it would be this classic as it has everything you could want as I give the flick 3 ½ stars. And let me take this time to thank George Eastman and the character ‘Ninja’ for bringing me this entertainment!

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

And do not forget to order your copy of Gross Movie Reviews: The Wrath of Gross at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-the-wrath-of-gross/paperback/product-21975934.html

Gross Movie Reviews #346

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Gross Movie Reviews #346

 

By Tim Gross

 

Long Weekend (Blu-ray) – A lesser known Australian film about things for a couple that go bad, like “Day of the Animals” of bad. I tracked the film down after a guest on our podcast “Bloodbaths and Boomsticks” wanted to cover and talk about it. So if you are asking yourself why I am reviewing this again it’s because Synapse Films has released a restored Blu-ray version of the flick. This couple who apparently are a half step from divorce have ventured out to a beach near some woods for a camping getaway to maybe try and patch things up? As fixing the relationship goes downhill quickly strange occurrences and odd behavior from the animals cause tensions between the couple to worsen. The film has radio reports and a TV report that might lend a little bit of a clue on what might be the problem but the film never directly points out this is the reason for the ‘weirdness of the animals’ or strange occurrences. The 1978 film can drag a little at certain points but has a great ending that makes up for it. Besides it’s from Australia, all their films should be given at least one if not two chances. The Blu-ray looks exceptional as usual from Synapse Films. The Blu-ray also has an audio interview with star John Hargreaves and a commentary from the producer and the cinematographer on the film. Wasn’t able to access the commentary for some reason as I am sure it’s a glitch but that doesn’t matter as this movie is enhanced with the restored version on Blu-ray as it relies on imaginary to tell a lot of the story. Give the film 2 out of 4 stars but overall package 3 out of 4 stars and is available at www.synapse-films.com . (Checked out a few other critics reviews of the Blu-ray screener package and no one had the same problem as I did so like I said “a glitch.”)

Edge

Edge of the Axe (DVD) – A somewhat bearable Spanish slasher film (but actually filmed mostly in California) about a person in a white mask hacking people all over town. There is no real good reason why they are but you will question why you are watching a movie about a computer guy trying to get with an underage girl most of the flick while pieces of people are being found nightly. I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Junior (VHS/DVD-R) – I believe it is available on DVD but someone gave me their copy just for the mere reason they did not want it existing in their house! And for that reason I had to watch the 1985 unknown classic to most horror fans about two women who have been released from prison and decided they want to start a new life. A new life that means the two girls got to breathe new life into an old marina in a small southern town on a river. But a weird guy named “Junior” refuses to leave the girls alone. Very corny and hilarious especially the scenes of Junior talking to his mother on the front porch of their home makes the film at least watchable or at least for this horror movie fan as I give it 2 stars.

 

Bad Kids Go to Hell (DVD) – With a title like this I had to find a reason to watch it eventually and I did… Pittsburgh Penguins were pissing me off so I put this title on to see what Judd Nelson and Ben “Farscape” Browder had to do with it. It all comes down to a curse an Indian put on some rich people or rich kids and their school after dying or was it all a set up? You decide, all I know there is a weird scene of a nerdy redhead doing a strip tease in the middle of class. Horror movie… check! Nerdy redhead… checks twice. The movie isn’t your most interesting horror film to come down the pike but keeps it worth watching just to see where Judd Nelson’s character fits in? I give it 2 stars.

 

Invasion of the Pod People (DVD) – Apparently Asylum Entertainment tried to do an erotic remake of “Invasion of the Body Snatchers”. Leave the porn alone and stick with the Sharknados, Gatoroid, Giant Octopuses, Corin Nemac, and chubby tatted up Tiffany or at least for me as I find that stuff much more entertaining than your poor attempt of a Misty Mundae resurrection. I give it crap because it was crap so let’s move on.

Final-Executioner-Front2

The Final Executioner (DVD) – The apocalypse has happened and rich people have hunters or executioners hunt down people or targets they consider expendable material. Its Eye-talian, it’s dubbed in English and all it was missing was Fred Williamson! So grab your six packs and enjoy this beautiful post-apocalyptic crap for what it is as a man seeks revenge against the executioner he escaped several days before. I give the film 2 ½ stars just for the cheese oozing off this flick.

 

Clown (DVD) – Released in the UK first and not entirely sure why but I finally got to see this Eli Roth presents project. The film starts off innocently enough where a man tries to come up with a solution for his son’s birthday party when the clown is double booked. The man finds an old clown costume in the house he is trying to fix up and sell and uses it to save the day at the party. Little does he know life would change as he wakes the next morning with the clown costume still on and cannot remove it? There isn’t a zipper. He even goes as far as trying to cut it off with an electric saw! He fails. Soon his wife is concern as she doesn’t believe him; he is getting crap from the father-in-law, and goes back to the house to search for clues on what this costume actually is. He calls this number for old costumes and meets a man who begins to tell him a story of the costume being made of demon hair and skin. And then he is almost beheaded. But also begins to fill a hunger, a hunger that can only be met by eating five young children. It gets radically disgusting and uncomfortable which makes the film awesome. Now, I am not going bat shit nuts for the film like some movie critics but I have to say it is nice to see something old become new again in horror. So move over Pennywise as I give this flick 3 stars and won’t be surprised there is a sequel in the works not too far in the future.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

And do not forget to order your copy of Gross Movie Reviews: The Wrath of Gross at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-the-wrath-of-gross/paperback/product-21975934.html