Tag Archives: DONALD PLEASENCE

Gross Movie Reviews #579

0
Posted on by

Shark Encounters of the Third Kind (DVD) – Mark Polonia and his scuba diving stock footage is back to haunt audiences with another killer shark film that pretty much fails to be a fun shark flick. In this mess, big headed aliens have entered the earth’s atmosphere to clean up a past mess. The film not played for laughs is mainly about the aliens fucking with sharks and past alien abductees… Next time Mark do fans a favor go make another “Feeders” film instead of what? FIVE SHARK FILMS in two years that has stock scuba diving footage, the same actors and characters, and maybe 60 minutes of actual film between five movies that possibly has been splice together? Not to be critical or anything as I give this shark film 1 star.

Python Island (DVD) – I am not me unless I stumble upon a giant snake film from China that has alternate title of “Giant Snake”. The film sets the tone with a child getting lost on ‘Cannibal Island’ where the kid finds a magical tree that is protected by snakes. After being rescued and his village being ravaged by giant snakes years later the kid all grown up returns to the island with the right intentions to find a cure for his native island where they have been cursed with a mysterious illness. Lots of action, bad CGI snake effects, and people getting eaten keeps this interesting enough for weirdos like myself as I give it 2 stars.

The Devil Doll (DVD) – A 1936 Tod Browning film that is more of a thriller than horror than involves an escaped convict. A wrongly accused convict escapes with a partner from prison only to quickly inherit a secret that gets the man thinking of revenge on those who framed him? Using this certain power and costumes he is able to weave his way back into the lives of his old business partners. The film won’t blow you away in effects or what not but I found myself enjoying this character going to great lengths for revenge and making sure his daughter is well off as I give it 3 stars.

Starship (DVD) – Always looking for fun and dumb science fiction flicks so I give you this Aussie feature that is also known as “Lorca and the Outlaws”. The film is set on another distant planet where working conditions are shitty and an evil dude with an army of robots is trying to wipe out human rebels. There is a ship coming in from Earth and the rebels wanna use it to escape but the evil dude has other plans as he has been given orders to wipe out all human workers and replace them with robots. The movie can be a bit boring at times but I did enjoy finding another film that had Hugh Keays-Byrne in as hired gun to search for the great Lorca as I give the film 2 stars.

Amityville Cabin (YouTube) – So yes entry #38 for all of yinz counting is a short film that is available on YouTube about a no-budget film crew heading to a haunted cabin. Of course things go horribly quickly but not without the film crew basically winking back at the camera the whole time during this short film as I give 1 ½ out of 4 stars as I have seen much worse in this series.

The Barn II (Theater/rough cut) – Now understand horror fans the cut I and many others at the theater got to see is not a finished product. From what I know there is effects still being added, cuts needed still, and a couple corrections, the usual stuff but it is finally finished for us to all go enjoy. Anyway the lone survivor of events a couple years ago is off to college and in a sorority trying to help out with a fund raiser that just happens to be a haunted house or barn. As the small town folk struggle to get past the ban of Halloween being dropped people celebrate and head out in mass to the haunted attraction. But the demons/creatures seem to have some unfinished business and return. Lots of cameos that I wasn’t sure they were gonna work going in to see the film proved me wrong as I enjoyed seeing not only the big cameos but the smaller Indy cameos as they all a place in the film and didn’t feel forced. Without getting too much into as it being a sequel you Justin Seaman and crew wanted to make sure there is more monsters, blood, and Ari Lehman as I give the rough cut 3 out of 4 stars as this wraps up and gets me excited for what Justin and crew do in the future?

Bigfoot or Bust! (DVD) – A pretty recent Jim Wynorski film that has a group of women heading to the woods to look for Bigfoot (it is better you don’t ask why)! Their main task of doing this is shooting Bigfoot in the peen so they can get on T.V. and be relevant. Meanwhile there is also another group of women who come from 50 years in the future to find Bigfoot shit because it is worth millions in the future. Poor acting from the usual Wynorski acting staples, musical numbers, a trampoline (it is a dumb scene), lots of bad fake boobs, old T.V.s being thrown away illegally, and “The Good, The Bad, and The Bigfoot” skit litter this so-called film. Every time I watched hilarious garbage like this I do remind myself he made “Chopping Mall” as I give this 1 star for the mere reason the Bigfoot was actually entertaining.

Shark Side of the Moon (Tubi) – Asylum Entertainment has a new home to throw up new features since an unnamed network has become the ‘Harry Potter’ channel and that home is “Tubi”! So of course any crazy ass dumb shark film starts in 1984 Russia where the Russian scientists are experimenting with sharks and making them humanoid soldiers. The experiment gets loose and a couple scientists save the world by taking or sending the sharks to space depending how you look at it? Anyway 40 years have passed and NASA sends a crew to the moon to begin setting up for colonization of the moon. Sorry, nope, instead these astronauts find hybrid sharks who are surviving on the moon including populating it with plans to return to earth for world domination! But to the astronauts’ surprise they find the lone Russian scientist that knows about the experiment and a human/shark hybrid that is attempting to destroy all hybrid shark plans for world domination. I laughed a lot during this film for good and bad reasons but bottom line it was entertaining as I give it 2 ½ stars.  

Dead Zone (Tubi) – Jeff Fahey and Michael Jai-White star in a cheaper but possibly more entertaining version of the first “Resident Evil” film with special suits because the government is using dirty bombs to kill zombies as I give it 2 stars.

Mutant Blast (DVD) – This is one of those holy fuck gory post-apocalyptic zombie flicks out of Portugal where two survivors try to survive an onslaught of zombie chaos. One is military trained and stabs a lot of zombies in the skull, the other is some hung-over dude who happened to walk into this mess and eventually grows a rat out of his left hand that the rat’s mum comes looking for it eventually. If you enjoyed weird shit like “Bad Taste” and “Evil Aliens” this is your bag kids as I give it 3 stars.    

Massacre at Central High (Blu-ray) – This 1976 film always had that T.V. movie feel to me and it has never looked so wonderful than it does on this Synapse Films Blu-ray. A staple of early 80s cable for me and most likely many others as it was time to revisit this more than relevant film about high school students and write a new review. David is new to the high school and an old friend of Mark who David helped out a while back. Mark wants to introduce David to his clique as they get whatever they want. But it doesn’t take David long to know this small group are bullies and have bullied the whole school into submission. David tries to help out and walk that fine line of standing up to the bullies and defending those who have been bullied for a long time. But after an attempted rape by this clique and David beating them up they pay him a visit and cripple David. Now David just wants revenge, but there is one problem as he gets rid of the bullies, new ones pop up causing David to think bigger in ending this vicious circle of life. The film is over 45 years old and more relevant now than then and seeing it at a young age I may have never comprehend the movie’s subject matter? What makes this film great and David’s plotting relentless is the characters were perfectly casted (Andrew Stevens, Derrel Maury, Robert Carradine, Kimberly Beck, Ray Underwood, just to name a few), there is no adults getting in the way for most of the film, and most likely any person that has or will watch this film/Blu-ray know or have known one of these characters at this school in the film. Again it’s over 45 years old and the film still has realism to it. Along for the ride on the Blu-ray is some audio interviews, trailers, and a very cool documentary that if a fan of the film will have you ‘nerd’ out on who they got talking about the film? A pretty cool release for your physical media collection from Synapse Films as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars, for more details go to www.synapse-films.com .

River of Death (DVD) – Actually been looking for this Michael Dudikoff film for a while as it seem to be out of print until recently as it is popping up everywhere on streaming services and physical media. Our film begins in 1945 Germany where a series of events has a couple Nazis screwing each other over to escape capture or death but also to continue some evil Nazi experiments. Flash forward twenty years in the Amazon jungle Dudikoff (Hamilton) is guiding a doctor and his daughter through the jungle to find the source of a mysterious disease killing the natives. After getting captured and shot at Hamilton wants to go back as he believes he has found ‘The Lost City’ and that is where the doctor’s daughter was taken too. Problem, a lot of people are interested for their own selfish reasons including a Donald Pleasence he believes the Nazi doctor (Robert Vaughn) that screwed him over is alive and well! They all venture into the jungle to survive heat and cannibals to go find ‘The Lost City’. Dudikoff isn’t a ninja but this film was still damn entertaining as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #559

0
Posted on by

Gross Movie Reviews #559

Ten Little Indians (DVD) – This late 80s remake based on a play stars the late great Donald Pleasence, Paul Smith, and Frank Stallone are part of a group of people who go on an African safari courtesy of a Mr. Owen. Every person is there for good reason but only Mr. Owen knows but as they try to enjoy their trip they begin to be murdered one by one. Their only chance of survival is figuring out who is Mr. Owen? The film was okay as it had a good group of character actors but Frank Stallone as the lead seems to sink this relative unknown fourth version of the film as I can only give it 2 stars.

Major Grom: Plague Doctor (VOD) – First thing before you go into this Russian action flick is: don’t look at it as a superhero film as it has the elements but doesn’t behave like one. Second, I absolutely enjoyed the character of Igor Grom! Grom is a no non-sense cop who isn’t happy with the justice system but believes in what he does every day busting criminals. After a high-profile case where a rich young man gets off but is killed by a vigilante, Grom takes upon himself to investigate and bring down this person. But the pressure is on as the public is for the vigilante and Grom is looked down upon until he can find evidence to bring this person to justice. This fun Russian action film has a couple cool minor plot twists, a cool villain, and the last quarter of the film turns into ‘The Purge’. Again if you go into this not expecting a superhero film you will indeed enjoy this treat that needs more PR than it has gotten as I have to give it 3 ½ stars.

Atomic Eden (DVD) – This 2015 film has Fred Williamson putting together a team of mercs for a dangerous mission in Chernobyl. Their mission is to retrieve an old suitcase from a mining shaft that was actually a Nazi lair! Lorenzo Lamas shows up for a hot minute to not be pleased with the result when Williamson’s character returns. If you enjoy films with just scene after scene of martial arts you will most likely enjoy this mess or if you are me it felt like Nintendo’s Double Dragon game where the bad guys are unlimited but die the same three ways no matter what as I give this 2 stars.

Meathook Massacre 3: First Hunt (VOD) – After having two films about a cannibal killer named Bubba killing everyone out on a farm this film intends in trying to give some backstory. This film gives you the origins of Bubba’s family and how he got started in his murderous ways of hunting humans and using them as meat. I cringe watched my way through this as I hope it would get better but it didn’t as I have to give 0 stars.

White Fire (VHS/YouTube) – This foreign mid-80s flick has a brother/sister combo (Bo and Ingrid) stealing some diamonds from a diamond plantation but they run into a group of baddies that want in on their action? When Bo and Ingrid deceive them the baddies come to their adopted parents’ home and kill Ingrid. End of the movie right? Nope, as a woman comes upon Bo in a bar one evening and Bo and his partner convince her to get some plastic surgery to look like Bo’s sister! This “incest” of a plan is all about a bigger plan to go steal the mysterious “White Fire” diamond that was recently discovered. The movie can be dull at times but we get Robert Ginty fighting a dude with a chainsaw, a death by a band saw, and the great Fred Williamson collecting a paycheck as I give the film 1 ½ stars.

Lady Dragon (DVD) – Another Cynthia Rothrock film with Richard Norton where Cynthia plays a woman Kathy whose husband was murdered on her wedding day a year ago. Now Kathy is in Indonesia tracking the arms dealer who killed her husband only to have her life threaten before she can avenge her husband. So Kathy hangs out with non-verbal Grandpa to learn his fighting ways so she can kick this dude’s ass. Robert Ginty shows up long enough to be gunned down as part of the payback as I can only this action film 2 stars.

The Amityville Haunting (DVD) – This 2011 entry is just pure hot garbage as it tries to connect the original events of the home from the mid-70s to present day home in 2011 more than some past entries. Meet Tyler the young son with a camera that films all the weirdness that happens in the haunted home for this insulting found footage film. Twenty minutes in I knew watching this movie was a mistake so good luck as I give it 0 stars.    

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #553

0
Posted on by

Gross Movie Reviews #553

The Deep House (On Demand) – A new French haunted house flick that immediately changes the rules when the haunted home is underwater. Anyway a young couple whose biggest thing is getting the clicks as they want sell their footage of haunted places to a network or be paid to have it stream as they have made it a habit to visit haunted places around the world. They hear about this underwater house in a village and seek it out only to find out it has become a popular tourist attraction. The couple meets a man who agrees to take them to a part of the lake that no one visits but there are odd stories about the family never left before they flooded the area for the dam in the 80s. The young couple dives down to check it out only to creep each other out for the footage. But as they swim deeper into the water logged home weird sounds can be heard and they follow them only to find a couple who is chained above a pentagram in a room. Of course they freak out when the creep factor is turned up past ten when the corpses’ eyes open! This haunted didn’t exactly hit the sweet spot for me but I can definitely express that the new horror fans will enjoy this scare show as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Creature From the Haunted Sea (DVD) – A fun early Roger Corman drive-in film from 1961 where a gangster is asked to smuggle loot of Cuba. Once in his possession, on a boat, and out at a sea, the crew comes up with a hoax of a sea monster to steal the loot. Problem the monster is real and begins killing the people aboard. A cheesy black and white monster romp worth seeking out to have for the home drive-ins as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Hobgoblins 2 (DVD) – Yes, the first was so bad I couldn’t stay away from the sequel which was released twenty years later in 2009. This time it begins in an insane asylum where a group of students learn about the Hobgoblins. After the mad doctor who is trying to teach the class says the name Hobgoblins three times the creatures are back to life and causing havoc. Once again the students must face their fears in order to conquer these lame creatures. The first film was bad this sequel is somehow ten times worse as I cannot recommend this as I have to give it 0 stars.

Treasure of the Amazon (DVD) – A true story based on treasure hunters in 1958 South America which apparently included the great Donald Pleasence playing an-ex-Nazi soldier who wants the treasure to restart the “Third Reich”. Anyway, three groups of people enter the jungle against all odds to find a treasure of a lifetime. The treasure is gold and diamonds but even if found the groups have to contend with the cannibal tribe that lives within the jungle. If that isn’t enough there are killer crabs as they destroy an individual. It was some pretty cool effects. The film has a few dull points but still does a solid job of giving a thrilling adventure as I give it 2 stars.

New York Ninja (DVD) – A legit ninja film from 1984 and filmmaker John Liu but it was never finished until now. The original negative was found recently, restored, voiceover work done, and some editing (which included rewriting an ending) and poof in all its glory the film has been finally released for all the ninja fans to enjoy. Of course 1984 New York is being overrun by criminal activity and John’s wife is killed while she tried to stop abduction. John learning of this tragic news takes it upon himself that New York needs a hero, a ninja hero who threatens to clean up the city of crime. His revenge is to track down criminals and try to find the big man himself “Plutonium Killer” and put an end to his carnage. This flick is outlandish fun that loses some steam getting to the finish line as I give it 2 ½ stars.

American Rickshaw (DVD) – Nothing like an Eye-talian flick set in Miami where a young dude named Scott runs an American Rickshaw as a job to put himself through college when he isn’t helping old Asian women in the rain. One night Scott gets coaxed by a beautiful lady after a ride to join her for some bumping uglies… But quickly Scott finds out he is part of amateur porn and beats the guy up with the camera. Problem is Scott grabs the wrong tape when he leaves upset and goes back to get the real tape of him on it to destroy it. Bigger problem happens because there is a hitman that was looking for a key the porn director carried and lost during the fight with Scott. Boat is on fire, cops get involved, more people die, Scott is being blamed while the hitman is trying to retrieve the key. Oh by the way the old lady Doctor Strange is in a lifelong battle with TV preacher Donald Pleasence because he is the devil who fights a snake and a cat in a 60 second segment of the movie. Yes, the movie is a complete mess but I dare you to stop watching this confusing yet entertaining action/thriller as I give it 2 ½ stars for the mess it is.

George A. Romero Presents Deadtime Stories Volume Two (DVD) – Again enjoyed the stories being read by George Romero and his little quips but the stories I felt lacked passion this time around. The first segment is about three young adventures that go into a cave and do not come back the same when they need rescued. The second segment is about a professor at Sabbath Hill University who sleeps with one of his unstable students who commits suicide in his class because all in the class are not allowed to miss class and it comes back to haunt him. The third segment is about dust from the surface of Mars that is to be studied but believed by a doctor it could be a cure for cancer. So a distraught security guard steals it to cure his cancer-riddled wife only to find it has some cannibalistic effects. Maybe the stories were just dated but this sequel to the first anthology felt uninspiring as I give it 1 star.

Schizoid (DVD) – You know you are in for a crazy time when the first person listed in the credits of the film is Klaus Kinski. This creepy thriller has Kinski as a doctor who holds a therapy group session on Tuesday and Thursdays. He believes it actually works for all involved but a black gloved stalker about to be killer is tired of them all and wants them dead one by one. Letters are being sent to Julie as she has an advice column and part of the group but has a tough time getting the police to believe the letters should be taken seriously. This ‘who dun it’ flick isn’t trying to reinvent the genre but anytime you involve 1980 crazy ass Klaus Kinski you are gonna have a fun time watching that film as I give it 3 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #530

0
Posted on by

Gross Movie Reviews #530

 

Russian Terminator (DVD/YouTube) – You may also find the film under a better title ‘The Russian Ninja’ which actually makes much more sense if you have the pleasure of watching it. A bootleg Kenny Rodgers or the dude that failed to get the role for “The Most Interesting Man” in beer commercials comes out of retirement because of blackmail. He is to help some rich dude get his daughter back off of some bad dudes because he is considered “The Human Equalizer” for the East and West. Now enters a ninja for no real reason in this Russian/English flick to save the daughter as bootleg Kenny Rodgers gets his ass kicked throughout the film. There is no doubt this action film is bad but it is hilarious bad and worth the watch when you and all your friends need to do a drunken watch of something random aka “should have played in the VH room in the heyday of conventions”. I give such fare 2 stars just for being so dull but so hilarious at the same time.

 

Holland Road Massacre: The Legend of Pigman (Blu-ray) – Another independent project from filmmaker Emir Skalonja. The story is about some weird dude in the woods that wears a pig mask, lives there, and oh yeah enjoys killing all those who trespass. For no reason at all the locals ignore the stories of these events on Holland Road and venture into the woods during winter only to die a horrible death. Meanwhile a detective from the city investigates the legend as his daughter is one of the victims. The film has the usual good premise, great mask for the killer, but terrible story/script. There was a movie for this horror character ‘Pigman’ but it wasn’t what I watched and I do not like this new trend in low budget horror where we try to tie up any loose or bad plot holes at the end of the film because it worked in a couple recent debatable big budget horror films. AKA last two minutes will be explained to you so you accept what you just watched? Nope… stop it now folks because it kills me to say bad things about independent horror movies and this had something just not the payoff you will be looking for as I give it a 1 star just for the Pigman.

 

No Blade of Grass (DVD) – Slacking in your post-apocalyptic movie watching or need something off the radar? Well here is a lesser known but very depressing and cool British film from 1970 that doesn’t fuck around. The film begins in a football stadium explaining we humans are killing off everything (50 years later we still fucking shit up!) along with visions of oil fields, mining, pollution, etc. This leads into John a central character of the film who is debating about fleeing London before they close it down. Radio and TV broadcasts in the background constantly tell us the viewer it is a grass disease that is killing off the human population and animals. So John, family, and a young scientist pack up to go to the countryside where his brother owns land and it will be easier to defend themselves there. Along the way John and the others must fight and claw their way to this safe place even it means having his own brother killed for survival. A brutal slow burn that is a treat for post-apocalyptic fans like myself as I give it 3 stars.

 

Devil Doll (DVD) – Always wondered where R. L. Stine of ‘Goosebumps’ may have gotten his idea for the dummy story then don’t look any further than this 1964 creepy flick? The Great Vorelli was obsessed with being famous and hypnotizes his assistant Hugo to transfer his soul to a dummy for his act. When Mark a reporter is asked to do a story on The Great Vorelli things start to unravel as it is found out Vorelli might not be so great after all as he uses and steals people’s souls? It is weird, offbeat, something to keep in mind when looking for something different to watch next time as I give it 2 stars.

 

Ebola Rex vs. Murder Hornets (DVD) – Of course you had me at the title but bottom line is this movie doesn’t live up to its title. The filmmaker missed the point of the title… ‘Ebola Rex vs. Murder Hornets’ it never happened dude. You made a 60 minute movie of filler! I love Brinke Stevens but she seems wasted in this my friend. Dustin I respect your overall work but this was a huge miss as I got to give this film 0 stars.  

 

Cowgirls vs. Pterodactyls (DVD) – It is 1864 in small town Texas and the old west town just so happens to be under attack by a dinosaur or pterodactyl to be precise. An outlaw named Bunny Parker is hired by a woman Rebecca Crawford whose husband has been taken by the flying dinosaur but they are joined by others who want a piece of this dinosaur. Even though there is a stupid plot point about a prostitute carrying dinosaur eggs (which isn’t fully explained) the women saddle up and track down this dinosaur menace that has been left out of the history books. A super cheeseball and surprisingly entertaining monster film made with hardly no money gets an A for effort as I give this film 2 ½ stars. Give it a watch kids!

 

King Solomon’s Mines (DVD/YouTube) – A mid-80s bootleg Indiana Jones film that also stars John Rhys-Davies as a villain so it has to be worth watching at least once. Richard Chamberlin stars as Quartermain the adventurer who helps a young lady Jesse (Sharon Stone) search for her father as the Germans have kidnapped him to find some mysterious mines. Even Quartermain laughs at the idea of these mines existing and being filled with riches but goes along for the ride anyway. Of course hijinks and bad green screen effects happen as the legends are true about the mines and Quartermain follows clues from a small statue in hopes of beating the Germans to the treasures. The film is fun and stupid and something to throw on a Saturday afternoon full of boredom as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Spare Parts (On Demand) – A Canadian flick in which an all-girl band Ms. 45 has just hit the long road of touring bars and was almost killed by a looney trying to run them off the road. This causes their tour van to have a flat. Luckily a cop comes past and helps them get a tow to a junkyard outside of this small town. The girls suddenly find themselves in some trouble when they are locked into an office in hopes of their van being fixed and weird stuff being found in the junk cars in the junkyard. The four girls awaken to missing their arms so weapons could be attached to them for fighting in a Thunderdome-like atmosphere in front of the townsfolk who believe in some fake god that wants blood! They make it through the gridiron the first time through and now the all-girl band is being trained for some special combat that has been foreseen by this god? This flick starts off crazy, gory, and right to the point but seems to slow itself down with a sort of love story instead of staying weird, crazy, and to the point. The film has a wonderful spark but it flames out with a so-so finish but I still give it 3 stars.

 

The Perfume of the Lady in Black (DVD/YouTube) – Sylvia is a hard working person who is always trying to stay on top of her projects. But Sylvia begins having weird visions that are not quite explained as she is also unsure of why this is happening to her? Sylvia keeps getting more weirded out by things as the film moves along but that is only when she isn’t banging her man Roberto who isn’t totally sure of Sylvia other than he is getting laid! I would like to say Sylvia in some perverse way lost her mind from the beginning but eventually I finally found a giallo I just couldn’t follow. A weird one for the Giallo experts to converse about as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Space Clown (DVD) – A found footage film with a comedic aspect to it as Graham Skipper just bought a camera so he can film his girlfriend and him making porn. Being denied by the girlfriend he uses the camera to go outside that night and film the meteor shower that just happens to drop space debris on their guest house. Graham only finds a circus horn and thinks nothing more of it as his best friend comes over to play drunken Nintendo hockey. Then the fun begins as a space clown shows up to cause chaos in Graham’s life and use his new camera to document everything. This low budget alien clownfest is annoying yet funny as hell as I give it 3 stars.

Land of the Minotaur (DVD) – Peter Cushing is a high priest who is controlling a child to sacrifice two outsiders to set up this film about potential present day devil worshipping. Donald Pleasence is a normal priest who doesn’t diddle kids that is worried about the two young outsiders who disappeared and were sacrificed. Pleasence tries to warn more young outsiders who come to investigate an archeological find they made recently but knows it’s no use. When they disappear within days of arriving Mr. Pleasence calls in his detective friend from New York to help go into the countryside and discover what is going on near these ancient ruins that are considered evil or “The Devil’s work”. Once they figure out the old Baron (Cushing) isn’t someone that can be defeated by mere bullets they sneak back into the chambers to fight the devil’s work and minions with something much stronger? Great casting for the film with Cushing and Pleasence about devil worship that doesn’t get dull even for being a film made 45 years ago and yes that is a dong on that Minotaur statue shoots flames out of its nostrils. Three star devil worship that entertains the whole way through and meant to be experienced again.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !  

Gross Movie Reviews #477

0
Posted on by

Gross Movie Reviews #477

 

Brightburn (On Demand) – Spoiler alert people imagine if Superman came to Earth and was raised on a farm and instead of thinking he is supposed to save humanity? He is to rule and destroy them all. At first he doesn’t want to hurt anyone but soon the voices in his head convince it is time to fuck everybody up. Wasn’t expecting a lot but it entertains and I enjoyed the ending since it wasn’t your cookie cutter happy ending that a lot of people tend to expect. I give it 2 stars. The film isn’t bad, it wasn’t good, just one of those you will forget quickly.

 

Unholy Rollers (DVD) – A forgotten early 70s film starring Claudia Jennings in a roller derby film produced by Roger Corman. Claudia plays a woman named Karen who has just quit her cat food job because she is tired of all the sexual harassment and wants something different in life. Along comes the local roller derby tryout that is looking for fresh faces and like wrestling is popular and pre-determined. With two other people out of many Karen is hired for not just her looks, but spunk or as the roller derby owner kept saying sportsmanship! Karen becomes a quick hit with fans which means money and fame but also jealously among the teams as they don’t like Karen looks down on them. As quickly as Karen gets big in the sport she burns out in the big climax of the film where she just goes batshit crazy. Fun 70s movie stuff that never gets old as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Paralyzed With Fear (DVD) – Mr. Glenn Berggoetz is back with another tale of horror as Glenn doesn’t just stick to one genre proving he is a talented independent filmmaker that keeps you guessing. This time around in the opening scene a woman and her husband are in a serious car accident that has her husband die from his injuries. Unhappy and depressed her daughter Hannah worries a lot until she comes up with an idea with her girlfriend to maybe talk to the dead. Hannah believes if they have a ceremony or séance with her mother they or her mother could talk to her dead husband to help his passing and she could move on. Hannah convinces mom it’s a good idea and they do it believing they have made contact with the dearly departed love one. But they learn the hard way sometimes the dead should stay dead as an evil spirit played by an iconic figure Kane Hodder as the ghastly demon has decided to haunt them. Hannah’s conjuring ceremony is not what she expected but it’s way too late as she is deceived also by the evil spirit. A simple creepy paranormal movie that proves you don’t need the latest technology or appeal to the teens’ bottom line to pull off a scary flick. It’s also fun in the manner that Kane’s devilish voice and appearance brings back delightful memories and feelings I have watching “Prince of Darkness” and for that I give Glenn’s new feature 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Back Again (DVD) – A newer independent filmmaker David Bachmeier to hit the scene has his latest short film that takes on a serial killer and has a cool intro from the legendary Glen Colburn. Tommy Lee Jarvis is a brutal serial killer who has been gunned down by authorities and buried. A drunken doctor and his assistant have taken it upon themselves to dig up his fresh corpse for their experiment. Biggest problem is their formula works and the undead killer is back for another horrible murder spree! I like the premise, I like the gore, the short is a little rough but I did enjoy what David had accomplished and look forward to his future projects as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Shaft (On Demand) – So this film wins the award for a project I didn’t see happening in 2019 or anytime soon. Bottom line Shaft has a kid and he needs his absentee father’s help in a case of a friend who may have been murdered. Figured a sequel like this would dumb and uneventful but instead is unforgiving, hilarious, and most likely the most politically incorrect movie of 2019 and thank the lord Rutger Hauer for that. Well casted and make fun of millennials for almost two hours straight I am in as I give it 3 stars.

 

Funland (VHS/YouTube) – David L. Lander is Bruce Berger the clown who happens to be the mascot of a big theme park called ‘Funland’. Berger is the annoying clown that everyone puts up with because he has been there from the beginning but things change when the original owner of ‘Funland’ supposedly commits suicide. Here comes an Italian family taking over the park and using it as a front. Of course Bruce cannot take this and completely snaps to the point he talks to wax statues, he was already talking to his puppet, but also plans to shoot the national Bruce Berger clown they are bringing in for opening day. Thinking this movie over you can easily sit back and say this movie is about a man with mental illness that has a complete breakdown and here is the result. Or the later I have a feeling everyone from the producers, to the writers, to the director was unsure of what kind of movie they were going for as the film isn’t real funny and has a couple very racy scenes. I give the film only 1 star but if you are a weird film buff you may want to go down the rabbit hole of finding this for a watch?

The Keep (DVD) – It is 1941 and Nazi soldiers are sent into the Romanian mountains to investigate and guard a mysterious place called ‘The Keep’. The place was built for some unknown reason many years ago before WWII and Hitler thought of. The villagers there have been caretakers of ‘The Keep’ as long as they all can remember. But there are stories of people disappearing or not making the night there at ‘The Keep’. Of course the Nazi soldiers are completely fascinated by this legend and possibility of silver being in the labyrinth so go and disturb something ancient. A few days later and Nazi soldiers dying equally mysterious French man shows up wanting a room overlooking ‘The Keep’. Thus awaiting a battle… The film isn’t great but an interesting piece of cinema from Michael Mann who was very popular in the 80s as there are stories of the film plagued by problems that include the author of the original story claimed it had nothing to do with his story. There is a rumored 200 minute plus cut of the film!!! Interesting soundtrack by Tangerine Dream… The film is good vs. evil using the Nazi power at its height as the backdrop but I believe never comes close to being what it could have been? This is one of those flicks that are more popular for what happened off screen than what happened on screen but I still give it 2 stars because I am a Scott Glenn fan.

 

Phantom of Death (DVD) – A less talked about Italian film from Ruggero Deodato that is a thriller about a famous pianist. Michael York plays the pianist but it seems immediately death surrounds him as a string of murders are quickly connected to the pianist by police inspector Donald Pleasence. What’s weird ten minutes in the police inspector knows who the killer is but no one believes him. And to the viewer it becomes quickly clear who it is as the pianist discovers he has a rare incurable disease that sends him off the edge of playing cat and mouse with the inspector! He goes around the Italian countryside playing a game of death always being one step ahead of the inspector. As the illness continues to get worse the crazier Michael York’s character gets. It wasn’t really impressive but one of those horror flicks I cross off my “must need to see” list as I give it 2 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Grossfest 2 is coming… July 20, 2019, check our Grossfest Facebook page and www.grossfest.com for details. #grossfest #grossfest2019

Two new episodes for your listening pleasures

0
Posted on by

This week we welcome back our good buddy Jon Cross to the show to talk about one of our favorite subjects DONALD PLEASENCE in HALLOWEEN 6, TREASURE OF THE YANKEE ZEPHYR, and DOUBLE TARGET.  We also chat about missing Rutger Hauer in the new Blade Runner flick,  A brief history of The X-Files, Kyle falls down a Verne Troyer based YouTube wormhole, Vietnam flicks,  The awesomeness of Paul L. Smith,  Mothra hatred, and most importantly DONALD god damn PLEASENCE!!!!

 

www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com

This week Tim and Kyle get together to discuss a movie that is a hotly contested subject out there in internet land in THE SHAPE OF WATER.  Also we chat about a flick that could be called Victorian Ghostbusters in WINCHESTER.  And a flick about a killer clown before the glut of killer clown movies that we are getting now these days in AMUSEMENT.  Also we discover Kyle’s extreme hatred of Michael Shannon, Destroyed bathrooms, CHUDS, and other nonsensical garbage.  So enjoy!

 

www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com