Gross Movie Reviews #553
The Deep House (On Demand) – A new French haunted house flick that immediately changes the rules when the haunted home is underwater. Anyway a young couple whose biggest thing is getting the clicks as they want sell their footage of haunted places to a network or be paid to have it stream as they have made it a habit to visit haunted places around the world. They hear about this underwater house in a village and seek it out only to find out it has become a popular tourist attraction. The couple meets a man who agrees to take them to a part of the lake that no one visits but there are odd stories about the family never left before they flooded the area for the dam in the 80s. The young couple dives down to check it out only to creep each other out for the footage. But as they swim deeper into the water logged home weird sounds can be heard and they follow them only to find a couple who is chained above a pentagram in a room. Of course they freak out when the creep factor is turned up past ten when the corpses’ eyes open! This haunted didn’t exactly hit the sweet spot for me but I can definitely express that the new horror fans will enjoy this scare show as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Creature From the Haunted Sea (DVD) – A fun early Roger Corman drive-in film from 1961 where a gangster is asked to smuggle loot of Cuba. Once in his possession, on a boat, and out at a sea, the crew comes up with a hoax of a sea monster to steal the loot. Problem the monster is real and begins killing the people aboard. A cheesy black and white monster romp worth seeking out to have for the home drive-ins as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Hobgoblins 2 (DVD) – Yes, the first was so bad I couldn’t stay away from the sequel which was released twenty years later in 2009. This time it begins in an insane asylum where a group of students learn about the Hobgoblins. After the mad doctor who is trying to teach the class says the name Hobgoblins three times the creatures are back to life and causing havoc. Once again the students must face their fears in order to conquer these lame creatures. The first film was bad this sequel is somehow ten times worse as I cannot recommend this as I have to give it 0 stars.
Treasure of the Amazon (DVD) – A true story based on treasure hunters in 1958 South America which apparently included the great Donald Pleasence playing an-ex-Nazi soldier who wants the treasure to restart the “Third Reich”. Anyway, three groups of people enter the jungle against all odds to find a treasure of a lifetime. The treasure is gold and diamonds but even if found the groups have to contend with the cannibal tribe that lives within the jungle. If that isn’t enough there are killer crabs as they destroy an individual. It was some pretty cool effects. The film has a few dull points but still does a solid job of giving a thrilling adventure as I give it 2 stars.
New York Ninja (DVD) – A legit ninja film from 1984 and filmmaker John Liu but it was never finished until now. The original negative was found recently, restored, voiceover work done, and some editing (which included rewriting an ending) and poof in all its glory the film has been finally released for all the ninja fans to enjoy. Of course 1984 New York is being overrun by criminal activity and John’s wife is killed while she tried to stop abduction. John learning of this tragic news takes it upon himself that New York needs a hero, a ninja hero who threatens to clean up the city of crime. His revenge is to track down criminals and try to find the big man himself “Plutonium Killer” and put an end to his carnage. This flick is outlandish fun that loses some steam getting to the finish line as I give it 2 ½ stars.
American Rickshaw (DVD) – Nothing like an Eye-talian flick set in Miami where a young dude named Scott runs an American Rickshaw as a job to put himself through college when he isn’t helping old Asian women in the rain. One night Scott gets coaxed by a beautiful lady after a ride to join her for some bumping uglies… But quickly Scott finds out he is part of amateur porn and beats the guy up with the camera. Problem is Scott grabs the wrong tape when he leaves upset and goes back to get the real tape of him on it to destroy it. Bigger problem happens because there is a hitman that was looking for a key the porn director carried and lost during the fight with Scott. Boat is on fire, cops get involved, more people die, Scott is being blamed while the hitman is trying to retrieve the key. Oh by the way the old lady Doctor Strange is in a lifelong battle with TV preacher Donald Pleasence because he is the devil who fights a snake and a cat in a 60 second segment of the movie. Yes, the movie is a complete mess but I dare you to stop watching this confusing yet entertaining action/thriller as I give it 2 ½ stars for the mess it is.
George A. Romero Presents Deadtime Stories Volume Two (DVD) – Again enjoyed the stories being read by George Romero and his little quips but the stories I felt lacked passion this time around. The first segment is about three young adventures that go into a cave and do not come back the same when they need rescued. The second segment is about a professor at Sabbath Hill University who sleeps with one of his unstable students who commits suicide in his class because all in the class are not allowed to miss class and it comes back to haunt him. The third segment is about dust from the surface of Mars that is to be studied but believed by a doctor it could be a cure for cancer. So a distraught security guard steals it to cure his cancer-riddled wife only to find it has some cannibalistic effects. Maybe the stories were just dated but this sequel to the first anthology felt uninspiring as I give it 1 star.
Schizoid (DVD) – You know you are in for a crazy time when the first person listed in the credits of the film is Klaus Kinski. This creepy thriller has Kinski as a doctor who holds a therapy group session on Tuesday and Thursdays. He believes it actually works for all involved but a black gloved stalker about to be killer is tired of them all and wants them dead one by one. Letters are being sent to Julie as she has an advice column and part of the group but has a tough time getting the police to believe the letters should be taken seriously. This ‘who dun it’ flick isn’t trying to reinvent the genre but anytime you involve 1980 crazy ass Klaus Kinski you are gonna have a fun time watching that film as I give it 3 stars.
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