Category Archives: Gross Movie Reviews

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Come hang out with us next Saturday… Bring us a beverage, people know I like Yuengling but that Christine M. Soltis is crazy in a good way because I think she likes Box wine!!!? But in all seriousness come out and check out me the crazy beer drinking hobo hang with the smart people and discuss A.I. aka me screaming about X-files… Then check out the great selection of books at Chris Rickert‘s bookstore! — at Rickert & Beagle Books.

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Gross Movie Reviews #317

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Gross Movie Reviews #317

 

 By Tim Gross

 

Reap (DVD) – A short film from Kyle Cates that was one of the many extras on the excellent independent thriller “Intrusion”. The film has a fun shot on video early 90s vibe where a married couple is getting ready to have a baby soon, new house, and cannot wait to spend their lives together. But soon this is all disrupted when an unknown individual breaks into the home and brutally rapes and kills the wife. During a struggle shortly after the husband gets the upper hand and takes matters into his own hands and disgustingly destroys the person that has ruined his perfect life. I give it 2 1/2 out of 4 stars.

 

Don’t Look Now (VHS) – A Donald Sutherland and Julie Christie film from 1973 based on a novel set in Venice, Italy. Jon and Laura is a happy couple until their daughter drowns in a creek in the backyard but the disturbing thing is Jon may have seen it happen before it did. Some time passes with Jon set on rebuilding an old church and his wife Laura still trying to pick up the pieces meets a woman and her sister who is blind and they see Laura’s dead child. The movie moves at a snail’s pace and is supposed to be atmospheric. Me, I just could not get into the film at any point and wondered out loud if Donald had in his contract that he must be naked in every film he made in the 70s. I give the flick 1 star.

 

The ABCs of Death (DVD) – The concept is 26 short films by 26 different filmmakers from around the world and each of their films is one of the letters of the alphabet. Some are great, a few are horrible, and a couple I just snickered at. But the anthology project is something great for horror in my opinion because I believe Hollywood or at least some involved with Hollywood took notice of what has been done a few times now in the past decade by awesome unknown independent filmmakers. What I did take away from this interesting project was the second half of the alphabet really seems to have a toilet theme going…? I give it 3 stars and independent filmmakers remember someone has noticed what all yinz unknown talented bitches and bastards are doing!

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Claws (VHS) – Imagine William Girdler’s “Grizzly” on no budget with lots of bear stock footage. Anyway apparently after a grizzly is wounded five years ago, it has a taste for human blood in the Alaskan mountains. Some of the natives believe the bear is the “devil bear” and cannot be killed or it’s a ghost sent to haunt humans for fucking with bears. Either way the film is a butt load of fun if you like ‘When Animal Attacks’ flicks. I give the flick 2 ½ stars. This film proves why a lot of 70s flicks are just going to get better with age.

 

Twisted Fate (DVD) – A budding independent filmmaker Timothy Novotny with big ideas gave me his first short film from 2012 that has two men: Samuel and Kain hanging out in a basement looking for salvation in one form or other. I like the bleakness, the guts, and the arguments of the bible that compare to what’s left of the world after it went to hell. But a little more budget and a different direction may have made this short film just plain bad ass! With a little confidence in his future projects and his team up with one of my personal favorite independent filmmakers Jim Roberts makes me joyful in what Tim has in store for horror film fans like me. I give the flick 2 out of 4 stars. For more details on this filmmaker and other projects check out: www.novotariansyndicate.com .

 

Outpost 3: Rise of the Spetsnaz (On Demand) – The prequel/sequel to the amazing Nazi Zombie Bunker films that I am sure Hollywood will try to remake it and have Paul W. ‘I suck’ S. Anderson destroy it like he does with most projects. This story takes place towards the end of WWII with a Russian hit squad making their way towards a secret Nazi facility. Little they know Nazis are doing experiments of all sorts on the undead. Once captured and most of them killed, two surviving bad ass Russians just put an ass whopping on zombie experiments and Nazi officers in order to escape the underground prison. Cool creatures, great gore, but the film just doesn’t fit with the two great films before it. If you have seen the first two films this maybe a letdown since the first two films not only set the bar very high to top, but had an ending that satisfy most viewers. Also make sure you pay attention to when the American soldier is introduced to the Russians as his name is Captain Rogers. I give the film 2 stars.

 

The Dark Side of the Moon (VHS) – This is a little unknown sci-fi flick that predates “Event Horizon” by several years. Its 2022 and a ship comes across Discovery 18 which disappeared after a splashdown in the Bermuda Triangle 30 years ago. The crew having issues with its instruments and oxygen levels right before they go into the shadow of the moon find the drifting ship. The crew boards in hopes of finding answers to their ship’s problems but end up with a whole other set of problems, mainly the devil may have been waiting for them in outer space? The film doesn’t have much of a budget or named actors but has a well-rounded story that makes the film worth tracking down if you never heard of it. Call it a hidden gem as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Man of Steel (DVD) – The newest version of Superman hit the big screen with lots of fanfare and comic book geeks ejaculating all over themselves. The film retells the story of Clark Kent hiding among us common humans and brings back one of the coolest villains ever in General Zod where Superman must choose sides between the new Krypton and Earth. The film was entertaining and I got to admit I did enjoy the new Zod but felt Russell Crowe was a little over the top and just feel it’s hard to beat the cheesy Christopher Reeve version with the perfect General Zod in part two. I give the film 2 ½ stars. Let’s hope it doesn’t take another $200 – $500 million dollars and twenty years later to keep the franchise going as I love Marvel but Superman was always intriguing…

7th Day 2012 movie poster

7th Day (DVD) – In the past most independent filmmakers would make a serial killer film and as a reviewer I would  almost cringe at the thought of it as the project was usually brainless, bloodless, and a complete waste of time as they would try to mostly use naked women to sell the bad product.But the past year or two independent filmmakers and writers have blown me away how they have been able to make these lean, mean, gritty, serial killer films that make Hollywood blush. And Jason Koch made sure this project was no different than that trend in blowing me away with the “7th Day” film. We meet a man named Allen Dean who knows what he is and tells the viewer plain and simple, “This is what he does.” Allen narrates most of the film or talks to a ghost, his conscience, image of a mutated reporter (take your pick) and takes you the viewer through his insanely sleazy life. Allen Dean would like you to know he picks his victims by “selections” and is completely sane even if he feels the need to do cocaine with his neighbor or have sex with one of his victims. Even with all that going on Mr. Dean is trying to figure out how he can get the love of his life to notice him at his dead end job. The film takes an unconventional roller coaster ride into the gross and sick world of Allen Dean, with just a dash of sleaze that makes you want to watch and enjoy the film alone and be sure to take a shower after. Bravo Jason Koch, you have gotten my attention and most likely many others and good luck. I give the project 3 ½ out of 4 stars. You can find the film at: www.direwitfilms.com .

 

Beware! The Blob (VHS/YouTube) – It’s the follow-up to the 50s classic that takes a more comedic approach its basic premise Hippies vs. The Blob. The film feels like exploitation but just feel it’s just one of those bad 70s films that most of our parents enjoyed making fun at the drive-in back in their day. Oh by the way, an instant frozen ice rink kills it and did I mention Larry Hagman directed with having Dick Van Patten, Cindy Williams, Sid Haig, and Burgess Meredith in his cast? I give it 1 ½ stars but if I’m drunk I would give it 3 stars.

 

Bermuda Tentacles (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Oh thank the lord Rutger Hauer that SyFy Channel has broken their almost five month drought without a new Saturday night flick! John Savage plays the president, Linda Hamilton plays a Naval fleet commanding officer, and Jamie Kennedy plays a scientist (remember the talented Tara Reid in “Alone in the Dark”), I believe I have said too much besides the Bermuda Triangle is an alien being! I give it 2 stars and thank you SyFy Channel.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Also you now can purchase the co-directed film project from Daniel Boyd and I called, “Jagoff Massacre” at www.jagoffmassacre.com . There is a sequel in the works…

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also Cannibal Campout, Woodchipper Massacre, and a Spookies T-shirts also!!!! Go towww.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

 

Don’t forget you can find me here on May 3rd:

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Gross Movie Reviews #316

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Gross Movie Reviews #316

 

By Tim Gross

 

Oblivion (DVD) – A great sci-fi/western/comedy off the beaten path type of film from Charles Band and Full Moon back in the mid-90s. It’s the year 3031 and the old west is back again with even a cyborg deputy played by the cool ass Meg Foster! A bad dude named Red Eye played by Andrew Divoff rolls into town of Oblivion for the mere reason to shoot down the town sheriff. Once done, Red Eye and his S&M sidekick Lash plan on taking over the town. The son of the sheriff learns of the news from the undertaker and returns to a town looking for a new sheriff and he believes he isn’t it as his father and he didn’t see eye to eye. Whether Zack wants to or not he must face off with Red Eye in a showdown as lives depend on it. The film has some great moments that include the night scorps and an arm wrestling event that involves a little green puppet monster. This is a film that has been forgotten by most but worth revisiting as Charles Band proved he can do other projects outside of the usual suspects: Puppet Master, Trancers, and Subspecies. The film also stars the likes of Issac Hayes, Julie Newmar, George Takei, Carel Struycken, and Irwin Keyes. I give the flick 3 stars.

 

Oblivion 2: Backlash (DVD) – The film continues the storyline of Lash still doing criminal activity but with Red Eye dead she is forced to do everything herself and the new sheriff Zack plans on keeping the town of Oblivion safe. But soon that changes when a bounty hunter played by Maxwell Caulfield flies his ship into town to arrest Lash for something she never did years ago. Zack finds himself between a rock and a hard place when he has to defend Lash but also finds out Red Eye has a brother Jaggar has just landed and wants to find Lash also. The sequel struggles to have the same fun western/sci-fi feel of the first flick and seems at times Charles Band maybe shouldn’t have stretch the storyline to a second film… But if you watched the first film you need to see the second film to see how it ends as I give the film 2 stars.

 

Gingerdead Man vs. Evil Bong (DVD) – The mish-mash flick may never have lived up to the hyped but Charles Band goes all out to market the film any way possible as I got mine in a box of cereal called “WEEDIES”! At least Full Moon veteran actress Robin Sydney (Sarah) returns; as the pretty girl who owns the bakery that brought to life the foul-mouthed cookie monster we all know and love. But Charles Band doesn’t stop there as he brings back Larnell from the “Evil Bong” series and he relives his story through flashbacks now that he owns his own Head Shop and would like to meet Sarah in order to help each other out business wise. Meanwhile the evil cookie is back and wants his revenge on Sarah but he has to go find them in the world of EEBEE the Evil Bong. Soon it builds for a face-off that just putters out than be a fun colossal fight. This film disappointed me, but shouldn’t have as Charles Band has tried mish-mash fights like this in the past and it doesn’t translate well in Full Moon movie world as I give the film 1 ½ stars.

 

The Missing (DVD) – Tommy Lee Jones stars in this supernatural western film that has him as a father to Kate Blatchett that left her years ago to pursue a dream he had that told him that he needed to leave his family. But now he is back trying to reconnect only to have it go wrong when an Indian attacks his family and kidnaps his granddaughter. But this Indian is considered a witch as he hangs snakes from trees and only believes in selling women of any color in Mexico. To be honest I totally forgot this flick but glad I got a chance to watch this film as I can see why some people even classify it as a horror film. I give it 3 stars.

Survival Quest

Survival Quest (VHS) – A great forgotten Don Coscarelli film that doesn’t get its due it deserves as Lance Henriksen plays a character named Hank Chambers who is a mountain man that helps normal people come to his camp and learn to work together, survive in the wild, and respect the world. When Hank confronts a crazed weekend warrior and he is wounded his group runs for their lives and tries to survive the crazed weekend warrior’s attacks throughout the woods and the only ones they can depend on is themselves as Hank has taught them. A great 80s adventure film that seems timeless and deserves a better fate than YouTube/VHS hell. I give the flick 4 stars and as usual prove Lance Henriksen makes everything better including having Reggie Bannister as your airplane pilot.

 

The Last Warrior (DVD) – A 9.7 magnitude earthquake separates California from the rest of the United States and Dolph Lundgren has taken it upon himself to try and restore order at his lonely armed forces compound to all who come. The film sounds better than it is just for the mere fact the film lacks budget and could have possibly been bad ass if there was a better budget for Dolph and company. I give the film 2 stars.

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My Sucky Teen Romance (DVD) – Emily Hagins, the young filmmaker that gave us the interesting zombie flick “Pathogen” several years ago this time around tackles teens facing college, their last trip to SpaceCon, and are vampires actually real. The movie pokes fun at the recent “Twilight” films every chance it gets but also pokes fun at today’s awkward teens just trying to live their lives the way they want. Don’t let the title mislead you away from this very funny and a must watch comedy. I give it 3 stars.

 

The Fine Art (VHS) – Its Eric Stanze’s shot on video student film from 1992 and released in 1994 that revolves around an artist named Valerie that is very talented but not at love as she is very unsure of herself. Valerie goes out on a blind date at her friend’s persistence with a friend of hers and soon allows him into her world. But when Valerie peaks into his world she is disturbed and scared what could happen next, especially when her best friend brings up the Cedar Hill Slayer murders that happened last year. The film is very rough around the edges but if given a chance you can see why Eric Stanze is considered a talented filmmaker. I give it 2 stars.

 

Bounty Hunters 2: Hardball (VHS) – Michael Dudikoff and Lisa Howard are back in the sequel playing bounty hunters who get tangled up with the mob only to realize they really need to work together before both are killed. Yeah, the movie is a big bag of boring poo but with Dudikoff starring and a number 2 after the title there was no way I could pass it up. I give the flick 1 star.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Also you now can purchase the co-directed film project from Daniel Boyd and I called, “Jagoff Massacre” at www.jagoffmassacre.com . There is a sequel in the works…

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also Cannibal Campout, Woodchipper Massacre, and a Spookies T-shirts also!!!! Go towww.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews #315

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Gross Movie Reviews #315

 

 By Tim Gross

 

The Visitor (DVD) – The crazy hippie space out film from 1979 is also known as “Stridulum” is being released by Alamo Drafthouse Films. I believe there is no sure way to describe Hippie Jesus and an old dude help alien children and they are from a different dimension or something like that. This film makes the ‘mindfuck’ film “Fight Club” like a normal boring film. Apparently, Space Jesus aka Franco Nero tells a story about an alien prisoner who escaped years ago and pretty much impregnated any woman he could on earth so there would be evil alien children! It only gets better when a 8 year old named Katie shows up at a Lance Henriksen owned Atlanta Rebels basketball game to make a basketball explode in the final seconds and no one questions it. From there Katie’s mom doesn’t want to get married or have another child as Lance’s character presses her to do so as he is being controlled by a room full of unknown men. There is an agenda somewhere but between the old dude John Huston showing up to take Katie to another dimension and some weird sexual thing in white tents on top of a building I am not sure exactly what agenda it is serving except for those of you that will take LSD when watching the film. The film also stars Sam Peckinpah, Shelley Winters, and Glenn Ford in a movie that words cannot do justice for… Which by the way did I mention Space Jesus? Good luck my weird movie watching friends as I give the film 3 stars for just being that out there.

 

Bounty Hunters (VHS) – Michael Dudikoff is a low end bounty hunter that needs a paycheck to his bills that month and pleads to the local police he needs something. Well, he gets a guy he is supposed to pick up that gets him $10,000 but soon realizes he might want more money as a woman bounty hunter has been camping out on the guy for five days and they just got mixed up into some mob business. Unless you are a Dudikoff fan it’s not the most exciting action film as I give it 2 stars.

 

This is the End (DVD) – James Franco is having his usual Hollywood party that has all the young rich stars partying like it’s the end of the world until it is. Earthquakes begin to happen; trees are falling, people getting sucked up by blue lights from the sky, people dying… Once Seth Rogen and his best friend get back from the convenience store, Franco and others board up the house and try to decide what the next move is for them, if any. The film is hilarious but for me not as good as “The World’s End” but was still glad I got to see it. I have to give the flick 3 stars.

 

The Art of the Steal (On Demand) – If you were awaiting Kurt Russell’s comeback like I was you will not be disappointed in this crime/action flick that has Kurt Russell as an aging thief who did 5 ½ years in a Poland prison and now retired from the life of crime after his brother put him there. Russell is a motorcycle riding stuntman who pretty much does stunts for small carnivals and so on which pales in comparison what he used to do in another life. But when an opportunity arises for Russell to not only get back in the game but be remembered for one of the biggest art heists ever he has a plan you don’t see coming until it is over. The film is well directed, well casted, and kept me at the edge of my seat the whole time. Loved every second of screen time Russell had and just to top it off General Zod from “Superman 2” is a former art thief who helps authorities look into criminals like Russell’s character. The film is absolutely brilliant and cannot wait to watch it again as I believe it will be one of the best films for me in 2014 as I give it 4 stars.

 

Machete Kills (DVD) – Danny Trejo is back to reprise his role as “Machete” this time to do a job for his new country and to help out president Carlos Estevez kill a man in Mexico who has his sights or missile aimed at Washington D.C. But when the missile is control by the madman’s heart Machete just can’t kill him he must fight to get him over the border in 24 hours and get the only other person that exists to remove the contraption. Once again lots of over the top action, blood, and famous cameos but in the end I find myself enjoying the first film more than this sequel. Maybe it was missing crazy luchadors? But if Robert Rodriguez is able to pull off a third film that takes place in space that could be even more amazing than the first film! I give the sequel 3 stars and thought it was smart casting choice in making Mel Gibson the villain “Voz”. Now go and enjoy!

 

Hidden (DVD) – A fun horror film about a dude that inherits a building that just happens to hold his mother’s scientific experiments where she believed she could cure addiction all together with the help of a flying insect. But once himself and friends arrive to check out the place and decide what to do with it the man finds out his mother did these experiments hidden away for good reason as strange kids begin to fucking eat his friends one by one. The film reminds me a lot of the relatively unknown horror film “The Kindred” from 1987. The horror film is worth taking a chance on as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Back Road

Back Road (DVD) – Independent film producer and writer Jon Manthei with the help of writer/director Joseph Thompson is back at it again with his latest short film that in my belief could make a great 75 or 80 minute feature. The film follows Tommy and Tabaitha who are on their first date and have a flat tire on a long dirt road and its getting dark. Together they find help from a kind stranger driving by only to find they are next on the family’s menu but the film ends when it is just beginning as one of the couple have a surprise for the cannibal family. The film feels like “Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 and 3” meets “From Dusk Till Dawn” as it lures you in with the feeling you have seen this film before until the surprise happens and makes you want more from the talented duo. What makes the film work really well is not only how well the surprise is set up but I thought the two actors playing Tommy and Tabaitha played the ‘awkward first date couple’ so well you actually feel really bad when they are first kidnapped. I give the short film 3 ½ out of 4 stars and hope the talented duo listens and fleshes out a feature of this short film with a little more darker and demonic overtone to it? To find out more about Jon Manthei, Joseph Thompson, and their future projects go check out www.facebook.com/campfirepictures . Oh by the way look for the Ted Nugent for President bumper sticker, it fits perfect in this short film.

TRANCERS1_5Newsletter

Trancers City of Lost Angels (DVD) – Finally, the lost sequel or segment for Charles Band’s “Pulsepounders” anthology that never seen the light of day has been restored and released to DVD recently. Most people call it “Trancers 1.5” as the 25 minute film picks sometime after the first film with Jack Deth and his girlfriend Helen Hunt in 1986 running Deth’s detective agency. While during an argument between the two, McNulty knocks on the door after coming down the line to warn Jack about a criminal Edlin Shock who has escaped and wants him dead after spending five years in a prison in the future. Jack Deth springs into action again to return the futuristic criminal only to realize he misses the past and wants to spend his time in the past. It’s great seeing this film as if you are a fan of the series “1.5” fits just right into the timeline and most likely was to help new fans of Full Moon in 1988/1989 to understand the Jack Deth character more as the first film was hard to find depending where you lived. Once the sequels came out, the first film eventually became easier to find especially with the introduction of DVD in the 90s. I give the film 3 stars if you are a fan of the series, 2 stars if you are new to the whole Jack Deth story as most likely since this is one of the earlier Full Moon series that hasn’t had a sequel or reboot in years?

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Also you now can purchase the co-directed film project from Daniel Boyd and I called, “Jagoff Massacre” at www.jagoffmassacre.com . There is a sequel in the works…

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also Cannibal Campout, Woodchipper Massacre, and a Spookies T-shirts also!!!! Go towww.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews #314

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Gross Movie Reviews #314

 

By Tim Gross

 

Cheerleader Camp (DVD) – A 1988 slasher that got past me during my teenage years and once I found out about the film I made it a point to track it down and review the slasher flick. And after many years the horror film did not disappoint me as I enjoyed its gory cheese the whole way. The film sports a great cast for a slasher film in Leif Garrett, George “Buck” Flower, Betsy Russell, the amazing looking Lucinda Dickey (the Breakin’ films), and a before porn and absolutely beautiful Teri Weigel! The film follows a group of cheerleaders that leave for the wilderness to train and win the Cheerleader championship… Sounds fun for all until Allison keeps having bad dreams and her boyfriend Leif Garrett keeps trying to bang other women, then next thing you know someone gets a bear trap to the face and another gets hedge clippers to the face. Blood, boobs, and more blood make this slasher film worth revisiting again as I give it 3 stars and may boast the funniest mascot eating lunch scene ever? Apparently depending what country the film was released it could be found as “Bloody Poms Poms” on VHS and DVD.

CM 2

Circuitry Man 2: Plughead Rewired (VHS) – Vernon Wells stars as Plughead in this futuristic film where most humans live underground and the government has Plughead to experiment on until he makes a deal with a scientist (Traci Lords) to help her have a baby. After helping Plughead escaped he is back in business and rewiring humans in order for them to extend their life by ten years and it is up to the Romeo droid again to stop him. George “Buck” Flower and Nicolas Worth round out this great low budget 90s sci-fi flick. Vernon Wells always makes movies better and this no different as I give the flick 3 stars.

 

Sorority Girls and the Creature from Hell (VHS) – This beyond low budget sci-fi film from 1990 has an archeologist stumbling upon an ancient relic in a mountain that just happens to possess him and search for blood. Meanwhile his niece, daughter, can’t remember goes with friends to his cabin to fuck around until they are massacred quite quickly. I give the flick 2 stars.

 

Invaders from Mars (DVD) – A mid-80s Tobe Hooper flick that I always get mixed up with 1983s “Strange Invaders”. This flick plays out more like a very creepy episode of “Goosebumps” with wicked ass alien creatures. But anyway one night during a stormy night aliens land at Copper Hill, a small California town where they begin to take over humans and consume copper. Soon most of the town is taken over except for a kid and he gets the school nurse (Karen Black) to believe him and try to help get the army to stop it before it’s too late. The kid is played by Hunter Carson who just happened to be the original Bud Bundy but was let go after the pilot when Ed O’Neal felt like he just wasn’t right for the part. Plus we get a quick Conehead impression from Lorraine Newman (pay attention at the end of the film), James Karen playing an army general, and the legendary Phil Fondacaro is uncredited with playing one of the alien creatures. A cool and creepy classic sci-fi/horror film for many who grew up during the 80s. I give the film 3 stars.

 

Girls Nite Out (DVD) – A 1982 slasher film starring Hal Holbrook that looks more like it was made in 1977. It’s ‘Hell Week’ at college and the new pledges are told of the legendary Dickey Cavanagh who couldn’t take the break up with his girlfriend real well and killed her. Security guard Hal Holbrook makes a phone call to the asylum only to find out Dickey killed himself two days ago when these killings started. This may be the best bear suited slasher film to date as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Kiss in Attack of the Phantoms (DVD) – The made for TV movie was also known as “Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park” but in 1978 was beyond the imagination of Kiss fans as they could not get enough of Kiss. But the film also marks the beginning of the end for the legendary rock band or at least the original members as fights broke out behind the scenes. The film may be more notorious for its behind the scenes action than what was actually being filmed for the NBC movie of the week? The film had problems from the beginning as Kiss having such a heavy touring schedule at the time was not able to write new songs for the film or even be able to reshoot some scenes that were unusable and eventually some dubbing was done. Plus there was pointing of fingers of drug use, rewrites, etc. But after it was finished all four members refuse to acknowledge the bad film. Basic plot is Kiss comes to play a couple concerts at an amusement park but ends up getting entangled in a fight with an evil scientist that wants to destroy Kiss. The film was based on their comic book characters which also explain how big the band was at the time. The film is completely retarded and doesn’t make much sense but will always give me the memory of my mom looking for the VHS tape for almost a full decade during the 80s so she could give it to my brother for his birthday one year. Too much time has passed for me to remember why it was so hard to find but it always makes for a great memory when watching Peter Criss flipping around, Gene Simmons roaring like a lion for no reason, Paul sporting the hairy chest, and Ace karate kicking weird ass cat people next to a roller coaster! I may only give the movie 1 star but I will always have that memory.

 

The Retaliator (VHS) – The very underrated actor Robert Ginty aka ‘The Exterminator’ is pissed that he captures a American woman (Sandahl Bergman) who is helping terrorists while his team was there to rescue two kids. When Ginty’s character tries to find out more about her he learns she went brain dead so the CIA decides to experiment on her and turn her into a weapon aka “Eve of Destruction”. But soon she gains some memories after killing her target and decides she needs more targets. Great low budget action stuff that will make you forget the Gregory Hines film. I give the flick 3 stars and can be also found under the title “Programmed to Kill”.

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Also you now can purchase the co-directed film project from Daniel Boyd and I called, “Jagoff Massacre” at www.jagoffmassacre.com . There is a sequel in the works…

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also Cannibal Campout, Woodchipper Massacre, and Spookies T-shirts also!!!! Go towww.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews loves the new “Delirium” magazine!

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Gross Movie Reviews loves the new “Delirium” magazine!

 

By Tim Gross

 

For years I have collected horror magazines: Fangoria, Gorezone, Slaughter House, Toxic Horror, Fango’s poster mags, Horrorhound, Ultra Violent, Rue Morgue… They were all good in their own way but at all times I always felt something was missing and me being me it was Full Moon! Yeah I have shouted from the heavens for years Full Moon and Charles Band never got much respect in the horror magazine world. Call me crazy but it was one of the many reasons I stop buying magazines a couple years ago. Every once in a while there would be a blurb two sentences long about Band’s latest flick and that was it. But didn’t “Batman Returns” and even Gene Simmons grace the covers of Fangoria. Really, but that is for another article and another time of ranting.

Then a couple months ago I heard rumbles that Full Moon was going to be in the business of not only doing their own streaming channel but a full color magazine? At first, I thought this had to be another of Charles Band’s crazy ideas that may never see the light of day as the man seems to have more projects going all at once than most studios attempt in a full year. But after the streaming site went up and I heard Full Moon fans actually giggle in delight I knew I had to take this seriously. But what also got my attention was Chris Alexander was going to have a big hand in bringing the Full Moon magazine to life. Mr. Alexander deserves credit for bringing back Fangoria from the dimension of “No one gives a fuck about that magazine any longer”. So I knew when this magazine was released I was in for a treat and a treat it is Full Moon fans. Imagine the original black and white Full Moon newsletter, the great Videozone after all the great Full Moon films, and Charles Band’s great You Tube updates all smashed into a beautiful creation called, “Delirium!”

Delirium is a magazine fully dedicated to everything Full Moon and to top it off for its first issue they go get Stuart Gordon for an interview and talk everything “Re-Animator” which makes my Full Moon heart just melt. The first bi-monthly issue not only covers Stuart Gordon, but Barbara Crampton, music of Richard Band, 88 Films, Tourist Trap ( a Chuck Connors classic), The new Wizard Studios, and lets you in on Blue Underground has just hooked up with Charles Band and company. What makes this magazine special is it makes me think Charles Band read my mind but in all honestly just shows Full Moon is back and seems to be traveling the path of being as popular as they were in the 90s if not bigger… with much more to come! So be sure you do yourself a favor and get a subscription to my new favorite magazine NOW!!! The Puppet Master fan in you commands you to do so or face the fury of Blade, Jester, Pinhead, and Leech woman.

delirium-issue-1-cover

Horror Realm this weekend horror movie fans!!!

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Horror Realm march

 

 

 

Come on out as I will have a table with co-director Daniel Boyd as we continue pimping out our new film Jagoff Massacre! We will have copies of the film for sale and we still have a few T-shirts left. Plus I will have my book The Big Ass Book of Gross Movie Reviews for sale and of course I will be there to talk about the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast, Spookies, Jagoff Massacre 2 as its in pre-production, my next book which was recently finished and just waiting for the perfect cover from the great artist Ed Quillin! And as always we will have a beer or two or 12… So come on by the convention check out all the guests, movies, and at some point stop by to chat with Gross Movie Reviews himself Tim Gross. I will see yinz there!

Gross Movie Reviews #313

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Gross Movie Reviews #313

 

By Tim Gross

 

Homesick (DVD) – An independent film that was released through Synapse Films that stars the very talented Tiffany Shepis, Bill Moseley, and Tom Towles. Friends at a party one night are visited by a strange man or should I say razor salesman who holds Shepis hostage while he asks questions and cuts himself with razors that were in his suitcase. The questions result in who you want to die? Well after the salesman/Bill Moseley leaves, the friends begin dying one by one and not sure how to stop the killing spree. There is a good amount of gore and a couple uncomfortable scenes for the horror newbies but overall the film was kinda blah and may have be better off with less acting talent and using the money for other things to help the film. I give the movie 2 stars.

 

Fall Down Dead (DVD) – The great Udo Kier plays a serial killer named The Picasso Killer who is chasing his perfect victim on Christmas Eve. If that wasn’t enough David Carradine is thrown in as a security guard and a victim of The Picasso Killer. The script is not great but with the presence of Udo Kier and some awesome gore effects and kept me interested long enough to watch the whole film and give it 2 ½ stars.

swamphead_1

Swamphead (DVD) – It is the mysterious independent screener that was found behind my computer with an email address and no one claiming of giving it to me to review. The film is from Rabid Child Films and is about a man a thousand years ago named Robert Gross (awesome) whose head is separated from his body during a bloody battle and apparently haunts the local Wisconsin woods. Well Gross’s head is pissed off, giving rednecks with a broken arm head in a hot tub, and back to killing local folk. But it’s all up to a paranormal expert, a retard, and three high school kids to stop Swamphead. The independent film is not great by any means but I was entertained by the flying robot and the giant bloodbath. I give the film 2 out of 4 stars.

 

Eastern Condors (DVD) – A film from the mid-80s which is along the lines of an international Rambo and Rambo 2 and a better looking Delta Force film starring and directed by Sammo Hung. Two Asian officers are hired by the U.S. government for a super-secret mission where they recruit 10 prisoners with nothing to lose and everything to gain (U.S. citizenship and $200,000) where they would parachute into Vietnam and destroy a secret stash of weapons that the U.S. left when the military pulled out in 1974-1975. What makes the film even more interesting is right before the captain of the mission is about to jump he is told that the mission has been aborted which places an extra spin on this unbelievable action film. This film completely blows away any “Delta Force” flick. This film beginning to end is overflowing with great eye-popping fight scenes and is another example of why I need to find more international films to watch and review! I give the film 4 stars.

 

Absolute Power (DVD) – Another great Clint Eastwood flick that has him playing a thief who is blamed for the death of a rich woman who was having an affair with the President of the United States and is married to the president’s best friend. Eastwood’s character sees everything and escapes when the secret service is trying to cover it up as a burglary gone wrong. Eastwood on the run has been doing this for a long time and knows he needs to disappear far away until the president holds a press conference showing his ignorance to the event and decides he is gonna return the stolen money and jewelry and bring down the president and the people who covered it up. I give the film 3 ½ stars.

 

The Frozen Ground (DVD) – A film based on a true story stars an old looking John Cusack playing serial killer Robert Hansen who became notorious in 1983 when captured by an Alaskan state trooper for the amount of murders he got away with for over a decade and the exact number may never be known. Nic Cage puts in a good performance as the Alaskan state trooper who helps and uses information given to him by a young hooker who survived an attack by Robert Hansen. Hansen was perceived as the perfect family man with a couple kids, business, etc., but has a history of events that involved abusing women but was never charged and that just fueled his desire to murder whenever the family was out of town. A good film worth tracking down if you enjoy films about true life serial killers as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Alien Space Avenger

Alien Space Avenger (VHS) – My obsession for watching bad films has no bounds as this 1988 low budget flick has a cartoonist struggling to keep his job unless he comes up with a new story arc. But before that four alien terrorists escape to earth in the 1930s looking for plutonium for their ship only to find zero and decide to hide in their ship for fifty years. Unearthed by a construction crew, the aliens make their way into New York looking for plutonium for their ship. Then they are to be followed by the struggling cartoonist who uses the aliens for his story arc only to realize they are actually aliens and they will kill him if they can ever get a hold of him. If there was a compliment I could give this flick it would be: This is a USA Up All Night flick if I ever seen one as I give this bad but fun movie 1 ½ stars.

 

Werewolf: The Devil’s Hound (DVD) – Another horrible werewolf film that just feeds the horror fan’s complaints about a good werewolf flick outside of “American Werewolf in London”, “The Howling”, “Ginger Snaps”, “Dog Soldiers”, and the original “Wolf Man”. Nothing redeeming about this boring flick as a werewolf is accidentally sent to a pyrotechnics company by mistake, breaks loose, and attacks anything nearby. If that wasn’t insulting enough the werewolf costume looks like a throw away costume from SyFy Channel’s exclusive film “Yeti”. First rule of making a werewolf film: Have good costume/effects! Second rule: Have money to make a werewolf film or should I say pull one off? I give this waste of space at the video store 0 stars.

 

The Street Fighter (VHS) – It’s 1974 and Sonny Chiba fucks a lot shit up! Including some dude’s ball sack! Sonny is a bad ass mercenary who is trying to protect a billionaire’s daughter. Along the way Chiba even takes on a whole dojo… That is just bad ass as I give this classic 4 stars.

 

Orloff against The Invisible Man (DVD) – The 1970 film has several names but none of them make the film any easier to watch as some scientist dude named Orloff has an invisible gorilla that rapes a bunch of women. Then he dies at the paws and vicious mouths of some German Shepherds! I give it 2 stars.

 

13 Eerie (DVD) – Katherine Isabelle and five other students are testing out in the field as part of their C.S.I. course. They are led out to an island by their professor and maintenance guy where a state prison and a small community have long been abandoned or they think? An extra body is found during student’s test and then disappears only to begin attacking the corpses that were left out for the student’s tests. Soon the small group of people realizes they are being stalked by possible human experiments from the old prison. Cool effects, lots of blood, Katherine Isabelle in another horror film, not your typical zombies, a little throwback to John Saxon’s “Zombie Deathhouse” which all equals that you need to go watch this direct to video horror flick! I give it 3 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Also you now can purchase the co-directed film project from Daniel Boyd and I called, “Jagoff Massacre” at www.jagoffmassacre.com or pick up a copy at our table at Horror Realm from us March 7-9th, 2014. Go to www.horrorrealmcon.com for more details on the convention.

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also Cannibal Campout, Woodchipper Massacre, and Spookies T-shirts also!!!! Go towww.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews #312

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Gross Movie Reviews #312

 

By Tim Gross

 

Razortooth (DVD) – A small southern town that apparently has a mutant eel problem that has the local sheriff and animal control/exterminator confused on how an eel got so big to begin eating people. Meanwhile authorities are looking for two convicts that have escaped and some young campers maybe in danger. The only things missing: Debra Gibson, Tiffany, King Cobra, Pat Morita, Boa, a SyFy channel premiere, but that did not stop me from enjoying the mutant eel glory this film is as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Escape From Tomorrow (DVD) – A family is on their last day of vacation at Disneyworld. They want to enjoy all the rides, food, etc. And that is about the only normal part of the film as the rest almost made my head implode in trying to figure out what I was actually watching. The film goes over the deep end as the father keeps checking out these underage French girls which made the film so creepy, then at some point he has Epcot Center for a head and a scientist freaking out because he is trying to escape. Fuck… I believe I just gave myself a headache trying to explain this film again. Honestly I can’t give it a rating because I am still unsure of what it was I actually watched.

 

Beastmaster 2: Through the Portal of Time (VHS) – Nine years after the first film Dar aka Marc Singer is back as the Beastmaster the man who speaks to animals and a lot of us grew up seeing the movie hundreds of times on TBS. This time around Dar must do battle with his evil brother Arklon aka Wings Hauser aka Leatherface, described by Kari Wuhrer’s character in the film. But a witch played by Sarah Douglas shows Arklon there is a parallel universe (1991 L.A.) where he can get a thing called the neutron bomb and could rule the universe. Meanwhile with the help of the young lady played by Kari Wuhrer, Dar learns about cars, music, and clothes. The film is a fun flick to revisit if it’s been awhile since you’ve seen it even if it’s just for laughs. I give the film 2 stars.  Pay attention to the film as you also see Robert Z’Dar and Michael Berryman. And there isn’t any story of the tiger dying from being dyed black.

 

Men of War (DVD) – A film that is of sorts a generic pre-cursor to ‘The Expendables” that stars Dolph Lundgren as a former military vet looking for a job. He gets one where he and a team of ex-military types must wipe out some people off an island for a business venture. Once he gets there he has a change of heart and wants to help the island natives in defending their island. A pretty cool direct to video action film that doesn’t have any real slow parts and you get to see Dolph kick some ass in Thailand. I give it 3 stars.

 

Prisoners of the Lost Universe (VHS/YouTube) – A real low budget fantasy film about a scientist (Dr. Hartman) that has come up with a machine that opens a portal to another world. During an earthquake characters Dan and Kerry get sucked into the portal and find themselves where a man played by John Saxon controls all humans by making them slaves if they do not join his army to rule everyone. Richard Hatch plays the lead in this very awful but in a good way fantasy film where Dan and Kerry must defeat John Saxon in order to free everyone and find their portal back to 1983 earthquake ridden California! I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Mandroid (DVD) – An executive produced Charles Band film about two scientists in present day (1993) Eastern Europe who have developed a virtual reality driven droid that is indestructible but also controlled by a person with a virtual reality device from long distances and does tasks such as moving radioactive materials. When the scientists have a falling out after the US government is about to pick up “Mandroid” there is a fight between one scientist Drago and Benjamin Knight the controller of Mandroid in the lab and Benjamin falls into an experiment that changes his life. He eventually begins to turn invisible. Meanwhile Drago is scarred during the struggle and is determine he will have his creation and make it a military weapon. After Drago is believed to be defeated the film is to be continued… in “Invisible: The Chronicles of Benjamin Knight”. I give the movie 2 stars.

 

Invisible: The Chronicles of Benjamin Knight (DVD) – The executive produced sequel from Charles Band was released in the same year as Mandroid where the adventure continues. Benjamin Knight is feeling better but invisible at times and comes back to the lab to find friends Dr. Zonna Zimmer and former government agent in a relationship and trying to find a cure to Mr. Knight’s invisibility. But soon they all discover that Drago is still alive and wants Zimmer’s formula as he is running out of test subjects for a cure for himself. Ben Knight uses his invisibility along with Mandroid to defeat Drago for good this time. Not totally sold on why it had to be split into two films but that was what Charles Band and Full Moon did on several projects in the early 90s. Most likely to boost profits more than anything. It’s a fun throwback to the Universal original on a small budget in Romania and for that I give the movie 2 stars.

 

The Bay (DVD) – A film that is more of a documentary and tells a story through a series of clips, film footage, and cell phone images an event that happened on July 4, 2009 in Maryland where over 700 residents died from a deadly parasite that mutated from steroids that was in chicken shit dumped into the ocean. The parasites look like giant potato bugs or pill bugs that actually feed on the inside of a fish’s tongue and stomach. The story is narrated by a reporter Donna Thompson who witnessed the event first hand. She is now coming forward with the story as many witnesses have disappeared or have been paid off to not to talk. My only problem with the movie was I thought the CDC would have moved in sooner instead the film betrays the CDC as the biggest bad guy throughout the film which I find somewhat hard to believe but I do like conspiracies, so I have to give the 2 ½ stars.

To Die 

To Die is Hard (DVD) – From the brilliant mind of “Midget Zombie Takeover”, independent filmmaker Glenn Berggoetz gives us an independent comedy/action spoof that mostly covers “Die Hard”.  An English professor named Joe has a perfect life where his perfect wife and perfect kid adore him as he goes off to his State College on a Friday morning when most staff and students are off for the day. But during this perfect day some bad dudes aka terrorists break into the State College office because they need a key to a room that holds their treasure which just so happens to be office supplies. But the terrorists have picks the wrong state college to break into as Joe McCann is just a pissed off English professor that will not take this lying down. So Joe goes into awesome ultimate male action star mode to bring down the terrorists where he ends it with ‘heart punching’ the leader Anton to death!  Everything from scenes of Joe telling stories of his softball team, a co-worker trying to figure out tea bagging, Joe’s wife and daughter talking about him being a Greek goddess with a straight face, or the detective eating cheese puffs outside doing nothing made me have tears stream out of my eyes cause I was laughing so hard. Spoofs especially independent ones can be hard to pull off but in this case Glenn and company did a wonderful job with this great flick. And who cannot like characters getting slapped in almost every scene “Airplane-style” for no apparent reason as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars and can be found at www.drivingeyes.com .

The Worst Movie

The Worst Movie Ever! (DVD) – Once again Glenn Berggoetz stars, directs, produces, writes a film about being the worst movie ever. So aliens are about to attack earth with an alien robot that two scientists already know about the attack but do not want to panic anyone by telling the world. Meanwhile, there are two kids playing adult daytime soap opera roles as I had to watch some scenes twice as I kept laughing too hard listening to their dialogue. If that wasn’t enough we also have two adults playing teenager roles complaining about their mom and what to do about the dance Friday night, along with lots of singing, slapping, overacting, pillow stabbing, aluminum foil, boom mic keep falling into scenes, random scenes of Santa Claus, awkward condom talk, and Jesus Christ… All this going on while Botar the CG’d alien robot tries to kill all humans. All the characters eventually cross paths and have to brainstorm together in order to stop Botar. It really does sound like a god awful flick but actually is really entertaining and funny as you wonder how some characters even keep a straight face during filming. I got give Glenn props for not purposely making another “Troll 2” and for that I give the film 3 out of 4 stars as the film can be found at www.drivingeyes.com .

 

Race With The Devil (DVD) – Peter Fonda and Warren Oates go on vacation with their wives only to be ruined when drinking one night and they just happen to witness a possible sacrifice in the woods by a bunch of witches. But them reporting it to the police isn’t the end of it as they try to drive further away from the incident they are tracked down to the end of the film to be punished for what they saw. A very creepy 70s film that has witches, sacrifices, and R.G. Armstrong, that makes you think twice about hitting the open road and visiting some of the small towns in America. I give the flick 3 stars.

 

The Rest is Very Boring (DVD) – Independent filmmaker Jorge Delarosa and The Slow Mutants crew are always doing something different go with a new film project that tells a story of a good friend of theirs named Frank Bochard. Now, I do not know this person and most likely you don’t either but what makes the film interesting is we all know a person or have a friend that is Frank Bochard who is talented, lives on the fringe of life, a person you wanna know, and goes by the beat of their own drum. And this film documents the life of Frank Bochard up until his untimely end. His friends, family, and teachers tell stories and bring you into what Frank was like. Just like Frank Bochard, Jorge Delarosa and The Slow Mutants crew give you another very interesting and very emotionally moving project that keeps expanding what you can do independently these days and they should be proud as I give it 4 out of 4 stars. You can always find out more about it at www.slowmutants.com .

 

Remote Control (VHS) – Its 1987 and Jeff Lieberman is involved you know you are in for a treat as a young Kevin Dillon plays a video store clerk who finds himself attracted to a beautiful young lady who comes into the store with a guy friend who just happens to be looking for the newest hot movie called, “Remote Control”. This video isn’t just an ordinary movie as a couple minutes in the viewer becomes part of the film and is either killed or kills another person. When Dillon and his friend who also works the video store figure this out they try to stop the film from being reproduced on VHS for other video stores and find out it is all being controlled by aliens who want to rule the earth. Apparently Home Video can kill all of mankind! The film is cheesy good late 80s fun that I give 2 ½ stars too.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Also you now can purchase the co-directed film project from Daniel Boyd and I called, “Jagoff Massacre” at www.jagoffmassacre.com or pick up a copy at our table at Horror Realm from us March 7-9th, 2014. Go to www.horrorrealmcon.com for more details on the convention.

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also Cannibal Campout, Woodchipper Massacre, and Spookies T-shirts also!!!! Go towww.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews #311

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Gross Movie Reviews #311

 

By Tim Gross

 

Chronicle (DVD) – A very surprising film about three teenagers who during a party go out to investigate a crater in the woods that turns out to be a cave with something glowing. One kid is filming everything in his life recently because he believes his life sucks and this may help him through. Through this point of view is most of the movie as after the teenagers see the glowing light they appear in a backyard talking about the experience. Soon they begin to get super powers of sorts unsure what’s going on they make a pact to tell no one. But they try to harness their powers as they keep it secret but soon the teenager with the camera and stressful life goes overboard and causes chaos. The film is underrated, entertaining, and worth wasting your 90 minutes to watch it as I give it 3 stars.

 

Season of the Witch (DVD) – Yeah, it is that Nic Cage film that also stars Ron Perlman and Christopher Lee. Cage and Perlman’s characters are soldiers for the church for several years but decide they believe the church is starting unjust wars and leaves only to come upon a village riddled with the plague and find out it’s been cursed by a witch. The two are forced to travel and take the witch that is believed to be the problem to trial only to find out more. The film could have easily cut the budget in half and made a big deal having a premier on SyFy Channel and believe it would have been more accepting by movie fans. I give it 1 ½ stars.

Midget

Midget Zombie Takeover (DVD/YouTube) – Thank god for independent filmmakers because I love the stuff that keeps being churned out that no one knows about and this another one of those great flicks you need to go buy and support. Thanks to director/writer/producer Glen Berggotz we get a zombie film from Fort Wayne, Indiana that proves there is still room in zombie genre for another great film. Amanda and friends are having a fun party weekend when Amanda’s parents go out of town to grandma’s house. Soon while having fun they are warned by the “Crazy Ralph” neighbor that they will all die by the oncoming ‘midget zombie apocalypse’! Once under siege Amanda and friends slowly make their way into the house and not forgetting their hamburgers to barricade themselves in. They tackle such hard issues as who will go out to the car, they need potato chips, get rid of the fat guy, and who will repopulate the earth?  It was cool to see that the actors and director were on the same page of the dramatic overacting of independent zombie movies and keeping it up no matter what is going on in each scene. The one thing that disappointed me and I also thought was awesome at the same time was I believe that they only had one midget zombie used and reused in every scene that involves zombies which made me torn by this as I was hoping for an army of zombie Warwick Davis’s! If you enjoyed such classics “Holy Shit… Zombies” and “Toxic Shock Zombies”, this film is a must have for your independent collection as I give it 3 out of 4 stars. You can find out more and support the film at https://www.facebook.com/MidgetZombieTakeover .

Reel Zombies

Reel Zombies (DVD) – A surprisingly fucking awesome independent zombie flick that was filmed in 2008 that has recently found distribution with Synapse Films. This film from Michael Masters and David J. Francis is just fucking brilliant and wish I heard about this flick earlier than this. The filmmakers play themselves in the film that takes place during a zombie apocalypse! Yep, the zombies have taken over but people are still trying to live their lives around as much as possible including Mr. Masters and Mr. Francis who have decided it is time to make “Zombie Night 3” but using real zombies in their scenes. So they set out on getting together their old buddies that worked behind the scenes on the first two “Zombie Night” films. Everybody not totally sold on the idea do it anyway because it just seems like it could be a great idea or just sold to them it will be great by the two filmmakers. The movie chronicles the mishaps, zombies eating the extras, the hero zombie being stolen from the set because the caretaker doesn’t want him to die, concert scene gone wrong, and the filmmakers trying to make a masterpiece. It’s a smart look into the behind the scenes of independent productions and you can tell these guys like myself have seen a lot of behind the scene stuff, worked on independent flicks, and most likely have watched way too many to count independent films over the years. The film is not only well scripted with the best cameo appearance of Lloyd Kaufmann that he has ever done, but well casted, great effects, and will be one of the best films that hit DVD in 2014! Don’t forget the laugh your ass of deleted scenes and outtakes (40 minutes of them). You can find this brilliant flick at www.synapse-films.com .

 

Inhuman Resources (DVD) – Another recent Fangoria release that tackles a serial killer in the office work place. A man is accused of being a serial killer and sent to an asylum after he is found in an elevator covered in blood and with an ax. But he isn’t your normal serial killer, he is one that is killing off corrupt company CEO’s. But six people who had something to do with the trial find themselves waking up in an office chained to a table and computers and find out the serial killer is still alive. Without trying to give too much up about this horrifically bloody horror flick the man believes he was framed and wants the six to find out who actually did it? A great blood and guts kinda film that reminds me a little of “Severance”. I give the flick 3 ½ stars. Look for the Tom Savini cameo…

 

Pacific Rim (DVD) – Wasn’t impressed by the trailers so I waited to watch the flick and pleasantly surprised by it. “Pacific Rim” is one those check your brain at the door kinda flicks that combines elements from “Godzilla films”, “Robot Jox” from Charles and Albert Band, and maybe even a small element of “Power Rangers”.  The reason I say check your brain at the door because it’s not trying to be smart or reinvent how movies should be done but just giving as much crazy ass robot action and monsters fighting for the fate of the world. Supposedly aliens aka creatures aka Kaiju has come from what’s called the ‘breech’ at the bottom of the ocean floor and attacking coastal cities throughout the world. Soon in the future all the nations come together to try to come up with a plan to destroy these creatures and prevent them from killing anyone else. Soon they build Jaegers aka giant fucking robots aka Charles Band’s Robot Jox clones to protect the world. But after several years after the war against the creatures has started the creatures seem to become smarter and the world’s leaders want to decommission what’s left of the Jagears. But a select few lead by one man believes there is a way to close the breech and it’s a race to find a way to close it before something bigger comes through and destroy all humanity! And Ron Perlman shows up! I give the fun creature vs robot flick 3 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Also you now can purchase the co-directed film project from Daniel Boyd and I called, “Jagoff Massacre” at www.jagoffmassacre.com .

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also Cannibal Campout, Woodchipper Massacre, and Spookies T-shirts also!!!! Go towww.fastcustomshirts.com for details.