Gross Movie Reviews #565

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Gross Movie Reviews #565

Amityville: The Final Chapter (DVD) – Just like ‘Friday the 13th Part 4: The Final Chapter’ this franchise lied to us big time and try to hide it by marketing this film under a different title ‘Sickle’. Over the years the title has been changed back and forth but it is entry #36 so what were you expecting? Anyway kids, this story has a 27 year old known as “The Babysitter Killer” getting released from prison after 15 years. Michael a kid at the time claimed he was visited by a creature in a top hat that made him kill his babysitter when he was 12. Now adult, some ghost hunters cross paths with the newly released man and believe it is a great idea to take Michael back to the house where it all happened? Of course this causes the demonic force known as “Sickle” to reappear and ruin everyone’s day or night… its fucking ghost hunting does it matter at this point? This hot piece of garbage is high on the Amityville list of almost unwatchable as I give this entry 0 stars enjoy kids.

The Monster of Piedras Blancas (DVD) – Say that title five times fast, anyway before I review this: quick question: is the lighthouse location in this 1959 film the same as the one in “John Carpenter’s The Fog”? Back to your regularly scheduled review, two brothers are found dead near the lighthouse after going night fishing the night before. The deaths look suspicious and of course there is a small town legend of a monster that has lived along the rocks of the ocean. The old man who lives next to the lighthouse knows the truth and has fed the monster meat scraps from the town market for some time now. But the monster hungers more as it enjoys ripping human heads off and sucking the blood out of their neck. Can the monster be stopped? Is there more than one in the caves off this coastal town? A fun drive-in flick that I am surprised I never got the chance to see on Chilly Billy or something when growing up as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Alligator (Blu-ray) – You all have seen or heard of this movie by now where a baby alligator is thrown the toilet and years later its living in the sewers feeding on dead animals and such. Now it’s up to Robert Forster to get people to believe him a giant alligator is gonna eat everybody in the city. The 1980 film is cheesy fun but now finally has gotten the special Blu-ray treatment it has deserved for a long time. We get a new 4K scan of the original negative for not only the theatrical but the TV version of the movie and it looks just amazing as when the alligator coming up through the sidewalk looks hilariously cheesy. I mean honestly for years most of the film was grainy and hid the glorious scene well. We get tons of interviews, commentaries, lots of fun stuff in this 3-disc version you never knew you needed until it existed as I give it 4 stars.

Alligator II: The Mutation (Blu-ray) – Almost a decade later we get a fun cheeseball sequel with no Robert Forster but an all-star cast that makes this sequel much more interesting than it ever should have been? This time around a baby alligator is fed a steady diet of hormones and other chemicals from the Future Chemicals Corporation and we get another giant alligator that is going to attack a city festival where Steve Railsback plays an asshole trying to buy up everyone’s property. Richard Lynch and Kane Hodder steal the show as “gator hunters”. This sequel is dislike by some horror fans, for me it has always a weird fun appeal to me and makes all the right sense in the world to pick this new version up as it also has some fun interviews that make the film worth the watch all over again as I give it 3 ½ stars. Which by the way did you know this film was made for TV not the theater or direct-to-video, weird stuff?

Aquaslash (DVD) – A Canadian horror/comedy where some high school graduates are partying at a waterpark for the weekend. Of course most of the movie has a lot of graduates making out and getting told a story of a killer who murdered a bunch of people at the park in the 80s. The movie for its short running time takes a while to set up things but there is a huge gory payoff as a mysterious killer rigs up something in one of the water slides! The horror movie isn’t horrible but feels like there isn’t much rewatchablity to it as I give this horror feature 2 stars.

The Mask (Blu-ray) – A wild 1961 film has Dr. Allan Barnes trying to help a patient named Michael from going completely insane. Up until recently Michael was well respected and working at the local museum but has become consumed with a tribal/ritual mask of sorts that has Michael believing he is now cursed. After Michael’s last appointment he rushes out of the office to go home to commit suicide but before he does he mails the mask to the good doctor challenging him to see the nightmares. Dr. Barnes curious about the mask puts it for research in what driven a person to the brink and becomes consumed with the death and weird ritual things that happen when putting the mask on. Barnes quickly becomes obsessed with the mask and even convinces his mentor to help him with the experiment of learning what makes this mask unique? A fun bizarre version of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde that can be seen in 2-D and 3-D with “Electro-magic sound” in this new restored version. The package also includes a short documentary and other short films that make this a must have for old school film fans as I give it 3 stars.

Killer Party (Blu-ray) – Now that we have fought through the Warner Brother DVD-R Archive crap that went on with this 80s slasher film we meaning a small but crazy fan base get a special edition version of ‘Killer Party’. A horror film from 1986 that is considered second tier slasher to some horror fans but one of my favorites growing up is all about three girls just trying to pledge to a sorority that is interrupted by a demonic presence. This pure 80s horror flick has a lot of fun new interviews that makes us physical media nerds jump for joy to have as I give it 3 stars.

Special Effects (VHS) – After Andrea and her husband Keefe have a fight about going back to Oklahoma, Andrea runs out on her man. Backstory, Andrea left him after having her baby and decided to chase a career in acting, modeling, etc., in New York City. While on the run and picking up a newspaper she finds herself on the doorstep of a famous filmmaker named Neville. Neville has just bombed out of Hollywood and lets in Andrea on whim. One thing leads to another and Neville is murdering her on his bed while filming it. Chris Neville cleans it all up and dumps the body so the husband is blamed. The husband breaks out police custody to visit Neville and this inspires the filmmaker to make a low budget film about realtime murder he committed! Neville gets so involved with the project he bails out the husband, makes the one police officer a technical adviser, and believes this is his way back to Hollywood as everything has to look a certain way as Neville relives the fantasy murder. For me this was a very bizarre Larry Cohen film to watch but glad as hell I did as I give it 3 stars.

Thriller: A Cruel Picture (Blu-ray) – The 1973 film is also widely known as “They Call Her One Eye” and has been inspiration for many filmmakers the past few decades but can’t be duplicated. A woman (Christina Lindberg) who is raped as a young girl is now grown but mute and goes into town quite often for doctor’s appointments. Innocent and naïve she gets in a car when she misses a bus into town and wakes up beaten up, hooked on heroin, and told she will now be a hooker! Not happy with this she takes it out on her first customer and in return she loses an eye and weirdly enough apparently it costs more money to bang a one eyed hooker. Soon she saves her money learns how to race a car, shoot guns, and fight. And that is when this movie just gets downright brutal as hell as she begins gut shooting customers left and right in slow motion with a double barrel shotgun. The movie is absolutely amazing, fucked up, brutal, and not for all movie lovers at the same time. I can see why this film has such rabid fan base especially when your female lead doesn’t say a damn word through the whole film! Thanks to Synapse Films this brutal film or package is going to make physical media fans drool like crazy as they have included an uncut and uncensored HD version with several subtitle and soundtrack options, rare photos and outtakes, alternate fight scene, and rare photos of a fight scene that was ruined by a film lab. If you only have seen the ‘They Call Her One Eye’ version you better be prepared for some of the graphic material in this restored film as his will not be for all audiences. Hell the movie was never made for all audiences but I am sure this package will make a lot of “Best of” lists at the end of the year as I give this 4 out of 4 stars. www.synapse-films.com

The Dungeonmaster (DVD) – Its 1984 and Paul is the IT guy who knows how to fix all computer problems as he is hooked up to his computer “CAL”. One night after a fight with his girlfriend Gwen, Paul and Gwen get sucked into purgatory or hell for Paul to conquer seven challenges in fantasy land in order for the couple to live and go back home. David Allen, John Carl Buechler, Charles Band, and Richard Moll as Satan, evil wizard, whatever you wanna call him… I will always be in to watch this crazy mess! Another fun Empire Pictures project that is just fun to pop in every five years or so and makes a little sense if double feature it with ‘Metalstorm’ that I give 3 stars.

They See You (Blu-ray) – Our story begins with three teenage boys heading into town to check out a unique/oddities shop. There is a spirit board with what looks like Halloween symbols on it that catches their attention but they are told that it isn’t for sale. Mainly the spirit board is not for sale because it’s cursed but this only intrigue the boys as with help from a couple girls they know from school they steal it along with an old book. They all head out the woods to have some fun with it, they all touch the spirit board, say some words from the old book, and it activates. Unleashing a gang of demons, undead creatures on Halloween that just don’t want to consume them but take control of the spirit board and book to stay in this world. Think of a slick independent gory film with a ‘Witchboard’ and ‘Beyond the Gates’ vibe to it. The movie has its flaws but overall Tory Jones and Jonestown Films put together a solid horror film well worth a watch as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Robo C.H.I.C. (VHS) – First let’s get the alternate titles out of the way: aka Cyber-C.H.I.C. aka Robochic aka Thunder Tronic starring Burt Ward! Anyhow, a wacky doctor puts together a crime fighting fembot (remember kids its 1990). Along the way when the fembot isn’t training we have a mad bomber who is trying to keep the city hostage as he plants bombs everywhere. It is up to the futuristic fembot to find the people who kidnap the mad bomber and stop the bombs from going off in this supposedly intentionally funny film but fails. This movie is a part of a sub-genre that seem to show on “Up All Night” with Rhonda Shear between 1987-1992 or what you could call: The Killer Tomato sequel years? Anyhow give this terrible garbage 0 stars.

Kill-Cam (Blu-ray) – Chris Woods and The Sleaze Box crew reach deep into the sleaze void to pull out a story of Samantha Styles. Ms. Styles (Katie Mckinley) is obsessed with a model Pamela Keaton that makes her drool and want to meet her but Samantha also just happens to be a sex-crazed serial killer with a super shitty past! This slow burn into the dark void of Samantha has her getting advice from a doll, stalking her ex hookup, enjoying her murderous desires until see can come up with a way to meet her obsession. Folks you are in for a rough one here as this is not for the faint of heart but I believe this will find an audience craving more with Katie McKinley’s performance as a sick and horny serial killer. As I say with projects like this: “this isn’t my cup of tea” but I can easily see this project being talked about among independent film fans for the next several years because of its content as I give the film 2 ½ stars just for Katie Mckinley performance standing out in this feature.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

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Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Four… Way… Dance!

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This week we check in on two dudes from the old times.  First we have Vincent Price in HOUSE OF WAX in 3D.  Then we cover FRANKIE AVALON in The HAUNTED HOUSE OF HORRORS. Also we answer all your questions over Facebook live and recount the weeks watching habits. ENJOY FUCKERS!

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This wee Tim and Kyle return to talk about a Fred Olen Ray joint in THE EVIL SPAWN.  And we got a well-loved flick from the best year for movie ever 1987 in THE HIDDEN.  Also we have the usual nonsense of question answering and recounting of the weeks film watching activities.  I assure you it’s great.

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On this episode we travel to 1987 (because it was the best year for movies of all time) to talk about 2 absolute staples of the genre.  First we got HELLO MARY LOU:  PROM NIGHT 2.  Then we check in on David Bowie’s zombie and his possessed television set in THE VIDEO DEAD.  Also, we have witty banter with our questions from our fans and talk about all the movies we watched in the weeks past.

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This week we have our annual GAME OF THRONES: SEASON & RECAP show.  With the usual guest T-SHIRT JOE.  And also MOE PORNE from the NO BUDGET NIGHTMARES podcast.  We have our thoughts on the fate of the iron throne,  who dies… who should have dies… and how we think all this mess is gonna end up.  So enjoy the show because “The night is long and full of terrors”.

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Gross Movie Reviews #413

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Gross Movie Reviews #413

 

House of Wax (DVD) – This 1953 film is not only a Vincent Price staple among Price fans but was one of the first 3-D films released to the theaters. Remember the world was changing at the time and theaters were looking for gimmicks to amaze audiences and keep them buying tickets. Vincent Price is an artist in the film who runs a wax museum where he does historical people and the creations are absolutely loved. Price’s business partner tries to explain they can make money from the insurance if the place is accidentally destroyed? Price the artist refuses as he talks to his creations as they are real people. Business partner burns the place down and believes he has killed Price’s character. But several months later a new wax place opens but with a lot more violent tone to it and Vincent Price returns. But Price is disfigured and believes in using real people for his wax casts now! Fun Vincent Price movie in many ways and hilarious 3-D stuff to pick up on as I give the flick 3 stars.

 

The Haunted House of Horror – A slightly weird late 60s British film that also was titled “Horror House” stars Frankie Avalon. Frankie and some young party goers are bored at a party and opted to go for a drive to a little known haunted house. They actually use the term ‘ghost hunting’ while stumbling around the mansion before they decide to do a séance. One of the young party goers Gary is murdered but who done it? The story gets a little weirder when Gary’s friends agree to not call the police and hide Gary’s body thinking one of them are the psychopath. By the way Frankie Avalon eventually gets stabbed in the dick! The story is a bit choppy but for good reason as watching the film I learned the original director was fired and the film was supposed to be more psychedelic. Some footage made it and a bunch got reshot by another director (Cursed anyone?). If that wasn’t enough David Bowie was casted for the film but the studio thought him and Avalon would clash? On top of the things I even mentioned the killer runs off and credits roll before police get to the mansion. Track this film down movie buffs you will enjoy the stories about the behind the scenes stuff as I give the movie 2 stars.

 

Sharknado 5: Global Swarming (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Fin Sheppard now a world hero is contacted by Nova who has found an ancient stone, the shark stone. Supposedly the ancients predicted the sharknadoes and predicted that world would be destroyed by them. The stone has power and the power actually allows you to control a sharknado. But not knowing this Finn and Nova accidentally causes the destruction of London when they bring the stone there. And the sharknado has kidnapped Fin’s son and Finn travels the world chasing the sharknado with the stone hoping to get his son back. Spoiler alert: There will be a sixth one! Possibly the only reason to still watch these films is what happens in the last two minutes of the film as Finn is thrown into the future world that has been destroyed by the sharknadoes. But Finn finds his son and it is Dolph Lundgren! Yep, I am in for sixth installment just for this reason as I give this sad boring sequel 1 star.

 

Galaxy of Horrors (DVD) – So Rue Morgue presents an anthology with several short films all sci-fi based. All the entries are really solid and we even get a weird “Videodrome-style” segment. My favorite might be the cannibals in space but the first two segments might hit home for young folks as it predicts where society is going and what it might look like? All the segments are played like music selections as a man is trapped inside a chamber that won’t release him. Again another anthology worth checking out for movie buffs as I give it 3 stars.

 

I.F.O.: Identified Flying Object (VHS/YouTube) – A low budget flick from 1987 that is also known under the title “Defense Play” which is the same title for a similar flick a year after this release with for more known actors in it. A misunderstood, computer savvy teenager living in Northern California who steals a mini-helicopter that has artificial intelligence, named REM and just wants to be free to fly at will. Corny movie that is a real low budget version of half of the popular 80s films at the time was most likely a movie that had its time on one the major cable channels when it was released and then disappeared. I give the movie 1 ½ stars.

 

The Evil Spawn (DVD) – John Carradine shows up for a minute as a scientist who is working with microbes from Venus in his experiments. He dies and his assistant begins her own experiments… on humans. She convinces a once popular actress she can have her youthful appearance back if she takes the serum. The actress desperate for a movie role as younger actresses keep getting roles she was once up for takes the serum. It works and makes more beautiful than ever but she begins to feel the side effects which her growing large teeth and mutilating people as her body is changing from the experimental serum. In no time she soon becomes a rubber monster creature that must eat. The film is a Fred Olen Ray produced flick which means no shortage of boobage. And the film is directed by Kenneth J. Hall who is known for doing several behind the scenes roles in early Full Moon projects. As usual it’s a late night monster romp from Fred Olen Ray that reminds me why this man should never be forgotten as I give the movie 2 ½ stars.

Clowntergiest (DVD/Vimeo) – Our story begins with a couple college girls who are staying over the summer in the small college town instead of heading home. Not a whole lot happens once college is out but that change one night when a man hunt is announced to a popular ice cream shop of police looking for a serial killer. No leads after a couple days and the one girl Emma begin seeing a clown and a balloon with a date on it in her dreams. But Emma keeps seeing it as the date is coming closer and does not believe it is a dream any longer, its reality. As the bodies keep piling up around Emma the paranormal clown keeps stalking Emma and her friend. The only way for Emma to not die on the date on the balloon is to conquer her fear of clowns. If anything the film isn’t as bad as it sounds as much as proving clowns are the new zombies of the low budget genre. The problem is unlike zombies the conversation about clown horror flicks ends after “Killer Klowns from Outer Space, House of 1000 Corpses, and Clown”. There isn’t a lot you can do with the clown genre unlike the zombie genre as I give this flick 1 ½ out of 4 stars and can be found at www.facebook.com/octobercoast .

 

The Hidden (VHS) – Kyle Machlan is a F.B.I. agent aka alien tracking an alien parasite that has killed his family and partner. And Lloyd the F.B.I. agent man has tracked this alien parasite from Seattle to L.A. Problem is the parasite is a jumper as it jumps from one human to another when it is all used up. The alien parasite likes metal music, fast cars, fast women, and power or being noticed. With the help of Detective Beck Lloyd is able to track down the thing until it jumps into a famous senator’s body. A cool concept for a sci-fi flick but does have its dull parts. But pay attention as there is an appearance from a younger Danny Trejo! I give the film 2 stars.

 

Pandemic (DVD) – A recent zombie film filmed “Doom or Hardcore Henry” style gives this the film a different feel. Most of the world has fallen to zombie apocalypse as a L.A. military outpost is trying to find the cure and survivors. A rescue team is sent into a hot zone to rescue survivors and get the supply drop but face off much opposition and it isn’t always zombies. Also I like they explain the stages of infection to not go full blown zombie movie but like a prequel about too? It entertained me so I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Spill (DVD) – So-called action star Brian Bosworth plays a top secret service agent for the president in this mid-90s flick. Special agent Ken Fairchild plays up his real life college football angle and best friends with the president until… During a recent event set-up sweep Ken comes across some sick people in the woods. These people are sick and the fish are dying because some dude hijacked a big rig full of chemical waste that the government was trying to cover up to begin with. He crashes the rig and waste spills into the stream. When Ken believes he stops the forces behind the cover-up he is wrong and must do the right thing by going against the president. A fun one take and B-movie action flick that was in my book as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

D4 (DVD) – A special ops team is hired to track down a kidnapper who is holding up at a closed down military facility with someone’s kid. Lots of money being paid out, so no questions asked. But when the special ops unit runs into a bootleg version of Dave Batista that can take a gunshot point blank range out in the woods they believe they are over their heads. They know for sure when they follow it to the closed down facility D4 that happens to be its home. And also houses another hybrid creature that a scientist has experimented on for the perfect soldier. Great poster, great concept, shitty execution of a film as I give it 1 star.

 

Stage Fright (DVD) – A recent horror flick that I left sit around for a while because I thought it was a remake. Nope folks it’s “High School Musical” with a gory horror flick going on in the background. Meat Loaf is running a small back woods summer camp for artists, musicians, singers for the past ten years because his star was murdered right before her big break in Loaf’s production. A decade has passed and the Loaf gives the okay to a talented, pig headed director kid to do the production. Unbeknownst to the Loaf the daughter/kitchen cook decides to audition for the lead role and nails it. But a masked killer has had enough of the Loaf and the weird kids and begins a bloody massacre posing as the villain from the production. Not a remake, entertaining to me and a nice amount of gore makes me give this small surprise 3 stars.

Demon Hunter (DVD/Vimeo) – A film from Ireland about a young woman who claims to be a demon hunter searching for the demon who defiled her younger sister. Taryn the demon hunter is captured by police one night after decapitating a demon. Brought into custody she interrogated by a detective who has a connection to Taryn from several years ago. He was the detective who promised to find the person or thing that got her sister. Never happened… so Taryn has taken things into her own hands as she searches for the one named Falstaff. Falstaff fears Taryn a bit as a small group of individuals who protect Taryn believe she is the only one that could defeat the horrible demon. I love the Irish and want to visit Ireland someday but please take away this dull ass movie as Dolph Lundgren’s “Don’t Kill It” broke the mold for recent demon movies earlier this year. For that I only give this snoozer 1 out of 4 stars and can be found at www.facebook.com/octobercoast .

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html

Its been awhile so we are posting episodes again…

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This week Kyle travels to the theater to see a Ben Afleck directed bomb… or is it in LIVE BY NIGHT.  And we have the return of one of our favorite B movie action dude Tony Anthony in the 3D western COMIN’ AT YA.  We also have a glorious bat attack, Football talk that alienates everyone, conspiracy theories, movies that no one ever asked for, what we have been watching, listener questions, and other bullshit.

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