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Gross Movie Reviews #646
0Longlegs (On Demand) – Another horror film starring Nic Cage but under a lot of makeup, set in the 90s, and… he is a serial killer known as ‘Longlegs’ or a cultist? Right out of the gate this film gets real creepy in the first couple minutes giving ‘Silence of the Lambs’ vibes that first time I watched Anthony Hopkins as Hannibal Lector in the early 90s! From there we are introduced to a young FBI Special Agent Harker who you wouldn’t exactly call psychic but gets a feeling as she is brought in on this long standing “Longlegs” case where on the 14th a family is murdered. First thought to be just murders by the father figure but things just never set right with the FBI especially with Longlegs sending them incoherent coded messages. The daughter in the family is always the target of Longlegs; her birthday is on the 14th every time as Harker is able to read the coded messages. Harker gets thrown into this unsolvable case mess as FBI finds out their special agent Harker was visited by Longlegs as a child and survived for an unknown reason. No matter what it comes too it is about “Hail Satan”! Trying not to give too much away about this super weird but entertaining as hell film. The further I got away from watching this feature the more I like it and want to go back for a rewatch sooner than later. You gotta enjoy when a film just gives you unsettling creepy vibes from beginning to end as I give it 3 ½ stars.
Bloody Birthday (Blu-ray) – So finally upgraded to the 88 Films Blu-ray version of this 1980 brutal killer kid classic where all three kids were born at the same time. Now together the three begin killing people for their tenth birthday! There is no way a film like this would be made today but still fun to watch. The Blu-ray which looks just outstanding all cleaned up has some cool goodies to go with this horror classic: UK exclusive commentary, interview with actress Lori Lethin and director Ed Hunt, and a brief history of slasher films segment. So go check out possibly the best killer film put out there as I give this wonderful package 4 stars.
Deer Camp ’86 (Blu-ray) – Six guys from Detroit head into country land of Michigan for deer hunting season. The six get occupied at Murphy’s bar where a lot of hunters and locals drink up before the start of hunting season. An incident happens behind the bar with a local woman that causes the sheriff to go out and check on hunters to prevent “another bear attack” at Lake Manitou. Very quickly the supernatural becomes involved as this group of hunters begins their hunting season as strange things begin to happen to them. Thinking nothing of it until their first kill is stolen and they see something in the woods that is when the group decides: do they flee or stand their ground to fight whatever this thing is? I enjoy the setup of the sheriff saying “the sins of the land will get you”. The deer tick in the ballsack scene was hilarious. But overall this tale of the supernatural seeking revenge in 1986 is a solid bad ass horror flick as I give it 3 stars.
Spider Baby (Blu-ray/remake) – This is going to be an unpopular opinion but I thought the film was pretty good. Dustin Ferguson writes and directs the “maddest story ever told” or now retold. Just like the original a couple of distant relatives come sniffing around the Merrye estate to see what they can lay claim too. Meanwhile the caretaker Bruno has been the one to take care of the mentally unstable adult children who refuse to go quietly let’s say. It isn’t a frame by frame remake like ‘Psycho’ but Dustin does his best to bring out of the cast what the originals were able to do back in the late 60s. I believe Ferguson puts just enough of his own touch in this for fans of the original to enjoy. Also kudos to the cast as they had a hard act to follow as I thought all involved should be applauded no matter how you feel about this picture. Now the only bad thing I can say about this film besides I was never a huge fan of the original is I hope Dustin understood a film like this just doesn’t fit into today’s standards but I believe that was said about the original that gained a loyal cult following as the years went on as I give this feature 3 stars.
Worst Laid Plans (Blu-ray) – A three tale anthology based on a Grindhouse Press book that has three known Indy filmmakers taking on vacation horror. The first tale deals with an underground creature in a cave which I absolutely love the whole setup. The second tale is a little more serious with road tripping friends concerned with a young girl on a RV that they follow and find something they weren’t expecting. The third tale is all about paranoia as a father recording his family vacation feels they are being followed. All three are solid but felt the third lasted a little longer than it should have but understood what they were trying to establish just felt if it would have been a little shorter it would have fit better into the theme as I give the film 3 stars.
Cocaine Werewolf (On Demand) – This werewolf flick from Mark Polonia and Sterling Entertainment jumps into it quickly, as a hairy hungry beast attacks an Only Fans model and her manager in a bloody manner. Meanwhile, Jack catches an Uber because he needs to be in New York immediately but his Uber driver got the poops! Pulling over at an odd warehouse Jack decides to go looking in on the driver only to find cocaine on the floor then attacked by a werewolf. Now turning into this bloodthirsty creature Jack still has the urge to do cocaine which goes into why he doesn’t change into a werewolf when the moon is full? As Jack cannot find his way out of this backwoods town he runs into a small movie production that doesn’t help his situation. This Indy flick is quite entertaining, piles up the bodies quickly, and doesn’t try reinventing the werewolf film but quite enjoyed Jack’s addiction is what cause his changes more often. Plus Tim Hatch as the killer clown of the Indy film production inside the movie steals a few scenes that with his hilarious unintentional behavior! This production might have been a little late to the ‘Cocaine Bear’ thing, but between Tim Hatch having a couple fall to the floor laughable scenes and Polonia keeping it simple makes this film a satisfying entertaining treat for werewolf film fans as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.
Head Case (DVD) – Detective Stam is thrown what is called a ‘no-brainer’ case which means its open and shut for this “not the brightest bulb of the bunch” cop so he can get credit for closing it. The case deals with a young beautiful woman named Vivian Lonbradge who is attacked by a crazed man and bitten in the leg. When authorities arrive the man is found dead in her yard and through questioning found out there is no rape, just an odd bite on the leg. As the detective believes it is all but over with and just wasting time as Vivian begins to act strangely and all the vodka and water she drinks is not helping her. After another body is found by some kids Detective Stam decides it is time to really put this case to bed but it only gets even more odd from there as Ms. Lonbradge is slowly declining and attacking people! After some tests come back the detective is told it is some kind of bacterial infection of the brain that causes severe brain damage as he now becomes worrisome of Vivian and needs to check in on her. This quite odd Indy production is purely awesome and just quite exciting because it is hard to pin down what exactly it is: zombie film, horror film, or thriller? But also I am trying to decide what has the bigger impact on this feature being such an interesting oddity: is it Aleen Isley’s over the top fun performance or all the supporting cast from the cops to those who Vivian worked with? I gotta give this overall great product 3 ½ out of 4 stars.
Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!
Gross Movie Reviews #645
0Alien: Romulus (Theater) – So this installment takes place about twenty years after the original Nostromo blowing up and a space research mission picks up the remains of the explosion. Now floating unmanned in space and about to crash into the rings of a terraformed planet with no sunlight some young folks get an idea of escaping the life term of dangerous work of going to salvage the cryotubes from the dead space station. They fly up and connect with the dead craft to explore and be in and out but it all goes wrong when they have to go hit the research lab? This is where the story literally tries to incorporate every ‘Alien’ film ever made in one way or another… Now saying that what is funny this might be the first entry you may not need to watch the others to understand what is going on? The film gives us a bit of everything including the dreaded Ripley Scott’s vision of Prometheus which is for a different conversation but doesn’t belong to this? Bottom line fans of this franchise there should be an entry every 16 to 18 months like the ‘Puppet Master’ series. Problem is Ridley Scott needs to let go or do we all forget he claimed “to be done with the series in the 80s” until 20th Century Fox came calling with their check book and wanting a sequel to ‘Blade Runner’? Or do all yinz horror fans forget that shit? Another conversation for another time (GIMME NEIL Bolmkamp’s vision of the real “Alien 3”), sorry this movie opens that door for me to bitch! Anyhow don’t pay too much attention to the Prometheus shit as this movie was good but not great but worthy of rewatching several times because they got it right! I give it 3 stars now please give me a series of films with the Colonial Marines and yes my photo is on a recent Aliens comic… Go check I am not lying!
Zombies Invade Pittsburg (Vimeo) – This movie is so rare it took someone (Ninja Master Dan Komarek) digging around archive.org and someone who posted this once watched Public TV movie posted on Vimeo to make me aware and for me explain to both parties this is most likely a Florida film? Long story kids… From Jess Turner productions and released in 1996 but actually made in 1988 after much research by me it is not a Pittsburgh, Pa., zombie flick. First, yinz forget the “H” n’at at the end of Pittsburgh, Pa., which is a dead giveaway along with the palm trees but let’s move on. A barrel of unknown goo is leaking into the waterways and the police are baffled of how it got there or what it could be? After a few phone calls and long scenes of the sheriff talking to people making himself look important he finds out it’s entirely the government’s fault that cleans it up quickly. But for the love of Rutger Hauer it is too late as the goo has leeched into the waterways and cemeteries and the dead are rising. The film has some blood but most of the film is shot too dark for a lot of the zombie scenes, along with no real ending after 88 minutes but still fun for weird nostalgia reasons as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.
Rejected (YouTube) – This short film from Rene Riva Productions is an interesting one as they made an anthology into 15 minutes with a ‘VHS’ vibe. It is late November 1997 at the Sonu Studios and a couple of TV hosts are showing the rejected ads for the new Sonu digital camera that takes floppy disk. The characters in these ads that use the new advanced camera face certain death! Plain and simple this is 15 minutes of horror awesomeness done right as I give this short film project 4 out of 4 stars.
Killer Campout II (DVD) – Brad Twigg and folks head back to the woods a few years later for this sequel to give Indy horror fans a supernatural slasher. It is 1990 and Camp Phoenix has reopened for an open minded camp counselor guru who wants troubled teenagers to find themselves while camping at Camp Phoenix. But three dysfunctional misfits decide it’s a good idea to dig up the corpse of a serial killer, Blackwell, to perform a satanic ritual and of course that won’t go bad? Once raised from the grave the evil force known as Blackwell wastes no time to slaughter all in his woods! A very solid Indy cast that seems to fit their roles and are not just throw-ins, a good amount of gore, and some awkward sex scenes to satisfy the slasher formula for viewers. But if I was to point out something I would love to see this edited down to about 78 minutes instead of its 93 minute running time as a few scenes linger a little too long at times but still gotta give this sequel 2 ½ out of 4 stars.
Babezilla vs. The Cyber Skanks: Rise of the Mecha Babezilla (DVD) – Please check your brain at the door before watching as Hojbob Productions wants to make sure you are in for a roller coaster ride of sleaze! The latest from filmmaker Andrew J. Chambers where you know exactly what you are in for immediately as the movie opens with a hilarious disclaimer. The main plot of this sleaze is creepy corporate types wanna turn beautiful young ladies into robotic skanks to fight their nemesis “Babezilla”. They are tired of her kicking their ass with her laser shooting titties! So when Babezilla isn’t fighting zombies or doing terrible porn she likes to do meet and greets to meet her fans. There is where the Cyber Skanks try to tackle the superhero for good but fail only to have Babezilla track them down to their evil lair. If you like sleaze, great casting of Indy stars (Jessa Flux, Kelsey Livengood, Clint Beaver, and Ginger Lynn), bad taste, and a kung fu master (?) known as Master Beta? Then yinz are in for a gringe worthy treat in another adventure of Babezilla as I give this hilarious project 2 ½ out of 4 stars.
Die, Daisy, Die! (DVD) – Mark Mackner returns to a long running character of his creation named Daisy Derkins (four features and a short film). After the much loved superhero Daisy defeats a lizard person she wants to settle down a bit and open a comic book shop. But hey let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves as Daisy understands there is no guarantee running a business and takes up a second job with the new shady dating app everyone is using in town called “DateGo”. The app is all the rage but it is all to help financials of the humanoid lizards and their attempts to stop the great Daisy Derkins and her amazing superhero antics. The humanoid lizards come up with a convoluted plan to go back in time with another villain “The Dawn Avenger” to not kill Daisy but to rewrite history for they won’t have to lose to her again in their fight to take over the world. Meanwhile Daisy is just worried what it is like to be interviewed on Public Access TV for her grand opening of her new comic book shop. This is like some weird alternate universe Troma film from the late 90s but hey look at that Lloyd Kaufman shows up to play himself and throw off the weird timeline of a serial killer returning to the present with the lizard creatures and Daisy as she must stop them all. Did you understand all that because I am still trying too as I give this project 2 ½ out of 4 stars.
Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!
Gross Movie Reviews #644
0Quadrant (Full Moon) – Charles Band is back in the director’s chair again with a movie that deals with AI and if yinz seen ‘Aimee: The Visitor’ then fans will quite enjoy this computerized treat. The film revolves around two professors who have come up with a revolutionary process called “Quadrant”. A process that no one has funded yet but they believe using their experimental helmet and computers hooked to a person’s brain and connected to an AI world that allows said person to get past their mental issues or get past the fears that haunt them. They mean well with their Quadrant universe firmly believing this will help patients embrace and defeat their fears but it needs volunteers? In comes Erin, a beautiful young woman who is extremely obsessed with Jack the Ripper! She hears of the experiment and wants to be a part of it. Erin is different from the other patients as she does not fear being a part of the universe as she wants to live it, feel it, and live in it. With each treatment Erin embraces Quadrant that much more blurring the lines of reality and the Jack the Ripper AI world she wants to be in. It quickly becomes too late when you cannot decide who is more demented: Erin wanting to murder to feel like the famous serial killer she obsesses over or the professors knowing what Erin is capable of as they have experienced this side effect before? Quadrant is absolutely another entertaining project under the direction of Charles Band. Band has embraced filming in and around Cleveland, Ohio with a small casts, interesting concepts, and the cool vibe of Full Moon finding their second or third wind in bringing fans fun Full Moon projects they want to see as I give this 3 out of 4 stars.
Cemetery Man (Blu-ray) – For most horror movie fans this 1994 Italian classic from Michele Soavi is known as Dellamorte Dellamore but for American fans the name was changed to Cemetery Man when it landed in the U.S. Well Severin Films you went and did it!!! They put together one hell of Blu-ray package of the classic as for some horror fans they declare it to be the last great Italian horror film? It has been a good many of years since I last watched it as I still had my grainy bootleg unrated version. By some chance you were living under a rock and have never heard of this perfectly hilarious zombie film let’s dig into it. Dellamorte and his assistant are employed at the cemetery to take care of “the returners”. Dellamorte believes it could be end of the world but the select few in the village know this is an important job that could only be done by Dellamorte. Simply he is in charge of putting the dead back in their graves after rising from the dead. Blow to the head every time! Things get real interesting when Dellamorte meets an absolutely beautiful woman only known as “She” after burying her older husband and falling in love as she dies suddenly also. Dellamorte begins killing more of the living than the dead without repercussions and keeps running into different versions of his former love. This zombie film is super bizarre and beautiful at the same time as it balances between love story and hardcore zombie film that feels like a weird fever dream at times. The music, the colors, the music were all made for this to get the special treatment for horror fans to enjoy. But also it is loaded with extras: commentary with Michele Soavi and Gianni Romoli, interviews with Rupert Everett, Michele Soavi, and Anna Falchi along with a cool archival makin of segment. This is Severin Films crown jewel of their catalog is a must own for horror fans as I give it 4 stars.
Once Upon a Time in Amityville (On Demand) – Welcome kids to entry #62 of the Amityville series as Mark Polonia this time around sets it in 1846 when all the horror began and Amityville just became a town. Mr. Polonia calls on the usual suspects to come in and help (Jeff Kirkendall and Tim Hatch who are two of the many Polonia suspects) as two bounty hunters come upon a new town of Amityville looking for a wanted man they believe tried to hide in town? Immediately the bounty hunters are a little unsettled as the town seems a little strange but unsure why. Once they learn the criminal they had been tracking was strung up for a crime (or evil sacrifice) in town they must deal with a town that believes in evil. Compared to a lot of the entries this was actually kind of refreshing but will say the old west was never this clean but gotta give Polonia and crew credit for finding a great location to use for the film. Surprisingly entry #62 is a solid watch and believe Indy horror fans more than mainstream horror fans will quite enjoy the fresh take as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.
I Puke on Your Grave (VHS) – An hour long movie that has random scenes of murder from horror films that you may or may not have seen? Not totally sure what this project was going for as there was no horror host or ‘Faces of Death’ aspect to it as I can only give it a ½ star.
Lowlifes (Tubi) – A simple story of an average family on their annual corny road trip in the old RV who runs into two backwoods types. Before you say “I have seen this before” they try to make it very uncomfortable like this average family is gonna get raped or murdered or both in the first 15 minutes? But hold on a second there is car trouble and we the viewer quickly learn the tables are turned in this project as the average family from L.A. are vicious cannibal bastards! I quite enjoyed this take on a genre or cliché that has maybe seen its better days so thank you for this as I gotta give this project 3 stars.
Cookies for Christmas (DVD) – This short film is a wonderful take on mixing horror and the Hallmark movie formula as Lacey a young woman returns from the big city to little town Christmas time. Unbeknownst to Lacey and the small fictional holiday town are about to get a horrific visit from Santa Claus! Filmmaker Adam Raynes who is behind the project may have something here in this Hallmark inspired horror as he understood all the ugly cute holiday plot points. Kudos hitting on all these main plot points of a Hallmark holiday film as I believe you may wanna take a second crack at expanding this short film into something bigger but just as fun as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.
The Only Ones (DVD) – First off I gotta give credit for the misdirection of this film as a character tells the story of Boneface trying to scare friends as they travel to a secluded cabin in the woods. Six friends just trying to scare the shit out of each other, drink beer, and enjoy quiet time in nature. But once shrooms are introduced that is where it all goes downhill for the group as someone is shot by accident. The friends try to discuss and clean up the mess but fight over if authorities should be involved as it just snowballs from one thing to another. There is solid structure to this film as it plays out more like a thriller than a straight up horror film. This feels like something that may get a small cult following on a streaming platform sooner than later as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.
Guerrilla Dogs (DVD) – Another BPO Films project from Blake O’Donnell that just had me laughing a lot because it stars the present day Indy version of the “Three Stooges” with a little more thoughtfulness in storytelling from Blake O’Donnell, Ben Dietels, and Ryan Lintner. Their unique style is once again on display as they are “The Keepers of the Cause” and holding a man captive for ransom as he could be important for “The Effect”. These weekend warrior types believe they are doing right by hiding out in the woods and keeping Mr. Money captive. The films runs a little long but the boys go from one hilarious scenario to the next as they try to live off the land and keep this man until they get their ransom. Literally this is one of those movies you never heard of but would be happy when you did as you witness the hilarity as I give the film 3 out of 4 stars.
BPO Films Mixtape Volume 2 (DVD) – The three ultra talented dudes (Ben Dietels, Ryan Lintner, and Blake O’Donnell) made a series of short films over the years that deal with garbage, thumb wars, sex, realtors, a pizza guy, drinking on St. Patrick’s Day, etc. The fun never stops with these guys as it seems they are constantly filming something so get ready to laugh your ass off as I give this project 3 out of 4 stars.
Attack of the Corn Zombies (DVD) – It is the 1960s in a small Midwest town where they are having their annual corn festival. This past year some folks used an experimental fertilizer on the crops to help them grow faster but really didn’t do as advertised. But unbeknownst to the townsfolk all the corn was contaminated by this new stuff. Quickly after ingesting the corn people become zombies who attack those who haven’t. Now a small group of folks are just trying to survive the corn zombies so they can get out of town. I enjoyed this Indy zombie film as the first key was they understood “you are not reinventing the zombie genre”. Second key of this film being entertaining was I enjoyed the corn growing out of the infected… that was really a nice touch that some may never would have given a second look. Third key was having a solid Indy cast that felt like everyone was casted correctly. The film had a vibe of the 70s cult film ‘Toxic Zombies’ meeting Jim Roberts’ ‘Welcome to Deer Creek’ as I gotta give this Indy zombie project 3 out of 4 stars.
Air Fryer Slaughter (DVD) – The Matthew Mark Hunter and Matt Skinner project about a killer air fryer is finally out there for horror fans to enjoy. It is the simple story of an air fryer going rogue for not much reason other than it is hungry for human flesh and … apparently sex? The film is full of Indy names and hilarious infomercials as the air fryer hops around town after it murders someone. As the bodies pile up the cops refuse to believe its prime suspect would be an air fryer as it slaughters its way through most of the cast. When the appliance isn’t killing someone or giving a blowjob, the air fryer is trying to help sell merch ‘Evil Bong’ style! Even though the film gives off that ‘Attack of the Killer Tomatoes’ vibe it does run 20 to 25 minutes way to long like the film ‘Rubber’ (movie about a killer car tire) and felt like it gets away from what the film was supposed to be about halfway through. Just my opinion but I gotta give it 2 out of 4 stars.
Bed Bugs (DVD) – A Matthew Mark Hunter project from 2021 where a group of children head out for some trick or treating. At each house they get a scary story as Matthew and crew check all the boxes as the kids get to hear about the boogeyman, zombies, a kid seeking revenge, the devil, and vampires. This is a nice project to introduce some of the younger crowd to Indy horror as I give this film 2 ½ out of 4 stars.
Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!
Grossfest 2024, August 2nd and 3rd… Come join us for a great time!
0Grossfest 2024 (August 2nd&3rd)
This is it!!! Now we got great guests, we have unbelievably talented and cool vendors, all we need now is you, your relatives, your friends, neighbors that you don’t talk too, etc., to come through the door and support Independent horror everything!
Again folks, let’s keep it simple, let’s have fun, let’s support each other, and make Grossfest continue year after year. And beforehand thank yinz for coming! (And yes, we do have another random gift bag giveaway for one lucky person on Friday and Saturday coming through the door.)
Comfort Inn Conference Center
699 Rodi Road, Pittsburgh, PA, 15235
(The Grossfest convention is on the bottom floor of the hotel. If needed you will be directed by the front desk and also if you come in that way there is steps off to the right down the hallway that will lead yinz to us! Otherwise there is a door out back that leads directly to Grossfest also.)
Need to reserve a room call (412) 244-1600
Tickets: $10 at the door for one day or $15 to hang on both days (no matter what you must pay admission at the door to get into Grossfest 2024 and to also get a tattoo from the great Angel O’Connor. No the tattoos are not free, Angel sets her prices, no one under 18 will get a tattoo, she will be doing small ones 30 to 60 minutes on average) NO EXCEPTIONS!
Vendor, movie, and tattoo room hours:
August 2nd, Friday 4-10pm
August 3rd, Saturday 11-7pm
Grossfest 2024 guests
Sean Donohue and Sushii Xhyvette Holder
Roni Jonah and Jason Crowe
Kelsey Livengood
Matt Cannon… also appearing with Matt is Victor Butler who was the detective in Hexercise.
Jorge Delarosa
Nathan Rumler
Rebecca Rinehart
Also Special guests
Dave Castiglione
Steve Rudzinski
Jennifer Nangle
Also let’s not forget ultra-talented, super horror movie fan, tattoo artist Angel O’Connor who will be doing tattoos at Grossfest both days!
The talented Vendor list:
Neko Shark Films
Minerva Trinkets
Neens Soaps
Kiss of Death Productions
Scream Team Releasing
Addison Binek – Psycho Ape
Horror Movie Heaven
Barry the Movie Demon
Cluck Cluck Productions
Celebration of Spirits
13 Occult
Studio Arata
Video Nasty Productions
The Odd End
MMH Productions
Ultra Violent Magazine
Nostalgic Nightmare Productions
Once Upon a Killer
Mike Ancas
Fairly Dark Productions
BPO Films
Burgh Brats Krafty Kreations
Melissa Spezia
Josh Graves – Late Checkout
Drunken Yinzers Productions
Dazed and Disorderly
Vicious Creations
Cindy’s Creative Chaos
Fast Custom Shirts
Gross Movie Reviews #642
0Cruel Summer (Blu-ray) – A 2021 Indy flick that has college friends setting out for the summer break to have a 80s murder/mystery weekend party. Of course they have decided in order to be an authentic 80s party they are not taking cell phones??? Let’s stop the review here for a second: When did this become a recent horror movie staple when in reality a 20 year old let alone most 40 year olds cannot let go of their fucking phone?! Okay back to the review… Anyhow six friends make it to this summer property that just happens to be a site of a murder spree sometime in the past. It isn’t too long before a mystery killer picks up a leftover invite for the party at the property and pays a visit. But we the viewer quickly learn this was planned from the start. Instead of being an interesting Indy slasher it turns into a mostly incoherent forgettable horror film as I can only give this 1 star.
Sequel: Cruel Summer II (Blu-ray) – Two years later survivors of the 80s murder/mystery tour try to move on with their lives? Some are doing better than the others but all learn that one of them has chosen to put together a play about the tragic weekend. As most of the survivors believed their main menace ‘Gunnar’ was dead but his body was never found by the police. Now getting ready to attend the play in support of their friend, bodies are piling up around them again! The sequel at least felt like it had more direction but for what exactly not totally sure as a play about a killing spree of friends being put on two years later really doesn’t make for an exciting sequel as I got to give this 1 star also.
The Menu (On Demand) – Now you know me as sometimes I don’t always watch the popular films when they first get released as my reviewing habits are always all over the place. But I was asked recently to talk about this film for a podcast and felt like a jagoff soon as I finished watching it because I knew whatever I was gonna say it isn’t going to be good enough for the fans of this film because plain and simple “this isn’t the film for me”. With that out of the way what we have here is the ‘elite’ or ‘privileged’ pay top dollar for an exclusive meal served on an isolated island. Once there a character Margo, a date of a foodie who supposedly knows all about high class dining questions everything. Well it could be because the chef is considered a genius and has everything planned out along with staff following him like a cult. The chef strives for perfection and if that means beating a couple attendees, cutting fingers off, proving a point of having someone under pressure to cook so they can fail so be it. But his grand plan or suicide cult pact is to have everyone there on the island die because it is all about the experience! But Margo throws him off because she doesn’t belong but unlike the others attending she finds a way to challenge the chef as he respects this. Well casted film with an enjoyable ending but I was really hoping someone was gonna get fucking eaten during this film as I give it 3 stars.
Bull Shark 2 (Tubi) – Some time has passed since the shark attacks in a Texas lake that had game warden Spencer left to solve them. But now retired and drunk he is seeked out by a mother who has lost her daughter on a lake that people are not supposed to be on. New mayor and sheriff are trying to restart the town as it has been hit hard with no tourists after the last film’s events. Spencer after wrestling with his drinking and bad dreams grabs his brother and gets back into action of going to kill another shark. Ten years ago this would have been a “SyFy Channel Shark Week” exclusive, now it is just thrown out there on Tubi without much PR. Right or wrong, the film does a good exploitation of ‘Jaws 2’ with not much budget as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Happy Hour Holocaust 3: The Last Call (DVD) – Indy filmmaking vet Jim Roberts returns with the anthology that has an evil force known only as BarKreep telling stories one last time… maybe? After receiving a special holiday hummer in his truck he tells his new friend a story called ‘Cooking with Roger’ (I have reviewed this short in the past) where an odd older combo are streaming their cooking techniques out there for yinz to watch. Well the two find some strange mushrooms and decide to ingest them. Which you know only bad things can happen from there especially when a weird green elf shows up to convince the two to do some screwed up shit live while their show streams! BarKreep hitchhikes back to his family’s home to tell them a story called ‘Misty’ about a woman who claims to be lost but more than anything just enjoys the company of men… and slaughtering them. (Love the hat wore by one of the characters in this one “Show me that Butthole”.) BarKreep keeps the slaughter fest going and moves down the road to meet up with ‘MOM”! Here he tells a story called ‘Til Death’ about a man brutally killing his wife, cleaning up the mess, and just enjoying his new life. But Cynthia doesn’t let go as easy as she haunts her husband in the most disturbing ways. I have to say Jim Roberts’s mom Karen who plays the character Cynthia looked like she had way too much fun with this role?! If you enjoy serial killers and bloodbaths in your movies this will be the entertainment you need to seek out? I give this Jim Roberts project 3 out of 4 stars. What I find so interesting about this series of anthologies he has done is they feel very different than his stand alone movies like Jim has a different personality when it is time to visit the BarKreep so keep that in mind next time viewing the films of the great Jim Roberts.
Founders Day (DVD) – Oddly enough this is a political horror film that centers on a small town mayoral election that has gotten a little out of control just like our presidential elections. As the town fights and protests over who should be the next mayor a masked killer shows up to start stacking up teenage bodies. But after the supposed killer ‘Adam’ is killed about 50 minutes into the film questions emerge as the killing doesn’t stop causing many in the town to point fingers at each other. I had hope for a different ending, something random as the first few minutes may give this film away which most likely caused this horror film to quickly disappear last year? Also the other thing that hurts this film is the long drawn out teenage drama that dominates instead of being more of a straight up slasher as I can only give this 1 ½ stars.
Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!
Gross Movie Reviews #641
2The First Omen (On Demand) – So they reached deep in the bag on this one… a prequel to a series that started in 1976. I would have loved to be in that pitch meeting especially since the remake failed many years ago. Anyway it is Rome, Italy 1971, where a young woman Sister Maggie who has devoted her life to the church is on her way to taking her vows. The former Father Brennan (the opening scene sets up this character) seeks out Maggie to warn her about a teenager Carlita who is in the orphanage that the church runs and Maggie will be spending her time learning at. The former Father Brennan finally convinces Maggie to meet with him and explain that there is a conspiracy within the church as people have lost faith worldwide? So in order to get people’s faith back let’s bring forth the “Antichrist”! Thus reason for Carlita to be watched carefully as the movie unfolds as she will be an unwilling participate in the birth of the Antichrist. Up until now the church’s plan has failed as there only have been female children as they need a male child. But as Sister Maggie scrambles to “look for the mark” an even darker secret is unveiled to tie all in what the grand plan actual is? To be honest, I am surprised I liked this fucking movie. Prequel to a film series that really ended in the early 80s with ‘The Final Conflict’ (no I do not count part four as that was a super absurd turd) I was waiting for the other shoe to drop and have that same feeling after watching ‘The Thing’ prequel from like a decade ago or so? But noooooo, this movie felt like it stood on its own, it was surprisingly interesting, bloody as hell, and they tied it into the 1976 classic without it feeling forced like some prequels to other movie series that have come before it. Horror fans solid effort here so give this one a chance as I give it 3 stars.
Scream (DVD) – No, not the more recent series with “Ghostface”. This is the lesser known low budget slasher from the early 80s that probably the last time I seen it was picking up a dusty ass VH box off the bottom rack of the horror section of “Movietime” rental store in like 1988? This focuses on a group of people rafting to an abandoned mining town and setting up camp. Of course overnight someone begins to kill one by one leaving the people to point the fingers at each other? The film can be a little boring with little blood and let’s not forget the odd choice of music that makes this slasher feel at times like a lost “After School Special”. Also too for those who like me that will always have that urge to watch every 80s horror film this film this was also released under the title “The Outing” as I give it 2 stars.
Waspzilla (Waveawesome) – A new Indy film that seem only (for now) got released on another free streaming platform that stars one of the most talked about Indy actors going these days in Angela Bradford, along with Morrigan Thompson, Clint Beaver, and Matt Skinner (way to go dude). Some yahoo shoots a toxic waste barrel causing a wasp to be infected by the toxic mess and of course mutate! A deputy and a rookie (who look like extras from an early Chris Seaver film) are called into action to investigate this horrible thing in the backwoods. When the two are not busy chasing the giant wasp topless the mutated wasp is shooting freakin fire from its ass to annihilate humans. If needed more, literally a sting from this creature makes its victims implode except for the sheriff near the end of the film because you know that is needed for the plot. Yeah the film is full of plot holes, yeah the wasp is completely computerized and only has like three actions other than shooting fire from its ass, yeah wearing those pleather yellow outfits for a deputy and rookie don’t make any sense, but did you know there is a topless housecleaning scene that makes even less sense in the movie? If you are looking for your Indy horror to not make a ton of sense but make you laugh several times I suggest this flick as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.
The Lamp (Shudder) – This 1987 feature also known as ‘The Outing’ recently got the Blu-ray treatment and being rediscovered by horror fans on Shudder. For me this was one of those late night “Skinamax” features I always caught on late Friday or Saturday night so of course I have a soft spot for it. Forgive me for only remembering the last 30 minutes of this movie but it is with kids sneaking into a museum after hours to party horror formula. The story begins with degenerates breaking into an old woman’s house finding “the lamp” and unleashing the evil in it causing their deaths. Short time after it ends up at a museum where some kids decide to sneak in after hours to stay overnight to party. Problem is the Djinn has already done its damage and now wants to slaughter the kids before it is forced back into the lamp. A fun but uneven horror film with a cool creature, some fun kills, and a great poster that many older horror fans remember hanging up in the video stores as I give it 3 stars.
Psycho Ape 2! The Wrath of Kong (DVD) – Addison and crew literally come out swinging in this sequel to his no budget hit “Psycho Ape” of leaning into the comedy that much more where the film is a parody of a parody of a parody if that makes any sense at all? It is now supposedly 25 years later and the three main characters Nancy Banana, Dr. Zoomis, and Psycho Ape are all friends trying to live out their exciting lives until it becomes a courtroom drama as Psycho Ape is believed to be killing again. There is a woman who wants Psycho Ape behind bars by any means as the threesome of Nancy, the good doctor, and Psycho Ape are just trying to live their best lives as they reenact several scenes from several movies along the way. Pay attention when they are not ironing the gorilla suit mid-movie they go through a crapload of famous films quickly. This is one of those “check your brain at the door, grab a six pack, and strap yourself in for some laughs” kind of movie. Addison you had me immediately when the kids are trading for the infamous Psycho Ape card and the famous Billy Ripken card is mentioned. There is so much going on in this film it will literally take viewers two or three times to truly understand how cool this project actually is? Now saying that and looking at Addison’s films leading up to this it leaves me asking Indy fans an important question: Is Addison Binek possibly the next Lloyd Kaufman as he continues to build his young career? While you think on that this sequel is an absolute rolling on the ground, laughing until tears run down your face comedy I give 4 out of 4 stars too!
Fatal Games (DVD) – Some young athletes at a special school for training for nationals and hopefully the Olympics find themselves being stalked by an unknown killer. Yeah all the athletes are very competitive and banging each other’s brains out but this killer only uses a javelin to kill their victims even it means they must use scuba gear to get a girl in a pool! This slasher is unintentionally hilarious on so many levels making it that much more entertaining. Example: Pay attention to the shower scene? It’s the usual 80s nudity the women are completely nude in the background but when they switch to the men’s showers there is dudes in jock straps getting showers… what am I missing here? Let the dong fly! Let alone that just seems weird wearing your jock strap in the shower (coming from the guy who has taken a beer in the shower with him). A fun old school slasher that is worth the revisit as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Sons of Steel (Shudder) – Thank you Shudder for helping me find more Australian weirdness! This 1988 flick is in the somewhat futuristic land where a rock front man Black Alice runs things but he is also a peace activist. One night a suspicious boat comes into the Sydney harbor while Black Alice is forced into becoming an experimental hologram and released 113 years later in a world that was destroyed by nuclear war. Now Black Alice has ten hours to live which is a side effect of the hologram thingy to find a way back to his time and stop everything from going boom? Think “Repo Genetic Opera” (kind of) decades before it was made might be the best way to describe the weirdness as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Brainjacked (DVD) – Tristan is a young man thrown out on his ass and not sure where to go or what to do? While in a park for the night he is greeted by a beautiful young woman Laney who believes he is a male hooker but once the confusion is concluded she offers to help him. She brings the young man to a place of peace where a doctor helps lost young people by drilling holes into their skulls and giving them relief of whatever bothers them. The good doctor receives the name from the young people as “the gift giver”. Tristan hesitates but eventually gives the okay for the surgery but what seems wonderful at first but unleashes a dark secret the good doctor is hiding. Think of an independent version of ‘The Stepford Wives’ and ‘Disturbing Behavior’ but done better and more intense in my opinion in this exciting sci-fi horror film! Released in 2008/2009 this film to me at least should be talked about as an underground Indy classic as I give it 4 out of 4 stars.
Prey (DVD) – Like ‘The Outing’ the title ‘Prey’ is used so often as an alternate movie title so you usually find yourself like now describing which movie it is before even talking about the actual film. This one is another lesser known slasher that was made in 1979 but never got released until 1983 about a group of three couples going camping in the North point Mountains. Forest rangers are a little leery of people traveling there since the fires a couple decades back that killed a gypsy family living in a cave. Doesn’t take long for the group to feel someone is watching as it’s revealed late in the film it is disfigured giant of a human with an ax! It doesn’t vary from the slasher formula we all grew up with but also doesn’t overstay its welcome at 80 minutes. There is a longer version out there but I will let you research that as there are varying questions why this film took so long to be released as I give the film 2 ½ stars.
Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!
Are you going to be at Grossfest August 2 & 3, 2024?
0Yinz excited for Grossfest 2024 yet?! We are only weeks away so we hope yinz got your hotel reservations set, your vacation days in at work, and ready to have some independent cinema fun as we have stated before: We got the guests! We got the vendors! Now we just need yinz to show up at the door to buy a ticket for one or both days n’at! So see yinz in a few weeks in August!
Location:
Comfort Inn Conference Center
699 Rodi Road, Pittsburgh, PA, 15235
Need to reserve a room: Hotel link to reserve a room for Grossfest 2024! https://www.choicehotels.com/reservations/groups/ET81E2 or call (412) 244-1600
Tickets: $10 at the door for one day or $15 for both days (must have paid admission at the door to get into Grossfest 2024 and also get a tattoo from the great Angel O’Connor). NO EXCEPTIONS!
Vendor, movie, and tattoo room hours:
Friday 4-10pm
Saturday 11-7pm
Grossfest 2024 guests
Sean Donohue and Sushii Xhyvette Holder
Roni Jonah and Jason Crowe
Kelsey Livengood
Matt Cannon… also appearing with Matt is Victor Butler who was the detective in Hexercise.
Jorge Delarosa
Nathan Rumler
Rebecca Rinehart
Also Special guests
Dave Castiglione
Steve Rudzinski
Jennifer Nangle
Also let’s not forget ultra-talented, super horror movie fan, tattoo artist Angel O’Connor who will be doing tattoos at Grossfest both days!
Vendor list:
Neko Shark Films
Minerva Trinkets
Neens Soaps
Kiss of Death Productions
Scream Team Releasing
Addison Binek – Psycho Ape
Horror Movie Heaven
Barry the Movie Demon
Cluck Cluck Productions
Celebration of Spirits
13 Occult
Studio Arata
Video Nasty Productions
The Odd End
MMH Productions
Ultra Violent Magazine
Nostalgic Nightmare Productions
Once Upon a Killer
Mike Ancas
Fairly Dark Productions
BPO Films
Burgh Brats Krafty Kreations
Melissa Spezia
Josh Graves – Late Checkout
Drunken Yinzers Productions
Dazed and Disorderly
Vicious Creations
Cindys Creative Chaos
Fast Custom Shirts
Gross Movie Reviews #640
0Crocodile (Blu-ray) – For the first time this Taiwan/Korea production from 1978/1979/1981 aka Crocodile Fangs (watch the extras and read about it at www.synapsefilms.com you will totally understand) has been released in special edition Blu-ray form. Apparently there was several editions released even with a different director’s name in the credits but this the U.S. version restored. You can check out some alternate and deleted scenes in the extras after. Anyway, after a horrible storm and some atomic blasts this causes a crocodile to come hunting for humans! Two doctors and their families are on vacation and become victims to the ever growing mutation of a crocodile. These two doctors being very distraught resign their jobs and begin doing research on crocodiles and why would a giant one eat their families? While those two do that the giant crocodile feeds every three days on the next village downstream destroying all in its path. After getting the bad ass local fisherman involved the second half of the movie literally becomes almost a scene for scene of ‘Jaws’ exception for the leaping giant crocodile that had me laughing for a good five minutes. This flick is some wonderful international B-movie cheese but the real treat is the extras: besides the commentary from a writer and film historian along with the several different openings and endings that are alternate or deleted scenes that may have not been seen by U.S. audiences? My favorite extra has to be the interview with Won-se Lee! The real director as his interview is around 35 minutes and gets into him not actually knowing his name wasn’t in the credits (Sompote Sands by the way), or how hard it was doing a Thai/Korean production, or how much the film has fans outside of his country? This interview alone is entertaining, interesting and worth the price of the Blu-ray edition of the film as I give it 3 out of 4 stars and can be found at www.synapsefilms.com .
Living to Die (VHS/YouTube) – This is a fun B-grade blackmail detective flick starring none other than Wings Hauser as Nick the burned out former detective who is brought in by a high roller in Vegas to check out who is trying to blackmail him? Nick tracks down a sleazy dude in Arnold Vosloo named Jimmy that came up with a scam. Problem when Nick is visiting Jimmy, Jimmy is shot to death in front of Nick and now has a whole host of other questions? Every time Nick gets close to some solution the person he visits is getting killed including eventually himself. Justifiable fun crap to watch when you are indecisive about what to watch on a rainy day as I give it 2 ½ stars.
A Soul’s Window (DVD) – Jason Burke’s latest short film tackles the story of Grant Herman. A man who awakens to a few familiar people in front of him with a death wound to the temple of his head. Mr. Herman is forced to hear out these people how he has harmed them in some way all because he is a bad “business man”. Burke’s writing and set up is brilliant for this project as I have written something similar but have never brave enough to bring it to film so I gotta respect the awesome job he did bringing this to life as I give this short film 3 ½ out of 4 stars.
Just Before Dawn (DVD) – A 1981 fun slasher set in the mountains that follow a group of young people who are heading for some camping and checking out the land one of them own. Within minutes the city folk are stopped and warned by the forest ranger (George Kennedy) “the mountain doesn’t read”! Once settled the group explores the wonderful mountains, waterfalls, etc., including running into a backwoods family that isn’t too keen on them hanging out there. When they meet this family it’s about halfway through the movie and then the film takes a real gritty screwed up tone as the group is stalked by ruthless backwoods twins who stalk and kill them one by one. Will the group survive long enough to make it off the mountain or will the secret survive of why people have disappeared over the years in these woods? To this day the film is still entertaining as hell, well worth a rewatch, and has an ending you maybe have never seen or see coming as I give it 3 stars.
Rat Disaster (YouTube) – You had me at rats attacking people so I took a chance and checked out this killer rat flick from China filmed back in 2022 where rats carrying an unknown virus have made their way on a train. Once the train gets rolling the rats begin to wonder they are agitated and fall from the ceiling of a boxcar to start biting all humans. After several innocent people are sacrificed what’s left of the people on the train must decide if they can make it to a nearby town for a cure that just came into a hospital and make it back before nightfall. The rats hate sunlight. There is just a wonderful scene that reminds you of ‘Day of the Dead’ when they make it to the town and see the rats have killed everyone as they are stacked up in the streets, cool rat killing stuff! Best way to describe this is that it is a combo of ‘Train to Busan’ and ‘World War Z’ with rats as I give this cheesy and dramatic entertainment 2 ½ stars.
Dreams of the Dead (DVD) – Many moons ago (1994) a young Brad Sykes made a SOV horror film in Virginia but never released it, now it is soon to be. This bold and interesting horror vision introduces us to a young man named Adrian who begins to get letters to his home for a past resident who suddenly disappeared? The letters are all addressed to an Edgar Kim and this fascinates Adrian to the point of distracting him away from finishing a movie script with his friend. As Adrian slowly dwells on the mystery of Edgar Kim he begins to have visions of a beautiful woman who he doesn’t know but does know she is connected to Edgar in some way. Adrian refuses to let this go as it sucks him in deeper. Also let’s note I quite enjoyed the scene with Adrian looking up Edgar in the yellow pages oh those were the days in 1994. Without giving up the brilliant ending Brad’s film comes off more like a psychological thriller than a straight up horror film? I don’t know if Mr. Sykes pulled off exactly what he wanted but this movie has kind of a ‘Sledgehammer’ vibe that I believe will have SOV fans screaming to preorder this immediately as I give this project Mr. Sykes should be proud of 3 ½ out of 4 stars.
Don’t go in the Woods (DVD) – It is 1981 and some people are going missing in the same part of a small town wilderness where a group of four people have just shown up to go camping. After about 30 minutes of everyone else being killed off by a crazed mountain man the group trips over the cabin this crazed individual is staying at. From there in this terrible form of ‘Just before Dawn’ the four are just trying to survive long enough to get off the mountain as I give the film 2 stars.
The Blue Hole (DVD) – Dave Castiglione returns to the director’s chair some 17 years after his last directed film even though he has kept himself busy with acting roles. Rounding out his cast with some familiar Indy vets Dave puts together a mystery horror film of sorts that begins in Pine Barrens, New Jersey aka The Pines aka Pinelands June 1997 where a masked man stalks two women at their pool and kills them. This leads into a reporter being sent to the area 24 years later to interview a former police chief of the area and connect truth to folklore hopefully? Bree is not exactly happy with this latest gig because she has been passed over for managing editor but once there she becomes fully engrossed with the chief and her cameraman as she tries to connect several events of missing persons that this former police chief still wrestles with into retirement! As they go through all the strange things over the years Bree soon finds herself in possible trouble with ‘the blue hole’ legend? The film feels like a lost episode of a long canceled sci-fi TV series of the early 90s which will quickly find and entertain an audience for sure as I give the film 3 out of 4 stars.
Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!
Crocodile Blu-ray review
0
Crocodile (Blu-ray) – For the first time this Taiwan/Korea production from 1978/1979/1981 aka Crocodile Fangs (watch the extras and read about it at www.synapsefilms.com you will totally understand) has been released in special edition Blu-ray form. Apparently there was several editions released even with a different director’s name in the credits but this the U.S. version restored. You can check out some alternate and deleted scenes in the extras after. Anyway, after a horrible storm and some atomic blasts this causes a crocodile to come hunting for humans! Two doctors and their families are on vacation and become victims to the ever growing mutation of a crocodile. These two doctors being very distraught resign their jobs and begin doing research on crocodiles and why would a giant one eat their families? While those two do that the giant crocodile feeds every three days on the next village downstream destroying all in its path. After getting the bad ass local fisherman involved the second half of the movie literally becomes almost a scene for scene of ‘Jaws’ exception for the leaping giant crocodile that had me laughing for a good five minutes. This flick is some wonderful international B-movie cheese but the real treat is the extras: besides the commentary from a writer and film historian along with the several different openings and endings that are alternate or deleted scenes that may have not been seen by U.S. audiences? My favorite extra has to be the interview with Won-se Lee! The real director as his interview is around 35 minutes and gets into him not actually knowing his name wasn’t in the credits (Sompote Sands by the way), or how hard it was doing a Thai/Korean production, or how much the film has fans outside of his country? This interview alone is entertaining, interesting and worth the price of the Blu-ray edition of the film as I give it 3 out of 4 stars and can be found at www.synapsefilms.com .
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