Rumpelstiltskin (UltraHD/4K) – Okay Terrorvision did you just seriously release this on 4K? Fucking wild since I haven’t watched this film since its release in 1995 as it comes from the same dude that gave us ‘Leprechaun’ of course so it was time for a revisit. So after stealing a baby hundreds of years ago Rumpelstiltskin is cursed into being a rock by a witch. Now present day, a prego wife who has lost her cop husband in a senseless crime finds herself a little later at an oddities store where she buys the rock. She takes it home, she has the baby now, wishes her husband to be alive (after they bump uglies of course in a dream) and now this little demon is chasing her or she is chasing it because it wants the baby’s soul! By the way Rumpelstiltskin smokes cigars, hard to kill, can drive a motorcycle and a long haul truck which fun fact the producers of this flick are the same dudes that gave us Scooby-Doo and Thundarr the Barbarian! This fairy tale terror is not as much fun as Leprechaun but it’s packed with a commentary, making of segment, Shot on VHS behind the scenes stuff, and even has a baking segment as I give it 2 ½ stars and make you say “fuck it” and watch it anyway.

Colossal (DVD) – This 2016 film is about a character Gloria who just happens to be an aging party girl in New York who has a boyfriend that supports her until he has had enough of her all night partying. Gloria being thrown out is forced back to her small town home where her parents died but left her their home. She stays there to decide what’s next besides trying to no longer drink but at the same time Seoul, Korea is attacked by a mysterious giant monster. As the attacks become more frequent not exactly explained to the world Gloria and friends become intrigued? Gloria figures out it have something to do with a childhood trauma at a playground that wasn’t there but is now with her friend Oscar. The film becomes about unresolved childhood trauma, friendship, and Gloria just trying to figure out life. For me the film is neither good nor bad as it had me waiting for something else to happen but never did. But for those that like this film this just “wasn’t my cup of tea” as I give it 2 stars.

Cutter’s Club (Tubi) – A newer but older Charles Band release that stars the legendary fine actor Tony Todd. This was one of the many unfinished projects of Mr. Band from several years ago that he finally got a crew together to unearth it and put it out there for fans. (Way too many stories about why, but this isn’t the first unfinished project that has found its way out there from the Charles Band magical warehouse recently. That is for a whole other conversation sometime.) Jill is a med student in the process of becoming a surgeon believes she could do more research with a disgraced great doctor that could change the world? This great doctor is Doctor Roberts and up until a year or so ago the university loved him until it was found out he was banging Jill so instead of firing him they place him in the basement of the east wing where he continues his experiments… with his odd satanic-like minions. Jill convinces her boyfriend after an experiment with a cat that the right thing to do would be to join forces with Dr. Roberts to further research. The purpose for all involved is “Art of Flesh” but they need more than animals for their big experiment and bring to life a creature with two heads. This 2005 film felt a bit thrown together then and still does now but enjoy seeing the potential in Charles Band finishing some of these “unfinished” projects as I give this 2 ½ stars.

Zombie Repellent (Tubi) – A soon to be married couple find themselves lost and without their car (believed stolen) in the middle of nowhere. They get to a small town that has no hotels, no Wi-Fi, and just a little weird as they can’t sleep as they uncover the town has a zombie problem. Now the couple must do everything they can with whoever will believe them during their misadventure to survive the zombies. There is some parts I am leaving out on purpose because it does have some funny parts but the bigger thing is the movie has an ending that isn’t ‘what you think it is’ so understand why this is more of a vague review as I give the film 2 stars.

Alien Intruder (VHS) – Thank you to my good friend Jon Cross for pointing out PM Entertainment to me this wild movie filler 1993 space gem stars Maxwell Caulfield, Billy Dee Williams, Jeff Conaway, and Tracy Scoggins! It is 2022 A.D. as Nick Mancuso and a few other prisoners are pulled out of New Alcatraz to use their special skills for a rescue mission or salvage mission. Little they know Tracy Scoggins plays a renegade VR program that has infected the ship they are going after and just enjoys making mankind lust for her and then kill each other. With most of the film being filler of Tracy Scoggins being the Ariel program or just being gorgeous the crew tries to disable the program so they can escape this hell. Fun cast in a low budget film that is so low budget it feels like they filmed it all in a K-mart warehouse and basement will always spell fun time to me as I give it 3 stars.

Beast Mode (DVD) – Literally this is one of those films released in 2020 that I cannot tell it was that big of a mess the studio didn’t know what to do with or like a lot of films that year it got “COVIDED” . Anyway we have a beaten down on his luck producer in C. Thomas Howell who accidentally kills or believes he does his meal ticket aka star in Huckle Saxton. Howell’s staff finds a double to pass off as Huckle for a movie project and uses this underground herbal make-up to pass him off. Problem is the make-up is known to make someone who uses it into a bloodthirsty beast. Meanwhile the real Huckle Saxton wakes up in a storage unit and from there the plot just gets real murky at best. No matter what, I found C. Thomas Howell to be the gem in this huge mess as I enjoyed his character throughout but still can only give this film 1 ½ stars.

Arkansas Pigman Massacre (Fawesome) – Another massacre film acquired but problem is they should have thought twice about making it. The film claims the events of the film take place in 2004 where two 12 year old girls go with a big brother randomly to the woods only to be stalked by a guy in a pig mask for most of the film. Or to save us all a bunch of trouble of me ranting about this film I like to call this movie: Look ma, I have a drone! Also I watched ‘In a Violent Nature’ last year and I was always a fan of ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre’ but for some reason I wanted to have the plot of my film literally not make sense. Hopefully that explains this mess of an Indy movie that I can only give it 0 stars. Want to know more of my breakdown please find me, buy me a beer, and we will have an educational conversation? I so wanted this to be a no-budget fun mess instead I got a turd that someone calls a movie!

Side Effects May Vary (DVD) – A movie project I wish I would have seen sooner as even before we get into the review this will make it into my “Top Ten list of 2025”! So J.R. Bookwalter returns to the director’s chair for the first time in 23 years along with help from writer and star James L. Edwards. Glenn has been sick for several weeks during this pandemic and doesn’t exactly believe in the science behind the new vaccines even though his wife has gotten it. Because of his illness lingering and nagging from his wife Glenn heads to the doctor’s office to get treatment. But because of the illness he cannot be vaccinated but can be part of this experimental shot that can be given during illness. He takes it believing he is doing the right thing for himself and others. It isn’t long after Glenn experiences side effects of blurred/weird visions, then also after a very uncomfortable but hilarious sex scene with the wife his dong falls off! From there Glenn becomes a gooey monstrous mess with murderous tendencies. As Glenn’s best friend gets involved, cops get involved, weird things begin to happen as Glenn’s disgusting meltdown is absolutely glorious with a perfect ending to this social commentary. This independent project is a prime example of doing all the little things right equals’ success as JR and crew put on a Masterclass of “how to make your independent movie correctly”. This was a perfect pandemic film that many have tried and failed at making so congrats to JR and James for bringing this adventure to life as I will be talking about it for years. As I give this project 4 out of 4 stars I also have to say Brinke Stevens steals the show here kids as this is her best performance since ‘Sorority Babes in the Slime Bowl-o-rama’! The DVD has a great Q&A for their opening night of the film done by none other Art Ettinger.

The Gorge (Amazon) – Two snipers are recruited to keep watch for 365 days straight over a gorge of unknown origin for uncertain reasons. Mostly they just know it’s supposedly for their country. One on the east and one on the west as shortly after World War II as the story goes three Calvary groups went in and never came back so an international treaty for this gorge was made. It is believed to be the “gate to hell” but as the two become curious about each other and decide to meet which by the way is not allowed as the two fall in love and share stories of what they know. But an incident has both trapped inside the gorge as they soon learn more than just monsters are the problem and it is part of something bigger? This is one of those “I liked it but didn’t love it” as it felt more like a video game adaptation of something thrown together. I enjoyed the concept but also felt like the movie was missing something as I give the project 3 stars.

Screamboat (Fandango) – Another unfunny adaptation of Steamboat Willie going into public domain as the Staten Island Ferry is haunted by the real life Steamboat Willie when it is released from its chamber. The killer rodent slaughters his way through passengers in a pretty boring way but I did enjoy ‘the lower deck scene as this is how we kill off 98% of the passengers in one fail swoop kind of thing’. The movie runs 30 minutes too long, the Disney references border on super annoying, and if you are into Jason Takes Manhattan combined with a bootleg Gingerdeadman vibe then hey you found your movie as I give it 1 star.

Berserker: The Nordic Curse (Tubi) – A 1987 film that I thought I had seen in the past but got it mixed up with two other Indy films I seen like 15 or 20 years ago so this was my first watch of the low budget horror from the 80s. The story takes place in nowhere Utah called ‘Rainbow Valley Campgrounds’ where supposedly Vikings hung out in the tenth century? Some young people are there for a week of camping only to be warned by George Buck Flower and the lone sheriff that there are wild animals out there “so be careful”. The kids get partying; read some stories of the Nordic legend, then one of them wander off to pee and its game time for the Nordic spirit or… the killer bear. Glad I got to see it but yinz arenot missing out on much folks as I give it 1 ½ stars.

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