Gross Movie Reviews #687

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Other Men’s Careers (DVD) – Another documentary from huge ‘Evil Dead’ fan Ryan Meade who did an absolutely perfect job with ‘Invaluable’ highlighting Tom Sullivan. As with this project he highlights Josh Becker one of the people that was also on set with Sam, Bruce, and Robert from the beginning. Josh Becker has had a very interesting career to say it best as Josh even admits “he is his own worst enemy”, good or bad. All the usual from ‘Evil Dead’ are interviewed speaking about Becker’s humble beginnings to moving to L.A. back to Michigan because he had scurvy! They cover how he hung out with Sam, Ted, Bruce, etc., discuss his writing on Xena, and his own small budget projects. But this isn’t your usual documentary that makes everything all happy, happy, joy, joy, as even Josh talks about his dark times. Josh has definitely done things his own way and other than the color being a little off at times Ryan Meade did a wonderful job of capturing Josh’s career and bringing it to light that some fans may have not known about. I have always enjoyed interacting with Mr. Becker over the years at a couple conventions and glad to see him featured in a project like this as I got give it 4 stars all the way.  

Primitive War (On Demand) – For whatever reasons this wasn’t in theaters, let alone there wasn’t much ad time dedicated to this being released? For the love of Rutger Hauer: dinosaurs, Vietnam War, Jeremy Piven… how do you miss on this? Set in Vietnam 1968 where a Green Beret unit mysteriously disappears in a valley that isn’t occupied by the war taking place. A special recon team is tasked with going into the valley to find out what happened and get out. Do not engage, just report, and get a helio out.  The team is all about it as they get off at doing their job but quickly know there is a lot more not being told when they arrive in the valley to find dinosaurs and a Russian experiment gone wrong that could end the world. Recon unit’s new mission becomes not only survival but stop a lunatic from continuing the experiment to see if he can end the world? Oh people this is a big old cheeseball movie with not the best of effects and a long running time but I still enjoyed finding this kind of random project being made as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Cocaine Stepdad (DVD) – The filmmaker alone should win an award for one of the best movie titles ever! Kyle is a young man (not really 12 years old but you will understand) whose mother is about to marry a super sketchy pastor. Terry, Kyle’s last stepdad is in prison and just got Kyle to come on some random lockup reality TV show. Of course Terry is just using Kyle for a prison break and it works! Now on the run Terry and Kyle begin to bond as the two do some outrageous things and eventually break down a plan to stop the marriage between Kyle’s mom and the weird gun totting generic bucket of mayo making pastor. Filmed like a reality TV show or think ‘Natural Born Killers’ with less blood but you laughing out loud a lot more at what the two do along the way in order to stop the marriage. This independent film is absolutely hilarious, sketchy as hell, and has a supreme ending that you need to witness to understand it all as I give this truly different project 3 out of 4 stars.

Amityville Apt. (Amazon) – So entry #75 into this legendary series of films as a solid cast throughout a series of stories/anthology that features evil, the devil, monsters, killer clowns, and ghosts that haunt residents of an apartment complex. The premise is the original Amityville home has burned down a few years back and someone came in to build an apartment complex. To my surprise all segments are shot well, well casted, interesting, and they all do not linger as they blend together wonderfully telling the story of this evil complex. Legit straight up a great entry into the series that I hope doesn’t get overlooked by burned out independent film fans as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Kim’s Video (Tubi) – An odd but super interesting documentary about a famous video store in New York City before they cleaned the city up and everything went streaming but that is only the beginning as this isn’t your ordinary documentary. The documentarian, David, who is a movie fan like a lot of us lived in New York City in the mid-90s and was a member of this legendary video store. This store had bands play inside, bootlegs of movies from all over the world, and videos of movies that were never available. The store was one of a couple that the owner Kim also owned a few dry cleaners in New York where his love of movies and his video stores became even more profitable than people could even imagines. Hell his stores would be raided by the FBI in 2003 and a week later Kim would have the shelves full again. In the early 2000s Kim seen what was coming down the pike and instead of selling off his collection that was estimated at 50000 movies he wanted to donate it to something or someone that would take care of it? This is where the story gets weird… In 2009 the collection is donated to a small city in Italy. There was a dedication, people forgot, something about mafia ties, and then this documentarian arrives in Italy to break into this storage building to find moldy tapes! The man David then comes up with a plan to steal the collection back and bring it back to the U.S. This story is wild but I love it because it is something I believe in along with the passion as I give this must see documentary about physical media 4 stars.

The Valley of Gwangi (DVD) – A late 60s B-movie that has a showman Tuck Kirby who has gotten out of the old west/carnival show stuff to sell acts to other shows trying to survive. It just so happen Tuck’s hottie ex-girl has an act no one has ever seen: a little horse that has been extinct for 50 million years but live and doing tricks while on top of a full size horse. Gypsys of course the keepers of this unknown valley where the animal was taken from have retrieved the animal. Tuck, a professor, members of a Wild West show track the gypsys down only to find themselves fighting dinosaurs. They capture one so of course it will be a great idea to take it on the road as an act? Great B-movie stuff with dinosaurs fighting each other throughout along with eating people as I give the film 2 ½ stars.

Like Tears in Rain (Amazon) – A documentary about one of my favorite actors of all time… Rutger Hauer. This project gets really in-depth of Rutger before he hit Hollywood as his wife found some old films Rutger did in the early 70s and so on. The film recounts how Rutger broke into Hollywood but he wanted it to do it his way while being himself as one celebrity puts it “Rutger just didn’t fit in as that made him stand out” at a time where that was difficult. All the things Rutger did in his early life with his wife and best friend was just amazing as he basically enjoyed hanging out with friends’ kids, to being beyond respected by actors and directors as this might make you cry at what he accomplished in life. I have always admired Rutger Hauer and if you watch this and not feel a tear come on or have a new respect for this man you do not have a soul! I loved this documentary about a man that was such a mystery too many but absolutely able to put his stamp on cinema big and small from ‘Blade Runner’ to ‘Hobo with a Shotgun’. I give this project 4 stars and so happy this dude existed!

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

My favorite movies to rewatch from the past twenty years!

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Point of this list isn’t so much to piss everyone off as much I was asked to do a podcast recently and put together “my favorite twenty horror movies over the past twenty years”? So now that I have done the podcast, I thought I would post the list for those who didn’t or won’t hear the podcast.

Top 20

1) VFW

2) Hobo with a Shotgun

3) Shaun of the Dead

4) The Barn

5) Hexercise

6) 30 Days of Night

7) Holy Shit… Zombies!

8) Dead Snow

9) Wolf Cop

10) The Void

11) The Collector

12) Feast

13) The Devil’s Rejects

14) Don’t Kill It

15) Tucker and Dale vs. Evil

16) Frankenstein’s Army

17) The Rec 1-4 series

18) Pool Party Massacre

19) Garden Party Massacre

20) Planet Terror from Grindhouse

Gross Movie Reviews #636

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Realm of Shadows (YouTube/DVD) – An anthology of sorts of the weird, the occult, or the abstract where four ladies sit around a Ouija board for evil reasons and the board tells stories as it supposedly opens an evil realm. All the segments are quick, interconnect, and the anthology unlike most gets out in less than 90 minutes. Along the way we even get an appearance from the legendary Tony Todd, and the wonderfully exciting Vernon Wells. I guess you could say the film goes more for playing on fear than trying for the sheer terror aspect? This film doesn’t come off as an anthology for the straight up die hard horror fan as much as the occasional movie viewer who looks to wet their horror appetite once or twice a year outside of Halloween with Tubi or Netflix. Having the two known celebs on the cover won’t hurt so for that I gotta give this project 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

The Third Saturday in October Part V (Shudder) – The opening credits explain a little bit of what has gone on since the last Jack Harding killing spree as we see him disappear in 1979 at the end of the first film. But now the franchise has spawned a few successful sequels and this is the fourth one set in 1994. Harding terrorized Hackleburg, Alabama every year during the time 1979 to 1987 and of course the third Saturday of October then disappeared again. Harding has returned again to begin his killing spree, as the football rivalry continues so does Jack Harding. This entry is a straight up slasher in the sense of just piling up bodies more than adding to the mythos or bringing back characters that were fun to get to know during the first film. This entry isn’t at all terrible but not the follow up I wanted if that makes sense as I was expecting a continuation of characters and what not as this went the way of the  “Friday the 13th” sequels but maybe that was the plan from the beginning? Consider me a little disappointed but still a solid horror film as I can only give this 2 ½ stars.

Alien Seed (VHS/YouTube) – It’s 1990, we got Erik Estrada, and this low budget direct-to-video trash precursor to “The X-files” storyline… You have my attention! Lisa’s sister is having strange dreams and visions before her untimely death, now Lisa is feeling very different like something has happened to her more than losing a sister? Dr. Stone comes a sniffing around to continue his ‘evil work’ secretly along with an author, Mark Timmons, who now is very interested in Lisa as he believes Lisa and her sister were abducted by aliens. But what complicates things besides the government wanting to get involved is Lisa being prego with an alien baby that two ‘men in black’ that can only afford driving a black Ford Tempo are trying to track her down. If you are old enough to remember outside of the Ford Pinto of the 80s, the Ford Tempo was the next hot piece of garbage Ford tried selling to consumers. Speaking of hot garbage this movie is bad but a hilarious fun bad if you remember renting these direct-to-video cult classics as for the love of Rutger Hauer it stars Erik Estrada that alone gets you 2 stars.

The Last Vampire on Earth (DVD) – On what Lord Rutger Hauer’s green earth did someone think this ultra-low budget “Twilight” trash think this was a good idea? This is a story in 2010 about a vampire boy having a relationship with a Christian girl who just so happen to have AIDS. It’s dumb, it’s overdramatic, Preacher dad wants to kill said vamp, and oh yeah let’s not forget the two are doing a “Dracula” college play! Let me whip this DVD into the trash and set it on fire as consider yourself warned if you even dare to attempt this turd as I give it nothing!

TRET (DVD) – So independent filmmaker Matthew Diulus decided to delight horror fans with a tale of Halloween horror that runs a little over 17 minutes. This tale of terror deals with a person disrespecting another person’s Halloween decorations and candy bowl thus there is consequences for this action? Break the rules you must choose ‘Trick or Tret’? So if there is anything to take away from this delightful scare it’s always respect people’s Halloween stuff as this was a wisely casted, performed, and crafted Halloween horror short that I got to give 4 out of 4 stars.

Summer of Fear (Blu-ray) – A Wes Craven TV movie production from 1978 that stars Linda Blair as Rachel who gets a surprise for the summer as her cousin Julia moves in after the untimely death of her mum. As Julia settles in strange little things begin to happen that only Rachel is noticing including her boyfriend played by Jeff East being stolen away. Everyone else believes Rachel is just overreacting and needs to just go with the flow. But Rachel refuses and gets help from her professor friend down the road to help her prove Julia is into the witchcraft and using it for no good. It’s your typical TV movie horror but a fun look back at seeing Fran Drescher playing Linda Blair’s best friend. Also the movie was titled at one time “Stranger in Our House” and did pretty well in the ratings when it first aired as I give the film 2 ½ stars.

Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire (On Demand) – Round two of Kong and Godzilla has the titans living worlds apart. Kong is exploring Hollow Earth as Godzilla keeps Earth safe from giant creatures who show up to destroy cities. But Monarch goes exploring Hollow Earth after they are getting some strange signals and Godzilla seems to be powering up for something big? Kong and others discover another realm in Hallow Earth and become disturbed because the ancients tell a story of a Scar Kong that wants revenge and send the Earthly realm into darkness. Now Monarch must get Kong and Godzilla on the same side to go to war with this new threat. It is a big budget fun popcorn movie but I am to tell everyone I enjoyed it but it is such a far cry from greatness like “Godzilla Minus One” as that film has changed the landscape for the “Godzilla” franchise as I give this 3 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #617

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Don’t Open the Door (VHS/YouTube) – A film from 1974/75 that is also known as ‘Don’t Hang Up’. A lesser known suspense horror film that has gotten lost over the years because of more fan favorites such as ‘Black Christmas’ or ‘Don’t Answer the Phone’. Anyway a young girl in 1962 finds her mother murdered and Mandy returns home 13 years later to check in on her grandmother. Things are not what they seem as she finds three local men discussing the affairs of her grandmother in the house. Mandy immediately takes over and gets her grandmother to a hospital where she can be taken care of correctly but this is only the beginning of her problems as (there is no mystery to this) creepy ass Mr. Kern keeps calling Mandy and trying to torture her inside of the home. The film might be a little tame for today’s audiences but if you like an old school film that just tries to build to the end give this one a chance as I give it 2 stars.

Fear City (DVD) – A sleazy New York film from 1984 that has an all-star cast where a couple guys run a “talent agency” that has the best dancers for the New York clubs. The one guy is haunted by his past as a former boxer who killed someone in the ring as his partner is trying to keep his family life out of the business. The main plot of the film is a mysterious figure one night disfigures one of the ladies after her shift. Every few days this sleezeball dude plans his attacks on these unsuspecting women. Soon the talent agency is losing business as the guys running it are becoming unhinged as they watch their livelihood go down the drain. If that wasn’t enough the cops are on their asses to stay out of it or they will shut everything down but they are just as baffled by the attacks by the “New York Knifer”. Think of a much grittier ’10 to Midnight’ with no Chuck Bronson. Be prepared you will feel dirty watching this flick but it’s fun, brilliant, and enjoy pointing out how many character actors you find in this as I give it 3 stars.

Amityville Job Interview (DVD/YouTube) – Welcome to entry #54 folks as this comes out of the UK even though the first thing you see on screen is Shawn Phillips (who I believe has a life goal of being in the most entries of the Amityville series for no reason). This feels like it was trying to shoot in no-budget VHS-style way where a woman looking for a job and has trouble keeping one ends up in a blank room for an interview like no other. During this process there is quite a few “self-help speeches and music videos” to help pad the running time for no reason at all. Maybe the only redeeming thing that may have come out of this is we get to see the young lady beat her roommate and uncle to death with a vibrator. Sorry people I think Nathan Rumler beat yinz to the punch on that one, anyway as most entries are this was a waste of time as I give it 0 stars.

Amityville Frankenstein (DVD/YouTube) – Entry #55 comes from the same people who also produced ‘Job Interview’ and this time there is a bigger role for Shawn Phillips if you wanna call it that. Shawn Phillips pretty much introduces this entry without introducing like a horror host from his “DVD DOJO” to watch TV. He chooses to watch a generic horror (Terror Telly) host who presents a film where two guys stumble around a fake warehouse (pay attention the same staircase shows up about a dozen times) until they find Frankenstein, poof end of movie. This entry should have been called “Amityville Movie Filler” as again I give this so called movie 0 stars.

Amityville Elevator (DVD/YouTube) – In entry #56 we are somewhere in Amityville because there is no budget again where some photographer literally rides an elevator for 50 of the 71 minute running time without getting off. Now if you go read about this dumbness the description of the film claims its trying (keyword trying) to spoof Amityville films. Sorry I am here to say you failed and it might be time to rethink your filmmaking career as I give this super dull movie project 0 stars.

The Flood (On Demand) – A Caper Van Dien flick that I had high hopes for fails horribly as I believe I have found the most overly dramatic and uninteresting killer croc or gator film made to this point in my life as I give it 0 stars.

The Innocents (DVD) – We head to Norway for this creepy flick about kids (three kids about the same age and Ida’s sister Anna who is autistic) as Ida and her family move into a new place where most of the people are vacationing during the summer. But kids being kids will go out and try to find a friend. The four eventually find out they have a connection or some kind of unknown supernatural gift and that is when the film becomes a slow burn ‘Bloody Birthday’ as one of the friends (Ben) goes dark and I mean fucked up dark. This is one of those films that borders on horror and thriller genre as I give it 3 stars.

Beyond Justice (VHS) – A first time watch of this Rutger Hauer 1990 gem where just follow me for a second here: I believe is a Canadian production, shot with an Italian crew, shot in Morocco so yes sir; you got yourself an international picture here. A big time company exec Miss Sanders had a son with her ex-husband who is from Morocco or more specifically from a tribe in the desert who still believe in desert princes and such. Rutger Hauer aka Tom Burton is brought in as a specialist to go into the desert and bring her son back. But there is more to this kidnapping as Robert’s father did it so his ex-wife and son would not be killed in this fun desert rescue action film as I give it 3 stars.

Candyland (DVD) – A gritty film about young ladies or lot lizards who live and work off Exit 17 on Route 66 at a truck stop motel where they make money let’s say off giving company to the truckers coming on through. Sadie is the center of this small group of friends just trying to make some money to move on to something else? This film is full of characters that push this sleazy story along with an older woman as their pimp, William Baldwin as a sketchy cop who likes the only guy of the lot lizard group, and then there is the newbie Remy who shows up about the same time a man is found slashed to death in the restroom. Remy is a Christian and claims she had to get out of the group bible thumpers we are introduced to at the beginning of the film. As Sadie and friends take her in and set her up with her new life Remy has a secret she is keeping from her new group of friends. If I say anymore it would spoil the film if you are interested. The film has sleaze and grit but for one reason or another I just couldn’t fully get into this film but understand why some people have loved this release. For that this might not exactly be my “cup of tea” but urge possible viewers if you are into stories with edge and sleaze you will enjoy it as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Puppet Shark (DVD) – An Indy flick done with puppets from Brett Kelly where a couple of kids head to the woods for a night of camping and telling each other stories of a killer shark that just get more absurd with each story. I did laugh a couple times through the first 30 minutes of this low budget production but felt in the end felt Kelly and company struggled to get this to be 68 minutes long. I know it pokes fun at other projects along the way but feel the movie got stale and missed the point in the end as I could only give this project 1 ½ stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #615

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Past Midnight (DVD/YouTube) – A USA Network movie from 1991 that starred Rutger Hauer, Clancy Brown, and Natasha Richardson in a murder mystery film that was actually supposed to be a theater release. Also another tidbit of info for people who go online and read the “reviews” where people claimed “this isn’t the typical Rutger Hauer film” are dead wrong because that dude seeked this shit out. Anyway Rutger Hauer is Ben who just got paroled after serving 15 years for the death of his wife and unborn child. Ben has to report to his social worker played by Natasha Richardson (Laura) who is immediately intrigued by Ben’s high IQ but also how Ben claims his innocence? Clancy Brown of course plays the best friend/past lover who still cares for her and warns “this is a dangerous path with a serial killer”. As Ben sees the chemistry immediately between the two he strings Laura around as she digs into his past to truly see if Ben is innocent? There is a lot of buildup and the movie goes about ten minutes too long but it is Rutger Hauer and he always keeps it interesting especially when there is a little twist involved in this murder mystery that I give 3 stars too.

Slipstream (DVD/YouTube) – Mark Hamill plays a bootleg Rutger Hauer future cop in a post-apocalyptic flick that has him chasing Bill Paxton after he steals his prisoner because he wants to cash in on the bounty for this unknown prisoner dude. Paxton is always looking for the big score so he can go do his balloon thing in the mountains. But it isn’t long that Paxton’s character after some interaction with the unknown prisoner dude figures out he is an android that actually killed someone and wants to travel to the end of the earth because of something he believes in. Along the way let’s not forget we got Kitty Aldridge and Ben Kingsley in this mess of a film that has a lot going on. Paxton halfway through his travels of trying to collect the money decides to help protect the android and become friends with him as the droid is learning to be human. There is weird plane chase scenes, people who don’t believe in technology, and rich folk that are trying to protect artifacts of the past as they all converge in this post-apocalyptic film. The movie isn’t bad by any means but if it makes any sense at all it feels like they were shooting for this epic film that has a message and it just wasn’t executed to its fullest? Anyway still worth checking it out just to see Mark Hamill as bootleg Rutger Hauer and a fun Bill Paxton as usual as I give the film 2 stars.

Z-ero (DVD/YouTube) – A very choppy edit of an independent zombie film where zombies seem to be attacking people who are doing everyday things or just attacking them in a strip mall. Premise of the film seems to be a female zombie happens to be an alpha zombie who is able to talk and control other zombies until she has bitten her twin brother, another alpha? Supposedly she was an experiment of the government and he just happens to turn into ‘super zombie’ or Johnny. Johnny quickly becomes an overnight sensation as he saves humans from zombie attacks. Oh did I mention the alpha zombies wouldn’t exist if their father (scientist) wouldn’t have brought home his work and their mum was a whacked out prego meth head? This production clearly had the people to help out with everything but the execution was a whole other story as this movie fails to impress as I give 1 out of 4 stars.

Slash Dance (DVD) – Its 1989 and Tori likes being an undercover cop to catch the bad guys except her big boss Edison is too busy to care as he has higher political aspirations. With that being said the boss man wants her hidden so he allows her to go investigate a theater where women are disappearing as they are fresh off the bus and nobody to care they are missing. Edison doesn’t care what Tori does unless she can get him headlines but when the killings have hit the papers he wants in on the action. It is far from ‘Killer Workout’ or a ‘Death Spa’ but for weird people like that love those rando 80s horror films you gotta watch it at least once as I give it 2 stars.

Stoner Snakes (YouTube) – A 16 minute short film from MMH Productions some puppet and stuffed animal snakes eat some weed and have the munchies which means chopping down on some humans! When they ain’t feeding they crave more weed unless they are having a bad trip where zombies are trying to tear them a part. To be honest I don’t know if this was entertaining or not but hell you got me to watch so kudos to you as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

Targets (DVD) – I had heard about this film over the years but never quite tracked it down or found time to watch it until recently. Boris Karloff plays a character or an aging movie star named Byron who is retiring after his last flick “The Terror”, which they use the footage from throughout but bottom line Boris is playing himself with a different name. A young filmmaker Sammy finally gets his shot to direct a picture with Byron but Byron believes “it is a young man’s game” and that is why he won’t even read the script. Meanwhile we are introduced to a young man Bobby who crosses paths with Byron but the great actor doesn’t even know it? Bobby decides one morning after gathering some guns and bullets to kill his wife and mother and leaves a note that there will be more people shot before he is done. Then Bob finds a nice high fuel silo off the highway and begins to shoot innocent bystanders from there. Once authorities arrive he makes his way to the drive-in where Byron is about to make his last appearance and promote his latest film after a night of talking with Sammy. Once Bob climbs the screen the shooting begins again and the man who stops him is none other than Byron. It’s a weird combo of a film of retiring actor who becomes a hero and sniper who goes on a killing spree for unknown reasons (unless I miss that plot point). Boris Karloff is wonderful, the cinematography is excellent, and the slow burn effect of the sniper and who he is gonna kill next is perfect as I give this flick 3 ½ stars.

Black Circle (Blu-ray) – A 2019 film from Adrian Garcia Bogliano that is in Swedish I believe but has English subtitles and stars the great Christina Lindberg as Lena who plays a very important role. This story centers around two sisters Celeste and Isa who listen to an old self-help hypnosis album that is supposedly helping you relax. But from the first listen something very sinister is happening and causes the sisters to seek out the help from Lena Carlsson who recorded the album as a limited edition product that was an experiment. According to Lena an experiment that wasn’t meant for the world as it brings forth your double or doppelganger from the other side. This other you, follow you, and continue to suck life from you to survive in this new world and take over your existence. With the help of Lena they hope she is able to put them back together before the other them takes over? This film is all kinds of interesting, creepy, insane, and an excellent trippy experience into slow burn horror. With this Blu-ray from Synapse Films you get a CD soundtrack that will have fans absolutely delighted, commentary with Adrian Garcia Bogliano, trailer, a short film, behind the scenes of the film, and a great interview of Bogliano and Christina Lindberg. I can definitely see the younger horror crowd losing their shit over how good this movie is as I give the Blu-ray package 3 ½ out of 4 stars and found at www.synapse-films.com .  

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #581

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The Veil (DVD) – Didn’t hear much about this Jessica Alba and Thomas Jane flick which I believe is under the Blumhouse Pictures umbrella? Usually that is never good when it comes to some of these bigger budgeted horror flicks as this one involves a lone survivor of a suicide cult heads back to where it happened 25 years later with a film crew doing a documentary on it. Kind of boring and pretty much looked like a lot of the exorcism films that were flooding the genre at the time as I give it 1 star.

Dead Tone (DVD) – A 2007 horror film that was a part of the quick and forgettable “Flavor Flav’s Nite Tales” series… but let’s not get too ahead of ourselves. The story begins with a bunch of kids at a sleepover while the adults are partying decide to have fun by ‘crank calling people’. This is what was thought to be a fun event leads to a mysterious individual showing up to the home and rampaging through almost everyone with an ax! About a decade or so later the movie leads to a couple of college students heading to an “end of the semester” party and that means party games. The crank call game is called “75”, you got to keep whoever on the other line for 75 seconds and make them believe whatever you say is truly going on. Once again the murderer is back slaughtering college students to add to the body count while an old grizzled detective played by Rutger Hauer who was in on the original murders believes the cold case needs fresh eyes and answers as he investigates. Not original but a little spin on an old idea with a big body count and having Rutger Hauer makes this a pleasant surprise when looking for some horror titles you may not know about as I give the film 3 stars.

I Was A Teenage Zombie (DVD) – A low budget film that many don’t remember from 1987 aka “Atomic Thrill” but will most likely enjoy it if they see it now as it embodied what a Troma film was at the time and for some odd reason it isn’t a Troma flick. School buddies wanting weed for their spring high school dance screw up and kill their new drug supplier. So to cover it up they throw him into the river that has had a recent toxic spill. Thinking everything is good the small time drug lord is now a zombie and coming for revenge against the high schoolers. When they fail to capture or kill the zombie they come up with a better idea after one of their best friends die… Throw him into the river so they can fight a zombie with a zombie. Hilarious from beginning to end and would not be surprised that one of the companies is working on a Blu-ray release as I give it 3 stars?   

Blood Rush: DNA (DVD) – An uneventful 1998 film I believe was possibly an Aussie flick that got released in Japan? The whole point of the film is two groups of people competing in a four day event called “Adrenaline Fest” but also heard it called “Survival Fest” about halfway through the film. Anyhow these two groups of folks race over rough mountainous jungle terrain only to come face to face with a Power Rangers extra. The colorful oversized Luchador begins to quickly dispatch the competitors in this lame creature flick that I give a ½ stars too.

Beyond the Rising Moon (DVD) – Another unknown sci-fi film from the early 90s that has been rereleased under the title “Outerworld”. It’s the future of course and a woman cyborg who just happened to be the perfect creation has decided on its own to stop being a corporate spy and keep the secret info about a wrecked alien ship on another planet that several corporations would love to lay claim too. She is a product of corporate warfare and her handler has pushed the button to make her head explode in three days. Now it’s a race between the handler and the cyborg and her new companion who is just trying to make a few bucks to transport through space to find this ship. Think of a much lower budgeted and even less interesting version of “Johnny Mnemonic” but may have been released before it??? Either way I can only give this film 1 star.

Boris Karloff: The Man behind the Monster (Shudder) – A very in-depth look into the Hollywood life of an iconic figure who I believe his presence only has grown since his death many years ago and that is Boris Karloff. It just doesn’t just cover the usual suspect in “Frankenstein” but goes through his life and his thoughts of his legacy and how he reinvented himself so late into his career because he was that talented. Since I first could say this man’s name I am still finding films with him in it and respect him more and more with each passing day. This is a must watch for any type of horror movie and monster film fan and believe me if you never had an appreciation for Karloff before you will now as I give this documentary 4 stars.

The Found Footage Phenomenon (Shudder) – I am not a huge found footage film fan but this film interest me as they track down a lot of people involved with found footage films and do some great in-depth interviews. The formula, who made them, why so many suck out loud, and breaking down the technology that may have helped one or two along? Again not a fan of found footage stuff but this is a real interesting film for any independent filmmaker that is about to try bringing their project to life… Good stuff here and enjoyed this more than I thought I would as I give it 3 ½ stars.

X (DVD) – One of the most talked about horror films of 2022 and me of course being late to the party because I am busy watching everything else that nobody else pays attention too. We get a great opening 90 seconds that lets the viewer they could be in for a treat? Set in the late 70s (believe the movie clapper said 1979) where a small film crew heads to an unknown old farmhouse where they are renting it for their porn shoot. The plan is to give tasteful porn for the upcoming home video market. Things seem to go great and until the old people renting the place are horny and distant relatives of Leatherface! There is a lot of buildup and a good bit of dialogue (including a great inner discussion of doing porn and how it was looked upon at that time) but stick with it as the film does payoff. Nothing that is going to blow your doors off but a fun little twist to a story that has been told many ways over the years as I give it 3 stars. Lesson: always beware of lonely old creepy people!

Suburban Sasquatch (Blu-ray) – A cult status kind of S.O.V. flick from 2004 that has a pissed off Bigfoot fucking people up in small-town (Woodstown), Pa. Plain and simple Sasquatch goes on a killing spree and a reporter trying to get the story decides he must help out a Native American warrior to bring down the mystical creature. It is the responsibility of some tribes to always keep Sasquatch in check over hundreds of years. This horrible movie is downright hilarious between dialogue, the acting, but what does it for me is the absolute bad CGI that will make you laugh for days. I understand why this film is gaining the cult status it has and this new Blu-ray has all the extras independent fans have wanted and will enjoy as I give this fun film 3 stars. The only thing I didn’t get was how in the hell this film go 100 minutes?

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #577

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Island of Blood (DVD) – Before we get into this lesser known slasher film/thriller from 1982 some of you might know this as “Scared Alive” or even it’s more popular alternate title “Whodunit” which is available on YouTube for free. Anyway we have a film about a film crew heading out to an island (stars Rick Dean and Steven Tash) where they are going to film a low budget horror movie. Most of who are involved are just trying to expand their resume but little they know is this film wastes no time offing its characters in a quick bloody manner. The unknown killer uses music to determine the death of their victim along with its little twist ending which makes this a must see for fans of the 80s slasher genre as I give it 2 stars.

Carver (DVD) – An unknown low budget Halloween horror film from 2015 about two kids who are bullied and go missing on Halloween because of a dispute of a pumpkin carving contest. Eight years have passed and the kids aka bullies are seniors in high school and this Halloween they all receive an odd carved pumpkin on their front porch to send a message of things to come that night? As the friends get killed off in gory fashion during the major Halloween party the film goes to a very dark and creepy place after the reveal of who the killer is… Great story telling, solid acting, but this film is missing the right music? The film’s composer or whoever decided on this almost literally steals “Carpenter’s Halloween theme”? It’s like they had no choice in music choices for the film except almost cross the line of just stealing the notes… This hurts this wonderful film overall as there are fun independent composers like a Matt Cannon or a more big budgeted Indy composer in Midnight Syndicate that would have sent this film from an unknown to an independent Halloween themed film us horror fans are talking about with the likes of “The Barn”! Yep, I went there as I like this film but the music failed it as I only can give this movie 2 ½ stars.

The Black Phone (On Demand) – I enjoy being late to films and social media unless its “V.F.W.” remember who told you that film was bad ass but anyway I finally found myself watching this new Ethan Hawke (aka maybe the new Rutger Hauer?) film. The film is set in 1978 Denver, where a serial killer or kidnapper nicknamed the “Grabber” is grabbing kids under 18 years old over a several month period. Finney and his sister Gwen talk about it but don’t think about it too much until Finney’s best friend gets snatched and Gwen has a dream about where the kid might be? From there it isn’t too long before Finney is grabbed by the “Grabber” who wears several faces and keeps him in a soundproof basement. The “Grabber” is fascinated by Finney as he doesn’t play the games with him the other victims did as Finney begins to talk into a disconnected black phone where it is the past victims trying to help? I honestly wasn’t expecting much from this flick after watching the trailer and seeing what others have said but I got to say I was pleasantly surprised with this horror/thriller and definitely give it my approval to all of yinz to give it a watch as I give it 3 stars.

Prison of the Psychotic Damned (DVD) – I must apologize to my neighbor Nathan for watching this with me over some beers that help make this paranormal Indy film any better. A group of ghost hunters investigate a supposedly haunted train terminal that was so horrible it makes me feel bad for the bad things I have said about “Grave Encounters”? I give it 0 stars and no the huge naked breasts at the beginning of the film don’t make up for the crap you threw in front of the cameras.

Evil Dead Trap (Blu-ray) – Excuse me as I reach deep into the Asian-cult horror film culture with this flick that I remember seeing once and only time on a bootleg tape in the mid-90s. A Japanese horror film from 1988 that gained a rep of a “must-see” horror flick through tape traders and bootlegs throughout the 90s. It is centered on a TV reporter Nami, as she has received a tape or more specific a possible snuff tape from a superfan? Nami makes a case she wants to investigate if this is actually real and her research takes her and a small crew to an abandoned air base. Nami’s ‘Late Show’ is struggling in the ratings recently and something like this would for sure put her back on top! The crew believes this is a fun idea until they run into someone with a split personality and brutally kills them one by one in this crazy, gory, over the top horror film that finds a way to go even beyond insanity with its ending. Honestly I can tell you the Blu-ray transfer isn’t too much different from the bootleg I seen as many others a couple decades ago did too but something tells me there wasn’t much source material to grab from? But there is three different commentaries in this package and a few interview tidbits that the cult following this film has will find pleasing as I give it 3 stars.

Avengers Grimm: Time Wars (DVD) – By some chance you wonder if I still watch some dumb ass shit, this is proof as I give this nothing as I feel like Asylum Entertainment should be paying me at this point?

Crosstalk (DVD) – In case “Demon Seed” among many others of the late 70s and early 80s computer horror films were not enough for you there is this Australian flick where the “i500” does everything and is about to go public, maybe? Ed is the main dude behind the i500 and finds a malfunction as the computer can control everything but things change after the computer causes a horrible accident for Ed that puts him in a wheelchair. Working from home on the new i500 and pressure from the company Ed is trying to figure out the malfunction but meanwhile the computer is learning and spying all who are around as both the i500 prototype and Ed are being pushed out by the company… I can only give this Aussie flick 1 star as it seemed restrained most of the time.

The Halloween Store Zombie Wedding Movie (DVD) – I absolutely love the concept and story is okay but the filmmakers failed with having full reign in a Halloween Spirit Store as the backdrop for most of their film as it also claims to have a $100,000 budget? Someone took the money and ran! Just in case you were curious an urban legend called “Ole Jeremiah” comes to haunt the store on Halloween night and traps a few employees, a soon-to-be-wed couple, and a fake paranormal dude cause he wants revenge for something that happened over a hundred years ago. Again I go back to you have full reign of a Halloween store for a horror movie and you give me some kind of half-ass carbon copy of “The Clerks” with more of a love story feel… Someone got robbed here and it wasn’t just the people who watched this film (me and about five other people) but filmmakers you should know better: Use what you got and neglect what you have as this film had potential but just makes me want to wait for the 50% sale at the Spirit stores a couple days before Halloween as I give it 0 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

One year anniversary passes what am I doing now!

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Hey people November 12th came and gone… Why is that date so important to me? Well one year ago I was sitting in an ER where I believe my lord Rutger Hauer allowed me to see Anthrax in concert in the afterlife. All jokes aside after all the tests, the scares of a pacemaker, etc., found out I literally burned out the human body. (Yes, it is possible I did it.) The point is to this post that just the mere reason a lot of people helped last year with a GoFundMe page that was put together by my neighbor Nathan William and my brother Tom Gross. Again I can never say enough how much that meant to me to all the people who went in on it and know everyone who did. To this day there is still a list of people I never got to see or know who contributed. TO ALL OF YOU I JUST WANT TO SAY THANK YINZ! To celebrate this today I head to a couple locations to film yet another part of “Pink Eye: The Horror Story” segment for Dan and I’s upcoming film that we are shooting for Fall of 2022, “Tales From the Gross Side”.   Not a day passes I do not think about how quickly and how much people came together to help and again “TO ALL OF YOU I JUST WANT TO SAY THANK YINZ!

P.S. I plan on living to the ripe old age of 197 where I am in a wheelchair and have Yuengling forced into me by I.V.

God bless our lord Rutger Hauer as Bloodbaths and Boomsticks drops another show!

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This week Tim is off because he is a god fearing man who celebrates the resurrection of our lord and savior Rutger Hauer but Kyle, John, and our returning guest Patricia are godless heathens who bow to no deity.  On this show we talk about our first movie chosen by Kyle has to do with a rebel high school girl looking to thwart an active school shooting in RUN HIDE FIGHT.  The John pulls out a really good drive in movie gem from the 1970’s in THE SEVERED ARM.  And finally Patricia talks about a zany suburban mom that likes 3 things.  Birds, Herschel Gordon Lewis movies, and serial slayings in SERIAL MOM.  We also chat about those cool prizes we used to get in cereal boxes, what we have been watching, disappointing flicks Kyle remembers from the 90’s.  John’s long marathons watch of all 16 Witchcraft movies. And we answer all your listener questions.  So download this episode or we will throw dog hair all over your collection of wacky wall crawlers.

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We finally release all our weekly podcasts we been doing (hahaha)

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This week we talk about another 3 genre flicks.  The first being THE STEPFATHER,  a classic that Kyle has never seen even though it stars Jill Schoelin his #1 scream queen.  Then we talk about a really weird whack-a-doo police story/serial killer flick in SLAUGHTER OF THE INNOCENTS.  And finally we chat up a Netflix based quasi found footage movie in DEMONIC.  We answer your questions and read all the news that went down during the week.  So, download this episode and make old Scott Glenn happy.

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This week we are talking about 3 more flicks unearthed from the dusty aisles of the video store.  First we have a sequel of an all time horror jam in THE STEPFATHER 2.  Directed by our good buddy Jeff Burr.  Then we go to the roller derby in the excellent UNHOLY ROLLERS.  And finally we cover a truly oddball film in which Squiggy from Laverne & Shirley dresses as a clown, climbs a tower, and goes on a shooting rampage at an amusement park in the “comedy” FUNLAND.  We also read all the news that was fit to print (or make up) this week.  And as always we answer all your listener questions.

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This week we have 3 more flicks to bend your mind.  First we have Nazis invading a keep only to find a kick ass monster in another Scott Glenn jam in THE KEEP.  Then we cover Kyle’s all time Schwarzenegger flick in THE RUNNING MAN.  And lastly we have a weird giallo flick from the director of Cannibal Holocaust that stars all-time great Donald Pleasence in PHANTOM OF DEATH.  Along the way we talk about some new news things and as always we answer all your listener questions.  So be like Captain Freedom and download this episode.

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This time around we have yet another 3 flicks to split your wig.  First we watch a truly bizarre flick featuring puppets, Coleco-Vision, public sex, liquor sandwiches, and phantasm spheres in NIGHTMARE WEEKEND.  Next we talk about zombie animals in ZOOMBIES 2.  And lastly we cover a live action adaptation of a very popular anime series in FIST OF THE NORTH STAR.  And as always we chat over the news and read your listener questions.  So, download this episode or Big Van Vader will beat you up and take your lunch money.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

This week we hand pick another 3 flicks out of the dustbin of the internet for review.  First we try really hard for Tim to get into the trailer bark boys, but ultimately Tim fucks it up as we talk about TRAILER PARK BOYS: COUNTDOWN TO LIQUOR DAY.  Then we talk of a tale of witches in the woods in EYES OF FIRE.  And lastly Kyle’s Dad (Roy Schneider) flips helicopters in BLUE THUNDER.  And as we do every week we talk about all the newest news and answer your listener questions.  So download this episode and get a physics lesson on the proper way to do sweet loop-de-loops in helicopters.

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 This week it is with heave hearts we do the show because we lost a true legend.   As Tim always says “The Man, The Myth, The Legend” Rutger Hauer has passed on.  So we honor the man by reviewing 4 of his flicks.  First we have the very nekkid Jennifer Jason Lee and Rutger Hauer storming’ castles and fucking everywhere in the Paul Veerhoven directed FLESH AND BLOOD.   Then we have a spy thriller starring everyone including Craig T. Nelson’s porn stache in THE OSTERMAN WEEKEND.  Then we have a pile of straight to video garbage in TURBULENCE 3: HEAVY METAL.  And bringing up the rear we have the Canadian grindhouse influenced HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN.  So join us in honoring the legend that was Rutger Hauer.

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This week Tim starts his 3 week suspension handed down from Karen the head of podcasting H.R.  so Kyle and John fall back on a familiar topic… BONER JAMZ!!!  First we have a flick neither one of us has seen in SPLITZ from 1987.  Then we move on to an out of the box kinda boner jam in GHOULIES 3: GHOULIES GO TO COLLEGE (HEY!  It’s got boobs, college shenanigans, and gross out humor so it counts as a boner jam in my book)  And lastly a real hum dinger in the movie that has to have the most hair gel ever used in a production in VALET GIRLS.  Also we cover the news and we read all of your viewer mail.  So download the episode or CBGB’s will shut down… oh wait!

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This week Tim serves his 2nd week of forced podcast suspension but Kyle and john are here to pick up the slack with a couple fine flicks you may have missed over the last few years.  First the hostage based cannibal splatter movie GRAVY from 2015.  Then we chat about MA starring the fantastic Octavia Spencer.  And as always we answer your questions and cover all the news that was fit to print.  So, download this episode or this podcast will eat you.  #FreeTimGross

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