Category Archives: Websites

Gross Movie Reviews #655

0
Posted on by

Seven Cemeteries (On Demand) – Stars Danny Trejo as Santana, a man wrongly accused of murder then jailed for a few decades has finally gotten released. His first stop out of prison is to show up at a ranch that has been under attack by a druglord who intends to use it for the drug trade because its location on the border. Within minutes Santana is gunned down by the local sheriff but saved by a witch who wants to help him since he is a good man. He is given the power to bring back the dead in order to help this woman save her ranch! Santana collects his gang of undead and begin the fight of their lives to do the right thing in this bloody battle with a druglord. The film is cheesy, hilarious, and super entertaining as I give it 3 stars.

The Block Island Sound (4K Ultra HD) – A 2020 film from the McManus Brothers that I never heard of but begins to tell the story of dead fish washing up on shore of a coastal town and birds falling dead out of the sky. These things seem to be causing some issues with Harry’s father that he is unaware of until his father disappears at sea one early morning. Besides Harry is having trouble dealing with his father alone since his mother’s death, his sister Audry has come into town as this immediately causes issues before the disappearance. A few days go by as the father washes up on shore dead but this isn’t enough for Harry as he travels out on the boat to the location where his father disappeared and finds out the real answer the hard way. This project feels like a slow burn ‘X-Files’ episode without FBI agents or similar to ‘Fire in the Sky’ film. The disc has quite a few extras concerning the McManus Brothers: commentary, family home movies, segments on effects, cast, and shooting a smaller budgeted film on the water as I give the package 3 out of 4 stars and can be found at www.synapsefilms.com .

The Nailgun Massacre (4K Ultra HD) – As Joe Bob Briggs would say “does it need a 4k version with all the bells and whistles? No, but you know Tim Gross is gonna get it at some point!” Anyway by some chance you have never had the pleasure? This is a story of a young woman who is brutally raped on a construction site by several men. Shortly after the tragic event someone dressed up with a motorcycle helmet on and armed with an air powered Nailgun nails people to trees, the road, to each other. Simple but very effective or penetrating story as the tagline suggests from R.I.P. Terry Lofton who I can actually consider a friend because of my love for the film and getting to meet him. This is a wonderful packed to the gills or full clip on the Nailgun full of extras involving Terry Lofton and the cast that includes a few commentaries and an old Q&A with Joe Bob Briggs. There is a Blu-ray and 4K disc in this set as I feel Terror Vision did an absolutely dam good job in putting together such a special package that Terry Lofton would be proud of as I give it 4 stars.

Mummy Shark (Fawesome) – A maybe intentional or unintentional horror film from Mark Polonia that concerns some explorers uncovering an ancient shark buried under the great pyramids. The archeological dig has disturbed the ancient being and it thirsts for blood. When the explorers are not trying to escape the great shark god look for Tim Hatch trying to get people to eat the Dollar General/Dollar Tree (Fast Bites) cheeseburgers most of the film that had me laughing so hard. (P.S. those cheap ass burgers are wonderful.) If that isn’t enough enjoy Mark Polonia grilling Vegan food in a CGI jungle. Leave it to Polonia to give Indy horror fans a hilarious take on if a Mummy Shark existed as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Camp Blood: Clown Shark (Fawesome) – Someday I have warned readers I will track down all the ‘Camp Blood’ movies just like I did with the ‘Witchcraft’ series and ongoing with the ‘Amityville’ series. But until then I settled to check out the Jeff Kirkendall and Mark Polonia venture that concerns a slasher with a clown shark?! Set at Camp Blackwood as a beautiful woman Jerry is chased down by the killer clown but turns the tables on him as she beheads him. Six months later the spirit of the killer clown takes over a random fish and turns it into a killer clown shark. Jerry has to return to the scene of the crime to put to rest her visions/nightmares of the killer clown that she once thought was dead. This movie was more entertaining than I thought it could be as I give 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Catnado “Tales of Feline Terror” (Fawesome) – Apparently a Donald Farmer presents project that has several different stories of people with this new natural disaster “Catnado” and the fallout that follows. I have quite enjoyed some of Donald Farmer’s work over the years but I didn’t find this funny or interesting that honestly if you don’t have Steve Rudzinski attached to something like this then you have gone about it all wrong as I give it 0 out of 4 stars.

Pandasaurus (Fawesome) – Beware horror fans if you are looking for a straight up monster flick as Mark Polonia goes for dry humor in this project and hits gold! A couple who own a struggling small town zoo claimed they found an egg to a new species of animal as they raise it as their own at the zoo. This new thing is called “Pandasaurus”. The couple believes it is harmless as they raised it as their pet and once it gotten bigger as an attraction for the zoo. But some others outside of the zoo feel this is a danger to society and needs to be studied by the government unlike their therapist played by Mark Polonia who believes the thing is a hoax and the couple is completely off their rocker! The Pandasaurus escapes and people start to disappear as I gotta give Mr. Polonia kudos for pulling off something a little different in this genre as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #654

2
Posted on by

Street Trash (Amazon/remake) – I totally forgot this was even happening because it’s just one of those films that are too much of a “cult hit” to be remade or not enough people know about the original? But I kept an open mind especially since the dude that gave us the weird ass flick ‘Fried Barry’ this just made me curious in general. Anyway, set in Cape Town, South Africa where the homeless are growing and trying to fight back. Apparently the plan from the mayor is to exterminate the homeless with drones! Which makes them even more dangerous is a scientist on the mayor’s payroll has figured out the formula for the “Viper” liquid that is turned into a gas for the drones to use on the homeless. The gas will melt the homeless with no chance of survival. But the homeless have a plan to fight back in this gooey mess of a remake and that is cool by me as I give the remake project 3 stars.

12 to Midnight (Xumo Play) – Think about the title for a minute and know that this flick stars Robert Bronzi aka bootleg Chuck Bronson! Oh by the way spoiler alert instead of a naked dude killing nurses it’s a werewolf slaughtering people and that includes Detective Toth’s wife. Daniel Roebuck, Sadie Katz, Tito Ortiz round out the cast as Toth isn’t dealing with the death of his wife well and thrown off the force. But Toth is quickly brought back in as the serial killer is piling up bodies that resemble the murder of his wife. Now Toth goes tracking down a werewolf and drug dealers for revenge. Its cheesy, not exactly making a lot of sense, but its bootleg Chuck Bronson vs. werewolf so I give it 2 ½ stars.

Operation Blood Hunt (On Demand) – This werewolf film takes place during WWII in the South Pacific. The Reverend is a supernatural expert who used to be Special Forces that is wanted by the military to travel to this island in the South Pacific to investigate why a group of marines have disappeared? He and his group have 48 hours but they are warned it might be the Japanese Imperial Army they run into? Besides many slaughtered bodies, The Reverend and others find gold as the real reason some of the military brass wanted professionals to go in. This movie was disappointing as the trailer made it out to be lots of WWII werewolf fun instead we got lots of filler with a disappointing concept and costumes as I give it 1 star.

Terror of the Master (Fawesome) – Found an early 1998 SOV flick from a young Jeff Kirkendall that involves a young local news reporter Drew Thompson who feels she hasn’t had her chance just yet. During this thriller girls go missing and recently Drew seen a girl at her second job who was kidnapped in the latest of the local disappearances. Drew being the investigator along with her sister go probing around town and find two bank robbers have a connection to the missing girls. Soon after Drew is kidnapped and Drew learns the criminals made a deal with a vampire to protect and feed it as he will turn them. It is a rough around the edges SOV flick but has a certain thriller charm that SOV fans will eat up as I give the film 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Amp House Massacre (Tubi) – A movie where if you are over the age of 25 you will hate the characters immediately and enjoy their deaths as they happen. But there is a point to this folks as the story centers around Mario Stillwell, a social media influencer who started as a no one in 2020 and now is the biggest thing out there in digital land. He comes up with the idea of buying a mansion for all his friends to feel safe to party and influence (yes, I hate myself for just saying that). They all move in and things are going great with the likes, subscribes, and money until Mario dies at the one year anniversary party that was being live streamed. One year after Mario’s death the influencers’ friendship is fractured as they believe they are stale and need to bring in new money to rebrand. Soon as the new face shows up the house is locked down as the influencers have their deepest secret revealed and die horribly one by one. Surprisingly the movie is watchable for the mere fact you are probably going to root for many if not all to die as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Halloweenight (DVD) – A 2009 Indy film where Mark Polonia directs, John Polonia wrote, Jon McBride did the music, and Brett Piper did the effects. If you are an Indy fan do you even need to know what it’s about? Because I wanted to see it soon as I seen all that! So some local college students (the oldest ones on film ever) decide to mess with Creepy Harold’s scarecrow as a prank before their big Halloween party. Crazy Harold doesn’t take to kindly to this event and swears revenge as he steals a heart, performs a ritual, and then places it in his beloved scarecrow. Now prepared Crazy Harold sends his evil scarecrow to wreck the big party for his revenge. Also check out the wicked ass skeleton thing the scarecrow becomes at the end of the film as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.  

Hallow Gate (Blu-ray) – Terror Vision reaches deep into the grab bag of Tim’s teenage video rentals of 1989 with this Halloween cheapie that was released in 1988 and they gave it the special treatment. We begin with a young boy Mark at his Halloween party bobbing for apples with friends where his father takes offense and almost drowns the boy. Mark swears his hatred for Halloween and has a run-in with a young lady as a gas station attendant. After the dust settles a judge believes it would be in the best interest for Mark to stay with Grandma as long as he is taking his meds instead of being in prison. Mark is quietly reading one evening until he doesn’t take his meds, kills Grandma, and then orders costumes for his party. Some kids are convinced to deliver the costumes who become trapped by Mark as he dresses up for each kill at the mansion. One of my favorite death scenes in the Ray Di Zazzo flick is the slow moving tractor scene as it’s so hilariously slow. There are a couple interviews, commentary, and Shocktail hour. Now they have the cleaned up print and the original on this disc which the cleaned up version looks great but seems to have some low volume issues at the beginning of the movie as I give the package 3 stars.

Vigilant (YouTube) – That damn Phil Brocklehurst has made another short film as he never stops working. This short deals with a man who hears a voice that says “kill”. Is it justice, a dream, or is it something more as this man feels criminals should be put to death? An interesting concept that felt like it could be fleshed out more with same effect but this filmmaker has a certain style that is effective and leaves us viewers wanting more as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Trivial (DVD) – Indy vet James L. Edwards brings something different in this feature as an online game show yet seen by the public is hosted by Laurel Edmonds is about to go live with its first episode that applies “Revenge… Torture… Murder… “, according to the show’s opening. She has a partner that helps her kidnap unknowing victims and places them on the show. The contestants give a right answer they have a chance to move on but if they give a wrong trivia answer they must be punished. And three wrong answers mean death in this sadistic game show. Laurel lives to torture and only she can be right in this gritty sadistic underground streaming game show. This can be an uncomfortable watch for some as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Talk to Me (Blu-ray) – An Australian horror film where a group of friends have found the new high as they have found a something that allows them to conjure spirits. It is believed to be a party trick for friends to post on social media apps but it is believed when Mia and friends hit up a party where the game happens. It consists the person to hold this hand that may or may not been cut off a psychic that allows the person holding hands to see into the other side. It’s all fun and games for Mia and friends until it hits home when Mia’s mother is one of the spirits that visits but when you are left holding hands too long they will take you over. Such as a young kid who begins to smash his head in because the spirits have him and this causes Mia to become obsessed with speaking to her mother and learning if she really committed suicide. This film has the creepiness of ‘Flatliners’ and ‘The Innkeepers’ as it does the whole conjuring spirit thing right as I give the project 3 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #653

0
Posted on by

Onyx the Fortuitous The Talisman of Souls (DVD) – This is an odd bird of a movie where the plot revolves around a fanboy character Marcus who still lives at home with mom (Barbara Crampton) and works at the local “Meat Mart”. But Marcus is really into this dude Bartok who worships Satan that has a contest of where five selected people get the chance to hang out in Bartok’s mansion. The five from all different walks of life all very into Bartok (Jeffrey Combs) the Great make it to the mansion for the ritual. The goal of this ritual is to bring forth the evil god Abaddon for immortality and Bartok to rule. But the five get curious and wonder what is really up with Bartok as they have odd dreams as they believe there is a prophecy about this event as not all Bartok can be true? Yeah the movie has a few flaws but we get Jeffrey Combs coming off as a doppelganger of Michael Ironside in ‘Turbo Kid’, Barbara Crampton being delightful as always, ghouls, monsters, and the vibe of this being some weird mid-90s fever dream I once had when I was 20. This movie might be odd but it was an absolute hoot to watch so give it a chance as I give it 4 stars.

The Stalking (Amazon) – Jeff Kirkendall and Mark Polonia keep it quick where small town America has a witch that casts a dark spell on the town near the Halloween holiday. Now the unsuspecting townsfolk are being attacked by killer sunflowers as I give it 2 stars as I felt there was more to this movie we never got to saw? Have to give these two credit for having a SOV movie going for that 50s drive-in or old horror host movie vibe.

Werewolf Santa (Tubi) – First this UK holiday flick had me at the title but second Joe Bob Briggs doing a narration or a little story telling at the beginning of the film to set it all up about Lucy and Christmas Eve was wonderful. Lucy runs a YouTube show about monster hunting that is viewed by many until she has caught Santa being bitten by a werewolf. Now Lucy wants to have Santa turned back before she has to kill Santa Claus. The film has its moments but feels choppy at best most times but I still gotta give it 2 ½ stars.

Frankie Freako (On Demand) – The guy known for ‘The Void’ and ‘Psycho Gorman’ decides to do a weird reboot of ‘Ghoulies’ if it was smashed together with ‘Cabbage Patch Kids’ with John Carl Buechler smiling somewhere. The film has a young married man Connor who is considered a square with his boring ass life until he sees a party line ad for Frankie Freako. You know one of those 1-900#s that he calls and suddenly Connor’s life is turned upside down after Frankie Freako and friends visit to party! But that is only half of the problem as the president from Frankie’s world has sent things to crossover to capture and bring them all back. Yes the film is fun and has the vibe of a failed 90s Saturday morning pilot for Nickelodeon but throughout the film there is just that little something missing to put it over the top for me. Even if I give it only 3 stars I do believe there will be others that enjoy this project more than I did but no matter what I do know John Carl Buechler would be proud knowing stuff like this exists!

The Bouncer (all streaming platforms) – A gritty, fast-paced action film that keeps it simple about Frank Sharp, a man with a past who is trying to hide in plain sight being a bouncer for the good money. Frank plans on paying for his mother’s hospital bills but it’s not ideal when you are a wanted man. Mr. Sharp doing what he believe is right even though he was warned to let it go makes a sharp turn into having life in constant hard mode as he rescues a young woman Sylvia from a mob boss Mr. Kane who has slapped her around. Frank quickly figure out this isn’t going to be easily forgotten and must stay hidden until he can plan an escape as Mr. Kane is an unforgiving Russian mob dude. This international project does a smart with its great use of locations, great casting, tight and exciting action scenes to keep it entertaining for all as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars. P.S. a reminder again not all cool action films need an overblown budget and star the Rock.

Santa Isn’t Real (Tubi) – It is Christmas time of course and Santa has come down the chimney to eat your holiday cookies and kill your ass or that is what happened to Nikki last Christmas Eve. Now spending almost a full year in a coma and its believed her near death experience was a suicide attempt she wakes to find friends wanting to take her away to a hidden cabin for fun, booze, and reconnecting. But Nikki is nervous rightfully so as she believes Santa is real and will kill all of them. The biggest problem with this holiday film is within five minutes of it starting you know everything that is going to happen including the ending with no holiday charm or anything. Expected fun holiday horror with a title like that but felt like Santa passed over this one as you should too this holiday season as I gotta give it a fat jolly zero stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Just in time for the holidays!

0
Posted on by

Infinite Santa 8000 (Blu-ray) – One of my favorite Indy releases over the years is an animated feature from two brilliant minded people Michael Neel and Greg Ansin. Funny thing is it has been about ten years since I first reviewed this masterpiece of cinema coming to DVD. Now finally getting the special edition treatment through a great company Synapse Films more people will get to witness the glorious movie that I have talked about for years. This is a mind-blowing post-apocalyptic animation set thousands of years into the future where Santa still thrives or now just survives looking for people who still have the Christmas spirit. We begin with a narration to catch up the viewer “of how we got here” as Cyborg Santa is about to ‘Thunderdome’ with another in order to win sacks of meat as food is scarce in this world. Yes folks, our future are super violent, robots have taken over earth, and Santa must fight to survive but he still lives in the North Pole! What keeps the jolly bastard going these days is a robot girl named Martha who when not training loves to hang out with Santa in his workshop and hear stories of Christmas past. But after a mysterious visitor one evening Martha is kidnapped from Santa’s Ranch and we are off to the races with complete chaos as Santa and his robotic reindeer jump into action to chase down an evil rabbit! Martha’s and our holiday hero discover this is only the beginning as a thing from the past Dr. Shockleton and her mutant army are on course to not only to rid the world of the Santa menace but to reshape the world into her own. For movie nerds out there let me break this down: imagine elements of the film Wizards, Adult Swim programming, scenes from the original Terminator and Mad Max films, and a character that is a straight up an old school Bond villain, and a soundtrack that feels like lost audio tracks from early Slayer mashed together into this beautiful piece of animation that in the end is all about the Christmas spirit! And what is even better is this is the director’s cut with extended and new scenes added including a little look into who Dr. Shockleton is after credits?! To me what makes this even more special is the short interviews with the voices of the cast so you get to see and hear who these talented people are, the original 13 part web series of this project, audio commentary from the dynamic duo themselves Michael Neel and Greg Ansin, music videos, plus more than anything this feature being on Blu-ray I believe makes everything in this feature pop and look even better than it ever did when watching it ten years ago on YouTube and such. This brilliant piece of holiday cinema will make a great addition to horror fans’ collections but also yearly holiday movie watching for years to come as my opinion has never changed giving it 4 out of 4 stars and now officially can be found at www.synapsefilms.com .    

Gross Movie Reviews #652

0
Posted on by

Space Sharks (On Demand) – In this Indy CGI-fest space debris falls to earth to have killer plants killing hikers in the mountains and a weird POV camera that is supposed to be a space shark stalking people. Not a whole lot happens in this 60 minute feature and that is without the long ass credits but besides you falling asleep there is of course a conspiracy about space sharks. Honestly, I was expecting more with a title like that but was very disappointed as this movie should give its cool title back as I give it 0 stars so consider yourself warned.

Crackcoon (Amazon) – Yes, admittedly I was a little critical of this recent Brad Twigg feature because I thought it missed the boat (Cocaine Bear)? Well thank Mr. Twigg for proving me wrong as the film opens with a quite fun death scene as super crack has hit the streets! This new strain of drugs is turning people into crazed killers so imagine when a couple drug dealers throw their stash out the window and a raccoon gets ahold of it. The drugged murder-crazed animal wastes no time going on a murderous rampage all over the mountain where it lived. Meanwhile a forest ranger who has no business being married to Jessa Flux just wants the small town sheriff to take these animal attacks serious. The story is outrageous, loved the cast (the Frankie character steals the film), hilarious kills, and special thanks to filmmaker Brad Twigg for restoring my faith that a good Indy movie can be made out of a terrible idea that was most likely said out loud when everybody was drunk… I give the film 3 out of 4 stars.

Death Streamer (Full Moon) – Charles Band is working his black magic again of going back to what made Full Moon, Full Moon? Small cast, great location, and an interesting horror story to be told as it worked in the early 90s and it has been working again here in the 2020s. With this new bloodsucker film has a vampire live streaming his feedings at an S&M club to select viewers. But to the vampire’s disgust some web show investigators called ‘Church of Chills’ stumble upon this unique and intriguing show. They want to know if the murders are staged or actually real to get the clicks, the interest in their show uncovering this hidden gem. Once they dive head first into the history of the club they find out a lot more than they bargain for. Saying it out loud it may sound like you have seen several versions of this plot already but do me a favor and let your guard down on this one. It’s worth the quick watch as Mr. Band is clearly establishing a new wave of Full Moon fun in Cleveland, Ohio as I give this film 3 out of 4 stars.

Monster Bash (Tubi) – I can always look forward to Asylum Entertainment making hot garbage from time to time that is so damn watchable as you had me at Michael Madsen is Dr. Frankenstein. The good doctor is sending his monster out into the night to collect things for a certain experiment he needs to perform as his life is coming to an end. His goal is to become a god among men or to become an unkillable abomination by collecting certain things from Dracula, Mummy, The Invisible Man, and Wolfman. This causes an unlikely team-up to stop the madman Dr. Frankenstein. The movie is so terrible its brilliant as you should grab the friends and beer and enjoy this for what it is and be happy it exists as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Glowzies (Tubi) – So a trio of mountain bikers happens to come upon an old mill building that has been fenced off for years. But the three unleash something that has been trapped for the past three decades until the government can decide a proper clean up but have forgotten about it. Doesn’t take long for glowy-eyed zombies attacking people but that is the least of the plotlines here as the material making everyone a zombie is an alien element that had the government decide to leave the survivors there after they try to mind swipe them? Or just have old dudes called ‘the watchdogs’ to scream at anyone “don’t go up there” that comes even remotely close to the location. What’s the solution for the zombies, how about surf music as it makes their heads explode which allows me to give the film 2 stars.

Blood and Breakfast (Vimeo) – This Indy feature from Mark Byrne has worked in the Indy genre for several years and his latest project is a clever concept that stars a few familiar Indy vets that fans will enjoy. Story centers on an old fashion bed and breakfast ‘The Amberson House’ where several strangers staying there happen to share stories and understand they have all been survivors of a serial killer. The strangers staying at the inn after sharing their stories are now being picked off one by one. The film feels like an old school horror tale to be told but at the same time the film from beginning to end felt like it was missing something I could never put my finger on that would put it over big as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

Chum (DVD) – Another Indy film project from Jason Graves where within a few years into the future the great white shark has gone extinct. But this hasn’t stopped scientists from engineering a new breed of shark to make a comeback. Of course learning nothing from ‘Jurassic Park’ the baby sharks get released and head off to chomp down on some humans in the closest small town. When describing the film or watching the trailer it looks fun but by the end you feel more annoyed than entertained by the baby rubber sharks as I give it 1 ½ stars.   

Festival of the Living Dead (Tubi) – So this horror movie exists in some weird space for horror fans as its main plot is the events of ‘Night of the Living Dead’ in 1968 were real. Now fast forward to present time a young woman ‘Ash’ who is the granddaughter of Ben has a chance to attend the 55th Festival of the Living Dead music event that celebrates those who died then. Ash’s bestie Iris decides to watch Ash’s brother so she can have a birthday of a lifetime but instead after her boyfriend wrecks the car taking a short cut the group quickly figure out there is flesh-eaters taking over! The day quickly becomes the worst birthday ever as Ash, Iris, and friends must survive the zombie attack before they nuke the event in order to control the outbreak. I give the film 3 stars as it is a solid story and I may not be a fan of the end or ending of a certain character I do feel this will be a tough watch for horror fans or more specifically NOTLD fans to give a fair viewing? Before you judge this flick let’s remember horror fans there is a project called “Children of the Living Dead” and someone thought it was a good idea to film new footage to the original 1968 film? So take this one in with a grain of salt and I will be here to discuss after viewing if needed.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #651

2
Posted on by

Blood Red River Bed (YouTube) – A slasher film of sorts from a first time filmmaker that its plot centers around a young man having issues with losing two friends along a river bed in a mysterious manner. There is a little bit of a sound issue at the beginning while establishing the two friends being killed but the issue fixes itself as the film is made to look gritty for effect. The young man against his better judgment goes with friends to party along this river bed where the legendary “Reaper” roams claiming victims on an all too regular basis. But as the friends are slaughtered around him the young man he must face his fear in order to survive the horror. A super solid no budget Indy flick that has a little filler in spots but still establishes being entertaining for fans of Indy horror as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Woodchipper Massacre (Blu-ray) – I took a chance on picking this special edition up from Terror Vision and they did not disappoint! Terror Vision claims this is a new transfer from the master tape? But if we as fans are being honest “there is only so much you can do to shine up a turd?” Meaning this SOV flick is always going to look like a SOV flick from the late 80s no matter what tech you throw at it. But that wasn’t why I got this amazing Blu-ray. For those of you who might not know or heard me screaming about this Jon McBride classic made for almost no money its plot has three kids of various ages who accidentally kill their aunt and cover it up. She rules them with an iron fist when father goes out of town but hey there is a woodchipper out back?! This is one of the more bloodless ‘massacre’ films I have ever watched but it is so much fun and it only gets better with the extras on this new special edition as it differs from the Camp Motion Pictures original DVD transfer… This edition has an excellent commentary done by Mark Polonia interviewing Jon McBride for one of two commentaries. The second belongs to the actress (Denice Edeal with Brad Henderson of Terror Vision of course) who was a teenager at the time of this film and some of her stories are just heartfelt and funny about the memories of working on the film. I will always have a soft spot in my heart for this SOV classic especially since it was McBride’s follow up to ‘Cannibal Campout’ as I say your collection is not complete unless you own this Blu-ray as I give it 4 out of 4 stars.

In a Violent Nature (Shudder) – Possibly one of the most talked about horror films of 2024 and possibly since ‘House of 1000 Corpses’ being released? Some of the reviews I have read or people I have talked too who seen this film is either “Love or hate”, there is no in-between and that is where I come in. A necklace is removed from a grave by a dumb twenty something just trying to impress his woman and because of this an undead dude rises from the grave to wander the woods for the first 27 minutes of the film. Or as I like to call this the remake of ‘Friday the 13th Part 6: Jason Lives’. Once or if you are able to get through establishing this undead forest legend wandering the woods the killing spree begins as it is swift and brutal. Part of me wonders if some of the kills were ‘Terrifier’ inspired. This slasher concept was quite intriguing and I was starting to understand why so many horror movie fans were calling this “movie of the year for 2024” until… the ending happened or I should say didn’t happen. We get an extra seven minutes of a survivor just sobbing, passing out, etc., in a truck or plainly nothing happens. I felt like it was a shitty ending for an interesting way of shooting a slasher film and that is why I can only give this horror feature 2 ½ stars. I will say I am very curious about the sequel of what direction it goes and how it is filmed?

Amityville: Where the Echo Lives (Amazon) – Well kids you can thank me later for checking out entry #64 that was in a few theaters for one weekend then went straight to Amazon the Tuesday after. A so-called paranormal investigator is investigating a house that has a connection to a missing murdered girl and a serial killer. Okay fuck this… let’s get to the point and my theory! This film comes off as a cheap documentary about a fictional paranormal investigator that has baggage. You are correct this has nothing to do with Amityville as many in the series do not. But my theory is someone (Lionsgate) noticed for the past several years many Indy filmmakers have been making a name and money on the title “Amityville” when major studios have long forgotten this series? Well time for them to cash in on unsuspecting horror movie fans who want to watch everything “Amityville” or people like me? Shame on yinz Lionsgate and Grindstone Entertainment because this wasn’t entertaining let alone deserved to be called hot garbage as I give it 0 stars as it was dumb and boring.

Unnatural (Vimeo) – A low budget horror western from Little Monster Entertainment and filmmaker Whit Whitman that stars genre vets Al Snow and John Wells. Al Snow plays the old raspy voiced cowboy who roams the old west searching for creatures because he is on a mission from God. Now stuck with his grandchildren after rescuing them from a werewolf attack he must allow them to travel with him to an odd town called ‘Possum Trot’. It is a quiet town but too quiet as Remington (Al Snow) wants to meet the sheriff full well knowing the sheriff is a vampire who made a deal with the town. Good vampire story, solid leads, great location and a horror film that horror fans should not overlook as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Now for a special guest announcement for Grossfest 2025!

0
Posted on by

This announcement should come as no surprise as this person has been one of our biggest supporters of Grossfest but also they are a local (Pittsburgh) talent with an exceptional personality that just stands out. They are not just a triple threat but a whole lot more as they are a writer, actor, and director, you name it this person has done it. We at Grossfest would like to introduce yinz all to the wonderful and always smiling Jason Burke!

Okay Grossfest fans we got the date, the hotel, the guests, and we will have the vendors so mark your calendars!

The Mummy and The Monkey

Mark Polonia

Jeff Kirkendall

Tim Hatch

Jessa Flux

Mel Heflin

Phil Herman

Steve Rudzinski

The official Grossfest tattoo artist and all around coolest horror movie fan ever to exist Angel O’Connor!

Special guest – Jason Burke

Grossfest August 1st & 2nd, 2025

Location:

Comfort Inn Conference Center

699 Rodi Road, Pittsburgh, PA, 15235

To book a hotel room for Grossfest 2025 you can use this link: https://www.choicehotels.com/reservations/groups/YB53X6

Tickets: $10 for one day. $15 for both days.

Vendor, movie, and tattoo room hours:

(Again no one under 18 will be allowed to get a tattoo so please don’t ask. Also you will need a Grossfest wristband in order to make your appointment with Angel the tattoo artist.)

August 1st, Friday 4-10pm

August 2nd, Saturday 11-7pm

(Movies and/or panels will be announced closer to the show)

Contact us with questions or vendor application questions at grossfest@gmail.com

For show info: www.grossfest.com or go to our Grossfest Facebook group or event page.Vendor tables are $100 each and come with two passes contact grossfest@gmail.com .  

Gross Movie Reviews #650

0
Posted on by

Salem’s Lot (Max/remake) – So apparently it was time to remake Tobe Hooper’s late 70s TV movie based on the Stephen King’s writing again… but wait first off why did this sit around as a finished film for a couple years and second did we really need an update after that TNT debacle in the early 2000s? Well, there really isn’t any good answer why this film sat around as other remakes of King’s work made it out there immediately. Now on the other thing I feel horror movie fans totally blanked out that this had been remade before but anyhow that is for another conversation. What this film did right was go back to having it set in the 70s of Jerusalem’s Lot as they gave it few little twists enough to make it different but in the same vein as the original. We get Barlow being creepy again, Ben Mears coming back to visit the small town for inspiration, but also we get a solid vampire film that comes under two hours. I was waiting for a shitshow instead you get something old horror fans like myself can show younger people and introduce them to a fun Stephen King movie adaption as I give it 3 stars.

Meth Gator (Tubi) – The movie didn’t start off wonderful as it didn’t believe in the “steadycam” mode for the first five minutes but don’t let that scare you off as Fred Olen Ray’s kid knew exactly what needed to be done. Anyway two meth makers are chased into the swamp of small town Florida to only drop their meth while being chased by cops. Of course it is eaten by a giant gator and we are off to the cliché race of the giant gator becoming an unstoppable human eating machine because it is seeking out more meth! Think ‘Jaws’ formula combined with ‘Cocaine Bear’. Hell even the mayor is a cool familiar face in Patrick Labyorteaux who plays a great dickhead mayor who could care less about the methed up gator. It is a solid horror film about a rampaging gator as I give it 3 stars. I do have to ask why the computerized gator runs like a bear, just an observation.

Shark Exorcist 2: Unholy Waters (DVD) – The legend Donald Farmer is back behind the camera with a who’s who in front for this crazy devil shark Indy horror film. Those damn crazy nuns go raising the devil shark again to have their blessing in killing everyone, meanwhile we also get a priest who is haunted by his brother’s past and knows he must stop this devil shark. While the darklord hunts for its next victim Jessa Flux just wants wine and be at a beach but not that shark beach? If we are being honest here this movie comes off as a mess compared to some of the more recent work that Farmer has done. It isn’t terrible but I can’t tell Indy fans that it’s good either as I got to give it 1 ½ stars.

Blood Mountain Massacre (Tubi) – Yes kids, I have tracked down another “massacre” title and this was a fun one. A dangerous inmate has escaped prison transport and now stalks an all-girl band on the road. To keep the film interesting the killer wears a pig mask, they introduce another possible stalker, the music is actually good, throw in a couple of scumbags that run a bar, some actual thought out cool kills on a low budget, and the movie is played for laughs and we get one hell of a messy but fun horror film. To explain how serious the movie is besides the party scene of a band member bringing out a cement bag of cocaine we get a bartender telling a story that has very quotable hilarious lines about why he wears an eye patch such as: “Her pussy blew up!” and “The bar was full of VAG shrapnel!” I literally laughed the rest of the way through the movie because of the bartender story as I give the film 3 stars.

The Legend of Crick Foot (Vimeo) – First time filmmaker Bone Jawnson takes a cue from the original ‘The Legend of Boggy Creek’ (maybe?) to come up with an urban Sasquatch legend in Hatfield, Pa. The documentary or mockumentary is about a man who is trying to gather as much info about this legend in Hatfield through stories and interviews. But mainly the man is only finding empty hot dog wrappers and a mystery of what exactly is going on. Entertaining no budget Indy take on the Boggy Creek thing that I can give 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Strange Darling (On Demand) – This serial killer film definitely lived up to its title of being “strange”. The film is the tragic story of many lives taken by a serial killer that spanned a two year period in the Northwest area of the U.S. It is told in six chapters out of order but if it was told in order the movie would have been a very boring concept. The killer spirals out of control after a weird kinky meeting between a man and a woman in a hotel room. That’s about the gist of this strange film because if I say anymore I will give it away and I rather you watch it and decide if this is for you as it just came off more weird than anything to me as I give it 2 stars. The biggest issue with this film will be the rewatchablity so good luck if you feel different.

Halloween Horror Tales (DVD) – A 2018 Indy anthology directed by Jeff Kirkendall that takes place in the small town of Barnum where strange things have always happened. First story is about a killer clown where the victim kills the wrong clown. The second story is a different take on a horror hostess bit. Third story is a no budget story about a killer plant that harkens back to some of the old school 50s flicks. The fourth and final story is about a vampire but the investigator not believing in the bloodsucker was actually kind of refreshing. All the stories were interesting, solid, and Kirkendall knew to keep this at a great running time that makes me encourage Indy fans to check this Halloween fright flick out as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

The Addams Family: Halloween Special (YouTube) – This 1977 TV movie on NBC was actually supposed to be a pilot to bring back the show as most of the regulars showed up to be presented in color. The Addams is celebrating their favorite time of the year Halloween, with a special celebration but of course some crooks come to steal the riches from the spooky family and fail horribly. John Astin and Carolyn Jones as Gomez and Morticia waste no time falling back into their hilarious characters and keep this pseudo pilot full of laughs keeping that old school magic from the original show. If you are a fan and never seen this it’s easy to find on the YouTube and the Tubi so enjoy as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Parasite Lady (Full Moon) – A more recent Chris Alexander Full Moon feature or sorts (43 minutes) is a tasteful artsy vampire film. A female vamp is not just seeking pleasure of the flesh but companionship as she tries to understand why she was turned into a bloodsucker in the first place. Visually it looks amazing but many vampire movie fans are going to find it tough getting through the artsy plot. Not into the artsy stuff you will wanna pass but if you are like me and wasn’t happy with some Alexander’s work you may find this a little more satisfying as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Nano Shark (Tubi) – Maybe one of the surprises of 2024 is this entertaining shark film from filmmaker Brett Kelly. New tech has allowed scientists to possibly shrink a shark down to almost nothing to enter a boy’s bloodstream to seek out and kill a rare blood disease. But… you guessed it a janitor has the tiny shark and the tiny sub injected into his backside by accident. Now it’s up to the military sub team to guide the shark out of his peen hole before it goes back to its original size! Think ‘Innerspace’ with a shark on no budget. Just when you thought the shark ideas were done this hilarious flick comes along and proves there was one more shark movie related idea out there as I give this 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Devil’s Knight (Vimeo) – A one-eyed stranger comes out of the woods to tell the story of “The Lost Blades” an elite group of monster hunters. During a two hundred year war in the realm of Veroka where nations fought this allowed monsters and creatures to thrive and now they terrorize humans in this realm. King Samuel tired of this nonsense hires these so-called monster hunters to put an end to the demon’s reign over his people. This man is the last of the group still searching for this horrific creature. Fantasy film with some cool effects, full of creatures, and a few big names makes this an interesting find for movie fans who are constantly searching the streaming sites for a solid film to watch as I give this 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

All you need to know about Grossfest 2025!

0
Posted on by

Okay Grossfest fans we got the date, the hotel, the guests, and we will have the vendors so mark your calendars!

The Mummy and The Monkey

Mark Polonia

Jeff Kirkendall

Tim Hatch

Jessa Flux

Mel Heflin

Phil Herman

Steve Rudzinski

The official Grossfest tattoo artist and all around coolest horror movie fan ever to exist Angel O’Connor!

Grossfest August 1st & 2nd, 2025

Location:

Comfort Inn Conference Center

699 Rodi Road, Pittsburgh, PA, 15235

To book a hotel room for Grossfest 2025 you can use this link: https://www.choicehotels.com/reservations/groups/YB53X6

Tickets: $10 for one day. $15 for both days.

Vendor, movie, and tattoo room hours:

(Again no one under 18 will be allowed to get a tattoo so please don’t ask. Also you will need a Grossfest wristband in order to make your appointment with Angel the tattoo artist.)

August 1st, Friday 4-10pm

August 2nd, Saturday 11-7pm

(Movies and/or panels will be announced closer to the show)

Contact us with questions or vendor application questions at grossfest@gmail.com

For show info: www.grossfest.com or go to our Grossfest Facebook group or event page.Vendor tables are $100 each and come with two passes.

We have one more Grossfest 2025 guest announcement for you!

0
Posted on by

So for our next guest announcement this writer, director, actor needs no introduction at all but we are going to give this awesome person one anyway! They are no stranger to Grossfest as they are quickly becoming famous for their wonderful film work that has spanned nearly twenty years, have been our friend for quite a long time, helps other filmmakers and actors locally along the way, has introduced a lot of Indy fans to other cool young filmmakers and actors, but you would undeniable know and enjoy them for their electric personality. This award winning filmmaker is known for movies such as: Everyone Must Die, Captain Z and The Terror of Leviathan, The Meowy series, Amityville Christmas Vacation, but what has gotten all the Indy folk in a crazy frenzy are the absolutely fun trilogy of Caroushell movies! It wouldn’t be Grossfest without him… the one… the only… cannot be duplicated only imitated… STEVE F’N RUDZINSKI!  

Grossfest August 1st & 2nd, 2025

Vendor, movie, and tattoo room hours:

August 1st, Friday 4-10pm

August 2nd, Saturday 11-7pm

Comfort Inn Conference Center

699 Rodi Road, Pittsburgh, PA, 15235