Category Archives: Gross Movie Reviews

Gross Movie Reviews inside look of a Saturday in October

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So when I am not writing reviews or working 55 to 60 hours a week at my real job to try pay bills this is an inside look of me on Saturday in October…

Of course you must start your day out right. Ran out of beer so this was the next option.

Of course you must start your day out right. Ran out of beer so this was the next option.

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My daughter waiting patiently for "Goosebumps" to start! Which was awesome horror fans!

My daughter waiting patiently for “Goosebumps” to start! Which was awesome horror fans!

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Me hanging out with my son watching the Pitt football for lunch and I found beer!

Hanging out with a cool reviewer named Mario Dominick at the Trick or Treat screening.

Hanging out with a cool reviewer named Mario Dominick at the Trick or Treat screening.

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Mario and the coolest grandma I have ever met in my life!

And... yeah this happened!

And… yeah this happened!

 

 

Is that Bootleg Tim Gross?

Is that Bootleg Tim Gross?

 

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Joe Bob doing the introduction to Trick or Treat

 

 

Gross Movie Reviews #360

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Gross Movie Reviews #360

 

By Tim Gross

 

Mongrel (VHS/DVD-R) – A 1982 thriller about people living at a boardinghouse where an old mean dog terrorizes a timid tenant that looks a lot like Jeffery Combs. One day one of the tenants teases the dog and the dog gets loose and attacks. After the dog is put down the timid tenant claims to hear strange noises at night (which sounds like me burping after guzzling a bottle of Yuengling). And tenants begin to die of strange vicious deaths. The film has its moments and also two things going for it: first, it’s Mitch Pileggi’s first film and second, there is a “Deep Throat” pinball game featured in a scene where tenants are drinking in a game room gossiping. Never heard much about the film before this but believe this will be a film I will revisit in the future as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

The Gallows (On Demand) – Another so-called “found footage” film that involves a high school drama class. Apparently, twenty years ago during a play called “The Gallows” a kid hangs himself when the play was being performed. After much speculation and begging by the drama class director they are doing the play again. But a kid that films everything has other plans and just happens to be best friends with the lead of the play also. Together with another friend learn the back door to the high school does not lock and break-in to destroy the set so they “The Gallows” play cannot go on the next night. Once in, strange things begin to happen while the camera rolls. Think “Grave Encounters” in a high school. There isn’t much to the film besides it being a cheap cash-in for Hollywood but again it raises the question for me… Who found this footage? Especially since it never made it out of the high school and if it did the person or persons that were a part of the deaths in the school would be arrested for the deaths. Oh no, I gave away the awesome plot! I give this uninteresting film 1 star.

 

Tremors 5: Bloodlines (DVD) – The film series that features blind giant man-eating worms and things called ass-blasters has been revived once more again featuring Michael Gross aka Burt Gummer. Gummer is now hanging out in the Nevada desert filming his survivalist internet show. It’s been years since Graboids have attacked or any new ones have popped up. But Gummer soon gets two visitors. The first is Jamie Kennedy who plays the role of crazy cameraman and fan of Gummer and second is a man from South Africa that proposes Mr. Gummer to come to South Africa to help them with their Graboid problem or I should say Ass-blaster problem. Gummer says, “If you got ass-blasters, you have Graboids.” From there Burt Gummer explains the evolution of Graboids not only for his new cameraman but for the viewers and catches everybody up on the evolution of the Graboids. Great stuff! But Gummer finds out the game has changed again in South Africa as the Graboids may have mutated one more time as their tentacles are able to detach and seek food but the Graboid is bigger and ass-blasters are not after heat as much anymore. Once Gummer understands he is being screwed over by a poacher and has a possible adult son it is time to find and destroy the nest of the mutated Graboids. Once again there isn’t a bad installment in this series that gets revived every few years or so and for great reason as the source material “Graboids” are fun to see and have been smartly written to keep audiences enjoying the evolution of them. I give the flick 3 stars.

 

Death Squad (DVD) – Rutger Hauer, Darryl Hannah, Stephen Baldwin, Danny Glover, and Michael Madsen and its set in 2046! With a title and cast like this the flick should be movie gold? NOT THIS PILE OF DOG SHIT! Somebody, somewhere overthought this futuristic film that didn’t get a big release and for good reason. Its 2046 and the government has broken down, there is war, Danny Glover has two computers from the late 90s, and zones where radiation has killed millions of people. What it comes down to is a secret mission has Baldwin’s character trying to find an old uplink to a satellite that could change the course of the war. Danny Glover just spends the whole movie in one room yelling at Baldwin. Rutger Hauer is one bad dude in charge of Darryl Hannah’s character and apparently has Michael Madsen on speed dial to go kill people double secretly. Got it? Good! Because it doesn’t make a lick a sense at times especially when Baldwin’s character meets a purple/red painted lady who may be real or may be from radiation poisoning to a person who has been in this infected zone too long without medicine. I love me some Rutger Hauer but someone fucked up royally on this flick as I give it a ½ star.

 

Storage 24 (DVD) – A not much known UK sci-fi/horror flick that of course involves a huge storage facility and a down spacecraft or debris nearby during a couple of friends who are trying to help a couple split up their stuff after a break-up. Soon power and computer outages cause the storage facility to go into lockdown where no one can leave and the storage company is trying to fix it while a soap opera unfolds inside. And… there is a bad ass looking alien chowing down on humans trapped inside. Before you say “I have seen this before”, give this film a chance as the film has great effects in the creature and the death scenes as buckets of blood and goo flow. But also the film keeps it simple and claustrophobic for a lot of the film so it never seems to drag. Horror fans this is a hidden gem worth seeking out and enjoying this creature feature as I give it 3 stars.

 

Lucy (DVD) – Need to waste 90 minutes watching a flick that won’t make you think this science fiction flick starring Scar Jo and Morgan Freeman is the go to film. Scar Jo’s character gets used as a drug mule for a new drug that could kill you or in Lucy’s case unlocks her brain. Lucy knows she could die soon but discovers as more of her brain is able to unlock she is becoming less human and control almost everything around her. But she also wants to pass the knowledge along to Morgan Freeman’s character who is studying the effects of unlocking the brain. The film isn’t bad or great but a fun time to waste 90 minutes and not have to think too much as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Area 51 (DVD) – Another ‘found footage’ film that features three friends who are going to break-in at the Area 51 facility and get proof that aliens exist. I always enjoy these types of movies that involve Area 51 mainly because I find the location interesting just like the Reed character. But Reed is searching it out for a whole different reason as three months ago he was a typical college-aged dude partying with friends and loses a bet where he must sing or rap karaoke. Lights go out and Reed disappears. His two buddies leave the party a few hours later and find a disorientated Reed wondering the highway. Now the past three months he has become obsessed with aliens and Area 51and his personality has completely changed. They find a way to break-in and find a whole lot more inside after being chased by the military. But with the camera falling into the desert and busted again I ask the question “Who found this footage?” I give the film 2 ½ stars not so much for the characters as much for the plot of the film of three people going to great lengths to find aliens in Area 51.

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The Slashening (DVD/Vimeo) – Five girlfriends are having a slumber party and the parents are out of town. Old friends just celebrating friendship as you have one straight out of rehab and another coming off a very bad relationship. This Brandon Bassham directed feature follows the formula of a “Slumber Party Massacre” and “Student Bodies”. As the five friends have boys show up and I learn new phrases like “coke pussy”, someone in a tater sack is slashing their way through dumb pizza dudes. If that wasn’t enough everyone confesses to banging Lucy’s boyfriend and the pizza is three hours late as the girls begin to disappear one by one by the hands of a tater sack killer. What the film lacks in effects more than makes up in talented actors, dialogue, and the filmmaker’s love for horror/comedies. Annum Films and Mr. Bassham get kudos from me for making a smart and hilarious horror/comedy on a shoestring budget! Many are made but very few worth viewing but also owning like this great feature. Picked up Troma and sold on amazon.com I have to give one of the better films of 2015 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Super Fuzz (YouTube/VHS) – Ernest Borgnine has a rookie partner who was presumed dead after a rocket exploded over a remote are the officer was at. But a red powder has given Officer David Speed super powers. Only one problem every time he sees red he loses his super powers. But that doesn’t stop this film being a prototype for the TV show “The Greatest American Hero” and being a staple for us old people in our young days of early 80s HBO. One scene after another has David stopping crime before it stops because of his super powers along with falling out of windows also. The film is a hilarious reminder of what played constantly on the early days of cable and what we all found amusing. If you remember it or never witnessed a man talk to a fish in a movie do yourself a favor and look this up now! I give it 3 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Midnight Syndicate gets a jump on the holiday season with their new creepy soundtrack!

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Midnight Syndicate gets a jump on the holiday season with their new creepy soundtrack!

 

By Tim Gross

 Christmas gathering

Midnight Syndicate no longer needs an introduction as for me they are a godsend for horror soundtracks. They meaning Edward Douglas and Gavin Goszka have made soundtracks a beautiful art form. They have taken soundtracks to a whole new level constantly with every new release and this new CD “Christmas: A Ghostly Gathering” is no different. As like before their creepy but elegant music is like a dream, an escape that has you the listener and your mind captured from the first note of “Christmas Overture” to the last note of their bonus track “Christmas at Midnight”. Midnight Syndicate’s music is able to take you too many places within seconds because the music is not just beautiful and perfect but mesmerizing. This latest CD not only gets the heart pumping for the Halloween season but makes even the darkest and deepest soulless individual excited for the Christmas season. I really enjoyed track three: Carol of the Bees and track seven: Up on the Rooftop. As usual I give Midnight Syndicate’s music 4 out of 4 stars. So do yourself a favor and start the shopping early at www.midnightsyndicate.com . You will not be disappointed and the horror friends you are shopping for won’t either!

Gross Movie Reviews #359

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Gross Movie Reviews #359

 

By Tim Gross

 

Marley’s Revenge: The Monster Movie (VHS/DVD-R) – A low budget not so fun mess is the best way to describe this oddity. Apparently some dumb rednecks of a coastal town keep track of drug dealers and kill them. The rednecks mistaken two guys for drug dealers, they are actually trying to rescue relatives of the one from their native country… Details are scarce in this flick but what you need to know after a voodoo priest’s wife is killed by rednecks he brings the dead back to life and boring hilarity ensues if that is possible? I give the flick 2 stars.

 

Spasms (DVD) – Peter Fonda plays a parapsychologist who gets wrapped up in some zany snake cult in 1982. The movie doesn’t make a whole lot of sense but don’t let that stop you from witnessing a giant snake killing people on a college campus. And there is snake vision of course always an added bonus feature. I give the weird flick 2 stars.

 

The Boy (Chiller Channel/Theater) – An almost two hour set up of a man and his child living and trying to keep an old motel alive. Not much goes on there and not much business but a slow burn of watching a boy progress into a murderer is your thing? This is your movie. Not great, not horrible, just more disappointing for me as I thought there would be more to it after watching the trailers and Chiller Channel having a good track record. I give it 2 stars as I most likely will never revisit this flick.

 

Willow Creek (DVD) – So apparently Bobcat Goldthwait saw “Blair Witch Project” and decided he could use that movie concept for Bigfoot. Did it work… not really? I was into the couple being excited by trying to go to the original site of the Bigfoot footage that was captured in 1967 and trying to gather their own footage. But you lost me when yinz decided to set up a camera in a tent for 10 to 15 straight minutes pointing to the couple and just having sounds being made. Not giving away the ending to any that is interested but my “Blair Witch” reference most likely already has. It just seemed like another bad extended trailer for a “Paranormal Activity” movie? Bobcat I respect you dude but please go get into another “Police Academy” reunion movie sir. I give this flick 1 star.

 

Killer Party (Vimeo) – A group of filmmakers that go by the name “FuckYeah1990s” have made a short film and using a crowd funding website to possibly make the short into a feature length horror film. A masked skateboarder goes on a murderous rampage in a town where many hate skateboarders, make friends pay for Taco Bell, but they love their ‘Shaq Fu’ video game. I’m in! I laughed my ass off at the slaughter and enjoyed the humor of the short film. It reminded me of a younger Rick Fusselman and DSK-Productions and I could not get enough of those guys as I loved their independent films. So I give this project 3 out of 4 stars and wish the group lots of luck with the feature and hope to see it! More details go to: https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/killer-party-feature-film#/story

 

Atari: Game Over (DVD) – A fun nerdy documentary about what ever happened to the Atari 2600 console and why the game E.T. killed it… supposedly. Not too long ago this story popped up on all the social media sites about where Atari may have dumped all the returned and unbought E.T. games from the early 80s and all this hoopla about how it killed it. Sorry but if you were growing up in the 80s like I did this was interesting. I was an Atari kid and then Nintendo and it did seem like overnight Atari 2600 disappeared. This documentary explains what actually happened and why while documenting some video game nerds going around a desert dumping area digging up garbage looking for the games. Or just finding mercury-laced pigs! Great documentary and even entertaining if you were not a kid of the 80s as I give it 3 stars.

 

My Brother Has Bad Dreams (VHS/DVD-R) – The 1974 film is known to most fans as “Scream Bloody Murder” but don’t get it confused with the 1973 film of the same title which could explain the title change to begin with. But our little weird film is about a young man named Karl who you learn is mentally handicapped. This happened when he was a child and witnessed his father killing his mother. Now Karl tries to pass the time fishing and bathing naked at the lake while his sister tries to figure out bills. Now this isn’t when Karl is having weird dreams that affect him to start talking to a mannequin and calling it his mother in a Norman Bates kind of way! Creepy and weird in that after school 70s TV special kind of way until Karl loses complete touch with reality, snaps, kills his sister Anna and her new boyfriend as he believes it time for him to go on a road trip. The film has one of the more trippy and twisted endings that I have ever seen and not totally know what to make of it but give it credit it was different. I give the film 2 stars.

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Manos The Hands of Fate (Blu-ray) – Well Manos has finally got the special treatment from the fine folks at Synapse Films. Now if it was warranted or not is up for debate as many declare this film to be the “worst film ever made”. I am sure “Troll 2” fans will not agree but that never stopped many horror hosts from making fun of this 1966 cult film for many years on their late night programs. That aside Synapse and company go to great lengths of putting together the most complete package for fans of this very odd cultish movie. By some chance you have never witnessed this wreck, carnage of so-called movie it is about a family getting lost on the backroads of Texas. They finally pull over to a strange cabin to be greeted by an even stranger character named “The caretaker”. There is no phone, no mechanic, and no nothing except the caretaker telling the couple “the master” will be pleased to see them. Weird shit keeps happening outside but never seen and then you have long scenes of Manos’ wives fighting and blaming the caretaker for problems. But if possible once the master becomes a part of the film it just gets weird, a little boring, and not sure exactly what they were trying to do with the film. For me I was never a fan but never said it was horrible because believe me I have seen much worse shit that people call a film. If you are a DVD-extra nerd and enjoy tidbits about weird horror movies like I do then you will be beyond pleased with the package Synapse has put together. And amazed what they have done with the picture quality of the movie itself. Entertaining stuff for a cultish film worth putting on your next shopping list as I give the movie 1 star but the full package 3 out of 4 stars. You can find the Blu-ray at www.synapse-films.com .

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Mosquito (Blu-ray) – Thanks to Synapse Films for digging this low budget 1995 classic up! Alien aircraft crashes in the woods and a mosquito bites a dead alien. Poof! Giant mutated mosquitoes flying around the woods. We are introduced to this by a guy and his girlfriend hitting one on the road and it exploding to pieces. They limp the car to a motel and try to get it fixed meanwhile we are introduced to a bumbling park ranger trying to fog out the skeeters around the park. A dude who studies meteors and is searching the woods for the one that fell the other day. And Gunnar Hansen with a ponytail and two brothers who have missed their exit and now are lost in the middle of the woods. Soon all characters come together after a horrific night of giant mosquitoes killing all the campers in gory fashion. The survivors try to band together and save the world from mutating mosquitoes in this Gary Jones directed low-budget 50s inspired big bug flick. And it doesn’t hurt to Gunnar Hansen slicing and dicing mosquitoes with a big chainsaw! Synapse Films of course does their best in not only cleaning up the original film but giving fans a great documentary on the film and adding in a commentary and deleted scenes. I have always been a fan of this low budget monster bug movie and now seeing it 20 years later on Blu-ray may have improved the entertaining experience that much more as I am thankful for that. I give the movie 3 stars and the Blu-ray package 4 out of 4 stars. You can find the Blu-ray at www.synapse-films.com .

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

And do not forget to order your copy of Gross Movie Reviews: The Wrath of Gross at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-the-wrath-of-gross/paperback/product-21975934.html or pick up a copy at Cinema Wasteland October 2-4, 2015 as Out of Print Dan and myself will have a table there! Go to www.cinemawasteland.com for more details on the convention.

Its Coming… and this picture says it all my horror fiends!

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CW

 

Get your tickets now at: http://www.cinemawasteland.com/cinemashow/ticket.html

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Plus don’t forget Dan Boyd and myself will have a table and we will be selling out of print movies and copies of this:

Also we will have copies of my latest book:

Wrath of Gross color

 

Just look for us weirdos:

Thank you to Ken and Pam for allowing us be part of the coolest convention

us

Gross Movie Reviews #358

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Gross Movie Reviews #358

 

By Tim Gross

 

Dark Tower (VHS/DVD-R) – This 1987 snoozer also had a great poster like “Nomads” but also sucked out loud! The only thing going for this flick Michael Moriarty and I will watch anything that fucker shows up in just because… But anyway Mr. Moriarty plays a security adviser of a new building in Barcelona where people keep dying on a regular basis. It gets so bad they bring in a parapsychologist and Kevin McCarthy to perform an exorcism on the place. It seemed long when I watched it and not much happens till the end which isn’t enough to make me send out the 80s movie enthusiasts to look for it. I give the film 1 ½ stars and maybe should stay buried?

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Halloween Hell (DVD/Vimeo) – Some college somethings come upon an evil statue thing that seems left over from a Full Moon flick made in the 2000s. A demon comes out of it and murders all of them. Years pass and it now it resides on set of a new reality Halloween show hosted by Dracula aka Eric Roberts. He brings in young, hot contestants that are supposed to stay or live through the next 24 hours, on Halloween of course, in this room with this evil statue/genie/demon doll thing. Whoever lives wins $100,000! There is buildup with strip poker and conversation until the thing comes to life again and begins slaughtering all who are trapped in the room with it while Dracula and viewers watch. I like the story concept because ever since I seen the film “The Running Man” I knew some of that TV shit they ran in the movie would be real someday cause society today is fucked. Now saying that it is very rare an independent or mainstream film is able to pull it off (Note: “Series 7” most likely pulled it off the best). I give kudos to filmmaker Ed Hunt having the great character actor Eric Roberts in as Dracula. But what turned me off the most from the film maybe the animation of the evil doll/demon/genie thing. I think I rather have seen a Killjoy rip-off or some attempt at creature suit more often than relying on the animation for the demon. But hey it’s a Halloween film and I am sure it will find an audience as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

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Hellbilly (DVD/Vimeo) – Filmmaker Massimilano Cerchi has dug up his independent 2003 release and has unleashed it to the horror masses again. The film is a lean, mean, gruesome tale of a masked machete wielding maniac who is on a murder spree in the countryside. When he isn’t busy jamming to some tunes in his trailer our masked fiend is busy fighting and killing blind people, tattooed nuns, and a stupid asshole with an unplugged chainsaw! No one is safe in this film. I have to hand it to Mr. Cerchi, the film looks like a rough draft and not the final product but made the film entertaining and not boring at all. It’s like Mr. Cerchi had an idea of an independent slasher for the ADD generation? No character development or story to be told… or buildup. Here’s the killer… Here are the victims… Gore!!! Jamming to tunes in the trailer… Credits! The film gets in and out before people have had their second slice of pizza and sometimes that can be a good thing. Hey the Polonia Brothers also worked on the flick. For that I give this flick 2 ½ out of 4 stars. Go here for more information on getting your copy of the film: www.facebook.com/hellbillythemovie?fref=ts

 

The Barrens (DVD) – A father decides it is a good idea to take his family into the woods for some camping to help him bond with his teenage daughter and get her to except the whole family. Soon the father is having problems with other campers telling shitty campfire stories and a boy is hitting on his daughter when she is supposed to be having fun with the family. And there is this issue of him believing the Jersey Devil is out there and following them especially when they decide to leave the campground and go deeper into the woods. As he goes insane and his family fights and pleads with him to calm down bodies begin to pile up and the family finds out answers they or you the viewer are not exactly prepared for. A very good take on the Jersey Devil legend and a great story driven film that makes this lesser known 2012 release worth seeking out on Netflix, On Demand, amazon to add to your collection as I give the film 3 stars.

 

Violent Shit 2: Mother Hold My Hand (VHS/DVD-R) – An independent German gore film about a German dude who is interested in some horrible murders from the 60s, its killer (Karl the Butcher), and its copycats. So the person he is interviewing tells him the real story of the masked killer hacking his victims to pieces and his mother directing his rage. Fun and hokey direct-to-video gorehound stuff for the whole family. I give it 2 stars.

Vensus

Venus Fly Trap (DVD) – Massacre Video digs another independent forgotten gem from 1988 that involves punks, rich people, and perversion (a little bit). Three punks decide to rob a music store but become fascinated with a young rich/yuppie couple coming in and trying to steal stuff also. After some awkward dialogue the punks follow the rich couple to a small party where a lot more awkward dialogue happens, almost rape, drinking, a bad sex scene and then one of the yuppies are watching all on security cams. And that is when the blood and murder happen. It is a weirdo no-budget film that hardcore independent film fans will love to have a part of their collection. Thanks again Louis for finding these gems as I give the film 2 out of 4 stars and you can find more at www.massacrevideo.com .

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The Legend of Six Fingers (DVD) – Apparently there has been some random animal deaths in a small town recently where it interests two film students Andrew and Neil. They go interviewing the locals playing on the local sasquatch-like legend trying to make a documentary for film class. Once inspired by some of the stories they set out into the woods where they are eventually met with moving bushes, footprints, and an appearance of “Six-fingers”. After the great photos they captured from their first trip they choose to make a second trip thinking they will hit the big time if they can bring back more evidence of the local legend actually existing. Think amateur ghost hunting but for Sasquatch but in this case Six-fingers. I don’t know if you could exactly classify this film in the ‘found footage’ category as no one finds their footage but I can see why some would put it in the that category. But for me the film has that innocent/Boggy Creek feel and it doesn’t linger too long running time wise. I enjoyed the ending that actually fits the plot of the film and thought the cameos of Lynn Lowry and Debbie Rochon only helped the plot and not hinders it. And it never hurts when you can have the talented Gregory Lamberson as a producer. And now thanks to Camp Motion Pictures/Bloody Earth Films you can the DVD loaded with extras as I give the movie 2 ½ out 4 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

And do not forget to order your copy of Gross Movie Reviews: The Wrath of Gross at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-the-wrath-of-gross/paperback/product-21975934.html or pick up a copy at Cinema Wasteland October 2-4, 2015 as Out of Print Dan and myself will have a table there! Go to www.cinemawasteland.com for more details on the convention.

 

Gross Movie Reviews #357

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Gross Movie Reviews #357

 

By Tim Gross

 

Tombs of the Blind Dead (DVD) – It took me long enough to get around to watching these Spanish zombie flicks but it may have been for good reason as I watch and review all four… and it wasn’t that much fun. But in 1972 filmmaker Amando de Ossorio made a classic in some horror movie fans eyes about ancient knights in that were excommunicated by the church for being warlocks. Apparently hundreds of years these knights were into satanic rituals, cannibalism, etc. Well of course since then the village has been abandoned and no one likes to talk about how villagers went in there fucked all these knights up but the knights believed in immortality. Now people just stay away from the place on principal until a woman decides she jumps off a train and visits the place because she hates her boyfriend. Bells ring, the dead knights rise, death occurs. It also helps apparently when women are being raped in the cemetery also, but who knew? But why are they called the ‘blind dead’? Because when they were excommunicated they had their eyes burned out before death and now hunt or shamble by sound. And did I mention they may or may not have undead horses to track humans down. Interesting concept but boring at times, but this was one those horror flicks I felt I needed to witness no matter what as I give it 2 stars. The uncut version of the film is 15 minutes longer than the US cut and has some scenes even rearranged than the cut version which actually makes more sense for plot purposes in my opinion.

 

Return of the Blind Dead (DVD) – In 1973, Amando was at it again with the sequel that was named “Return of the Evil Dead” in the US and “Mark of the Devil 5” later on in some other countries. The uncut version runs five minutes longer but again the story stays the same about a legend of excommunicated knights that were murderous warlocks and had their eyes burned out. This time a small village nearby celebrates this so-called victory for many years until the dead knights are pissed and come back to slowly stalk the crowd and tear them to shreds. Like my good friend ‘Out of Print Dan’ said, “A remake of the first film just same result”. If it was possible this film maybe was a little more boring but still give it 2 stars.

 

The Ghost Galleon (DVD) – This time around in the third entry Amando thought they would spice up the story line with a legend of a ghost ship of the blind dead at sea. During a PR stunt for a modeling agency two models acting like their boat sucks come across the ghost ship and board it. When they disappear the modeling agency goes out to try to save them soon understand the legend is true: the blind dead are slow, kill humans by sound, afraid of fire, and will eventually fuck everyone up land, sea, or whatever! I give it 1 star.

 

Night of the Seagulls (DVD) – Fourth and last in the ‘Blind Dead’ series this time centers around a new couple who move in a small village on the coastline. Of course strange shit goes down at night like everyone dressed in black and tying up their young women to rocks so they can be a sacrifice for ‘The Blind Dead’. But it takes the couple most of the film to even understands they should have left the village even before the first reel got warm. When the couple saves one of the sacrifices, the villagers take off for ‘the blind dead’ to come in do their thing. I give the film 1 ½ stars.

 

Stung (On Demand) – A young woman is trying to keep her catering business afloat after her father who ran it had died recently. The young woman and her lone employee are hosting a party to hopefully drum up more business? Well the party doesn’t go well when mutated bees are disturbed and begin feasting on the people and in the process mutating again. It’s up to the young lady, her employee, and the mayor played by the man, the myth, the legend Lance Henriksen! Which by the way, Lance suffers a beautiful and gruesome death nears the end of the film. Killer mutant bees, lots of gruesome death, hilarious dialogue between the two leads, I’m all for it as I give this flick 3 stars.

 

The Channeler (VHS/DVD-R) – Add this to my quest of watching some awesomely bad fun horror flicks as another Dan Haggerty horror film is found. This time around some hikers stumble upon evil spirits in the Colorado Mountains where Grizzly Adams happens to live. But one person in the group of hikers actually knows all about the legends of evil spirits, disappearances, etc., and leads her friends into the madness anyway. Botched sex scenes, bad white people fighting, bad special effects, and a Grizzly Adams joke highlight this fun low budget mess that most normal or abnormal people never knew exists. I give the Grizzly Adams horror flick 2 stars.

 

Jurassic World (On Demand) – The newest in the remake/sequel/it’s not a sequel trend of popcorn summer movies brings back the dinosaurs on a rampage at an island. It’s been twenty years and a billionaire understands today’s generation is stupid and wants bigger, better, and instant gratification. So some scientists splice together some dinosaur DNA and poof AMUSEMENT PARK… again! It has a few nods to the original and I could not help myself being entertained by the fun summer action flick. But the real question for horror fans or just for my retarded self is: Where is my “Carnosaur” remake/reboot/newest sequel Mr. Roger Corman… I’m waiting? I give the flick 3 stars.

 

The Roller Blade Seven (VHS/DVD-R) – Apparently the “Rollerblade” movies by Donald Jackson are like Gremlins and multiply just knowing Tim Gross exists and wants to keep finding them to watch for no other reason to make his podcast buddy Kyle Poling moan and groan! The weird storyline of roller-skating oh excuse me, rollerblading nuns continues as Sister Sparrow has been abducted in the “Wheelzone” by a babbling, wheel chaired bound William Smith’s henchmen. A man is sent to the “Wheelzone” to find her and if he does he is promised a thong wearing, rollerblading, non-samurai sword wielding woman! There is no budget but apparently Mr. Jackson spent all his money on or became good friends with William Smith, Rhonda Shear, Karen Black, Frank Stallone, and Joe Estevez. And he was smart enough to use their footage for a must needed sequel of course. The movie can be quite boring and entertaining at the same time when you have Rhonda Shear as a law enforcement officer and William Smith incoherently babbling about skateboarding and samurais. Mr. Donald Jackson you may have died in the early 2000s but rest assured I will make sure people know about your awfulfantastic films! I give it 2 stars.

 

The Return of Roller Blade Seven (VHS/DVD-R) – The sequel which released a year later is mostly retread/flashbacks with maybe 40 minutes of new footage for the film. Here’s the film in a nutshell: topless women dancing to a bongo player, lots of desert dry humping, slow motion fights with two marauders, and Joe Estevez convinces everyone that all people who are on the ‘dark side’ are hotter looking! BRILLIANTLY BORING AND HILARIOUS AT THE SAME TIME. I give this sequel a ½ star. It’s like watching late night public access programming while drunk.

 

Roller Gator (VHS/DVD-R) – This seem to be the jumping off point for Mr. Donald Jackson as he understood digital video is much cheaper than shooting on film for his projects. Especially since most of this movie takes place in one night (filming wise) at a fair where Joe Estevez has lost his talking purple gator. A blonde beach girl stumbles upon the wondrous talking gator and becomes friends. But they soon are on the run from carnival cops and Uncle Chi Chi (Joe Estevez). The film wasn’t all my hopes and dreams that it could have been but it is entertaining to watch Joe Estevez work a crowd, on camera, at a fair, where most of the crowd looks like they don’t care about drunken Martin Sheen?! I give the film 1 ½ stars.

 

The Sea Serpent (VHS/DVD-R) – This 1984 Spanish creature feature was (Tombs of the Blind Dead Series) Amando de Ossorio’s last film. The military decides to drop a test atomic bomb into the sea which infects a sea creature with radiation. While this huge creature eats people and plastic models two people who have seen it spend 80% of the film proving it exists. Very cheesy flick and wouldn’t have been surprised if this flick made it onto MSTK3000? But thank you for your work Mr. Amando de Ossorio as I give it 1 ½ stars.

Morituris

Morituris (Blu-ray) – Synapse Films has found another off the wall horror film that should have gorehounds drooling over. The beginning of the film has some cool animation at the beginning to give a little back story of what is to come. The film is Italian film with English subtitles about three dudes and two women on a trip to a rave in the middle of the woods. Once alone in the woods the three guys really let their intentions known as they go from charming to torturous, abusive, sexually assaulting bastards. But there is a presence watching from afar at all times just waiting for the right moment. The two women find a way to get away in the dark woods and that is when the presence aka undead roman soldiers begin their hunt of the group. From there it’s just a tale of survival for the abused and the abusers. The film claims to be banned in Italy and fan favorite Sergio Stivaletti does the effects. A brutal and glorious horror film that will have horror movie fans talking about for years to come as I give the Eye-talian flick 3 out of 4 stars. The disc doesn’t really have anything to talk about extra wise but well worth the buy as you can purchase the Blu-ray at www.synapse-films.com .

Killer Rack

Killer Rack (DVD/Vimeo) – The talented Gregory Lamberson’s latest project about a woman (Jessica Zwolak) named Betty. Betty has small boobs and at her work place that just isn’t enough to get the promotion she has always wanted. On top of that her fellow workers make fun of her small chest and her so-called boyfriend never wants to be with Betty and her small boobs. Betty after seeing a weird commercial for plastic surgery, seeing her doctor (Lloyd Kaufmann), and having a nightmare that night about her small boobs she decides it is time for a change. She goes to see doctor/evil scientist/plastic surgeon Dr. Thulu (Debbie Rochon) about her problem. The surgery is a success and Betty cannot wait to show off her new boobs at work. She gets the promotion and respect immediately and goes to her boyfriend who finally wants to have sex. But Betty just wants to cuddle and eventually her boyfriend finds out the hard way the drawback of having a girlfriend with big boobs when his hand is eaten off. Betty doesn’t notice it right away and is not too upset by her boyfriend breaking up with her but every time she sleeps her boobs take her body for a walk so they may feast on unsuspecting horny people who cannot take their eyes off her boobs. I could not stop laughing while watching the movie whether it was the inside jokes (detectives Bartles and James, Evil Dead 2 reference, the pictures on Betty’s wall of her and her boyfriend), Lloyd Kaufmann’s office, or Debbie Rochon’s performance as Dr. Thulu. All those things keep the horror comedy “Killer Rack” going but I believe Jessica Zwolak casted as Betty made this horror comedy work out perfectly. Mr. Lamberson I believe this is the best horror comedy of 2015! Debbie, Lloyd, and Jessica were all awesome for this fun project and I thank Mr. Lamberson for putting it all together as I give the flick 4 out of 4 stars. For more info on the flick or where to see it, go to: www.facebook.com/KillerRack .

 

Lizard Man (DVD) – A somewhat boring flick about a kid who encounters a sea creature/bad rip-off of the Gillman 40 years ago. Now, he is a rich dude and has hired some armed militants to track it down and capture it. This way the billionaire can exploit the creature and prove to people it does exist. I give the independent film 2 stars.

 

Cheerleader Massacre 2 (DVD) – So I let this film sit on my shelf for a while before checking it out just because no one could answer me if this was really the sequel to the 2003 film aka Jim Wynorski’s “Slumber Party Massacre 4” aka “Cheerleader Massacre”. Well I got bored and went to the google machine and did two minutes of research and found out even though there is no connection to these films in theory it is considered a sequel to the 2003 film and was released by New Horizons Pictures. Which means it does have a connection… in theory. So “Slumber Party Massacre 5” slipped under the radar and for good reason. It sucked the life out of me and a good plot for either a SyFy Channel film or the next porn film starring Alexis Texas and Peter North. But moving on it is Cheerleader Camp again and the red and blue teams always go every summer until mini UFOs begin slaughtering one of the teams before they even arrive. Once people at the camp who haven’t been topless yet start disappearing people final worried they may have ripped off Tom Sellick and Gene Simmons 1986 “Runaway” flick when robot spiders start fucking people up. No Brinke Stevens, no driller killer, no flashbacks of all the films to kill time which adds up to this movie being dead on arrival and reason for it slipping under the radar or my bad movie radar in general as I give it 0 stars. Someone get Wynorski or Corman on the phone isn’t it time for a reboot? It’s all the rage these days.

 

Bloodmarsh Krackoon (DVD) – Mutated raccoons eating people in the Bronx and someone makes a Steven Seagal reference of getting a police badge also, I’m in! This independent film gets 3 stars just for understanding the humor in the Bronx accent and Seagal having a police badge!

 

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

And do not forget to order your copy of Gross Movie Reviews: The Wrath of Gross at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-the-wrath-of-gross/paperback/product-21975934.html or pick up a copy at Cinema Wasteland October 2-4, 2015 as Out of Print Dan and myself will have a table there! Go to www.cinemawasteland.com for more details on the convention.

Gross Movie Reviews #356

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Gross Movie Reviews #356

 

By Tim Gross

 Ghost%20Club%20Poster%20SM

The Ghost Club: Spirits Never Die (DVD/Vimeo) – The lower budget film stars William Forsythe as the caretaker of a haunted mansion (The Wilkensen Mansion) that has over a hundred years of hauntings. He has opened it up for some paranormal experts who have a TV show and are always on the prowl to investigate the next haunted place. Yes, it is influenced by “Ghost Hunters” and “Ghost Adventures” shows but what makes this flick a little different and interesting is the group of experts is not exactly sure they believe in ghosts. But their perspective changes quickly when the group begins to find actual proof of spirits. But the spirits are not happy they are there and begin to terrorize the group. Soon one or more members go missing, get possessed, and even get the shit beat out of them. Usually I am all about taking a huge steamy poo on these flicks because most are useless. But director Hank Blumenthal makes great use of William Forsythe and thrives with the story at hand where most fail! For that I give this flick 3 out of 4 stars. You find out more about the film at: http://www.michaelmailerfilms.com and watch it on Amazon Prime.

Bigfoot

Bigfoot the Movie (DVD) – This low budget flick is from filmmaker Jared Show who casts his Sasquatch film with Pittsburgh celebrities and “Pittsburgh Dad” himself Kurt Wootton. Kurt sets aside the character he is famous for to play one of the three main characters Chuck. The story centers around two of Ellwood City’s finest idiots Chuck and Dale who think they seen Bigfoot kill their friend. Eventually they involve the third main character Burl, an exterminator; to help them kill Sasquatch as no one in the small town believes them. While Bigfoot keeps decapitating the locals the only ones that seem to believe its Sasquatch is Chuck, Dale, and Burl as word has gotten out it is a bear or so it seems. Someone doesn’t want the truth to get out but the ‘three stooges’ want the creature dead. The film has quite a few laughs in it, has a great Burt Reynolds-style bar fight, and an amazing creature suit that makes the film well worth the watch no matter what your opinion is. The one thing that holds the film back is the ATV montage and the falling in love angle between Dale and the cute bartender about an hour in which stalls the laughs and the film in its tracks. But don’t let that stop you from enjoying a funny independent creature flick and one of the best Sasquatch costumes I have ever seen. I give the film 2 ½ out of 4 stars and can be found at www.jspictures.com or you can also check out www.bigfootthemovie.com .

 

Terminator: Genisys (Theater) – Oh the brilliant and horrible mess this film is… I love it in all its horrible mess of glory. Pretty much this time around when you watch the film you are asked to forget everything you know from past films… literally. As if you try to piece it all together it will make your head hurt. But this time around when Reese goes back to 1984 he is the one being saved by Sarah Connor and her bodyguard Arnold the Terminator who was sent back several years before that. It took a few movies but apparently Skynet got smarter (hahaha) and sent a Terminator back in time to kill Sarah Connor when she was like 8 years old… Huh? Exactly, so fuck it! You wanna see old ass Arnold fuck a lot of shit up and still be a bad ass Terminator? Bingo! You got it but remember don’t do hard drugs or drink too much while watching or you might think its 2017 and Skynet renamed itself. I give the mess 2 ½ stars.

 

Monkey Boy (VHS) – This British killer monkey movie had so much potential as it begins with a monkey experiment gone wrong that kills several people at The Jenner Clinic. But then it does its best to bore you to death or put you to asleep immediately as ‘Monkey Boy’ kills some kids’ parents in the countryside to play Crazy Eights with them. Go figure… I give it ½ a star.

 

Nomads (VHS/DVD-R) – Pierce Brosnan is anthropologist that has finally come back home from traveling all over the world but apparently some weird tribe spirits have followed him home. And now they embody some street punks that happen to be Adam Ant and Mary Woronov who haunt Pierce for most of the movie if you are able to follow this weirdo flick. The evil spirits are called Nomads in this non-exciting horror flick. I give the film 1 star.

 

The Believers (DVD) – This 1987 voodoo film has Martin Sheen and his kid watching his wife get electrocuted in the first five minutes of the film. It forces Martin Sheen to move across the United States to take up his practice as a doctor for cops who recently had to kill someone on duty. While Martin isn’t banging the holly hell out of his landlady his kid has been marked for sacrifice by some weird dude that was brought into the US to kill first borns so their fathers get rich, powerful, and live longer. The material the film is based on is a lot more interesting than the film itself but the film does have its moments. I give the flick 2 stars.

Blood

Blood on the Reel: The Guts behind Indie Horror (Google/DVD) – This latest project from Johnny Daggers is a documentary of sorts that shares interviews, stories, and trailers of many independent filmmakers. Mr. Daggers interviews too many to count filmmakers and film critics to tell their stories about how they got started, what influenced them, and their passion for the business. It takes you inside and also supports what a lot of these men and women do not think as a hobby as much of a dream come true and will do anything to keep making it a reality. Filmmakers such as Massimilano Cerchi, Glen Coburn, Mike O’Mahony, Craig Everett Earl give you the viewer, independent film enthusiast an inside look like never before. Of course Mr. Daggers makes himself the center of attention because it’s his project but he does a superb job of getting information out of these filmmakers that may have never been heard by a mainstream viewer. The film is an eye-opening experience even for an independent movie viewing vet like myself and gets me excited to see such a project feature so many great filmmakers the world has yet to know. I give Mr. Daggers’ well-made and well-cared for project 3 ½ out of 4 stars. You can find out more about the film at: www.sglentertainment.com and www.sglmoviestore.com

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

And do not forget to order your copy of Gross Movie Reviews: The Wrath of Gross at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-the-wrath-of-gross/paperback/product-21975934.html or pick up a copy at Cinema Wasteland October 2-4, 2015 as Out of Print Dan and myself will have a table there! Go to www.cinemawasteland.com for more details on the convention.

Gross Movie Reviews #355

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Gross Movie Reviews #355

 

By Tim Gross

 

Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Once again there is Sharknados! And they are falling on the whole East Coast and Finn must save many people again. But hey his girl Tara Reid is pregnant and about to burst but first thing is first we must have too many cameos to list and Finn must kill some CGI sharks! This is what the film boils down too: The Hoff and Finn in a space shuttle vs a Sharknado wall. Fun movie but I had a problem with this entry and it’s not so much the movie is bad but getting stale and the social media experiment is over. Oh, let’s not forget most of the sharks films that were on SyFy Channel the same week seem to try incorporate the same stale elements of the original “Sharknado” flick. I call this “overindulging” and believe there will be a price to pay when the fourth flick is released next year? Don’t get me wrong love the idea but I just think it has run its course now as I give it 2 stars even if “The Hoff” is Finn’s dad.

 

Outhouse (VHS) – Thanks to Rick Fusselman for getting this short film to me as it’s brilliant. One problem it was an investment film made for fun to help promote an engineering and computer design website. “Say again please?” After going through its websites on the box and google search I came across their website that looks like it hasn’t been touched in five years just like the movie. Summary: Imagine “The Deadly Spawn” are in the only outhouse in the woods, fucking amazing. But hey I want to see what else they made and nothing. Love the short film but this pisses me off that they refuse to revisit this greatness. I give it 4 out of 4 stars. And if you are bored start your search on google with spectrumvideo.com.

 

Sharktopus vs Whalewolf (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Casper Van Dien, movie made in Dominican Republic, and it’s a Roger Corman presents film, you knew I was watching. Unless you are drunk I do not believe your sober brain could handle how this movie exists. So get drunk and watch the chaos that I laughed the whole way through for the mere reason people think Casper Van Dien still has an acting career or could act? I give it 2 stars.

 

3-Headed Shark Attack (SyFy Channel/DVD) – It stars Danny Trejo and Rob Van Dam (in socks and sandals) for no apparent reason but those two were the only highlights of possibly the most boring film I ever had the displeasure of watching and I enjoy bad films. But this was a disappointment on all fronts except Rob Van Dam… Dude you are an awesome wrestler but you fucked up with the wardrobe as I give the flick 0 stars.

 

Lavalantula (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Oh the words could not describe how excited I was for this film existing. There were rumors of a “Police Academy” reunion… but nothing surfaced but then it happened late 2014 I heard there was a SyFy Channel movie that was going to involve as many “Police Academy” members as possible. Cinematic gold my friends! Now I am sure there was too many obstacles to call it a “Police Academy” reunion but just to have them in a movie where Guttenberg and others fight lava-spitting spiders, BRILLIANT! The film stars: Guttenberg, Michael Winslow, Leslie Easterbrook, Marion Ramsey, Patrick Renna, Nia Peeples, and the man, the myth, the legend, “Jagoff Massacre’s” own MICHAEL VARRATI. Guttenberg plays a washed up actor who has just walked off set driving home to be with his son. But then a volcanic eruption happens and causing devastation around Hollywood area and lava-spitting spiders come rolling out of the Santa Monica Mountains! Pure greatness happens as Guttenberg fights his way home and his wife Nia Peeples helps him get back to the city to rescue his son. Outside of “Sharknado” this one of the best SyFy Channel flicks in years. If anything I could see the cast being rounded up for another SyFy Channel flick… “Sharknado 4” anyone? I give it 3 stars and do yourself a favor and watched the greatness!

 

Fear Clinic (DVD) – Robert Englund plays Dr. Andover in a story about a doctor that has discovered a way to conquer fear. Not exactly a favorite among doctors with discoveries he keeps to himself and keeps a small clinic open to help people. Some time passes and a few of his patients including Fiona Dourif come back to visit because the visions, fears, dreams are coming back and need help. But Dr. Andover is unsure of himself after losing a patient he thought he made a breakthrough with. The movie caught me off guard as I was guessing it would be a huge shitfest of a horror flick. It wasn’t, as the horror film is kinda creepy and taps into the mind that this stuff could be ongoing today. Worth digging this newer gem up as I give it 3 stars.

 

Rush Week (VHS/DVD-R) – Its 1988, its Rush Week, so of course there is an unknown slasher out on campus killing all the coeds. Oh let’s not forget the lovely Kathleen Kinmont shows up long enough to get topless and die. But the movie wants you to believe there is several people that could be the killer but like most cool 80s slasher films you figured it out quickly. Especially when everyone in most of the movie talks about what happen a year ago but doesn’t talk about what happens a year ago. All in all it has the boobs, it has the blood, and it’s like a lesser known mixture of “Killer Party” meets “Pledge Night”. This was one of those films that fell through the cracks but I eventually found it and glad I did as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Body Slam (VHS/You Tube/DVD-R) – The mid-80s classic that captures what Rock-n-Wrestling was all about stars Dirk Benedict of “A-Team” fame is a personal manager Harry M. Smilak. But Harry is having tough times until he runs into Quick Ricky Roberts (Roddy Piper) who he thinks is a musical act but is then introduced to professional wrestling. Roberts and his tag team partner The Tonga Kid want to be The Cannibals for the titles but the Captain will not give them the time of day since they refused to sign with them. Funny shit ensues as Smilak also manages a band named “Kick” and has them play a benefit that goes horribly wrong. Once seeing the tag team he manages gets hurt Smilak wants out of the business until he has an idea to combine music and wrestling. The cast includes besides the great Roddy Piper and Dirk Benedict: Tanya Roberts, Captain Lou Albano, Charles Nelson Reilly, John Astin, Sam Fatu, Afa and Sika – The Samoans ( I love those guys back in the 80s), Kellie Martin, Classy Freddie Blassie, Ric Flair, and Bruno Sammartino. Great cast, cheesy story, a match made for film as I give it 4 stars.

 

The Suckling (VHS/DVD-R) – The movie was known to most as “Sewage Baby” but independent it used both titles when released. This 1989 release is based on the supposedly rantings of a young woman in 1973 that was sent to an asylum quickly after. Think a little “Street Trash” maybe a little “Slime City” fits right in with those cool flicks as a guy takes his girlfriend to a brothel that just happens to be an abortion clinic too. The girlfriend gets drugged and has an unwilling abortion and the fetus is flushed down the toilet. You know wholesome family entertainment. But anyway the fetus has toxic waste leak on it in the sewer and it quickly mutates into this monstrosity that takes over the brothel! It quickly massacres all who are in the brothel except its mother so it can shrink and go back in her vagina. I get so excited just knowing these types of crazy horror flicks exist and the reason why we need more Blu-ray! I give it 3 stars.

 

Assassination Games (DVD) – Jean-Claude Van Damme and Scott Adkins are two assassins after the same target. One is doing it for revenge and the other for money until they get screwed over and begin fighting every criminal in Romania. With the newer “Universal Soldier” films it has seem to breathe new life in Van Damme’s career and give another a career in Scott Adkins. The film is just another bad ass action film in the recent Van Damme library. I give the film 3 stars.

 

Conan the Barbarian (DVD/remake) – So I finally made myself watch this lackluster remake. Not that it is a bad film but it’s not good either as it tackles the retelling of the 1982 Arnold Schwarzenegger. For me at least the film comes off as a SyFy Channel fantasy film than a big block buster it was supposed to be. This time around Crom isn’t mentioned much and Conan fights a more of a sorcerer than a snake priest in James Earl Jones. I go back to why wasn’t Arnold involved and also this just exists kind of like the “Evil Dead” remake. It’s not good or bad but just exists and not very memorable. The movie seem more of a waste now more than ever as there has been a new Arnold “Conan” film announced so we will see what happens as I give this flick 1 ½ stars.

Rock

Rock N’ Roll Frankenstein (DVD) – Music agent Uncle Bernie and his nephew Frankie the scientist have an idea. The idea is to put together the next big rock star and Uncle Bernie would own everything. So Bernie sends out an old roadie and his buddies to dig up body parts from all the best rock stars. The only thing missing is the dick! The roadies fuck up and destroy Jim Morrison’s dick by accident and grab Liberace’s cock… cue all the politically incorrect gay jokes. Once the body parts are put together and “the King” is revived he isn’t all about singing the hits. But is coached along and starts to sing about his troubles: unnatural urges. The bigger the singer gets the more torn he is about his sexuality as his cock just wants dirty man butt as the dick eventually develops a voice. Meanwhile Uncle Bernie and Frankie constantly argue what is best for “the King”. An insanely fun politically incorrect horror flick that was able to combine elements of “Re-Animator, Hard Rock Zombies, and Rocky Horror Picture Show”. It is a gorefest to be sure and the band name and song “Unnatural Urges” are the two perfect words to explain Camp Motion Pictures latest DVD release but in a good way. The DVD has the usual extras of a commentary, behind the scenes, trailers but I believe horror fans will be happy knowing this hidden insanity of a horror gem has been restored to its original ratio. So gorehounds rejoice and start ordering as I give the film 3 ½ out of 4 stars. It can be found at: https://www.alternativecinema.com .

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

And do not forget to order your copy of Gross Movie Reviews: The Wrath of Gross at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-the-wrath-of-gross/paperback/product-21975934.html or pick up a copy at Cinema Wasteland October 2-4, 2015 as Out of Print Dan and myself will have a table there! Go to www.cinemawasteland.com for more details on the convention.

Episode 169… Horror Realm and beyond!

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This week Jon Cross boarded a mega bus, Joe Garcia boarded a plane, Kyle got into his car, Tim put us up in Pittsburgh, and his wife tried to kill us with food.  This is the Horror Realm show.  What we did, what we drank, where we went, who we saw, and who had the shortest shorts.  All will be revealed about this glorious trip to an even more glorious convention and the awesome team-up that shut Pittsburgh down.  And only one hawk had to die in the process.

 

http://www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

episode 169