Category Archives: Gross Movie Reviews

Gross Movie Reviews #391

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Gross Movie Reviews #391

 

The Gate II (VHS) – Very out of print and nowhere near as good as the first movie but follows the Terry character around in this sequel. The sequel was released a few years after the original (1987) but was supposedly filmed in early 1988 and was shelved for unknown reasons? The sequel picks up several months after the ending result of the first film. Terry’s dad is an unemployed airline pilot, his best friend moved because of the demons and all, and Terry still is not well liked in school. So to try and change his luck Terry breaks into his destroyed old friend’s house to call about some demons and such again… This time for good stuff! After some bullies and the hot school girl ruin the ritual Terry gets one of the demon minions and holds him hostage for his wishes to come true. Because of budget constraints??? There is only one demon/minion until the end of this flick. Terry dies saving his dad and hot school girl only to come back to life at his funeral. It’s a fun way to see how the story continues but this could have been a franchise about demons and such and I am still surprised there hasn’t been a remake. If you are a big fan of the first film, the sequel is worth tracking down just because of the Terry character otherwise you are not missing much as I give this 1 ½ stars.

 

The Funhouse Massacre (DVD) – So Robert Englund runs an asylum that is government funded but under the radar of the public in the middle of nowhere land. He has a reporter visiting that wants the low down on why this place exists or why they haven’t killed the insane serial killers they keep? Of course Englund’s character gives her the grand tour and their wonderful backstories. When he drops his guard the bootleg version of Harley Quinn/Batty Boop kills him and releases the inmates. The head of the six insane inmates is played by great bad dude Jere Burns who has a plan of taking over the local funhouse and carnival, locking it, and making it their playground! All who go to the local funhouse are now locked in and become victims of the insane serial killers. Some fun Halloween shit, some cool effects, and we get a great cast Clint Howard and Courtney Gains joining in on the fun. I give the flick 2 ½ stars.

 

Killjoy’s Psycho Circus (El Rey Network/DVD) – Now not all Full Moon stuff is for horror fans or the ‘Killjoy’ films for all horror films to be exact. But this franchise has a weird niche and keeps getting better with every entry especially with Trent Haaga being involved. Haaga may have not directed this entry but still stars as the head honcho himself “Killjoy”! After Killjoy escaped Hell in the last film he has been back on earth for a while. Killjoy has a weekly TV show but it’s in the pooper since Batty Boop left. In a sad attempt of trying to get people to tune back in Killjoy allows a bootleg Batty Boop (Robin Sydney aka Luanne) come on the show and do her thing. Meanwhile, apparently good old Satan is about to be ousted from hell if he doesn’t go after Killjoy and bring him back to hell. So Satan gets a spaceship, a hot girl, convinces Batty Boop (sort of) to go back to Killjoy to set up him for the capture. One problem in all this mess is Killjoy and Batty Boop has been on earth long enough that they are becoming more human and Batty wants a baby? A hilarious and weird film series that I will be always interested in as long as Trent Haaga is and for that I give it 3 stars. Note to you if you watch it: See if you catch the laser blast sounds and music lifted from “Flash Gordon”…

 

Poseidon Rex (DVD) – That dude from ‘Sleepwalkers’ is making a career out of these low budget creature features but anyway he plays a treasure hunter in this flick. Well his dumb ass just happens to blow up the bottom of the ocean (The Blue Hole, too easy to make comments) for some Spanish gold and POOF! There is a swimming T-Rex! And he is eating all the people swimming or boating in the ocean. Like I said, ‘Sleepwalkers’ dude… 1 star.

 

The Night Before Halloween (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Let me just start off saying quite a few people like this flick and me for some reason find it to be a pile dog crap but fuck it you go watch it! The night before Halloween a dark force comes to kill a teenager after a Halloween prank goes bad. Before his death he leaves a message to his friends that just covered up an accidental death/coma of one of their friends. A year passes and still haunted by the events the friends get a weird phone call from the coma patient, meet up, and find out it is some fucked up thing they need to do… Meaning they must scare someone into killing someone else to lift the curse? To me it was a mash up of ‘It Follows’ and ‘I Know What You Did Last Summer’ with less sex and Gordon’s fish stick outfits? I give this SyFy venture 1 ½ stars.

 

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (DVD) – A zombie film that not only snuck under most people’s radars but was an actual good zombie flick is about zombies in 1700s England! Sometime between 1700 and 1800 London goes all ‘Escape From New York’ and builds a wall around the city after a zombie outbreak happens. London builds an army to fight this menace and keep it in check. As it closes in on 1800 the problem is all but gone but still exists as people like to hide they may have been bitten. Great concept so far, then we have Brother Noopsie aka Charles Dance training his daughters to be not fine women but how to defend themselves against the zombie apocalypse. After attending a dance a few zombies show up only to be a sign of something bigger is coming? End of days… This was an absolute treat to get lost in as I give it 3 ½ stars.

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Dreaming Purple Neon (DVD) – Holy Fucking Shit! It’s another balls to walls horror film from Todd mother fucking Sheets! Todd Sheets has almost outlasted everyone in the independent horror scene. While Jon McBride and the Polonia Brothers were getting some mad press in the late 80s and early 90s with their shot-on-VHS classics the highly talented Todd Sheets was perfecting his craft until he blindsided the horror community with his project ‘Zombie Bloodbath’! Since then Todd Sheets has become a household name in the horror community for making some of the craziest ass over the top Indy horror films you could ever witness. And saying that with this latest project from Mr. Sheets he may have topped everything he has done? The film begins with some shady business/gangsters planning something and talking about the purple neon. Next thing we know they shoot a man in the office ask the receptionist to clean it up and she gets scared. So she goes to her best friend at a dentist office with these drugs and two guns. Now understand there fine folks this entire movie (95%) supposedly takes place in and down in the basement of a dentist office… On top of that we have a creepy old dude named Mr. Archer hanging out in the basement with naked people (hot women and non-hard penis hanging around like Christmas decorations) talking about a vessel. Which happens to be some teenager upstairs in the dentist chair that doesn’t know the business/gangster dudes have shown up and shut down the dentist office? Confessing but awesome a ritual takes place, a couple people die horrifically, some torture, a female demon is born, the main gangster dude gets castrated, more blood and guts, more naked people, and if the female demon Abby (I will call her) lives the apocalypse happens! And the purple neon drugs will make sense eventually. But wait there is more… Spoiler alert: no fucking lie, bootleg Gene Simmons shows up and kills a zombie while satanic Jesus is enjoying the falling black rain. Yep, my brain hurts just trying to recall the most unpredictable ending I ever watched and oh yeah I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. If there was something that stop me from giving it a perfect and it’s the 111 minute running time but hey I feel like an ass just for nit picking… So horror fans go do yourself a favor and go get this flick from www.zombiebloodbath.com or check out more about it at www.facebook.com/DreamingPurpleNeon .

 

In the Deep (DVD) – A shark flick that stars singer/actress Mandy Moore. Mandy just dumped by her guy is in Mexico with her younger sister trying to enjoy a vacation. On a whim Mandy and her sister go with a couple local guys on boating trip where Matthew Modine is the captain and you get in a shark cage to experience the great whites. Well the women get in, enjoy the sharks, then the cable breaks and they fall to the bottom of the ocean with not much air left. Now do they make it back to the surface or do they die down at the bottom from their air running out. A cool shark thriller well worth the watch as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

American Mary (DVD) – I was so giddy that I was able to get around and watch this little slick horror flick about Mary, a surgical student who is up to her ears in debt. Nowhere else to turn she goes to a go-go club fully knowing this is not what she wants to do. But someone gets injured, she is offered $5000 cash and no questions asked and next thing you she is a wanted girl in the underground surgical world. Mary goes to a surgical party with her peers and gets drug and raped. She changes her mind and begins to fall into the underground scene of body modification. Fun stuff folks and never hurts to see Katharine Isabelle in another horror flick. I give the film 3 stars.

 

Wedding Slashers (DVD) – Jenna is a girl who had a horrible past that she ran away from. Now, Jenna has friends and her man Alex, just asked to marry her. Problem, her past has caught back up to her and part of her past is her family believes in: Incest is best! Richard Lynch shows up for the last five minutes as Jenna’s father but Jenna and her fiancé must slice and dice their way out of trouble in order to get married. I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Halloween Spookies (YouTube) – An entertaining family friendly Halloween anthology special from the minds of Dustin Wayde Mills and all around cool horror dude Dave Parker. The fun Halloween film deals with a clown in the house, a guy being informed he’s dead, and if ‘The Gate’ was made by Dustin Wayde Mills. The three stories are surrounded by two evil witches making a brew that they are planning on using a little kid for the extra ingredient. All three stories are PG-fun and bring back memories of ‘Tales from the Darkside’ and ‘Monsters’ TV shows. The project isn’t too scary or bloody and actually a surprise to me how well it came out showing the range of both Mills and Parker. I give the fun Halloween project 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Gravy (DVD) – So the TV show ‘Psych’ is over, that didn’t stop James Roday from getting some of his old friends together to make an outrageous horror film. The outrageous horror film is about three demented people who are cannibals and every Halloween they find a dark bar/restaurant thing and lock it up and have fun with those inside. This year they pick a Mexican place that has a variety of characters where not everything goes to plan as the cannibals learn something about themselves. Once things go sideways the cannibals try to salvage the night and kill whose left. Super bloody, super funny and it stars Paul Rodriguez as the head of the restaurant. I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html

Hey yinz Jagoffs!

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Saturday, November 12 at 12 PM – 2 PM

Rickert & Beagle Books

3233 W Liberty Ave, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 15216

www.rickertandbeaglebooks.com

 

Details:

Hey yinz Jagoffs! We’ll be down at Rickert & Beagle books for an interview shoot for Jagoff Massacre 2. After the main shoot we’ll be interviewing fans for the movie. So come on down and hang with the cast and crew of Jagoff massacre! We’ll have copies of the original movie and t-shirts available as well as Tim Gross’s latest book! And don’t forget to support the store while you fawn over the celebs! See yinz dahn ere!

jagoff-massacre-2

Gross Movie Reviews #390

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Gross Movie Reviews #390

 

The Crooked Man (DVD/SyFy Channel) – During a sleepover a little girl is accused of killing her best friend. Now six years later she comes home from the hospital and the small town folks are not happy and neither is her former friends. Now six years older her friends are showing up murdered and the little girl is still blaming a dark figure called “The Crooked Man”. The only person that believes her is a mysterious private investigator who may have been the root cause years ago? The film stars Michael Jai White, Dina Meyer, and Amber Benson. Great cast, cool horror version of the nursey rhyme, and some pretty cool gore effects along the way as I give it 3 stars.

 

Day of Reckoning (DVD/SyFy Channel) – While fracking a big time gas company let loose an apocalypse! Demons rolled out of a crater and killed millions worldwide in a 24-hour period. 15 years have passed since then but there are crucial signs happening in the world saying the demons are coming back to finish what they started. Fun take on anti-fracking and it stars Barbara Crampton that’s enough for me to watch and give it two stars.

 

Stake Land II (DVD/SyFy Channel) – If you have trouble finding this vampire sequel it has been released under another title “The Stakelander”. Ten years have passed in the vamp-infested apocalypse. ‘The Mister’ moved on again into the wastelands/stake lands and Martin now has a wife and child in New Eden, Canada. But a new female vamp has organized not only vamps but humans who believe she is doing god’s work (The Brotherhood) and they have just killed Martin’s family. Now back on the road Martin enters the Stake Lands looking for ‘The Mister’ to find him, patch him up, and kill this female vamp leader! The sequel does a pretty good job in expanding the background of ‘The Mister’ but also continuing the storyline of the Martin and Mister characters. I enjoyed they brought in genre veteran Steven Williams for this bloody sequel and I still like the idea of vamps basically causing the apocalypse as I give this sequel 3 stars.

 

Shadows of the Dead (DVD/SyFy Channel) – Some high school kids decide to do an ‘Anti-prom’ at a remote cabin. A girl wonders off and finds herself become a vessel for a shadow creature. Friends try to get her help but their van crashes and they all end up in the hospital. After the funeral the friends find they have been marked with a weird bruise and now are being stalked by a dark creature that had taken over their friend in the woods. Only light can help them in this lackluster horror film that may help you find that fast forward button? I give the flick 1 ½ stars.

 

Blood Soaked (DVD) – The film’s intro on the back of the box is “Lesbians vs. Zombies”… Okay, cool I am in of course until I watched it. Piper has just made the transition to college and makes a great friend in Ashley, since her boyfriend is banging the other hot girl at the generic Wal-Mart. The two are driving back a long lonely desert road when they are run off by two Nazi loving sisters. The sisters kill Ashley because she is a lesbian, kidnap Piper, make Ashley a zombie, Piper kills her, and they keep Piper captive. The film seems to be missing that extra something and got boring at times, stick with “The Green Room” folks you’ll thank me later as I give this one star.

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Anton Rook: Scourge of the Vampire (DVD) – Anton Rook is an investigator of the strange and he needs to hire a new assistant. Rachel needing the money pretty bad makes a good case why she should be hired? So Rook has Rachel help him look into murder victims that have bite marks and been drained of blood. Anton quickly gets on the trail of the murderous vamps and Rachel helps dispose of them quickly to ensure her employment. The 32 minute film is a weird mix of old “Doctor Who” and “Masterpiece Theater” on PBS when I was a kid. The idea and characters are intriguing and can possibly make a fun feature length film or ongoing web series? I give this project 2 ½ out of 4 stars and more about the film or filmmakers can be found at www.witchdoctorfilms.com .

 

Neighbor (DVD) – In a small mid-west town a professor brings back to life a mummy (named Ashley) to help him with the Mayan calendar and what it all means? Once awaken Ashley the mummy doesn’t care to help she just wants to feed on humans. The fate of the world now lies in all too curious boy and a luchador that has lost his way. The premise sounds interesting but not enough to make the project work as I give it 1 ½ out of 4 stars. Another project from: www.witchdoctorfilms.com .

 

Modesto (DVD) – A small town that is mostly controlled by one man, Mr. Kersey and he has a new visitor in town. Problem is this one man has to town with revenge and killing anyone in his way of destroying Mr. Kersey. Clint Eastwood perfected this movie concept but cool to see it tried on a small film scale but still only give it 2 out of 4 stars. More about the project can be found at www.witchdoctorfilms.com .

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Children of the Way (DVD) – Apparently the fine folks at Witch Doctor Films felt the same way about the Anton Rook character and threw him in a full feature to see if movie fans would embrace it? A young woman goes missing and her parents convince Anton Rook to take the case. Rook and his assistant investigate the disappearance and soon find out she was taken by a strange cult called ‘Clisthu’. It is even believed the cult has some supernatural power and has several community members under their power. Not a lot of action but a lot of dialogue… Again for me at least it’s an intriguing character but it is a weird mix of PBS stuff you would see late at night as a kid. Putting that out there I am not totally sold it can work in feature-length films as I also listened to an audio CD of Anton Rook. I know there is an audience for it and I may not be it in the long run but glad it exists and hopes the right people find this project and enjoy it as I give it 2 out of 4 stars. The project can be purchased at www.witchdoctorfilms.com .

 

Empire of the Dark (DVD) – Steve Barkett is one of those weird people like us that love to make fun bad movies. No budget who cares Barkett is still going to make the film he wants too! Barkett did everything from directing to acting to catering to get this film made in 1990 like his underground apocalypse 1982 film “The Aftermath”. A police officer (Richard Flynn) receives a strange call from his former lover who needs help at her husband’s warehouse. Flynn arrives at the warehouse and finds himself choosing between a baby and his former lover in a different dimension or generic hell as I was calling it while watching. The baby is saved, girl dies, satanic ritual doesn’t happen… 20 years pass and some kid comes looking for Richard Flynn only Flynn is now a private detective living in the mountains taking sword lessons. Richard soon has to fend off demons again, satanic dudes wanting to do the ritual again, and sword-wielding minions that want to kill Richard! This is a perfect example of B-movie greatness. So get the beer, get hookers, get the firetrucks, get the farm animals and prepare yourself for some beautiful crappiness that needs to be witnessed and cherished! I give this flick a solid 3 stars just for being so bad it’s “Treasures of the Four Crowns” good.

 

Lurkers (DVD) – Cathy as a kid would see ghosts and such at her apartment. Cathy also believed her mother and the other kids that lived there were trying to kill her? 15 years later and still scarred from her horrific childhood and still blamed by her brother (who is a priest by the way) for their mother’s death is getting married. This guy is so perfect but Cathy keeps having weird supernatural occurrences and dreams telling her not to go home. But Cathy brushes them off to go with her soon to be husband to a work party that just happens to be in the same building she grew up at. Cathy haunted by this tries to escape but even on the streets she goes back to the building to try and face her fears and until she becomes one of the Lurkers? Yeah it sucks donkey balls folks and what doesn’t help is the VHS (if any left?) may be a better transfer than what is floating out there on DVD? Wanna be bored and feel like banging your head off the wall for 80 minutes or so then this one star horror film is for you!

 

Terror on Tour (DVD) – The film was finished in 1980 but not released until 1983 is about a generic “Kiss” band but they are called “The Clowns”. The band has a loyal following for their antics on stage. So loyal the police believe one of the members of the band could be murdering their fans? As the bodies pile up and the band’s popularity grows the real question becomes will anyone book them if everyone is being killed? I really enjoyed the concept of the film and could have been a cult classic of sorts. But inside it is a sad excuse for a slasher film, show a lot of weird 80s boobs, and not a ton of gore. I give the film 1 ½ stars.

 

Alien Origin (Blu-ray) – A found footage film about a Special Forces team and a journalist who go into the jungle for an investigation, they all disappeared shortly after in 2011. The footage appeared six months later and this was what happened. They supposedly found aliens that have the same DNA as us or another prime reason why I need to stop watching these types of shitty films… I give it 0 stars.

 

Lords of Light! The Story of Thundarr the Barbarian (YouTube) – A fun 20 minute short film and look back at one of my favorite Saturday morning cartoons of all time. Interviews with creators Ruby and Spears, opens up some light on how they came up with the concept for the cartoon but how it did not last either? If you are old like me and remember Saturday morning cartoons this is worth the trip down memory lane and they claim “Star Wars” may have help them come up with the cartoon. I give it 4 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html

DRIVE-IN HORRORSHOW PRESENTS GHOULISH STORIES GIVEAWAY!

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October 20, 2016 – Boston, MA

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Drive-In Horrorshow is proud to announce the Ghoulish Stories Giveaway, running from October 20th through 30th. The winner will be picked on Halloween!

Drive-In Horrorshow is currently releasing brand-new Ghoulish Short Stories! Each month, we publish a never-before-seen bloody tale from our archives, featuring killer pumpkins, hideous freaks, twisted slashers, and much more. They are free to read on Wattpad.

To celebrate our new tales, we’re running the Ghoulish Stories Giveaway! It’s free to enter, and three grand prize winners will receive a limited-edition book of six Ghoulish Short Stories! These will be printed exclusively for the contest, so the only way to win one is to enter.

Every entrant automatically gets a special prize: Ghoulish Story Trading Cards! Remember Fright Flicks horror trading cards from the 1980s? Our collectible Trading Cards were inspired by our favorite Fright Flicks that featured Freddy, Jason, and other horror icons. Each Ghoulish Story Trading Card features cover art uniquely created for each story by the great artists at our Drive-In Horrorshow Team.

Here are the contest details:

-Three grand prizes! -Limited-Edition Ghoulish Stories book -Signed Drive-In Horrorshow Soundtrack LP -Drive-In Horrorshow comic book -Collectible pins -Each entrant gets Ghoulish Stories Trading Cards -Duration: October 20-30, with the three grand prize winners chosen on Halloween! -Entry is free!

 

You can read all our brand-new Ghoulish Short stories on Wattpad.com or the Wattpad app, available for free on iOS or Android. To enter the contest visit http://www.DriveInHorrorshow.com

Happy Halloween!

 

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Contest Details:

 

Contest begins October 20th, 2016 and ends at Midnight EST October 30th, 2016. RULES- 1)You MUST BE SUBSCRIBED to the Drive-In Horrorshow Twitter and/or HAVE A FACEBOOK ACCOUNT to enter!

2) MUST be 18 or older OR have parent/guardian permission. 3) Contest opens: 10/20/16 Closes: 10/30/16 4) Open to US/Canada Residents Only 5) You can only subscribe and Follow/Like once, but you can Tweet daily for more entries! 6) Winner will be chosen at random, so the more entries you make the better your chances! 7) DO NOT get scammed! Winners will be emailed directly with address provided. We will contact the winners on October 31th, 2016 via email. If any winner does not respond by November 7th 5pm PST, we reserve the right to hand over to the next randomly selected participant. 8) Winners will be announced publicly on November 8th, 2016 and not before that date for ANY REASON! Winners will be notified via email and announced publicly on the Drive-In Horrorshow, Facebook, and Newsletter. 9) The prizes will be sent out as soon as possible. Fulfillment will most likely be the middle of November 2016 – please keep in mind if you intend the prizes as gifts. Thank you and Good Luck!

We talk some old school Troma and 80s Cunningham flick

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This week we return to talk about a true icon of independent film.  TROMA’S flagship THE TOXIC AVENGER.  And Kyle gets to see a flick he has been searching for a long time now in Sean S. Cunningham’s THE NEW KIDS.  Along the way we talk about forgotten department stores and their awesome VHS sales.  Football and Lego skeletal systems.  And weirdo movies that star Jackie Chan and John Cusack.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

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Gross Movie Reviews #389

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Gross Movie Reviews #389

 

Return to Frogtown (YouTube) – At some point one of my favorite unknown filmmakers Donald G. Jackson decided he could do a sequel to the popular cult film starring Roddy Piper “Hell Comes to Frogtown”. Problem or problems: do it on half the budget, have friends pull every string possible to get some genre names into the picture, and you don’t have Roddy Piper three years later to star in it. But Mr. Jackson didn’t let that stop him from making a sequel that would play on a regular basis on USA Up All Night? In place of Piper as Sam Hell, it’s Robert Z’Dar and he is now a rocket ranger. His partner played by Lou Ferrigno is captured by Commander Toty (which I thought he was Commander Toady or is that just my Yinzer English getting in the way of grammar?) And Toty is hell bent on turning the rest of the human population into frog mutants including Lou Ferrigno (if wondering Lou does turn green… I swear this is shit that happens in my dreams and they get stolen by the dream fairy) with his experiments performed by a scientist played by Brion James. So Sam Hell is sent in with his new partner Denise (Subspecies) Duff to look for Ranger Jones and save the world from the frog mutants! Sounds ridiculous and awesome at the same time especially when you add Rhonda Shear, Charles Napier, and Mr. Jackson regular Scott Shaw but fails to be entertaining in lots of ways. As much as I admire Mr. Jackson when you have no Piper to play Sam Hell this project should have be nixed or shelved for the time being. Mr. Jackson should have stuck it out with “Rollerblade” sequels and for that I give this bad sequel 1 ½ stars.

 

Barracuda (DVD) – Another bad late-70s “Jaws” rip-off trying to cash in on the craze at time has a chemical plant dumping pollution into the water causing mutations among the barracuda. Which in return they are attacking the local Palm Cove residents. But what makes this flick different from the bunch of this era is first, no Roger Corman and second, the film isn’t all about the killer fish. The film is more about a marine biologist teacher who gets in trouble with the local sheriff and figures out that the drinking water is the real problem as residents come down with a mysterious illness. The film is boring quite often but if you are a weirdo like me and like killer animal movies you do need to watch it at least once. I’ll stick with “Piranha” and “Humanoids from the Deep” myself as I give this flick 1 ½ stars.

 

V: mini-series (DVD) – In 1983, NBC promo campaign leading up to the TV event was amazing and unpreceded. No TV event ever really lived up to the hype until “V”. A two-night event about aliens/lizards that come to earth for peace (for now) and want to help earthlings worldwide. Basically someone wanted to make a film about the Nazis and what they were trying to do before and during WWII. And 80 million people tuned in to watch this cool event. With most humans accepting the aliens were here for peace some wanted to be sure before trusting them. That is where Marc Singer’s character Mike Donovan comes in as he is one of the few selected to go on the mother ship in L.A. to film. Once in Donovan finds out the aliens are actually lizards who have come to earth to suck the planet dry and make humans slaves or worse, food. By the end of the movie event Donovan is an outlaw wanted by authorities and aliens but is finding friends who also believe what he has seen and want to fight back. The event was fun sci-fi fodder that open the door to the mainstream but yet a dark, bleak look at what could happen if aliens came to earth? Plus, it had ‘Scary German Guy’ from one of my favorite movies of all time “The Monster Squad”. Thirty years have passed, the effects are a little cheesy, but the film event is still great to watch as I give it 4 stars.

 

V: The Final Battle (DVD) – A year later NBC decided to continue the battle between lizards and humans and again everyone watched in excitement. As now Donovan and others now have scientists on their side and eventually mercenaries as we are introduced to Michael Ironside’s character Tyler. Now the event was stretched out into three days instead of two which may have hindered this fun event. Now the aliens have taken the fight to the ground against the resistance fighters including capturing their leader, releasing Donovan’s son as a spy, having new armor that protects them from bullets, and spinning the video around about their alien leader being exposed as an alien lizard here to eat humans. This movie goes every possible direction into fleshing out there is some ‘visitors’ that were not for the invasion of earth and helping humans to the virgin who has sex with an alien and has an alien baby that wants peace. Weird stuff but I felt the story is more of a diluted mess than a fun, dark, bleak alien film like the first time around. What holds this event together I believe is the character Tyler who like the aliens is hell bent on destroying his enemy? Plus it showed Michael Ironside wasn’t just another forgettable genre actor but someone who has talent that worth recognizing. Overall, I enjoyed “The Final Battle” but the first go around was perfect and sometimes you just can’t reproduce that… I give the event 3 stars.

 

Evilspeak (DVD) – Stanley Coppersmith (Clint Howard) is nerdy, lonely kid whose parents are dead and is going to a prestigious military academy because he is considered a welfare case. So our main character is already an outsider and really has trouble being accepted by the other cadets. During a punishment of cleaning the basement of a church Coppersmith comes across a book that he feels a connection too. The book was written by the evil Richard Moll aka Esteban of course who believed in Satan, demons, etc. Stanley becomes so obsessed with the book he downloads it into the computer and sets up in the church basement for a ritual to bring forth Esteban. By accident Stanley kills the church drunk which sets forth the ritual and strange things begin to happen including an unbelievable, crazy, bloody murderous revenge rampage like no other in horror movie history. “Evilspeak” may not be the first satanic movie that comes to horror fans’ minds to watch but I bet you it is always in their top five list. I give it 3 ½ stars.

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Dead Sushi (DVD) – A story about a young woman named Keiko who is training to be a sushi chef like her father. Her father is legendary in Japan for his sushi making. But the young lady can never live up to his expectations so she runs away. She gets a job as a waitress at a hotel that is known for its sushi. Some important drug reps show up at the struggling hotel and Keiko does everything to offend them because she wasn’t born to be a waitress. But once a hobo shows up with a mutant sushi and injects it with his serum to perform his bidding to kill the drug reps, chaos ensues! The mutant sushi infects other sushi turning it into zombie sushi that attacks all in the hotel and Keiko understands what she is born to do and that is kick zombie sushi’s ass and prepares it for people who want it done right! But first she must fight off the hobo who turns into a horny mutant tuna that is wielding an axe… If you enjoy films like “Wild Zero” and “Bio-hazard” you will enjoy this hilarious, chaotic, and completely ridiculous fun film as I give it 3 stars.

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Phantasm V: Ravager (Theater) – Reggie is wondering the desert looking for Mike and not sure what world he is in any longer. Years have passed since Reggie has seen Jody or Mike and is starting to question if he is just dreaming all of this? The story revolves much more around Reggie than ever before as he is falling back forth between what’s real and what is not? But fighting between the desert, the senior home, and being on the road helping a young woman Reggie is awaken in a dark horrible world strapped to a table by The Tall Man. Some unknown people with guns help him out and lead him to their leader Mike. And Mike explains to Reggie he has been out of commission for years as The Tall Man was using his mind for information since the ending of part four film. Now, it’s a post-apocalyptic world that The Tall Man and his minions have completely taken over. With that they must fight The Tall Man in his world to stop him. To be honest it’s really hard to explain exactly what happens in this movie if anything at all? The best way I can tell you the reader about is: it has that feeling of “Phantasm IV” where they never had the budget to pull off what the story dictates and mainstream horror fans will shit all over it. But five years from now, regular horror fans will like it or get it? Personally, I am glad the sequel exists and it is finally out there. But it is hard to blend visual and practical effects unless you have the budget. I still want the original idea of Bruce Campbell and Reggie hooking up and fighting The Tall Man in the post-apocalyptic world but we all know it’s not going to happen now (R.I.P. Angus Scrimm). In a weird way the film is a fitting end to the series or a new beginning and hopefully some studio with money (I am looking at you Shout Factory and Anchor Bay) will understand that? The series has always taken weird, dreamy, and odd turns in the storyline and for that I am grateful that “Phantasm V” exists as I give the film 2 ½ stars. See me in five years just like part four and I bet you I like it more then as it will have more time to sink in. But more than anything this film will have the horror community talking and debating for a long time what we actually watched and what it all actually means? And thank you Don Coscarelli for doing it your way.

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html

Zombies!!! Official Board Game Soundtrack is sweet nectar for the ears…

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When I sit here and think about it, who in the hell would make music for a board game? Then I see the name on the package and the CD sent to me and it all makes sense: Midnight Syndicate! Why do I say that because hands down these guys abso-fucking-lutely make some of the best music for movies and general creepy music for horror movie lovers for the past decade? The older horror board games “Nightmare” and “Atmosphere” are stirring in their board game graves in jealousy right now. The soundtrack has that right amount of dark, creepy, Goth sound that would scare teens playing the game and make older horror gamers smile with delight. Personally, I believe the soundtrack is so good I would love to see this music matched up with a zombie flick. Filmmakers always ask me what they can do better with their film. Answer is music and this soundtrack proves once again you need to get some money and hire Midnight Syndicate because they are the best around. I do not play board games much these days but this soundtrack makes me want to own the “Zombies!!!” board game and for that I give Midnight Syndicate’s latest creation 4 out of 4 stars. You can find out more or purchase the CD at www.midnightsyndicate.com or www.twilightcreationsinc.com .

 

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Gross Movie Reviews #388

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Gross Movie Reviews #388

 

Snakeman (DVD) – A mid-2000s film also known as ‘Snake King’ stars Stephen Baldwin as a helicopter pilot and concern citizen of the Amazon jungle. Baldwin’s character helps fly an anthropologist and a few greedy scientists into the jungle looking for an Amazon tribe that may hold the answer to the “Fountain of Youth”? While venturing further into the jungle a snake is tracking them and feeding on them one by one. But once they find the tribe they find out the snake is the “Fountain of Youth” and has to choose you… Another fun CGI snake flick that I give 1 ½ stars too.

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The Sky Has Fallen (Vimeo/DVD) – A very dramatic independent zombie flick from filmmaker Doug Roos who tries a different approach to the bloated genre. The film centers around two survivors of a deadly virus that in the matter of hours either killed or zombified mankind. What makes this film unique is Lance and Rachel (the survivors) can deal with the zombies but it’s the dark shadowed figures that show up with the zombies that are the mystery. Lance searches the woods for days believing if he can find the source of the dark shadowed figures the zombie apocalypse can be stopped? As they travel deeper in the woods us the viewer learn that these shadowed figures kidnap the recently deceased and do experiments with them. And that the dark shadowed figures may be mutations? Kudos to Mr. Roos for coming up with a very unique but dramatic zombie flick that I give 2 ½ out of 4 stars. For more info or to purchase it: www.theskyhasfallen.com or www.kunaki.com/sales.asp?PID=PX00ZJ30QU&pp=1 .

 

#FollowFriday (DVD/SyFy Channel) – I have been waiting for this kind of film to pop up. Yeah there is ‘Smiley’ and ‘Unfriended’ just to name two but this is a little different. A killer uses Twitter to pick his victims, well popular Twitter people, or ones that have the most followers on college campus. Any popular person gets “#FollowFriday” on their twitter page they die. The reason I have been waiting for this kind of film is it really dives in with the internet trolls, stalkers, trash, and the kids who are living or dying on social media. It’s a great concept that I believe hasn’t seen its peak in the horror genre just yet? I give the flick 2 ½ stars.

 

Revenge of the Zombies (DVD) – A wonderful black and white classic horror film that stars John Carradine who controls zombies in the swamps. The zombies or corpses are experiments for Carradine’s character who is trying to build the perfect army. When he kills his wife he believes he has the answer to the perfect soldier until her brother and friends coming snooping around. I give the film 3 stars.

 

Steel and Lace (VHS) – A millionaire gets off of rape charges and Bruce Davison’s sister jumps off a building to her death not able to cope with the decision. Five years go by and Davison the scientist he is turns his sister into a cyborg seeking revenge on the five men that wronged her. Meanwhile a cop and an artist working on a new book uncover Davison’s plan of seeking revenge. Think a lower budgeted but much gorier version of ‘Eve of Destruction’. But don’t let lower budget stop you from enjoying this direct-to-video release as it stars Bruce Davison, David Naughton, Claire Wren, John J. York, and Brian Backer! A horror gem well worth the effort of tracking down as there is no legit DVD release of the film at this time. I give it 3 stars.

 

Sasquatch: The Legend of Bigfoot (DVD-R) – A film made in 1975 but not released until 1977 is a documentary-style film about Chuck Evans leading a research team deep in the British Columbia Mountains looking for Sasquatch. After several sightings of Bigfoot in the 50s and early 60s money was raised to send a research team was put together to find, tag, and release Sasquatch. The project came together quickly after the amateur shot film footage of Bigfoot. The seven person team enjoys the wildlife and untouched nature until they wondered into Bigfoot territory and the Sasquatch kicked the humans’ ass. The film can be boring but has its place in the Sasquatch genre like ‘Legend of Boggy Creek’. And with many new Bigfoot films and renewed interest in Sasquatch I would not be surprise this slightly unknown flick finds a way onto the DVD format sooner than later as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews #387

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Gross Movie Reviews #387

 

Parker (DVD) – In this 2013 Jason Statham film, Statham plays a man named Parker who just happens to be a thief. In gets in with a group of guys to rob the Ohio State Fair but the four other guys want a bigger heist (diamonds and jewels) after it is over. Parker wants out so they kill him or so they thought as they leave him on the side of the road. A nice old couple finds Parker left for dead and take him to the hospital. From there Parker finds out as much info about the next heist as he can so he can plot his revenge and get his cut of the state fair heist. Remember its principal folks… But Nick Nolte gets involved, and then Jennifer Lopez as a failing real estate agent gets involved and the mob is involved. A really fun heist movie that has a lot of Statham kicks to the face action. The film is a bit like the Mel Gibson flick ‘Payback’? But anyhow Statham fans make sure you check this film out if you haven’t already as I give it 3 stars.

 

Cavegirl (DVD) – I remember this sex comedy (if that is what you want to call it?) from the “USA Up All Night” days with Rhonda Shear. Daniel Roebuck is a nerd named Rex who goes on a class field trip to an old mine. Rex finds himself in prehistoric world of sorts when he finds a weird stone in the cave and touches it. After Rex realizes he just went through a time warp and is chased by a giant bear a Cavegirl finds him so he tries to communicate and live among her tribe. Mid-80s film trying to cash in on the end of the sex comedy craze that is on the lower tier but still a fun trip down memory lane of knowing this type film exists. Thank you Rhonda Shear as I give the flick 1 ½ stars.

 

Fist of Fury (DVD) – Bruce Lee comes back to his master’s home only to find him being buried and his former school being pushed around. So Bruce Lee does what he does best and beats the holy shit out of everyone from the other school. I give it 2 stars.

 

Dragon Blade (DVD) – This Jackie Chan film caught me off guard as it stars John Cusack and Adrien Brody and based on true events of a Chinese man who got in the middle of warring Romans. Chan’s character is a man of honor and peace with the help of his fellow soldiers they try to keep peace in the land and keep everybody friendly. Then Brody’s Roman character comes along and wants everyone dead! This wasn’t the usual ‘Rumble in the Bronx’ and ‘Police Story’ stuff I am usually seeing Jackie Chan in. Plus, John Cusack as a Roman general, weird but interesting stuff I say as I give it 2 stars.

 

Rotgut (DVD) – A couple of hobos in a back alley find a bottle of tequila in the dumpster to keep them drunk today… Problem is the stuff as just been recalled for unknown reasons. After drinking it and trying to eat 2 for 99 cent hot dogs both begin to get sick especially after the one drank the worm. Meanwhile, one of our main characters Leon comes in to his shitty bartending job at the local bar that is on the verge of closing and must buy some booze as their supply is low. So the vendor he deals with lets Leon have some of the recalled booze so it can be the “special of the day” at the bar. A few regulars show up to their daily dose along with a random combat veteran back from the war not know their day will come to an end when the crazy ranting hobos show up. The infected booze begins changing all who drink it and eventually making your guts explode or sloppy ass worms burst out of your skull. If that wasn’t enough the ATF is trying to track down all the recalled tequila. The film has its moments of gooey goriness but never commits to being as fun and crazy as a ‘Slime City’ as I give 2 out of 4 stars to the recalled booze flick. More info or to purchase the DVD go to: www.campmotionpictures.com or www.alternativecinema.com .

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The Ghosts of Johnson Woods (DVD) – A project from Glenn Berggoetz I have been following ever since Glenn announced Joe Bob Briggs was casted for it. Of course the talented Mr. Berggoetz writes, directs, and produces this project and goes off the beaten path of his usual projects that are injected with comedy, horror, and sometimes the absurd. Glen goes the direction of dramatic thriller of a boy meets girl, girl convinces boy to make a movie just involving themselves to get famous. Lenny and Heather rip ‘Blair Witch Project’ and discuss what and how they can do it on Lenny’s iPhone. Cheap, easy, make quick cash… A friendship is born in a weird way between Lenny and Heather as both want a movie but for different reasons. After settling on the “Johnson Woods” legend as their backdrop, Lenny and Heather pick a good spot in the woods and begin filming. As a viewer you get to see the relationship grow between the two even though we are never introduced to Heather’s parent or parents and the only other main character is Lenny’s dad (Joe Bob Briggs) and a hooker. As the relationship and film blossoms a creep factor sets in, especially in the last ten minutes of the film. No nudity, not much blood, interesting oddity of boy meets girl storyline, but the creepiness of the ending makes this strange tale an amazing independent thriller that will make movie fans cringe with fear! Glenn you made a cringe worthy film as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. For more info on the film or Glenn check out: www.facebook.com/glenn.berggoetz and www.facebook.com/ghostsofjohnsonwoods .

 

A Werewolf in the Amazon Collection (DVD) – This collection is a three-disc set from Camp Motion Pictures that has four movies from Brazilian director Ivan Cardoso and a disc filled with short films worthy of hardcore cinema fans pursuing through. The collection not only brings some of the filmmaker’s films to America on DVD but gives you access to stuff some fans have not seen yet? The first film in the collection is 1982’s ‘The Secret of the Mummy’. The best way I can describe is if an old school mummy film was a sex comedy dream… The second film in the collection is 1986’s ‘The Seven Vampires’ where a bizarre man-eating plant from Africa supposedly kills a scientist and turns his wife into a vampire? Maybe… While trying to move on from the death of her husband she has bloodless bodies stacking up around her. Third flick is 1990’s ‘The Scarlet Scorpion’ which is about a popular radio soap opera that everyone listens to on a nightly basis. The show becomes even more popular when someone begins to copy the murders from the show. And then the final flick starring Paul Naschy is 2005’s ‘A Werewolf in the Amazon’. Naschy is Dr. Moreau who has moved his experiments and work to the deep jungles of the Amazon. But is found by a group of friends who are there to see the sights and trip their asses off. Moreau is feverishly looking for his own cure but may have found it in one of the women of the group. If you are a hardcore cinema nerd or a cult film collector this collection is right up on your alley as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars as it can be found at www.campmotionpictures.com or www.alternativecinema.com .

 

Pray For Death (DVD) – Sho Kosugi moves his family to America on the persistence of his wife to start his own business. But things go south when some jewels go missing that was hidden under the floor of the business. Some crooked cops and the mob is involved and tries to hurt or kill Kosugi’s family believing they may have found the jewels and keeping them? Kosugi won’t stand for this so brings out his old ninja uniform and starts throwing Chinese stars and back flipping everywhere. And if there is one thing that sums up this crazy mid-80s ninja flick it is: Ninja vs. chainsaw! Done!!! I am in every time folks. I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Pillow Talk (YouTube) – A new filmmaker (Mitch Dolan of Bummer City Youth Productions) or someone just trying to experiment film wise has made a shot film which involves time travel, Donald Trump’s diary, a lot of talk about cock sucking, and yes, aliens! Weird… art… complete crap? Not totally sure but it did make me laugh a few times as I give it 2 out of 4 stars. Go check it out at: www.instagram.com/mitch.dolan or www.vimeo.com/182429792 .

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The Barn (Drive-in Theater) – Sam and Josh are just two normal high school seniors enjoying their last Devil’s Night and Halloween. Sam gets in trouble with his dad after Josh and he scare the shit out of Linnea Quigley’s character. Now Sam has to collect food for their church on Halloween and then face being grounded. But it’s Halloween and Sam refuses it to be shitty. So after seeing on TV about a band playing at a nearby town Sam and Josh come up with an idea to find a ride with friends to the concert and collect stuff in the small nearby town. When they arrive at the creepy small throwback community they find a barn. Is it ‘The Barn’ from a story that originated 30 years ago they have heard as kids that was haunted? They test the theory and just happen to awake three bad ass demons that want nothing more than blood and murder on Halloween night! Once ‘The Barn’ doors open and the demons arise, no one is safe as the creatures just begin to slash through the locals. We even get a “Yinzer” Crazy Ralph character that helps give the backstory of the demons. Now it’s up to Sam and Josh to find a way to send the demons back to hell! ‘The Barn’ is a perfect mix of 80s horror classics with a new and exciting touch to it. We get scary (amazing looking) demons, gore, Linnea Quigley and Ari Lehman, and the right amount of 80s corny horror cheese that made those horror movies so much fun! This film is a perfect Halloween-time movie that belongs on all horror fans’ watch list every Halloween… Literally watching the film I was saying to myself: I will watch this film every Halloween! It reminded me of such films: Neon Maniacs, Killer Party, Night of the Demons, Trick or Treat, horror classics that never get old. Kids, I give ‘The Barn’ 4 out of 4 stars and hands down one of the best horror films I have seen since I was a kid renting horror movies for Halloween. Check out www.nevermoreproductionfilms.com for more info.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.