Gross Movie Reviews #395
Daylight’s End (On Demand) – Some time has passed since a plague has just about wiped out humans. Some are survivors and some have become some kind of vampire/zombie mutants that now feed on humans. A man on a lonely mission helps out a young woman who gets jumped by other survivors. She takes him to a safe haven in the city that happens to be a police station where survivors have fought of the mutants and plan on leaving soon. But problems come along with the lone hero as a smarter mutant or “Alpha” is setting up the survivors to be a late night snack if they do not leave soon. The pacing of the flick is good, some gore, it has the man, the myth, the legend Lance Henriksen, and it’s another post-apocalyptic film which I enjoy. But the whole time watching the movie I felt like something was missing, not sure what? It’s kinda weird because the film is solid but not great as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Blair Witch (On Demand) – So there is a sequel or is it a remake? It’s a sequel… Honestly who gives a fuck as the movie annoyed the shit out of me just like the original. Heather’s brother now grown up and obsessed with finding answers to his sister’s disappearance decides to travel to the woods to do his own investigating. After a few crappy jump scares and shakier camera work, oh look… the Blair Witch! I will stick with ‘Book of Shadows’ if I wanna keeps abusing myself with these films as I give it 0 stars.
Ninja III: The Domination (DVD) – Lucinda Dickey, James Hong, and Sho Kosugi make the ten year old still in me love this product of the 80s all over again. A dying ninja possesses the young and beautiful Lucinda Dickey after she finds him in the desert. Not knowing of this when she sleeps the ninja spirit dresses up, grabs the sword, and begins his or her reign of terror. After a visit with screen legend James Hong, Lucinda and her boyfriend find out only a ninja can truly kill a ninja. Yep, its corny… But not in 1984/1985 where the ten year old me couldn’t get enough of this flick playing on cable TV. I give this classic 3 stars.
Comin’ At Ya! (DVD) – Old school western but shot in 3-D with some fun visuals that make this lost gem of a film absolutely a must watch. Before ‘Treasure of Four Crowns’ the same people made this flick about a cowboy named H.H. Hart who is about to get married until two evil brothers try to kill him and steal his bride. Once healed Mr. Hart goes on a revenge tour of tracking down the two brothers to slaughter them! If you are a spaghetti western fan or just a cinema buff and have not seen this yet? Correct this mistake quickly as it is a wonderful and fun movie experience as I give the flick 3 stars.
Cyborg 3: The Recycler (DVD) – First, we got JCVD in a post-apocalyptic world. Second time around we got a young Angelina Jolie as a cyborg and naked! Third time around it was like the director and casting person got together threw a bunch of genre veteran names into a hat, picked them, and made a movie that no one will care that it was made… except me. Richard Lynch is Lewellyn a man who is willing to track down all cyborgs, steal their eyes, and sell them for spare parts. Lewellyn becomes obsessed when he finds out information about a female cyborg that is pregnant and tracks her to a cyborg safe haven. From there of course its war! It is B-movie fun if you lasted through the first two films this makes a great dessert film buffs as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Night of Something Strange (On Demand) – Right or wrong, good or bad, this movie proved to be “something strange”. A janitor at a morgue gets the wise idea to have sex with a corpse. The corpse is a Jane Doe that just happens to be dead from radiation or STD’s. The janitor goes home, mutates, and then rapes mom! From there gets run down by two drunken hillbillies and hitches a ride to a convenience store to kill the clerk. And finally makes his way to a motel where a group of teenagers have deiced to stay for a night of sex on their way to a beach for spring break. Great effects, zombies, and hilarious vagina punching may have made Frank Henenlotter proud. I like to call the film “Spring Breakers vs. Sex Starved/Flesh Eating Zombies” and give the movie 3 stars as I laughed quite a few times.
Killbillies (DVD) – You learn something new every day as apparently this is the first Slovenia horror film ever released. Zina is a model who is traveling with another model and a photographer to the countryside for their new photo shoot. While setting up, two ‘Wrong Turn’ extras show up touching themselves and kidnap the small crew of four. The two disgusting men don’t wanna cannibalize them but use them to make some strange moonshine or vodka. Knowing death is coming Zina forces her way out to try and escape these men. Great first horror flick out of the gate and hope for many more as I give this flick 3 stars.
Detention (DVD) – Dolph Lundgren is a former Special Forces vet who must put his skills to work again when he is a teacher that must protect his students. Dolph gets stuck with detention duty on his last day of work. While he is trying to keep it together through this last duty some criminals have plans to use the school as part of their heist of heroin. Once the school is locked down for the weekend with just the students in detention, the criminals make their way in and set up. When they go to kill all that is left Dolph breaks into action as his students to stop them. With the Nu Image logo you knew you were getting that low budget direct to video fun. I give it 2 stars.
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