Gross Movie Reviews #490

0

Gross Movie Reviews #490

 

Madhouse (DVD) – Here is a weird ass US/Italian production from 1981 that has a young woman named Julia who had a horrible childhood because of her crazy ass twin sister Mary. Mary was committed at a very young age and still is fucking nuts! After a lot of convincing from her creepy ass priest uncle Julia goes and visits Mary only to be haunted by the past again. Mary soon escapes the hospital to track down Julia and wreck her adult life. Mary and her dog are a fun highlight of the film as they just brutally kill people. But as Julia’s friends try to defend themselves we get an awesome ‘drill to a fake dog’s head’… Wonderful stuff folks as I give this wild flick 3 stars.

 

Blood Beat (Blu-ray) – This 1982 batshit crazy French/US production is fucked up right out of the gate. Ted has brought home his new girlfriend to meet the folks in rural Wisconsin for the holidays. From the beginning Ted’s mother gives Sarah his girlfriend the stink eye causing her not to feel comfortable being there. Sarah feels like something is trying to haunt her from the inside? Meanwhile Ted’s mom is a super weirdo, Ted is still trying to bump uglies hard like it is going to knock the demon out of her later he will regret banging her, and Sarah has weird ass dreams of becoming a samurai and cutting the locals out in the woods. Only Ted’s mom with her secret weird supernatural powers can save them all. I don’t have a clue what to make of this movie but if you need something to watch that doesn’t make a lick of sense ‘Blood Beat’ is your jam as it has a new special edition Blu-ray release out there for all of us weirdos as I give it 2 stars.

 

Livid (DVD) – A more recent French horror film that centers on a young lady, Lucie who has two different colored eyes. She is training with Ms. Wilson to be a house call nurse for some rich lady. Everything seems to be fine but there is more sinister things going on than meets the eye. We have a weird old lady that might be rich with a key around her neck and we got a house nurse that runs over young teenagers and slices them up in her tub. Weird spooky shit going down folks! Anyway Lucie makes the mistake of telling her dipshit boyfriend who forces her back to the house that night to steal the hidden treasure from an old lady in a coma. Once inside and cannot find the treasure they son figure out the key is for some evil shit. Stick with this one as its weird and doesn’t make a lot of sense but it is entertaining as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Wake Up (DVD) – Dr. Phillip Tanner is tasked with investigating and writing up a report on a young woman named Molly who killed her family and dog one night. Tanner is given this project after Molly’s first doctor died suddenly when he began reading her diary leading up to the murders. Molly always claimed her nightmares were driving her nuts and these nightmares are showing her horrible things. Once Tanner dives into the notes and diary he soon finds himself questioning his own reality and dreams even though Molly’s diary warns him from the beginning that it should only be read by her. Is Tanner going insane or is something more going on? I thought Joe Nowland and crew did a wonderful job of carrying this interesting thriller storyline as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Massacre at Femur Creek (YouTube) – This 2014 short film begins on June 22, 1984 in St. Claire, Ontario where three young males are having a camping outing for the weekend. This party weekend is quickly interrupted by a masked creeper who is trying to stab them to death. The three do not go down easily as they do manage to cut off the masked killer’s dong! I laughed enough that I feel this ‘massacre’ film has some rewatchablity as I give it 2 stars.

One Cut of the Dead (Shudder) – I was checking out this latest zombie project from Japan and wasn’t entirely impressed through the first twenty minutes or so as it seem like a lackluster Indy zombie project. But then the movie is turned on its head as the movie credits roll thirty minutes in and we go back a month before the project started where an average filmmaker is picked for a new TV project. Higurashi is a director who just tries to please everyone so for this new horror channel he is perfect in their minds for this project. They want a one continuous shot zombie project with no cuts and not using much money. So it takes the viewer throughout the inner workings of the project and how they made the finished product work. On top of that we get to see the subplot of Higurashi and his aspiring filmmaker daughter storyline all the through as it is tied up nicely in the end. This film has a great premise, lots of blood, and entertaining characters as this movie takes a very fresh take on the bloated zombie genre as I give it 4 stars.

 

Insemnoid (DVD) – Some people may know this flick as “Horror Planet” but if you never have watched it then you will be sold on it is all about a penis shaped alien inseminating a female after it has been awaken on a faraway planet! A hilarious British space film where researchers check out a tomb on this foreign planet to find out what species may have lived here before? Ricky and Dean go exploring until an explosion inside the tomb kills Dean with Ricky surviving and being life to the Penis alien! After Ricky loses his mind and causes all kinds of chaos Sandy is abducted by the aliens and experimented on or just has a large tube shoved up her vagina. Sandy goes nutzoid with super penis alien strength and begins killing off the lamest movie space crew of all time as I give this funny ass movie 2 stars for just existing.

 

Dolemite is My Name (On Demand) – A biopic that tells the story of Rudy Ray Moore. Mr. Moore is played by none other than Eddie Murphy who basically decided it was time to let the world know about Rudy Ray Moore and his adventures… But also Eddie Murphy is back! The film takes us into the world of Rudy Ray Moore how like most of us had big dreams when he moved out west. But working at a record shop and working at night clubs as a comedian/MC wasn’t the ideal situation. One day an older man comes into the record shop telling hilarious stories and this is where Rudy sees something that he can become and Dolemite was born. Rudy Ray Moore is proof you can make it happen for yourself if you try. Mr. Moore went from a nobody to part of pop culture of the 70s. The cast for this biopic was amazing and this is most likely one of the best movies you will see in 2019 as I give 4 stars. To be honest only recently I have watched some of Rudy’s movies and thoroughly enjoyed them. I knew about Dolemite but always went on to watching some other Blaxploitation flick so shame on me. So don’t make that mistake and go watch this biopic and go check out the great Dolemite films!

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

 

It will be here before you know it: Grossfest 3: Season of the Gross, July 25-26th, 2020. Check out www.grossfest.com for details.

 

Gross Movie Reviews #396

0

Gross Movie Reviews #396

 

Grave Mistake (DVD) – Yep, it was a huge mistake in watching this independent zombie film. I love independent films to a fault but every once in a while I come across garbage. And this flick is worse than the chemical waste dumped on a graveyard (in New Mexico) that creates zombies as they munch on the locals. But luckily Phil Baker wrote a book “Survival Guide of the Undead” to help his friends at the auto shop that they are trapped in when the apocalypse goes down. Disappointed the Phil Baker character gets killed off quickly but this movie should have been also. I give the flick 0 stars.

 

Awaken the Dead (DVD) – Found another independent zombie movie to annoy the shit out of me as a priest and woman try to defend themselves in a home being attacked by flesh eaters! Apparently, if you make it grainy, slow motion, and dramatic it’s supposed to be taken more serious? Nope! That is why yinz folks have me watching and taking my life into my own hands when trying to swim through the crap. You got it, 0 stars.

 

Madhouse (DVD) – A much underrated Vincent Price and Peter Cushing film and that is saying a lot as I call it a role reversal type of horror film for these two actors. Vincent Price is Paul Toombs aka Dr. Death. A popular character that has been a part of several horror films where the character kills the leading lady. Finally, after many years Paul is marrying one of his leading ladies at their New Year’s Party. Instead, someone playing the Dr. Death character decides to decapitate Paul’s fiancée. Thus sending Paul to an asylum for many years, some believing he killed her as Dr. Death. Once released Peter Cushing’s character has written a Dr. Death TV series and wants Toombs back as the lead role. Problem, everyone is dying who has a disagreement with Paul but there is a twist? Its creepy, it’s fun, and nice to see these guys in opposite roles! I give this mid-70s beauty 3 ½ stars.

 

Grim (DVD) – Four people play with an Ouija board to try and bring forth a spirit or something to contact? Instead they awaken a terrible troll that is able to phase through cave walls and eat humans. After some mine subsidence a group of people go into the caves to see what the problem is and found the troll that was conjured up. A mid-90s horror flick that feeds into the 1990s sucked for horror as I give it 1 star.

 

At Midnight I’ll Take Your Corpse (DVD) – Synapse Films is overjoyed to bring Coffin Joe fans his original trilogy that has gained a cult like support over the years in the US. The first film released in 1964 introduces viewers to the man “Coffin Joe”, an undertaker who is not thrilled of religion and scares the shit out of his small town. His main reason for his anger is his wife cannot have children or a male child in this case that will carry on his legacy. The undertaker becomes overwhelmed with the beauty of his best friend’s fiancée and makes advances. When he is denied, he kills his best friend Antonio and defies what the gypsy’s warnings to take advantage of her! But as we all know your past can come back and haunt you as does to Coffin Joe. It is considered Brazil’s first horror film and knocked down some doors internationally as Coffin Joe is considered a horror icon by most. This disc has all kinds of goodies that include: an intro, a short film for fans of Coffin Joe, trailers, Making of, a new scene and of course the amazing work done with the transfer that Synapse does every time. I give the disc 3 out of 4 stars and can be found at www.synapse-films.com .

 

This Night I’ll Possess Your Corpse (DVD) – Coffin Joe returns in the direct sequel somehow surviving the horror he went through at the end of the film ‘At Midnight I’ll Take Your Corpse’. The angry ghosts of his past don’t get the job done and Coffin Joe heals up in a hospital bed until he is able to stand again. Once well, he regains his job as undertaker for the small town and with help from his hunchback he begins his search for the perfect woman. A woman that is worthy to carry his offspring and legacy of starting a new race of people. As he kidnaps wives and girlfriends he makes the mistake of killing a pregnant woman during his torturing process. Even with finding the perfect woman he is haunted by his past sins and has a visit to hell! The transfer is excellent as usual and has a few goodies that Coffin Joe fans will be happy with including the film having “the hell” scene placed back in the film and a visit to the Coffin Joe museum. Cool stuff once again from the Synapse crew as I give it 3 out of 4 stars and can be found out at www.synapse-films.com .

 

Bachelor Party in the Bungalow of the Damned (DVD) – Oh it’s just Chuck’s bachelor party and it just so happens the strippers that show up to the weekend party are vampires. Surprise, surprise they are there to fuck and have a bite to eat? The ugly boobs, the poor excuse for acting, and crappy effects are what make you all damned if you watch this flick. But again that is why I exist to find and watch this poo that makes out there in movie world. Thank the lord Rutger Hauer it was less than 75 minutes as I give it 0 stars.

getting-schooled

Getting Schooled (DVD/Vimeo) – So it’s Spring 1983, and some high schoolers have been sent to detention. Ron Jeremy the school janitor sticks around long enough to make a few jokes as Mr. Roker is about to do role call for detention. Mr. Roker pulls down the projector screen and flies back up hitting the wheelchair bound teacher in the face. Thus knocking him out and the kids wondering what the hell to do with him if he is dead? When he comes too Mr. Roker has Vietnam flashbacks and threatens to kill everyone in detention as they are the enemy. The “Cat and Mouse” game begins as Mr. Roker escapes into the ceiling after being tied down and teenagers search for him only to be killed off one by one. You get the point it is ‘The Breakfast Club’ if it’s a horror film and has its fun moments but also has some flaws. This independent film will find its niche as a lot of horror movie fans are enjoying the retro horror stuff that is being released. I give this new flick from Midnight Releasing 2 ½ out of 4 stars and can be found at: www.midnightreleasing.com .

 

Ghostbusters (DVD/remake) – Good, bad, indifferent, no matter how you feel about this flick it didn’t deserve the flack it got. Now saying that, the original is far superior but we all knew that going in… right? This time around its four women who form the group the ‘Ghostbusters’ as paranormal stuff is off the scale in New York recently. These four women all with different names than the original go to investigate the source of the paranormal surge and quickly find out it’s a human trying to break the vortex between worlds. He hates the world and wants everyone to pay for his misery. Loved Kate McKinnon and Leslie Jones characters and laughed quite a few times at the Chris Hemsworth. The film isn’t terrible, but it’s not great, the flick just exists which is saying a hell of a lot more compared to some remakes of the past as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Equalizer 2000 (DVD) – Found another post-apocalyptic film from the same dude that gave us ‘Future Hunters’, Robert Patrick, and ‘Wheels of Fire’. This time around its a hundred years after the nuclear winter set in Alaska where humans are still at war over oil! A man named Slade is considered a deserter by the heavily armed group called “the Ownership”. Slade helps a young woman running from Robert Patrick and his gang of rejects! In return she takes him to her peaceful compound to get fixed up and find the “Mean Gun”. Slade helps fix and perfect this weapon to fire back at The Ownership when they demand more water. But while protecting the compound Slade loses his girl and eventually the gun and it all comes down to one big war for The Ownership to be overthrown so we all can live in a peaceful world. Just another fun and cheesy ‘Road Warrior’ rip-off, that never gets old as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html