Gross Movie Reviews #560

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Gross Movie Reviews #560

Final Impact (DVD) – While on my search for more “massacre” and “Amityville” flicks I came across this forgotten B-action gem from 1991 starring Lorenzo Lamas and the lovely Kathleen Kinmont. Lamas plays a miserable drunk Nick Taylor who use to be a kickboxing champion three years before but now just feels sorry for himself as he runs a strip club. A young and upcoming kid named Danny visits Taylor before his trip to Vegas to fight the long standing champion Jake. With only Nick’s help can this kid survive a fight with Jake? Fun direct-to-video stuff for the action movie ‘Carnosaur’ as I give it 2 ½ stars.

100 Degrees Below Zero (DVD) – As usual I tripped over another Asylum film that stars or I should wastes the talents of Jeff Fahey and John Rhys-Davies. This absurd flick deals with a few global events that cause mass panic as Paris begins to freeze! Majority of the film is Jeff Fahey and wife trying to get their rich twenty-something kids out of Paris before the next Ice Age. Sometimes Asylum, not making a movie can be a good idea also as I give this waste of my time 0 stars.

Crystal Lake Memories (Shudder) – Hey ‘Friday the 13th’ fans you have 6 ½ hours to waste and need Corey Feldman to guide you? Well here is your answer with this ultimate documentary that covers everything about the movie series as I give it 4 stars. (Which by the way those folks that dropped a hundred or $150 on the box set recently understand you still didn’t get the uncut version of Part 7: The New Blood?)

Reunion Massacre (Tubi) – This more recent Indy flick is also known as ‘Invitation to Die’. Not totally sure why this one had two different titles but anyhow it did fall under my “massacre” category so I know I had to watch it… at least once. A young woman gets an invite to her 10 year high school reunion and decides to go even though she is warned by a random old carnival fortune telling machine. Along the way and once in the structure she and others are stalked by a mysterious man in a clown mask! This film left me with so many questions:

A) Why did this young lady have to put up Halloween decorations before she went to this so-called reunion?

B) Is the clown mask from the ‘Camp Blood’ films which are a whole other bag of dumplings that I will get into more someday?

C) Was that the same Zoltar machine from ‘Big’ with Tom Hanks or were you just trying to find one that looked like it?

D) This home/building/school that is clearly under some kind of construction or destruction that was built in the middle of nowhere like the school for ‘Slaughter High’. How didn’t the whole movie take place there because that was a movie in itself?

E) Why does film like it was two different short films cobbled together because the second half of the film didn’t make much sense if the woman dreamt all of this but also the second half felt like it was tacked on or edited in just to justify feature length which is something that can be debated for years what justifies “feature length”?

Anyhow, wasn’t a big fan of the film as it left me with way too many questions but the honest big pet peeve was the ending as it goes out with a whimper as I give it 1 star (you get one star just for this random remote building and you made me invoke the great slasher film ‘Slaughter High’).

Hack-in-the-Box (Dropbox) – Holy mother F’N balls kids! This perfect short film from Zane Hershberger (see me in person to listen to me destroy his name with my Yinzer accent) has four bad ass women preparing to take on an unknown demonic force from a music box. To their horror what comes for them they couldn’t have prepared enough! As this old school blend of ‘Evil Dead’ and “Empire Pictures” project would make a young Sam Raimi blush then sign Zane to a multi-picture deal to his production company! What is Hollywood’s loss is the independent community’s gain because Zane, the actresses involved, and crew behind them should be all Hollywood bound as I give this project 4 out of 4 stars and the early front runner on my “Best of 2022 list”.

Body Melt (DVD) – If you don’t have enough “body horror” in your life there is this Australian gooey cult classic where people of Peebles Court, Homesville are actually an experiment. A man from Vimuville Health Farm grows a conscious and wants to warn the people they are guinea pigs for a new drug that speeds up human decomposition but was supposedly gonna be another health drug but goes horribly wrong. This man Ryan is killed but sets forth a series of events that baffles authorities as the residents of this area begin to die rapidly in horrible ways. Weird, Australian, gooey, yep, I am watching every time as I give it 3 stars. 

The Cellar (VHS/YouTube) – One of my favorite actors in Patrick Kilpatrick stars in this late 80s film where he and family (The Cashen family) moves into an old desert home that is on cursed land. Apparently back in the day Native Americans were pissed at white people and cursed the land where an evil spirit in a basement creature will devour any white people that live there. The young Cashen boy discovers this monster early on but no one believes him until he devises a plan to blow the fucker up! Nowhere near a perfect flick but it has a monster, cursed land, white people are assholes, and Patrick Kilpatrick so I will always check something like this out as I give it 2 stars.

Exterminator 2 (Blu-ray) A couple years go by and Richard Ginty still has the itch to kill all criminals and make sure people still remember ‘The Exterminator’! This time around a young street gang led by a very young looking Mario Van Peebles wants to take over the city’s drug trade and then take over the city itself by killing and raping one person at a time. But Ginty, a large garbage truck, and a flamethrower are fucking up every gang member that follows Peebles character. Not as good as the first film but still worth tracking down for a watch as I give it 2 ½ stars. Look for Irwin Keyes playing a small role as one of the gang members also. Note: I now believe Shout Factory has put out this title out on DVD in a 4-pack.Update: a review published in one of my older books (never posted on the website) so I am just reposting the review. But the big thing is the 4-pack from Shout Factory is out of print but there is a new Blu-ray for us fans. Great picture quality and a commentary but that is about it on any extras you ever gonna get for this Cannon Group sequel. The film doesn’t nearly have the impact of the original but the music is enough nostalgia to make you buy the Blu-ray and enjoy the Ginty one more time.

Death Train (DVD/TV movie/internet) – An Australian 70s TV flick that stars a pre-Mad Max Hugh Keays-Byrne as an insurance investigator who strolls into a small town to investigate Mr. Cook’s somewhat mysterious death. Supposedly Mr. Cook was killed by a train that hasn’t existed for decades. As Morrow finds answers he is actually finding himself asking more questions as all the residents of this small area talk about this ghost train. The flick is a fun light-hearted mystery that shows off the acting chops of Hugh Keays-Byrne as after you see this film it only makes sense why he was so perfect as “Toe-cutter” in one of the best post-apocalyptic films ever ‘Mad Max’. I give this fun mystery ghost train film 2 ½ stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #558

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Gross Movie Reviews #558

Antlers (DVD) – This depressing story takes place in a dying rural town where a father and his youngest son come back from an old shut down mine shaft with something extra. Three weeks later this thing they brought home is hiding inside them and the other son is taking care of them keeping them locked up knowing something isn’t right. He feeds them roadkill or stuff he catches in the woods after school. After a teacher gets worried and explains to the school principal that maybe someone should look into it the principal eventually goes for a welfare check on young Lucas. Of course this goes horribly wrong and she accidentally lets out what now has turned the father into a mythical creature. The creature is loose and now leaving a bloody trail of bodies with Lucas and his teacher not sure what to do? A deep, dark, bloody fun creature film that horror fans should be happy with as I give it 3 stars.

The Bat Whispers (YouTube) – This 1930 film is an absolute treat of a film that combines elements of ‘Clue’, ‘The Murder on the Orient Express’, and your classic “Who Dun it?” stuff before it was a thing. An unknown figure/master criminal only known as “The Bat” terrorizes the big city authorities by stealing some famous jewels and robbing a city bank for fun. But to give it a twist he sends the authorities a note saying he is leaving the big city? The bat heads to a big mansion outside of Oakdale where supposedly there is money hidden within the mansion. This is where it gets to be a lot of fun as the viewer is introduced to several characters that all would have motive to steal the blueprint of the mansion to find the money and any could be the “bat” or be helping him. Lots of fun confusion, great dialogue setting up the climatic ending, and for a very early film still found this classic super entertaining as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Ghostbusters: Afterlife (On Demand) – It took 30 years or so for them to return but they finally found a way to do it right. Egon had become a recluse or known as “the dirt farmer”. But he disappeared for good reason as he seen something coming and was trying to protect us all. Meanwhile after his death his daughter and kids struggling to pay bills and having a place to live inherit the “the dirt farm”. As they settle in they slowly uncover that their father/grandfather made his place out in the middle of nowhere for a good reason to set up a fun and exciting story that ‘Ghostbusters’ fans cannot complain about. If you are a fan and start bitching about this film then nothing was ever gonna make you happy and maybe you should just stop watching movies and find another hobby as I give the film 3 ½ stars.

Butcher, Baker, Nightmare Maker (DVD) – This twisted early 80s film feels like a TV horror movie that deals with a boy named Billy who lost his parents to an accident when young and must live with his aunt. 14 years have passed and Billy is all grown up and getting excited of the possibility of leaving for college next year with his girlfriend. But Billy’s aunt isn’t your average aunt as the story unfolds it is quickly revealed that Billy’s aunt is sadistic and might not be the caring aunt all believe she is? Aunt Cheryl isn’t ready for her Billy to leave so she stops at nothing to ensure he will never leave her. This film has everything to make a cringe worthy movie worth seeking out: a bigot detective believing Billy is gay, an aunt that is sadistic and might be into incest before PornHub, and a couple fun minor twists that in the end everyone gets what they deserve as I give this interesting flick 3 stars. A couple fun facts: first, the film was also known as ‘Night Warning’ and second, look for Bill Paxton playing Eddie a high school bully/basketball teammate.

Post-Apocalyptic Desperation (YouTube) – Talented filmmaker from overseas Alex Wesley has a new film that deals with a soldier trapped in a different dimension that is completely war torn and he is just trying to survive to find answers. The soldier is subjected to cannibalism, torture, and the horror of living in a world full of radioactivity with no chance of survival as this is the end of the human race. Love the visuals and locations, but the dialogue might be lost some in translation but overall this is a solid film for us post-apocalyptic movie fans. The only real complaint was the film felt unfinished even though it clocks in about 58 minutes or so (or what is considered feature-length by some these days), like there was still an ending to come but doesn’t? Either way Alex Wesley is another filmmaker out there that always impresses me with their work and cannot wait to see more as I give this flick 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

The Wet Ones (DVD) – Filmmaker known as “Wig Wolf” put together a chaotic mess of short films into one continuous movie that runs a whopping 2 ½ hours. The filmmaker does this little story/or vignettes with Barbie dolls, action figures, random film clips, blood, murder, and fake Elvis. Now, if Wig Wolf would have gone with doing a live action version of ‘Turbo Teen’ you would have had me selling this movie everywhere but that is just showing my age… Anyway, you can call it chaos, you can call it garbage, but I do know this wasn’t my cup of tea once I finished it. But in a world consumed by social media apps and posts I could easily see this being a popular thing if broken down and sold as episodic TV on a YouTube or another streaming service? All I can say people I do know there is an audience out there, it just may take some time for them to find it as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

Edge of Honor (VHS/YouTube) – An early 90s action/adventure film that deals with Corey Feldman and friends who are “Explorers” aka Boy Scouts out in the Pacific Northwest who find Don Swayze’s stash of military weapons in an old shed in the woods. Swayze and friends are pissed when the weapons are moved because the boys hide them and wanna be heroes when they get to the police. But all goes wrong when Swayze and friends start killing everyone and do not expect the scouts to fight back to survive these backwoods idoits. A fun movie about gunrunners vs. the boy scouts with Corey stealing some scenes along the way as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Intrusion and Intrusion: Disconnected get picked up!

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MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT: SGL Entertainment headed up by Jeffrey A Swanson & Damien Dante, is pleased to announce that it has acquired Both Intrusion and Intrusion: Disconnected featuring Katie Stewart, Lee Haycraft and Corey Feldman (Goonies, Lost Boys). Read the Official Press Release www.sglmoviestore.com/2014/09/09/sgl-entertainment-acquires-both-intrusion-and-intrusion-disconnected-featuring-corey-feldman

Official film site at www.IntrusionDisconnected.com

 

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Look for both films to be Available on Blu-Ray, DVD, Cable TV and Video On Demand platforms including Amazon Prime, Google Play, iTunes Movies, M-GO and More!!! SGL Entertainment is headed up by Jeffrey A. Swanson and Damien Dante with partnerships that include MVD Entertainment and Indie Rights Movies.

For More Info about Intrusion: Disconnected Go To: www.facebook.com/IntrusionDisconnected

 

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