Gross Movie Reviews #658

Posted on December 26, 2024 by grossmoviereviews

Tsunami Sharks (YouTube) – Another shark flick out of the UK where this time around an unlikely tsunami hits a European city and along with it comes blood thirsty sharks. As the water rises the sharks infest the city as they trap people in their homes, buildings, and restaurants, you get the picture. The people need to be quick on their feet as they try to survive and figure out how to escape the sharks. It is a quick stupid shark filled fun flick I give 2 stars too.

Mountain Shark (Tubi) – Just another rando shark film out of the UK area where this time a scientist has perfected an experiment of a shark living and swimming in the countryside mountains of the UK. Think ‘Tremors’ with bad CGI? Anyhow it was supposed to be a decommissioned military project but the shark has escaped. A non-descript group of military persons are brought in to supposedly capture the creature but the good doctor is using them to make his killing machine that much more perfect. There was something that bothered me in the middle of the film when the scientist is holding a gun on the military persons and kept looking away let alone the gun he had on them was going away from them too… Why didn’t one these fuckers fuck his ass up immediately? Isn’t this what they train for or am I weird movie nerd overthinking this and the movie would have been half as long? Anyway, if you get past the shark looking better in the original PSone Resident Evil game you will be entertained and enjoy as I give this 2 ½ stars.

Blood Tracks (DVD) – A relatively unknown weirdo flick from the mid-80s about a rock band “Solid Gold” going to a snowy mountain with an abandoned factory to shoot their latest music video. Unknown to those who have invaded these premises a family has been living off the grid in the factory over the past four decades. Think ‘The Hills Have Eyes” meets “Slaughterhouse” with snow! An avalanche and the camera man being attacked by something leads the crew to be on high alert but just speeds up the process as the family wastes no time murdering everyone in a bloody manner. One problem folks, even cleaned up there is still some dark scenes that you will keep you squinting to see as I give the film 2 ½ stars.

Dick Dynamite: 1944 (On Demand) – The latest crowd funded project involving Nazis getting their ass kicked in bloody style. Its 1944 and the Nazis have a new experimental liquid that they are testing on women and children that they want to drop on Manhattan to turn the whole city into zombies. Anyway Dick Dynamite is a big muscle bound soldier who is released from prison to lead his dirty half dozen to stop the Nazis ultimate plan. The project was shot over a couple of years and has a lot laughs and gore but if you are like me you have seen this type of film maybe one too many times? It isn’t terrible but its non-ending in my opinion didn’t help me liking this film as I place this in the category of the “trailer looks better than the finished project” as I give it 2 stars.

Backwoods Marcy (DVD) – This interesting project is a 1999 SOV film out of Sharkey Video directed by and stars the talented Dawn Murphy. A real estate dude named Donald is lost in the middle of nowhere for a meeting about a property he was going to check out. After picking up one hitchhiker to get his whistle wet he picks up another named Marcy. Marcy literally looks like a backwoods person who hates city folk but is very willing to help Donald for a ride to see her kin. When Donald gets upset by her smell he throws her out of the car with being lost and frustrated then accidently runs Marcy down with the car. This is where the real story begins as Marcy has Donald exactly where she wants him. Marcy catches her victim then proceeds to rape, torture, and cages Donald for her pleasure as she will kill anyone that comes sniffing around the campsite. The film is simply brilliant with its use of story, use of locations, and reversing the roles of backwoods horror as Marcy is relentless in making Donald her pet as that makes for an entertaining no budget film as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

It’s a Wonderful Knife (Shudder) – Winnie is a senior in high school looking forward to college and life is grand until a serial killer shows up to her small holiday town of Angel Falls. Then Winnie’s life is changed forever as she just happens to kill the serial killer and he is unmasked to reveal it is the asshole real estate guy Mr. Waters who employees her father. One year later Winnie is stuck in a rut as it looks like all around her has forgotten the events of last Christmas except her. So just like the old holiday classic she wishes to never be born as this throws her into an alternate reality where everything is different as Mr. Waters own everything and still killing anyone who he feels is not a volunteer part of his end game. Winnie finds a new friend and they must kill again in order to restore Winnie’s reality? A holiday horror maybe aimed for the ‘Happy Death Day’ crowd but I still enjoyed it for what it was as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Santastein (Tubi) – A young man named Max has been stealing corpses in his spare time from the local morgue. He has a plan on restoring Santa as Max was the reason for Santa’s death several years ago and since then it doesn’t snow along with Santa no longer delivering presents. With the help of his friend’s Paige experiment his plan is to reanimate Santa to bring back Christmas! Sounds great in theory to Max until the undead Santa is slaughtering folks who are naughty. I enjoyed, I laughed at this project that doesn’t overthink it as it has fun with the story at hand as I give it 3 stars.

Junk Bonds: The Return of the Junk Bucket (Tubi) – In this Indy sequel Cassie is a survivor of a cannibal family who loves cutting off people’s junk. Yes it is a parody of ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre’ but with dicks! As the survivor Cassie is recaptured by the family they want to celebrate their son’s special day with strippers of course which sets in motion a whole new batch of dick cutting and vagina stabbing. I could never tracked the first film so of course I just went ahead and watched the sequel first as fans of old school Troma will be happy seeing this project keeping the Troma spirit alive as I give the film 2 stars.

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Gross Movie Reviews #657

Posted on December 20, 2024 by grossmoviereviews

Yule Log 2: Branchin’ Out (Max) – So Zoe surviving the Yule Log Massacre of the first film as it is referred too wakes in a hospital and wants to do the holidays without a fireplace. Meanwhile, the Yule Log that won’t die has other plans to track down the only survivor to finish the job it started. Zoe and friend start road tripping until an accident caused by Zoe leaves them stranded in the Hallmark movie town of Mistletoe. Here Zoe learns to love again even though she carries an axe with her at all times and a firefighter named Blaze is shirtless the whole film. The Yule Log eventually finds Zoe in the most ridiculous way while leaving a blood soaked trail to her during a Yule Log Festival. I laughed my ass off several times during this sequel as this is possibly the best one, two holiday punch since the ‘Jack Frost’ films as I give it 3 ½ stars.

House of the Wizard’s Blackened Soul (YouTube) – Dakota Ray’s latest Indy project is a short film that runs 27 minutes surrounding a young troubled man Gideon. Gideon has several issues struggling through life then thrown a curveball when he becomes the caretaker for his not in the best of health grandfather and his estate. Gideon takes it on but falls into a deeper world of darkness that he cannot escape as he discovers something even worse was waiting for him. Is Gideon dreaming it all? Was he already dead? Was this the dark world Gideon wanted all along? These questions can be debated after watching and how each viewer will for sure see things differently than the last. Mr. Dakota Ray usually plays with dark things in his projects but takes it to an interesting level with this well shot almost artsy project. This wild short film will find its audience as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Black Rat (DVD) – This is a 2010 film out of Japan from the dude who directed ‘Battle Royale II’ for whatever that is worth. A young lady Asuka dances in front of a rat head on top of a school building only to commit suicide after. Sometime later a group of supposedly Asuka’s friends receive a text to meet at midnight in their classroom at school. The friends meet up only to be confronted by a mystery person in Asuka’s rat head and armed with a baseball bat. One by one their secrets are put out there through flashbacks as they die. I wanted to like this more but just felt like a subpar concept that was never as entertaining as I just described it as I give it 2 stars.

The Beast in the Cellar (DVD) – An early 70s film that tackles the story of a creature nearby a British Army Camp murdering soldiers in the countryside. Joyce and Ellie are two older women who just seem innocent and a bit curious people who live off the beaten path in the same countryside. But after authorities and soldiers have visited their home several times for their safety it comes out Joyce and Ellie have had a secret that started during the Great War as they must care, protect, and keep their younger brother from war. Not too terribly bloody but an interesting find if you enjoy British horror as I give it 2 stars.

Mad Cow Massacre (YouTube) – Pretty much first time filmmakers out of Iowa having a little fun on a tiny budget set their serial killer plot in the small town of Farmville. Here is where the latest killings have taken place by a psycho in a cow costume. A detective has been tracking the killer (Mad Cow Killer) through several towns but the killer has decided his murder spree to continue day after day now just in Farmville. This change in behavior has baffled the detective but allows him to gather reinforcements to trap the sick Mad Cow Killer but even after death he cannot be stopped. The project is very rough with many flaws but they understood the massacre concept. It has a lot of heart as it was exactly what I like finding in my micro-budgeted massacre movies as I hope for a sequel soon and as this film gets 2 out of 4 stars.

Grandma’s Cookies (YouTube) – A holiday short film of a young boy staying with Grandma who wants to stay up to see Santa on Christmas Eve. But Grandma tries to convince the boy it isn’t the best thing to be awake to see Santa as she knows the real Santa. See Grandma for years has made special cookies for Santa every year since a child for good reason as the boy staying awake finds out it isn’t all merry as I give the entertaining horror short 3 out of 4 stars.

Joe Returns A Video (YouTube) – This 2019 short film is hilarious in so many ways as it’s all about Joe who forgot to return a VHS copy of Steven Seagal’s ‘Above the Law’ in 1989 and now in 2019 decides it will not be late another day. Joe cannot think of racking up another day of late fees and heads out from his picturesque suburb home to go for a walk to the video store three decades later. Along the way Joe encounters several characters but at all times he explains he has to return Steven Seagal’s ‘Above the Law’ VHS. I was literally laughing about every thirty seconds throughout this 12 minute short as I give it 4 out of 4 stars.

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Gross Movie Reviews Best of 2024 list

Posted on December 15, 2024 by grossmoviereviews

(As usual there is gonna be a few that you feel is missing from the list as I always say, “it’s just one person’s opinion” or keep in mind I watch all kinds of horror films new and old but it is hard to see everything believe me I try: Indy stuff to new stuff but always trying to unearth things no one has heard about so take a gander, enjoy, and I am sure someone will comment or send me a message, lol.)

1) Godzilla Minus One (On Demand) – Best way to explain this film: This is the remake of Godzilla, Tim Gross always wanted! But let’s tell you a little about it anyway. The main plot of the film revolves around a Japanese fighter pilot who in 1943 first encounters Godzilla on an island. Soon after the war ends in 1945 he returns home to devastation of his land and his family dead but also still haunted by the nightmares of Godzilla on the island. He tries to rebuild with a woman and a child who are survivors of the war with nowhere to go. As a couple years pass and the rebuilding of cities in Japan begin he finds a dangerous job on the sea picking up mines that were left from the war and this is where he meets the Godzilla creature again only to be bigger and much stronger than ever before. As Godzilla rips a part a Japanese city within seconds and disappears again, the Japanese people decide they cannot wait for any government to jump in help they must come up with a plan to destroy this mutated creature sooner than later. What makes this Godzilla more special in my opinion than a lot of the Godzilla films we grew up with or remakes of the 90s is the Japanese people are not just set pieces running away from Godzilla. This fighter pilot being haunted by nightmares of Godzilla and even believing Godzilla is following him in some way makes this a much different plot than what I believe we have seen before? Yeah there have been some cool recent reincarnations of Godzilla but this project literally reached into my brain and said we are going to give you the perfect combo: the iconic music, out of this world effects (no cheesy Godzilla but that will always have a place in my movie heart), a plot that finally or truly is about humans and not just Godzilla, but making Godzilla what he always was supposed to be since he showed up on screen in the 50s… an absolute bad ass unstoppable creature that gives you chills when he hits the screen! For this folks I absolutely give this 4 stars and thank you Toho.

2) The Beekeeper (On Demand) – This is not just another run of the mill action film starring Jason Statham. I think this movie is going to have some legs for the next few years. A mysterious dude named Adam Clay has rented a barn from a Mrs. Parker out in the middle of nowhere where he raises “bees”! But when Mrs. Parker is taken in by a computer scam and commits suicide after seeing she has just lost her savings Clay finds the aftermath. This sends Mr. Clay to find the United Data Company and burn them down from bottom to top. This event sets in motion Mr. Clay to find everyone who is involved and just burned them to the ground so to speak! Mr. Clay is an agent for the government that is a failsafe. He works outside of all agencies but has unlimited funds and have been a part of the US for decades as they are unstoppable killers. This is one of the better action film ideas I have seen in recent memory and love this concept as this taps into a very real-time subject that everyone could get behind and would want to happen as our government sucks at trying to control shit like this? Plus this movie doesn’t waste time at all throughout, there is no filler as Clay is just killing almost from the time it begins till the great ending as they still had time to fit in some interesting characters. This film gets my approval big time as I say you need to watch this as I give it 4 stars.

3) Shaky Shivers (DVD) – The film is set perfectly in 1993 somewhere in the state of Washington where two young women have set out to wait for a full moon and once it happens the hilarity doesn’t stop with what these two get themselves into. But when the real story begins the day before when the two are working their ice cream parlor jobs as they discuss their futures only to be interrupted by a woman from the woods. This happens at closing time when Lucy and Karen just want to be done for the night but the strange woman curses Lucy as now she has to deal with becoming a werewolf. The two best friends try to figure out what they can do before tomorrow evening which brings us to their present time the next evening and things go from bad to worse when they read from “The Book of Spells”! Great effects, great story, I absolutely laughed my ass off at these two characters as this will be a horror film for people to talk about for years to come as I give it 4 stars and will most likely be on my “Best of 2024 list” at the end of the year.

4) Super Hybrid (DVD) – Holy shit horror fans where has this 2010 film been hiding all my life as I could literally review this film as: Imagine 1977s The Car meets Deep Rising… SOLD! A driverless old black Chevy Nova is in a terrible car accident one evening in Chicago. The vehicle is towed to the Chicago impound garage to be stored but quickly the car begins to fix itself as the employees don’t think too much of it as they have their own shit to contend with. As the garage employees begin their work that night strange noises and things begin to happen around this car as this car lives for murder. But what makes this intriguing as they become locked into the garage for the night this car not only lives for murder but also is able to change car models when another is near it to hide in plain sight. Also it doesn’t take long for the employees to figure out this driverless car is driven by something that is alive! The film has a few imperfections but this has an insane plot, great cars, and cool stunt work that makes you question why wasn’t this film hyped up a lot more over a decade ago? Horror fans do yourself a favor and track this down as I give this film 4 stars and most likely to be in my “top ten movies” for 2024!

5) When the Trash Man Knocks (DVD/Tubi) – Caroline is a woman haunted by a tragic event many years ago that has caused her the fear of leaving the house. But what scared her two decades ago, “The Trash Man”, has returned. Instead of being your usual rando slasher genre fare (which isn’t a bad thing?) this film goes about fleshing out a more psychological story about how the Trash Man was able to scar a town. This legendary killer has haunted Caroline and her son for so many years that they also have become part of the legend. There is some wonderful kills and bodies pile up quickly once it gets going. I try to not go into too much detail as it can give this fun new breed of slasher film away and want it to be fun for first time viewers as I can honestly say this will be on my “Best of 2024 list” at the end of the year as I give it 4 stars.

6) TRET (DVD) – So independent filmmaker Matthew Diulus decided to delight horror fans with a tale of Halloween horror that runs a little over 17 minutes. This tale of terror deals with a person disrespecting another person’s Halloween decorations and candy bowl thus there is consequences for this action? Break the rules you must choose ‘Trick or Tret’? So if there is anything to take away from this delightful scare it’s always respect people’s Halloween stuff as this was a wisely casted, performed, and crafted Halloween horror short that I got to give 4 out of 4 stars.

7) Onyx the Fortuitous The Talisman of Souls (DVD) – This is an odd bird of a movie where the plot revolves around a fanboy character Marcus who still lives at home with mom (Barbara Crampton) and works at the local “Meat Mart”. But Marcus is really into this dude Bartok who worships Satan that has a contest of where five selected people get the chance to hang out in Bartok’s mansion. The five from all different walks of life all very into Bartok (Jeffrey Combs) the Great make it to the mansion for the ritual. The goal of this ritual is to bring forth the evil god Abaddon for immortality and Bartok to rule. But the five get curious and wonder what is really up with Bartok as they have odd dreams as they believe there is a prophecy about this event as not all Bartok can be true? Yeah the movie has a few flaws but we get Jeffrey Combs coming off as a doppelganger of Michael Ironside in ‘Turbo Kid’, Barbara Crampton being delightful as always, ghouls, monsters, and the vibe of this being some weird mid-90s fever dream I once had when I was 20. This movie might be odd but it was an absolute hoot to watch so give it a chance as I give it 4 stars.

8) The Last Christmas in the Universe (YouTube) – The fine folks from Spain that have brought you the over the top brilliant work of “Fist of Jesus” and “Brutal Relax” have returned with a post-apocalyptic holiday short film. It is December 25^th next year?! Everything has gone to shit and a gang of brutal thugs are about to kill a man but Santa has arrived because even though everything is just about dead Santa has a job to do as long as there is still one good person left. Santa and his magical bag of presents turns the fight to the death into a fantastic holiday splatterfest that includes Santa playing ‘Twister’ (the version of the game here in the US) with the thugs’ body parts in order to save this one good person. Need some dark humor in your Season’s Greetings look no further than this absolutely fun gorefest that will just make you smile like the days of unwrapping all those cool presents as a kid as I give this wonderful holiday short film 4 out of 4 stars. Also these talented people are in need of your support so please check out www.patreon.com/RedParty to help.

9) Psycho Ape 2! The Wrath of Kong (DVD) – Addison and crew literally come out swinging in this sequel to his no budget hit “Psycho Ape” of leaning into the comedy that much more where the film is a parody of a parody of a parody if that makes any sense at all? It is now supposedly 25 years later and the three main characters Nancy Banana, Dr. Zoomis, and Psycho Ape are all friends trying to live out their exciting lives until it becomes a courtroom drama as Psycho Ape is believed to be killing again. There is a woman who wants Psycho Ape behind bars by any means as the threesome of Nancy, the good doctor, and Psycho Ape are just trying to live their best lives as they reenact several scenes from several movies along the way. Pay attention when they are not ironing the gorilla suit mid-movie they go through a crapload of famous films quickly. This is one of those “check your brain at the door, grab a six pack, and strap yourself in for some laughs” kind of movie. Addison you had me immediately when the kids are trading for the infamous Psycho Ape card and the famous Billy Ripken card is mentioned. There is so much going on in this film it will literally take viewers two or three times to truly understand how cool this project actually is? Now saying that and looking at Addison’s films leading up to this it leaves me asking Indy fans an important question: Is Addison Binek possibly the next Lloyd Kaufman as he continues to build his young career? While you think on that this sequel is an absolute rolling on the ground, laughing until tears run down your face comedy I give 4 out of 4 stars too!

10) The Third Saturday in October (Shudder) – I quite enjoyed this throwback to a 70s slasher film as this one has heart with the music, the look, and the cars. Set in 1979 Alabama where deranged killer Jack Harding is being put to death for his killing spree in 1968 but has refused to say a word since. When Harding is electrocuted there is a man (Ricky Dean Logan) and a woman (Vicki Newton) that is witnesses of the execution who also wanna see him buried in the ground to be sure he is dead. But don’t let a good electrocution keep this killer down as he rises from his coffin to kill again and heads to the town of Hackleburg to restart his bloody rampage. Ricky and Vicki soon believe Jack Harding isn’t human but some kind of unstoppable monster. This is one of the few nostalgic slasher films in the past several years that have gotten the formula right! When watching your 70s slasher film makes me think of “Halloween” and “Phantasm” but also finds a way to give me chills you know you have made this horror fan happy who is old enough to remember that time as I gotta give this wonderful nostalgic 70s movie 4 stars! Horror fans that enjoyed “Late Night with the Devil” will enjoy this also.

Notables worth mentioning…

Twilight of the Warriors: Walled In (On Demand) – A young man Chan Lok-kwun looking to be paid for his services so he can get his ID is screwed over by Mr. Big (Sammo Hung). In turn Chan grabs a bag believing its money and not a sack full of drugs and goes running from the gang. Its 1980 Hong Kong and Chan get chased into the citadel. This is a walled off society from the rest of Hong Kong that actually existed! Chan might be able to defend himself against the thugs of Mr. Big but he cannot defend himself when he is facing ‘the barber’. This older man hands Chan his ass without dropping his cigarette and explains if he stays he must become a functional part of what they all do there. The young man just wants to make enough money in order to travel and get his ID but slowly the real identity of Chan comes out that causes Mr. Big and son to try a takeover of the walled in city! The fight scenes are unlike some of the most top notch stuff on screen and this story just sucks you into this 1980 Hong Kong universe. If you are a fan of such titles ‘The Raid’ or ‘Triple Threat’ please give this action/fantasy a try because this will be one of the best movies you watch in 2024 as I give it 4 stars.

HeBGB TV (Blu-ray) – Wow, right out the gates this thing screams mid-90s Nick shows! This era is a little past my time but I was still able to appreciate what a great viewing pleasure of this project was. It begins with a rando package on a front doorstep picked up by siblings who were hoping it was pizza. This out of this world cable box once inside immediately hooks itself up and out comes “The Purple Guy” to explain and entertain the siblings. As The Purple Guy allows the siblings to watch the programming and advertisements we keep getting newsbreaks that the cable box is going everywhere and taking over the world. But the siblings in the end are not having what The Purple Guy is offering. The production and presentation of this project is just absolutely entertaining along with the young sibling characters giving this horror delight an innocence you don’t see often or pulled off correctly. Horror fans if you grew up in the 90s make a point to pick up a copy of this as these fantastic independent productions are rare as I give it 4 stars.

Boy Kills World (On Demand) – In an alternate world where a deaf boy has his mom and sister murdered by a dictator. After being found in the jungle a Shaman trains him from a boy to adult to be the perfect killing machine. The boy never forgets what drives him as he wants revenge in this chaotic world of dreamy weirdness. But you have to pay attention to the complete insane story because not all is what it seems as this feels like someone threw Peter Jackson’s “Dead Alive”, the over the top action film “Hardcore Henry”, and one of my favs “Raid the Redemption” into a blender! The final product is a wonderful wacky huge body count of an action film that I will be enjoying many times over as I give it 4 stars.

Brainjacked (DVD) – Tristan is a young man thrown out on his ass and not sure where to go or what to do? While in a park for the night he is greeted by a beautiful young woman Laney who believes he is a male hooker but once the confusion is concluded she offers to help him. She brings the young man to a place of peace where a doctor helps lost young people by drilling holes into their skulls and giving them relief of whatever bothers them. The good doctor receives the name from the young people as “the gift giver”. Tristan hesitates but eventually gives the okay for the surgery but what seems wonderful at first but unleashes a dark secret the good doctor is hiding. Think of an independent version of ‘The Stepford Wives’ and ‘Disturbing Behavior’ but done better and more intense in my opinion in this exciting sci-fi horror film! Released in 2008/2009 this film to me at least should be talked about as an underground Indy classic as I give it 4 out of 4 stars.

Rejected (YouTube) – This short film from Rene Riva Productions is an interesting one as they made an anthology into 15 minutes with a ‘VHS’ vibe. It is late November 1997 at the Sonu Studios and a couple of TV hosts are showing the rejected ads for the new Sonu digital camera that takes floppy disk. The characters in these ads that use the new advanced camera face certain death! Plain and simple this is 15 minutes of horror awesomeness done right as I give this short film project 4 out of 4 stars.

The Primevals (Full Moon) – A passion project from no other than David Allenunder Charles Band’s Full Moon Pictures label that has been in some kind of production for decades. Sadly David Allen died in 1999 never seeing the project finished. As the story goes Allen who did the wonderful puppet effects in the first couple ‘Puppet Master’ films had been trying to get this project up and going for decades starting right after the film ‘Laserblast’. Not until the early 90s did Band have the funds for Allen to pull the production off but one thing after another happened causing this project to never being finished and talked about many Full Moon fans for years. But to Charles Band’s credit and some others getting involved in a recent crowd funding campaign the film was finished and restored so all of us fans get to see the fun stop-motion stuff that brings this picture to life! The story revolves around a discovered frozen Yeti and sent off to the U.S. for presentation to get everyone excited for such a creature. This event sparks an expedition to do research in the Himalayas to possibly find proof or another one of these creatures? Their adventure literally leads the group to another world where lizard people/things control the Yetis and rule in this possible alternate prehistoric world! The film comes off very family friendly but the real star is no doubt the stop motion effects of the Yeti and the lizard men that is just such a wonderful throwback to old school filmmaking that will thrill not just Full Moon fans but some cinema buffs too. Thank you to all who got this together for us movie fans to check out and thank you David Allen even though you didn’t get to see you finished product as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Longlegs (On Demand) – Another horror film starring Nic Cage but under a lot of makeup, set in the 90s, and… he is a serial killer known as ‘Longlegs’ or a cultist? Right out of the gate this film gets real creepy in the first couple minutes giving ‘Silence of the Lambs’ vibes that first time I watched Anthony Hopkins as Hannibal Lector in the early 90s! From there we are introduced to a young FBI Special Agent Harker who you wouldn’t exactly call psychic but gets a feeling as she is brought in on this long standing “Longlegs” case where on the 14^th a family is murdered. First thought to be just murders by the father figure but things just never set right with the FBI especially with Longlegs sending them incoherent coded messages. The daughter in the family is always the target of Longlegs; her birthday is on the 14^th every time as Harker is able to read the coded messages. Harker gets thrown into this unsolvable case mess as FBI finds out their special agent Harker was visited by Longlegs as a child and survived for an unknown reason. No matter what it comes too it is about “Hail Satan”! Trying not to give too much away about this super weird but entertaining as hell film. The further I got away from watching this feature the more I like it and want to go back for a rewatch sooner than later. You gotta enjoy when a film just gives you unsettling creepy vibes from beginning to end as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Curtains for Christmas (Blu-ray) – Great, just what we need another holiday film of goodness! But this isn’t just your usual Hallmark happy holiday festive bullcrap as director/co-writer Steve Rudzinski and co-writer Aileen Isley craft a tale of holiday terror about a young woman Holly who just wants Christmas to be perfect like her favorite holiday film. The film goes for the holiday throat in no time as Holly kills her boyfriend of eight months because he refuses to spend the holiday with her and won’t introduce Holly to his parents. (Absolutely love Holly chowing on the block of cheese depressingly watching her favorite holiday film). The murder is only the beginning as Holly now has conversations with an imaginary holiday rodent who is giving her advice as she believes there is still time for her to have the perfect Christmas like her favorite film. So why not go kill your way to having the perfect holiday where you fall in love, have a family, and it’s the greatest Christmas tale ever told. That is when she meets Jay and she puts her killing spree I mean plan into action. Everything from the gingerbread house contest to the fake kidnapped family for Holly makes this beyond entertaining and ends in a huge bloody mess of course. So grab the milk and cookies, and possibly a sharp knife to stab I mean to have with your loved one while watching this sick holiday treat as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Nano Shark (Tubi) – Maybe one of the surprises of 2024 is this entertaining shark film from filmmaker Brett Kelly. New tech has allowed scientists to possibly shrink a shark down to almost nothing to enter a boy’s bloodstream to seek out and kill a rare blood disease. But… you guessed it a janitor has the tiny shark and the tiny sub injected into his backside by accident. Now it’s up to the military sub team to guide the shark out of his peen hole before it goes back to its original size! Think ‘Innerspace’ with a shark on no budget. Just when you thought the shark ideas were done this hilarious flick comes along and proves there was one more shark movie related idea out there as I give this 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Cryptids (Dropbox) – Justin M. Seaman and Zane Hershberger at no time are not working on a project as they put together with some other filmmakers an anthology that uses the “Mothman Festival” as a back drop and the legendary movie host Joe Bob Briggs as Harlan Dean a radio host for a program about Cryptids. For this week’s show Harlan has asked callers to call in with stories that deal with cryptozoology! First story deals with a legend of “Melon Heads” or young people who were experimented on instead of being taken care of by their doctor and escaped the facility to live in the woods. Second story is about a park ranger and his partner facing off with a group of Sasquatches deep in the woods while looking for lost campers. (Which I quite enjoyed the ending) The third story is the hilarious entry of the bunch that I think holds the anthology together of a man who disappears in the woods after he finds a monstrous fish creature and has what seems like an acid trip? This story works well for where it is as it releases a little pressure of the tension that was built up by the first two stories. Fourth story is set on Halloween where a fisherman brings home a mysterious rock/large egg thing that he wants to use for his set up that night. Problem is the thing hatches and now little ghoulish things are running rampant through the house. The fifth is about two chupacabras chasing down individuals in a building for the fun of the Mexican cartel who watch it on closed circuit TV. The last story involves two young men who decide to have a monster hunt for a mysterious animal that may or may have not been eating all the neighborhood animals recently to set up a prank. The anthology comes in at a brisk 76 minutes with all entries being quite delightful and entertaining experiences into cryptozoology. The project is well casted, well shot, as has Justin and Zane showing off their talents once again in the world of low budget filmmaking as I give this anthology 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Dreams of the Dead (DVD) – Many moons ago (1994) a young Brad Sykes made a SOV horror film in Virginia but never released it, now it is soon to be. This bold and interesting horror vision introduces us to a young man named Adrian who begins to get letters to his home for a past resident who suddenly disappeared? The letters are all addressed to an Edgar Kim and this fascinates Adrian to the point of distracting him away from finishing a movie script with his friend. As Adrian slowly dwells on the mystery of Edgar Kim he begins to have visions of a beautiful woman who he doesn’t know but does know she is connected to Edgar in some way. Adrian refuses to let this go as it sucks him in deeper. Also let’s note I quite enjoyed the scene with Adrian looking up Edgar in the yellow pages oh those were the days in 1994. Without giving up the brilliant ending Brad’s film comes off more like a psychological thriller than a straight up horror film? I don’t know if Mr. Sykes pulled off exactly what he wanted but this movie has kind of a ‘Sledgehammer’ vibe that I believe will have SOV fans screaming to preorder this immediately as I give this project Mr. Sykes should be proud of 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

The Last Amityville Movie (Tubi) – For those of you still counting with me this is entry #59 into the long running franchise. This entry is from Josh Spiegel who plays himself in the film and considered a content creator and belongs to a horror online group that just covered the last Amityville film “Amityville Zoo”. Another pandemic comes down the pike affecting the world including trapping Josh’s wife and child in his hometown of Pittsburgh, Pa. Unemployed and a bored Josh begins to document everything online for his content during this new pandemic. One day Josh receives at his door a mysterious package from Amityville and it’s a doorknob? He makes fun of it online but immediately strange things begin to happen to him in his home. As things get weird he commits to filming everything until he can figure things out. Josh even has contact with a professor who explains that the doorknob is a cursed object from the original dwelling. Now Josh who recently bashed the Amityville series online and after some advice from a filmmaker of several entries has decided to turn this footage into a movie to hopefully be rid of the curse of Amityville. There are a lot of hilarious moments with Josh working in the absurdness of this series including “Amityville Vibrator”! Josh is all about breaking the curse including being chased by a bootleg CHUD in an alternate Amityville world?! I quite enjoyed this piece of entertaining cinema as Mr. Spiegel like Steve Rudzinski’s “Amityville Christmas Vacation” understood from the beginning to not take it too seriously. But just like Nathan Rumler’s “Amityville Vibrator” and the just mentioned Rudzinski project use your mind to put a great twist on the series that viewers will actually enjoy watching instead of moaning halfway through they are watching another shitty entry! Spiegel’s entry is well-crafted and a fun watch for all who have put themselves through watching so many of these Amityville movies as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Body Count (DVD/YouTube) – So this latest venture into Indy cinema stars Jennifer Nangle! But it doesn’t just star Ms. Nangle she goes all John Saxon “Zombie Deathhouse” on us and stars, directs, writes, editor, produces, etc. Everything except for the music which I may say will go unnoticed but might be Rocky Gray’s best work? Anyway Jennifer and others put together an anthology of where Queen of Screams Malvolia is trying to kill randos in the wraparound with her band of misfits as there are stories to be told that flesh out this entertaining anthology! First story has an actress who has made one too many mistakes in her career and trying to get back on track or has she? As she is just trying to put pieces together that would allow her to gain her revenge… Second story is about an all-girls weekend that takes a turn to the sadistic because someone still holds a grudge from 15 years ago for a prank! Third story is about a trio of friends who set out to kill vampires. Fourth story is about old friends getting together and something goes horribly wrong as what was planned is turned upside down. Fifth story is about a woman who kills to get what she wants but runs into someone far more sinister because she hasn’t stuck with the code of witches. Before you flutter your eyes at another Indy anthology take note this was impressive as I mentioned Ms. Nangle decided to make this happen in all aspects of filmmaking which is impressive. And yes we all know unless it is “Creepshow” I am already gonna dislike the anthology but remember I also made one recently… What is funny about this one is Jennifer showed off more of her talent that most may give her credit for? Yeah the anthology isn’t perfect (it isn’t Creepshow) but she put together a 100 minute project that isn’t boring, doesn’t drag, or rely on nudity to get across what she wanted on screen and for that kudos as I give 3 out of 4 stars for this entertaining piece of art.

Great Documentaries I got to check out this year!

Blood, Guts and Sunshine 2: The History of Horror Made in Florida (DVD) – A sequel from Chris Woods who once again dives into the rich history of filmmaking in Florida. There are lots of stories and interviews with such legends Fred Olen Ray, J.R. Bookwalter, Sean Donohue, Chris Woods himself, along with a few well known online movie critics. The first entry dealt with a lot of recent Indy films that have been released and made there where this sequel explains the history of some of our favorite horror films being made there but how different parts of the state can be used for any part of the world for said film. I quite enjoyed also this documentary felt a little more polished than the first but the real gem might be Fred Olen Ray telling stories of how he sold his first film and his experiences early on in his career. Rather entertaining B-movie stuff that very few could pull off or even be done today. Entertaining as hell kids as I give this project 4 out of 4 stars and believe me you will learn something that you didn’t know from this doc. Soon to be available through www.gatorbladefilms.com

In Search of the Last Action Heroes (Tubi) – An absolute gem of a documentary that talks all about action films and how they got started to how they have fizzled out these days. Everything from James Bond to Bruce Lee to George Miller to how filmmakers were inspired by 50s and 60s westerns to make the modern action film! This has a bit of everything to interest even the occasional viewer of action movies as I give it 4 stars.

Mad Max Exposed (Tubi) – An hour long documentary on everything Mad Max that covers everything from the stunts, the people who were a part of them, how they planned the movie, the design of the cars, to nothing stopping George Miller in putting together a film that changed car chase scenes forever. All of the cast exception of George Miller and Mel Gibson share stories throughout the hour that will have any Mad Max fan beaming and entertained in seconds as I give it 4 stars.

Dario Argento Panico (Shudder) – A documentary that thoroughly goes through the career of the Italian horror master and those who worked with him. The film takes you on a deep dive of Argento and what exactly lured and inspired him into filmmaking. There is also in-depth interviews with both of Dario’s daughters, yes you heard me right… both daughters! I only knew of Asia. Dario also has conversations about how his filmmaking shaped his family through the years as this is not just brilliant but eye opening doc on the legendary filmmaker as I give it 4 stars.

Men in Suits (YouTube) – This is a fascinating look at people in the monster suits we all grew up with that were in some of the most famous monster suits ever made for Hollywood films. Learned about this documentary while reading a book on ‘Creature from the Black Lagoon’ about a young lady who was the driving force behind this historical creature and all the work she did. You can find the book on Amazon and it’s called “The Lady from the Black Lagoon”. Real cool shit that proved some things I heard throughout the years. But anyway this documentary takes an inside look of who and why they do what they do. If you are all about practical effects, you are going to want to search this one out as I give it 4 stars.

Worst movie of the year that I watched…

Cheerleader Chainsaw Chicks (DVD) – A 2018 film that might be one of the worst things I have watched since “Amityville Mt. Misery Rd.” This was absolute crap! A trio of young ladies head to a cheerleader camp that is on a movie lot only to have their camp invaded by the three stooges of criminals because they hid their stash there! Complete nonsense happens as a dog is traded for the stash and no one dies by chainsaws… hell there is only three cheerleaders in the movie the exception is a quick edit of another team in another room for five seconds. This is a case of the filmmaker believes they are smarter and funnier than the audience and breaking news they are not. I hate to say this if anything this is a prime example of a movie that not only insults actual independent filmmakers but gives Indy films a bad name. Be aware I have already found the “WORST FILM I HAVE WATCHED IN 2024 ALREADY” as I give this 0 stars.

Gross Movie Reviews #656

Posted on December 9, 2024 by grossmoviereviews

Red Light District Shark Attack (Fawesome/DVD) – So Amsterdam sex workers are experimenting with a new drug at their brothel that mistakenly makes baby sharks. Of course some fat horny dude heads out to same whorehouse in Amsterdam for some sex and drugs! Working lady convinces fat guy to take said experimental drug and not only loses weight immediately, he becomes half shark/half man. The rest of the movie is about the young sex workers trying to stop half shark/half man from feasting on their hot little bodies. Short film form would have been much better for an idea like this… But trying to stretch it into feature form to get distribution is just sad and makes for a boring Indy shark movie that gets 0 stars.

Apex Predators 2: The Spawning (Fawesome/DVD) – Dustin Ferguson doing a smart a second time around takes a cue from the famous sequel to ‘Piranha’. The sharks are back attacking people heading to the beach and this time they fly on shore to get their meal as the all-important volleyball tournament is about to go down. This means feeding frenzy for the mutated sharks! The film stars the likes of Vernon Wells, Indy horror host Jennifer Nangle, and Eric Larsen as Jennifer Nangle’s character intermittently takes you through the tragic events of flying sharks by telling the viewer how she survived the attacks. A vast improvement over the first film as I gotta give this sequel 2 ½ stars.

Phil Herman’s Unearthed (DVD) – Phil Herman has churned out several anthologies over the past few years and this one seems to have a different vibe than the ones I have viewed in the past. This Indy anthology installment felt like it wasn’t playing by all the rules in search of giving the viewer an entertaining but different take as these four tales tackle: missing persons, alien abduction, demon possession, and mystical serial killer? You get to see some cool acting talents such as Heather Harlow, Debbie D, and Tina Krause among other famous people in what I describe as a deep dark thriller of an anthology. I do believe the Indy folk will enjoy these entertaining tales as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Operation Fortune (DVD) – Nic Cage has done a similar film but I will always have a soft spot for Guy Ritchie and Jason Statham project. Orson works for the government and is on holiday until he is pulled off by his handler to seek why something nasty was stolen? Orson gets a new crew together along with a Hollywood action star so they can get info at a charity event that an arms dealer is hosting. Point is they need to hack the arms dealer’s cell phone so they know what this thing “The Handle” is being sold too and what exactly or how nasty is this thing? “The Handle” turns out to be the ultimate AI key that will crash the world financial system. Gimme Jason Statham and Guy Ritchie all day as I give this fun action flick 3 stars.

Intrusive (DVD) – Even at 66 minutes this slow burn but effective Indy project is from Eric Shapiro who keeps it simple but complex if that makes any sense. Sabina gets a hotel room and makes an appointment with a spiritual healer because she claims an ancient woman is very loud in her head. This woman in Sabina’s head is not allowing her to sleep or function any longer and needs immediate help from Kelly. Kelly is going to use hypnosis to help Sabina but after a few miscues feels Sabina needs professional help. But Sabina explains the voice is what led her to Kelly which intrigues Kelly why and how deep does this go? As they go back and forth through the session the story fills out and eventually comes full circle. This was a nice changeup in the usual Indy stuff I watch and recommend to people as I do recommend checking this project out as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

The Lost Platoon (VHS) – You had me at: 1990 David Prior production that deals with an aging reporter investigating a war skirmish in Nicaragua. During a fight with rebels and seeing a man in camp he believes he had encountered this man before, in a different war? The grizzled reporter is obsessed with the four soldiers who haven’t seemed to age for years. His interest gets him in trouble as they reveal themselves as vampires but they are there warring with an evil general that seems to know them also. A somewhat fun low budget vampire film that I give 2 stars too.

The Mouse Trap (Xumo Play) – So the original Mickey Mouse went public domain and of course it didn’t take long for someone to cash in on the name or fail miserably with this project. I dare you to like this garbage. Alex is stuck working her arcade job during her 21^st birthday but surprise her friends are the reason why as they wanted to hang with her. Once all are in a dude with the old school Mickey Mouse mask locks the place down to murder the young people one by one while teleporting. Also can we stop the whole “everyone hand over your cell phone as we are going to have fun without them” cliché? No fucking way a 21 year old is going to unglue their phone from their hand to put it in a bag! For the love of Rutger Hauer that is such a dumb lazy story arc. Bottom line horror fans they thought they were smarter than everyone else in rushing this project and all it did was give horror fans an unwatchable mess as I give it 0 stars.

Ninja vs. Shark (Shudder) – An interesting concept that could only be done in Japan as Lord Koshiro Mizuchi sends his minions of the “Crimson Devil Clan” to kidnap, kill, and steal pearls from a small coastal village. The mayor of this village is desperate so why not hire a bodyguard for the village to fight back this evil before they all die or become slaves. This film besides bringing the gore tries to totally entertain with a shark attacking people, half shark/half man (done right unlike a certain movie Red Light District Shark Attack) that eats certain people for said Lord to become younger, ninja fights, some Mortal Kombat shit going down, but most importantly we do get a legit ninja vs. shark! Yes enjoy this craziness as I give you this hidden international gem 3 stars.

King on Screen (Shudder) – A crowd funded project with a ton of interviews with filmmakers who brought Stephen King’s books to the screen. It tries to cover everything but gets caught up on discussing ‘The Shinning’ and for good reason (horror fans pay attention). It does bring up the relationship between King and Romero and as fun as that is there is little if no attention paid to such films: Salem’s Lot, Graveyard Shift, Cat’s Eye, The Dark Half, and Maximum Overdrive. This documentary felt like a mixed bag of sorts but there could be numerous reasons different projects were not discussed or not as much for my liking as I give the project 2 stars.

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Gross Movie Reviews #655

Posted on December 2, 2024 by grossmoviereviews

Seven Cemeteries (On Demand) – Stars Danny Trejo as Santana, a man wrongly accused of murder then jailed for a few decades has finally gotten released. His first stop out of prison is to show up at a ranch that has been under attack by a druglord who intends to use it for the drug trade because its location on the border. Within minutes Santana is gunned down by the local sheriff but saved by a witch who wants to help him since he is a good man. He is given the power to bring back the dead in order to help this woman save her ranch! Santana collects his gang of undead and begin the fight of their lives to do the right thing in this bloody battle with a druglord. The film is cheesy, hilarious, and super entertaining as I give it 3 stars.

The Block Island Sound (4K Ultra HD) – A 2020 film from the McManus Brothers that I never heard of but begins to tell the story of dead fish washing up on shore of a coastal town and birds falling dead out of the sky. These things seem to be causing some issues with Harry’s father that he is unaware of until his father disappears at sea one early morning. Besides Harry is having trouble dealing with his father alone since his mother’s death, his sister Audry has come into town as this immediately causes issues before the disappearance. A few days go by as the father washes up on shore dead but this isn’t enough for Harry as he travels out on the boat to the location where his father disappeared and finds out the real answer the hard way. This project feels like a slow burn ‘X-Files’ episode without FBI agents or similar to ‘Fire in the Sky’ film. The disc has quite a few extras concerning the McManus Brothers: commentary, family home movies, segments on effects, cast, and shooting a smaller budgeted film on the water as I give the package 3 out of 4 stars and can be found at www.synapsefilms.com .

The Nailgun Massacre (4K Ultra HD) – As Joe Bob Briggs would say “does it need a 4k version with all the bells and whistles? No, but you know Tim Gross is gonna get it at some point!” Anyway by some chance you have never had the pleasure? This is a story of a young woman who is brutally raped on a construction site by several men. Shortly after the tragic event someone dressed up with a motorcycle helmet on and armed with an air powered Nailgun nails people to trees, the road, to each other. Simple but very effective or penetrating story as the tagline suggests from R.I.P. Terry Lofton who I can actually consider a friend because of my love for the film and getting to meet him. This is a wonderful packed to the gills or full clip on the Nailgun full of extras involving Terry Lofton and the cast that includes a few commentaries and an old Q&A with Joe Bob Briggs. There is a Blu-ray and 4K disc in this set as I feel Terror Vision did an absolutely dam good job in putting together such a special package that Terry Lofton would be proud of as I give it 4 stars.

Mummy Shark (Fawesome) – A maybe intentional or unintentional horror film from Mark Polonia that concerns some explorers uncovering an ancient shark buried under the great pyramids. The archeological dig has disturbed the ancient being and it thirsts for blood. When the explorers are not trying to escape the great shark god look for Tim Hatch trying to get people to eat the Dollar General/Dollar Tree (Fast Bites) cheeseburgers most of the film that had me laughing so hard. (P.S. those cheap ass burgers are wonderful.) If that isn’t enough enjoy Mark Polonia grilling Vegan food in a CGI jungle. Leave it to Polonia to give Indy horror fans a hilarious take on if a Mummy Shark existed as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Camp Blood: Clown Shark (Fawesome) – Someday I have warned readers I will track down all the ‘Camp Blood’ movies just like I did with the ‘Witchcraft’ series and ongoing with the ‘Amityville’ series. But until then I settled to check out the Jeff Kirkendall and Mark Polonia venture that concerns a slasher with a clown shark?! Set at Camp Blackwood as a beautiful woman Jerry is chased down by the killer clown but turns the tables on him as she beheads him. Six months later the spirit of the killer clown takes over a random fish and turns it into a killer clown shark. Jerry has to return to the scene of the crime to put to rest her visions/nightmares of the killer clown that she once thought was dead. This movie was more entertaining than I thought it could be as I give 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Catnado “Tales of Feline Terror” (Fawesome) – Apparently a Donald Farmer presents project that has several different stories of people with this new natural disaster “Catnado” and the fallout that follows. I have quite enjoyed some of Donald Farmer’s work over the years but I didn’t find this funny or interesting that honestly if you don’t have Steve Rudzinski attached to something like this then you have gone about it all wrong as I give it 0 out of 4 stars.

Pandasaurus (Fawesome) – Beware horror fans if you are looking for a straight up monster flick as Mark Polonia goes for dry humor in this project and hits gold! A couple who own a struggling small town zoo claimed they found an egg to a new species of animal as they raise it as their own at the zoo. This new thing is called “Pandasaurus”. The couple believes it is harmless as they raised it as their pet and once it gotten bigger as an attraction for the zoo. But some others outside of the zoo feel this is a danger to society and needs to be studied by the government unlike their therapist played by Mark Polonia who believes the thing is a hoax and the couple is completely off their rocker! The Pandasaurus escapes and people start to disappear as I gotta give Mr. Polonia kudos for pulling off something a little different in this genre as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

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Gross Movie Reviews #654

Posted on November 25, 2024 by grossmoviereviews

Street Trash (Amazon/remake) – I totally forgot this was even happening because it’s just one of those films that are too much of a “cult hit” to be remade or not enough people know about the original? But I kept an open mind especially since the dude that gave us the weird ass flick ‘Fried Barry’ this just made me curious in general. Anyway, set in Cape Town, South Africa where the homeless are growing and trying to fight back. Apparently the plan from the mayor is to exterminate the homeless with drones! Which makes them even more dangerous is a scientist on the mayor’s payroll has figured out the formula for the “Viper” liquid that is turned into a gas for the drones to use on the homeless. The gas will melt the homeless with no chance of survival. But the homeless have a plan to fight back in this gooey mess of a remake and that is cool by me as I give the remake project 3 stars.

12 to Midnight (Xumo Play) – Think about the title for a minute and know that this flick stars Robert Bronzi aka bootleg Chuck Bronson! Oh by the way spoiler alert instead of a naked dude killing nurses it’s a werewolf slaughtering people and that includes Detective Toth’s wife. Daniel Roebuck, Sadie Katz, Tito Ortiz round out the cast as Toth isn’t dealing with the death of his wife well and thrown off the force. But Toth is quickly brought back in as the serial killer is piling up bodies that resemble the murder of his wife. Now Toth goes tracking down a werewolf and drug dealers for revenge. Its cheesy, not exactly making a lot of sense, but its bootleg Chuck Bronson vs. werewolf so I give it 2 ½ stars.

Operation Blood Hunt (On Demand) – This werewolf film takes place during WWII in the South Pacific. The Reverend is a supernatural expert who used to be Special Forces that is wanted by the military to travel to this island in the South Pacific to investigate why a group of marines have disappeared? He and his group have 48 hours but they are warned it might be the Japanese Imperial Army they run into? Besides many slaughtered bodies, The Reverend and others find gold as the real reason some of the military brass wanted professionals to go in. This movie was disappointing as the trailer made it out to be lots of WWII werewolf fun instead we got lots of filler with a disappointing concept and costumes as I give it 1 star.

Terror of the Master (Fawesome) – Found an early 1998 SOV flick from a young Jeff Kirkendall that involves a young local news reporter Drew Thompson who feels she hasn’t had her chance just yet. During this thriller girls go missing and recently Drew seen a girl at her second job who was kidnapped in the latest of the local disappearances. Drew being the investigator along with her sister go probing around town and find two bank robbers have a connection to the missing girls. Soon after Drew is kidnapped and Drew learns the criminals made a deal with a vampire to protect and feed it as he will turn them. It is a rough around the edges SOV flick but has a certain thriller charm that SOV fans will eat up as I give the film 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Amp House Massacre (Tubi) – A movie where if you are over the age of 25 you will hate the characters immediately and enjoy their deaths as they happen. But there is a point to this folks as the story centers around Mario Stillwell, a social media influencer who started as a no one in 2020 and now is the biggest thing out there in digital land. He comes up with the idea of buying a mansion for all his friends to feel safe to party and influence (yes, I hate myself for just saying that). They all move in and things are going great with the likes, subscribes, and money until Mario dies at the one year anniversary party that was being live streamed. One year after Mario’s death the influencers’ friendship is fractured as they believe they are stale and need to bring in new money to rebrand. Soon as the new face shows up the house is locked down as the influencers have their deepest secret revealed and die horribly one by one. Surprisingly the movie is watchable for the mere fact you are probably going to root for many if not all to die as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Halloweenight (DVD) – A 2009 Indy film where Mark Polonia directs, John Polonia wrote, Jon McBride did the music, and Brett Piper did the effects. If you are an Indy fan do you even need to know what it’s about? Because I wanted to see it soon as I seen all that! So some local college students (the oldest ones on film ever) decide to mess with Creepy Harold’s scarecrow as a prank before their big Halloween party. Crazy Harold doesn’t take to kindly to this event and swears revenge as he steals a heart, performs a ritual, and then places it in his beloved scarecrow. Now prepared Crazy Harold sends his evil scarecrow to wreck the big party for his revenge. Also check out the wicked ass skeleton thing the scarecrow becomes at the end of the film as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Hallow Gate (Blu-ray) – Terror Vision reaches deep into the grab bag of Tim’s teenage video rentals of 1989 with this Halloween cheapie that was released in 1988 and they gave it the special treatment. We begin with a young boy Mark at his Halloween party bobbing for apples with friends where his father takes offense and almost drowns the boy. Mark swears his hatred for Halloween and has a run-in with a young lady as a gas station attendant. After the dust settles a judge believes it would be in the best interest for Mark to stay with Grandma as long as he is taking his meds instead of being in prison. Mark is quietly reading one evening until he doesn’t take his meds, kills Grandma, and then orders costumes for his party. Some kids are convinced to deliver the costumes who become trapped by Mark as he dresses up for each kill at the mansion. One of my favorite death scenes in the Ray Di Zazzo flick is the slow moving tractor scene as it’s so hilariously slow. There are a couple interviews, commentary, and Shocktail hour. Now they have the cleaned up print and the original on this disc which the cleaned up version looks great but seems to have some low volume issues at the beginning of the movie as I give the package 3 stars.

Vigilant (YouTube) – That damn Phil Brocklehurst has made another short film as he never stops working. This short deals with a man who hears a voice that says “kill”. Is it justice, a dream, or is it something more as this man feels criminals should be put to death? An interesting concept that felt like it could be fleshed out more with same effect but this filmmaker has a certain style that is effective and leaves us viewers wanting more as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Trivial (DVD) – Indy vet James L. Edwards brings something different in this feature as an online game show yet seen by the public is hosted by Laurel Edmonds is about to go live with its first episode that applies “Revenge… Torture… Murder… “, according to the show’s opening. She has a partner that helps her kidnap unknowing victims and places them on the show. The contestants give a right answer they have a chance to move on but if they give a wrong trivia answer they must be punished. And three wrong answers mean death in this sadistic game show. Laurel lives to torture and only she can be right in this gritty sadistic underground streaming game show. This can be an uncomfortable watch for some as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Talk to Me (Blu-ray) – An Australian horror film where a group of friends have found the new high as they have found a something that allows them to conjure spirits. It is believed to be a party trick for friends to post on social media apps but it is believed when Mia and friends hit up a party where the game happens. It consists the person to hold this hand that may or may not been cut off a psychic that allows the person holding hands to see into the other side. It’s all fun and games for Mia and friends until it hits home when Mia’s mother is one of the spirits that visits but when you are left holding hands too long they will take you over. Such as a young kid who begins to smash his head in because the spirits have him and this causes Mia to become obsessed with speaking to her mother and learning if she really committed suicide. This film has the creepiness of ‘Flatliners’ and ‘The Innkeepers’ as it does the whole conjuring spirit thing right as I give the project 3 stars.

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Gross Movie Reviews #653

Posted on November 21, 2024 by grossmoviereviews

Onyx the Fortuitous The Talisman of Souls (DVD) – This is an odd bird of a movie where the plot revolves around a fanboy character Marcus who still lives at home with mom (Barbara Crampton) and works at the local “Meat Mart”. But Marcus is really into this dude Bartok who worships Satan that has a contest of where five selected people get the chance to hang out in Bartok’s mansion. The five from all different walks of life all very into Bartok (Jeffrey Combs) the Great make it to the mansion for the ritual. The goal of this ritual is to bring forth the evil god Abaddon for immortality and Bartok to rule. But the five get curious and wonder what is really up with Bartok as they have odd dreams as they believe there is a prophecy about this event as not all Bartok can be true? Yeah the movie has a few flaws but we get Jeffrey Combs coming off as a doppelganger of Michael Ironside in ‘Turbo Kid’, Barbara Crampton being delightful as always, ghouls, monsters, and the vibe of this being some weird mid-90s fever dream I once had when I was 20. This movie might be odd but it was an absolute hoot to watch so give it a chance as I give it 4 stars.

The Stalking (Amazon) – Jeff Kirkendall and Mark Polonia keep it quick where small town America has a witch that casts a dark spell on the town near the Halloween holiday. Now the unsuspecting townsfolk are being attacked by killer sunflowers as I give it 2 stars as I felt there was more to this movie we never got to saw? Have to give these two credit for having a SOV movie going for that 50s drive-in or old horror host movie vibe.

Werewolf Santa (Tubi) – First this UK holiday flick had me at the title but second Joe Bob Briggs doing a narration or a little story telling at the beginning of the film to set it all up about Lucy and Christmas Eve was wonderful. Lucy runs a YouTube show about monster hunting that is viewed by many until she has caught Santa being bitten by a werewolf. Now Lucy wants to have Santa turned back before she has to kill Santa Claus. The film has its moments but feels choppy at best most times but I still gotta give it 2 ½ stars.

Frankie Freako (On Demand) – The guy known for ‘The Void’ and ‘Psycho Gorman’ decides to do a weird reboot of ‘Ghoulies’ if it was smashed together with ‘Cabbage Patch Kids’ with John Carl Buechler smiling somewhere. The film has a young married man Connor who is considered a square with his boring ass life until he sees a party line ad for Frankie Freako. You know one of those 1-900#s that he calls and suddenly Connor’s life is turned upside down after Frankie Freako and friends visit to party! But that is only half of the problem as the president from Frankie’s world has sent things to crossover to capture and bring them all back. Yes the film is fun and has the vibe of a failed 90s Saturday morning pilot for Nickelodeon but throughout the film there is just that little something missing to put it over the top for me. Even if I give it only 3 stars I do believe there will be others that enjoy this project more than I did but no matter what I do know John Carl Buechler would be proud knowing stuff like this exists!

The Bouncer (all streaming platforms) – A gritty, fast-paced action film that keeps it simple about Frank Sharp, a man with a past who is trying to hide in plain sight being a bouncer for the good money. Frank plans on paying for his mother’s hospital bills but it’s not ideal when you are a wanted man. Mr. Sharp doing what he believe is right even though he was warned to let it go makes a sharp turn into having life in constant hard mode as he rescues a young woman Sylvia from a mob boss Mr. Kane who has slapped her around. Frank quickly figure out this isn’t going to be easily forgotten and must stay hidden until he can plan an escape as Mr. Kane is an unforgiving Russian mob dude. This international project does a smart with its great use of locations, great casting, tight and exciting action scenes to keep it entertaining for all as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars. P.S. a reminder again not all cool action films need an overblown budget and star the Rock.

Santa Isn’t Real (Tubi) – It is Christmas time of course and Santa has come down the chimney to eat your holiday cookies and kill your ass or that is what happened to Nikki last Christmas Eve. Now spending almost a full year in a coma and its believed her near death experience was a suicide attempt she wakes to find friends wanting to take her away to a hidden cabin for fun, booze, and reconnecting. But Nikki is nervous rightfully so as she believes Santa is real and will kill all of them. The biggest problem with this holiday film is within five minutes of it starting you know everything that is going to happen including the ending with no holiday charm or anything. Expected fun holiday horror with a title like that but felt like Santa passed over this one as you should too this holiday season as I gotta give it a fat jolly zero stars.

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Just in time for the holidays!

Posted on November 16, 2024 by grossmoviereviews

Infinite Santa 8000 (Blu-ray) – One of my favorite Indy releases over the years is an animated feature from two brilliant minded people Michael Neel and Greg Ansin. Funny thing is it has been about ten years since I first reviewed this masterpiece of cinema coming to DVD. Now finally getting the special edition treatment through a great company Synapse Films more people will get to witness the glorious movie that I have talked about for years. This is a mind-blowing post-apocalyptic animation set thousands of years into the future where Santa still thrives or now just survives looking for people who still have the Christmas spirit. We begin with a narration to catch up the viewer “of how we got here” as Cyborg Santa is about to ‘Thunderdome’ with another in order to win sacks of meat as food is scarce in this world. Yes folks, our future are super violent, robots have taken over earth, and Santa must fight to survive but he still lives in the North Pole! What keeps the jolly bastard going these days is a robot girl named Martha who when not training loves to hang out with Santa in his workshop and hear stories of Christmas past. But after a mysterious visitor one evening Martha is kidnapped from Santa’s Ranch and we are off to the races with complete chaos as Santa and his robotic reindeer jump into action to chase down an evil rabbit! Martha’s and our holiday hero discover this is only the beginning as a thing from the past Dr. Shockleton and her mutant army are on course to not only to rid the world of the Santa menace but to reshape the world into her own. For movie nerds out there let me break this down: imagine elements of the film Wizards, Adult Swim programming, scenes from the original Terminator and Mad Max films, and a character that is a straight up an old school Bond villain, and a soundtrack that feels like lost audio tracks from early Slayer mashed together into this beautiful piece of animation that in the end is all about the Christmas spirit! And what is even better is this is the director’s cut with extended and new scenes added including a little look into who Dr. Shockleton is after credits?! To me what makes this even more special is the short interviews with the voices of the cast so you get to see and hear who these talented people are, the original 13 part web series of this project, audio commentary from the dynamic duo themselves Michael Neel and Greg Ansin, music videos, plus more than anything this feature being on Blu-ray I believe makes everything in this feature pop and look even better than it ever did when watching it ten years ago on YouTube and such. This brilliant piece of holiday cinema will make a great addition to horror fans’ collections but also yearly holiday movie watching for years to come as my opinion has never changed giving it 4 out of 4 stars and now officially can be found at www.synapsefilms.com .

Gross Movie Reviews #652

Posted on November 15, 2024 by grossmoviereviews

Space Sharks (On Demand) – In this Indy CGI-fest space debris falls to earth to have killer plants killing hikers in the mountains and a weird POV camera that is supposed to be a space shark stalking people. Not a whole lot happens in this 60 minute feature and that is without the long ass credits but besides you falling asleep there is of course a conspiracy about space sharks. Honestly, I was expecting more with a title like that but was very disappointed as this movie should give its cool title back as I give it 0 stars so consider yourself warned.

Crackcoon (Amazon) – Yes, admittedly I was a little critical of this recent Brad Twigg feature because I thought it missed the boat (Cocaine Bear)? Well thank Mr. Twigg for proving me wrong as the film opens with a quite fun death scene as super crack has hit the streets! This new strain of drugs is turning people into crazed killers so imagine when a couple drug dealers throw their stash out the window and a raccoon gets ahold of it. The drugged murder-crazed animal wastes no time going on a murderous rampage all over the mountain where it lived. Meanwhile a forest ranger who has no business being married to Jessa Flux just wants the small town sheriff to take these animal attacks serious. The story is outrageous, loved the cast (the Frankie character steals the film), hilarious kills, and special thanks to filmmaker Brad Twigg for restoring my faith that a good Indy movie can be made out of a terrible idea that was most likely said out loud when everybody was drunk… I give the film 3 out of 4 stars.

Death Streamer (Full Moon) – Charles Band is working his black magic again of going back to what made Full Moon, Full Moon? Small cast, great location, and an interesting horror story to be told as it worked in the early 90s and it has been working again here in the 2020s. With this new bloodsucker film has a vampire live streaming his feedings at an S&M club to select viewers. But to the vampire’s disgust some web show investigators called ‘Church of Chills’ stumble upon this unique and intriguing show. They want to know if the murders are staged or actually real to get the clicks, the interest in their show uncovering this hidden gem. Once they dive head first into the history of the club they find out a lot more than they bargain for. Saying it out loud it may sound like you have seen several versions of this plot already but do me a favor and let your guard down on this one. It’s worth the quick watch as Mr. Band is clearly establishing a new wave of Full Moon fun in Cleveland, Ohio as I give this film 3 out of 4 stars.

Monster Bash (Tubi) – I can always look forward to Asylum Entertainment making hot garbage from time to time that is so damn watchable as you had me at Michael Madsen is Dr. Frankenstein. The good doctor is sending his monster out into the night to collect things for a certain experiment he needs to perform as his life is coming to an end. His goal is to become a god among men or to become an unkillable abomination by collecting certain things from Dracula, Mummy, The Invisible Man, and Wolfman. This causes an unlikely team-up to stop the madman Dr. Frankenstein. The movie is so terrible its brilliant as you should grab the friends and beer and enjoy this for what it is and be happy it exists as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Glowzies (Tubi) – So a trio of mountain bikers happens to come upon an old mill building that has been fenced off for years. But the three unleash something that has been trapped for the past three decades until the government can decide a proper clean up but have forgotten about it. Doesn’t take long for glowy-eyed zombies attacking people but that is the least of the plotlines here as the material making everyone a zombie is an alien element that had the government decide to leave the survivors there after they try to mind swipe them? Or just have old dudes called ‘the watchdogs’ to scream at anyone “don’t go up there” that comes even remotely close to the location. What’s the solution for the zombies, how about surf music as it makes their heads explode which allows me to give the film 2 stars.

Blood and Breakfast (Vimeo) – This Indy feature from Mark Byrne has worked in the Indy genre for several years and his latest project is a clever concept that stars a few familiar Indy vets that fans will enjoy. Story centers on an old fashion bed and breakfast ‘The Amberson House’ where several strangers staying there happen to share stories and understand they have all been survivors of a serial killer. The strangers staying at the inn after sharing their stories are now being picked off one by one. The film feels like an old school horror tale to be told but at the same time the film from beginning to end felt like it was missing something I could never put my finger on that would put it over big as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

Chum (DVD) – Another Indy film project from Jason Graves where within a few years into the future the great white shark has gone extinct. But this hasn’t stopped scientists from engineering a new breed of shark to make a comeback. Of course learning nothing from ‘Jurassic Park’ the baby sharks get released and head off to chomp down on some humans in the closest small town. When describing the film or watching the trailer it looks fun but by the end you feel more annoyed than entertained by the baby rubber sharks as I give it 1 ½ stars.

Festival of the Living Dead (Tubi) – So this horror movie exists in some weird space for horror fans as its main plot is the events of ‘Night of the Living Dead’ in 1968 were real. Now fast forward to present time a young woman ‘Ash’ who is the granddaughter of Ben has a chance to attend the 55^th Festival of the Living Dead music event that celebrates those who died then. Ash’s bestie Iris decides to watch Ash’s brother so she can have a birthday of a lifetime but instead after her boyfriend wrecks the car taking a short cut the group quickly figure out there is flesh-eaters taking over! The day quickly becomes the worst birthday ever as Ash, Iris, and friends must survive the zombie attack before they nuke the event in order to control the outbreak. I give the film 3 stars as it is a solid story and I may not be a fan of the end or ending of a certain character I do feel this will be a tough watch for horror fans or more specifically NOTLD fans to give a fair viewing? Before you judge this flick let’s remember horror fans there is a project called “Children of the Living Dead” and someone thought it was a good idea to film new footage to the original 1968 film? So take this one in with a grain of salt and I will be here to discuss after viewing if needed.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Gross Movie Reviews #650

Posted on October 28, 2024 by grossmoviereviews

Salem’s Lot (Max/remake) – So apparently it was time to remake Tobe Hooper’s late 70s TV movie based on the Stephen King’s writing again… but wait first off why did this sit around as a finished film for a couple years and second did we really need an update after that TNT debacle in the early 2000s? Well, there really isn’t any good answer why this film sat around as other remakes of King’s work made it out there immediately. Now on the other thing I feel horror movie fans totally blanked out that this had been remade before but anyhow that is for another conversation. What this film did right was go back to having it set in the 70s of Jerusalem’s Lot as they gave it few little twists enough to make it different but in the same vein as the original. We get Barlow being creepy again, Ben Mears coming back to visit the small town for inspiration, but also we get a solid vampire film that comes under two hours. I was waiting for a shitshow instead you get something old horror fans like myself can show younger people and introduce them to a fun Stephen King movie adaption as I give it 3 stars.

Meth Gator (Tubi) – The movie didn’t start off wonderful as it didn’t believe in the “steadycam” mode for the first five minutes but don’t let that scare you off as Fred Olen Ray’s kid knew exactly what needed to be done. Anyway two meth makers are chased into the swamp of small town Florida to only drop their meth while being chased by cops. Of course it is eaten by a giant gator and we are off to the cliché race of the giant gator becoming an unstoppable human eating machine because it is seeking out more meth! Think ‘Jaws’ formula combined with ‘Cocaine Bear’. Hell even the mayor is a cool familiar face in Patrick Labyorteaux who plays a great dickhead mayor who could care less about the methed up gator. It is a solid horror film about a rampaging gator as I give it 3 stars. I do have to ask why the computerized gator runs like a bear, just an observation.

Shark Exorcist 2: Unholy Waters (DVD) – The legend Donald Farmer is back behind the camera with a who’s who in front for this crazy devil shark Indy horror film. Those damn crazy nuns go raising the devil shark again to have their blessing in killing everyone, meanwhile we also get a priest who is haunted by his brother’s past and knows he must stop this devil shark. While the darklord hunts for its next victim Jessa Flux just wants wine and be at a beach but not that shark beach? If we are being honest here this movie comes off as a mess compared to some of the more recent work that Farmer has done. It isn’t terrible but I can’t tell Indy fans that it’s good either as I got to give it 1 ½ stars.

Blood Mountain Massacre (Tubi) – Yes kids, I have tracked down another “massacre” title and this was a fun one. A dangerous inmate has escaped prison transport and now stalks an all-girl band on the road. To keep the film interesting the killer wears a pig mask, they introduce another possible stalker, the music is actually good, throw in a couple of scumbags that run a bar, some actual thought out cool kills on a low budget, and the movie is played for laughs and we get one hell of a messy but fun horror film. To explain how serious the movie is besides the party scene of a band member bringing out a cement bag of cocaine we get a bartender telling a story that has very quotable hilarious lines about why he wears an eye patch such as: “Her pussy blew up!” and “The bar was full of VAG shrapnel!” I literally laughed the rest of the way through the movie because of the bartender story as I give the film 3 stars.

The Legend of Crick Foot (Vimeo) – First time filmmaker Bone Jawnson takes a cue from the original ‘The Legend of Boggy Creek’ (maybe?) to come up with an urban Sasquatch legend in Hatfield, Pa. The documentary or mockumentary is about a man who is trying to gather as much info about this legend in Hatfield through stories and interviews. But mainly the man is only finding empty hot dog wrappers and a mystery of what exactly is going on. Entertaining no budget Indy take on the Boggy Creek thing that I can give 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Strange Darling (On Demand) – This serial killer film definitely lived up to its title of being “strange”. The film is the tragic story of many lives taken by a serial killer that spanned a two year period in the Northwest area of the U.S. It is told in six chapters out of order but if it was told in order the movie would have been a very boring concept. The killer spirals out of control after a weird kinky meeting between a man and a woman in a hotel room. That’s about the gist of this strange film because if I say anymore I will give it away and I rather you watch it and decide if this is for you as it just came off more weird than anything to me as I give it 2 stars. The biggest issue with this film will be the rewatchablity so good luck if you feel different.

Halloween Horror Tales (DVD) – A 2018 Indy anthology directed by Jeff Kirkendall that takes place in the small town of Barnum where strange things have always happened. First story is about a killer clown where the victim kills the wrong clown. The second story is a different take on a horror hostess bit. Third story is a no budget story about a killer plant that harkens back to some of the old school 50s flicks. The fourth and final story is about a vampire but the investigator not believing in the bloodsucker was actually kind of refreshing. All the stories were interesting, solid, and Kirkendall knew to keep this at a great running time that makes me encourage Indy fans to check this Halloween fright flick out as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

The Addams Family: Halloween Special (YouTube) – This 1977 TV movie on NBC was actually supposed to be a pilot to bring back the show as most of the regulars showed up to be presented in color. The Addams is celebrating their favorite time of the year Halloween, with a special celebration but of course some crooks come to steal the riches from the spooky family and fail horribly. John Astin and Carolyn Jones as Gomez and Morticia waste no time falling back into their hilarious characters and keep this pseudo pilot full of laughs keeping that old school magic from the original show. If you are a fan and never seen this it’s easy to find on the YouTube and the Tubi so enjoy as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Parasite Lady (Full Moon) – A more recent Chris Alexander Full Moon feature or sorts (43 minutes) is a tasteful artsy vampire film. A female vamp is not just seeking pleasure of the flesh but companionship as she tries to understand why she was turned into a bloodsucker in the first place. Visually it looks amazing but many vampire movie fans are going to find it tough getting through the artsy plot. Not into the artsy stuff you will wanna pass but if you are like me and wasn’t happy with some Alexander’s work you may find this a little more satisfying as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Devil’s Knight (Vimeo) – A one-eyed stranger comes out of the woods to tell the story of “The Lost Blades” an elite group of monster hunters. During a two hundred year war in the realm of Veroka where nations fought this allowed monsters and creatures to thrive and now they terrorize humans in this realm. King Samuel tired of this nonsense hires these so-called monster hunters to put an end to the demon’s reign over his people. This man is the last of the group still searching for this horrific creature. Fantasy film with some cool effects, full of creatures, and a few big names makes this an interesting find for movie fans who are constantly searching the streaming sites for a solid film to watch as I give this 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

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Gross Movie Reviews #653

Just in time for the holidays!

Gross Movie Reviews #652

Gross Movie Reviews #650

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