Tag Archives: Tim Gross

Gross Movie Reviews #541

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Gross Movie Reviews #541

The Ninth Configuration (DVD) – For me and I believe who made this film this was more of an experiment or just a film for the film snobs more than your average viewer. A castle out in the Pacific Northwest is secret government project on the mentally insane as many Vietnam soldiers either lost their shit completely or were just faking it to get out of the war. A few years have passed since the end of the Vietnam War but there is still a few of these research places around. A new guy named Colonel Vincent Kane shows up with a new attitude on how to help the patients get over their troubles. Throughout the film we see several hilarious characters and there are a lot of famous faces involved with this project. But has things unravel story wise we come to learn more about Col. Kane and his history of how he got there. In the end for me it took a long time to get to the ending you see coming a mile away. Not to say it is bad but way too much build up for something you already knew coming. Again this is one of those movies if you are an average movie watcher it is probably best for you to keep moving if you are a movie snob or just love oddities like this existing it will be worth your two hours as I give it 2 stars.

Redwood Massacre : Annihilation (DVD) – Apparently the filmmaker got some bad advice and made a sequel to a sub-par massacre film that its star is bootleg tater sack Jason but anyhow ten years have passed (story wise) and someone has wrote a book about it. Tom Dempsey’s daughter disappeared ten years ago in the woods and with the legend of this weird mass murderer (never minds it was a deranged farmer in the first film) and his fruitless search he writes a book about the legendary killer. During a book signing an obsessed dude named Max visits Tom and shows him he has evidence that the killer still exists and where to search? Hey guess what Max is psycho (didn’t see that coming) and Danielle Harris also a daughter of Tom has every right to not to trust Max as they make their trek to investigate an abandoned military base where they find the killer’s lair. From there the movie only goes completely off the rails of being a government experiment and the filmmaker watching the ‘Friday the 13th’ remake with the bat cave and ‘Cabin in the Woods’ wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too much before doing this lackluster sequel as I give it 2 stars.

Frogs (DVD) – I got bored and wanted to watch this so-called horror movie with mustache-less Sam Elliot from 1972 and see if it is still boring as hell? And yes it is! Pickett Smith (Sam Elliot) is a photographer who is taking pictures of garbage on a lake and this swamp when he is knocked out of his canoe by a couple of rich siblings. They apologize, get him dry, and force to come to a picnic for a rich fool who just bitches about all the frogs everywhere (who cares if you live in the middle of a FUCKING swamp). Pickett Smith believes something is up when the frogs friends begin to kill the family one by one as I give this boring flick 2 stars.

Curse of the Undead (DVD) – In this 1959 flick a little ahead of its time and an interesting idea where a cowboy vampire shows up in this western after the Carter family falls on hard times and might have to sell to an asshole Buffer. The cowboy vampire comes calling Miss Carter after she posts hiring a gunman for $100 to take out Buffer and his cohorts. But Preacher Dan is pissed and believes this isn’t right in the name of god and must fight the evil that is helping Miss Carter! The film has a pacing issue but if you get past that it is a fun horror western that a completely new at the time as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Miranda Veil (DVD) – We are introduced to a young man named Soren who is inspiring to be a serial killer out of Barstow, California because he is hearing a voice telling him “to kill”. After a failed attempt the voice continues to push until a young pretty woman named Miranda on her birthday weekend is spotted by Soren and its decided “she is the one.”  Soren stalks his victim Miranda and kidnaps her out to the middle of the desert to play with her. Soren gets his kicks and the voice screams for him to do it and Soren slices Miranda’s neck open but that is where the movie really begins because after Miranda dies and Soren celebrates… it happens! Miranda is alive again and both are literally in a crazed confusion about it to the point Soren drives an axe through the skull of Miranda to kill her a second time and again she is alive! From here it becomes a trippy road trip movie as killer and victim eventually come to an agreement to begin their long trek back to Barstow. They try to understand Soren’s voice in his head, Miranda’s X-men ability of not dying, and where do they fit into this universe now? Along the way they meet a man in a bunny suit, a guy who talks to a fox, and Miranda talks to a ‘force’ in a cloak and an animal skull. I wasn’t a fan of the ending but this Indy film was definitely something different and that you cannot say that too often about a low budget film. Most likely you haven’t heard about the film because it is really hard to define what it is kinda is like a 1990 ‘Nightbreed’ thing but on a smaller scale. There is enough interesting and trippy shit happening with this project not including the ending that if this was made in the late 80s or early 90s I could easily see this as a “Midnight Movie” but those do not exist any longer. This movie might take a year or two to really find the audience to appreciate this project as I give it 3 out 4 stars.

Macon County Line (DVD) – A mid-70s film based on a true story from 1954 where we are introduce to two young gentlemen who are just causing trouble everywhere they go as I believe they are on their way to New Orleans. Along the way the gentlemen pick up an attractive lady and then their car begins to have a fuel pump problem. Not being able to get it fixed properly and the car dying in the middle of the night they decide they will “figure it out in the morning” but meanwhile two very shady criminals pull up to a home of a deputy. These two bad dudes rob the family home, torture, and kill the wife. When the deputy comes home he sees the car with the fuel pump problem he wants revenge against our two favorite drifting buddies who had nothing to do with that night’s events. The film is a little dull with the buildup but gets real interesting real quick when the deputy comes home to a bedroom full of blood and a dead wife as I give it 2 stars.

Moonshine County Express (DVD) – Imagine a 1977 movie with women as the main roles of ‘Dukes of Hazzard’ TV show?  A lot familiar faces pop up as a moonshiner kills his competitor one morning in the mountains and blows up his operation. But the dead moonshiner has three vengeful daughters who were not left any money but whiskey from back in the day that shouldn’t exist. The daughters go into business just to undercut the jagoff that wronged their daddy and maybe make a few bucks for a fresh start somewhere. It is a bloody redneck war from beginning to end with John Saxon as a moonshine driver along for the ride as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Witchcraft (DVD) – This Lon Chaney Jr. flick is from 1964 and has the great actor as part of the Whitlock clan. The Whitlock clan’s graves are being bulldozed at the countryside cemetery that the Whitlock family has used for hundreds of years. Business partners are trying to move along progress and part of it is moving this old cemetery which sounds like a ‘Poltergeist’ prequel? Anyhow the Whitlock clan isn’t happy and one of the graves is for an undead witch that hasn’t been around for a few hundred years but is pissed because she has been disturbed. Now the notorious undead witch is seeking revenge by killing the persons involved one by one. The movie can be a little slow but has a creepy side to it even if it is over 50 some years old as I give the creepy little horror film 2 ½ stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !  

Gross Movie Reviews #540

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Gross Movie Reviews #540

The Beast Beneath (DVD) – In a small town of Desert Valley, California an earthquake wakens its residents in the middle of the night with its shakes and simmers but nothing is thought of it. But this event has caused a monster to emerge from its slumber in the desert and it is time for the beast to snack on its new food source… humans! After a few people go missing the local authorities get involved and act like the disappearances are not that big of a deal but the mayor knows and wants it kept quiet. The beast is brought to the attention of a brilliant scientist (Brinke Stevens) and she is trying to work on a quick answer for the monstrous problem but when someone being attacked is caught on social media the mayor and police have no choice but to blow it up. The build-up of this low budget monster flick was a lot of fun and on par with what we used to get from SyFy Channel in the mid-2000s but the ending or non-ending was not the payoff I think viewers will be looking for as I give the film 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Stale Popcorn & Sticky Floors (DVD) – Another cool documentary that covers some of the memorable grindhouse, horror, and B-movie titles from the 70s and 80s we grew up watching. There is interviews and stories from such stars of iconic films such as Lynn Lowry, Camilla Carr, Brinke Stevens, and a host of others. And people let’s not forget Frank Farel is on here telling more stories about one of my favorite films of all time ‘Spookies’! The doc separates itself enough from others as the stars tell stories about one film that was picked such as an ‘I Spit on Your Grave’. This title doesn’t come off as interviews as much as you the viewer just grabbed a beer with said star and you are ready for story time and for that I give it 4 out of 4 stars.

Cult of the Cobra (DVD) – A bunch of U.S. service men on leave pay a hundred bucks to be sneaked into a secret meeting to witness a woman who has the ability to change into a snake. To their disbelief she does but one of them tries to take a photo and a scuffle ensues and the service men attempt to kidnap this special oddity. She gets away and of course the men are all warned they will all die but they don’t care as their deployment is over and they are heading home for good. Some time passes by and the men settled into their homes back in New York not knowing the precious snake woman has traveled there to seek her revenge. One by one the men fall but the snake woman might be having a change of heart as one of the men has taken time to be very friendly with her let’s say as I give this mid-50s flick 2 stars.

Death Rink (DVD) – The film is set in the year 2001 at the “Roller King!” roller skating rink where Rachel the manager is hanging out with the younger employees for an impromptu birthday party. They play games, smoke tea bags, eat pizza, discuss the lawsuits against the roller rink, along with wondering who in the hell is the person or ex-employee that calls every night to yell “Satan” into the phone. Things are going great and the fun is starting to whine down as everyone wants to leave at some point including Rachel as her boyfriend finally called her back… But an unwanted guest has found their way into the rink while they close up shop. This unknown individual slowly kills the employees one by one. Everything about this movie screams I should love it. Now don’t get me wrong this isn’t a horrible horror film as it had a great cast, great dialogue, some blood, great location, but it all just didn’t add up to success for me as I thought this film could have pressed the gas and gone over the top? Instead I felt the film found a way to limp over the finish line in the end as I give it 2 stars.

The Earth Dies Screaming (DVD) – This is a quick mid-60s post-apocalyptic flick where one day people around the world all die at the same time except for a select few. After a small group of people find themselves holed up at a hotel they figure out they were not in the open when this all happened and believe it could have been a gas attack? To make matters worse generic alien robots walk and a “zombie pace” and cannot be killed by guns but their asses are no match for a jeep. And just when the humans thought they were screwed enough, “oh yay if you are killed by an alien they zombified your ass and control you.” The only hope is if these select few humans figure out how to stop these slow ass trash cans from taking over the world as I give it 2 stars.

Brimstone Incorporated (DVD/Vimeo) – An interesting low budget anthology film directed by Indy vets James L. Edwards and Brad Twigg. The three stories are straight forward serious horror stories which are usually hard to pull off in the low budget world but this crew did it as the titles are: First Date, Mama’s Boy, and Skunkweed. And the wraparound story is called Temper and Associates but we will get to that in a bit. Without spoiling too much First Date gets a little uncomfortable (watch for the kiss you’ll understand), second story Mama’s Boy is not exactly what you think it is which makes it a pleasant surprise, and the third story is about a man who may have been given bad weed? Or was it? But the most interesting thing was the wraparound story as these days seems to be a throw away in the Indy world in my opinion. But these fine filmmakers took a cue possibly from 70s British anthologies and made the wraparound their strength as a character from each story is being reviewed by Gregory to decide where they will fit in “down here or in the corporation”. The Gregory character was actually my favorite thing of the anthology but this film is based more on the great performances from the actors than just throwing gallons of blood and gore against the wall. This is an anthology I will be pointing out to people for years to come as this cast was one of the best I seen for an Indy anthology in years. So if you are looking for a great not subpar Indy anthology look no further than this new feature Mr. Edwards and Mr. Twigg as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !  

Gross Movie Reviews #539

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Gross Movie Reviews #539

Boys from County Hell (Shudder) – An Irish horror film where a small town called Six Mile Hill is the center of the story as legend goes Bram Stoker used the location to write his famous story. The local legend claims that the real Dracula story happened there as a landmark of stones marks the grave of the vampire or at least that is what’s been told for many years in those parts. One drunken night two friends strolling home from the pub fall into the landmark and one of them is speared by a farm animal. Nothing physical came from the grave but blood seem to disappear from the corpse. Eugene quickly understands he may accidentally set free the vampire legend on the small town and must now try to bury the bloodthirsty monster that doesn’t play by the usual vampire rules. Fun monstrous times to be had in this Irish treat as I give it 3 stars.

The Frozen Ghost (DVD) – A stage mentalist played by Lon Chaney Jr., has a skirmish with an audience member that he believes caused the man’s death. Retiring the act, trouble seems to follow the mentalist as while at the museum he gets in a tussle with someone who dies and believes he did it again. For me this wasn’t the best Lon Chaney Jr. of course for fans who just need something a little lighthearted you will enjoy this feature as I give it 2 stars.

Great White (On Demand) – Pearl Air Charters  is a one charter plane business run by a sexy couple who takes people on tours of areas like “Hell’s Reef”. When on their latest tour they land so a couple can have a late lunch it is quickly spoiled by finding half of a corpse of the beach. The small group realizes someone could still use help out in the ocean they jump back in the small plane for a limited time because of fuel to search. They spot the boat and when they land on the ocean near that is when things go bad for the group and the suspense builds as they wait for rescue. With only the life raft the group must hope they can paddle back to the island before the sharks stalk and eat them for a snack! A lot of buildup in this film, think ‘The Shallows’ but with a few more people and trying to feel a little more like ‘Jaws’ as I give it 3 stars.

Bigfoot vs. Illuminati (On Demand) – An animated film I had so much anticipation for being a fun stupid film to enjoy and talk about. Instead I got a horrible boring dud. Many years into the future where the Earth is basically dead and humans are about to go extinct as they are at war with aliens. Humans only hope is Bigfoot who happened to listen to rap music way too much. Oh and Bigfoot tag teams with a Van Helsing clone… this was dumb as I give it 0 stars. I guess I need to stick with ‘Bigfoot vs. D.B. Cooper’?

Benny Loves You (On Demand) – Meet Jack, a 35 year old who lives with his parents and is a junior toy designer whose parents still celebrate Jack’s birthday as if he was a child. But this year is different as the parents die accidentally while preparing for his birthday. Nothing is going right for Jack so now alone he decides he wants to improve his life and this means getting rid of everything including his childhood toy that he still has. The toy’s name is Benny and doesn’t like it too much he is about to be thrown out but also wants Jack to be happy again? From here Jack is sent into a downward spiral of death and despair as anyone that comes to the home or Jack doesn’t like Benny slices and dices them. As the bloodbath ensues in a weird way Benny helps Jack get his job back with new designs based on Benny… The horror film is a wonderful insane oddity of gore that needs to be witnessed as this will be one of the best horror films I will watch in 2021 and for that I give it 4 stars.

Fulci for Fake (DVD) – A Severin Pictures biopic about a man about to dive head first into becoming the famous Italian filmmaker Lucio Fulci. In order to accomplish becoming the legend he must learn more about him and interviews several friends and colleagues of Fulci’s taking the viewer on a ride through stories of the beginnings of Fulci’s work. To of course what made Fulci a household name among horror movie fans as I give the documentary 3 stars.

Live Evil (DVD) – An old vampire hunting priest has his eyes locked on these four vamps that have run together for a long time now. The priest wants to slice and dice this group as he has tracked them everywhere at any cost. The group keeps moving around recently as humans more and more have tainted blood and the vampires fight amongst each other in the effort of finding “pure blood”. The vampires head to L.A. for a last ditch effort of getting pure blood from a dealer named Max. The vampire hunter is played by the legendary Tim Thomerson so imagine Jack Deth retired to become a priest who hunts vamps with a late 90s direct-to-video vibe. A fun watch with some gore and some audio glitches but well worth checking out this Mark Terry produced film that also has appearances by Tiffany Shepis, Ken Foree, and Elissa Dowling as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Feaster Sunday (DVD) – A not so typical independent holiday horror film where a man, Dr. Gideon Lear is putting forth his best effort to put on “The Passion” play at the community theater that hasn’t happened in twenty years. Lear wants perfection out of his actors as he explains in his recent interview with Eddie from the local Public Access Channel. Lear nor his actors seem to be too concerned with the history of the play as “the show must go on”. Meanwhile Eddie sees someone he knows among the actors, Tess, and they reconnect after Tess is dropped by her boyfriend Reen because he needs his full attention on playing Jesus. As time goes on actors for the play disappear, warnings for the play “not to go on” are ignored, and Dr. Lear begins his struggle to keep the production together. There is a whole lot of crazy going on in this flick that just made me giddy to watch! Wonderful casting choices (Dave Parker as the original Jesus, brilliant), great script, cool puppets, and a low budget production that felt bigger than it was should get some mainstream respect as I give this excellent production 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !  

Its confirmed… Gross Movie Reviews/Drunken Yinzer Productions will be there!

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We will be hanging out selling my three new books, copies of our latest film Blood Freak, and discussing our next project!

Cinema Wasteland and The Cinema Wasteland Film Appreciation Society Presents:
A ONE DAY COLLECTABLE SHOW and RETRO MOVIE NIGHT DOUBLE FEATURE!

Saturday, July 24, 2021
At our usual haunt: The HOLIDAY INN
15471 Royalton Rd., Strongsville, OH. 44136

It’s a One Day Collectable Show featuring approximately 35 tables of Movie Collectibles, DVD and Blu-ray, Movie Posters, Autographs, and More from 10:00am until 5:00pm.

Then, catch Two Classic (or not-so-classic, as the case may be) Drive-In Movies on 16mm Film. Complete with a Cartoon, Short Film and Original Intermission Reel beginning at 7:30pm.

Make an Entire Day and night out of it!
Come in during the day to hang out with friends.
Do a little browsing and shopping with our Vendors.
Grab a bite to eat and a couple of drinks at the hotel bar (or nearby restaurant) and return in the evening to watch the films.

The Film Show if Free if you attend during the day, so your Admission gets you into both events all day and night!

Our Saturday Night Film Screenings will Include:

THE HUMAN DUPLICATORS (1964) Kolos (Richard Kiel) arrives to Earth in his Christmas tree ornament shaped space craft to establish a colony on our planet and take over by “duplicating” humans and replacing them with androids. To do this, he first heads to the home of the brilliant Dr. Dornhelmer, the beautiful, but blind, Lisa Dornhelmer (Deloris Faith), and the doctor’s two female lab assistants (Margaret Teele and Alean “Bambi” Hamilton). It isn’t long before Austin Welles (Hugh Beaumont) of the National Intelligence Agency is investigating. A wonderful slice of low budget sci-fi, complete with cheesy effects, beautiful girls, and a twenty five year old Richard Kiel in one of his earliest credited feature film roles.









MUTINY IN OUTER SPACE (1964) Ice caves have been discovered on the moon so a team of scientists from the nearby space station are sent to gather samples. On the way back to the space station, a fungus breaks out on the rocket and begins to spread quickly. The Commander seems to have contracted some sort of space sickness and won’t listen to warnings about the growing fungus from his crew. He orders the ship to return to the space station and ends of spreading the fungus there as well. Soon enough, the fuzzy fungus monster is massive… and it kills! From the same people that brought you The Human Duplicators comes a cheesy sci-fi double feature that actually played together in theaters. Deloris Faith returns from Duplicators, and Francine York is “Captain Stevens.” It may have been made in 1965, but this one will remind you of a 50s sci-fi film from the get go.





INTERMISSION REEL – A terrific 24 minute reel of classic horror and sci-fi movie trailers and original 1940s and 50s drive-in intermission spots will play between features.

THE LITTLE RASCALS in “CHOO-CHOO!” (1932) Hanging around the railroad stop, Spud, Stymie, Dorthy, Wheezer, Breezy, Wally, and baby Spanky are all fascinated with trains and want to take a ride on one. During a stop over on their way to a new home, a group of orphans tell them they can just trade clothing with them take their place on the train. They make life a living hell for the orphans pansy-ass child-hating chaperone, Mr. Henderson, and cause enough mayhem for the other passengers to rival the best Three Stooges shorts. A drunken novelty company salesman passes out noisemakers to all of the kids when everyone is trying to sleep and Spanky and a monkey release the animals from the animal car – including a lion – into the sleeper section of the train, and things get even better!

WOODY WOODPECKER (1945) “The Dippy Diplomate” – The newspaper announces that Ivan Awfulitch, the famous ambassador, is due to have a barbecue with local resident, Wally Walrus. The scent of steaks on the grill attracts an unwelcome guest in the form of Woody Woodpecker…

WHEN:Saturday July 24th 2021.
10am – 5pm and movies start at 7:30pm


WHERE:
Holiday Inn
15471 Royalton Rd.
Strongsville, OH. 44136

* This is the same Holiday Inn we hold out Cinema Wasteland Movie and Memorabilia Expo’s in twice a year.
We’re just taking over one large room for this event and not the entire hotel.

NEED A ROOM?
If you would like to spend Friday and/or Saturday night at the Holiday Inn then Click Here (Same prices as CW)
Use a computer to make reservations before July 2 (*Phones don’t work well with site*)


ADMISSION:
Admission is $7.00 if using a debit or credit card, BUT Only $5.00 Cash.
There will be no advance ticket or pass sales for this event so we are offering a cash discount at the door instead.

VENDORS:
Tables are nice and affordable and available now.
CLICK HERE for more information.

https://www.cinemawasteland.com/collectable%20show%20main.html?fbclid=IwAR17-nqCXt9CkaomOYwYUfv0SLj-RZ8nuAHBl5lvQEsI0G_kavdy-4Hupbk

New episode of Bloodbaths and Boomsticks is up!

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This week Tim, Kyle, and John return to the fray to analyze another 3 more flicks.  First Sonny Landham is a messed up Vietnam vet recently released from a psyche ward in FLESHBURN.  Then John talks about a Mexican / American co production that is kinda like night of the living dead meets goonies with legendary actor Hugo Stieglitz as a Doctor Loomis type of dude in CEMETERY OF TERROR.  And lastly Kyle picks a kung fu grindhouse classic that has a little bit of everything in RAW FORCE; INVADERS OF THER JADE TOMBS.  Also we count down our favorite 5 stoner movies in honor of 4/20.  More massacre and witchcraft movies. Bad plastic surgeries, the new Mortal Kombat movie, what we have been watching and we also answer all your listener questions.  So download this episode or Prince Goro will try to murder your family.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Another Bloodbaths and Boomsticks episode is up!

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This week we have a “diet Tim” episode as his mom has banged up her ankle, but don’t worry he shows up later to talk about his and John’s continued journey to watch all the Witchcraft movies.  But as usual we will be covering 3 more great flicks.  First Kyle talks about a wild, wild, kung fu monster mash as it’s robots vs. monsters in INFRA-MAN.  Then Tim talks about a very popular slasher in THE MULIATOR.  And finally John picked a really good taxi cab revenge flick starring Robert Forrester and the very greasy Joe Spinell in WALKING THE EDGE.  Also we chat about the continued shittiness of Charles Band, the greatness that is the Creepshow T.V. series, the recent episode of Joe Bob.  And as always we read all the news, answer your questions and cover what we have been watching recently.  So download this episode or we will shove a giant fish hook into your nether regions.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Gross Movie Reviews #536

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Gross Movie Reviews #536

Bridge of Dragons (DVD) – A 1999 film starring Dolph Lundgren who plays good soldier under an evil general that seeks to marry a young princess of a modern day kingdom. The princess does not want to marry and escapes for a brief time from the kingdom only to be recaptured by Dolph. But things don’t go well at the meeting point as the evil general played by Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa puts a beat down on the princess and Dolph goes rogue in order to help her. They try to seek out revolutionists that are willing to fight with them to bring the kingdom peace again. The film isn’t too exciting until the climax where we get the fight we want to see between Dolph and Tagawa, good stuff. If not a Dolph fan I would keep skipping through the streaming channels as I give this okay fantasy flick 1 ½ stars.

Sweepers (DVD) – This film starring Dolph Lundgren and Bruce Payne starts off pretty slow as these two dudes a part of the Humanitarian Order of Chivalry that sweep for mines in Angola in order to help the civilians there during the civil war. During some chaos Erikson’s son dies in the minefield causing him to leave the H.O.C. but to stay in Angola since there is nothing to go home too. Five years pass and the U.S. government decides to go looking for the landmine expert after they believe experimental mines were used in a terrorist attack and it all points to Angola. A young agent named Flynn is charged with finding Erikson and having him show her where found these experimental landmines as she need proof for the boys back home. While these two bicker about what should be done and how? The two get mixed up with some bad dudes who are using the computerized landmines to keep people away from their diamond shipments. Starts slow but it ends with a wonderful big train explosion that helps as I give the flick 2 stars.

Blackjack (DVD) – Dolph Lundgren in a John Woo film with a little supporting help from Fred Williamson where Dolph aka Jack aka becomes Uncle Jack after he protected a daughter of a casino owner. When the casino owner and wife die in an “accident” Jack is given custody of Casey who adores her new Uncle Jack. But with this new duty Jack must juggle his new “dad life” with protecting a drug-addicted model that screws him over soon as he leaves her sight. The movie is a little long but a pretty entertaining flick with the name power the film has as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Witchcraft XII: In the Lair of the Serpent (DVD) – This 2004 sequel stars no one but has two known independent names attached to it (David Sterling and Brad Sykes). This entry took seven minutes before it had a sex scene and it took the dude to be blindfolded in order for it to happen. Were they going for the fetish thing? Was I missing something here? Or was it just an excuse to have a hooded person come in and kill the blindfolded man… Couple minutes later the cops are way ahead of everyone as they talk demons and the supernatural like this happen every day? Remember we are in Witchcraft world but it took 11 movies for them to accept this. Moving on, the gist I got from this entry is some terrible dude or thing in a crappy club that only has like two rooms to get your freak on is using his laser eyes to suck your soul out. So just to make it more interesting Will Spanner and his pierced nipple shows up to bang his dead friend’s girlfriend three times so she could get over the supernatural tragedy. The film is a complete mess but far from the worst because that entry has yet to come as I give this 1 star.

Star Hunter (DVD) – A weirdo direct-to-video film from 1995 that stars Roddy McDowall, Stella Stevens, and Zach Ward! A being escapes some intergalactic space prison and heads to earth to hunt these humans. The group of humans that is picked for this hunt is a couple lost ball players, a cheerleader, and a principal/school bus driver. There is force fields, cops get involved eventually, and a very lame alien hunter that is hunted also by another intergalactic being who takes over Zach Ward’s body to stop this hunter. Yes, the movie is laughable but oddly entertaining as I give it 2 stars.

Witchcraft XIII: Blood of the Chosen (DVD) – This 2008 entry has Will Spanner struggling with his dark past again as murders are happening around him causing Will to feel he is falling into the darkness. He must solve the mystery quickly before he says fuck it after 11 films and go to the dark side. These murders disturb Will as the victims are having their hearts ripped out and of course… the detectives don’t have a clue. They begin to get worse again as I give this film a ½ star.

Witchcraft XIV: Angel of Death (DVD) – Just when you thought you hit the bottom of the barrel this series finds a whole new level of suck! A trilogy of films released in early 2017 begins with the two detectives finding a naked dead body at the Motor Hotel. Meanwhile we are introduced to a young lady named Rose who has killed two people by accident as she is unaware of her witch powers. Rose distraught now tries speaking with mom but that doesn’t go well which then leads her to a dude named Yogi Samuel. You know that dude that owns the local Yoga studio down the street and just happens to be a powerful warlock who claims to be given witches a safe place to use their powers. What Rose doesn’t know Yogi has her in his plans that will help make a prophecy come true! This was hilariously bad. Not laughable entertaining bad but yinz should have stopped at part 13 as I give this entry 0 stars.

Witchcraft XV: Blood Rose (DVD) – After Yogi Samuel failed with Rose, the weirdo assistant Sharon takes over the evil ways of the Yoga studio but in secret (shhhh!) so Rose doesn’t get wise to what is going on. A month passes after the last film and the Yoga coven focuses its energy on Rose again. Sharon learns to use Rose by possessing her and take people’s souls since Rose is such a powerful witch but has yet to learn her full potential. Sharon’s goal is to use these souls to bring forth Satan… how lame. Even with Spanner’s best efforts in making the Yoga girls say they are sorry evil still finds a way to survive one more movie as I give this flick 0 stars.

Witchcraft XVI: Hollywood Coven (DVD) – Finally the last entry but wait a minute… all the characters from the past two films are back to do a spoof! WTF? The cast is trying out for a low budget series of films called “Crystal Force” and guess what they are on part 16. Here’s the catch there are rumors actors disappear after every entry? In reality or the context of this dumb ass spoof a warlock is actually killing his leads in hopes of bringing forth Satan. Quick second here folks have yinz noticed a trend in this series: these so-called warlocks suck out loud when trying to bring forth Satan. I bet you Julian Sands would have no problem! I laughed hard at this film and not in a good way as the film uses flashbacks (about 20 minutes or so of them) disguised as scenes from past “Crystal Force” films. This isn’t spoofing kids this is called a sad excuse called filmmaking and it sucks and went downhill so bad in these last three entries. Not even showing a warlock dong could have save this last film as I give it negative stars.

From Hell It Came (DVD) – A late 50s drive-in flick where a chief of an island tribe has his son killed because of his father dying. Something about getting poison from the American scientists, who the scientists are there actually to treat the tribe for the plague caused by nuclear fallout. The natives set in their ways do not trust the outsiders! But the fallout helps the corpse rise from the grave as a killer tree to get revenge on those who accused him of wrongdoing. Fun B-movie stuff as I give it 2 stars.

Panic at Lakewood Manor (DVD/YouTube) – A ‘made-for-TV’ film from the 70s that was also known as ‘Ants!’ and also known as ‘It Happened at Lakewood Manor’. An all-star cast is at the lakeside hotel that may or may not be up for sale to an oncoming asshole. But what little the guests know is that they are all about to be invaded by what was believed to be harmless pests but now an angry army of ants. A construction crew working on a project next to Lakewood Manor disturbs a colony of ants that sends them descending onto the hundred year old hotel and it’s only a matter of time before people begin dying from the ant bites. A fun “when nature fights back” flick that will have your parents wanting more and bring up some embarrassing memories of your siblings who bothered them when the parents watched the first time around before cable as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !  

Tales From the Gross Side project is looking for your help!

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Drunken Yinzers Presents: Tales From The Gross Side. The third film from Drunken Yinzers Productions. An anthology, based on the stories of Tim Gross.

https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/drunken-yinzers-presents-tales-from-the-gross-side/x/3372429#/

Support the next project…

Well folks this is it! Our big ass announcement! Beginning in August, Drunken Yinzers Productions will begin principal photography on a new film. It’s an anthology horror film based on the insane stories of our co-founder Tim Gross! This will be the most ambitious production we’ve done so far and that’s why we need some help from our fans, friends, and all yinz jagoffs. This film will have some cool F/X from our friend Angel Thunder Scorpion O’Connor and we need your hard earned cash to get her the stuff she needs to make it work. So please donate whatever you can. There’s a lot of cool perks for helping us out too. Seriously weird shit! Also we’re asking everyone to share the hell out of this thing over the next few months. Get it as far out into facebook land as you can. Or any social media platform. We love you guys and can’t wait to bring you this new film. It’s gonna be a blast! Thanks again for donating and sharing. We owe yinz a perogi dinner!

The trio of Bloodbaths and Boomsticks this week find a Yeti film that doesn’t make sense but fun as hell!

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This week Tim, Kyle and John return with a little of this, a little of that, and 3 more fine flicks to yammer on about.  First a bona fide classic starring the one the only Vincent Price in WITCHFINDER GENERAL A>K>A> THE CONCOURER WORM. Next we have what happens when the eye-talians collide with the Canadians to make a giant monster flick smothered in campy goofiness in YETI: GIANT OF THE 20th CENTHRY.  And finally John talks about a movie with an amazing title released by Troma in STUFF STEPHANIE IN THE INCENERATOR.  Along the way we chat about the current witchcraft marathon the Tim and John are on, the current rash of celebrity deaths, and the greatness that is Dan Aykroyd.  We also do the norm of what we have been watching, All the news that is fit to print (of make up if your Bloody Disgusting.com), and we answer all your listener questions.  So download this episode or you won’t be part of the next spontaneous mass sponge migration.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Gross Movie Reviews #535

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Gross Movie Reviews #535

Witchcraft VII: Judgement Hour (DVD) – So in this 1995 entry it takes a whole two minutes for a vamp at a club to pick up a beautiful girl, bang her on the bar, then bite her to turn her. You know real life soft-core stuff that happens all the time. Of course it is not long before Will Spanner the lawyer is waist deep in the supernatural trying to help two cops solve this mysterious case of club murder. Just in case you need to know the vampires can survive sunlight for no reason at all while Will proves he is a weak ass warlock that has ever graced the screen. The sex scenes are the filler for this vamp filled adventure that I must point to those who believe ‘Troll 2’ is the worst film ever have never seen this piece of garbage. This entry is “Christmas Season Massacre’ bad folks with acting that might be the worst of the series yet? You’re not missing much here kids as I would just go on to movie number eight as I give this porn, oh I mean film 0 stars.

Witchcraft VIII: Salem’s Ghost (DVD) – Speaking of this entry it begins in 1692 where a servant of Satan is stabbed in the heart, burned at the stake, buried into a wall and marked to warn any who would try to disturb it. I had to laugh at this period scene as no one looked like they belonged in 1692… Anyway fast forward to present day 1996 a quirky couple buys a big old house in Salem where the servant of Satan was buried in the basement. What was real crazy was it took almost ten full minutes into the flick for our first graphic sex scene. This opener sex scene is for fans of food and fake sex but so much better than the last entry. Moving on Professor Dunaway who bought the house with his girlfriend teaches a class that touches on witchcraft which then in turn sets up the scene with his plumber neighbor. The dumb neighbor finds the crypt behind the wall in the basement thinking there is a leak and breaks it open. This unleashes the warlock that shakes the house to its core causing a witch hunter to immediately show up to cleanse the home or at least buy it from the couple. But the evil warlock’s ghost is not going to go quietly unless the couple is able fix the crypt trapping him again forever. This entry was much more tolerable and seem to keep it moving story wise as I have to give it 1 ½ stars.

Raw Force (DVD) – If someone explained this film to people who never heard of it you would call bullshit! Three guys from an American karate club are heading to a place called “Warrior’s Island”. Along their journey some sneaky dudes and bootleg Hitler don’t want the three to make it. Not because the island is full of cannibal monks who are trying to raise dead warriors of the past to fight karate club guys. But Bootleg Hitler is trying to move them along to a different island as Hitler and his cronies are trading women for jade and making a bundle on the mainland. Folks, some weird shit go down in this flick and it’s wonderful. So grab a six pack and some friends and enjoy as I give this hilarious mess 3 stars.

Cemetery of Terror (DVD) – If you claim you have seen all the zombie films ever made you haven’t laid eyes on this 1985 entry into the genre. It is Halloween and a group of friends head to an abandoned home for a party. When the girls think the party is a flop and want to be taken home the character Jorge finds a book that talks about the devil and raising the dead. Hold on kids as first the group of friends needs to visit the morgue to steal a body for their fake ritual they are going to have. If that isn’t enough the body the group of friends steals happens to be a notorious serial killer who does believe in the devil. They drop it in the graveyard, read some nonsense from the book, it begins to storm, presto changeo the dead rise! As the undead killer slashes his way through the friends, a Mexican version of ‘The Goonies’ breaks out with some trick-or-treaters as a side story. I didn’t love it but was surprised how entertained by it I was as I give the flick 2 ½ stars.

Fleshburn (DVD) – In 1975 Calvin a Vietnam vet was placed in an insane asylum because he was deemed, “Not to know right from wrong any longer.” Some time passes and Calvin breaks out of his hell to track down the four doctors who put him there. Once captured he takes the four out to the desert to be in their own hell as the desert will decide their fate. Most the film is the four doctors struggling to cope with finding shelter, water, etc., in the desert knowing Calvin is watching. Mostly it was a terrible decision to waste the talent of Sonny Landum as Calvin as he doesn’t have much screen time even though he is the main character. Plus, the ending of this film just sucks out loud leaving you question what you may have done if this happened to you? For that I could only give this film 1 star as it left a bad taste in my mouth because I was expecting much more.

The New Mexico Weed Wacker Massacre (DVD) – There is now a three-way tie for “worst movie ever” between this film, ‘The Christmas Season Massacre’, and ‘Witchcraft VII’! But and there is a big BUT, I wanna remake this film… Now that you question reading any of my reviews ever this 2008 47 ½ minute film is centered on an angry old war vet named Frank. His wallet has been stolen, can’t get disability, and Frank wants revenge on the world. Next thing you know a dude in a 80s Mylec goalie mask with a weed wacker goes on a killing spree in this terrible creation that I couldn’t stop watching. The film is so terrible but literally the filmmaker went out of their way to make this terrible as the movie was supposed to be a horror spoof that doesn’t reveal this more than halfway through. The editing is piss poor, there is a random scene playing on top of another scene, the sound is all over the place, dead characters move (not on purpose), characters are fed lines during scenes, and it’s an abomination. Come on kids you make the directors of ‘Jagoff Massacre’ seem like Oscar winning filmmakers. Now saying that, I wanna remake this garbage called a film as I give 0 stars and believe it can be made better.

Witchcraft IX: Bitter Flesh (DVD) – This mid-90s entry begins with a ‘Witchcraft’ clip show and we get independent vet Stephanie Beaton playing Detective Lutz and for good reason. Our lawyer Will Spanner is dead and wanders the Earth searching for the reason why no one can see him until he runs into a smoking hot escort (Sheila) who recently had a near death experience. This experience allows her to hear Will Spanner and try to help him as he tries to help her. But the real question is why does this escort keep putting money in her thong? Isn’t that counterproductive or impractical? Sheila now goes out of her way to help Will as she believes in him being a gentleman. We get less sex scenes for this 1997 entry but they are much more graphic and seem more scripted or geared to audiences of the late 90s that refused to watch full porn? I have to give this entry 1 ½ stars just for Landon Hall’s performance as the escort.

Witchcraft X: Mistress of the Craft (DVD) – This 1998 sequel takes Stephanie Beaton aka Detective Lutz to the UK where she is there to help the Brits with their bisexual vamp problem. You know the genre that haunted the shelves of video stores for about a three year period. Also I thought ‘Witchcraft IX’ could not be topped in the sex scene department well part ten proved me wrong as they decided to have two graphic sex scenes going at the same time. They go back and forth for a few minutes! And just to top it off we get Stephanie Beaton in an erotic bubble bath. Hey weirdos you there was some awesome porn in the 90s right? But I am getting off subject as Lutz helps UK authorities to crack down on these vamps so they can no longer exist. If there is one thing I take away from this film is I do wander if the director Michael Paul Girard truly made the first schlocky porn? For this and Stephanie Beaton I give it 1 ½ stars.

Altitude (DVD) – Dolph Lundgren and a few others hijack a plane to capture an ex-partner Terry who has just stolen from them. But unbeknownst to the feisty hijackers Denise Richards is a FBI agent who is going to stop the hijacking! Wait… WTF? Okay folks I gave the film a chance especially since Lundgren’s character stays in the cockpit the whole film but there was a fight between Denise Richards’s character and Chuck Liddell. Yep, that is not happening this movie should have ended there as Dolph collected a paycheck and I wanna know what the hell Denise Richards do to her face… Bad move, as I give this 1 star. 

Grizzly II: Revenge (DVD) – It’s the 80s people of course there is going to be an unregulated concert in a national park and a crazed bear is causing chaos. The unknown unfinished film that has wandered the bootleg bins for quite a while has been pseudo-finished by a company that most likely figured out how to get around the rights issues. Someone died or they just chose to edit out all the Michael Jackson stuff. So finally out of nowhere we get this supposedly finished sequel to the 1976 classic. For those who don’t know this film has a gathering of stars before they were stars in this production that took place in Hungry. After a ton of issues financially and behind the scenes the project was just considered lost. For a few years now the bootleg has shown up at every major horror convention for horror fans like me to be surprised by the stories and the film. The original work print, unfinished version was terrible. But hey we got to have it just because. Anyway a company come in edited it, did some color correction, and threw in some stock footage of a forest and presto changeo you have a finished film sort of. It is still a story about Grizzly’s cub is shot by poachers and Mama is pissed. So the grizzly just randomly hunts down campers and eventually ends up at this most random concert in a park ever. Meanwhile park rangers are told by concert promoters to get rid of the problem quietly. This newer edited footage is a more coherent version of the film but I feel the asking price for this DVD or Blu-ray is still too much as it is a bare bones disc. Plus as much I wanted this out there legit I feel fans got a little cheated or misled as there was info out there they were supposedly adding or using found unused footage of the film in this newer version? Who knows for sure as my podcast partner Kyle would say, “Buyer beware…” as I give it 2 stars for being completely finished maybe but the luster of it being something few know about is gone and will debated over beers in the future.

Witchcraft XI: Sisters in Blood (DVD) – This new entry of the millennium brings back genre vet Stephanie Beaton as Detective Lutz and the Will Spanner character and not even 30 seconds in kids people are bumping uglies! Once we get that ugliness out of the way we have three way too sexy drama students who get topless in a graveyard for inspiration to breathe life into their performances on stage. Unknowing the threesome conjures something evil but not more of a douchebag than their drama teacher. It may have happen because they wanted to be in touch with their inner witches (I am trying hard here to make sense of this). Some weird things happen between the three women as they are slowly possessed by this evil to eventually two of them have a threesome with the drama teacher. You would think this would be the highlight of the ‘Witchcraft’ sexcapades but this may have been the shortest and unsatisfying moment of the series? But they more than make up for it killing the drama teacher with stabbing to the eyes and giving us a good bit of blood and guts! After this little ritual it becomes clear they are possessed to bring forth Abaddon. Most of the film is laughable but they do squeeze in some classic corny porn music and for that I give it 1 star.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !