Gross Movie Reviews #555

The Virus (YouTube) – Philip Brocklehurst busy as ever has released his latest short film that deals with the post-apocalyptic theme or recent times and its effect on a person. Earth has been devastated by biological weapons and a man who is all alone just wants to end the madness on his own terms. A bleak but very realistic look at the world right now as I give the short film 3 out of 4 stars.

Tower Rats (YouTube/DVD) – To even give this mess of a Kevin Walter film a chance you have to imagine if Troma ran Tik Tok and made an anthology film using the things Troma fans posted. What seems like a miss-mash of no plot is a long string of weirdo short films pretty much only hardcore Troma fans will enjoy. It all seems to be set in the Tower District if that means anything to yinz and about ¾’s of the way into the film is that the ‘Puppet Master’ I am hearing? Kudos to Kevin for getting this all together for hardcore Troma fans but outside of them it’s gonna be hard to explain something like this to more mainstream film fans as I give it 2 out of 4 stars. 

Open House (Vimeo) – Matt Cannon from ‘Hexercise’ fame has another short film that has made its way on a recent Indy anthology that concerns a young lady named Sue. She is being trained to sell homes. When Sue is hazed by co-workers with a mask and robe in the home she is cleaning up, Sue is startled and her past comes back to haunt her co-workers. Matt’s latest effort is simple and to the point as Mr. Cannon continues his filmmaking career along with his successful composing music for film career. I give the short film 2 ½ out of 4 stars. 

The Pizzagate Massacre (DVD) – Our story begins in 2018 at a TV station where the Terri Lee show is set up and Karen Black (filmmaker/journalist) has started her new job. After dropping her headset during a live feed hearing startling news about the Illuminati conspiracy, Tootz Pizza, and children who are being used as sex slaves in the basement of this Austin, Texas pizza shop. Karen is fired but distraught by this news so of course she hires a white militia dude named Duncan to help her get proof of the lizard people touching little kids at a pizza shop! Duncan and Karen drive from Waco to Austin only to find out it’s not true but it also all goes bad in a shootout because a member of the same militia follows them and kidnaps Karen setting off a wild police chase and ending to this crazy but all but true ending as I give this interesting gem 3 stars.

Hellblock 13 (DVD) – Gunnar Hansen, Debbie Rochon, 1999, sounds like wonderful ingredients to an awesome anthology… Mostly the film comes off generic with the best performances from the two already mentioned stars that have story time before an execution. The stories are not horrible but fail to make a viewer wanna rewatch the stories being told again and again like a ‘Creepshow’ or ‘Tales from the Darkside’ as I give this anthology 2 stars.

Maniac Killer (DVD) – Bo Svenson, Chuck Connors, and Robert Ginty star in this French thriller about an escort disappearing one evening that becomes a small string of disappearances. A Professor Osborne is being wrongly accused of murder and kidnapping because of the man keeping to himself for his experiments. People who live nearby claim he is doing human experiments but the truth is Robert Ginty is to blame as he plays “creepy guy with dungeon” who believes he and his followers are purifying the evil from the French hookers. Weirdness, a couple solid actors, this is worth at least a watch as I give it 2 stars.

Honkey Holocaust (DVD) – In case you been missing out on filling your exploitation film needs this recent Indy feature does its best to intrigue you then? It is set in late 60s California where in an alternate universe The Manson Family (big strike against any filmmaker attempting to add to this turd of legacy) gets away with murder and builds a bunker. The family heads underground where Charles dies in 1979 from poor conditions but some of his clan survives including a daughter of Charles. But here is already a problem kids? If Charles died after a decade of poor conditions how didn’t the rest of the clan die? But hey, don’t let a bad plot get in the way of telling your story. After a few decades the clan comes out of the bunker to witness the “Race War”? Problem, white people are now the minority and it’s all about a prophecy being fulfilled. Kendra Manson wanders away from her clan to learn about the new world and meets a black man named Lucius who she falls in love with. Kudos for putting together an exploitation that most likely will find a cult audience but you lost me at “Manson Family” as I give this 1 ½ stars.

The Horror of it All (DVD/YouTube) – This 1964 British oddity stars Pat Boone of all people who is Jack Robinson and on his way to see his soon to be wife Cynthia. Cynthia is hanging out at the family estate because she has plans of her own before getting married but Jack cannot wait. This film is comedy of horrors that feels like an early film version of “Clue” as the family is being murdered one by one and Jack believes they all are trying to murder him before his marriage. A hilarious horror/comedy where not only Pat Boone breaks into song you can see tropes set up for future horror/comedies as I give this well worthy gem 3 stars.

The Neptune Factor (DVD) – An early 70s underwater adventure about a sea exploration crew having trouble when an earthquake on the ocean floor happens. The earthquake topples the sea lab off the edge of the ocean floor into an abyss. After a few days search by the Canadian Navy it is time for “the Neptune”. A well-equipped vessel that could conquer the deep sea for its daring rescue. The first half of the film is all about set up then the second half turns into a NatGeo special of underwater adventure with the rescue happening in the last four minutes of the film. If you like Ernest Borgnine and PG-rated undersea drama you may be in for a treat as I give it 2 ½ stars.           

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