This website is dedicated to horror movies (independent and mainstream), beer, Full Moon, Spookies, Graveyard Shift, Leprechaun sequels, massacre films and watching every god damn horror film ever made or die trying!
First and foremost Grossfest is returning August 1st & 2nd, 2025 to their home at the Comfort Inn at 699 Rodi Road, Pittsburgh, Pa. 15235!
So last week during GrossFest 2024 we made guest announcements that we could not wait to tell yinz… So for those who could not attend? Besides us coming back to the Comfort Inn as its officially the home of GrossFest. Same time every year but a third time is a charm to welcome this talented duo as first guest of GrossFest 2025 and believe fans of our little convention will absolutely love them let us introduce yinz to The Mummy and the Monkey!
This person is a name in independent film that spans over five decades! Literally he and his brother are the godfathers of SOV. This next guest is someone I literally wrote down first next to Jon McBride’s name of people we would like to bring in as guests in 2018 for Grossfest! Never thought his would happen as this person has directed over 90 films: Splatter Farm, Feeders, Razorteeth, House Squatch, Amityville in Space, too many to list… This person is literally the man, the myth, the legend of independent cinema and it gave me great delight to announce his name last week during Grossfest to say he will be joining us for Grossfest 2025. Let me introduce yinz to the one the only Mark Polonia!
Hey Grossfest fans we are not done yet as I forgot to mention Mr. Mark Polonia is bringing some friends for our two day event. This person is no stranger to many of you as this person is talented and fun to watch as they are an actor, director, a producer in such films: Empire of the Apes, Amityville Death House, Bigfoot vs. Zombies, Land Shark, Amityville Island, Sharkula, among many others. This person has become a staple in several recent Polonia Brothers productions as you he cannot be mistaken who he is soon as you see him so let’s give a nice warm welcome to our next guest for Grossfest 2025… Jeff Kirkendall!
Another friend of Mark Polonia is kindly going to be a guest of ours at Grossfest 2025 is a multi-talented fellow that some of yinz may know him from Return to Splatter Farm, Camp Blood, Motorboat, and Cocaine Werewolf as this young man continues to put his own stamp on independent cinema. We are absolutely delighted to have this next guest with us August 1st & 2nd, 2025 in Pittsburgh as we have the pleasure of introducing yinz to Tim Hatch!
Silent Scream (DVD) – This late 70s pseudo-slasher opens with the cops bursting into a house with dead bodies lying all about. We go back a short time before that event to meet a young lady named Scotty who has arrived at college late and has trouble finding housing as there is a shortage. After seeing some sketchy places she finds a rather remote large home that oversees the ocean that only has a teenager and his mother living there. Scotty is in luck or is she as there is a room for rent. The teenager and mother have a secret as a roommate is murdered before Scotty can settle in as the cops are all about the weird stories of this family renting out to college students? This is more on the lighter side of slashers (more suspenseful than bloody) as it felt more like a TV movie made for the times but still a fun watch. Wouldn’t be surprised things got lost through all the reshoots for the finished project over a two year period if you are a completest of slasher films it is still worth a watch as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Lifechanger (DVD) – A very interesting 2018 horror flick I never heard of but after seeing a trailer for it, definitely caught my attention and felt it deserved a watch sooner than later. The film quickly opens up with a murder and a narrator voiced by a man explaining his life as he does throughout the film. This man is some kind of shape shifter, creature of unknown origin, a vampire of sorts as you be the judge? Anyway this thing explains it must move from body to body to survive. Time varies (six hours is mentioned a few times) depending on drugs it can find and the state of the body. If it is in a body too long “the rot” begins which it assumes death is not far behind. Unknowing what he is it keeps the process going because he has found love in a woman named Julia. Problem is for every form it takes it must also get rid of the leftover corpse… take my word on it this is a very interesting concept about a person looking for love that has a Lovecraftian ending of sorts. Great stuff here folks as it is hard to explain what exactly this movie is but you won’t be disappointed in watching it as I give it 3 stars.
Showdown at the Grand (On Demand) – The Grand theater is one of the longest running theaters in the southwest United States. It has been running since 1928 and has been in George’s family for quite some time as George (Terrence Howard) has made it museum also. This was the theater for exploitation flicks, horror movies, B-movies, everything outside of the norm to be cherished and thrive but its rich history of playing these films is in doubt. George is being pressured by a couple of shady characters to sell the place for future development of high priced apartments and luxury stores. But George’s saving grace might be bringing in an actor he idolizes in Claude Luc Hallyday (Dolph Lundgren) a down on his luck movie star from such films: Iraqnphobia, Moses vs. The Nazis, Blood is for the Living, Necropolis, and Cyber Cartel) who is ready to make a comeback? George’s plan works as he gets a sold out house for the Claude Luc Hallyday event but corporate greed is about to ruin George’s plan as this movie has heart and will make you smile if you are a true movie nerd. Think a splash of ‘Matinee’ mixed with a heavy dose of the Grindhouse trailers of 15 years ago with the state of affairs and pressure the few independent theaters left now have to deal with. I absolutely loved this film and most likely this will be in my “Top 5 movies of 2023” as I give this beautiful film we call art 4 stars.
The Alien Factor (DVD) – This 1977 Don Dohler film which is his first by the way was one of those VHS boxes that stuck out in all the video stores that had it for rent as a kid for me. Anyway a couple is attacked by a thing in the woods and only one of them survives. Local police believe it is a bear or bobcat at first but begrudging the backwoods folk not waiting for police form a search party and find out firsthand its more than wildlife as the bodies quickly pile up. But happily a dude from the observatory not far downs the road shows up to explain its alien zoo specimen thingys on the loose that escaped a crashed spacecraft. Can the small town folk survive the alien attack? From the beginning Don Dohler made it apparent he was gonna make anything he wanted and have fun making it as this film might be dated but a great wonderful trip down old independent film history lane as I give the movie 2 ½ stars.
Alien Factor 2: Alien Rampage (DVD) – Two decades later Mr. Dohler decides to revisit his first film and give it a sequel. This time around it’s a smaller story of two FBI agents chasing down an alien with a canister near the old small town. The alien suspect is caught as second alien shows up to put up a force field to start slaughtering all the locals. The local police and the FBI must put a stop to this quickly before it becomes a worldwide crisis. This might be the Dohler film you are looking for if as it gets to the point quickly and you will enjoy the large alien slaughter as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Jurassic Shark 3: Seavenge (DVD) – Sadly this film feels like “I am only making this project for the cash Polonia project”. This Mark Polonia film just jumps right into it with a giant shark stalking the beach shortly after an oil rig disaster that also has the local news interest for more than a shark as thieves with a million dollar painting have disappeared nearby. You got all that? Good, because pretty much that’s the plot of the film exception of Sharkenstein showing up for no apparent reason other than “Why not?” If bored quickly by the movie and looking for a laugh pay attention about the 17 or 18 minute mark where Mark Polonia’s character with two others are getting on a yacht (aka mini-boat) for a modeling photo-shoot. There are three random people in the background that try to get closer to see what Mark Polonia is shooting and being the legendary Indy guy he is just doesn’t even try to edit it out? I give this horseshit a ½ star as it did make me laugh at the rando people not supposed to be there.
Portal to Hell!!! (YouTube) – One of the last projects Roddy Piper got to do before he checked out of his very interesting life was a short film where he plays Jack the building maintenance dude. Jack spends most of his time trying to fix things in people’s units until the power goes out. He heads to the basement to find two dudes in their underwear opening a portal to the “Old Ones”. Now it is up to Jack to keep the portal closed? A very hilarious short film worth watching as I give it 3 ½ stars.
Allegoria (DVD) – So Rob Zombie’s brother Spider One has got into the movie game with writing and directing this feature that plays like an anthology but is a story about several characters who are all connected to a demonic presence that has been brought forth into our time. An interesting but not over the top horror project that most likely makes some horror fans happy and others just saying “Pass”. The horror flick is a little more on the artsy side so don’t expect it to exactly fit what you think it is as I give it 2 stars.
Weredeer (DVD) – Hannah and Max are heading to Max’s family house that is out in the middle of nowhere. They have been in a relationship for three years and Hannah feels like it is finally time to meet Max’s family as he avoids them and what better horrible way to meet another family is during the holidays. Max dreads being back home and for good reason as his cousins begin to berate him immediately but that isn’t the worst thing that happens as his girlfriend Hannah is bitten by a deer in the woods. Not feeling good later that evening Hannah excuses herself and quickly becomes a Weredeer that picks off Max’s family one by one! I enjoyed the transformation but even at the short running time of 70 minutes the film feels a bit forced or overstretching this storyline a bit. I did also enjoyed at not one point does anyone think about calling or going to the police as I give this Indy holiday flick 2 stars.
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!
Mad God (Shudder) – I’ll be honest about this flick Joe Bob Briggs gave me a reason to finally sit and watch this film. It always had my interest but I would always find something else to watch? Mostly because I had a feeling this movie might be a bit too artsy for me or fall into “not my cup of tea” kinda thing? Anyhow this film took thirty years to make as it’s a stop-motion animation of a post-apocalyptic world where a thing is sent into this visually stunning world to carry a bomb to the deepest depths of it. Mission would be accomplished but it is stopped by a crazy monstrous thing. This world has tons of creations to enjoy but it is hard to follow and definitely not a project you could classify as horror. This film reminds me of an old show “SyFy Exposure” that use to run late Sunday nights on SyFy Channel where you get to see several off the wall short films from filmmakers all over the world. It is an interesting project but with a run time at 110 minutes and not being your typical film to follow be prepared going in as I give it 3 stars for being wonderful to look at but is not my cup of tea thing.
Hellblazers (Tubi) – Here is a modest budget horror film that most horror fans would blow off because if you read the description and seen the cast your response would most likely be: “Great another stupid convention all-star horror film where people say their one line and collect a paycheck in a horror film with no soul.” Well kids this one is a little different (we have seen this story before… but) and worthy giving a chance as everyone has a role to play in making this quite entertaining. In a small community of Hope Valley where Billy Zane and friends raise a demon kind of surprisingly after a ritualistic sacrifice. Now a big city sheriff is trying to adjust to small community police work until this comes to light as a demon now stalks the town to feed to become stronger. With the help of the countless cult members the small community is quickly cut off from the rest of the world and as the demon feeds it becomes disgustingly cooler! Now the cast: Billy Zane, Tony Todd, Meg Foster, Adrienne Barbeau, John Kassir, Bruce Dern, and Courtney Gains. For this little horror surprise I gotta give it 3 stars.
Camp Murder (DVD) – A 2021 Mark Polonia film where a patient of Dr. Lewis decides it is time to leave the asylum when Dr. Lewis is retiring after 25 years. The patient Tommy escapes and returns to a campsite where it all began so many years ago. Problem is an Indy wrestler and friends have chosen to camp out for a couple of days in the same area. Doesn’t take Tommy long to find a mask and weapons to help him slaughter anyone in the woods. Funny thing is there is a subplot of the female Indy wrestler plotting to kill her husband for one of her fans because said fan of hers has a big dong! Starts off promising but quickly falls off of being any bit entertaining as you feel like Mark Polonia and crew slept walked through this one in two or three days as I give it 1 star.
Camp Murder (DVD) – Oh you are reading that correctly as I found another movie of the same title that came out a year later from Josh Bzura where a radio dude tells a Halloween story of some Adamsville people who get slaughtered at a summer camp August 1984. We all have seen this film hundred times or so but full kudos to Josh and crew for having a great set up, great use of location, a solid cast, and people that knew how to have fun with the formula of a masked killer at summer camp with a machete. There is a couple things that happen in this film that make me giggle as Josh does a great job building up some of these characters and capturing the awkwardness of others as this another worthy Indy horror film worth checking out as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Manhattan Baby (DVD) – It is 1982 and an archeologist disturbs a tomb and sets in motion an evil spirit following him back to New York City as he is found blind outside of the tomb. It takes some time for the archeologist to regain his sight but by then strange things already begin to happen in this weird Fulci feature. Mostly because the dude’s daughter has some ancient medallion that has chosen to possess her? So if you are looking for “Zombie” or “Gates of Hell” you will be way off with this one so don’t be surprised this makes your favorites of the Fulci collection as I give it 2 stars.
The Blackening (On Demand) – A mostly black casted horror film that has one of the greatest taglines ever, has the cast heading to a cabin in the woods to celebrate Juneteenth holiday. The couple who rented the cabin find a board game that sets up the plot of the film where the black characters are forced to answer questions or die. As they are forced to play there is a masked character trying to kill them off one by one and they let the jokes fly that keeps the film moving at a crisp pace. I absolutely loved this film until about 45 minutes in as it was like the filmmaker ‘let off the gas’ until the last few minutes of the movie which is very culturally relevant and a solid entertaining horror movie. For me I just wish they would have kept the gas to the floor, but watch it, enjoy it, understand it as I give this 3 ½ stars.
Amityville Death Toilet (DVD) – Welcome folks to entry #53 aka “Death Toilet 5” as I couldn’t track down part four but was able to find this entry where the first kill has a gentleman sitting on a toilet and getting killed so hard he loses his mustache! But Evan Jacobs who has been behind all five movies decided it was time to set this one in Amityville where Mayor Dump the mayor of Amityville is flustered and wants an end to the senseless murders by the death toilet. Because you know it will kill the tourist season for Amityville! So Mayor Dump hires a ghost hunter Gregg G. Allin (G.G. Allin yinz clever bastards) who literally has tens of followers to take care of the death toilet before tourist season starts for Amityville. Pretty much a 71 minute feature with lots of filler could have easily been cut down to 20 minutes as I give this a 1 star.
Track of the Moon Beast (DVD) – A hokey mid-70s film where a small part of a moon rock falls from the sky and lodges itself in this dude Paul that causes him to change into a lizard monster at night. As humans die a local professor and police debate over lizard creatures walking the earth millions of years ago as they try to stop Paul before he eats his way through the locals in this cheesy mess that I am surprised haven’t run into over the years on a horror host show. For that I give it 1 ½ stars.
Subspecies V: Blood Rise (Tubi/DVD) – Charles Band and Ted Nicolaou return to a fan favorite ‘Radu’ who was one their staples in the early days of Full Moon. This story tells the story of Radu shortly after being born is stolen by the church and grows to be a crusader who tracks down evil for a living. But Radu makes a mistake one evening rescuing a woman and her child believing there has been enough death and just coming face to face with his father/master. After several days of trying to help this woman and child, the woman is a vampire and bites Radu thus beginning Radu’s transformation into an evil vampire with no master who thrives on death and destruction. This was a wonderful edition to the “Subspecies” series and makes you wonder why Charles Band can’t get his shit together to make more projects like this that makes you nostalgic for the original Full Moon days but actually have hope of seeing some cool new shit from them. Old Full Moon fans like me will be actually delighted with this entertaining entry as I give it 3 stars.
Raw Nerve (DVD/YouTube) – An oddball serial killer film that stars: Sandahl Bergman, Tex Cobb, Jan-Michael Vincent, and Traci Lords in 1991 which spells B-movie gold that was most likely a direct-to-video release back in the day? A detective baffled by the mysterious serial killer who has killed over the last several days is known to shoot the women victims in the face. Meanwhile, Jimmy an amateur race car driver has visions of the murders and goes to the police about it but they don’t believe him. Oh did I mention you will know who the killer is five minutes in and there is some weird plot twist about incest? Believe me it is cheesy and weird enough to keep you entertained for 90 minutes as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!
Cocaine Cougar (Tubi) – Dustin Ferguson is back at it again like a lot of people doing a parody of “Cocaine Bear” but the movie is only 50 minutes long and 15 of that is credits? Sorry my friend you are no Charles Band and people know I have given that dude some shit over the years for that. But anyhow a cougar breaks out from the Ferguson Labs where the bad CGI cougar kills a drug dealer and snorts cocaine. Then the rampage is on the so-called mountain side where you hear lots of terrible jokes. Mr. Ferguson is a talented person but I have always felt he does much more with documentaries and extras for other movies than he does for his own work if that makes sense as sorry my friend I gotta give this a ½ star.
Doll Shark (Tubi) – Of course it is from the minds of Mark and Anthony Polonia as they are back at it with another shark movie but the biggest problem is they didn’t have shark movie expert Maddie Deering involved and that was a mistake. We begin with a child named Kirby receiving a stuffed animal shark from his father that has an evil shark tooth placed inside for luck but actually possesses the stuffed animal. Kirby loves the thing and even has it watched the cartoon it is based on with him but things get crazy when the possessed shark eats a dog and random humans in this hilarious Indy film that honestly would have been better if Maddie Deering of “Spirit Animal” and “Bathtub Shark Attack” was a part of that so I can only give this project 2 stars.
House Squatch (DVD) – For the love of fuckin’ Rutger Hauer I never thought I would see the day of this kids but thank you Mark and Anthony Polonia for doing something that has no business making me laugh the way this one did. So apparently when Squatches are threaten or they were a human’s pet as a small Sasquatch they will revert to going back to houses??? Sure, this is stupid, I am in! After rumors of a Squatch squatting in some houses of a local real estate mogul the local sheriff is pressured into trying to remove this creature from the homes as it is killing people who bother it. Think of this as a long “Three Stooges” skit where they are trying to trap Bigfoot. So if yinz need some laughs in your life look no further as I give this horror Indy comedy 2 ½ stars.
The Mutation (DVD) – A giant rat/human hybrid experiment has broken out its cage from a rando scientist’s basement who has been working in secret. Now the rat is seeking victims out on the city streets and eludes the zoologist that is brought in to help authorities. The movie isn’t real entertaining until “an extreme rules match” breaks out between a waitress and the giant rat in the middle of a restaurant where the bad ass cop leading the investigation cannot get his gun out but watch the carnage. There was a story, a rat costume, but the execution could have been a lot better as I can only give this film 1 star.
Claw (DVD) – A recent lower budgeted flick about a gene-splicing experiment or raptor gets loose in a ghost town. Two people heading to L.A. break down and walk back to this ghost town in hopes of a phone but instead are in for the fight of their lies with this pissed off creature that seem to kill only one person the whole movie? Who thinks this movie would have been better if it was called “Tourist Trap vs. Raptor” and Chuck Connors and Lorenzo Lamas ghosts showed up? Since it’s not that lets give it 1 star and yes I know Mr. Lamas is alive… maybe?
Blood Punch (DVD) – A college dude named Milton is in drug rehab after he got busted and trying to put his life back together. But then a hottie Skylar comes a calling in the rehab center looking for someone to help her and the crazy boyfriend to cook meth for a day and make a shit ton of money. Everything is normal until the three show up at a cabin to begin the process and Milton begins to keep reliving the same Tuesday everyday Groundhog Day-style! This is where the film begins to get even weirder as Skylar remembers everything that has happened and apparently has killed Milton several times as the bodies of Milton are piled up beyond some rocks. It gets a bit confusing and I am not totally sure if they get it right but you gotta give them this they came up with one weird movie about making meth where everyone gets killed multiple times as I give it 2 ½ stars.
The Annihilators (DVD) – Imagine New World Pictures decided to make a B or C-list version of “The A-Team” in 1985/1986 and you have your 90 minute movie. This feels like a direct-to-video kinda of thing that I am surprised I never had the pleasure of crossing by in the video store where a group of bad Vietnam soldiers head home after the war only to come together again ten years later for a friend. Their friend Joey gets slaughtered by a local gang who has been pushing around all the little community businesses for extra cash. So the old Sargent makes a few phone calls and gets the squad together to teach the community to defend themselves and they go on the offensive against these street thugs. A super solid action flick that will have you saying the whole movie “hey, I know that guy” as I give it a solid 2 ½ stars.
Fear Pharm 2 (DVD) – The sequel picks up right from the first film but also quickly goes back 15 years ago to explain how it all started at ‘Cool Patch Pumpkin Farm’ and the breakthrough for the facial cream began. These days Herschel is looking to expand their product as we find him on some kind of Home Shopping Network selling the facial cream and advertising the farm. With growing bigger comes great risk as the survivors find themselves all getting loose and running into the corn maze to escape to get the authorities involved. Herschel and his daughter are at odds most of the film as he is about family and she is about the thrill of the kill but they must work together or the whole thing is over. The sequel has heart, smartly written and well casted, with the effects a little bit too be desired compared to the first film but still a solid effort as I give this 3 stars.
Children of the Corn (Shudder/remake) – Yes people another remake and I think this makes 11 movies or something I actually have lost count. Anyway this version decided to take a different route and have it entrench in today’s farming but harks back to the original of trying to be lean and mean and that isn’t a bad thing. After a horrific accident between police and a child care facility a girl Eden wanders out of the woods with a different attitude on life. When all the adults decide to burn the corn crop because of terrible problems and make fun of the children at a community meeting, Eden decides it is time to round up the other children and take over the town. Bo who is on her way to college tries to come up with a resolution but quickly finds herself trapped as Eden as all the adults executed in various horrific ways. This might not be the best of the bunch but it’s got some bite, a little brutal, and way fuckin’ better than that SyFy Channel remake several years back that just left a sour taste in your mouth as I give this movie 3 stars.
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!
Stalled (DVD) – It is Christmas Eve, it’s a Christmas party, and a janitor with a toolbox full of cash finds himself trapped in a stall of the women’s restroom when a zombie virus breaks out. Two women come in and one thing leads to another as one begins to eat the other and with no time passing at all many other zombies begin to enter the restroom. Surrounded by zombies and blood the janitor is alone and trying to figure out how to survive but soon finds out he is not alone as a female voice begins chatting with him. Trapped the two talk things out on how this all got started and why they are the way they are. Funny, some gore, and great use of one location makes this an entertaining watch as I have to give it 3 stars.
Eternity (YouTube) – Philip Brocklehurst hard at work as usual throws this new 2 ½ minute short film out there that shows how long and short life can be at the same time but super effective and visually pleasing. Give props to my friend across the pond trying to do something outside of the box and a little artsy as I am sure it won’t be too long before he does something horror related again as I give this short 3 ½ stars.
Midnight Massacre (YouTube) – In my never ending search of “massacre” flicks I find this 39 minute dramatic horror film from India I believe? A small city has had several recent murders and they believe there is a serial killer loose to the point the police have a curfew for the residents. Meanwhile a young lady waits at the train station for her brother to come pick her up unaware of the recent murders and police with no clues. Lots of cool buildup with a nice payoff even if it claims it “will be continued” as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.
The Fairhope Massacre (YouTube) – A recent 28 minute film about two young friends heading to a cabin only to be stalked by a bootleg tater sack Jason! It is a nice stab at doing a sort of fan version of “Friday the 13th: Part 2” to sharpen the skills for a more original project. You may have seen it before but always enjoy watching something from young folks that you clearly see and feel they are doing this to prepare for something bigger film wise. For that I gotta give this fun project 3 out of 4 stars.
Motorboat(Tubi) – Mark Polonia reaches into his old bag of tricks from the early 90s to give us a no budget horror film about a possessed boat. A cult called ‘Brotherhood of Darkness’ prepares themselves for sacrifice and a mysterious priest kills them and disposes of them in a lake. Now two years later the cult seeks revenge through a possessed plastic motorboat that lures people to the water and cuts them down with the motor. We get some of the usual characters from past Polonia Brothers films while the plastic motorboat terrorizes the small lake town but there is hope in this mysterious priest and a harbor officer. Plastic boat, some techno music, and the evil motorboat getting destroyed by a Spirit Halloween prop. We laugh, we cry, but this is when I enjoy a Polonia film for what it is as I give the possessed boat film 3 stars.
Cocaine Shark (Tubi) – Then we move on to another Mark Polonia film where it seems Polonia is always trying to stay ahead of the parodies gives us this flick. Nowhere near as fun as “Motorboat” as this felt more for the paycheck than doing it for the art but anyway we got a druglord Felix who has a scientist who can make a drug from shark glands. If that wasn’t enough an accident happens and the human hybrid crab shark gets loose that was a part of the experiment. A lot of filler that takes up the film is a plot of an uncover cop who gets in good with Felix to bring his operation down. After about 80% of the film the shark hybrid thingy starts killing people. This was super terrible and not even bad in an entertaining way as I gotta give this waste of a parody 0 stars.
Amityville Emmanuelle (Tubi/DVD) – Welcome to all who don’t care as this is entry #52 that runs at 66 minutes and misses the total point of it being an “Emmanuelle” film. Now pay attention to the names of the characters as this will make sense not matter how terrible you think the film is? Anyway Laura Lutz daughter of George Lutz gets a bonus at work that allows her to buy a house/the American dream. Once settled in, an older woman stops by to explain she was a friend of her father’s on his deathbed and wanted Laura to have some things. One of them being Ronnie DeFeo Jr.’s ashes as George Lutz was obsessed with the house that the murders that happened. Of course this causes Laura’s friends to play with an Ouija board and her to have ghost sex! But DeFeo’s ghost wants more than sex and that is death! They bring in a psychic, have a séance, and bring DeFeo into the real world to try to kill him. All makes sense in the end except past “Emmanuelle” films were softcore porn and this was more softcore of a softcore porn??? It was weird to watch ghost sex but this was still a missed opportunity or more than likely toned down so it could be shown on mainstream streaming sites like they did with real porn in the early 2000s as I give this entry 1 ½ stars.
Big Freakin’ Snake (DVD) – Another project from Dustin Ferguson where it only lasts 46 minutes and the giant snake shows up at the beginning and the end of the film. Somewhere in the middle is a story about a possible gas leak or chemical spill (you take your pick) that causes rattlesnakes to go crazy and attack people everywhere near L.A. You also get some stock footage of snakes and the usual suspects of Mel Novak, Brinke Stevens, and Shawn C. Phillips showing up for a couple of minutes. Not totally sure what to make of this mess except I know Dustin has a cult like following but I would still proceed with caution in watching as I give the movie 1 star.
Metallica Through the Never (DVD) – Literally a 92 minute concert video with a small plot of a young roadie trying to seek out a dufflebag for the band with a small element of horror added into it. If you are a Metallica fan you’ll enjoy it for what it is if you are weird like me you still wonder what was the point and what was in the dufflebag as I give the concert video 3 stars.
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!
Dracula 1979 (Blu-ray) – Another retelling of the famous old blood sucker this time around starring Frank Langella the vampire from Universal Studios. Donald Pleasence among other great actors surrounds this adventure in vampire lure. Not my favorite version of Dracula but this film has great a great cast, bat attacks, a fun Dracula death scene, and great set design. Clearly Universal waited too late to compete with Hammer but put their best foot forward except with the part of Dracula. Frank is kind of an odd pick and it shows but don’t let that discourage you from seeking out the newer cleaned up versions of this 1979 flick because enjoy it for what it is. Looking back Frank should have been maybe their tenth pick as Dracula not first or second as everything else they did a great job with as I thought it was time to rewatch this flick and give it 3 stars.
Mr. No Legs (DVD) – I believe the first person that ever alerted me to this amazing gem of exploitation has to be popular writer and podcaster Ed Demko several years ago as he raved about this feature. This late 70s crime thriller is all about drugs and thugs but what separates it from the others is the man who plays the muscle for a crime boss is a man with no legs! But it doesn’t stop there as Mr. No Legs is reminded by his boss a couple times throughout the feature that he was the one that took care of him after his accident. But Mr. No Legs has something to prove and he is one bad ass sum of a bitch as he has shotguns built into his wheelchair, goes swimming with hot women, knows martial arts, and knows how to take care of loose ends. When Mr. No Legs isn’t on screen we have two cops Chuck and Andy that are following leads to find out about the one’s sister’s death which eventually leads them to a fight with Mr. No Legs and his boss! This movie is wacky and entertaining as hell and if that isn’t enough at one point one of the cops is stabbing a corvette with a sword during one of their big fights at the end as I give this wonderful wackiness 3 ½ stars.
Alien Private Eye (VHS) – This 1989 film is terrible but it’s hilariously wonderful if you couldn’t tell by the title? Anyway Lemro is an alien on Earth who spends his time on Earth as a private eye trying to pick up hotties with his crazy dance moves in alleys and his living room! But when his new hottie of a girlfriend Rene gets involved with an artifact that holds the info for a designer drug from his home planet it is time for Lemro to get to work and crack this case. Lemro quickly finds out he isn’t the only alien hanging out on Earth and must figure out whom to trust? This film has everything that will make you shake your head and giggle like a teenage girl which also includes Lemro shooting lasers from his wrists late into the film to save his girlfriend. Now the movie is super terrible, no lie, but I have to give it 2 ½ stars for entertaining the hell out of me and I dare you go seek this one out.
Amityville in Space (DVD) – As usual for all of those who are keeping track with me this is entry #40 where Mark Polonia is back once again and actually got a lot of press with this project late in the summer. Now saying that this wasn’t exactly movie gold like a “Leprechaun 4: In Space”. This time around a priest has decided to take the fight to the haunted house one final time as they bill it ‘Good vs. Evil’. During the battle the demonic house gets bored and forces its way out of existence only to reappear in the year 3015 near a black hole where the space cruiser “Wyoming 227” is trying to decide if they should zap it out of existence? No dice kids’ as usual dumb white people gotta still go into the haunted ass house even in space and of course the space travelers are hit with unspeakable evil and oh yeah they find the priest hanging out in a closet. I won’t bore you with all the great details of why this makes sense but bottom line even in 3015 they are still unsure how to rid the world of this evil and believe me Polonia made sure there is room for a sequel. To me this entry feels like Polonia tried to put some thought into it like his “Deathhouse” entry but just falls flat. I don’t blame him for trying something new in the “Amityville” series, just feels he may have needed more help to pull off this venture as I give it 1 ½ stars for what it could have been…
The Snow Devils (DVD) – A mid-60s flick where the polar ice caps are melting because of some space Yetis and their invention from their home planet that they fucked up years ago! Alien Bigfoots I am in as I have to give this adventure 2 ½ stars.
Winterbeast (Blu-ray) – A film like “Spookies” that was started, never finished, and then restarted again over a couple of years has found its cult audience recently with its new Blu-ray release. Apparently a monstrous Native American legend is Claymation and pissed off as these odd shaped monsters are killing good folk at a popular mountain lodge. Throw in a dumb forest ranger and you got a movie that most of us are totally sure what it’s all about but enjoy the hell out of it as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Ninja (Blu-ray) – Scott Adkins is Casey, an orphaned American teenager who was taken into a legendary dojo that still teaches the way of the ninja. After a falling out with another pupil Masazuka Casey heads to New York from Japan to protect the Yoroi Bitsu or the treasure/weapons of the ninja. If you are a fan of titles “American Ninja” or “Enter the Ninja”? Welcome to a new generation of badassery kids because Scott Adkins and crew put on a show as this isn’t any 80s hokey shit going down Dudikoff as I give this 3 ½ stars.
Ninja II (Blu-ray) – Casey is back and living the life as the new master of the dojo, has a wife, and has just recently found out a kid soon to come. But things are not well when Casey comes home one evening going out for his pregnant wife to find her murdered. Then the rest of the movie becomes one bad ass fight for revenge as Casey after fucking up people in Japan heads to Thailand to obliterate all in his path to satisfy his thirst for revenge as I give the sequel 3 stars.
Creature from Black Lake (Blu-ray) – This 1976 film known to Bigfoot fans takes place in the swamp and small town of Louisiana called Oil City. Two college students from the University of Chicago convince someone to fund their little expedition to Louisiana to investigate and try to prove the existence of a creature called Bigfoot? After hearing about multiple reports of a man losing his friend to a swamp creature they want to study it. Once there of course the two college students stick out like a sore thumb and just try to do their thing without stirring up any trouble as they are in a different country basically. After not much success investigating and only hearing sounds outside of a barn they run into old local Joe Canton who points them in the right direction. That is when the two college boys come face to face with the local swamp creature legend and now just trying to survive its attacks! Only had the pleasure of seeing this feature as a youngster during the mid-80s not remembering any of it most likely because like most fans we all remember “Legend of Boggy Creek”. That film is usually the first that comes to everyone’s mind who grew up at time so cool titles like this get overshadowed. Well now is the time to rediscover this Bigfoot film as Synapse Films has taken the painstaking task of putting a special edition out and it looks unbelievable! This might be one of their best jobs to date with this cleanup of the film and adding a couple extras that will make fans very happy: commentary from Mike Gingold and Chris Poggali, and more importantly “Swamp Stories” with Dean Cundey which is informative, entertaining, and cool how the film was taken in by this small community at the time. Great stuff as I give this package 4 out of 4 stars and available at www.synapse-films.com .
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!
Shark Encounters of the Third Kind (DVD) – Mark Polonia and his scuba diving stock footage is back to haunt audiences with another killer shark film that pretty much fails to be a fun shark flick. In this mess, big headed aliens have entered the earth’s atmosphere to clean up a past mess. The film not played for laughs is mainly about the aliens fucking with sharks and past alien abductees… Next time Mark do fans a favor go make another “Feeders” film instead of what? FIVE SHARK FILMS in two years that has stock scuba diving footage, the same actors and characters, and maybe 60 minutes of actual film between five movies that possibly has been splice together? Not to be critical or anything as I give this shark film 1 star.
Python Island (DVD) – I am not me unless I stumble upon a giant snake film from China that has alternate title of “Giant Snake”. The film sets the tone with a child getting lost on ‘Cannibal Island’ where the kid finds a magical tree that is protected by snakes. After being rescued and his village being ravaged by giant snakes years later the kid all grown up returns to the island with the right intentions to find a cure for his native island where they have been cursed with a mysterious illness. Lots of action, bad CGI snake effects, and people getting eaten keeps this interesting enough for weirdos like myself as I give it 2 stars.
The Devil Doll (DVD) – A 1936 Tod Browning film that is more of a thriller than horror than involves an escaped convict. A wrongly accused convict escapes with a partner from prison only to quickly inherit a secret that gets the man thinking of revenge on those who framed him? Using this certain power and costumes he is able to weave his way back into the lives of his old business partners. The film won’t blow you away in effects or what not but I found myself enjoying this character going to great lengths for revenge and making sure his daughter is well off as I give it 3 stars.
Starship (DVD) – Always looking for fun and dumb science fiction flicks so I give you this Aussie feature that is also known as “Lorca and the Outlaws”. The film is set on another distant planet where working conditions are shitty and an evil dude with an army of robots is trying to wipe out human rebels. There is a ship coming in from Earth and the rebels wanna use it to escape but the evil dude has other plans as he has been given orders to wipe out all human workers and replace them with robots. The movie can be a bit boring at times but I did enjoy finding another film that had Hugh Keays-Byrne in as hired gun to search for the great Lorca as I give the film 2 stars.
Amityville Cabin (YouTube) – So yes entry #38 for all of yinz counting is a short film that is available on YouTube about a no-budget film crew heading to a haunted cabin. Of course things go horribly quickly but not without the film crew basically winking back at the camera the whole time during this short film as I give 1 ½ out of 4 stars as I have seen much worse in this series.
The Barn II (Theater/rough cut) – Now understand horror fans the cut I and many others at the theater got to see is not a finished product. From what I know there is effects still being added, cuts needed still, and a couple corrections, the usual stuff but it is finally finished for us to all go enjoy. Anyway the lone survivor of events a couple years ago is off to college and in a sorority trying to help out with a fund raiser that just happens to be a haunted house or barn. As the small town folk struggle to get past the ban of Halloween being dropped people celebrate and head out in mass to the haunted attraction. But the demons/creatures seem to have some unfinished business and return. Lots of cameos that I wasn’t sure they were gonna work going in to see the film proved me wrong as I enjoyed seeing not only the big cameos but the smaller Indy cameos as they all a place in the film and didn’t feel forced. Without getting too much into as it being a sequel you Justin Seaman and crew wanted to make sure there is more monsters, blood, and Ari Lehman as I give the rough cut 3 out of 4 stars as this wraps up and gets me excited for what Justin and crew do in the future?
Bigfoot or Bust! (DVD) – A pretty recent Jim Wynorski film that has a group of women heading to the woods to look for Bigfoot (it is better you don’t ask why)! Their main task of doing this is shooting Bigfoot in the peen so they can get on T.V. and be relevant. Meanwhile there is also another group of women who come from 50 years in the future to find Bigfoot shit because it is worth millions in the future. Poor acting from the usual Wynorski acting staples, musical numbers, a trampoline (it is a dumb scene), lots of bad fake boobs, old T.V.s being thrown away illegally, and “The Good, The Bad, and The Bigfoot” skit litter this so-called film. Every time I watched hilarious garbage like this I do remind myself he made “Chopping Mall” as I give this 1 star for the mere reason the Bigfoot was actually entertaining.
Shark Side of the Moon (Tubi) – Asylum Entertainment has a new home to throw up new features since an unnamed network has become the ‘Harry Potter’ channel and that home is “Tubi”! So of course any crazy ass dumb shark film starts in 1984 Russia where the Russian scientists are experimenting with sharks and making them humanoid soldiers. The experiment gets loose and a couple scientists save the world by taking or sending the sharks to space depending how you look at it? Anyway 40 years have passed and NASA sends a crew to the moon to begin setting up for colonization of the moon. Sorry, nope, instead these astronauts find hybrid sharks who are surviving on the moon including populating it with plans to return to earth for world domination! But to the astronauts’ surprise they find the lone Russian scientist that knows about the experiment and a human/shark hybrid that is attempting to destroy all hybrid shark plans for world domination. I laughed a lot during this film for good and bad reasons but bottom line it was entertaining as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Dead Zone (Tubi) – Jeff Fahey and Michael Jai-White star in a cheaper but possibly more entertaining version of the first “Resident Evil” film with special suits because the government is using dirty bombs to kill zombies as I give it 2 stars.
Mutant Blast (DVD) – This is one of those holy fuck gory post-apocalyptic zombie flicks out of Portugal where two survivors try to survive an onslaught of zombie chaos. One is military trained and stabs a lot of zombies in the skull, the other is some hung-over dude who happened to walk into this mess and eventually grows a rat out of his left hand that the rat’s mum comes looking for it eventually. If you enjoyed weird shit like “Bad Taste” and “Evil Aliens” this is your bag kids as I give it 3 stars.
Massacre at Central High (Blu-ray) – This 1976 film always had that T.V. movie feel to me and it has never looked so wonderful than it does on this Synapse Films Blu-ray. A staple of early 80s cable for me and most likely many others as it was time to revisit this more than relevant film about high school students and write a new review. David is new to the high school and an old friend of Mark who David helped out a while back. Mark wants to introduce David to his clique as they get whatever they want. But it doesn’t take David long to know this small group are bullies and have bullied the whole school into submission. David tries to help out and walk that fine line of standing up to the bullies and defending those who have been bullied for a long time. But after an attempted rape by this clique and David beating them up they pay him a visit and cripple David. Now David just wants revenge, but there is one problem as he gets rid of the bullies, new ones pop up causing David to think bigger in ending this vicious circle of life. The film is over 45 years old and more relevant now than then and seeing it at a young age I may have never comprehend the movie’s subject matter? What makes this film great and David’s plotting relentless is the characters were perfectly casted (Andrew Stevens, Derrel Maury, Robert Carradine, Kimberly Beck, Ray Underwood, just to name a few), there is no adults getting in the way for most of the film, and most likely any person that has or will watch this film/Blu-ray know or have known one of these characters at this school in the film. Again it’s over 45 years old and the film still has realism to it. Along for the ride on the Blu-ray is some audio interviews, trailers, and a very cool documentary that if a fan of the film will have you ‘nerd’ out on who they got talking about the film? A pretty cool release for your physical media collection from Synapse Films as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars, for more details go to www.synapse-films.com .
River of Death (DVD) – Actually been looking for this Michael Dudikoff film for a while as it seem to be out of print until recently as it is popping up everywhere on streaming services and physical media. Our film begins in 1945 Germany where a series of events has a couple Nazis screwing each other over to escape capture or death but also to continue some evil Nazi experiments. Flash forward twenty years in the Amazon jungle Dudikoff (Hamilton) is guiding a doctor and his daughter through the jungle to find the source of a mysterious disease killing the natives. After getting captured and shot at Hamilton wants to go back as he believes he has found ‘The Lost City’ and that is where the doctor’s daughter was taken too. Problem, a lot of people are interested for their own selfish reasons including a Donald Pleasence he believes the Nazi doctor (Robert Vaughn) that screwed him over is alive and well! They all venture into the jungle to survive heat and cannibals to go find ‘The Lost City’. Dudikoff isn’t a ninja but this film was still damn entertaining as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!
Sharkula (DVD) – Mark Polonia is pooping out low budget shark movies left and right so it comes to no surprise when Dracula is forced off a cliff long ago and bitten by a shark in the ocean. Many moons later Dracula returns to the same area to run a place on the seaside called “The Basket O’Chum Restaurant and Marina” where he controls most of the coastal town. To help Dracula’s control he sacrifices poor souls to the ‘Sharkula’ as part of his pact with the sea devil. Honestly folks this is bad but I have to admit I laughed several times for the mere reason it is “Sharkula” as I give it 2 stars.
Helsinki Mansplaining Massacre (On Demand) – An interesting 15 minute short film concerning a couple who is in a car accident and rescued by a group of men. But rescued is used loosely here. These men’s egos bruise easily as they all believe men are superior and women are only good for housework and breeding. Now Essi is just trying to survive these morons and trying to escape a bad relationship. It’s hilarious, it’s fun, and relevant as I give it 3 stars.
Jill Rips (DVD/YouTube) – This 2000 Dolph Lundgren film is also known as “Jill the Ripper” on VHS that was also directed by Anthony Hickox. The film is set in 1977 Boston where headless tied up bodies of men are showing up around the city. Matt (Lundgren) is an ex-cop who left under odd circumstances and now is back as his brother was the first victim. Matt quickly finds himself out of his element as looking for the killer has him falling down a wormhole into kink and bondage he could never imagine. An interesting serial killer flick especially for Lundgren but as usual his underrated talented ass pulls off a great performance in a ‘not your usual serial killer flick’ that I have to give 2 ½ stars too.
One Night Stand (DVD) – Yes, I am a little obsessed with ‘end of the world flicks’… Can’t help it as I grew up during the 80s where a lot of those flicks got made. Anyway this 1984 Australian film takes place mostly in the Sydney Opera House where four people quickly become friends as the world might be ending as they know it outside? It is New Year’s Eve and news of a nuclear device going off nearby has all residents on standby as these four try to entertain themselves believing or at least holding out hope for everything to be better in the morning. The four try to make the best of it as a good bit of the film is how they interact with each other and watch how they look back at what is left of their young lives. The film is a bit dramatic but has a really terrifying ending that I think still works today as society keeps pushing for extinction as I give this film 3 stars. If anything the film is worth watching for how it ends, great stuff.
Prey (Hulu) – To be honest I didn’t have high expectations for this Predator one-off as it was going the route of streaming. But rethinking this opinion as I watched the movie two things popped in my head: 1) everything is going to go streaming sooner than later. 2) I really enjoyed even though it’s a one-off it still tries to connect to the series but give the movies a fresh start. “Predator” just like the “Puppet Master” series has many stories to tell so I am happy with watching a Predator heading to the 1700s to go fight some Native Americans so please Hulu give us more as I give this film 3 stars.
Badlanders (DVD) – Some of our friends overseas might know this 1992 sci-fi adventure as “Prison Planet” starring bootleg Michael Pare. Bootleg Pare and his girlfriend get captured on purpose trying to erase records of rebels so the government can’t find all of them. But also so Bootleg Pare gets sent to the prison planet so he can find their king, Himshaw, who was banished by his brother 30 years ago. Honestly the film drags and doesn’t have a whole lot going on even with the bootleg of a bootleg villains as Charles Band in his Empire Pictures days would have dome this much better and we most likely would had an appearance of a Jeffrey Combs and Barbara Crampton? I wish this little known film was better but it was mostly a dud as I can only give it 1 star.
The Cheerleader Sleepover Slaughter (DVD) – A group of cheerleaders more concerned with their upcoming sleepover than school are missing their friend who is hosting it. This is where a senior, Lori comes in, as Lori has been trying to get on the squad every year but denied. Now Lori has a chance for an in on the squad as they need a new location for their sleepover. The film has a creepy camera kid, a killer that shows up before the credits, cheerleaders getting naked as it checks all the boxes to pay some homage to “Slumber Party Massacre”. But two minor issues with this film: the pacing of the film felt forced from beginning to end and the music didn’t fit the film. But the film has heart and in the spirit of the old school cheerleader slasher films this will find a place among horror fans as I give it 2 stars.
The Athens County Massacre (DVD) – This absolute boring piece of crap is a found footage/conspiracy flick involving unsolved homicides in 2014 called “Athens Woods Massacre”. According to the teletype at the beginning of the film some hackers have gotten ahold of footage and F.B.I. documents of this cover up! The event involves a hack alien investigator William Miller who has a show called “Alien Hunter”. When William Miller is being one of the most annoying film characters of all time He finds himself deeper and deeper into this so-called cover-up of aliens killing people in Athens County Woods. Does he ever really find evidence that is up to you to find out? Or if you or me you regret some life decisions like watching this dog turd and want your 80 minutes of life back as I give it 0 stars.
The Night Before Easter (DVD) – A super terrible 2014 Indy film where a group of friends go to play ‘hide and seek’ and party in a large storage building to send off a friend to London. But a person dressed as the Easter Bunny is killing them off one by one. This film is ridiculously slow and I have never seen characters look so awkward when interacting with each other as everything seems dumb and made up on the spot and nowhere near a good way. This film insulting to killer bunny films as this has to be one of the worst films I have watched in 2022 as I give it 0 stars.
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!
Noah’s Shark (DVD) – Mark Polonia and his usual suspects are back with another no budget shark movie where when Noah built the ark there was a demon shark or some shit? Now present day, a troubled priest and his video crew search for the ark when a hot redhead isn’t on screen and they talk about ‘Witches of Endor’. Which isn’t that the place where the Ewoks are from? Anyway they head to the forest to search for this ark and end up in a bootleg Talking Heads video after 60 minutes of film… Yes kids, this one was bad from the get go and did I mention there is barely a shark in this as I give this film zero stars!
The Glove (DVD) – John Saxon is a bounty hunter who plays it safe and collects on the little bounties to stay out of trouble and keep his health. Rosey Grier is a big ass man with a riot glove that when he isn’t fucking up Ford Pintos he is planning revenge against some prison guards and executing them. But with a divorce and a gambling problem Saxon’s character the $20,000 price tag to bring Rosey in too hard to pass up in this late 70s action/exploitation flick as I give it 3 stars.
Scavenger (DVD) – A newer low budget post-apocalyptic film out of Argentina that follows the female character Tisha who is an organ dealer that gets mixed up in a world of sex, drugs, and gore. Lots of crazy Mad Max shit going on with a good mix of gore but the film drags big time as the story gets stuck in boredom when Tisha is drugged up and a sex slave for over half of the film. This film starts off wonderful paying homage to George Miller and his post-apocalyptic world but fails miserably before the film ever ends as I hated to give this a bad rating because I wanted to love this but only find myself giving it one out of four stars. It had the cars, the set design, the music, just couldn’t get the story together at all…
Death Screams (DVD) – A lesser known slasher film of sorts from 1982 that is also known under the title of “House of Death” got a DVD release in 2021. A small town where not much goes on until someone picks up a machete and decides it is time to slice their way through the town’s population. This slasher isn’t anything special and might be the reason this is a lesser known slasher but if you are a collector or a completest you most likely want to check this out for a watch as I give it 1 ½ stars.
Bigfoot vs. Megalodon (DVD) – It was time to walk down the “WTF?” road again and watch the sequel to “Bigfoot vs. Illuminati”. Yes, I cannot help myself but to watch garbage as this story takes place in 4045 and Van Helsing clone and his best friend Bigfoot are back to take on a Nazi-born experiment (Megalodon). This animated feature didn’t take long to get stupid and boring and just like the entry before was just a bad idea as I give it 0 stars.
Blood Bite (DVD) – First we need to go through this new shark film alternate title: Blood Shark, Horror Shark, and something in Chinese I can’t pronounce. But anyway if you needed “The Meg” rip-off you got one and of course nothing can go wrong when you experiment on sharks? Doesn’t take long for the CGI shark to get smarter and more pissed off and me wanting to just watch “Bad CGI Sharks” instead of this bad entry into the shark genre as I give it 0 stars.
Bull Shark (DVD) – Our story takes place in a small Texas town where the small town and its game warden have a shark in fresh water issue. The film has a great serious shark feel to it, set design, great actors, but the story is piss poor for going with the serious shark plotline. The days of a backasswards town mayor having the power to keep people quiet, not letting video of the shark get out, and any information about it being in the lake storyline have died. The “Jaws” storyline is weak if you are actually trying for a serious shark film, hell it barely works as comedy for the outlandish mutant shark films as it is overdone. Funny part is I enjoy everything else about the film and loved the Nolan Ryan plaque in the game warden’s office too but I can’t help but stress it’s time to rethink shark films if you go in the serious direction as I give this 1 star.
Maggots (DVD) – Aspiring scientist who is still a college student Stan convinces his professor to travel to a small town called Beaver Kill. There he believes he can prove contamination in the water is causing mutation among the animal and insect population but there is a catch? The professor forces a few failing students upon Stan for this weekend trip if he wants his extra credit and possibly his degree. Stan not expecting much than gathering samples for his paper gets a big surprise after he and his amateur research group do shrooms as that is when the action really begins. The giant maggots begin to attack trying to suck the heads off of humans in this throwback of late 80s and 90s mutant monster films as I give this hilarious unknown horror film 3 stars.
The Big F (Blu-ray) – A 2016 feature from the Rock Bottom Video crew where writer/director Brian Papandrea gets the talented crew Sadie Tate, Nathan Rumler, and others into a Bigfoot on the loose in a neighborhood on Valentine’s Day film. Bigfoot is horny and pissed off after escaping his basement prison and decides to terrorize a little housing division. But a redneck named Maverick is born ready to take on this hairy beast after it murdered his wife! What Maverick doesn’t know is Bigfoot has a small penis and really just wants laid on this Valentine’s Day. The Blu-ray has a commentary, behind the scenes segment, and two short films with one of them being a very hilarious short called, “Afro Zombies” featuring a much younger Brian Papandrea it seems? As usual more fun stuff from the Rock Bottom Video crew as give this package 3 out of 4 stars.
Wolves of Wuhan (DVD) – An Indy film out of China that I of course had to watch, because it is complete hot garbage where an ex-con/bar manager/punk rock band vocalist gets caught up with drug dealing thugs and has sex with a woman who also happens to be a CGI werewolf! Sounds like it has a little potential on paper but the acting is stale, the effects make my movies look like Oscar-winners, and the story was beyond terrible from the beginning. I give it 0 stars as I knew it was a bad idea from the beginning to watch this but hey you knew I had too.
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!
Microwave Massacre (Blu-ray) – If you closet fans of this film like me held on to your VHS copies of the movie you may rejoice now as a proper special edition has been released! You get to see Donald in all his glory of killing his wife, eating her, and becoming a hit with the boys back at the construction site as he feeds them his new recipes. The picture quality has no business looking as good as it does and all the extras make the Blu-ray a must have. The movie was never going to win an Oscar but I forgot how funny the film actually is as Donald is trying to eat all the hookers he picks up. A must have for indy film collectors and a must watch to remind everyone how fun it was to find dust covered gems in the video store as I give the package 3 stars and kudos to Arrow Video for giving the fans what they wanted.
Bloody Hell (DVD) – Rex just so happens to live in Boise, Idaho, just trying to hit on the cute bank teller at his bank until a robbery happens and that is where Rex’s life changes. Instead just lying down giving up his money Rex having military training decides he can kick some ass or at least that is what his other self that Rex speaks to on a regular basis convinces him of doing. Problem is Rex gets 8 years for wrongful death even though he is considered a hero by most around town. Eight years later, Rex gets released from prison and decides he wants out of Boise and wants a fresh start in Finland. Problem Rex’s life only gets worse as he is kidnapped by a weird ass family who feeds their inbred monster son and now has Rex hanging up in their basement missing part of his leg. Once Rex calms down a bit his inner self and he come up with a plan to escape and kill the family! I absolutely enjoyed this flick as it reminded me of a ‘Hardcore Henry’ and I talk to myself way too much because I work alone way too much, anyway I give this film 4 stars all the way for giving a horror fan something fun, strange, and well-crafted.
The Boonies (DVD) – Five friends head out for some camping one weekend to help a friend celebrate one last weekend before he gets married. The group has the misfortune during a hike of becoming a meal for the cannibal family that has lived out in the woods for generations. Now of course the group must fight for survival or become a meal or be married into the family. The film checks all the boxes of an independent cannibal film but does nothing that stands out other than casting Ben and Blake (BPO films) as the brothers of the cannibal family. Not to bash this feature but it comes off as generic and uneventful as I can only give the film 1 star.
Apex Predators (DVD) – Indy filmmaker Dustin Ferguson is at it again with a feature that has lots of Dustin’s vacation video undersea footage, random ocean footage, a couple shots of actual sharks, and a movie that lacks real shark attack scenes or anything that would resemble a shark attack. But anyway the plot of the film is the sharks may have taken the next step in evolution that has the “rogue gene”. If you like a film with a lot of reaction shots of actors then you have found the right film… If you like actual shark attacks in your shark genre flick then you better move on as this movie deserves the 0 stars I believe most viewers will give.
Mummy Dearest (DVD) – For the love of Rutger Hauer this bastard child of a film should be burned and never viewed as a daughter (Autumn) is forced to take care of her controlling mother after she has nerve damage from a chiropractor. Both stay with Frank who is pretty weird to begin with as he claims music is his life as he lives in this house that looks to be decorated like the city museum celebrating Egyptian kingdoms. As Frank and Scarlett explore Frank’s memories through back therapy weird shit happens as Frank or his grandpa killed people who lived in the home at one time and now are buried outside mummy-style. Basically the film is a big bag of horseshit! Lou Ferrigno is listed as the star who shows for two pages of script, Tara Reid shows up a walk down the stairs in a vision, and Richard Tyson and Michael Pare scenes are so quick I would claim legally they were not part of the film. The storyline was terrible, the film was terrible, wouldn’t be surprised this film ends up being the worst I have watched in 2021 as I give it 0 stars.
War of the Colossal Beast (DVD) – The late 50s flick is a sequel where Joyce, the sister of the Colossal Man still believes he is alive as the Army never found a body in the river. A food delivery truck goes missing in the mountains of Mexico causing the military to investigate. And Joyce goes along to possibly help them wrangle in her brother in as she would like to see him get some help some way. The Army captures the 60 foot man once named Glenn and returns him to the United States until they can figure out if Glenn knows them or has he lost his mind. If he has lost his mind the Army’s plan is to release him on an island where he will be safe and so will humans of normal size. Even though the sequel changes a few plot lines from the first film it is still a fun drive-in popcorn monster flick to enjoy that I give 2 ½ stars.
Dead End City (DVD-R) – I found another late 80s direct-to-video gold that stars Robert Z’Dar as a cop turned motorcycle gang leader. The government has an urban removal project in place where they can effectively remove the undesirable people from the populace. Maximum and his thugs roll into the inner city busting up people and their dwellings causing the residents to be run out of town to a relocation camp. This way a government official can decide who can be a part of their newly built city that will not have crime. But Jack and a few of his friends hold up at his factory not believing the bullshit being spewed out by the city officials. As Jack and the group hold out and defend themselves they become heroes for the ones who have already been relocated to these tent cities. A fun film that has that late-80s futuristic feel but isn’t and I can see how this even gets lumped in the post-apocalyptic genre, either way I have to give this fun mess 2 ½ stars.
Virus Shark (DVD) – One of Mark Polonia’s latest projects about a shark bite that starts a pandemic that affects the world. (Sounds a little too familiar) Anyway 800 meters below in the ocean is a team of scientists working on the cure as they believe it has something to do with the sharks and the experiments they are doing might bring forth a cure. But it becomes a race against time as the facility becomes unstable as it is on the verge of collapsing and we have the lead scientist trying to steal the antidote for financial means once topside. Chaos ensues and one scientist with the cure makes it to the surface only to face that it may be too late as no one cares she has the cure as the world has gone to shit. Not the best of the modern Mark Polonia era but I will say this is better than what the younger Polonia, Anthony has been directing lately as I give this 1 ½ stars.
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