Category Archives: Gross Movie Reviews

Gross Movie Reviews #388

0
Posted on by

Gross Movie Reviews #388

 

Snakeman (DVD) – A mid-2000s film also known as ‘Snake King’ stars Stephen Baldwin as a helicopter pilot and concern citizen of the Amazon jungle. Baldwin’s character helps fly an anthropologist and a few greedy scientists into the jungle looking for an Amazon tribe that may hold the answer to the “Fountain of Youth”? While venturing further into the jungle a snake is tracking them and feeding on them one by one. But once they find the tribe they find out the snake is the “Fountain of Youth” and has to choose you… Another fun CGI snake flick that I give 1 ½ stars too.

the-sky

The Sky Has Fallen (Vimeo/DVD) – A very dramatic independent zombie flick from filmmaker Doug Roos who tries a different approach to the bloated genre. The film centers around two survivors of a deadly virus that in the matter of hours either killed or zombified mankind. What makes this film unique is Lance and Rachel (the survivors) can deal with the zombies but it’s the dark shadowed figures that show up with the zombies that are the mystery. Lance searches the woods for days believing if he can find the source of the dark shadowed figures the zombie apocalypse can be stopped? As they travel deeper in the woods us the viewer learn that these shadowed figures kidnap the recently deceased and do experiments with them. And that the dark shadowed figures may be mutations? Kudos to Mr. Roos for coming up with a very unique but dramatic zombie flick that I give 2 ½ out of 4 stars. For more info or to purchase it: www.theskyhasfallen.com or www.kunaki.com/sales.asp?PID=PX00ZJ30QU&pp=1 .

 

#FollowFriday (DVD/SyFy Channel) – I have been waiting for this kind of film to pop up. Yeah there is ‘Smiley’ and ‘Unfriended’ just to name two but this is a little different. A killer uses Twitter to pick his victims, well popular Twitter people, or ones that have the most followers on college campus. Any popular person gets “#FollowFriday” on their twitter page they die. The reason I have been waiting for this kind of film is it really dives in with the internet trolls, stalkers, trash, and the kids who are living or dying on social media. It’s a great concept that I believe hasn’t seen its peak in the horror genre just yet? I give the flick 2 ½ stars.

 

Revenge of the Zombies (DVD) – A wonderful black and white classic horror film that stars John Carradine who controls zombies in the swamps. The zombies or corpses are experiments for Carradine’s character who is trying to build the perfect army. When he kills his wife he believes he has the answer to the perfect soldier until her brother and friends coming snooping around. I give the film 3 stars.

 

Steel and Lace (VHS) – A millionaire gets off of rape charges and Bruce Davison’s sister jumps off a building to her death not able to cope with the decision. Five years go by and Davison the scientist he is turns his sister into a cyborg seeking revenge on the five men that wronged her. Meanwhile a cop and an artist working on a new book uncover Davison’s plan of seeking revenge. Think a lower budgeted but much gorier version of ‘Eve of Destruction’. But don’t let lower budget stop you from enjoying this direct-to-video release as it stars Bruce Davison, David Naughton, Claire Wren, John J. York, and Brian Backer! A horror gem well worth the effort of tracking down as there is no legit DVD release of the film at this time. I give it 3 stars.

 

Sasquatch: The Legend of Bigfoot (DVD-R) – A film made in 1975 but not released until 1977 is a documentary-style film about Chuck Evans leading a research team deep in the British Columbia Mountains looking for Sasquatch. After several sightings of Bigfoot in the 50s and early 60s money was raised to send a research team was put together to find, tag, and release Sasquatch. The project came together quickly after the amateur shot film footage of Bigfoot. The seven person team enjoys the wildlife and untouched nature until they wondered into Bigfoot territory and the Sasquatch kicked the humans’ ass. The film can be boring but has its place in the Sasquatch genre like ‘Legend of Boggy Creek’. And with many new Bigfoot films and renewed interest in Sasquatch I would not be surprise this slightly unknown flick finds a way onto the DVD format sooner than later as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews #387

0
Posted on by

Gross Movie Reviews #387

 

Parker (DVD) – In this 2013 Jason Statham film, Statham plays a man named Parker who just happens to be a thief. In gets in with a group of guys to rob the Ohio State Fair but the four other guys want a bigger heist (diamonds and jewels) after it is over. Parker wants out so they kill him or so they thought as they leave him on the side of the road. A nice old couple finds Parker left for dead and take him to the hospital. From there Parker finds out as much info about the next heist as he can so he can plot his revenge and get his cut of the state fair heist. Remember its principal folks… But Nick Nolte gets involved, and then Jennifer Lopez as a failing real estate agent gets involved and the mob is involved. A really fun heist movie that has a lot of Statham kicks to the face action. The film is a bit like the Mel Gibson flick ‘Payback’? But anyhow Statham fans make sure you check this film out if you haven’t already as I give it 3 stars.

 

Cavegirl (DVD) – I remember this sex comedy (if that is what you want to call it?) from the “USA Up All Night” days with Rhonda Shear. Daniel Roebuck is a nerd named Rex who goes on a class field trip to an old mine. Rex finds himself in prehistoric world of sorts when he finds a weird stone in the cave and touches it. After Rex realizes he just went through a time warp and is chased by a giant bear a Cavegirl finds him so he tries to communicate and live among her tribe. Mid-80s film trying to cash in on the end of the sex comedy craze that is on the lower tier but still a fun trip down memory lane of knowing this type film exists. Thank you Rhonda Shear as I give the flick 1 ½ stars.

 

Fist of Fury (DVD) – Bruce Lee comes back to his master’s home only to find him being buried and his former school being pushed around. So Bruce Lee does what he does best and beats the holy shit out of everyone from the other school. I give it 2 stars.

 

Dragon Blade (DVD) – This Jackie Chan film caught me off guard as it stars John Cusack and Adrien Brody and based on true events of a Chinese man who got in the middle of warring Romans. Chan’s character is a man of honor and peace with the help of his fellow soldiers they try to keep peace in the land and keep everybody friendly. Then Brody’s Roman character comes along and wants everyone dead! This wasn’t the usual ‘Rumble in the Bronx’ and ‘Police Story’ stuff I am usually seeing Jackie Chan in. Plus, John Cusack as a Roman general, weird but interesting stuff I say as I give it 2 stars.

 

Rotgut (DVD) – A couple of hobos in a back alley find a bottle of tequila in the dumpster to keep them drunk today… Problem is the stuff as just been recalled for unknown reasons. After drinking it and trying to eat 2 for 99 cent hot dogs both begin to get sick especially after the one drank the worm. Meanwhile, one of our main characters Leon comes in to his shitty bartending job at the local bar that is on the verge of closing and must buy some booze as their supply is low. So the vendor he deals with lets Leon have some of the recalled booze so it can be the “special of the day” at the bar. A few regulars show up to their daily dose along with a random combat veteran back from the war not know their day will come to an end when the crazy ranting hobos show up. The infected booze begins changing all who drink it and eventually making your guts explode or sloppy ass worms burst out of your skull. If that wasn’t enough the ATF is trying to track down all the recalled tequila. The film has its moments of gooey goriness but never commits to being as fun and crazy as a ‘Slime City’ as I give 2 out of 4 stars to the recalled booze flick. More info or to purchase the DVD go to: www.campmotionpictures.com or www.alternativecinema.com .

the-ghosts

The Ghosts of Johnson Woods (DVD) – A project from Glenn Berggoetz I have been following ever since Glenn announced Joe Bob Briggs was casted for it. Of course the talented Mr. Berggoetz writes, directs, and produces this project and goes off the beaten path of his usual projects that are injected with comedy, horror, and sometimes the absurd. Glen goes the direction of dramatic thriller of a boy meets girl, girl convinces boy to make a movie just involving themselves to get famous. Lenny and Heather rip ‘Blair Witch Project’ and discuss what and how they can do it on Lenny’s iPhone. Cheap, easy, make quick cash… A friendship is born in a weird way between Lenny and Heather as both want a movie but for different reasons. After settling on the “Johnson Woods” legend as their backdrop, Lenny and Heather pick a good spot in the woods and begin filming. As a viewer you get to see the relationship grow between the two even though we are never introduced to Heather’s parent or parents and the only other main character is Lenny’s dad (Joe Bob Briggs) and a hooker. As the relationship and film blossoms a creep factor sets in, especially in the last ten minutes of the film. No nudity, not much blood, interesting oddity of boy meets girl storyline, but the creepiness of the ending makes this strange tale an amazing independent thriller that will make movie fans cringe with fear! Glenn you made a cringe worthy film as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. For more info on the film or Glenn check out: www.facebook.com/glenn.berggoetz and www.facebook.com/ghostsofjohnsonwoods .

 

A Werewolf in the Amazon Collection (DVD) – This collection is a three-disc set from Camp Motion Pictures that has four movies from Brazilian director Ivan Cardoso and a disc filled with short films worthy of hardcore cinema fans pursuing through. The collection not only brings some of the filmmaker’s films to America on DVD but gives you access to stuff some fans have not seen yet? The first film in the collection is 1982’s ‘The Secret of the Mummy’. The best way I can describe is if an old school mummy film was a sex comedy dream… The second film in the collection is 1986’s ‘The Seven Vampires’ where a bizarre man-eating plant from Africa supposedly kills a scientist and turns his wife into a vampire? Maybe… While trying to move on from the death of her husband she has bloodless bodies stacking up around her. Third flick is 1990’s ‘The Scarlet Scorpion’ which is about a popular radio soap opera that everyone listens to on a nightly basis. The show becomes even more popular when someone begins to copy the murders from the show. And then the final flick starring Paul Naschy is 2005’s ‘A Werewolf in the Amazon’. Naschy is Dr. Moreau who has moved his experiments and work to the deep jungles of the Amazon. But is found by a group of friends who are there to see the sights and trip their asses off. Moreau is feverishly looking for his own cure but may have found it in one of the women of the group. If you are a hardcore cinema nerd or a cult film collector this collection is right up on your alley as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars as it can be found at www.campmotionpictures.com or www.alternativecinema.com .

 

Pray For Death (DVD) – Sho Kosugi moves his family to America on the persistence of his wife to start his own business. But things go south when some jewels go missing that was hidden under the floor of the business. Some crooked cops and the mob is involved and tries to hurt or kill Kosugi’s family believing they may have found the jewels and keeping them? Kosugi won’t stand for this so brings out his old ninja uniform and starts throwing Chinese stars and back flipping everywhere. And if there is one thing that sums up this crazy mid-80s ninja flick it is: Ninja vs. chainsaw! Done!!! I am in every time folks. I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Pillow Talk (YouTube) – A new filmmaker (Mitch Dolan of Bummer City Youth Productions) or someone just trying to experiment film wise has made a shot film which involves time travel, Donald Trump’s diary, a lot of talk about cock sucking, and yes, aliens! Weird… art… complete crap? Not totally sure but it did make me laugh a few times as I give it 2 out of 4 stars. Go check it out at: www.instagram.com/mitch.dolan or www.vimeo.com/182429792 .

 the-barn

The Barn (Drive-in Theater) – Sam and Josh are just two normal high school seniors enjoying their last Devil’s Night and Halloween. Sam gets in trouble with his dad after Josh and he scare the shit out of Linnea Quigley’s character. Now Sam has to collect food for their church on Halloween and then face being grounded. But it’s Halloween and Sam refuses it to be shitty. So after seeing on TV about a band playing at a nearby town Sam and Josh come up with an idea to find a ride with friends to the concert and collect stuff in the small nearby town. When they arrive at the creepy small throwback community they find a barn. Is it ‘The Barn’ from a story that originated 30 years ago they have heard as kids that was haunted? They test the theory and just happen to awake three bad ass demons that want nothing more than blood and murder on Halloween night! Once ‘The Barn’ doors open and the demons arise, no one is safe as the creatures just begin to slash through the locals. We even get a “Yinzer” Crazy Ralph character that helps give the backstory of the demons. Now it’s up to Sam and Josh to find a way to send the demons back to hell! ‘The Barn’ is a perfect mix of 80s horror classics with a new and exciting touch to it. We get scary (amazing looking) demons, gore, Linnea Quigley and Ari Lehman, and the right amount of 80s corny horror cheese that made those horror movies so much fun! This film is a perfect Halloween-time movie that belongs on all horror fans’ watch list every Halloween… Literally watching the film I was saying to myself: I will watch this film every Halloween! It reminded me of such films: Neon Maniacs, Killer Party, Night of the Demons, Trick or Treat, horror classics that never get old. Kids, I give ‘The Barn’ 4 out of 4 stars and hands down one of the best horror films I have seen since I was a kid renting horror movies for Halloween. Check out www.nevermoreproductionfilms.com for more info.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Now available today! For $13!

0
Posted on by

Special thank you to Ed Quillin and Kyle Poling for all their help!

 

http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html

cropped-gmr-2016-cover.jpg

Gross Movie Reviews #386

0
Posted on by

Gross Movie Reviews #386

 

Almost Human (DVD) – The film is based on events that happened in a small town October 1987 and again two years later almost to the date in October. The movie opens with Seth trying to convince his best friend Mark that some weird stuff is following him. Mark goes outside to investigate and he disappears. For the next two years Seth is considered an outsider in the town. Even though he was cleared of all charges some folks still believe he killed his best friend. That is until Mark suddenly reappears two years later and is on a murder spree and going all ‘Invasion of the Body Snatchers’ on people. Weird and interesting in a ‘Fire in the Sky’ kind of way. So if you like alien abduction cinema this is the movie for you as I give it 2 stars.

 

The Mechanic: Resurrection (Theater) – Jason Statham is back as the character Bishop who all believes is dead and he would like it to stay that way. Bishop figured out a way to be a ghost and out of the “mechanic” business altogether and living in Brazil. While at a restaurant Bishop is approached with an offer or to expose he is still alive. After some great fight scenes Bishop travels to an island that few know about and tries to figure what his next move is? Bishop gets mixed up with a girl (Jessica Alba) he is forced to kill three of the world’s biggest drug lords and make it look like an accident or she dies. A few twists, quite a few awesome stunts, and apparently Tommy Lee Jones finds a way for his 1990 ‘Under Siege’ role to live on only a little older this time and Gary Busey or Seagal. Mom Gross enjoyed it; I enjoyed it, Statham made another solid action flick as I give it 3 stars.

 

Poolboy (DVD) – Another Saint James St. James project that has Kevin Sorbo in the lead role as the Poolboy who is trying to rid the Pool cleaning business of Mexicans. But Mexican mob leader Danny Trejo refuses to back down from Sorbo and fights back. We also get Jason Mewes and Courtney Gains in a couple funny small roles. According to Saint James St. James the project was filmed when he was 11 years old and was banned in 1990 for being racially insensitive? For those of you who don’t know this is the same filmmaker who has made ‘FDR: Badass’, ‘Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves’, and has ‘Boombox Bigfoot’ on the way. If that wasn’t enough to peak your interest this is as Kevin Sorbo’s character literally goes undercover as a clown with a van that states: “The only raping clown in town!” It has a few laughs but the real question is: “Does T-shirt Joe Garcia approve?” as I give the film 2 ½ stars.

 

Return of the Living Dead II (DVD) – The 1988 sequel was highly awaited by horror fans but disappointed many as the sequel went in a different direction than the original. The sequel maybe or maybe not picks up after the events in Louisville, KY.? But this time around a canister falls off of a military truck into a sewage tunnel where three kids discover it. Two kids come back to it after locking the smaller kid into a crypt in the local cemetery. They break open the canister and a poisonous fog is released sending the kids coughing and running home and the fog eventually awakes the dead again. Now the dead is feasting on the town and chasing James Karen and Thom Matthews again? For the time I know I was one of those disappointed horror movie fans that seen this flick in the theater. Now that many years have passed I have a different respect for it and believe it has a place in cheesy horror sequel cinema. But it still leaves me curious or what if they went into a different direction or continued the story of the first film? Feeling a little better about this sequel as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Morons From Outer Space (DVD) – A mid-80s British film about three aliens who have crash landed on earth and the English government believes they have found intelligent life? Problem is the aliens are the dumbest aliens earth could have ever come across. After being poked and prodded the aliens manage to escape and eventually become famous celebrities! Tried my best in keeping awake but this film was mostly a borefest as I give it 1 star.

 

Wrong Turn 6: Last Resort (DVD) – The horror film series where the cannibals have more lives than Jason Voorhees and Toulon’s puppets combined! This time around a group of twentysomethings visit the Hobb Springs Hotel in the mountains of West Virginia. One of them has just inherited the hotel and is finally learning of a family he never had as he recently tried to end his life while working with the stress on Wall Street. Slowly he comes around to the idea that his family means more than friends and he must carry on the bloodline. Which in this case means there will be another ‘Wrong Turn’ sequel that nobody knew was released? I give it 1 star.

 

Pale Blood (VHS) – A vampire (Michael Fury) visits L.A. and is paying a young investigator to investigate vampire-like murders. Mr. Fury is very interested in knowing if there is a vampire on the loose or is it some random weirdo like Wings Hauser making it look like a vampire is murdering people? ‘Pale Blood’ is one of those early 90s direct-to-video releases that flooded the video market that usually got lost in the shuffle. If you are a Wings Hauser fan like myself it’s worth the watch as I give it 2 stars.

 

Killer Holiday (DVD) – A group of kids going to party for a weekend are staying for the night next to an old amusement park and want to explore it of course. Meanwhile a lame demented killer named Melvin Holiday is on the prowl as he is tracking and killing the kids one by one. Apparently add this disappointing flick to the “adoption gone bad” section of films or “I don’t need to ever view this again” section… I give it 0 stars.

 

The Incredible Melting Man (DVD) – A lone survivor from a space mission that traveled to Saturn’s rings only to become a Goo Monster who needs human cells to survive. But with his mind turning to mush and losing melting body parts he escapes and terrorizes the countryside killing people. The flick is cheesy but fun but most remember this flick for having the effects done by the famous Rick Baker. I give the film 2 stars.

 

The Big Boss (DVD) – Bruce Lee goes to visit his cousins and find work. Once a few cousins are missing one evening after work Bruce Lee avenges his family by beating every damn person that is anywhere near him! Proving you don’t fuck with his family as I give 2 ½ stars.

 

The Way of the Dragon (DVD) – This flick is set in Italy where Bruce Lee is a country boy who is visiting his Uncle’s family restaurant only to find them and the restaurant in trouble. The mob wants them out whether they sell or just leave… But Bruce Lee begins to make it a little harder for the mob to move in when he takes on the whole mob and then eventually Chuck F’N Norris! The film is famous for its climatic superpower fight at the colosseum. This film is evidence of Bruce Lee really finding himself as an actor and an action star that was supposed to have much bigger things to come but was cut short. I give this Bruce Lee flick 3 stars.

 

Tenebrae (Blu-ray) – Synapse Films reaches deep into the Argento library to give this considered classic by many the all-star treatment with its dual English and Italian tracks, commentary by Maitland McDonagh, trailers from different countries, original U.S. end credits, alternate opening credits, and the interesting documentary ‘Yellow Fever: The Rise and Fall of Gallo’. These extras will leave Argento fans salivating but for those who haven’t experienced ‘Tenebrae’ it is a very bloody experience. The story is about an author named Peter Neal who is promoting his newest book in Italy. At the same time he is there a serial killer is making their mark by killing their victims in the same manner of Neal’s latest book. Neal’s booking agent (John Saxon) tries to keep Neal busy but as the letters after each murder show up and the police with no clues Neal decides he should investigate. ‘Tenebrae’ is an Argento title that isn’t talked about as much as a ‘Suspiria’ or a ‘Deep Red’ but is well worth investing your demented mind into. Synapse Films and Argento are a perfect match for the Blu-ray format and fans will want to add this to their collection also as I give it 3 out of 4 stars. For more info go to: www.synapse-films.com .

 

Buried Alive (DVD) – Another oddity of a horror film that has seemed to pop out of nowhere has an all-star cast and based on an Edgar Allen Poe story. Robert Vaughn runs a school (Ravencroft Girls School) for troubled girls who recently are starting to go missing one by one. When a new teacher arrives and the girls don’t respond to therapy they begin to disappear, transfer, etc. The new teacher begins to investigate with a local town sheriff and things get stranger from there as she has visions of people being bricked up in the walls. The cast besides Robert Vaughn includes: the talented porn star Ginger Lynn, William Butler, Arnold Vosloo, John Carradine (supposedly his last film in 1988), and the man, the myth, the legend Dr. Loomis himself Donald Pleasence! Not the best of slasher films but the names alone make this a gem a must find and watch. I give it 2 stars.

 

Blood Moon (DVD) – A werewolf film set in the Old West (Colorado 1880s) where a small stop for travelers (Pine Bluff, I believe) on the way to Denver turns into a fight of their lives. What sets the film in motion is two outlaw brothers rob a bank and take off to Pine Bluff for fresh horses for their ride south. Problem no one is there, but also the travelers come into town and when no one is found they investigate and find a body and some animal tracks. The two brothers hold the travelers up but also understand they are no longer alone as something is stalking them. Stories of “Skinwalkers” are thrown out there but some don’t believe until the blood and guts begin to pile up. A relatively low budget film with a good solid story, solid werewolf, a ton of gore, and interesting characters make this werewolf flick worth putting on the list of good werewolf films to watch… Which isn’t many as I give this 2 ½ stars.

 

Blood Sand (DVD) – The film has also been marketed as ‘The Sand’ stars Jaime Kennedy for ten minutes and about spring breakers finding an alien egg during their beach party only to wake next morning to see the egg hatched. Also very few people left in the morning or ones who didn’t fall asleep on the sand. Next thing you know a cheap version of ‘Blood Beach’ happens but then that’s why I seek random crap like this out and you don’t. I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Rockabilly Zombie Weekend (DVD) – The mosquitoes are bad in the swamps of Florida and the West Nile Virus is running rampant. The government comes to a local airplane pilot to pay him extra if he uses their new experimental pesticide mix to kill off the West Nile mosquitoes. He sprays the local towns with the new stuff and the people who came in contact with it soon change, die, and become the undead all during a rockabilly wedding. Zombies are attacking, mothers are fighting over their kids, but all Becky and Grant want is to get married and go to Vegas to see Elvis. There isn’t anything ground breaking genre wise but if you enjoy rockabilly music, tattoos, and zombie goo and gore then you are in in for a treat as I give it 2 stars.

 

Direct Action (DVD) – I believe a Canadian film about Dolph Lundgren as a good cop who just got a new partner. Problem isn’t the partner the problem is Dolph is about to testify for the Feds against cops known as the “Direct Action Unit”. Cops who might be above the law but have help crime go down 30% in the past year. But they are all dirty and Dolph just needs to survive till 5pm to go testify in front of a jury. So its cop on cop violence as Dolph tries not die and help his partner not become another victim in this action cop flick. I give this 2004 Dolph flick 2 ½ stars.

caroushell-poster

CarousHELL (YouTube/DVD) – One of my favorite independent filmmakers, the talented Steve Rudzinski has released another project and it does not disappoint at all. The hilarious horror film is about a carousel horse/unicorn named Duke who is at a small amusement park and part of the Carousel ride. Duke is disgruntled and tired of the amusement park life. Duke is the only talking carousel horse/unicorn with no one to talk too. But what has Duke the most disgruntled is chubby kids putting their unwashed hands all over him. So after Laurie and her younger brother Lunchbox visit the park and Lunchbox rides Duke, Duke has had enough and leaves the ride. His goal is to track down the fat kid and murder him. Meanwhile, Laurie and her younger brother go to a party as Duke begins his murder spree and only Cowboy Cool can help now. But by the time Cowboy Cool reaches the party the damage has been done as Duke has murdered his way to the kid named Lunchbox. And if this amazingly absurd horror movie couldn’t get any better or weirder depending on your point of view the carousel horse/unicorn has crazy animal sex with an incredibly hot tattooed woman who loves unicorns. Thank you Steve for helping me cross off something I thought I would never see in a horror movie. Don’t know if that is good or bad? ‘CarousHELL’ is absurd, absolutely unrealistic, completely ridiculous, and I LOVE IT!!! Steve made the impossible possible movie fans! And let’s not forget the great gore effects (not one but two great face smash effects). This film is easily one of the best features I have watched this year and will be on my “Best of 2016” list. I give this Rudzinski creation 4 out of 4 stars and you can find more or purchase it at: www.CarousHELL.com or www.silverspotlightfilms.com .

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews: More Massacres, More Sequels, More Beer! comes out September 15th!

0
Posted on by

It took awhile but it is almost here folks… “Gross Movie Reviews: More Massacres, More Sequels, More Beer!” will be released September 15, 2016 at the price of $13. Thank you to Ed Quillin and Kyle Poling for their help on the new book. I will have the new book with me also at Cinema Wasteland and the Too Groovy Toy Show a week later!

 

cover 4

Thank you to Ed Quillin

cover 1cover 2cover 3fridge

Gross Movie Reviews #385

0
Posted on by

Gross Movie Reviews #385

 

Navy Seals vs. Zombies (DVD) – Michael Dudikoff heads a team of special Navy Seals that are ready for anything. A zombie outbreak traps the vice president in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, and the Navy Seals are sent in to rescue him. Once finished they must head to a different location in the city looking for scientists at a classified CIA lab to extract them for the possible cure to the outbreak. Along the way the Seals are being filmed by a reporter who is looking for her big break. For the most part horror fans the box art is better than the film as it’s just another cookie cutout zombie flick that the only reason to watch is for the “Dudikoff”. I give this lame zombie film 1 ½ stars.

 

Freaks of Nature (DVD) – It amazes me the crap that makes the theater and then the random unbelievable awesome horror films that just show up on cable, On Demand, etc. This flick is the latter as aliens attack the small town of Dillford. The town has its issues as humans, vampires, and zombies are finding it very hard to coexist these days and the alien invasion gives them a reason to fight each other. Meanwhile, during the alien invasion and the war between Dillford residents, three teenagers (a human, a vampire, and a zombie) all must get over their everyday hang-ups of being teenagers. If they do not the world is surely going to die. The film has a great dialogue, great effects, but it all doesn’t work without these three: Mackenzie Davis, Nicholas Braun, and Josh Fadem. Without them this movie is nothing but because of them the film has that allure of a ‘Weird Science’ or ‘The Monster Squad’ or ‘Popcorn’ where movie fans will want to watch it over and over again. An amazing masterpiece in my eyes as I give it 4 stars and surely it will be on my “Best of 2016 list”.

Knuckle Bones

Knucklebones (DVD/Vimeo) – Here’s a little unknown horror film from Mitch Wilson and Midnight Releasing about some weird demon shit going down at a dry cleaner in Texas, 1976. 40 years we are introduced to a cute college girl named Neesa who gets dumped by her long time cute boyfriend. Neesa goes with the next step of trying to commit suicide but does not succeed. So when released, friends try to help and get her out of her funk by taking her along with two dudes to the supposedly haunted dry cleaner that has been closed since that faithful day in 1976. They find a box that has dice/bones/summoning stones (take your pick) and it has written instructions. So of course let’s summon demons and get our young nubile bodies sliced and diced! But it does not stop there as the demon “Knucklebones” they bring to life survives on death and gore but also does a horrible Freddy Kruger impression. After killing several people and the dice being crushed Neesa goes completely batshit crazy bad ass and cuts off her hand! Only to burn the flesh off the hand and send old Knucklebones away. What looked like a boring independent horror film not worth talking about turned into a gorefest where demons use chainsaws and women go Bruce Campbell to save the fucking world! My only complaint of the whole film is the decision of Knucklebones cracking shitty jokes the whole way. Outside of that little complaint this movie is bad ass with its demon, its gore, and just a bad ass character in Neesa. Thank you Midnight Releasing for putting this wonderful horror film out there as I give it 3 out of 4 stars. You can find out more about it at: www.braindamagefilms.com or www.midnightreleasing.com .

 

Green Room (DVD) – So Patrick Stewart runs a club for Nazi punks… that’s normal. Honestly fun thriller as an underground punk band finds a gig in the middle of the woods in skinhead country. They play a bad ass gig, get paid, grab their shit, and witness a murder. Bad news you cannot leave because Patrick Stewart gotta take care of things. So it’s up to the trapped band members to fight their way through killer dogs, skinheads, and just Nazi punks wanting to prove themselves. It gets pretty graphic and only bad thing I can say is I felt like I seen this movie before but don’t let that stop you from watching this non-stop onslaught of craziness. I give the film 3 stars.

 

The Demented (DVD) – Six partying college friends just happen to be at a cabin where a dirty bomb goes off nearby and zombies happen because of the bio-chemical fallout. They must fight their way out of the cabin and the small nearby town just to get some help. I felt like the film ‘Chemical Peel’ may have done this a little better but they don’t have zombies as I give this 2 stars.

Auto Shop of Horrors

Auto Shop of Horrors (DVD/YouTube) – When Glen Berggoetz contacts me about a new flick he has done I know it’s gonna be a good day and it was with his latest project that he co-produced, co-written, co-directed, and of course starred in. Glen’s character is Randy. Randy happens to be a mechanic at the local auto shop who is very interested in the ancient Aztecs. As you know “the ancient Aztecs use to eat people’s eyeballs so they can see in the future.” Randy doesn’t question it at all and just goes with it as the auto shop now turns into ‘Blood Diner’. With each new client having engine trouble, Randy traps them, kills them, eats their eyeballs, and pushes them off a cliff in their car (or the same car in every scene.) Even when a detective begins questioning Randy that doesn’t stop Randy from being obsessed with eating eyeballs and seeing in the future. The highlights are licking eyeball scene which may be the most disturbing thing I have ever seen, his visions of ‘Midget Zombie Takeover, and what looks like twizzlers hanging from the eyeballs once removed. Glen has produced another classic independent horror film that is worthy of its title and to be watch by many as I give it 3 out of 4 stars. Find out more about the film or Glen’s other worthy projects go here: www.facebook.com/glenn.berggoetz or www.facebook.com/AutoShopOfHorrors .

 

Isle of the Dead (DVD/SyFy Channel) – Joey Lawrence is a part of a Navy Seal team going to an island that is infested with zombies. The island became infested after a military experiment went wrong ten years ago so now the government sends in a team to extract information before nuking the island. I am sorry you are still processing I said Joey Lawrence but either way just move along because you are not missing much in this latest entry to the zombie genre as I give it maybe 1 star …

 

Venomous (DVD) – A 2002 flick about Treat Williams playing a doctor in the desert town of Santa Mira where rattlesnakes just happen to be carrying a new strain of “Ebola”. These rattlesnakes just happen to be a mutation of an experiment during the Iraq war that disappeared or the building blew up. Long buried but now rearing its ugly head in this small town some military types want everyone to go away permanently as they try to convince Andrew Stevens to nuke the town. But Treat Williams and his cute ex-wife finally come up with antidote and get on TV to stop the nukes! Treat Williams always makes “when animal goes bad” flicks so much fun as I give this snake flick 2 ½ stars.

 

Terrordactyl (DVD) – A generic “Tucker and Dale” hook up with a cute bartender to fight space dinosaurs and there wasn’t even an Eric Roberts cameo. Count me out as I give this flick 1 star.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

First stop this fall for Gross Movie Reviews…

0
Posted on by

www.cinemawasteland.com

CW

Ticket Prices: 3 Day VIP Passes are $40 thru September 9th, 2016. 3 Day VIP Passes are available at the door Friday for $50. Single day admissions are $20 thru September 9th, 2016 1 Day Admissions are available at the door – $20 on Friday, $25 on Saturday, $15 on Sunday

The Guest List for the Sept. 30 – Oct. 1 & 2 is now pretty well finished. We also added a few more Films to the list of Movies and Shorts we will be screening and started scheduling the 60+ hours’ worth of Programming that goes into each and every CW Show.

We’ve had a ton of people ask us about the cool glasses we printed for last year’s 15th Anniversary Show. It wouldn’t be right to reprint them since they were designed as a limited collectible but we did work up another all …new design that we will be getting printed in time for the Fall show. They’ll be limited as well, but we promise to print up a few more than last year. In the meantime, the new glass artwork is posted with this post so everyone can check it out.

Passes are naturally on sale now and you can still get a 3-Day Pass for only $40, which also gets you into the show at 4pm on Friday for no additional charge. You can grab your passes on line at: http://www.cinemawasteland.com/cinemashow/ticket.html

 

Gross Movie Reviews #384

0
Posted on by

Gross Movie Reviews #384

 

Full Eclipse (DVD) – Oh the glory of random HBO original movies… This lesser known werewolf film if you can classify it as that was released in 1993 starring Bruce Payne, Mario Van Peebles, Patsy Kensit, Dean Norris, Jennifer Rubin, and Paula Marshall. Max is a young cop who just lost his partner in a chaotic hostage takeover of a nightclub. Some time passes and his partner is back and good as new or so it seems. Meanwhile a man named Adam Garou wants Max to be part of his “special forces unit” within the police department. They help reduce crime drastically where ever Garou goes. Max not being a team player thinks something is weird and sees it in person when he is invited to a raid of a mob party where this group turns monstrous and kills all! Garou injects the team with a serum of his making that makes the team impervious to pain or being killed. One problem you are part werewolf and could go mad or become disfigured if you do not take the serum on a regular basis. ‘Full Eclipse’ is a very different twist on the werewolf genre that not many horror fans talk about plus added bonus debating if it was influenced by the ‘Wolverine’ character, just sayin? I give the werewolf film 3 stars.

 

Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves (DVD) – Let that title sink in for a minute as it is totally based on an accurate account of Alabama in 1910… Helen and family are attacked by these vicious creatures known as Nightwolves which causes her to be deaf and blind. So Helen takes upon herself to defend her small town and family against the evil creatures with some help from Barry Bostwick. The film also includes a hilarious line when Helen first meets Barry Bostwick’s character and feels his face and says, “It feels like Bruce Campbell”. This movie had me laughing from the time it began to after the credits as it takes nothing serious and that’s good in my book as I give it 3 stars.

 

Ozark Sharks (DVD/SyFy Channel) – Sharks have infested a Colorado lake and there is a dude with a Jeep Cherokee Truck that has a harpoon gun attached to it just because. Okay I will watch but I didn’t say it was good as I give it 1 star.

 

Shark Killer (DVD) – Arnold Vosloo is an unstoppable bad ass who likes diamonds and lives in South Africa. Someone screws over Vosloo and the biggest diamond on earth has been swallowed by a great white shark. The only one that can help is bootleg Chris Pratt aka Chase Walker who makes his living with sharks, sort of. His brother is the one that screwed over Vosloo and Vosloo has been shot, burned, and attacked by sharks but keeps coming. A wonderful overlooked B-movie worth watching with friends and enjoy the cheese but be entertained also as I give the flick 2 ½ stars.

 

Sharknado 4: The 4th Awakens (DVD/SyFy Channel) – It’s been five years since the last known Sharknado has hit anywhere in the world. Ian Ziering as Finn has been resting comfortable at home with his and April’s son and decides to go to Las Vegas. There is the epicenter of Tommy Davidson’s invention of a weather destabilizer and many located around the world stop the Sharknados before they ever get started until now. This time around the Sharknados get started on land and cannot be stopped as there is a snownado, firenado, radioactive Sharknado, you name the nado! Finn rushes back to Kansas to save his son but must help everyone along the way. Tara Reid returns from the aid of her father Gary Busey. David Hasselhoff returns, Lloyd Kaufman makes an appearance, horror fans get Caroline Williams from ‘TCM 2’ fame to make not one but two references to ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre’, and if that wasn’t enough Steve Guttenberg shows up with a Stephen King ‘Christine’ reference! The series is fun but as I said last time out I believe the series needs to end as I give it 2 stars.

 

2 Lava 2 Lantula (DVD/SyFy Channel) – I believe I have finally broken the computer’s spellcheck with that title? Steve Guttenberg is back as Colton and this time he has to go save his college-aged daughter in Florida as the lava spiders are attacking again. With the help of his partner Michael Winslow, Colton leaves his latest film project to find his daughter, throw out I believe a very random ‘Cocoon’ reference, and fight with Martin Kove about not waking the queen lava spider and long enough for Kove to say “sweep the leg”. The sequel still has the magic of the first film but like ‘Sharknado’ kill off the series before it becomes a shell of itself and where in the hell is the real star Michael Varrati? I give the sequel that had some awesome trailers 3 stars.

 

Spectre (DVD) – James Bond faces his own extinction and must make a choice as the demise of the “007” program is about to be finalized but for the wrong reasons. With no one to trust and being tracked by his own government James must find out why the program is about to go away but why one man is about to be given all the power of most of the world’s securities and be able to track and see anything and everything. I really enjoyed the Bond film as I thought it was a spectacular ending to the recent stretch of Daniel Craig entries. Will it be his last remains to be seen but if there is one more this has made sure we will get finally a stand-alone Bond film that has no connection to the past films. This film presents a case that Bond is still relevant as I give it 3 stars.

 

Outlaw of Gor (VHS/Comet TV) – The Professor Cabot once again returns to the world of Gor where the place he once saved is in trouble as a high priest and a cheating queen cause issues in the kingdom. The high priest is played by Jack Palance and this 1988 film has made it on many bad film lists over the years and one of the more popular episodes of MST3K among fans. For me it’s a sequel and I seen the first fantasy film so of course I needed to see this oddity as I give it 2 stars.

 

Frontier Marshal (YouTube) – As a request from a friend I watched this western to review it and glad I did. The 1939 film is all about Wyatt Earp and the O.K. Coral and put it simply influences the modern day film ‘Tombstone’ that stars Kurt Russell and Val Kilmer. It’s wild as we get to see a young John Carradine, a young Cesar Romero play Doc Holliday, and the Wolfman himself Lon Chaney Jr. playing a henchmen/paid gunman. Enough violence to make it stand out from the usual westerns of the day but its portrayal of the O.K. Coral is amazing and you understand why so many kids of that era wanted to be cowboys. I give this oldie but goodie 3 ½ stars.

Creature Feature

Creature Feature (DVD/Vimeo) – Filmmaker Chase Smith presents to you an anthology of scary stories that are being told by a group of friends trying to scare each other at a Halloween party. We have clown statues, revenge zombies, witches, scarecrow/pumpkin man, and a haunted house with a baby killer/werewolf who lives there. The group is trying to scare the shit out of each other with each story as drink more and more but who ends up scaring who is the twist. The 80s inspired anthology screams fun with its short quick stories, nudity, and gore and gives horror/Halloween themed film fans something else to look forward to watch for the upcoming Halloween holiday as I give the film 2 ½ out of 4 stars. You can found out more about the film at www.braindamagefilms.com and www.midnightreleasing.com .

 

Batman: The Killing Joke (DVD) – The comic book story of Batman and Joker of where Joker crossing the line comes to animation film land. Batman has been training Batgirl/Barbara Gordon for a few years now and things have become different at least for Batgirl. Frustrated, she goes out on her own to fight a mob boss’ son who wants to get in the head of Batgirl. Once resolved and the relationship has changed between Batman and Batgirl, The Joker has found his way out of the asylum and has big plans for Commissioner Gordon and his daughter. I enjoyed the film till the end where Batman and the Joker just laugh together instead of killing each other. I am sure there is some comic book nerds that will explain this to me but I thought someone die after Barbara Gordon was raped at gun point. I give the film 2 stars.

Hollywood Nightmare

Hollywood Nightmare (DVD/Vimeo) – Another Chase Smith film that stars Zoe Meyers as a stuck up actress Kendall Summers who thinks she is a movie star before she has become one. Kendall walks off her latest project for the weekend to get together with friends and show off her new million dollar home she just signed the papers to lease. Once there her two friends have better plans as their boyfriends show up and Kendall is forced to go to bed alone and drunk. Annoyed, Kendall keeps hearing noises all night. Next morning Kendall practicing lines for Monday’s scenes notices a shadow/a dark figure while studying the tape of her lines. When the leasing agent Sam keeps showing up unexpected, Kendall begins to question Sam about the history of the home. Sam is vague about everything as Kendall continues to hear noises, have dreams, and see a dark figure. The film is a fun thriller that runs a little longer than I like but the performance of Zoe Meyers is what makes this story work as I give the film 3 out of 4 stars. You can find out more at: www.braindamagefilms.com and www.midnightreleasing.com .

 

Reviled: Ep. 2 (Vimeo) – Filmmaker Jim Stramel continues his zombie saga that revolves around zombie pit fighting in the south. The events happen after the zombie apocalypse has come and gone and were a blimp on the social radar screen. Frank and his zombie daughter travel in their dirty van killing or crippling zombies in the illegal sport for money. But the real story is how Frank is still attached to his undead daughter and refuses to let go. This episode continues to introduce some new characters and expand the universe of this unique idea. Its dirty, has a lot of grime, a little gory, and absolutely beautiful zombie universe. My favorite part of this episode might be the kids selling bug spray for 25 cents as it is a little thing that makes it known to me that Jim Stramel takes this project seriously and make me wanting more! I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. Wanna check it out or maybe throw a few dollars Stramel and company’s way to help fund future episodes go to: www.reviledzombieseries.com .

 

Vile Prey (DVD) – Independent filmmaker Tim Novotny has a new sick horror project out there. It begins with three men doing a blood ritual of sorts but we are quickly thrown into a scene of brutality as the three men are torturing a couple during a house invasion. Credits roll… with news clips on television about murders, serial killer, and the local authorities being baffled but determined in solving these small county murders. But the three men are getting sloppy with their work and what seems just another torture movie takes a left turn when Marcus, the leader’s van has engine trouble on a dark back road. Soon they are being watched by someone with a night vision gun scope who captures Marcus. Beats him up a little, drugs him, and explains it is time for a hunt as Marcus is left disoriented in the middle of the woods. The man is named Max and he captures Marcus’ two cohorts to torture and maim them. The weird thing is Max’s brother is Dan head of the police department who knows all about what Max is doing in the middle of the dark woods. They believe in justice and covering it up so the feds believe the killer or killers are dead or captures. Novotny does a balancing act between thriller and just another torture revenge flick with ‘Vile Prey’. The film could have gone in many directions and I would not be surprised if there were several revisions of the script from Novotny as I can easily see the talented filmmaker revisiting this material again for another twisted project. ‘Vile Prey’ is somewhat brutal and interesting and shows Novotny is just getting started writing and directing wise as I give the flick 2 ½ out of 4 stars. For more info and to see the trailer check out: www.facebook.com/VilePrey .

 

Legendary (DVD) – The film is also known as ‘Tomb of the Dragon’ and stars Scott Adkins as Dr. Preston who is a cryptozoologist who is tracks down strange creatures to see if they exist or they are just mere myth. On his latest expedition one of his young assistants is killed when they find a prehistoric bear and Dolph Lundgren as Harker shoots at it wanting another trophy on his wall. Months have pass and lawsuits are piling up from Harker until a mysterious lawyer comes by the office to have Dr. Preston look into a dragon/giant lizard/croc-like creature attacking in China. The creature keeps attacking a facility that has already hired Harker to kill the creature. This is a Saturday night SyFy Channel film if I ever seen one and with Adkins and Lundgren starring in it this film was a blast as I give it 3 stars.

 

Dead Rising: Endgame (On Demand) – Jesse Metcalfe is back as Chase Carter the reporter who broke the story about Zombrex and the military and based on the video game. Two years have passed and Chase has entered the East Mission Quarantine Zone tracking his story still about the military and the zombies. The military has expanded to using drug dealers in and out of the quarantined zone in exchange for fresh subjects for experimentation. Chase gets the footage but starts the clock on the “Afterlife Project”. A fail safe for the military to kill all 1.5 million people who are infected and have the tracking devices implanted in them at the same time. Ultimately the military will release another zombie virus into the population for them to keep the experiment going. Chase with the help of his news team and his gun nut friend go through the infected city to get to the V.A. hospital to shut down the Afterlife Project from its source. Plus what is a zombie without Billy Zane as a crazy doctor experimenting on humans and zombies? A fun zombie video game adaption that goes unnoticed because it’s not called ‘Resident Evil’. I enjoyed both games but feel ‘Dead Rising’ is the superior zombie movie series thus far or until ‘Resident Evil’ gets rebooted as it needs to be? Zombie fans stop waiting for the next lame season of ‘The Walking Dead’ and live or die a little and take a chance watching these entertaining zombie flicks as I give this sequel 3 stars.

 

Alien Uprising (Blu-ray) – An alien film that is British, has Jean-Claude Van Damme for twenty minutes, and the aliens win? Okay you got my attention! Once all the power goes out and the military is fighting a losing battle against aliens a group of friends fight to survive and go visit Uncle JCVD… A little different and worth the watch for weird people like me and Jon Cross as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

New episode is up kids!

0
Posted on by

This week one of our favorite guys DANNO KLONOWSKI of THE WAYNE GAYLE VARIETY HOUR podcast stops by to talk about a big summer blockbuster… or big summer toilet fire… in INDEPENDENCE DAY 2: RESURGENCE.  Tim brings us another independent flick in FLESH FOR THE INFERNO.  And Kyle talks about the all-time classic HIGHLANDER starring his action dude of choice Christopher Lambert.  We also get into all kinds of other shit and shenanigans.  So download this because there can be only one.
http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

episode 203