Tag Archives: Tim Gross

Gross Movie Reviews #390

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Gross Movie Reviews #390

 

The Crooked Man (DVD/SyFy Channel) – During a sleepover a little girl is accused of killing her best friend. Now six years later she comes home from the hospital and the small town folks are not happy and neither is her former friends. Now six years older her friends are showing up murdered and the little girl is still blaming a dark figure called “The Crooked Man”. The only person that believes her is a mysterious private investigator who may have been the root cause years ago? The film stars Michael Jai White, Dina Meyer, and Amber Benson. Great cast, cool horror version of the nursey rhyme, and some pretty cool gore effects along the way as I give it 3 stars.

 

Day of Reckoning (DVD/SyFy Channel) – While fracking a big time gas company let loose an apocalypse! Demons rolled out of a crater and killed millions worldwide in a 24-hour period. 15 years have passed since then but there are crucial signs happening in the world saying the demons are coming back to finish what they started. Fun take on anti-fracking and it stars Barbara Crampton that’s enough for me to watch and give it two stars.

 

Stake Land II (DVD/SyFy Channel) – If you have trouble finding this vampire sequel it has been released under another title “The Stakelander”. Ten years have passed in the vamp-infested apocalypse. ‘The Mister’ moved on again into the wastelands/stake lands and Martin now has a wife and child in New Eden, Canada. But a new female vamp has organized not only vamps but humans who believe she is doing god’s work (The Brotherhood) and they have just killed Martin’s family. Now back on the road Martin enters the Stake Lands looking for ‘The Mister’ to find him, patch him up, and kill this female vamp leader! The sequel does a pretty good job in expanding the background of ‘The Mister’ but also continuing the storyline of the Martin and Mister characters. I enjoyed they brought in genre veteran Steven Williams for this bloody sequel and I still like the idea of vamps basically causing the apocalypse as I give this sequel 3 stars.

 

Shadows of the Dead (DVD/SyFy Channel) – Some high school kids decide to do an ‘Anti-prom’ at a remote cabin. A girl wonders off and finds herself become a vessel for a shadow creature. Friends try to get her help but their van crashes and they all end up in the hospital. After the funeral the friends find they have been marked with a weird bruise and now are being stalked by a dark creature that had taken over their friend in the woods. Only light can help them in this lackluster horror film that may help you find that fast forward button? I give the flick 1 ½ stars.

 

Blood Soaked (DVD) – The film’s intro on the back of the box is “Lesbians vs. Zombies”… Okay, cool I am in of course until I watched it. Piper has just made the transition to college and makes a great friend in Ashley, since her boyfriend is banging the other hot girl at the generic Wal-Mart. The two are driving back a long lonely desert road when they are run off by two Nazi loving sisters. The sisters kill Ashley because she is a lesbian, kidnap Piper, make Ashley a zombie, Piper kills her, and they keep Piper captive. The film seems to be missing that extra something and got boring at times, stick with “The Green Room” folks you’ll thank me later as I give this one star.

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Anton Rook: Scourge of the Vampire (DVD) – Anton Rook is an investigator of the strange and he needs to hire a new assistant. Rachel needing the money pretty bad makes a good case why she should be hired? So Rook has Rachel help him look into murder victims that have bite marks and been drained of blood. Anton quickly gets on the trail of the murderous vamps and Rachel helps dispose of them quickly to ensure her employment. The 32 minute film is a weird mix of old “Doctor Who” and “Masterpiece Theater” on PBS when I was a kid. The idea and characters are intriguing and can possibly make a fun feature length film or ongoing web series? I give this project 2 ½ out of 4 stars and more about the film or filmmakers can be found at www.witchdoctorfilms.com .

 

Neighbor (DVD) – In a small mid-west town a professor brings back to life a mummy (named Ashley) to help him with the Mayan calendar and what it all means? Once awaken Ashley the mummy doesn’t care to help she just wants to feed on humans. The fate of the world now lies in all too curious boy and a luchador that has lost his way. The premise sounds interesting but not enough to make the project work as I give it 1 ½ out of 4 stars. Another project from: www.witchdoctorfilms.com .

 

Modesto (DVD) – A small town that is mostly controlled by one man, Mr. Kersey and he has a new visitor in town. Problem is this one man has to town with revenge and killing anyone in his way of destroying Mr. Kersey. Clint Eastwood perfected this movie concept but cool to see it tried on a small film scale but still only give it 2 out of 4 stars. More about the project can be found at www.witchdoctorfilms.com .

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Children of the Way (DVD) – Apparently the fine folks at Witch Doctor Films felt the same way about the Anton Rook character and threw him in a full feature to see if movie fans would embrace it? A young woman goes missing and her parents convince Anton Rook to take the case. Rook and his assistant investigate the disappearance and soon find out she was taken by a strange cult called ‘Clisthu’. It is even believed the cult has some supernatural power and has several community members under their power. Not a lot of action but a lot of dialogue… Again for me at least it’s an intriguing character but it is a weird mix of PBS stuff you would see late at night as a kid. Putting that out there I am not totally sold it can work in feature-length films as I also listened to an audio CD of Anton Rook. I know there is an audience for it and I may not be it in the long run but glad it exists and hopes the right people find this project and enjoy it as I give it 2 out of 4 stars. The project can be purchased at www.witchdoctorfilms.com .

 

Empire of the Dark (DVD) – Steve Barkett is one of those weird people like us that love to make fun bad movies. No budget who cares Barkett is still going to make the film he wants too! Barkett did everything from directing to acting to catering to get this film made in 1990 like his underground apocalypse 1982 film “The Aftermath”. A police officer (Richard Flynn) receives a strange call from his former lover who needs help at her husband’s warehouse. Flynn arrives at the warehouse and finds himself choosing between a baby and his former lover in a different dimension or generic hell as I was calling it while watching. The baby is saved, girl dies, satanic ritual doesn’t happen… 20 years pass and some kid comes looking for Richard Flynn only Flynn is now a private detective living in the mountains taking sword lessons. Richard soon has to fend off demons again, satanic dudes wanting to do the ritual again, and sword-wielding minions that want to kill Richard! This is a perfect example of B-movie greatness. So get the beer, get hookers, get the firetrucks, get the farm animals and prepare yourself for some beautiful crappiness that needs to be witnessed and cherished! I give this flick a solid 3 stars just for being so bad it’s “Treasures of the Four Crowns” good.

 

Lurkers (DVD) – Cathy as a kid would see ghosts and such at her apartment. Cathy also believed her mother and the other kids that lived there were trying to kill her? 15 years later and still scarred from her horrific childhood and still blamed by her brother (who is a priest by the way) for their mother’s death is getting married. This guy is so perfect but Cathy keeps having weird supernatural occurrences and dreams telling her not to go home. But Cathy brushes them off to go with her soon to be husband to a work party that just happens to be in the same building she grew up at. Cathy haunted by this tries to escape but even on the streets she goes back to the building to try and face her fears and until she becomes one of the Lurkers? Yeah it sucks donkey balls folks and what doesn’t help is the VHS (if any left?) may be a better transfer than what is floating out there on DVD? Wanna be bored and feel like banging your head off the wall for 80 minutes or so then this one star horror film is for you!

 

Terror on Tour (DVD) – The film was finished in 1980 but not released until 1983 is about a generic “Kiss” band but they are called “The Clowns”. The band has a loyal following for their antics on stage. So loyal the police believe one of the members of the band could be murdering their fans? As the bodies pile up and the band’s popularity grows the real question becomes will anyone book them if everyone is being killed? I really enjoyed the concept of the film and could have been a cult classic of sorts. But inside it is a sad excuse for a slasher film, show a lot of weird 80s boobs, and not a ton of gore. I give the film 1 ½ stars.

 

Alien Origin (Blu-ray) – A found footage film about a Special Forces team and a journalist who go into the jungle for an investigation, they all disappeared shortly after in 2011. The footage appeared six months later and this was what happened. They supposedly found aliens that have the same DNA as us or another prime reason why I need to stop watching these types of shitty films… I give it 0 stars.

 

Lords of Light! The Story of Thundarr the Barbarian (YouTube) – A fun 20 minute short film and look back at one of my favorite Saturday morning cartoons of all time. Interviews with creators Ruby and Spears, opens up some light on how they came up with the concept for the cartoon but how it did not last either? If you are old like me and remember Saturday morning cartoons this is worth the trip down memory lane and they claim “Star Wars” may have help them come up with the cartoon. I give it 4 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html

Gross Movie Reviews #389

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Gross Movie Reviews #389

 

Return to Frogtown (YouTube) – At some point one of my favorite unknown filmmakers Donald G. Jackson decided he could do a sequel to the popular cult film starring Roddy Piper “Hell Comes to Frogtown”. Problem or problems: do it on half the budget, have friends pull every string possible to get some genre names into the picture, and you don’t have Roddy Piper three years later to star in it. But Mr. Jackson didn’t let that stop him from making a sequel that would play on a regular basis on USA Up All Night? In place of Piper as Sam Hell, it’s Robert Z’Dar and he is now a rocket ranger. His partner played by Lou Ferrigno is captured by Commander Toty (which I thought he was Commander Toady or is that just my Yinzer English getting in the way of grammar?) And Toty is hell bent on turning the rest of the human population into frog mutants including Lou Ferrigno (if wondering Lou does turn green… I swear this is shit that happens in my dreams and they get stolen by the dream fairy) with his experiments performed by a scientist played by Brion James. So Sam Hell is sent in with his new partner Denise (Subspecies) Duff to look for Ranger Jones and save the world from the frog mutants! Sounds ridiculous and awesome at the same time especially when you add Rhonda Shear, Charles Napier, and Mr. Jackson regular Scott Shaw but fails to be entertaining in lots of ways. As much as I admire Mr. Jackson when you have no Piper to play Sam Hell this project should have be nixed or shelved for the time being. Mr. Jackson should have stuck it out with “Rollerblade” sequels and for that I give this bad sequel 1 ½ stars.

 

Barracuda (DVD) – Another bad late-70s “Jaws” rip-off trying to cash in on the craze at time has a chemical plant dumping pollution into the water causing mutations among the barracuda. Which in return they are attacking the local Palm Cove residents. But what makes this flick different from the bunch of this era is first, no Roger Corman and second, the film isn’t all about the killer fish. The film is more about a marine biologist teacher who gets in trouble with the local sheriff and figures out that the drinking water is the real problem as residents come down with a mysterious illness. The film is boring quite often but if you are a weirdo like me and like killer animal movies you do need to watch it at least once. I’ll stick with “Piranha” and “Humanoids from the Deep” myself as I give this flick 1 ½ stars.

 

V: mini-series (DVD) – In 1983, NBC promo campaign leading up to the TV event was amazing and unpreceded. No TV event ever really lived up to the hype until “V”. A two-night event about aliens/lizards that come to earth for peace (for now) and want to help earthlings worldwide. Basically someone wanted to make a film about the Nazis and what they were trying to do before and during WWII. And 80 million people tuned in to watch this cool event. With most humans accepting the aliens were here for peace some wanted to be sure before trusting them. That is where Marc Singer’s character Mike Donovan comes in as he is one of the few selected to go on the mother ship in L.A. to film. Once in Donovan finds out the aliens are actually lizards who have come to earth to suck the planet dry and make humans slaves or worse, food. By the end of the movie event Donovan is an outlaw wanted by authorities and aliens but is finding friends who also believe what he has seen and want to fight back. The event was fun sci-fi fodder that open the door to the mainstream but yet a dark, bleak look at what could happen if aliens came to earth? Plus, it had ‘Scary German Guy’ from one of my favorite movies of all time “The Monster Squad”. Thirty years have passed, the effects are a little cheesy, but the film event is still great to watch as I give it 4 stars.

 

V: The Final Battle (DVD) – A year later NBC decided to continue the battle between lizards and humans and again everyone watched in excitement. As now Donovan and others now have scientists on their side and eventually mercenaries as we are introduced to Michael Ironside’s character Tyler. Now the event was stretched out into three days instead of two which may have hindered this fun event. Now the aliens have taken the fight to the ground against the resistance fighters including capturing their leader, releasing Donovan’s son as a spy, having new armor that protects them from bullets, and spinning the video around about their alien leader being exposed as an alien lizard here to eat humans. This movie goes every possible direction into fleshing out there is some ‘visitors’ that were not for the invasion of earth and helping humans to the virgin who has sex with an alien and has an alien baby that wants peace. Weird stuff but I felt the story is more of a diluted mess than a fun, dark, bleak alien film like the first time around. What holds this event together I believe is the character Tyler who like the aliens is hell bent on destroying his enemy? Plus it showed Michael Ironside wasn’t just another forgettable genre actor but someone who has talent that worth recognizing. Overall, I enjoyed “The Final Battle” but the first go around was perfect and sometimes you just can’t reproduce that… I give the event 3 stars.

 

Evilspeak (DVD) – Stanley Coppersmith (Clint Howard) is nerdy, lonely kid whose parents are dead and is going to a prestigious military academy because he is considered a welfare case. So our main character is already an outsider and really has trouble being accepted by the other cadets. During a punishment of cleaning the basement of a church Coppersmith comes across a book that he feels a connection too. The book was written by the evil Richard Moll aka Esteban of course who believed in Satan, demons, etc. Stanley becomes so obsessed with the book he downloads it into the computer and sets up in the church basement for a ritual to bring forth Esteban. By accident Stanley kills the church drunk which sets forth the ritual and strange things begin to happen including an unbelievable, crazy, bloody murderous revenge rampage like no other in horror movie history. “Evilspeak” may not be the first satanic movie that comes to horror fans’ minds to watch but I bet you it is always in their top five list. I give it 3 ½ stars.

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Dead Sushi (DVD) – A story about a young woman named Keiko who is training to be a sushi chef like her father. Her father is legendary in Japan for his sushi making. But the young lady can never live up to his expectations so she runs away. She gets a job as a waitress at a hotel that is known for its sushi. Some important drug reps show up at the struggling hotel and Keiko does everything to offend them because she wasn’t born to be a waitress. But once a hobo shows up with a mutant sushi and injects it with his serum to perform his bidding to kill the drug reps, chaos ensues! The mutant sushi infects other sushi turning it into zombie sushi that attacks all in the hotel and Keiko understands what she is born to do and that is kick zombie sushi’s ass and prepares it for people who want it done right! But first she must fight off the hobo who turns into a horny mutant tuna that is wielding an axe… If you enjoy films like “Wild Zero” and “Bio-hazard” you will enjoy this hilarious, chaotic, and completely ridiculous fun film as I give it 3 stars.

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Phantasm V: Ravager (Theater) – Reggie is wondering the desert looking for Mike and not sure what world he is in any longer. Years have passed since Reggie has seen Jody or Mike and is starting to question if he is just dreaming all of this? The story revolves much more around Reggie than ever before as he is falling back forth between what’s real and what is not? But fighting between the desert, the senior home, and being on the road helping a young woman Reggie is awaken in a dark horrible world strapped to a table by The Tall Man. Some unknown people with guns help him out and lead him to their leader Mike. And Mike explains to Reggie he has been out of commission for years as The Tall Man was using his mind for information since the ending of part four film. Now, it’s a post-apocalyptic world that The Tall Man and his minions have completely taken over. With that they must fight The Tall Man in his world to stop him. To be honest it’s really hard to explain exactly what happens in this movie if anything at all? The best way I can tell you the reader about is: it has that feeling of “Phantasm IV” where they never had the budget to pull off what the story dictates and mainstream horror fans will shit all over it. But five years from now, regular horror fans will like it or get it? Personally, I am glad the sequel exists and it is finally out there. But it is hard to blend visual and practical effects unless you have the budget. I still want the original idea of Bruce Campbell and Reggie hooking up and fighting The Tall Man in the post-apocalyptic world but we all know it’s not going to happen now (R.I.P. Angus Scrimm). In a weird way the film is a fitting end to the series or a new beginning and hopefully some studio with money (I am looking at you Shout Factory and Anchor Bay) will understand that? The series has always taken weird, dreamy, and odd turns in the storyline and for that I am grateful that “Phantasm V” exists as I give the film 2 ½ stars. See me in five years just like part four and I bet you I like it more then as it will have more time to sink in. But more than anything this film will have the horror community talking and debating for a long time what we actually watched and what it all actually means? And thank you Don Coscarelli for doing it your way.

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html

We talk a lot about Statham and Bronson this week

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This week in our never ending quest to achieve those elusive podcast ratings we instantly alienate our audience by launching into a 10 minute football analysis.  Then we discuss what we have been watching. Including a fantastic Charles Bronson flick from the early 70’s in THE MECHANIC.  Then Tim takes his mom out to the theater to see Jason Statham in the sequel to said Bronson flick in THE MECHANIC: RESURRECTION.  And lastly Kyle venture out into society to see the fantastic quasi exploitation throwback flick DON’T BREATHE.  And if that’s not enough Tim encounters more Pittsburgh C.H.U.D’S.

 

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

episode-208

Gross Movie Reviews #388

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Gross Movie Reviews #388

 

Snakeman (DVD) – A mid-2000s film also known as ‘Snake King’ stars Stephen Baldwin as a helicopter pilot and concern citizen of the Amazon jungle. Baldwin’s character helps fly an anthropologist and a few greedy scientists into the jungle looking for an Amazon tribe that may hold the answer to the “Fountain of Youth”? While venturing further into the jungle a snake is tracking them and feeding on them one by one. But once they find the tribe they find out the snake is the “Fountain of Youth” and has to choose you… Another fun CGI snake flick that I give 1 ½ stars too.

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The Sky Has Fallen (Vimeo/DVD) – A very dramatic independent zombie flick from filmmaker Doug Roos who tries a different approach to the bloated genre. The film centers around two survivors of a deadly virus that in the matter of hours either killed or zombified mankind. What makes this film unique is Lance and Rachel (the survivors) can deal with the zombies but it’s the dark shadowed figures that show up with the zombies that are the mystery. Lance searches the woods for days believing if he can find the source of the dark shadowed figures the zombie apocalypse can be stopped? As they travel deeper in the woods us the viewer learn that these shadowed figures kidnap the recently deceased and do experiments with them. And that the dark shadowed figures may be mutations? Kudos to Mr. Roos for coming up with a very unique but dramatic zombie flick that I give 2 ½ out of 4 stars. For more info or to purchase it: www.theskyhasfallen.com or www.kunaki.com/sales.asp?PID=PX00ZJ30QU&pp=1 .

 

#FollowFriday (DVD/SyFy Channel) – I have been waiting for this kind of film to pop up. Yeah there is ‘Smiley’ and ‘Unfriended’ just to name two but this is a little different. A killer uses Twitter to pick his victims, well popular Twitter people, or ones that have the most followers on college campus. Any popular person gets “#FollowFriday” on their twitter page they die. The reason I have been waiting for this kind of film is it really dives in with the internet trolls, stalkers, trash, and the kids who are living or dying on social media. It’s a great concept that I believe hasn’t seen its peak in the horror genre just yet? I give the flick 2 ½ stars.

 

Revenge of the Zombies (DVD) – A wonderful black and white classic horror film that stars John Carradine who controls zombies in the swamps. The zombies or corpses are experiments for Carradine’s character who is trying to build the perfect army. When he kills his wife he believes he has the answer to the perfect soldier until her brother and friends coming snooping around. I give the film 3 stars.

 

Steel and Lace (VHS) – A millionaire gets off of rape charges and Bruce Davison’s sister jumps off a building to her death not able to cope with the decision. Five years go by and Davison the scientist he is turns his sister into a cyborg seeking revenge on the five men that wronged her. Meanwhile a cop and an artist working on a new book uncover Davison’s plan of seeking revenge. Think a lower budgeted but much gorier version of ‘Eve of Destruction’. But don’t let lower budget stop you from enjoying this direct-to-video release as it stars Bruce Davison, David Naughton, Claire Wren, John J. York, and Brian Backer! A horror gem well worth the effort of tracking down as there is no legit DVD release of the film at this time. I give it 3 stars.

 

Sasquatch: The Legend of Bigfoot (DVD-R) – A film made in 1975 but not released until 1977 is a documentary-style film about Chuck Evans leading a research team deep in the British Columbia Mountains looking for Sasquatch. After several sightings of Bigfoot in the 50s and early 60s money was raised to send a research team was put together to find, tag, and release Sasquatch. The project came together quickly after the amateur shot film footage of Bigfoot. The seven person team enjoys the wildlife and untouched nature until they wondered into Bigfoot territory and the Sasquatch kicked the humans’ ass. The film can be boring but has its place in the Sasquatch genre like ‘Legend of Boggy Creek’. And with many new Bigfoot films and renewed interest in Sasquatch I would not be surprise this slightly unknown flick finds a way onto the DVD format sooner than later as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Episode 207 is up and we go all over the place with this one…

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We return to talk about 3 movies from the unpopular 1990’s.  First an anthology covered in slime and gore in NECRONOMICON.  Then Christopher Walken uses his power of the shushing in THE PROPHECY. Then a weirdo mish-mash of cyber punk nonsense in JOHNNY MNEUMONIC.  Also we have strange tales of Tim finding CHUD’S in Pittsburgh basements; Kyle sees the new Star Trek flick, and a metric ton of other chit chat.

 

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

episode-207

The Howling episode is up!

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This week Kyle and Tim walk down a hairy road.  A road full of howling sequels.  First Christopher Lee tells you the “your sister is a werewolf” a bunch in HOWLING 2 starring Sybil Danning as Rob Halford.  Then a whodunit in a castle in HOWLING 5. Then werewolves in a circus side show in HOWLING 6 THE FREAKS.
http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

 

episode-206

Now available today! For $13!

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Special thank you to Ed Quillin and Kyle Poling for all their help!

 

http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html

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Gross Movie Reviews #386

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Gross Movie Reviews #386

 

Almost Human (DVD) – The film is based on events that happened in a small town October 1987 and again two years later almost to the date in October. The movie opens with Seth trying to convince his best friend Mark that some weird stuff is following him. Mark goes outside to investigate and he disappears. For the next two years Seth is considered an outsider in the town. Even though he was cleared of all charges some folks still believe he killed his best friend. That is until Mark suddenly reappears two years later and is on a murder spree and going all ‘Invasion of the Body Snatchers’ on people. Weird and interesting in a ‘Fire in the Sky’ kind of way. So if you like alien abduction cinema this is the movie for you as I give it 2 stars.

 

The Mechanic: Resurrection (Theater) – Jason Statham is back as the character Bishop who all believes is dead and he would like it to stay that way. Bishop figured out a way to be a ghost and out of the “mechanic” business altogether and living in Brazil. While at a restaurant Bishop is approached with an offer or to expose he is still alive. After some great fight scenes Bishop travels to an island that few know about and tries to figure what his next move is? Bishop gets mixed up with a girl (Jessica Alba) he is forced to kill three of the world’s biggest drug lords and make it look like an accident or she dies. A few twists, quite a few awesome stunts, and apparently Tommy Lee Jones finds a way for his 1990 ‘Under Siege’ role to live on only a little older this time and Gary Busey or Seagal. Mom Gross enjoyed it; I enjoyed it, Statham made another solid action flick as I give it 3 stars.

 

Poolboy (DVD) – Another Saint James St. James project that has Kevin Sorbo in the lead role as the Poolboy who is trying to rid the Pool cleaning business of Mexicans. But Mexican mob leader Danny Trejo refuses to back down from Sorbo and fights back. We also get Jason Mewes and Courtney Gains in a couple funny small roles. According to Saint James St. James the project was filmed when he was 11 years old and was banned in 1990 for being racially insensitive? For those of you who don’t know this is the same filmmaker who has made ‘FDR: Badass’, ‘Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves’, and has ‘Boombox Bigfoot’ on the way. If that wasn’t enough to peak your interest this is as Kevin Sorbo’s character literally goes undercover as a clown with a van that states: “The only raping clown in town!” It has a few laughs but the real question is: “Does T-shirt Joe Garcia approve?” as I give the film 2 ½ stars.

 

Return of the Living Dead II (DVD) – The 1988 sequel was highly awaited by horror fans but disappointed many as the sequel went in a different direction than the original. The sequel maybe or maybe not picks up after the events in Louisville, KY.? But this time around a canister falls off of a military truck into a sewage tunnel where three kids discover it. Two kids come back to it after locking the smaller kid into a crypt in the local cemetery. They break open the canister and a poisonous fog is released sending the kids coughing and running home and the fog eventually awakes the dead again. Now the dead is feasting on the town and chasing James Karen and Thom Matthews again? For the time I know I was one of those disappointed horror movie fans that seen this flick in the theater. Now that many years have passed I have a different respect for it and believe it has a place in cheesy horror sequel cinema. But it still leaves me curious or what if they went into a different direction or continued the story of the first film? Feeling a little better about this sequel as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Morons From Outer Space (DVD) – A mid-80s British film about three aliens who have crash landed on earth and the English government believes they have found intelligent life? Problem is the aliens are the dumbest aliens earth could have ever come across. After being poked and prodded the aliens manage to escape and eventually become famous celebrities! Tried my best in keeping awake but this film was mostly a borefest as I give it 1 star.

 

Wrong Turn 6: Last Resort (DVD) – The horror film series where the cannibals have more lives than Jason Voorhees and Toulon’s puppets combined! This time around a group of twentysomethings visit the Hobb Springs Hotel in the mountains of West Virginia. One of them has just inherited the hotel and is finally learning of a family he never had as he recently tried to end his life while working with the stress on Wall Street. Slowly he comes around to the idea that his family means more than friends and he must carry on the bloodline. Which in this case means there will be another ‘Wrong Turn’ sequel that nobody knew was released? I give it 1 star.

 

Pale Blood (VHS) – A vampire (Michael Fury) visits L.A. and is paying a young investigator to investigate vampire-like murders. Mr. Fury is very interested in knowing if there is a vampire on the loose or is it some random weirdo like Wings Hauser making it look like a vampire is murdering people? ‘Pale Blood’ is one of those early 90s direct-to-video releases that flooded the video market that usually got lost in the shuffle. If you are a Wings Hauser fan like myself it’s worth the watch as I give it 2 stars.

 

Killer Holiday (DVD) – A group of kids going to party for a weekend are staying for the night next to an old amusement park and want to explore it of course. Meanwhile a lame demented killer named Melvin Holiday is on the prowl as he is tracking and killing the kids one by one. Apparently add this disappointing flick to the “adoption gone bad” section of films or “I don’t need to ever view this again” section… I give it 0 stars.

 

The Incredible Melting Man (DVD) – A lone survivor from a space mission that traveled to Saturn’s rings only to become a Goo Monster who needs human cells to survive. But with his mind turning to mush and losing melting body parts he escapes and terrorizes the countryside killing people. The flick is cheesy but fun but most remember this flick for having the effects done by the famous Rick Baker. I give the film 2 stars.

 

The Big Boss (DVD) – Bruce Lee goes to visit his cousins and find work. Once a few cousins are missing one evening after work Bruce Lee avenges his family by beating every damn person that is anywhere near him! Proving you don’t fuck with his family as I give 2 ½ stars.

 

The Way of the Dragon (DVD) – This flick is set in Italy where Bruce Lee is a country boy who is visiting his Uncle’s family restaurant only to find them and the restaurant in trouble. The mob wants them out whether they sell or just leave… But Bruce Lee begins to make it a little harder for the mob to move in when he takes on the whole mob and then eventually Chuck F’N Norris! The film is famous for its climatic superpower fight at the colosseum. This film is evidence of Bruce Lee really finding himself as an actor and an action star that was supposed to have much bigger things to come but was cut short. I give this Bruce Lee flick 3 stars.

 

Tenebrae (Blu-ray) – Synapse Films reaches deep into the Argento library to give this considered classic by many the all-star treatment with its dual English and Italian tracks, commentary by Maitland McDonagh, trailers from different countries, original U.S. end credits, alternate opening credits, and the interesting documentary ‘Yellow Fever: The Rise and Fall of Gallo’. These extras will leave Argento fans salivating but for those who haven’t experienced ‘Tenebrae’ it is a very bloody experience. The story is about an author named Peter Neal who is promoting his newest book in Italy. At the same time he is there a serial killer is making their mark by killing their victims in the same manner of Neal’s latest book. Neal’s booking agent (John Saxon) tries to keep Neal busy but as the letters after each murder show up and the police with no clues Neal decides he should investigate. ‘Tenebrae’ is an Argento title that isn’t talked about as much as a ‘Suspiria’ or a ‘Deep Red’ but is well worth investing your demented mind into. Synapse Films and Argento are a perfect match for the Blu-ray format and fans will want to add this to their collection also as I give it 3 out of 4 stars. For more info go to: www.synapse-films.com .

 

Buried Alive (DVD) – Another oddity of a horror film that has seemed to pop out of nowhere has an all-star cast and based on an Edgar Allen Poe story. Robert Vaughn runs a school (Ravencroft Girls School) for troubled girls who recently are starting to go missing one by one. When a new teacher arrives and the girls don’t respond to therapy they begin to disappear, transfer, etc. The new teacher begins to investigate with a local town sheriff and things get stranger from there as she has visions of people being bricked up in the walls. The cast besides Robert Vaughn includes: the talented porn star Ginger Lynn, William Butler, Arnold Vosloo, John Carradine (supposedly his last film in 1988), and the man, the myth, the legend Dr. Loomis himself Donald Pleasence! Not the best of slasher films but the names alone make this a gem a must find and watch. I give it 2 stars.

 

Blood Moon (DVD) – A werewolf film set in the Old West (Colorado 1880s) where a small stop for travelers (Pine Bluff, I believe) on the way to Denver turns into a fight of their lives. What sets the film in motion is two outlaw brothers rob a bank and take off to Pine Bluff for fresh horses for their ride south. Problem no one is there, but also the travelers come into town and when no one is found they investigate and find a body and some animal tracks. The two brothers hold the travelers up but also understand they are no longer alone as something is stalking them. Stories of “Skinwalkers” are thrown out there but some don’t believe until the blood and guts begin to pile up. A relatively low budget film with a good solid story, solid werewolf, a ton of gore, and interesting characters make this werewolf flick worth putting on the list of good werewolf films to watch… Which isn’t many as I give this 2 ½ stars.

 

Blood Sand (DVD) – The film has also been marketed as ‘The Sand’ stars Jaime Kennedy for ten minutes and about spring breakers finding an alien egg during their beach party only to wake next morning to see the egg hatched. Also very few people left in the morning or ones who didn’t fall asleep on the sand. Next thing you know a cheap version of ‘Blood Beach’ happens but then that’s why I seek random crap like this out and you don’t. I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Rockabilly Zombie Weekend (DVD) – The mosquitoes are bad in the swamps of Florida and the West Nile Virus is running rampant. The government comes to a local airplane pilot to pay him extra if he uses their new experimental pesticide mix to kill off the West Nile mosquitoes. He sprays the local towns with the new stuff and the people who came in contact with it soon change, die, and become the undead all during a rockabilly wedding. Zombies are attacking, mothers are fighting over their kids, but all Becky and Grant want is to get married and go to Vegas to see Elvis. There isn’t anything ground breaking genre wise but if you enjoy rockabilly music, tattoos, and zombie goo and gore then you are in in for a treat as I give it 2 stars.

 

Direct Action (DVD) – I believe a Canadian film about Dolph Lundgren as a good cop who just got a new partner. Problem isn’t the partner the problem is Dolph is about to testify for the Feds against cops known as the “Direct Action Unit”. Cops who might be above the law but have help crime go down 30% in the past year. But they are all dirty and Dolph just needs to survive till 5pm to go testify in front of a jury. So its cop on cop violence as Dolph tries not die and help his partner not become another victim in this action cop flick. I give this 2004 Dolph flick 2 ½ stars.

caroushell-poster

CarousHELL (YouTube/DVD) – One of my favorite independent filmmakers, the talented Steve Rudzinski has released another project and it does not disappoint at all. The hilarious horror film is about a carousel horse/unicorn named Duke who is at a small amusement park and part of the Carousel ride. Duke is disgruntled and tired of the amusement park life. Duke is the only talking carousel horse/unicorn with no one to talk too. But what has Duke the most disgruntled is chubby kids putting their unwashed hands all over him. So after Laurie and her younger brother Lunchbox visit the park and Lunchbox rides Duke, Duke has had enough and leaves the ride. His goal is to track down the fat kid and murder him. Meanwhile, Laurie and her younger brother go to a party as Duke begins his murder spree and only Cowboy Cool can help now. But by the time Cowboy Cool reaches the party the damage has been done as Duke has murdered his way to the kid named Lunchbox. And if this amazingly absurd horror movie couldn’t get any better or weirder depending on your point of view the carousel horse/unicorn has crazy animal sex with an incredibly hot tattooed woman who loves unicorns. Thank you Steve for helping me cross off something I thought I would never see in a horror movie. Don’t know if that is good or bad? ‘CarousHELL’ is absurd, absolutely unrealistic, completely ridiculous, and I LOVE IT!!! Steve made the impossible possible movie fans! And let’s not forget the great gore effects (not one but two great face smash effects). This film is easily one of the best features I have watched this year and will be on my “Best of 2016” list. I give this Rudzinski creation 4 out of 4 stars and you can find more or purchase it at: www.CarousHELL.com or www.silverspotlightfilms.com .

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Finally we got a new episode of Bloodbaths and Boomsticks up (we are lazy you know)

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 After a brief intermission we are back to talk about a true horror classic in THE HOWLING.  A truly bad sci-fi flick that has a ton of insanity in JOHNNY MNEMONIC. And a flick that Kyle recently found and flipped his wig over in CRAWLSPACE starring our old pal Krazee-pants Klaus Kinski.  Also we get to your questions and have all sorts of bullshitting, shit shooting, and witless banter.

 

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

EPISODE 205

Gross Movie Reviews #385

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Gross Movie Reviews #385

 

Navy Seals vs. Zombies (DVD) – Michael Dudikoff heads a team of special Navy Seals that are ready for anything. A zombie outbreak traps the vice president in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, and the Navy Seals are sent in to rescue him. Once finished they must head to a different location in the city looking for scientists at a classified CIA lab to extract them for the possible cure to the outbreak. Along the way the Seals are being filmed by a reporter who is looking for her big break. For the most part horror fans the box art is better than the film as it’s just another cookie cutout zombie flick that the only reason to watch is for the “Dudikoff”. I give this lame zombie film 1 ½ stars.

 

Freaks of Nature (DVD) – It amazes me the crap that makes the theater and then the random unbelievable awesome horror films that just show up on cable, On Demand, etc. This flick is the latter as aliens attack the small town of Dillford. The town has its issues as humans, vampires, and zombies are finding it very hard to coexist these days and the alien invasion gives them a reason to fight each other. Meanwhile, during the alien invasion and the war between Dillford residents, three teenagers (a human, a vampire, and a zombie) all must get over their everyday hang-ups of being teenagers. If they do not the world is surely going to die. The film has a great dialogue, great effects, but it all doesn’t work without these three: Mackenzie Davis, Nicholas Braun, and Josh Fadem. Without them this movie is nothing but because of them the film has that allure of a ‘Weird Science’ or ‘The Monster Squad’ or ‘Popcorn’ where movie fans will want to watch it over and over again. An amazing masterpiece in my eyes as I give it 4 stars and surely it will be on my “Best of 2016 list”.

Knuckle Bones

Knucklebones (DVD/Vimeo) – Here’s a little unknown horror film from Mitch Wilson and Midnight Releasing about some weird demon shit going down at a dry cleaner in Texas, 1976. 40 years we are introduced to a cute college girl named Neesa who gets dumped by her long time cute boyfriend. Neesa goes with the next step of trying to commit suicide but does not succeed. So when released, friends try to help and get her out of her funk by taking her along with two dudes to the supposedly haunted dry cleaner that has been closed since that faithful day in 1976. They find a box that has dice/bones/summoning stones (take your pick) and it has written instructions. So of course let’s summon demons and get our young nubile bodies sliced and diced! But it does not stop there as the demon “Knucklebones” they bring to life survives on death and gore but also does a horrible Freddy Kruger impression. After killing several people and the dice being crushed Neesa goes completely batshit crazy bad ass and cuts off her hand! Only to burn the flesh off the hand and send old Knucklebones away. What looked like a boring independent horror film not worth talking about turned into a gorefest where demons use chainsaws and women go Bruce Campbell to save the fucking world! My only complaint of the whole film is the decision of Knucklebones cracking shitty jokes the whole way. Outside of that little complaint this movie is bad ass with its demon, its gore, and just a bad ass character in Neesa. Thank you Midnight Releasing for putting this wonderful horror film out there as I give it 3 out of 4 stars. You can find out more about it at: www.braindamagefilms.com or www.midnightreleasing.com .

 

Green Room (DVD) – So Patrick Stewart runs a club for Nazi punks… that’s normal. Honestly fun thriller as an underground punk band finds a gig in the middle of the woods in skinhead country. They play a bad ass gig, get paid, grab their shit, and witness a murder. Bad news you cannot leave because Patrick Stewart gotta take care of things. So it’s up to the trapped band members to fight their way through killer dogs, skinheads, and just Nazi punks wanting to prove themselves. It gets pretty graphic and only bad thing I can say is I felt like I seen this movie before but don’t let that stop you from watching this non-stop onslaught of craziness. I give the film 3 stars.

 

The Demented (DVD) – Six partying college friends just happen to be at a cabin where a dirty bomb goes off nearby and zombies happen because of the bio-chemical fallout. They must fight their way out of the cabin and the small nearby town just to get some help. I felt like the film ‘Chemical Peel’ may have done this a little better but they don’t have zombies as I give this 2 stars.

Auto Shop of Horrors

Auto Shop of Horrors (DVD/YouTube) – When Glen Berggoetz contacts me about a new flick he has done I know it’s gonna be a good day and it was with his latest project that he co-produced, co-written, co-directed, and of course starred in. Glen’s character is Randy. Randy happens to be a mechanic at the local auto shop who is very interested in the ancient Aztecs. As you know “the ancient Aztecs use to eat people’s eyeballs so they can see in the future.” Randy doesn’t question it at all and just goes with it as the auto shop now turns into ‘Blood Diner’. With each new client having engine trouble, Randy traps them, kills them, eats their eyeballs, and pushes them off a cliff in their car (or the same car in every scene.) Even when a detective begins questioning Randy that doesn’t stop Randy from being obsessed with eating eyeballs and seeing in the future. The highlights are licking eyeball scene which may be the most disturbing thing I have ever seen, his visions of ‘Midget Zombie Takeover, and what looks like twizzlers hanging from the eyeballs once removed. Glen has produced another classic independent horror film that is worthy of its title and to be watch by many as I give it 3 out of 4 stars. Find out more about the film or Glen’s other worthy projects go here: www.facebook.com/glenn.berggoetz or www.facebook.com/AutoShopOfHorrors .

 

Isle of the Dead (DVD/SyFy Channel) – Joey Lawrence is a part of a Navy Seal team going to an island that is infested with zombies. The island became infested after a military experiment went wrong ten years ago so now the government sends in a team to extract information before nuking the island. I am sorry you are still processing I said Joey Lawrence but either way just move along because you are not missing much in this latest entry to the zombie genre as I give it maybe 1 star …

 

Venomous (DVD) – A 2002 flick about Treat Williams playing a doctor in the desert town of Santa Mira where rattlesnakes just happen to be carrying a new strain of “Ebola”. These rattlesnakes just happen to be a mutation of an experiment during the Iraq war that disappeared or the building blew up. Long buried but now rearing its ugly head in this small town some military types want everyone to go away permanently as they try to convince Andrew Stevens to nuke the town. But Treat Williams and his cute ex-wife finally come up with antidote and get on TV to stop the nukes! Treat Williams always makes “when animal goes bad” flicks so much fun as I give this snake flick 2 ½ stars.

 

Terrordactyl (DVD) – A generic “Tucker and Dale” hook up with a cute bartender to fight space dinosaurs and there wasn’t even an Eric Roberts cameo. Count me out as I give this flick 1 star.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.