This website is dedicated to horror movies (independent and mainstream), beer, Full Moon, Spookies, Graveyard Shift, Leprechaun sequels, massacre films and watching every god damn horror film ever made or die trying!
The Man from Hong Kong (DVD) – A 1975 martial arts Australian flick from none other than Brian Trenchard-Smith who brings together a great cast: Jimmy Wang Yu, George Lazenby, Roger Ward, Hugh Keays-Byrne, and Sammo Hung. A legendary Hong Kong policeman (Inspector Special Branch) beds a Sydney newspaper reporter in the first few minutes of the film not knowing he will be seeing her again soon in Sydney. His job is to head to Sydney to pick up a suspect who is a part of a drug connection between Hong Kong and Sydney but when the suspect is shot the Hong Kong policeman goes on a one man wrecking crew of Sydney! Two detectives key the Inspector Special Branch on a man named Wilton who owns most of Sydney because everyone knows he is dirty but they cannot bring him down? Think “Lone Wolf McQuade” several years before it was made with a ridiculous amount of crap getting busted up in this movie. This movie deserves a watch if you never had the pleasure as you will not be disappointed in this over the top martial arts 4 star action!
Mad Max Exposed (Tubi) – An hour long documentary on everything Mad Max that covers everything from the stunts, the people who were a part of them, how they planned the movie, the design of the cars, to nothing stopping George Miller in putting together a film that changed car chase scenes forever. All of the cast exception of George Miller and Mel Gibson share stories throughout the hour that will have any Mad Max fan beaming and entertained in seconds as I give it 4 stars.
Dario Argento Panico (Shudder) – A documentary that thoroughly goes through the career of the Italian horror master and those who worked with him. The film takes you on a deep dive of Argento and what exactly lured and inspired him into filmmaking. There is also in-depth interviews with both of Dario’s daughters, yes you heard me right… both daughters! I only knew of Asia. Dario also has conversations about how his filmmaking shaped his family through the years as this is not just brilliant but eye opening doc on the legendary filmmaker as I give it 4 stars.
Valerie (YouTube) – Philip Brocklehurst never stops making stuff has yet another short film where it’s an artistic look at a man who believes there is nothing left in his life if he cannot have his love. A very heavy look into love and some underlying subtext of love if you are paying attention as I give the short film 3 out of 4 stars.
The Leprechaun’s Game (Tubi) – A boring shady character (bootleg Robert Patrick) employs two fools to track down the leprechaun’s gold at the end of a rainbow? If found the duo can make 100,000 pounds! If you haven’t noticed this is a bootleg British Asylum Entertainment version of the popular ‘Leprechaun’ series that has two losers finding the gold within five minutes? But this of course is not the whole plot as they plan to spend it instead of giving it to their boring shady friend. And it doesn’t take long for the bad make-up looking leprechaun come a killing (very shitty kills by the way) for his gold coins. Oh this was hot garbage on fire from beginning to end as if I call it a parody of the original ‘Leprechaun’ that would be super insulting as I give this movie 0 stars.
The Leprechaun’s Curse (Tubi) – So this terrible sequel doesn’t get any better as it picks up immediately after the end of the first film having the leprechaun is still reclaiming his stolen gold. Tilly inherits a huge home whose father built it with the stolen gold. So of course she gets a few friends and they head to the big house with a pool just to be lame new victims for the killer leprechaun. Then you get the boring Tilly character filler trying to decide if it’s right to keep the gold? But nevermind any of that as there is a big thing that isn’t really explained in my opinion as the Mischa character returns when she was seen about to be killed at the end of the first film? What gives? Does bootleg Leprechaun decide at the last second I don’t feel like killing her because she is prego? Only to kill her in front of the kid anyway six months later, WTF? There are so many questions about this dumb movie because it comes off like the two movies were actually one split into two but didn’t enough material for either as I give this 0 stars.
Deep Fear (On Demand) – A British shark film that steals from 70s treasure hunt flicks where the shark is not the main plot as a woman must fight for her life against two drug dealers who are trying to get to their stash at the bottom of the ocean. Naomi is sailing on her yacht to see her boyfriend (or rich people with rich people problems) but finds two people who are floating with boat wreckage. Naomi trying to do something good by herself helps the two assholes and they take her prisoner and that is pretty much the whole movie as I give it 1 star.
Amityville Ripper (DVD) – Ron Bonk produces another useless entry into the “Amityville” series and that is #57 if yinz are still keeping count? Anyway the Amityville home has finally been demoed and the artifacts or contents of the home are being sold off. Hey, didn’t this happen already? But let’s move on as the character Marianne gets ahold of the knife that is supposedly “Jack the Ripper’s” knife and was supposedly at the Amityville home for some unknown reason. Once the knife is released from the box it’s Jack the Ripper (bad accent and all) beginning to kill again! Now it’s up to a couple friends to contain this great power. There are so many problems with this so-called movie I feel like I would be picking on it just for laughs. But there is literally only one redeeming thing about this entry and that would be seeing Indy newcomer Angel Bradford, a very talented Indy actress that will be fun to watch for years to come. Otherwise folks please don’t waste your time on this fruitless entry as I give it 0 stars.
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!
A reminder: let’s keep it simple. Let’s all have fun, promote each other, meet all the great people coming through the door, and celebrate independent horror!
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It’s a Wonderful Slice (DVD/Vimeo) – So I was privileged enough to check out a not released yet holiday Indy flick from an unknown filmmaker to me, Michael Moutsatsos (hope I spelled that right?). Anyway, Michael goes an unconventional route of holiday anthology story telling that gives the viewer a history lesson of Santa, Krampus, and a mischievous elf on their killing ground that eventually leads into the introduction of the storyteller. When the storyteller appears this is where the real movie begins as he ties together five quick holiday horrors that a man being sliced in his shower, a friend using wolves as cover for a murder, Santa attacking a couple in the woods, Satan controlling a man, and finally a beautiful woman toying with her victim. The story telling isn’t breaking new ground (but unconventional) as I quite enjoyed how the filmmaker went about putting everything together in this no budget production using a small if not same cast in each segment and using maybe three sets or areas the whole film. Otherwise, knowing what you have (not much) using it to your advantage and a high budget glossy look along the way. How to put it: when I see something like this I already know this might not be the filmmaker’s best work to date but it shows me they are usually testing or experimenting of putting together something even more entertaining in their next project or the one after that? Again anthologies can be a tough sell since a lot of filmmakers make them these days but these stories are quick, don’t linger, and you got someone dressed as Santa slaughtering people and quite simply you are going to have Indy movie viewers smiling in the end as I give this 2 out of 4 stars.
The Beekeeper (On Demand) – This is not just another run of the mill action film starring Jason Statham. I think this movie is going to have some legs for the next few years. A mysterious dude named Adam Clay has rented a barn from a Mrs. Parker out in the middle of nowhere where he raises “bees”! But when Mrs. Parker is taken in by a computer scam and commits suicide after seeing she has just lost her savings Clay finds the aftermath. This sends Mr. Clay to find the United Data Company and burn them down from bottom to top. This event sets in motion Mr. Clay to find everyone who is involved and just burned them to the ground so to speak! Mr. Clay is an agent for the government that is a failsafe. He works outside of all agencies but has unlimited funds and have been a part of the US for decades as they are unstoppable killers. This is one of the better action film ideas I have seen in recent memory and love this concept as this taps into a very real-time subject that everyone could get behind and would want to happen as our government sucks at trying to control shit like this? Plus this movie doesn’t waste time at all throughout, there is no filler as Clay is just killing almost from the time it begins till the great ending as they still had time to fit in some interesting characters. This film gets my approval big time as I say you need to watch this as I give it 4 stars.
The Gladiator (YouTube) – A mid-80s TV movie from the dude that gave us ‘Driller Killer’ that I found out recently existed from my good friend/brother T-shirt Joe Garcia at www.fastcustomshirts.com . The film stars Nancy Allen, Rick Dees, Stan Shaw, and a bad ass 1969 Charger… Talk about a huge “let’s pick out of the grab bag of ideas”? The premise of this flick is a mysterious dude in this 1969 Charger (that never runs out of gas by the way) runs people off the road for fun. Rick and his younger brother become victims one evening after a bit of road rage. Rick survives the mishap barely only to become consumed with tracking down bad drivers and reporting them to the police with his bad ass 70s Silverado which by the way is able to shoot a grappling hook! Rick is literally making citizen’s arrest which is just laughable and just adds to the dramatic filler of this film. I wanted more out of this but maybe this is why TV movies in the mid-80s were dying off as they were not given as much creative freedom or their time passed unlike the fun times of the 70s TV movies as I could only give this 2 stars.
Raiders of the Living Dead (VHS) – A weird mid-80s no budget film that has been on my list of shit to track down to watch for years. We get someone investigating zombies, a boy making a laser gadget out of a laserdisc player (we are not dating this movie immediately?), and a movie that doesn’t make a whole lick of sense… This is most likely why this film wasn’t the easiest to track down and watch as I cannot give it more than 1 star.
The Boogens (Blu-ray) – By now I am sure most horror movie fans have either watched this film or have heard about it and have varying opinions on it: Too dark, the monsters barely show up, not enough people died, or this was one my favorite films to see on HBO when growing up in the early 80s. This was one of those horror films that slowly faded away as the 80s crept on and this title went out of print without anybody paying attention. Then sometime in the early 2000s when movies such as this were starting to pop up finally this movie was found by a newer generation of horror fans and that is how I believe it eventually had the rights bought up so it could see the light of day again in physical media? Anyway, set in Colorado, late February a small crew is reopening a mine that had a cave-in and strange happenings 70 years before. Talk of creatures eating miners and such fun crap. Well after this crew reopens the mine the strange bloodthirsty creatures awaken to feast again on those who dare enter their domain! For me this film just hit right when I was young watching it on the HBO, so almost every year in late February I am usually watching this with ‘My Bloody Valentine’ because I am a horror nerd at heart. But this is a recent Blu-ray release with a 4K transfer from Kino Lorber that let’s be honest I don’t how much cleaner they can get this? Anyhow, there aren’t a lot of extras but it does have two different commentaries from the director, cast, and film historian Howard S. Berger which were interesting if you enjoy the film? Also there is a little cool featurette called William Munns: The Man Who Made the Boogens. A fun interview that pretty much explains what we have and why and most likely why there really isn’t any deleted scenes floating out there as I give this proper release 3 stars.
The Monster that Challenged the World (DVD) – Just another fun 50s movie where after an earthquake under the ocean an ancient giant creature is released and begins to breed as it feeds on humans. Now only the scientists and the US Navy are the ones that can save humanity! One of those late night horror host favs that should be watched with friends or at a drive-in as I give it 3 stars.
A Haunting in Venice (On Demand) – Kenneth Branagh returns in this third entry as Detective Hercule who is lured out of retirement to figure out if a medium is a fraud or not? Feeling off his game and starting to believe in ghosts at a home that is believed to be haunted but also the cause of a young woman’s death he investigates. It dabbles into paranormal a little here but never goes over the edge and remembers what these movies are supposed to be and that is mysteries. I have enjoyed all three entries of the series so far and surprised they made a third one as I didn’t believe the second one did much box office? Anymore these days Hollywood is driven by greed like most things in this world and we don’t exactly get entertained by movies these days or taken to a different world if that makes sense for 90 or 120 minutes as often as we should… Anyway horror fans if looking for something a little different? You don’t need to see the first two flicks and you like ghosts stories well this is all you as I give it 3 stars.
Johnny Z (Tubi) – A recent Indy zombie flick I have followed over the past year seeing where I could grab a copy or watch it somewhere since the concept interest me. A little tough waiting as I believe it may have hit some festivals and such but now widely available for us weird Indy movie fans. This Spanish/English combo works in many ways to tell a story that is set already in a world overrun with zombies as people continue to live among them. We also have a corporation that of course has the cure for this terrible plague in a thing called “Patient Z” that they want to use for their rich friends and basically control the world kind of thing. But after this creation is broken out of the facility “Patient Z” or eventually “Johnny Z” is taken in by an older man (Jonray) who has been broken by the zombie plague. Slowly these two form a bond and try to protect each other from the corporation coming to collect their project. I quite enjoyed and was entertained by the subject matter this Indy flick tackles here as it was more complex than it looks? They try to inject something new and a little difficult to pull off into a ‘dead’ Indy genre “zombies” but that is just my opinion. I like some of the people who worked behind the scenes as their names are familiar if you are an Indy fan and we get a quick appearance from one of the best Indy actresses out there in Ellie Church. Overall this film kicks ass and entertaining as hell but I also believe there is a little bit of filler in the middle that could have been cut out of its 94 minute running time. Kudos to all involved as this might be the closest thing in independent cinema anytime soon I have seen like Zane Hershberger’s “Force to Fear” as I give this 3 out of 4 stars.
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!
Blood Feast (4K/remake) – I had no expectations going into this film because just like a lot of horror movie fans I felt this had been done already… ‘Blood Diner’ anyone?! Hell even ‘Blood Feast 2’ made a decade or two ago? But of course that didn’t stop anyone as an American family the Ramses headed to Paris six months ago to start up an American restaurant/diner thing. Owner Fuad Ramses and his diner are having tough times so he has been working a second job as night security dude at a museum. One morning Fuad has lost his pills which are critical to his health (according to Caroline Williams, the wife) and that night he witnesses Ishtar. Ishtar fascinates Fuad so much he goes to the library to do research on the goddess. Thus his research makes Fuad believe he has found the answer to his failings in Paris and it all starts with preparation for a giant feast that upcoming Saturday night with his family. Not only is he feeding on those he is killing but his family will also feast all in the name of Ishtar! There is no doubt the film went out of its way to be gory as hell. The cast and structure was great as Robert Rusler stole the flick with his performance that felt like he should have been in the 1963 original film as Fuad. Also it was great seeing an appearance of H.G. Lewis doing a YouTube thing giving backstory to Ishtar, a very tasteful gesture of a cameo. But my original stance on the film is still 2 out of 4 stars. Let me explain: If there was no original H.G. Lewis I think myself and other horror fans would have celebrated this release as soon as it was announced because this remake is solid and wonderful. But the biggest problem for any filmmaker is you are tackling something “historical” not only in minds of horror movie fans but just fans of “cinema”. So at least for me as I watch this version (as good as Robert Rusler was) I cannot get that original out of my mind let alone the over the top greatness called “Blood Diner” from the 80s. Hell, there is still a large portion of horror fans still learning of the legend of H.G. Lewis? This film I believe falls under the category “of it will be appreciated by horror fans in a decade or so after its release…” Also with this 4K version is the uncut version of the film, a ‘making of’ featurette, music video, red carpet premiere in 2018, promo teaser, and Scare cam. The full package itself I give 3 out of 4 stars and can be found through www.synapsefilms.com .
Desert Shadows (Tubi) – This little weirdo creature feature has Mitch Pileggi as Donnie who has lost his brother out in the desert when hunting one afternoon. Donnie has this crazy story about a monster or Baru in this case has taken him. With no one believing him he finds a Professor Ridley at a university who does believe and knows of a possible experiment that had rumored escapee at an old shutdown government facility near the disappearance. With the help of the professor’s assistant Morgan, Donnie and her go back and look for clues in hopes of finding Donnie’s brother? Instead they find some aftermath of victims of the creature which it might be a parasite that cocoons its victims to change them, mold them. Come on people, weird creature, government facility, and the bad ass dude that played Skinner on X-files! Gimme this shit all day as I give this fun creature flick 2 ½ stars.
Hair Metal Shotgun Zombie Massacre (You Tube) – After a few years of trying to track this one down for my list (yes for those that pay attention I have a massacre list just like an Amityville list and we are now under eight movies to find on my massacre list out of like 220) I watched this on You Tube on some kind of channel that is a virtual theater??? Anyway, this film takes place somewhere in Texas after 1989 it claims where four desperate metal heads and their drummer screw up with an evil book. The band is struggling to make it and to record an album but finally get their chance at a studio that was placed inside a cottage in the middle of a cemetery that was used to bury rapists and murders. Yes indeed, that is Metal! Of course after getting the booze and drugs going they find the evil book in the basement of this studio and decide to use it for their music. Thus of course brings forth the dead in this rather gory little Indy film that has zombies crashing the recording session. Surrounded by the undead and even with their flame throwing guitar there is nothing to do but pray to Satan for help who is played by none other Tom Araya, who shows up to make the film worth the watch just for this moment! The 83 minute Indy film has its moments and is a definite must watch if you were a metal person in the 80s and early 90s as kudos to the filmmakers for keeping that vibe throughout the feature. The only thing I could of maybe added to this is if they would have gotten W.A.S.P. front man Blackie Lawless to show up with Tom Araya or one be god and the other to be Satan now that would have been wonderful? But fun times with this metal zombie chaos as yeah it could have been edited to probably 70 minutes but it has some great gore, good music, and fucking Tom Araya from Slayer as I give this 2 ½ out of 4 stars.
Pot Zombies (DVD/You Tube) – An Indy film from the early 2000s I remember being advertised at some of the horror conventions I use to go to at that time. This quick flick directed by Justin Powers has some locals secretly placing radioactive material into the weed seedlings. So now whoever smokes the weed turns green and has the munchies for human flesh! There really isn’t an ending to this movie but there is a sequel I plan on checking out soon and if you look up this film you will come across my favorite person of all time T-shirt Joe Garcia of www.fastcustomshirts.com making shirts and talking about the film as I give this no budget flick 2 out of 4 stars.
Nightmare Alley (DVD/remake) – A recent remake of a film that was unknown to me as I mostly check out horror flicks and such but anytime the name Guillermo Del Toro is attached to it you got my attention. This is a period piece that starts I believe some time after the first World War about a man Bradley Cooper playing a drifter who hooks up with a carnival one evening. As he stays and learns the ins and outs of the carnival lifestyle he meets a young woman named Molly that he cannot keep his eyes off of. After a while he convinces her to leave with him and two years later they have a mentalist duo act that caters to the rich. Bradley Cooper or Stan is warned of using these powers too much or for not so good things as they will lead to trouble? But as he starts to believe his own bullshit seeing the money getting bigger and bigger his life begins to crumble around him. This is a great telling of the Freakshow business in the first half of the 1900s. Again this isn’t a horror movie as much as an interesting drama as I give it 3 stars.
Willard (DVD) – Food of the Gods, SyFy Channel, etc., owe a lot to this classic that doesn’t get talked about much these days that also not only had a sequel of sorts but a remake with Crispin Glover that was dark and wonderful. It is always fun to go back and revisit something like this 1971 classic about a young man Willard, who is stuck in a terrible job where he is overworked and overwhelmed by his controlling mother. But things are about to change for Willard as he makes friends with a rat outside of his mother’s home and the friendship blossoms that helps Willard come out of his shyness. But just when things are beginning to look great for Willard, his mother dies, he is about to lose his house, and that ignorant boss of his has just fired him causing friction between Willard and his new rat friends. Fun horror stuff that is kind of light hearted by today’s standards but was definitely the template for future “animal attacks horror films” and “rat horror films”. Just as equally good is the remake with Crispin Glover which I believe is a more sinister and darker version of this film also worth checking out as I give this 3 stars.
Hold that Ghost (DVD) – A 1941 film that has Abbott and Costello in their second film ever as the comedy act play relief waiters who get fired the first night on. They then become gas station attendants to make ends meet. Trying to explain jobs that don’t exist any longer for those who don’t even know this was a job long ago? Anyway these two somehow get mixed up with a mob man Moose Manson and are with him when he dies so they get to inherit supposedly a haunted hotel. From there as someone is murdered and two guys claiming to be detectives but disappear as the hilarity ensues. This is just a fun reset for horror fans that are looking for that movie to help cleanse the palate before doing another deep dive in cinema as I give this 3 stars.
Blood Gorge (You Tube) – I received a screener of a 40 minute independent horror film from a new name to the scene Victor Gabriel who wrote and directed this slasher film that takes place around Halloween. Victor gets right to the point in this straight forward Indy slasher where a masked man is slaughtering his way through a group of young people with some fun unique kills. The cast is likable, Victor was sure to keep this tight so the story doesn’t grow dull (it’s hard to bring something new if anything to the slasher genre), love the Faces of Death jacket to engrain that 80s horror feel, but the surprise good thing of this first effort out is the effects as they are just delightful to see! Victor and company are not reinventing the wheel here but this has that “let’s see if we can accomplish this first before we do what we really want to do next” kind of film feel. An experimental project if you like to say as I believe they have succeeded with flying colors! Great stuff from a new name to me in the Indy world and look forward to seeing what is next as I give this project 3 out of 4 stars.
Saltville (DVD/You Tube) – From the mind that gave us Indy lovers “Music Store Massacre” comes an independent drama about racism still existing in a small mountain town of Virginia and the past coming back to haunt those who are corrupt. You know me this isn’t my usual cup of independent film tea but always enjoy getting to see stuff from a filmmaker that is completely off the beaten path. A brother returns home after twenty some years after a disappearance of their sister in the mountains that still haunts them. They disagree on just about everything including the new ski resort that is going to be built on the mountain but requires removing or forcing people who have lived up there out of their forest homes for hundreds of years. Sleazy lawyer, sinister plans to remove people, inbred blue people, racism, a missing sister, and using the Civil War as a back drop for this drama makes for an interesting project as I got give this film 2 ½ out of 4 stars.
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!
Before we get to our next announcement there is some important news and sad to say The Mummy and The Monkey cannot attend Grossfest 2024. Because of their rising national and international success as horror host and hostess they are in high demand. As Janet said to us, “The Cleveland motto is maybe next year”, her words not ours, lol. Anyway all is good as we plan to bring this talented duo Janet and James (The Mummy and The Monkey) in for 2025 Grossfest! In all seriousness, we all know life tends to throw us curve balls and that is no different with horror conventions but don’t worry Grossfest fans we are in constant contact with this wonderful duo and plan to have them at one of our shows. So in the meantime please keep supporting these fine folks as we will! Thank you Janet and James see yinz next year.
Blood Feast (4K/remake) – I had no expectations going into this film because just like a lot of horror movie fans I felt this had been done already… ‘Blood Diner’ anyone?! Hell even ‘Blood Feast 2’ made a decade or two ago? But of course that didn’t stop anyone as an American family the Ramses headed to Paris six months ago to start up an American restaurant/diner thing. Owner Fuad Ramses and his diner are having tough times so he has been working a second job as night security dude at a museum. One morning Fuad has lost his pills which are critical to his health (according to Caroline Williams, the wife) and that night he witnesses Ishtar. Ishtar fascinates Fuad so much he goes to the library to do research on the goddess. Thus his research makes Fuad believe he has found the answer to his failings in Paris and it all starts with preparation for a giant feast that upcoming Saturday night with his family. Not only is he feeding on those he is killing but his family will also feast all in the name of Ishtar! There is no doubt the film went out of its way to be gory as hell. The cast and structure was great as Robert Rusler stole the flick with his performance that felt like he should have been in the 1963 original film as Fuad. Also it was great seeing an appearance of H.G. Lewis doing a YouTube thing giving backstory to Ishtar, a very tasteful gesture of a cameo. But my original stance on the film is still 2 out of 4 stars. Let me explain: If there was no original H.G. Lewis I think myself and other horror fans would have celebrated this release as soon as it was announced because this remake is solid and wonderful. But the biggest problem for any filmmaker is you are tackling something “historical” not only in minds of horror movie fans but just fans of “cinema”. So at least for me as I watch this version (as good as Robert Rusler was) I cannot get that original out of my mind let alone the over the top greatness called “Blood Diner” from the 80s. Hell, there is still a large portion of horror fans still learning of the legend of H.G. Lewis? This film I believe falls under the category “of it will be appreciated by horror fans in a decade or so after its release…” Also with this 4K version is the uncut version of the film, a ‘making of’ featurette, music video, red carpet premiere in 2018, promo teaser, and Scare cam. The full package itself I give 3 out of 4 stars and can be found through www.synapsefilms.com .
A Creature is Stirring (DVD) – So this was an interesting holiday film that stars Scout Taylor-Compton who I feel has craved a wonderful nice horror career for her. We are thrown right into an odd situation where a mother and daughter are struggling to communicate but clearly there is something more going on. As the two continue to deal with their secret to the audience a couple of backpackers have stumbled upon these two alone in a house during a vicious blizzard. As the holiday film gets a little odder we learn the daughter is some kind of porcupine magical monster shit?! This film had to be one of the odder holiday genre films I have ever encountered as I feel you need to be under the influence of drugs just to understand everything that happens as I give it a solid 2 ½ stars.
Silent Night (On Demand) – A John Woo film that seems to have that feeling of slipping under the radar of all the holiday nonsense here in the states and have been under advertised if that makes sense? The film opens with a terrific car stunt scene with the main character Brian and a pair of gangbangers. Brian’s boy was killed by a stray bullet and Brian took it upon himself to seek justice but fails as he is shot in the neck. But miraculously Brian survives to ignore his wife and begin training for next Christmas Eve where he plans to rein hell among all the gangbangers in his area. There isn’t a lot of dialogue and what helps this action flick out is this isn’t your Jason Statham taking an army of people and coming out completely untouched. Vengeance is messy, stupid in some cases, and everything doesn’t go to exact plan you had as this had some fun effects and stunts but feels like its holding back a little since it was made here and I can only give it 2 ½ stars.
Section 8 (DVD) – Dolph Lundgren, Scott Adkins, and Mickey Rouke star in this feature about a dude named Jake who is trying to live the normal life until he has a scuffle with some neighborhood gangbangers who in return kill his kid and wife. Jake after losing his shit and killing a bunch of people for revenge is seeked out by a Black Ops team “Section 8” for a ‘get out of jail free card’ if he works for them. Jake isn’t happy with the option but takes it because he is out of prison until he is asked to kill some kids and now on the run. If there was one thing you will notice about this movie besides some of the kick ass action scenes is that everyone on the “Section 8” team goes overboard with the eyeliner as I give the film 3 stars.
Dreamland (DVD) – Stephen McHattie lives in some fucked up alternate world where he works for Henry Rollins and is asked to kill his doppelganger who happens to be some musician for a countess (Juliette Lewis) whose brother is a vampire and going to get married to a 13 year old! So there is a countess, a vampire, underage marriage, a mob boss played by Henry Rollins, kids smoking, and kids being sold on a regular basis… Yep you read that all correct as not a whole lot makes sense until the very end as it’s all about saving the kids in this German/Canadian/Belgium production as I give it 2 ½ stars only because Stephen McHattie plays two characters!
Ip Man 4: The Finale (DVD) – Leave it to my weird movie viewing ass to start with the last film first in this martial arts action series. Donnie Yen is Mr. Ip in 1964; San Francisco where his star pupil Bruce Lee has asked for his presence to help him get the Chinese in Chinatown to understand it is a good thing to teach martial arts to all people not one certain kind of people. The grandmasters ask Mr. Ip to keep his student in check while he is dealing with cancer and what time he has left to have with his son? Mr. Ip is not only asked to eventually to defend Mr. Lee and his people but his use of martial arts which becomes a highlight movie fight in the last ten minutes of the film with Donnie Yen and Scott Adkins as I give the film 4 stars.
Destroy All Neighbors (Shudder) – William who is a big Prog Rock dude and works on his own music constantly but never that big break has a noisy new neighbor who has just moved in. Vlad the new neighbor bothers William so much it is keeping him up at night but dislikes confrontation. William finally gets the nerve to speak out at Vlad but after a weird chaotic fake fight Vlad is impaled and that is where it gets real interesting for William as he proceeds to kill all his neighbors! The chaos of the murders goes next level weird when William begins to talk to the victims and they become his new dead friends who also play instruments in his recording! This is a weird not totally sure if it’s all a dream kind of horror comedy that will not knock your socks off funny but solid enough for a few laughs and happy you got to watch it as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!
Infinite Santa 8000 (Blu-ray) – One of my favorite Indy releases over the years is an animated feature from two brilliant minded people Michael Neel and Greg Ansin. Funny thing is it has been about ten years since I first reviewed this masterpiece of cinema coming to DVD. Now finally getting the special edition treatment through a great company Synapse Films more people will get to witness the glorious movie that I have talked about for years. This is a mind-blowing post-apocalyptic animation set thousands of years into the future where Santa still thrives or now just survives looking for people who still have the Christmas spirit. We begin with a narration to catch up the viewer “of how we got here” as Cyborg Santa is about to ‘Thunderdome’ with another in order to win sacks of meat as food is scarce in this world. Yes folks, our future are super violent, robots have taken over earth, and Santa must fight to survive but he still lives in the North Pole! What keeps the jolly bastard going these days is a robot girl named Martha who when not training loves to hang out with Santa in his workshop and hear stories of Christmas past. But after a mysterious visitor one evening Martha is kidnapped from Santa’s Ranch and we are off to the races with complete chaos as Santa and his robotic reindeer jump into action to chase down an evil rabbit! Martha’s and our holiday hero discover this is only the beginning as a thing from the past Dr. Shockleton and her mutant army are on course to not only to rid the world of the Santa menace but to reshape the world into her own. For movie nerds out there let me break this down: imagine elements of the film Wizards, Adult Swim programming, scenes from the original Terminator and Mad Max films, and a character that is a straight up an old school Bond villain, and a soundtrack that feels like lost audio tracks from early Slayer mashed together into this beautiful piece of animation that in the end is all about the Christmas spirit! And what is even better is this is the director’s cut with extended and new scenes added including a little look into who Dr. Shockleton is after credits?! To me what makes this even more special is the short interviews with the voices of the cast so you get to see and hear who these talented people are, the original 13 part web series of this project, audio commentary from the dynamic duo themselves Michael Neel and Greg Ansin, music videos, plus more than anything this feature being on Blu-ray I believe makes everything in this feature pop and look even better than it ever did when watching it ten years ago on YouTube and such. This brilliant piece of holiday cinema will make a great addition to horror fans’ collections but also yearly holiday movie watching for years to come as my opinion has never changed giving it 4 out of 4 stars and now officially can be found at www.synapsefilms.com .
Cryptids (Dropbox) – Justin M. Seaman and Zane Hershberger at no time are not working on a project as they put together with some other filmmakers an anthology that uses the “Mothman Festival” as a back drop and the legendary movie host Joe Bob Briggs as Harlan Dean a radio host for a program about Cryptids. For this week’s show Harlan has asked callers to call in with stories that deal with cryptozoology! First story deals with a legend of “Melon Heads” or young people who were experimented on instead of being taken care of by their doctor and escaped the facility to live in the woods. Second story is about a park ranger and his partner facing off with a group of Sasquatches deep in the woods while looking for lost campers. (Which I quite enjoyed the ending) The third story is the hilarious entry of the bunch that I think holds the anthology together of a man who disappears in the woods after he finds a monstrous fish creature and has what seems like an acid trip? This story works well for where it is as it releases a little pressure of the tension that was built up by the first two stories. Fourth story is set on Halloween where a fisherman brings home a mysterious rock/large egg thing that he wants to use for his set up that night. Problem is the thing hatches and now little ghoulish things are running rampant through the house. The fifth is about two chupacabras chasing down individuals in a building for the fun of the Mexican cartel who watch it on closed circuit TV. The last story involves two young men who decide to have a monster hunt for a mysterious animal that may or may have not been eating all the neighborhood animals recently to set up a prank. The anthology comes in at a brisk 76 minutes with all entries being quite delightful and entertaining experiences into cryptozoology. The project is well casted, well shot, as has Justin and Zane showing off their talents once again in the world of low budget filmmaking as I give this anthology 3 ½ out of 4 stars.
The Last Christmas in the Universe (YouTube) – The fine folks from Spain that have brought you the over the top brilliant work of “Fist of Jesus” and “Brutal Relax” have returned with a post-apocalyptic holiday short film. It is December 25th next year?! Everything has gone to shit and a gang of brutal thugs are about to kill a man but Santa has arrived because even though everything is just about dead Santa has a job to do as long as there is still one good person left. Santa and his magical bag of presents turns the fight to the death into a fantastic holiday splatterfest that includes Santa playing ‘Twister’ (the version of the game here in the US) with the thugs’ body parts in order to save this one good person. Need some dark humor in your Season’s Greetings look no further than this absolutely fun gorefest that will just make you smile like the days of unwrapping all those cool presents as a kid as I give this wonderful holiday short film 4 out of 4 stars. Also these talented people are in need of your support so please check out www.patreon.com/RedParty to help.
Mean Guns (Tubi) – This little known film has direct-to-video from 1997 written all over it as its about mobsters in a new prison staring Ice-T, Christopher Lambert, and Thom Mathews among a few other familiar faces. The real plot of it is getting all these members of the ‘syndicate’ who may have made a mistake or two recently and weed them out. Three out of a hundred are allowed to survive and collect a share of ten million dollars? But Ice-T has plans for all these evil bastards in the end as he plans to screw them all in this 110 minute “not totally sure if there was a real plot” action crime/action flick as I give it 2 ½ stars. P.S. think of this as Albert Pyun’s version of ‘The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly’ in a prison?
Adrenalin: Fear the Rush (Tubi) – A weird post-apocalyptic flick of sorts from 1996 starring Christopher Lambert where at the time Russia falling apart causes a bio-weapon germ to leak out and destroy most of Europe. Now some years have passed and this so-called germ has mutated and possibly causes the human race to become a super cannibalistic infected thing that infects people by touching them! This nasty thing has shown up in a ‘Control Zone’ and the local police chase it down in some tunnels only to become the hunted as the government knows what a disaster it could become. To make it even more fun we get Andrew Divoff playing one of the mysterious government types in this lower budgeted but effectively fun cat and mouse ‘infected’ film that I give 2 ½ stars too.
Blue Monkey (Blu-ray) – You know the story of John Vernon happens to run a hospital that so happens to be testing a laser thingy? Well of course some old dude gets pricked by a foreign plant at his woman’s greenhouse that basically gives him a heart attack and a weird bacterial infection. The infection eventually sends the hospital into lockdown which randomly has Joe Flaherty from SCTV and his pregnant movie wife at the hospital trying to give birth. It has nothing to do with the story but come on we all love Joe! Meanwhile Steve Railsback and a doctor are trying to track down the infection that has mutated into a creature with a Nintendo gun… That is before the government just runs and burns the place to the ground because they consider it a “Class 4 Quarantine”. The 1987 film was also known as ‘The Insect’ and that is most of what I wrote for a review several years ago for this movie. For as much as I am not a huge fan of this flick it does have a solid cast and believe this new transfer of the film to Blu-ray adds to the rewatching experience. The Blu-ray version is not as dark and colorful in spots that wasn’t highlighted throughout the film whether it was the creature and its lair in the basement of the hospital or just giving it even more late 70s TV movie look? Anyway I believe this helped me enjoy the film a little more and give it a little more respect a second time around as I give it another ½ star (2 stars overall now) for this B-movie madness.
Bad CGI Gator (Tubi) – Danny Draven for Full Moon tries to go the old SyFy Channel and Roger Corman route with fully knowing there is an independent movie out there called “Bad CGI Sharks” with making a simple quick film here. The movie takes place in southern Georgia (or out in the woods of Cleveland) where young college kids come to party and try to trend on their social media accounts by throwing their laptops into the pond! A gator lurking by gets electrocuted by the laptops and grows so next thing you know this mutated animal is doing (dated reference here) Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon shit all over the cottage. The movie only runs 58 minutes which is a good thing as the movie wasn’t bad but if it makes sense at all wasn’t that interesting as it seemed like one those projects you question “why was it made now?” Anyhow it’s out there and I still enjoy Full Moon but can only give this project 1 star.
Caddy Hack (DVD) – Killer gophers on a golf course in a no budget flick I am usually in for but a “Caddyshack” parody forty years later sounds like a project that should have never left the paper the script was printed on? Don’t get me wrong I enjoyed the killer gophers in this flick but there was a lot of filler in order to fill a running time. I am not saying don’t watch this film has there does look like these folks put a good amount of time and effort into it but next time go watch “Zombeavers” before you tackle a project like this? Or take a cue from the short film classic “Night of the Hell Hamsters”? Anyway for those of you that are weird like me and have to watch it… a shitty golf tournament at “The Old Glory Holes” golf course is in jeopardy when Hambone the groundskeeper accidentally mutates the gophers with his experimental fertilizer spray (not pesticides as listed on IMDB) in turns has the little bastards grow into a horrible “Gremlins” remake! Don’t get me wrong I do enjoy ideas like this but sometimes they just need to stay ideas if that make sense as I give this unneeded parody 1 star.
Toga Party Massacre (DVD) – This rare SOV flick made out of love and no money returns from 1989 to be available again for us completely nutzoid Indy fans. This horror parody gets in and out in 39 minutes as two young ladies have a toga party (even a dated reference at that time) after the parents head out of town. The party is rocking along until two dudes show up late (one wearing a Helloween shirt, kudos) to tell the story of Frankie Robertson that kills the vibe of the party! Now a mysterious man in a mask shows up to kill everyone, is it Frankie Robertson? This is one of those early SOV films that are so bad but so much fun as I laughed several times throughout giving it 3 stars and advise all fans to track this down for some fun.
1962 Halloween Massacre (DVD-R) – College school project, regular Indy project, whatever it is considered this is a film that takes place in 1962 following four friends to a party in the middle of nowhere. As no one dies for the first forty minutes of the film a mysterious killer stalks the party if you wanna call it that as it’s only a party when someone has to die as 99% of the film is focused on these four kids. There is a good idea of a serial killer film somewhere in here but what doesn’t help the project is the film is a very talky horror film. Lots of banter between the four kids driving to the party that continues throughout the movie like the filmmaker had something to prove? Or wanted to say I am smarter than the viewer which never flies these days. Either way if you can through the endless dialogue you will see what I mean about there is a good film somewhere in there it was just not made simply as I give this project 1 ½ stars.
There is Something in the Barn (On Demand) – A holiday horror delight that will baffle horror fans “how wasn’t this in theaters again?” It is Norway at Christmas time as a family has inherited a home in Norway and decided to move from the U.S. to this beautiful landscape. With that in mind the parents decide they are going to remodel the barn to turn it into an Air BnB or something within the year. But their son has different plans as the young boy learns of the barn elves and discovers they have one. The boy wants to respect the barn elf but the parents begin to follow through on their plans and that is where the holiday fun begins with the elves looking to kill all involved! It sucks not many got to see this entertaining horror film this past season but have a feeling like ‘Violent Night, Fatman, and Christmas Bloody Christmas’ horror fans are going to be adding this fun holiday horror to their list next year as I give it 3 stars.
Thanksgiving (On Demand) – It is the Grindhouse trailer turned into a feature that horror fans screamed for years. I have a whole theory on that but let’s get to the review first. For the first time ever the Right Mart store in Plymouth, Mass., is open on Thanksgiving and these people are vicious. A riot happens because the stupid humans want their waffle irons. Many are injured and a few are killed. One year passes by and it’s that time of the year again but some teenagers are receiving social media posts that they are invited to a creepy dinner as a mysterious figure in a John Carver mask has taken to slaughtering the residents who were apart of the riot. Its bloody, it’s fun, turned out better than I thought it would to give us a modern day Thanksgiving slasher that I give a solid 3 stars too. Now on that theory part of this film finally getting made? Should this been made a few years back when the whole ‘black Friday’ thing was more of a thing, yes. Should he have brought this to life after “Machete, Hobo with a Shotgun” got out there, yes. But Eli Roth working on other projects that either had horror fans frustrated fans or them happy as I believe this was a project he always intended to do but never found the right time? Now a little more mature in his filmmaking ways and a good chance of we will never know for sure behind the scenes he may have been forced to make this project when no one seen it happening because he was about to lose it? I have been critical of Eli Roth in the past as some will know but this feels like a Carpenter move by Roth in understanding what fans want but also understanding he is a fan also? There is more to this theory but I think you get what I am saying as I think it was good we got this horror film as it may have not been perfect but believe overall horror fans will enjoy it for years to come.
The Loch Ness Horror (DVD) – For the love of Rutger Hauer what the hell are yinz kids doing over there in the UK making this dumb bullshit? A ship goes down after searching for the mystical creature. Now, an exec cobbles together an unlikely crew for a rescue mission which of course isn’t true soon as you see the characters arrive on a docked ship that never leaves port. Yes this is one of those reviews where I point out all the dumb shit! Anyhow if the CGI monster and ocean isn’t enough be sure to pay attention to the storm that doesn’t get anyone wet, the radar on a cell phone honestly people you are on a fucking large navy vessel, the boat is supposed to be moving and the dude driving it is somewhere in the basement of the boat and yes I said basement because that is where this film should have stayed, or pay attention to the characters as the male characters look like bad extras from a fishing show and the female characters seem they are dressed to have drinks on their little rich yacht! Details PEOPLE! This wasn’t just bad this project is stupid bad and makes me question why I keep watching these things as I give it 0 stars.
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!
The Last Christmas in the Universe (YouTube) – The fine folks from Spain that have brought you the over the top brilliant work of “Fist of Jesus” and “Brutal Relax” have returned with a post-apocalyptic holiday short film. It is December 25th next year?! Everything has gone to shit and a gang of brutal thugs are about to kill a man but Santa has arrived because even though everything is just about dead Santa has a job to do as long as there is still one good person left. Santa and his magical bag of presents turns the fight to the death into a fantastic holiday splatterfest that includes Santa playing ‘Twister’ (the version of the game here in the US) with the thugs’ body parts in order to save this one good person. Need some dark humor in your Season’s Greetings look no further than this absolutely fun gorefest that will just make you smile like the days of unwrapping all those cool presents as a kid as I give this wonderful holiday short film 4 out of 4 stars. Also these talented people are in need of your support so please check out www.patreon.com/RedParty to help.
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