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Gross Movie Reviews #361

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Gross Movie Reviews #361

 

By Tim Gross

 

Crimson Peak (Theater) – The best way to describe the film is the way Guillermo Del Toro described it as “gothic romance”. Here is the quick story; the dude that played Loki in “the Avengers” movies is inventor looking for money from big American companies to invest to help him finish it. Think of it as a Kickstarter campaign or Indie Go-Go. Well he gets denied by a big shot that just happens to have only one daughter and of course she isn’t married yet. Well Loki isn’t there so much for the money right now as he is looking for a new bride to take home to his sister to kill for the money… and incest. Things don’t go according to plan when the new bride keeps seeing ghosts in the broken down castle. Great atmosphere, great scenery, but blah overall on the ‘Hammer-lite’ flow.  It pretty much just exists and for that I just give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Night of the Wild (DVD/SyFy Channel) – Eric Red made a movie with Asylum Entertainment about meteors falling and causing all dogs to attack humans. Well most of the attacks looks like the dogs are wrestling or playing with the actors when they are not CG’d in. This movie tries hard not to be a pile of steaming poo but damn if you can’t get that scent out of your nose while watching it. Asylum stick with the ‘Shark Attack, Sharknados, and Shark whatever’ films as I give this flick 1 star.

 

Moonstalker (DVD-R/DVD) – The director of the 80s film “Hellgate” also did this flick too before disappearing from filmmaking land. It’s the middle of winter and a family is vacationing all by themselves in the middle of the woods. Until, an old dude rolls up sits down for some talk and cake and then unleashes his son! Who just happens to be a pillow sheet, straight-jacket wearing weirdo that goes and kills the family for their microwave? But that wasn’t enough for Bernie as he disguises himself as one of the incoming people to the ‘Wilderness Councilor Camp’. Then Bernie continues his slashing ways through the others. Movie was heavily influenced by “Friday the 13th”.  I give it 2 stars.

 

Goosebumps (Theater) – Now let me explain something here, “Goosebumps” the books and original TV series missed me by a few years. By time this book series became known and popular I was 17 or 18 years old and about to graduate. But several younger friends I had would always talk about this series for years to come. It was great PG-rated horror stuff for teenagers. So over the years the series has gone and came back and even had a new series come back for a couple years not too long ago but the movie should have happened 10 or 15 years ago. And that folks is the only bad thing I could say about the film. Now present day, Jack Black is R. L. Stine who has a daughter/Hannah/maybe and moves around a lot for unknown reasons. Cue in new boy movies in next door, Madison, Delaware, daughter takes an interest. Mr. Stine says, “Stay away!” New boy tries to be good about it until one evening he calls the police because Stine is screaming at Hannah. Worried and the police are about to file a false report warning against the young man he sneaks back in to check on Hannah with a friend a couple days later. When in they both find a room that has all the “Goosebumps” manuscripts written. Accidentally, one gets knocked down, opens and Sasquatch is loose! Hannah and the boys follow it and try to capture it but fail but get help from R.L. Stine. Mr. Stine explains this is the reason they keep moving because eventually someone opens one of the manuscripts and chaos ensues. But it’s too late as Slappy the Dummy is loose and plans on making sure none of them get sucked back into the books. This movie is absolutely wonderful and perfect. Again if it was made 10 or 15 years ago it’s “The Monster Squad” of that generation. I give the film 3 ½ stars and Jack Black was awesome as R.L. Stine. Critics get over yourselves this movie was good.

 

The Green Inferno (Theater) – College students join a major protestor that has arranged for them to fly into Peru and go chain themselves to construction vehicles that are about to destroy a jungle and an ancient tribe. The protestors want to protect them and film it for the world to see to help stop it. After the event they get back on a plane to go back to their hotel only for it to go down in the middle of the jungle and be capture by the ancient cannibal tribe in the aftermath. Once captured those who didn’t die almost want to as they witness some horrible imagery as they watch their friends be baked, sliced, and diced for meals. Never mind the head of the protest is a complete dickhead but adds to the horrific storyline. Congrats Eli Roth, you made your cannibal film. It was good. I enjoyed the tribes’ people and the storyline. It was a good, bloody, cannibalistic time and that is all I look for in this type of film. I am sure fans will call it Eli Roth’s “Cannibal Holocaust”, which it’s not but it is a must watch for cannibal fans. I give the fun flick 3 stars.

 

Knock Knock (On Demand) – So Eli Roth has been a busy man since he released this film also at the same time as “The Green Inferno”. Love the choice of Keanu Reeves as the lead but that is about all I enjoyed about the film. This film is about you are supposed to know males are pigs and do not trust another fucking soul on this earth especially if they have hacked your social media. Mr. Roth lets go make a sequel to “The Green Inferno” as I give this 1 star.

 

They Found Hell (SyFy Channel) – Scientists in training have figured out the doorway to hell by accident. They were trying to do the Jeff Goldblum thing with transferring an object from one place to another and thought they did it until it opened a hole in the ground that sucked them into hell. It’s a cool concept that may not have been executed correctly. But anyhow the students/scientists in training try to make their way through hell in hopes of finding the disc that can get them back through the portal. Monsters, zombies, and creatures of sorts constantly try to kill them, because it is hell… I could be wrong on this but I thought this could have made a great B-movie for SyFy Channel fans if they used it for another “Dungeons and Dragons” sequel or even a “In the Name of the King” sequel with Dolph Lundgren. I give it 2 stars.

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Sequence of Demise (YouTube) – A 27 minute film from director Jim Mitchell a few years back. The film lives up to its title as a quiet ride between three friends and a baby to the cemetery goes wrong quickly after two unknown men decide it’s time for  rape, torture, and murder. The independent short film from Mr. Mitchell comes off as an experimental film or first rough cut of what Jim Mitchell wanted on film. With that said it fits in with such films as “August Underground” or “Double Dose of Terror”. Usually not my cup of tea but if it is truly experimental and Mr. Mitchell seeing what he can do film wise it has me interested how he has progressed since 2008. It’s available on You Tube and worth checking out as I give 2 out of 4 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews has just sold another copy in the UK… Have you gotten your new movie guide?

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Also you can purchase a copy locally in the burgh at Rickert and Beagle Books: They are located at 3233 West Liberty Ave in Dormont (15216) Call us at (412) 344-7444(412) 344-7444

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Gross Movie Reviews inside look of a Saturday in October

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So when I am not writing reviews or working 55 to 60 hours a week at my real job to try pay bills this is an inside look of me on Saturday in October…

Of course you must start your day out right. Ran out of beer so this was the next option.

Of course you must start your day out right. Ran out of beer so this was the next option.

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My daughter waiting patiently for "Goosebumps" to start! Which was awesome horror fans!

My daughter waiting patiently for “Goosebumps” to start! Which was awesome horror fans!

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Me hanging out with my son watching the Pitt football for lunch and I found beer!

Hanging out with a cool reviewer named Mario Dominick at the Trick or Treat screening.

Hanging out with a cool reviewer named Mario Dominick at the Trick or Treat screening.

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Mario and the coolest grandma I have ever met in my life!

And... yeah this happened!

And… yeah this happened!

 

 

Is that Bootleg Tim Gross?

Is that Bootleg Tim Gross?

 

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Joe Bob doing the introduction to Trick or Treat

 

 

Gross Movie Reviews #360

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Gross Movie Reviews #360

 

By Tim Gross

 

Mongrel (VHS/DVD-R) – A 1982 thriller about people living at a boardinghouse where an old mean dog terrorizes a timid tenant that looks a lot like Jeffery Combs. One day one of the tenants teases the dog and the dog gets loose and attacks. After the dog is put down the timid tenant claims to hear strange noises at night (which sounds like me burping after guzzling a bottle of Yuengling). And tenants begin to die of strange vicious deaths. The film has its moments and also two things going for it: first, it’s Mitch Pileggi’s first film and second, there is a “Deep Throat” pinball game featured in a scene where tenants are drinking in a game room gossiping. Never heard much about the film before this but believe this will be a film I will revisit in the future as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

The Gallows (On Demand) – Another so-called “found footage” film that involves a high school drama class. Apparently, twenty years ago during a play called “The Gallows” a kid hangs himself when the play was being performed. After much speculation and begging by the drama class director they are doing the play again. But a kid that films everything has other plans and just happens to be best friends with the lead of the play also. Together with another friend learn the back door to the high school does not lock and break-in to destroy the set so they “The Gallows” play cannot go on the next night. Once in, strange things begin to happen while the camera rolls. Think “Grave Encounters” in a high school. There isn’t much to the film besides it being a cheap cash-in for Hollywood but again it raises the question for me… Who found this footage? Especially since it never made it out of the high school and if it did the person or persons that were a part of the deaths in the school would be arrested for the deaths. Oh no, I gave away the awesome plot! I give this uninteresting film 1 star.

 

Tremors 5: Bloodlines (DVD) – The film series that features blind giant man-eating worms and things called ass-blasters has been revived once more again featuring Michael Gross aka Burt Gummer. Gummer is now hanging out in the Nevada desert filming his survivalist internet show. It’s been years since Graboids have attacked or any new ones have popped up. But Gummer soon gets two visitors. The first is Jamie Kennedy who plays the role of crazy cameraman and fan of Gummer and second is a man from South Africa that proposes Mr. Gummer to come to South Africa to help them with their Graboid problem or I should say Ass-blaster problem. Gummer says, “If you got ass-blasters, you have Graboids.” From there Burt Gummer explains the evolution of Graboids not only for his new cameraman but for the viewers and catches everybody up on the evolution of the Graboids. Great stuff! But Gummer finds out the game has changed again in South Africa as the Graboids may have mutated one more time as their tentacles are able to detach and seek food but the Graboid is bigger and ass-blasters are not after heat as much anymore. Once Gummer understands he is being screwed over by a poacher and has a possible adult son it is time to find and destroy the nest of the mutated Graboids. Once again there isn’t a bad installment in this series that gets revived every few years or so and for great reason as the source material “Graboids” are fun to see and have been smartly written to keep audiences enjoying the evolution of them. I give the flick 3 stars.

 

Death Squad (DVD) – Rutger Hauer, Darryl Hannah, Stephen Baldwin, Danny Glover, and Michael Madsen and its set in 2046! With a title and cast like this the flick should be movie gold? NOT THIS PILE OF DOG SHIT! Somebody, somewhere overthought this futuristic film that didn’t get a big release and for good reason. Its 2046 and the government has broken down, there is war, Danny Glover has two computers from the late 90s, and zones where radiation has killed millions of people. What it comes down to is a secret mission has Baldwin’s character trying to find an old uplink to a satellite that could change the course of the war. Danny Glover just spends the whole movie in one room yelling at Baldwin. Rutger Hauer is one bad dude in charge of Darryl Hannah’s character and apparently has Michael Madsen on speed dial to go kill people double secretly. Got it? Good! Because it doesn’t make a lick a sense at times especially when Baldwin’s character meets a purple/red painted lady who may be real or may be from radiation poisoning to a person who has been in this infected zone too long without medicine. I love me some Rutger Hauer but someone fucked up royally on this flick as I give it a ½ star.

 

Storage 24 (DVD) – A not much known UK sci-fi/horror flick that of course involves a huge storage facility and a down spacecraft or debris nearby during a couple of friends who are trying to help a couple split up their stuff after a break-up. Soon power and computer outages cause the storage facility to go into lockdown where no one can leave and the storage company is trying to fix it while a soap opera unfolds inside. And… there is a bad ass looking alien chowing down on humans trapped inside. Before you say “I have seen this before”, give this film a chance as the film has great effects in the creature and the death scenes as buckets of blood and goo flow. But also the film keeps it simple and claustrophobic for a lot of the film so it never seems to drag. Horror fans this is a hidden gem worth seeking out and enjoying this creature feature as I give it 3 stars.

 

Lucy (DVD) – Need to waste 90 minutes watching a flick that won’t make you think this science fiction flick starring Scar Jo and Morgan Freeman is the go to film. Scar Jo’s character gets used as a drug mule for a new drug that could kill you or in Lucy’s case unlocks her brain. Lucy knows she could die soon but discovers as more of her brain is able to unlock she is becoming less human and control almost everything around her. But she also wants to pass the knowledge along to Morgan Freeman’s character who is studying the effects of unlocking the brain. The film isn’t bad or great but a fun time to waste 90 minutes and not have to think too much as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Area 51 (DVD) – Another ‘found footage’ film that features three friends who are going to break-in at the Area 51 facility and get proof that aliens exist. I always enjoy these types of movies that involve Area 51 mainly because I find the location interesting just like the Reed character. But Reed is searching it out for a whole different reason as three months ago he was a typical college-aged dude partying with friends and loses a bet where he must sing or rap karaoke. Lights go out and Reed disappears. His two buddies leave the party a few hours later and find a disorientated Reed wondering the highway. Now the past three months he has become obsessed with aliens and Area 51and his personality has completely changed. They find a way to break-in and find a whole lot more inside after being chased by the military. But with the camera falling into the desert and busted again I ask the question “Who found this footage?” I give the film 2 ½ stars not so much for the characters as much for the plot of the film of three people going to great lengths to find aliens in Area 51.

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The Slashening (DVD/Vimeo) – Five girlfriends are having a slumber party and the parents are out of town. Old friends just celebrating friendship as you have one straight out of rehab and another coming off a very bad relationship. This Brandon Bassham directed feature follows the formula of a “Slumber Party Massacre” and “Student Bodies”. As the five friends have boys show up and I learn new phrases like “coke pussy”, someone in a tater sack is slashing their way through dumb pizza dudes. If that wasn’t enough everyone confesses to banging Lucy’s boyfriend and the pizza is three hours late as the girls begin to disappear one by one by the hands of a tater sack killer. What the film lacks in effects more than makes up in talented actors, dialogue, and the filmmaker’s love for horror/comedies. Annum Films and Mr. Bassham get kudos from me for making a smart and hilarious horror/comedy on a shoestring budget! Many are made but very few worth viewing but also owning like this great feature. Picked up Troma and sold on amazon.com I have to give one of the better films of 2015 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Super Fuzz (YouTube/VHS) – Ernest Borgnine has a rookie partner who was presumed dead after a rocket exploded over a remote are the officer was at. But a red powder has given Officer David Speed super powers. Only one problem every time he sees red he loses his super powers. But that doesn’t stop this film being a prototype for the TV show “The Greatest American Hero” and being a staple for us old people in our young days of early 80s HBO. One scene after another has David stopping crime before it stops because of his super powers along with falling out of windows also. The film is a hilarious reminder of what played constantly on the early days of cable and what we all found amusing. If you remember it or never witnessed a man talk to a fish in a movie do yourself a favor and look this up now! I give it 3 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews #359

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Gross Movie Reviews #359

 

By Tim Gross

 

Marley’s Revenge: The Monster Movie (VHS/DVD-R) – A low budget not so fun mess is the best way to describe this oddity. Apparently some dumb rednecks of a coastal town keep track of drug dealers and kill them. The rednecks mistaken two guys for drug dealers, they are actually trying to rescue relatives of the one from their native country… Details are scarce in this flick but what you need to know after a voodoo priest’s wife is killed by rednecks he brings the dead back to life and boring hilarity ensues if that is possible? I give the flick 2 stars.

 

Spasms (DVD) – Peter Fonda plays a parapsychologist who gets wrapped up in some zany snake cult in 1982. The movie doesn’t make a whole lot of sense but don’t let that stop you from witnessing a giant snake killing people on a college campus. And there is snake vision of course always an added bonus feature. I give the weird flick 2 stars.

 

The Boy (Chiller Channel/Theater) – An almost two hour set up of a man and his child living and trying to keep an old motel alive. Not much goes on there and not much business but a slow burn of watching a boy progress into a murderer is your thing? This is your movie. Not great, not horrible, just more disappointing for me as I thought there would be more to it after watching the trailers and Chiller Channel having a good track record. I give it 2 stars as I most likely will never revisit this flick.

 

Willow Creek (DVD) – So apparently Bobcat Goldthwait saw “Blair Witch Project” and decided he could use that movie concept for Bigfoot. Did it work… not really? I was into the couple being excited by trying to go to the original site of the Bigfoot footage that was captured in 1967 and trying to gather their own footage. But you lost me when yinz decided to set up a camera in a tent for 10 to 15 straight minutes pointing to the couple and just having sounds being made. Not giving away the ending to any that is interested but my “Blair Witch” reference most likely already has. It just seemed like another bad extended trailer for a “Paranormal Activity” movie? Bobcat I respect you dude but please go get into another “Police Academy” reunion movie sir. I give this flick 1 star.

 

Killer Party (Vimeo) – A group of filmmakers that go by the name “FuckYeah1990s” have made a short film and using a crowd funding website to possibly make the short into a feature length horror film. A masked skateboarder goes on a murderous rampage in a town where many hate skateboarders, make friends pay for Taco Bell, but they love their ‘Shaq Fu’ video game. I’m in! I laughed my ass off at the slaughter and enjoyed the humor of the short film. It reminded me of a younger Rick Fusselman and DSK-Productions and I could not get enough of those guys as I loved their independent films. So I give this project 3 out of 4 stars and wish the group lots of luck with the feature and hope to see it! More details go to: https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/killer-party-feature-film#/story

 

Atari: Game Over (DVD) – A fun nerdy documentary about what ever happened to the Atari 2600 console and why the game E.T. killed it… supposedly. Not too long ago this story popped up on all the social media sites about where Atari may have dumped all the returned and unbought E.T. games from the early 80s and all this hoopla about how it killed it. Sorry but if you were growing up in the 80s like I did this was interesting. I was an Atari kid and then Nintendo and it did seem like overnight Atari 2600 disappeared. This documentary explains what actually happened and why while documenting some video game nerds going around a desert dumping area digging up garbage looking for the games. Or just finding mercury-laced pigs! Great documentary and even entertaining if you were not a kid of the 80s as I give it 3 stars.

 

My Brother Has Bad Dreams (VHS/DVD-R) – The 1974 film is known to most fans as “Scream Bloody Murder” but don’t get it confused with the 1973 film of the same title which could explain the title change to begin with. But our little weird film is about a young man named Karl who you learn is mentally handicapped. This happened when he was a child and witnessed his father killing his mother. Now Karl tries to pass the time fishing and bathing naked at the lake while his sister tries to figure out bills. Now this isn’t when Karl is having weird dreams that affect him to start talking to a mannequin and calling it his mother in a Norman Bates kind of way! Creepy and weird in that after school 70s TV special kind of way until Karl loses complete touch with reality, snaps, kills his sister Anna and her new boyfriend as he believes it time for him to go on a road trip. The film has one of the more trippy and twisted endings that I have ever seen and not totally know what to make of it but give it credit it was different. I give the film 2 stars.

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Manos The Hands of Fate (Blu-ray) – Well Manos has finally got the special treatment from the fine folks at Synapse Films. Now if it was warranted or not is up for debate as many declare this film to be the “worst film ever made”. I am sure “Troll 2” fans will not agree but that never stopped many horror hosts from making fun of this 1966 cult film for many years on their late night programs. That aside Synapse and company go to great lengths of putting together the most complete package for fans of this very odd cultish movie. By some chance you have never witnessed this wreck, carnage of so-called movie it is about a family getting lost on the backroads of Texas. They finally pull over to a strange cabin to be greeted by an even stranger character named “The caretaker”. There is no phone, no mechanic, and no nothing except the caretaker telling the couple “the master” will be pleased to see them. Weird shit keeps happening outside but never seen and then you have long scenes of Manos’ wives fighting and blaming the caretaker for problems. But if possible once the master becomes a part of the film it just gets weird, a little boring, and not sure exactly what they were trying to do with the film. For me I was never a fan but never said it was horrible because believe me I have seen much worse shit that people call a film. If you are a DVD-extra nerd and enjoy tidbits about weird horror movies like I do then you will be beyond pleased with the package Synapse has put together. And amazed what they have done with the picture quality of the movie itself. Entertaining stuff for a cultish film worth putting on your next shopping list as I give the movie 1 star but the full package 3 out of 4 stars. You can find the Blu-ray at www.synapse-films.com .

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Mosquito (Blu-ray) – Thanks to Synapse Films for digging this low budget 1995 classic up! Alien aircraft crashes in the woods and a mosquito bites a dead alien. Poof! Giant mutated mosquitoes flying around the woods. We are introduced to this by a guy and his girlfriend hitting one on the road and it exploding to pieces. They limp the car to a motel and try to get it fixed meanwhile we are introduced to a bumbling park ranger trying to fog out the skeeters around the park. A dude who studies meteors and is searching the woods for the one that fell the other day. And Gunnar Hansen with a ponytail and two brothers who have missed their exit and now are lost in the middle of the woods. Soon all characters come together after a horrific night of giant mosquitoes killing all the campers in gory fashion. The survivors try to band together and save the world from mutating mosquitoes in this Gary Jones directed low-budget 50s inspired big bug flick. And it doesn’t hurt to Gunnar Hansen slicing and dicing mosquitoes with a big chainsaw! Synapse Films of course does their best in not only cleaning up the original film but giving fans a great documentary on the film and adding in a commentary and deleted scenes. I have always been a fan of this low budget monster bug movie and now seeing it 20 years later on Blu-ray may have improved the entertaining experience that much more as I am thankful for that. I give the movie 3 stars and the Blu-ray package 4 out of 4 stars. You can find the Blu-ray at www.synapse-films.com .

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

And do not forget to order your copy of Gross Movie Reviews: The Wrath of Gross at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-the-wrath-of-gross/paperback/product-21975934.html or pick up a copy at Cinema Wasteland October 2-4, 2015 as Out of Print Dan and myself will have a table there! Go to www.cinemawasteland.com for more details on the convention.

Gross Movie Reviews #358

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Gross Movie Reviews #358

 

By Tim Gross

 

Dark Tower (VHS/DVD-R) – This 1987 snoozer also had a great poster like “Nomads” but also sucked out loud! The only thing going for this flick Michael Moriarty and I will watch anything that fucker shows up in just because… But anyway Mr. Moriarty plays a security adviser of a new building in Barcelona where people keep dying on a regular basis. It gets so bad they bring in a parapsychologist and Kevin McCarthy to perform an exorcism on the place. It seemed long when I watched it and not much happens till the end which isn’t enough to make me send out the 80s movie enthusiasts to look for it. I give the film 1 ½ stars and maybe should stay buried?

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Halloween Hell (DVD/Vimeo) – Some college somethings come upon an evil statue thing that seems left over from a Full Moon flick made in the 2000s. A demon comes out of it and murders all of them. Years pass and it now it resides on set of a new reality Halloween show hosted by Dracula aka Eric Roberts. He brings in young, hot contestants that are supposed to stay or live through the next 24 hours, on Halloween of course, in this room with this evil statue/genie/demon doll thing. Whoever lives wins $100,000! There is buildup with strip poker and conversation until the thing comes to life again and begins slaughtering all who are trapped in the room with it while Dracula and viewers watch. I like the story concept because ever since I seen the film “The Running Man” I knew some of that TV shit they ran in the movie would be real someday cause society today is fucked. Now saying that it is very rare an independent or mainstream film is able to pull it off (Note: “Series 7” most likely pulled it off the best). I give kudos to filmmaker Ed Hunt having the great character actor Eric Roberts in as Dracula. But what turned me off the most from the film maybe the animation of the evil doll/demon/genie thing. I think I rather have seen a Killjoy rip-off or some attempt at creature suit more often than relying on the animation for the demon. But hey it’s a Halloween film and I am sure it will find an audience as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

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Hellbilly (DVD/Vimeo) – Filmmaker Massimilano Cerchi has dug up his independent 2003 release and has unleashed it to the horror masses again. The film is a lean, mean, gruesome tale of a masked machete wielding maniac who is on a murder spree in the countryside. When he isn’t busy jamming to some tunes in his trailer our masked fiend is busy fighting and killing blind people, tattooed nuns, and a stupid asshole with an unplugged chainsaw! No one is safe in this film. I have to hand it to Mr. Cerchi, the film looks like a rough draft and not the final product but made the film entertaining and not boring at all. It’s like Mr. Cerchi had an idea of an independent slasher for the ADD generation? No character development or story to be told… or buildup. Here’s the killer… Here are the victims… Gore!!! Jamming to tunes in the trailer… Credits! The film gets in and out before people have had their second slice of pizza and sometimes that can be a good thing. Hey the Polonia Brothers also worked on the flick. For that I give this flick 2 ½ out of 4 stars. Go here for more information on getting your copy of the film: www.facebook.com/hellbillythemovie?fref=ts

 

The Barrens (DVD) – A father decides it is a good idea to take his family into the woods for some camping to help him bond with his teenage daughter and get her to except the whole family. Soon the father is having problems with other campers telling shitty campfire stories and a boy is hitting on his daughter when she is supposed to be having fun with the family. And there is this issue of him believing the Jersey Devil is out there and following them especially when they decide to leave the campground and go deeper into the woods. As he goes insane and his family fights and pleads with him to calm down bodies begin to pile up and the family finds out answers they or you the viewer are not exactly prepared for. A very good take on the Jersey Devil legend and a great story driven film that makes this lesser known 2012 release worth seeking out on Netflix, On Demand, amazon to add to your collection as I give the film 3 stars.

 

Violent Shit 2: Mother Hold My Hand (VHS/DVD-R) – An independent German gore film about a German dude who is interested in some horrible murders from the 60s, its killer (Karl the Butcher), and its copycats. So the person he is interviewing tells him the real story of the masked killer hacking his victims to pieces and his mother directing his rage. Fun and hokey direct-to-video gorehound stuff for the whole family. I give it 2 stars.

Vensus

Venus Fly Trap (DVD) – Massacre Video digs another independent forgotten gem from 1988 that involves punks, rich people, and perversion (a little bit). Three punks decide to rob a music store but become fascinated with a young rich/yuppie couple coming in and trying to steal stuff also. After some awkward dialogue the punks follow the rich couple to a small party where a lot more awkward dialogue happens, almost rape, drinking, a bad sex scene and then one of the yuppies are watching all on security cams. And that is when the blood and murder happen. It is a weirdo no-budget film that hardcore independent film fans will love to have a part of their collection. Thanks again Louis for finding these gems as I give the film 2 out of 4 stars and you can find more at www.massacrevideo.com .

six fingers

The Legend of Six Fingers (DVD) – Apparently there has been some random animal deaths in a small town recently where it interests two film students Andrew and Neil. They go interviewing the locals playing on the local sasquatch-like legend trying to make a documentary for film class. Once inspired by some of the stories they set out into the woods where they are eventually met with moving bushes, footprints, and an appearance of “Six-fingers”. After the great photos they captured from their first trip they choose to make a second trip thinking they will hit the big time if they can bring back more evidence of the local legend actually existing. Think amateur ghost hunting but for Sasquatch but in this case Six-fingers. I don’t know if you could exactly classify this film in the ‘found footage’ category as no one finds their footage but I can see why some would put it in the that category. But for me the film has that innocent/Boggy Creek feel and it doesn’t linger too long running time wise. I enjoyed the ending that actually fits the plot of the film and thought the cameos of Lynn Lowry and Debbie Rochon only helped the plot and not hinders it. And it never hurts when you can have the talented Gregory Lamberson as a producer. And now thanks to Camp Motion Pictures/Bloody Earth Films you can the DVD loaded with extras as I give the movie 2 ½ out 4 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

And do not forget to order your copy of Gross Movie Reviews: The Wrath of Gross at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-the-wrath-of-gross/paperback/product-21975934.html or pick up a copy at Cinema Wasteland October 2-4, 2015 as Out of Print Dan and myself will have a table there! Go to www.cinemawasteland.com for more details on the convention.

 

Gross Movie Reviews #356

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Gross Movie Reviews #356

 

By Tim Gross

 Ghost%20Club%20Poster%20SM

The Ghost Club: Spirits Never Die (DVD/Vimeo) – The lower budget film stars William Forsythe as the caretaker of a haunted mansion (The Wilkensen Mansion) that has over a hundred years of hauntings. He has opened it up for some paranormal experts who have a TV show and are always on the prowl to investigate the next haunted place. Yes, it is influenced by “Ghost Hunters” and “Ghost Adventures” shows but what makes this flick a little different and interesting is the group of experts is not exactly sure they believe in ghosts. But their perspective changes quickly when the group begins to find actual proof of spirits. But the spirits are not happy they are there and begin to terrorize the group. Soon one or more members go missing, get possessed, and even get the shit beat out of them. Usually I am all about taking a huge steamy poo on these flicks because most are useless. But director Hank Blumenthal makes great use of William Forsythe and thrives with the story at hand where most fail! For that I give this flick 3 out of 4 stars. You find out more about the film at: http://www.michaelmailerfilms.com and watch it on Amazon Prime.

Bigfoot

Bigfoot the Movie (DVD) – This low budget flick is from filmmaker Jared Show who casts his Sasquatch film with Pittsburgh celebrities and “Pittsburgh Dad” himself Kurt Wootton. Kurt sets aside the character he is famous for to play one of the three main characters Chuck. The story centers around two of Ellwood City’s finest idiots Chuck and Dale who think they seen Bigfoot kill their friend. Eventually they involve the third main character Burl, an exterminator; to help them kill Sasquatch as no one in the small town believes them. While Bigfoot keeps decapitating the locals the only ones that seem to believe its Sasquatch is Chuck, Dale, and Burl as word has gotten out it is a bear or so it seems. Someone doesn’t want the truth to get out but the ‘three stooges’ want the creature dead. The film has quite a few laughs in it, has a great Burt Reynolds-style bar fight, and an amazing creature suit that makes the film well worth the watch no matter what your opinion is. The one thing that holds the film back is the ATV montage and the falling in love angle between Dale and the cute bartender about an hour in which stalls the laughs and the film in its tracks. But don’t let that stop you from enjoying a funny independent creature flick and one of the best Sasquatch costumes I have ever seen. I give the film 2 ½ out of 4 stars and can be found at www.jspictures.com or you can also check out www.bigfootthemovie.com .

 

Terminator: Genisys (Theater) – Oh the brilliant and horrible mess this film is… I love it in all its horrible mess of glory. Pretty much this time around when you watch the film you are asked to forget everything you know from past films… literally. As if you try to piece it all together it will make your head hurt. But this time around when Reese goes back to 1984 he is the one being saved by Sarah Connor and her bodyguard Arnold the Terminator who was sent back several years before that. It took a few movies but apparently Skynet got smarter (hahaha) and sent a Terminator back in time to kill Sarah Connor when she was like 8 years old… Huh? Exactly, so fuck it! You wanna see old ass Arnold fuck a lot of shit up and still be a bad ass Terminator? Bingo! You got it but remember don’t do hard drugs or drink too much while watching or you might think its 2017 and Skynet renamed itself. I give the mess 2 ½ stars.

 

Monkey Boy (VHS) – This British killer monkey movie had so much potential as it begins with a monkey experiment gone wrong that kills several people at The Jenner Clinic. But then it does its best to bore you to death or put you to asleep immediately as ‘Monkey Boy’ kills some kids’ parents in the countryside to play Crazy Eights with them. Go figure… I give it ½ a star.

 

Nomads (VHS/DVD-R) – Pierce Brosnan is anthropologist that has finally come back home from traveling all over the world but apparently some weird tribe spirits have followed him home. And now they embody some street punks that happen to be Adam Ant and Mary Woronov who haunt Pierce for most of the movie if you are able to follow this weirdo flick. The evil spirits are called Nomads in this non-exciting horror flick. I give the film 1 star.

 

The Believers (DVD) – This 1987 voodoo film has Martin Sheen and his kid watching his wife get electrocuted in the first five minutes of the film. It forces Martin Sheen to move across the United States to take up his practice as a doctor for cops who recently had to kill someone on duty. While Martin isn’t banging the holly hell out of his landlady his kid has been marked for sacrifice by some weird dude that was brought into the US to kill first borns so their fathers get rich, powerful, and live longer. The material the film is based on is a lot more interesting than the film itself but the film does have its moments. I give the flick 2 stars.

Blood

Blood on the Reel: The Guts behind Indie Horror (Google/DVD) – This latest project from Johnny Daggers is a documentary of sorts that shares interviews, stories, and trailers of many independent filmmakers. Mr. Daggers interviews too many to count filmmakers and film critics to tell their stories about how they got started, what influenced them, and their passion for the business. It takes you inside and also supports what a lot of these men and women do not think as a hobby as much of a dream come true and will do anything to keep making it a reality. Filmmakers such as Massimilano Cerchi, Glen Coburn, Mike O’Mahony, Craig Everett Earl give you the viewer, independent film enthusiast an inside look like never before. Of course Mr. Daggers makes himself the center of attention because it’s his project but he does a superb job of getting information out of these filmmakers that may have never been heard by a mainstream viewer. The film is an eye-opening experience even for an independent movie viewing vet like myself and gets me excited to see such a project feature so many great filmmakers the world has yet to know. I give Mr. Daggers’ well-made and well-cared for project 3 ½ out of 4 stars. You can find out more about the film at: www.sglentertainment.com and www.sglmoviestore.com

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

And do not forget to order your copy of Gross Movie Reviews: The Wrath of Gross at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-the-wrath-of-gross/paperback/product-21975934.html or pick up a copy at Cinema Wasteland October 2-4, 2015 as Out of Print Dan and myself will have a table there! Go to www.cinemawasteland.com for more details on the convention.

Gross Movie Reviews #353

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Gross Movie Reviews #353

 

By Tim Gross

 

Stone Cold (DVD) – A very underrated action flick from the early 90s starring none other than Brain Bosworth as Officer Hough who goes undercover for the FBI. Hough’s undercover name is John Stone and the reason the FBI was interested in the Boz is he gets the job done. But this gig might be too much as he must get tight with a murderous biker gang lead by the man, the myth, the legend Lance Henriksen and his insane cohort William Forsythe! He gets in by going to kill a traitor of the gang. Boz actually deports the guy and uses him for information but comes back to haunt him later in the film. A lot of fun B-movie action with a couple A-list actors that I believe has gotten better with age. So do yourself a favor if you are action movie fan and rewatch this flick as I give 3 stars and then after that watch the 30 for 30 special on ‘The Boz’ and it puts a lot of things in focus if you were ever a fan of ‘The Boz’?

 

Aftermath (DVD) – Edward Furlong and Monica Keena star in what I claim is a remake of the 80s TV movie “The Day After”. As people are effected by the nuclear bombs that have been dropped on US soil one day. Trying to ride it out in a basement eventually they are driven out by crazed survivors of the devastation. Sad, depressing, and a little realistic like “The Day After” but well worth the watch if you enjoy post-apocalyptic flicks? I give the depressing look at what may happen someday 3 stars.

 

The Dead 2: India (DVD) – The zombie saga continues as apparently the sickness has reached the slums of a major city in India and the story centers around an American engineer and his Indian girlfriend. Just finding out she is pregnant he is trying to make his way to her home to help her and her family to escape the outbreak. Not as intriguing as the first film but not as boring either but my main issue is they seem to mail in on the effects. Like or not the first film had some amazing effects work. I watched it mainly because it is a sequel but I wouldn’t make it a point to go out of your way to see it as I give it 2 stars.

 

Hell Baby (DVD) – A hilarious flick about a couple who buy a house that happens to be haunted, has Key from the Key & Peele show living in the duct work, and was a steal because it was in a bad neighborhood. Soon the couple realize that the baby that is coming a spawn from hell and they need an exorcism. Hilarity ensues as it does make fun of several recent films but possibly the best part of the film is Key’s character as he just pops up everywhere in the house in almost every scene and has most of the great lines. I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Gallowwalkers (DVD) – I personally was hoping Wesley Snipes first horror movie in sometime would may be a “Blade” sequel but instead was this oddity of a bad film. Wesley Snipes’ character murders the gang that rape his woman, then they come back to life killing across the old west. And now Snipes is hunting them down again. Doesn’t make a ton of sense and kinda boring but couldn’t help myself wanting to see Wesley Snipes in another horror flick. I am disappointed and must give the film 1 star.

 

Sharks’ Treasure (DVD) – A 1975 film most likely trying to cash in on the “Jaws” fame with four dudes (one of them Yaphet Kotto) going to seek a sure thing in treasure off a small island. Once found and celebrating they are boarded by escape convicts that are looking for a boat to take them to freedom. Now the four must decide do they want to live or die trying to keep the treasure they have found. Not the most exciting shark film but you do get to see Yaphet Kotto fight a shark and that’s worth 2 stars alone.

 

Rites of Spring (DVD) – For the past years in this small community in Mississippi, young women of disappeared around the first day of spring. Now kidnappers of rich dude’s kid get involved by accident when a girl screaming bloody murder runs through the kidnapping gone bad and they all must deal with some creature that decapitates people. Apparently a farmer uses this creature for an early harvest every year and it has been a part of the family throughout generations. Great looking box art, but disappointing attempt at a scarecrow slasher type of horror film. There was nothing very memorable about the film as I give it 1 ½ stars.

call-girl-of-cthulhu

Call Girl of Cthulhu (Blu-ray/DVD) – First, great title for an independent horror film. Second, it’s been picked up by Camp Motion Pictures so you the horror fan including myself are going to be in for a treat. The story begins with a man named Carter Wilcox, who is trying to explain the events that have happened recently while he sits in front of a detective that wants answers. Mr. Wilcox is an artist but he is a lonely artist with a noisy roommate named Erika. Carter has a chance meeting with an escort named Riley who Wilcox asks to paint her. They become friendly and boom ‘The Great Old Ones’ are in town looking for a woman with a Cthulhu birthmark on her ass (Riley). Going through all the escorts in town they finally know its Riley. Once captured, she becomes the vessel for the legendary evil creature and breaks off her relationship with Wilcox. But meanwhile Wilcox just got a gig copying an old weird book. Then we got death by dildo and plastic fan, a really cool tongue cutting scene, heads exploding, zombie whores, crazy gore and goo flying everywhere, Riley turns into really weird and awful looking creature that resembles Chet from “Weird Science”, and it’s all happening at the ‘Church of Starry Wisdom’. First half of the film is a lot of tits and ass but once the film progresses into the Cthulhu mythology of how ‘The Great Old Ones’ are trying to bring Cthulhu into the world the film gets really interesting and entertaining. With the title it has it is expected to have some nude scenes but I was more impressed with not only the creature and cool make-up effects but the awesome and entertaining storyline plus the actors that played Riley, Carter, and Erika did a wonderful job. Also the Blu-ray combo pack has one of the best extras I have come across this year and it’s called: “My 5-year old niece explains Cthulhu”. It is so cute and so freaking hilarious! I have to give this entertaining independent horror/comedy 3 ½ out of 4 stars. Do yourself a favor and order a copy now at: www.alternativecinema.com .

 

Non-stop (DVD) – Liam Neeson proves this flick is no “Passenger 57” or “Executive Decision” and makes no sense why he would do this uninteresting action flick over an “A-team” sequel. Found it boring at times, skip this one folks and go watch “Run All Night” or “Taken” again as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

And do not forget to order your copy of Gross Movie Reviews: The Wrath of Gross at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-the-wrath-of-gross/paperback/product-21975934.html or pick up a copy at Horror Realm July 24-26th, 2015 as Out of Print Dan and myself will have a table there! Go to www.horrorrealmcon.com for more details on the convention.

One reason you should come to Horror Realm…?

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The celebrity list looks great, events look fun, awesome vendors as usual, plus Tim Gross will be there with Out of Print Dan selling the new book “Gross Movie Reviews: The Wrath of Gross” , copies of Jagoff Massacre, and some other cool goodies from OOPD! But what if you had to pick one thing or reason you should come to Horror Realm because there is nothing like it around the state of Pa?

HR JUly 2015

For me it would be the man, the myth, the Frito-Pie eating, the T-shirt making machine, the legend… Joe Garcia!!!

Why? This is why:

 

http://www.fastcustomshirts.com/spookies-t-shirt/

Spookies

 

http://www.fastcustomshirts.com/woodchipper-massacre-t-shirt/

woodchipper

 

http://www.fastcustomshirts.com/cannibal-campout-t-shirt/

Cannibal

 

http://www.fastcustomshirts.com/split-second-t-shirt/

Split_Second_sm__14999_1423261749_1280_1280

http://www.fastcustomshirts.com/gross-movie-reviews-t-shirt/

GMR shirtOf course you gotta get one of those…

http://www.fastcustomshirts.com/jagoff-massacre-t-shirt/

Jagoff%252520Massacre%252520sm__66775_1415211719_1280_1280

But Mr. Joe Garcia has hundreds of selections at his website:

www.fastcustomshirts.com

Or just check out what he is making next at his facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/fastcustomshirts?fref=ts

And Fast Custom Shirts and the cool T-shirt Joe will be setting up at the fine convention of Horror Realm on July 24-26th, 2015! Get your tickets now for this great event or visit their page for more details: http://www.horrorrealmcon.com

 

Gross Movie Reviews #350

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Gross Movie Reviews #350

 

By Tim Gross

 

What We Do in The Shadows (DVD/On Demand) – Loving the horror flicks coming out of New Zealand as they are just absolutely amazing over the past year! This isn’t a horror movie as its more of a documentary/mockumentary about a camera crew given access to a flat housing four vampires in 2012… and crucifixes! The camera crew is given full access to film everything of this secret society where vampires, werewolves, zombies, all exist and living among us in a major city in New Zealand and always have. But the crew is there to record the everyday simple stuff leading up to an event called “The Unholy Masquerade” where all the monsters or creatures of the night get together for a night of partying. And no humans are allowed! It’s a well-produced monster reality show of the four vampires living together, telling their stories, and how they came to be until now. While the camera crew is there they mistakenly make another vampire who introduces them to his human friend Stewart who in return introduces the vampires to cell phones, internet, and friendship. Another flick I feel many people will have on their list of best movies for 2015 as I will. I literally busted out laughing more than a few times while watching. Great stuff! I give it 4 stars, at first I was only going to give it 3 ½ stars but I rewatch it and laughed harder.

 

Virtuosity (DVD/YouTube) – Its 1995, it’s another movie about virtual reality coming to life, and it stars Mr. Denzel Washington. Biggest difference between this and many other movies that were a product of that concept at the time weren’t very good in the first place but if anything this flick may have gotten better with age as I am the first to admit I did not like this film when it was first released. Oh, did I mention Russell Crowe is the villain, William Forsythe, Traci Lords, Kelly Lynch are in the film. The film centers on virtual reality of course or ‘LETAC’ to be precise as they have come up with a program called “Sid 6.7” aka artificial intelligence. He is to be shut down after killing a prisoner during a simulation for police training. When Sid 6.7 convinces his master to produce him in the real world, real people begin to die and it’s up to another convict Parker (a convict also) to go catch him. It is a little 1995ish but great sci-fi fun as you can see a young Russell Crowe before he beats up hotel telephones and Denzel realize he can be an action star? I give it 3 stars.

 

Gator Bait (VHS/DVD-R) – Is there such a thing as redneck-exploitation? Well I think I found it in this 1974 film that stars the absolutely stunning Claudia Jennings who died at 29 only a few years after this film’s release as a wild child of the back swamps of Louisiana. Claudia aka Desiree Thibodeau takes care of her younger sister and brother in the swamps and is pretty much left alone by local authorities. But there is stories of her cutting a man’s balls off because of him trying to bump uglies with the young lady and all she wants to do is be left alone to take care of her kin! Once she escapes the antics of the sheriff’s son and his friend Ben Bracken that he accidentally shoots when Desiree throws snakes in their boat a hunting party is formed to go bring her in and pay for what she did even though it isn’t her fault someone was shot. The hunting party consists of the Bracken family and the sheriff and his son. They tell stories of the legendary Thibodeau family and how they have lived in deep dark swamps poaching gators for many years. But after Desiree’s sister is shot in the vagina and killed Desiree thirsts for revenge hardcore style as she leads the hunting party deeper in the woods and becomes their worst nightmare. Never seen it until and think it’s an amazing 70s film! I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Gator Bait 2: Cajun Justice (DVD/DVD-R) – A sequel made fourteen years later made by the Sebastian couple who directed and wrote the first film put their daughter in the lead role of this mostly boring and really useless film unless you are into incest… kind of? Angelique and Big T get married. Big T just happens to be the boy, now a man, from the first film who didn’t talk because he didn’t have a tongue but now is perfectly fine as he bangs the bejesus out of the Sebastian’s daughter on film several times. And before some crazy redneck dudes come by to watch her bathe, kidnap her, rape her, she escapes, fuck people up, end of movie. But that is the problem Angelique aka Sebastian’s daughter is a beautiful redhead… Awesome! But remember her parents are filming her rolling in the hay several times with Big T which is about 70% of the film. Weird! Incest weird… Like weirder than the Mr. Dario Argento rumors or stories horror fans have heard about with Asia Argento, oh yeah I went there. The movie is bad but takes a whole other weird reason to watch it when you know Jan Sebastian’s aka Angelique is given direction by her parents: Okay show more boobs… Good now you will be topless for 65% of the film and we will film the character Big T fake banging you in the sack! WEIRD SHIT PEOPLE?  Maybe this is the reason Mr. Quast and Mr. Poling believe I will watch anything and the human shield for bad movies? Anyway I give it 1 ½ stars, why… She’s a redhead, I thought that was simple.

 

Maggie (OnDemand) – Arnold Schwarzenegger and zombies shouldn’t be in the same sentence unless we are talking about my reimagining of “I Am Legend aka Last Man on Earth aka Omega Man”… Apparently I was wrong as I sat down to watch this amazing performance from crazy old ass Arnold as a farmer in the Midwest who is trying to protect his family from a virus that turns people into zombies and possibly came from the crops that are now being burned by everyone. His daughter Maggie runs away to the big city to see the devastation and is bitten. Arnold brings her home from the hospital to try and live comfortably before she turns. This isn’t your typical balls to the walls bloodbath of zombies as the film is more about the story of love between father and daughter and the progression of this particular zombie virus. You do not immediately turn into a flesh-eater it takes several weeks and there is a quarantine set up. It’s more of humanity still trying to control the apocalypse before it all goes to shit! Let me say also Abigail Breslin as Maggie was wonderful. There is maybe four zombies and a few ounces of blood throughout which sets this film far apart from your usual zombie fare but a must watch for all horror fans as Arnold may be doing some of his best work of his career right now! I give this cool zombie/end of the world flick 3 ½ stars.

Dont-Despair-poster

Don’t Despair (You Tube) – A sixteen minute short film from a filmmaker named Alfred Giancarli. Never heard of him but glad I do now. Alfred directs a fun little masterpiece about a famous serial killer… of sorts? Two collectors who meet to exchange a piece of history like most collectors. But this is different, the man and woman or Rachel and William are people who collect items of serial killers but this magazine William brings to exchange has an extra added happiness for Rachel as she can absolutely feel the thoughts and feelings of her favorite serial killer. And it is very apparent she feels the same connection now after talking for several minutes with William. Because of this connection Rachel has a special surprise for William and without me giving too much of the short film away I will allow you to go watch it yourself:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfOnRpmHbSI . But this one of the best short films I have had the pleasure seeing. Alfred gave great direction and Erin Etheridge and Kevin Reed were perfect for the roles of the two main actors. After watching it a second time I believe Mr. Giancarli is smart enough to understand this concept cannot be stretch to a full feature as it might kill the magic captured in the short film and some things should be just left alone as you move on to new and different projects. I give it 4 out of 4 stars and horror fans give yourself a present today and go watch this short film.

 

Kung Fury (YouTube) – There is a bad VHS tape that has horrible tracking and has a movie on it called, “Kung Fury”. A crazy mixture of nerd’em, the 80s, ninjas, and elements of the movies “Manborg” and “Iron Sky” and you have this crazy mix of a 30 minute computer animated film that has Hitler time traveling! It is one of those “WTF did I watch but I like it” films. It is set in Miami, 1985 where a cop named Kung Fury was hit by lightning and bitten by a cobra at the same time after his partner was sliced and diced. Now he has new super Kung Fu powers of some ancient monks. He stops an out of control video arcade machine that is giving people the finger and killing them only to ridiculed for all the damage done to the city. Seconds after Hitler arrives and kills all the cops through the phone and Kung Fury must travel with help of ‘Hackerman’ to stop Hitler. Brilliant and thank you David Sandberg (Any chance you related to famous Chicago Cubs second baseman Ryan Sandberg?) as I give the 30 minute film 4 stars.

 

Cheap Thrills (DVD) – This was an oddity sent my way by Out of Print Dan who said I needed to watch it. A pretty dark film about two friends who haven’t seen each other in five years and meet in a dive bar talking about all their bad luck of recent times. They meet a married couple who are having a good time and start making stupid bets like “who will drink the whiskey faster?” Soon the two longtime friends find themselves wrapped up in this twisted fantasy of free money and over the top bets. Everything from cutting off a pinky for $15,000 to banging the dude’s wife for $4500 as it just spirals out of control in a night of craziness. I give the film 3 stars and did I mention Trent Haaga was one of the writers on the flick.

 

The Abominable Dr. Phibes (DVD) – Oh the beauty this film is as it stars Vincent Price in one of his best roles as a crazy, over the top, undead doctor who seeks revenge against the doctor and his assistants who killed his wife several years ago. When people start showing up dead from bats, snakes, and all kinds of crazy things, Scotland Yard begins to investigate all the doctors past patients but is it too late for them to stop the reign of terror that Dr. Phibes spreads across London?  This is one of those films that don’t make total sense but you don’t care as horror fans just sit back and enjoy Vincent Price having fun and total weirdness of the film. I give the film 4 stars.

 

Dr. Phibes Rises Again (DVD) – Three years has past and Dr. Phibes has risen from the grave only to find his home in shambles and his map to immortality gone. This map is the key for his wife to be restored to life again as he is still protecting her. Soon people die mysteriously again in London but a strange death of a man dead in a life size Gin bottle sends Scotland Yard to Egypt where they want to capture Dr. Phibes before he spreads his reign of terror again. It’s weird; it’s the 70s, its Vincent Price playing an Organ, why wouldn’t you want to watch this sequel as I give it 3 stars.

 

Cabin by the Lake (DVD) – Judd Nelson in one of his best roles outside of “The Breakfast Club” where the character Stanley who is a writer and he is a serial killer. Stanley is working on a new script for a film that is supposed to be going into production but is still trying to decide how to flesh it out and end it. Stanley is a serial killer who not only kills his victims underwater but also sets them up in his garden where he tends to them daily until one gets away. And with the help of a special effects couple and the local police they try to set up Stanley so he can be captured. I believe this flick premiered on the USA network in 2000 before being released on DVD. Don’t forget to check out Michael Weatherly as the deputy before he became an N.C.I.S. agent on the long running popular NCIS show. I give the film 3 stars.

 

Return to Cabin by the Lake (DVD) – The sequel was released a year later but takes place a couple years later as a film crew is trying to film the story of Stanley and his “Garden of Flesh”. Stanley survives the first film and returns killing his way onto the set of the movie of his life as a second-unit director where he is trying to have the story told correctly. The movie centers more on more of his obsession as a writer is trying to get into Stanley’s head even he is believed dead to make the movie the way it should be. Bodies pile up and Judd Nelson is still pretty good as Stanley the serial killer but the sequel loses its luster the original had as I give it 2 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

And do not forget to order your copy of Gross Movie Reviews: The Wrath of Gross at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-the-wrath-of-gross/paperback/product-21975934.html or pick up a copy at Horror Realm July 24-26th, 2015 as Out of Print Dan and myself will have a table there! Go to www.horrorrealmcon.com for more details on the convention.