Gross Movie Reviews #455

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Gross Movie Reviews #455

 

Treevenge (YouTube) – A most beautiful and twisted Christmas tale about what a Christmas tree’s point of view during the holiday season. They wait for the right time to slaughter and torture humans… and I love it. This short film is perfect as I give it 4 stars all the way!

 

Running Scared (DVD) – An under radar type of film that stars Paul Walker in 2006 as low man on the totem pole mob crony. He is asked to get rid of a gun from a drug deal gone badly but the neighbor kid finds it and uses it to shoot his abusive stepfather. Things spiral quickly out of control as Paul Walker’s character Joey has to find the kid quickly or Joey and his family could disappear. If you are a fan of mob movies this is worth checking out especially for the twist at the end as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Johnny Gruesome (On Demand) – This independent flick is from filmmaker and author Gregory Lamberson. The story is from Greg’s book of the same name where Johnny is the typical head banging high school student. One night Johnny and his three friends are out driving and partying. Johnny begins driving faster and the friends worry. So Johnny is stopped and accidently killed so the three friends that were in the car make a pact to keep it secret as Johnny wasn’t gonna be missed. Shortly after the funeral Johnny’s restless undead body rises from the grave and begins murdering people at the high school as he wants revenge. Movies and books I have absolutely loved everything Mr. Lamberson has done… but this movie was a big miss for me. The trailer looks great and I like the concept of the Johnny Gruesome character but on film it never translates into success like a “Killer Rack” or “Dry Bones” to name a couple recent projects. I really wanted to love this film but it failed me as I have to give it 2 out of 4 stars.

 

Dead or Alive (DVD) – Takashi Miike makes a bat shit crazy film about a cop who takes on the Japanese mafia! You will think you have watched everything until you sit down and watch this flick as I give it 2 stars.

 

The Lawless Land (VHS/YouTube) – If it’s the 80s, foreign, and post-apocalyptic of Roger Corman produced it. A mid -80s flick that stars Amanda Peterson and Jsu Garcia as a young couple, Falco and Diana who are in love and from different sides of the track. They run off together and get married because Diana’s father disapproves and has Falco arrested shortly after. But Diana is in hiding and her father hires a merc to track her down. Falco breaks out of prison and tries to reach her before he does. Think of it as a love story in the wasteland. Needed more Patrick Swayze and his sword from “Steel Dawn”. I give the film 1 ½ stars.

All Through the House (DVD) – A low budget and first full feature from Todd Nunes that picked up some steam a couple years ago after hitting the horror festival circuit. The film has two storylines going: the first is, Rachel has come back home and wants to hang with friends but also help Mrs. Garrett the neighbor to finish decorating for the holiday. Second, is the masked Santa that is going from house to house slaughtering unsuspecting victims? Things seem to be your normal slasher flick until we learn Mrs. Garrett is the female version of Joe Spinell from “Maniac” and the killer enjoys hacking dude’s penises off. (They explain why at the end). This will sound awesome when reading about it but it has many flaws that I think hold the film back from being brilliant. Outside of Nunes’ sister as the lead actor and Mrs. Spinell the acting is horrid and that is being nice. And I believe if some things in the film happen in a little different order I believe we are talking about this film with the likes of “Black Christmas” and “Silent Night Deadly Night”. I give the movie 2 stars.

 

Terrified (Shudder) – A crazy paranormal horror film produced in Argentina where something lives in the darkness of a couple houses close together. Something monstrous but really cannot be explained. Things get weirder as the young boy dies and rises from the grave sitting at a table with its cereal and milk freaking everybody out. An older cop sees this and believes something supernatural is happening. The cop brings in a couple paranormal investigators and they find something that lives in the darkness that is completely unknown and fascinating. Things go horribly wrong and everyone dies and it’s awesome! I give it 3 stars.

 

Hereditary (DVD) – I want my 127 minutes of life back that I wasted watching this pile of elephant dung! A weird family with secrets where grandma was a witch and worshipped an eighth demon from the left wing of hell and a young girl gets decapitated by a telephone pole. Or rich white people with rich white people problems in this very boring film about a demon cult. The only highlight was me laughing 60 seconds straight when the little girl’s head got smacked off! I give it crap because it is crap, it was crap, and always will be crap!

 

Ninja Busters (VHS) – Holy fucking Rutger Hauer where was this B-movie hiding at? Two guys that are complete bums: one claims to Bruce Lee’s teacher and the other to be a student of Bruce Lee. But the two losers Bernie and Chic keep getting their asses beat until they stop by a martial arts studio to check out the women. They are convinced to join and after a couple years of training and hijinks they are martial arts masters. These so-called masters get themselves wrapped up with a mob boss and his hired ninjas that end the film in an ongoing twenty minute battle that even takes place in a nightclub. Supposedly ninjas don’t go to nightclubs… boy they were wrong. Think a buddy cop movie with ninjas and bad acting as I give it 2 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Grossfest 2 is coming… July 20, 2019, check our Grossfest Facebook page and www.grossfest.com for details and upcoming guests. #grossfest #grossfest2019

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Gross Movie Reviews #358

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Gross Movie Reviews #358

 

By Tim Gross

 

Dark Tower (VHS/DVD-R) – This 1987 snoozer also had a great poster like “Nomads” but also sucked out loud! The only thing going for this flick Michael Moriarty and I will watch anything that fucker shows up in just because… But anyway Mr. Moriarty plays a security adviser of a new building in Barcelona where people keep dying on a regular basis. It gets so bad they bring in a parapsychologist and Kevin McCarthy to perform an exorcism on the place. It seemed long when I watched it and not much happens till the end which isn’t enough to make me send out the 80s movie enthusiasts to look for it. I give the film 1 ½ stars and maybe should stay buried?

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Halloween Hell (DVD/Vimeo) – Some college somethings come upon an evil statue thing that seems left over from a Full Moon flick made in the 2000s. A demon comes out of it and murders all of them. Years pass and it now it resides on set of a new reality Halloween show hosted by Dracula aka Eric Roberts. He brings in young, hot contestants that are supposed to stay or live through the next 24 hours, on Halloween of course, in this room with this evil statue/genie/demon doll thing. Whoever lives wins $100,000! There is buildup with strip poker and conversation until the thing comes to life again and begins slaughtering all who are trapped in the room with it while Dracula and viewers watch. I like the story concept because ever since I seen the film “The Running Man” I knew some of that TV shit they ran in the movie would be real someday cause society today is fucked. Now saying that it is very rare an independent or mainstream film is able to pull it off (Note: “Series 7” most likely pulled it off the best). I give kudos to filmmaker Ed Hunt having the great character actor Eric Roberts in as Dracula. But what turned me off the most from the film maybe the animation of the evil doll/demon/genie thing. I think I rather have seen a Killjoy rip-off or some attempt at creature suit more often than relying on the animation for the demon. But hey it’s a Halloween film and I am sure it will find an audience as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

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Hellbilly (DVD/Vimeo) – Filmmaker Massimilano Cerchi has dug up his independent 2003 release and has unleashed it to the horror masses again. The film is a lean, mean, gruesome tale of a masked machete wielding maniac who is on a murder spree in the countryside. When he isn’t busy jamming to some tunes in his trailer our masked fiend is busy fighting and killing blind people, tattooed nuns, and a stupid asshole with an unplugged chainsaw! No one is safe in this film. I have to hand it to Mr. Cerchi, the film looks like a rough draft and not the final product but made the film entertaining and not boring at all. It’s like Mr. Cerchi had an idea of an independent slasher for the ADD generation? No character development or story to be told… or buildup. Here’s the killer… Here are the victims… Gore!!! Jamming to tunes in the trailer… Credits! The film gets in and out before people have had their second slice of pizza and sometimes that can be a good thing. Hey the Polonia Brothers also worked on the flick. For that I give this flick 2 ½ out of 4 stars. Go here for more information on getting your copy of the film: www.facebook.com/hellbillythemovie?fref=ts

 

The Barrens (DVD) – A father decides it is a good idea to take his family into the woods for some camping to help him bond with his teenage daughter and get her to except the whole family. Soon the father is having problems with other campers telling shitty campfire stories and a boy is hitting on his daughter when she is supposed to be having fun with the family. And there is this issue of him believing the Jersey Devil is out there and following them especially when they decide to leave the campground and go deeper into the woods. As he goes insane and his family fights and pleads with him to calm down bodies begin to pile up and the family finds out answers they or you the viewer are not exactly prepared for. A very good take on the Jersey Devil legend and a great story driven film that makes this lesser known 2012 release worth seeking out on Netflix, On Demand, amazon to add to your collection as I give the film 3 stars.

 

Violent Shit 2: Mother Hold My Hand (VHS/DVD-R) – An independent German gore film about a German dude who is interested in some horrible murders from the 60s, its killer (Karl the Butcher), and its copycats. So the person he is interviewing tells him the real story of the masked killer hacking his victims to pieces and his mother directing his rage. Fun and hokey direct-to-video gorehound stuff for the whole family. I give it 2 stars.

Vensus

Venus Fly Trap (DVD) – Massacre Video digs another independent forgotten gem from 1988 that involves punks, rich people, and perversion (a little bit). Three punks decide to rob a music store but become fascinated with a young rich/yuppie couple coming in and trying to steal stuff also. After some awkward dialogue the punks follow the rich couple to a small party where a lot more awkward dialogue happens, almost rape, drinking, a bad sex scene and then one of the yuppies are watching all on security cams. And that is when the blood and murder happen. It is a weirdo no-budget film that hardcore independent film fans will love to have a part of their collection. Thanks again Louis for finding these gems as I give the film 2 out of 4 stars and you can find more at www.massacrevideo.com .

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The Legend of Six Fingers (DVD) – Apparently there has been some random animal deaths in a small town recently where it interests two film students Andrew and Neil. They go interviewing the locals playing on the local sasquatch-like legend trying to make a documentary for film class. Once inspired by some of the stories they set out into the woods where they are eventually met with moving bushes, footprints, and an appearance of “Six-fingers”. After the great photos they captured from their first trip they choose to make a second trip thinking they will hit the big time if they can bring back more evidence of the local legend actually existing. Think amateur ghost hunting but for Sasquatch but in this case Six-fingers. I don’t know if you could exactly classify this film in the ‘found footage’ category as no one finds their footage but I can see why some would put it in the that category. But for me the film has that innocent/Boggy Creek feel and it doesn’t linger too long running time wise. I enjoyed the ending that actually fits the plot of the film and thought the cameos of Lynn Lowry and Debbie Rochon only helped the plot and not hinders it. And it never hurts when you can have the talented Gregory Lamberson as a producer. And now thanks to Camp Motion Pictures/Bloody Earth Films you can the DVD loaded with extras as I give the movie 2 ½ out 4 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

And do not forget to order your copy of Gross Movie Reviews: The Wrath of Gross at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-the-wrath-of-gross/paperback/product-21975934.html or pick up a copy at Cinema Wasteland October 2-4, 2015 as Out of Print Dan and myself will have a table there! Go to www.cinemawasteland.com for more details on the convention.

 

Gross Movie Reviews #323

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Gross Movie Reviews #323

 

By Tim Gross

 

Syndrome (YouTube/DVD) – A short independent film written and directed by a cool young filmmaker Tim Novotny and it stars filmmaker Jim Roberts as the lead character (Nate). Nate is back from the war, depressed, crippled, you get the drift. Nate’s world is over but you as the viewer must decide is he dreaming? Already dead? Or is he a ghost now watching from afar? A cool short film that can make you think as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Kids

Kids Get Dead 2: The Kids Get Deader (Vimeo/DVD) – You know me I will watch sequels… Especially when I haven’t seen the first film! But Darkstar Entertainment has just released Michael Hall’s independent slasher sequel. Casey survived the first film and suffers like most “survivor girl” syndrome. She wants answers why? Who was trying to kill her and friends? And so on… But makes this slasher different is Casey learns of author Charles Carver. An author whose books that he writes comes true just like what happen to her before so Casey goes looking for Mr. Carver for answers. Soon the masked killer is back on his killing spree again and Casey soon finds herself with more questions than answers and is unsure if Carver’s killer can be killed? I have to give it to filmmaker Michael Hall intentional or not the film has a little “In the Mouth of Madness”, a little “Wes Craven’s New Nightmare”, and a dash of a supernatural horror film that adds up to not being just your typical straight up slasher flick. I enjoyed the little twist, the gore looked cool, the usual slasher film amount of boobs make this an interesting watch for slasher fans as I give the flick 2 ½ out of 4 stars. You can find out more about it at www.darkstarentertainment.net .

 

Dragonslayer (DVD) – Its 1981 and it’s like a live action version of a Dungeons and Dragons story has come to life! And what makes this flick still cool to talk about is that after 30 years or so it still holds up as a great fantasy film. Virgins, dragons, sacrifices, I’m sold! Do yourself a favor and revisit this early 80s flick as I give it 3 ½ stars.

House

House of Oddities: The Story of the Atrocity Exhibition (Vimeo/DVD) – An amazing documentary that takes you on the journey of how a local Atrocity Exhibition got started and how some very different and passionate people make it happen. Independent filmmaker Brian Cottington lends his talents in filming this small group of artists that want to entertain people whether through art, theater, dance, etc. And give the mainstream something that isn’t looked at as your typical sideshow or freakshow but true art or freedom of expression. Cottington gives you an inside look of how a small group of artists came together from many walks of life and put together a show that not only has a loyal following but grows by the minute. A show that is very different from anything you have seen before and to keep people in attendance guessing they change the show every year. I believe this is a perfect documentary filmed by Brian Cottington for the mere fact this isn’t something I am into but after watching this has my full respect for what they do. Oddities they are not, artists they are and I am grateful for that and the people who were apart of this documentary. I give this wonderful film 4 out of 4 stars and can be seeked out at www.houseofodditiesmovie.com .

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Dry Bones (DVD) – Anytime a cool independent filmmaker such as Gregory Lamberson contacts you about a new flick you take notice… Especially when he was the dude that gave us the beautiful slime/gorefest “Slime City Massacre”! So when I got this screener I could not wait to sit down and watch a film that stars Debbie Rochon and Kevin Van Hat Trick aka Duane Smith aka just go watch “Basket Case” if you are not a nerd like I am. But anyway Lamberson’s latest is about a boy named Andrew who has a monster living under his bed and so frighten he is unsure that he can ever sleep again. Or it can be he is holding a piece of history in his hands (Fangoria #1, Godzilla cover) and knows how much it is worth? But anyway his dad (Bart) comes barging in because he cannot hear “Charlie’s Angels” and wants to put a beating upon Andrew but soon finds himself face to face with the hideous monster living under Andrew’s bed. Many years go by and Andrew now Drew has returned to town for the first time in years because his sister wants to sell their parents’ house. With nowhere to stay and needing to make repairs to the house before its sold Drew decides to move back to his original home thinking the monster is in his past. Drew was wrong! Soon Drew has strange dreams, all who enter are dying in a horrible manner, and the neighbors believe the home is haunted. A great independent horror film with cool practical monster effects and one of the best actresses ever as a Succubus… I want a sequel and I want Debbie Rochon in even more monster make-up because she makes it look so fun and awesome! All I got to say horror fans thank god for filmmakers like Gregory Lamberson as I give his new flick 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

After Dusk They Come (DVD) – Some rich people get shipwrecked on an island that just happens to have the offspring of Sasquatch and the cave creatures from “The Descent”. It’s worth wasting 80 or so minutes on as I give it 2 stars.

 

Things (DVD) – Possibly the most bizarre film I ever had the pleasure of watching. And that is saying a lot my friends. “Donnie Darko”… poop on you! “Fight Club”… go fuck yourself! “Eraserhead”… I’m still not sure? Just when I thought I seen all the warped mindfuck movies out there I come across Andrew Jordan’s ultra-fucking-weird no budget independent horror film that was shot on Super-8 in Canada and dubbed. Got your attention so far? Two friends go to a cabin in the middle of nowhere that just happens to be one of the fellows’ brother’s cabin. And his brother just had a weird dream about a naked woman in a basement with their monster baby and wakes up to his wife getting very sick. While the two dudes steal beer from the fridge Doug’s wife dies from a creature bursting out of her stomach that was an experiment from Dr. Lucas and now is multiplying throughout the house. Between the rambling nonsense called dialogue is a battle between these odd creatures and man in the ultimate bloodbath called, ‘survival’. And that is from what I can understand from watching this flick. I give this most bizarre flick 3 out of 4 stars for the mere fact I have never been so happy to own a movie!

 

Perished (YouTube) – A short film from SAR Films in the UK that is about a man who must decide suicide or figure out a way to outwit zombies that have him trapped inside a house. I give the flick 3 stars and really enjoyed the ending.

 

Halloween 2: H2 (DVD/remake) – Believe me if you ever talked to me about the first flick or read my review you understand why it took me so long to get over my anger to give this film a chance. And by the way I am still a little angry but I felt it enough time had pass to see what Rob Zombie did with the sequel and maybe figure out he doesn’t want a third film? The film begins in the hospital just like the original with Laurie and Annie in really bad shape. Laurie so worried about Annie goes to visit but of course Michael Myers is back to finish what he had started. Laurie wakes up in bed almost a year later living with Annie and Sheriff Brackett scarred, terrified, and dysfunctional. Meanwhile, Michael Myers has disappeared from the wrecked morgue van and hasn’t been seen. But Michael is seeing his dead mother and is told it is time to return to Haddonfield while Dr. Loomis is more of an asshole than the first film as he has written his next book all about the events of last Halloween. I enjoyed that Rob Zombie kept the characters evolving from the first film whether people liked it or not and paid homage to the original second film with the hospital scene. This movie has a grimier and gritty feel to it that the first film didn’t have and the gore keeps flowing. But also at the same time giving the drive to why Michael does what he does and why Laurie/Boo is so fucking screwed up. Am I happy there was a sequel let alone a remake, “HELL NO!” Did I get off my high horse and give this film a chance and glad I did, “YES I AM!” This sequel isn’t a horrible film and worth a watch if you are a hardcore fan of the original like me? It may have took two films for Rob Zombie to give us his full vision of Michael Myers good or bad but after watching this film and “Lords of Salem” I am grateful for Rob Zombie haunting Hollywood whether I agree or disagree with his movie choices and with that I give this film 2 stars.

 

Tony: London Serial Killer (DVD) – I haven’t seen a movie so boring since I pushed myself through the horrible feature “The Zombie Chronicles… in 3-D”. Next time I see this title come up I will just punch myself in the face and feel better that I did. I give it nothing as you should avoid it like the plague.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Also you now can purchase the co-directed film project from Daniel Boyd and I called, “Jagoff Massacre” at www.jagoffmassacre.com . There is a sequel in the works…

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews and Jagoff Massacre t-shirt but also Cannibal Campout, Woodchipper Massacre, and a Spookies T-shirts also!!!! Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.