Gross Movie Reviews #336
By Tim Gross
Elves (VHS/DVD-R) – An off the wall direct-to-video release in 1989 that stars Dan Haggerity aka Grizzly Adams in a plot that involves virgins, Nazi experiments, New World Order, and evil elves! Brilliant until the movie starts rolling along as the film suffers from lack of budget and direction as the film at times seems like there is parts missing but don’t let that scare you from experiencing a great bad holiday horror film. A teenager is pissed at her mom, scared of her German grandpa, and strikes up an odd relationship with Grizzly Adams for all good reason when evil ninjas aka elves begin to spy on her and try to capture her and kill her friends. Looking for that odd holiday horror film to add to your collection? Well “Elves” is it as I give it 2 stars.
The Muck (Vimeo) – Tony Wash of www.scotchworthy.com has a new short film that is a throwback to 80s slimy monster flicks that will soon be a part of a big project called “World of Death”. A woman comes home from a workout ignoring the water company’s sign about something wrong with the water and goes for a long hot bath but finds something else? I really liked where Mr. Wash went with this concept and think it would be great if he could get the funding to do a feature-length film called “The Muck”. I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars.
Red Christmas (Vimeo/DVD) – Steve Rudzinski busy as ever has a new independent holiday horror for all to have under their Christmas trees for years to come and it’s called “Red Christmas”. Tara is a cute twenty-something girl that has a certain fetish or taste for killing as it gets her in the Christmas spirit. But that’s not the only thing; Tara knows there will come a day she will be caught so she wants to keep a video diary of why she is a serial killer so it can make her famous and for people to understand her. Steve as usual is creative with no budget, keeps interesting and unsettling with a couple torture scenes (fingernail removal), and made me wondering if I was watching “Necromantik 3” at one point? Steve giving fans something different every time out may have given independent gorehounds a holiday present that will keep on giving for years to come! I give the flick 3 out of 4 stars and can be purchased at www.silverspotlightfilms.com .
It’s My Party and I’ll Die If I Want To (DVD) – Tony Wash’s first project from 2007 was a prelude of things to come as this first time director/writer/producer fresh out of Tom Savini’s school took on a project that deserves more attention than it ever got for what he accomplished! I remember seeing a copy of the film a few years back at a convention but forgot to pick it up. After having a conversation with fellow movie reviewer Mario Dommick I made sure I got a copy to witness the carnage or I should say the greatness this project is… Tony was able to do a beautiful mash-up of my two favorite 80s horror flicks “Night of the Demons” and “Killer Party”. But let’s get to the good stuff, Sara’s birthday is on Halloween and Sara’s friends want to throw her the coolest surprise birthday party that she will remember. And they decide to throw it at Burkitt Manor: a place that just so happens to have a history of murder and hauntings over the past century. After one of Sara’s friends scratches himself on a nail in the attic he soon transforms into something horrifically evil. And by the way the transformation scene is something of beauty, I absolutely loved it! Sara soon arrives to her surprise party and her friends are dying horribly only for her to think it is part of the event at first. Tony Wash did amazing work his first time out and how this project didn’t get him more notice by Hollywood is beyond me??? But if that wasn’t enough the DVD has “adventure mode” where you are able to pick from nine different endings just like the old school “pick your own adventure” books. Think of “Final Destination 3” DVD extras but Mr. Wash did it such a higher level and care. I feel bad I missed it the first time around but glad I came back to it so I could review it. I give the flick 4 out of 4 stars as horror fans this is a must own, a must support, and you must pay attention to upcoming projects from Tony Wash. You can purchase the film at www.scotchworthy.com . Hey Tony, just remember us when you’re famous my friend!
The Babadook (On Demand) – Another good horror flick out of Australia that’s a bit of a creepy and scary kid’s tale. A single mom has a boy named Samuel who could be disturbed, autistic, etc., not totally sure but he does not like being separated from his mother. His mother is having a hard time without no husband and dealing with a child that seems to be awake 24/7. One night Samuel brings her a book to read and it’s called, “The Babadook”. After reading a few pages Samuel becomes scared and the mother hides the book. Strange things begin to happen and the book keeps reappearing with new pages and animation of death! A good scary flick for the mainstream crowd that doesn’t watch many horror flicks as I give it 3 stars.
Rec 4: Apocalypse (On Demand) – The successful Spanish zombie/demon/sort of found footage films are supposedly coming to an end with final entry? This time around the film takes place on a boat where apparently Angela the reporter, was taken too after her experience in the apartment house where the viral outbreak took place and is now been burned to the ground. Scientists are doing experiments to come up with a cure or a way to control this virus and must kill any who come in contact with it. All three films get tied into this flick so if you are a fan you will enjoy that and once again “Rec 4” does not disappoint with the crazy gore effects once infected monkey gets loose and Angela and others are trapped. I loved the film and have been a big fan of the series but felt the ending was a letdown and not the ending I was hoping for. But saying that I still give this wonderful foreign horror film 3 stars.
Electric Boogaloo: The Wild Untold Story of Cannon Films (DVD/YouTube) – A wonderful documentary about two guys who came to Hollywood and within a decade made Charles Bronson a star again, Chuck Norris what he is today, and many crazy, wacky 80s films that weird film junkies like myself enjoyed. They went from a joke to be taken serious in a decade and made Hollywood pay attention to them until their debt caught up and the two men had a falling out. Whether we admit or not Cannon Films help shape cinema of today. Dozens of actors, actresses, producers, directors share stories of what went down on sets of many of these films and what it was like working for Cannon Films. This kind of stuff is hilarious to watch and makes you take notes on movies you may have missed over the years as I give it 3 ½ stars.
Zombeavers (On Demand) – I so enjoy when people seem to make movies just for me… and “Zombeavers” is a pleasant idea seen all the way through. A barrel of toxic chemical falls off a dump truck and into a stream where beavers are living. Soon the green shit is all over the beaver’s home and has mutated them to “ZOMBIE BEAVERS”!!! How this hasn’t shown up on SyFy Channel yet I will never know but anyway three college girls are getting away for the weekend to have a drunken girl weekend at a cousin’s cabin. Soon the boyfriends show up to scare the shit out of them but so do the pissed off beavers as they attack couples on sea, on land, where ever the beavers and find flesh to munch on. I give it 3 stars.
Housebound (On Demand) – A weird oddity of a horror/comedy to come out of New Zealand about a woman who has been in a host of trouble has been just caught for trying to steal money out an ATM machine. Her lawyer convinces a judge that she can do better if forced to house arrest at home with her mother since she has been in and out of the system for substance abuse and other criminal charges. Once the rules are explained to her by the security officer she begins to hear sounds in the walls and weird things begin to happen but this has gone on for years since her parents bought the house and they both believe they seen something at one point when she was a kid. The film goes from typical haunting PG-13 film to a crazy and hilarious you are not sure what to expect horror film as the security guard gets involved because he is a paranormal expert in his free time. As the girl investigates the house she becomes involved in an unsolved mystery of many years that took place before her parents bought the house. Another great horror film from New Zealand that has a bit of everything that makes it quite entertaining and shows why Hollywood doesn’t have a clue. I give the film 3 ½ stars.
Thor: The Dark World (DVD) – A solid sequel to a boring character that Marvel Films has found a way to make interesting or at least entertaining for me. Unlike the Captain America sequel you do not feel like this film is keeping you in a holding pattern for the “Avengers” sequel. The film explores more of the Thor mythology as Thor must rely on his evil brother Loki to not only save Asgard but Earth as an ancient enemy has reappeared when Jane Foster mistakenly finds a power source that awakens evil elves. As Marvel keeps them coming I will keep watching as I give this sequel 2 ½ stars.
Tusk (DVD) – To be honest I did not know what to expect from this Kevin Smith film as a) it’s a horror film and b) critics have destroyed this film publicly from the start but that isn’t any different from anything else Kevin has set out and done. Two podcasters played by Justin Long and Haley Joel Osment have a very popular podcast called, “Not See Podcast”. Each week Justin’s character travels to places to look for stupid, strange stories and comes back home to talk about them on the podcast to his partner. Justin travels to Canada to search out a kid who got 30 million hits on YouTube for cutting his leg off with a sword. He finds out the kid killed himself and wants to find another story before he leaves the Great White North. While using the restroom he finds an ad for an old man who has stories to tell. Long’s character goes to visit him and that is where shit gets truly bizarre and if that isn’t enough for you there is a story about a walrus penis! Want more? How about Johnny Depp as Guy Lapointe plays an investigator who has been trying to track down this old dude who just happens to be a serial killer who has a fascination for walruses. It may possibly be the most creative and bizarre film Kevin Smith has ever done or ever will but it had my attention at this oddity all the way. I promise you the viewer that you have never seen a film quite like this… I give it 3 stars.
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Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.
See yinz at Horror Realm March 6-8th, 2015. For details visit www.horrorrealmcon.com .
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