Category Archives: Gross Movie Reviews

Gross Movie Reviews #354

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Gross Movie Reviews #354

 

By Tim Gross

 

Thor the Conqueror (DVD) – If there was a B-movie version of Conan this wouldn’t be it as it could only wish it was a B-movie. But leave it to the Eye-talians to make an oddity fantasy film that has a baby get shot with an arrow in the first five minutes! Then only to be rescued by a pervy wizard dude that narrates the whole fucking movie. And just for a little more flavoring there are cannibals… sort of, and weird boobs. I give this C-grade homage to Conan 1 ½ stars.

 

Rollerblade (VHS/DVD-R) – Oh I knew I was in for a treat when I see the New World Video aka New World Pictures logo come up. And if that wasn’t enough for me while watching the flick found out it is the prequel to “Rollerblade Warriors” which kinda explains the beginning now. Apparently the same dude that made these lesser known gems also made “Hell Comes to Frogtown” and its sequel!!! Its 1986 and the film takes place in the ‘City of Lost Angels’ during ‘The Second Dark Age’. An evil puppet dude controlled by some big masked mutation (Dr. Saticoy) wants the power core crystal thingy to take over the world. Problem some weird roller skating nuns protect the crystal and they are not too keen on letting any weirdo into their club so Dr. Saticoy makes a deal with one of his blade-wielding minions to go undercover. And somewhere in the middle Michelle Bauer shows up… naked… in a hot tub of course. Its 1986, what movie wasn’t Mrs. Bauer in? Anyhow it’s fun garbage and happy to find out “Rollerblade Warriors” is a sequel. So for that I give it 2 stars.

 

The Human Centipede 3: Final Sequence (On Demand) – I thought the first two films were brilliant by Tom Six but this flick is more for the people that just want the centipede saga to continue. For me it was kinda of a disappointment. But honestly I do not think there was anywhere else you could have gone with this series? But anyway we have that wicked evil doctor dude from the first flick playing an over the top warden of a maximum prison along with his accountant/assistant, the creepy security dude from the second film that thought “Human Centipede” was real. For an added bonus we have Bree Olsen (secretary), Eric Roberts (governor), Tony ‘Tiny’ Lister (a prisoner), and Tom Six as himself, along with a few other names that escape my mind now. The warden has lost his god damn mind and sings and dances his way to cutting a prisoner’s balls off to eat them because the governor is going to fire him because of his inability to run a prison. After watching the “Human Centipede” movies the warden decides with help of his accountant/assistant to have a ‘prison centipede’ constructed so it dissuades people from committing crimes and save money. And to make Tom Six’s dream come true as he still believes it is medically possible. I might have not liked the movie as much as the other two flicks but Eric Roberts was freaking great and it was cool seeing Bree Olsen. I give the film 2 stars.

 

Hansel & Gretel Get Baked (DVD) – Gretel and her boyfriend try some new weed called ‘Black Forest’ and apparently it’s from an old lady in Pasadena. This weed is amazingly better than the usually street stuff. Her brother does not par take in the weed smoking but becomes concern when Gretel’s boyfriend disappears when he goes to get more weed from the old lady who is played by Lara Flynn Boyle. Soon boyfriends, drug dealers, and meter men go missing in the neighborhood? The film was pleasantly funny and actually pretty good as I was expecting a shitty remake of “Half-Baked” smashed together with “Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters”. I give the flick 2 ½ stars. And I have to mention Yancy Butler makes a weird appearance as a police officer that really doesn’t have much to do with the storyline.

 

Roboshark (DVD/SyFy Channel) – Lame movie at times but give them kudos for trying something different and playing on the society being on social media 24/7 these days. But anyway alien lifeform lands in the ocean and turns a great white into a crazy robot shark kinda of looks like crude “MechaGodzilla” at a few angles. It goes around fucking shit up until a teenager is being followed on Twitter by ‘Roboshark’ and finds out he wants to phone home. I don’t make this shit up folks it is just people come and steal my weird ass dreams and thoughts out of my head at night. I give it 1 ½ stars.

screammachinecover2use

Scream Machine (DVD/Vimeo) – An independent anthology hosted by a horror host named Dr. Fry and his ‘Head’ that have five tales for anybody left that has survived a viral outbreak. The stories are Sledgehammer, Cannibal Pen Pals (which I enjoyed the most but laughed because it is supposed to be ‘Anywhere’ 1993 and the main character is driving a car newer than what I have… And while driving you can see all the other cars in the background made after 1993), April Fools Party, Drugs & Pranks Don’t Mix, Septic Shock (which was also kinda interesting and wouldn’t mind seeing fleshed out a little more into its own longer short film), and The Deadly Indie Drive-in. Fun stuff that reminds me of the early 90s independent films from the Polonia Brothers. The movie package has lots of heart and passion but needs more true actors than friends for this type of venture. I give the flick 2 out of 4 stars and can be purchased at: http://www.amazon.com/Scream-Machine-Tara-Carlton/dp/B00YAZND50/ref=sr_1_1?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1437243765&sr=1-1&keywords=scream+machine&pebp=1437243767166&perid=0BSHPV155JQHCKADG0QK

 

Spider Labyrinth (DVD) – A 1988 Eye-talian thriller about a Professor Whitmore who is sent to Budapest to check in with a Professor Roth to bring back his research on Project Intextus. Several professors from all over the world are in on this project but for some reason Roth is refusing to respond to any of Whitmore’s calls or mail. It involves all languages and ancient languages. Well Roth may have found an ancient culture that still exists where people believe in demons still. Very weird, very Eye-talian, and ends with a weird creature baby that turns into a spider to crawl into Whitmore’s arm to take over his soul! I give it 2 stars.

 

Hellgate (DVD) – Another 1989 New World Pictures release which should be a beautiful gem but is a gooey mess of a B-horror movie trying to scrap the bottom of the barrel called “80s horror”. An urban legend about a woman who walks the road to the old ghost town Hellgate at night and if you follow her you will die. Mainly because you are stupid but the woman’s dad has some kind of weird growth on the side of his face and likes to shoot people with a blue crystal that was found in a cave in the 50s. It is a cheesy but entertaining horror film but definitely has its issues and you can tell everyone was mostly just clocking in and out on this flick. But it has its share of cool classic cars, gooey monsters, and the dad looks like he was an extra from Charles Band’s “Mutant Hunt” or the B-classic “Robo Vampire”. I give it 2 stars.

 

Mega Shark vs Kolossus (DVD/SyFy Channel) – Mega Shark had offspring and the Russians have a doomsday project that has been awaken and both are on a collision course to fight… enough said unless Tara Reid or Deborah Gibson show up but they didn’t. That’s for the A-list SyFy Channel shark films. I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

And do not forget to order your copy of Gross Movie Reviews: The Wrath of Gross at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-the-wrath-of-gross/paperback/product-21975934.html or pick up a copy at Horror Realm July 24-26th, 2015 as Out of Print Dan and myself will have a table there! Go to www.horrorrealmcon.com for more details on the convention.

Jon Cross joins us on our latest episode

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This week we welcome back our bestest podcast buddy Jon Cross of the after movie diner podcast, and he brings along with him a Fred William flick from the 70’s called BLACK EYE.  Kyle talks about the newest Liam Neeson throat punching action jam RUN ALL NIGHT… Does he phone it in in this one?  NOPE!  Also, Tim checks out a sequel in BEYOND THE DOOR 2 a.k.a. SHOCK.  Also we answer your listener questions and chew the movie fat and discuss this week’s internet rumors and movie poop.  Come check it out or Liam will throat punch a baby.

 

http://www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

episode 167

Gross Movie Reviews #353

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Gross Movie Reviews #353

 

By Tim Gross

 

Stone Cold (DVD) – A very underrated action flick from the early 90s starring none other than Brain Bosworth as Officer Hough who goes undercover for the FBI. Hough’s undercover name is John Stone and the reason the FBI was interested in the Boz is he gets the job done. But this gig might be too much as he must get tight with a murderous biker gang lead by the man, the myth, the legend Lance Henriksen and his insane cohort William Forsythe! He gets in by going to kill a traitor of the gang. Boz actually deports the guy and uses him for information but comes back to haunt him later in the film. A lot of fun B-movie action with a couple A-list actors that I believe has gotten better with age. So do yourself a favor if you are action movie fan and rewatch this flick as I give 3 stars and then after that watch the 30 for 30 special on ‘The Boz’ and it puts a lot of things in focus if you were ever a fan of ‘The Boz’?

 

Aftermath (DVD) – Edward Furlong and Monica Keena star in what I claim is a remake of the 80s TV movie “The Day After”. As people are effected by the nuclear bombs that have been dropped on US soil one day. Trying to ride it out in a basement eventually they are driven out by crazed survivors of the devastation. Sad, depressing, and a little realistic like “The Day After” but well worth the watch if you enjoy post-apocalyptic flicks? I give the depressing look at what may happen someday 3 stars.

 

The Dead 2: India (DVD) – The zombie saga continues as apparently the sickness has reached the slums of a major city in India and the story centers around an American engineer and his Indian girlfriend. Just finding out she is pregnant he is trying to make his way to her home to help her and her family to escape the outbreak. Not as intriguing as the first film but not as boring either but my main issue is they seem to mail in on the effects. Like or not the first film had some amazing effects work. I watched it mainly because it is a sequel but I wouldn’t make it a point to go out of your way to see it as I give it 2 stars.

 

Hell Baby (DVD) – A hilarious flick about a couple who buy a house that happens to be haunted, has Key from the Key & Peele show living in the duct work, and was a steal because it was in a bad neighborhood. Soon the couple realize that the baby that is coming a spawn from hell and they need an exorcism. Hilarity ensues as it does make fun of several recent films but possibly the best part of the film is Key’s character as he just pops up everywhere in the house in almost every scene and has most of the great lines. I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Gallowwalkers (DVD) – I personally was hoping Wesley Snipes first horror movie in sometime would may be a “Blade” sequel but instead was this oddity of a bad film. Wesley Snipes’ character murders the gang that rape his woman, then they come back to life killing across the old west. And now Snipes is hunting them down again. Doesn’t make a ton of sense and kinda boring but couldn’t help myself wanting to see Wesley Snipes in another horror flick. I am disappointed and must give the film 1 star.

 

Sharks’ Treasure (DVD) – A 1975 film most likely trying to cash in on the “Jaws” fame with four dudes (one of them Yaphet Kotto) going to seek a sure thing in treasure off a small island. Once found and celebrating they are boarded by escape convicts that are looking for a boat to take them to freedom. Now the four must decide do they want to live or die trying to keep the treasure they have found. Not the most exciting shark film but you do get to see Yaphet Kotto fight a shark and that’s worth 2 stars alone.

 

Rites of Spring (DVD) – For the past years in this small community in Mississippi, young women of disappeared around the first day of spring. Now kidnappers of rich dude’s kid get involved by accident when a girl screaming bloody murder runs through the kidnapping gone bad and they all must deal with some creature that decapitates people. Apparently a farmer uses this creature for an early harvest every year and it has been a part of the family throughout generations. Great looking box art, but disappointing attempt at a scarecrow slasher type of horror film. There was nothing very memorable about the film as I give it 1 ½ stars.

call-girl-of-cthulhu

Call Girl of Cthulhu (Blu-ray/DVD) – First, great title for an independent horror film. Second, it’s been picked up by Camp Motion Pictures so you the horror fan including myself are going to be in for a treat. The story begins with a man named Carter Wilcox, who is trying to explain the events that have happened recently while he sits in front of a detective that wants answers. Mr. Wilcox is an artist but he is a lonely artist with a noisy roommate named Erika. Carter has a chance meeting with an escort named Riley who Wilcox asks to paint her. They become friendly and boom ‘The Great Old Ones’ are in town looking for a woman with a Cthulhu birthmark on her ass (Riley). Going through all the escorts in town they finally know its Riley. Once captured, she becomes the vessel for the legendary evil creature and breaks off her relationship with Wilcox. But meanwhile Wilcox just got a gig copying an old weird book. Then we got death by dildo and plastic fan, a really cool tongue cutting scene, heads exploding, zombie whores, crazy gore and goo flying everywhere, Riley turns into really weird and awful looking creature that resembles Chet from “Weird Science”, and it’s all happening at the ‘Church of Starry Wisdom’. First half of the film is a lot of tits and ass but once the film progresses into the Cthulhu mythology of how ‘The Great Old Ones’ are trying to bring Cthulhu into the world the film gets really interesting and entertaining. With the title it has it is expected to have some nude scenes but I was more impressed with not only the creature and cool make-up effects but the awesome and entertaining storyline plus the actors that played Riley, Carter, and Erika did a wonderful job. Also the Blu-ray combo pack has one of the best extras I have come across this year and it’s called: “My 5-year old niece explains Cthulhu”. It is so cute and so freaking hilarious! I have to give this entertaining independent horror/comedy 3 ½ out of 4 stars. Do yourself a favor and order a copy now at: www.alternativecinema.com .

 

Non-stop (DVD) – Liam Neeson proves this flick is no “Passenger 57” or “Executive Decision” and makes no sense why he would do this uninteresting action flick over an “A-team” sequel. Found it boring at times, skip this one folks and go watch “Run All Night” or “Taken” again as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

And do not forget to order your copy of Gross Movie Reviews: The Wrath of Gross at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-the-wrath-of-gross/paperback/product-21975934.html or pick up a copy at Horror Realm July 24-26th, 2015 as Out of Print Dan and myself will have a table there! Go to www.horrorrealmcon.com for more details on the convention.

There may be a second reason you should visit Horror Realm…

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Two words for you ED QUILLIN!

HR JUly 2015

The best artist I have ever had the pleasure of meeting and becoming friends with. After a chance meeting at a rest stop in Ohio after a Cinema Wasteland show of where Ed buys a copy of my book we became friends and the rest is history as Ed becomes the official artist of Gross Movie Reviews. There is no one like Ed as he can capture and draw a picture of you in minutes. His unique style not only has brought fans to read my reviews but make horror movie fans huge fans of his artwork and his amazing ability to draw stuff on the spot! What makes Ed the best also is Ed is just a regular person like you and myself and will have a beer with you while drawing, cool stuff folks. So make sure you check out Ed and his artwork when you come to Horror Realm… if you don’t, you do not want to know the alternative as I am sure Frankenhooker, mash potatoes, and a fridge door may be sitting on your front porch waiting to kill you!

Here is some of his work:

 

Wrath of Gross B&W

Don Muggins

Big Ass cover

fridgeGarveyard GrossGross TasteGross Title Page

Gross Movie Reviews pic

One reason you should come to Horror Realm…?

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The celebrity list looks great, events look fun, awesome vendors as usual, plus Tim Gross will be there with Out of Print Dan selling the new book “Gross Movie Reviews: The Wrath of Gross” , copies of Jagoff Massacre, and some other cool goodies from OOPD! But what if you had to pick one thing or reason you should come to Horror Realm because there is nothing like it around the state of Pa?

HR JUly 2015

For me it would be the man, the myth, the Frito-Pie eating, the T-shirt making machine, the legend… Joe Garcia!!!

Why? This is why:

 

http://www.fastcustomshirts.com/spookies-t-shirt/

Spookies

 

http://www.fastcustomshirts.com/woodchipper-massacre-t-shirt/

woodchipper

 

http://www.fastcustomshirts.com/cannibal-campout-t-shirt/

Cannibal

 

http://www.fastcustomshirts.com/split-second-t-shirt/

Split_Second_sm__14999_1423261749_1280_1280

http://www.fastcustomshirts.com/gross-movie-reviews-t-shirt/

GMR shirtOf course you gotta get one of those…

http://www.fastcustomshirts.com/jagoff-massacre-t-shirt/

Jagoff%252520Massacre%252520sm__66775_1415211719_1280_1280

But Mr. Joe Garcia has hundreds of selections at his website:

www.fastcustomshirts.com

Or just check out what he is making next at his facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/fastcustomshirts?fref=ts

And Fast Custom Shirts and the cool T-shirt Joe will be setting up at the fine convention of Horror Realm on July 24-26th, 2015! Get your tickets now for this great event or visit their page for more details: http://www.horrorrealmcon.com

 

Hey horror fans and fiends everyone have a safe holiday weekend!!!

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Still love this fucking movie!

 

Brought to you by http://www.fastcustomshirts.com

http://www.fastcustomshirts.com/uncle-sam-t-shirt/

 

Horror Realm & Pop Expo – Panel/Event/Film Schedule

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Its coming sooner than you think make your plans now!

Horror Realm & Pop Expo – Panel/Event/Film Schedule

HR JUly 2015

 

 

http://www.horrorrealmcon.com

Horror Realm Con & Pop Expo

 

July 24-26, 2015

 

 

 

Panel/Event Schedule*

 

 

 

 

Friday, July 24

 

7:00 PM               Caroll Spinney

 

 

 

Saturday, July 25

 

11:00 AM             Patty Mullen

 

12:10 PM             Erin Murphy

 

1:30 PM               Daeg Faerch

 

2:45 PM               A. Michael Baldwin

 

4:00 PM               John Borowski

 

5:00 PM               Tattoo contest sponsored by Pittsburgh Tattoo Company

 

6:00 PM               Ryan Hurst

 

9:00 PM               Zombie Luau poolside pre-party

 

10:00 PM             Zombie Luau

 

12:00 AM             The Underground Party sponsored by ToeTag

 

 

 

Sunday, July 26

 

1:00 PM               Costume contest sponsored by Castle Blood

 

 

 

Film Schedule*

 

 

 

Friday, July 24

 

5:00 PM               Doom Asylum

 

7:00 PM               The Other Side

 

8:00 PM               The Monster Squad w/Andre Gower in person at The Hollywood Theater– separate admission cost

 

9:00 PM               Shivers

 

10:30 PM             The Crazies w/Lynn Lowry in person at The Hollywood Theater – separate admission cost

 

11:30 PM             Rocky Horror Picture Show with shadow cast by The Junior Chamber of Commerce Players

 

 

 

Saturday, July 25

 

8:00 AM               Classic 80’s cartoons

 

9:00 AM               Follow That Bird w/Caroll Spinney in person at The Hollywood Theater – separate admission cost

 

9:00 AM               Classic wrestling

 

11:00 AM             Super Task Force One

 

1:00 PM               Bigfoot The Movie with cast Q&A

 

3:00 PM               Jagoff Massacre with special sneak peek of Jagoff Massacre 2

 

4:15 PM               Evil in the Woods sponsored by Massacre Video

 

5:50 PM               Skinless sponsored by Dustin Mills

 

10:30 PM             H.H. Holmes with John Borowski at The Hollywood Theater in person – separate admission charge

 

 

 

Sunday, July 26

 

9:00 AM              Classic 80’s cartoons

 

10:00 AM            Classic wrestling

 

 

 

*Panels & movies are open only to convention pass holders, convention guests and vendors

 

 

 

Schedule subject to change at any time

Gross Movie Reviews #352

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Gross Movie Reviews #352

 

By Tim Gross

 Scarewaves

Scarewaves (DVD) – The unique independent filmmaker Henrique Couto is always trying to give the audience a different flick every time out. And Mr. Couto did not disappoint with his latest release as it’s an anthology of urban legend inspired stories. All the stories are told by radio host Amos Satan who wants something different for his last night on the show. While conversing with callers he tells the stories. But also someone keeps calling in threating Mr. Satan. All the segments are a nice length and do not seem to drag as most anthologies there always seem to be that weak segment no matter how good the others are. Henrique seems to find an even flow with the stories. The anthology is a lot of fun, could have used more blood, but entertaining and great pick up for independent fans as I give the new release 2 ½ out of 4 stars. You can purchase or find out more about the film at: https://www.alternativecinema.com or https://www.facebook.com/pages/Alternative-Cinema-Pop-Cinema-Studios/99873255809?fref=ts .

 

Killer Dead (DVD-R) – A very unknown 1992 film that was made aware to my Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast partner by Out of Print Dan a few weeks ago that may or may not be the unofficial sequel to “Spookies”! No bullshit director Brendan Faulkner gets the “Spookies” gang back together and from the sketchy details it was 1989 and made another movie on a fraction of the budget for “Spookies”… And yes Gabe Bartalos was there along for the ride doing special effects. The film also had the title “Non Vegetarian Zombies from Outer Space” and I believe was released with this title outside of the US in a very limited release on VHS. And there may have been a Japanese laserdisc but cannot prove or disprove this as I have found a picture of it but no information. But for the “Spookies” fans a group of campers lead by Vinny and a generic Indiana Jones go into the woods for some weekend fun until a UFO crashes and the group stumbles upon it. Soon aliens come out of the spacecraft and begin shooting at the campers and bring the dead back to life to kill all of them. And let’s not forget Vinny’s wife is supposed to be killed by a couple mob hitmen. The movie is a mess, the copy is low quality, and I laughed the whole time watching it as someone besides us may or may not had the idea of a sequel to “Spookies” years ago! I give it 3 stars for it being the random mess it is. There was supposedly plans for a DVD release but no information can be found on whether it will or was going to actually happen.

 

We Are Still Here (On Demand) – A very surprising cool horror flick starring Barbara Crampton and set in the 70s. An older couple buys a house in a small rural town shortly after their college-aged son has died. A few strange things happen in the house the two weeks they have been that makes Crampton’s character believe their son’s spirit is there with them. But it is so much more as the mayor keeps checking in on them and they have a couple hippie friends stopping up to stay for a few days that may be able to help? The film is very story driven and you gotta to stick with it as you just learn that the mayor is an asshole and there is more to this house and rural town that the movie leads onto until that perfect moment. Then it’s a BLOODBATH! I give it 4 stars.

 

Crash! (VHS/DVD-R) – It is debatable if this was Charles Band’s first directorial effort or not? In 1973 there was this project “Last Foxtrot in Burbank” where he even used a different name which wasn’t uncommon at the time but then four years later we got this flick that seem to be the go button on Mr. Band’s career. So let me know if you see “Last Foxtrot in Burbank”? But in the meantime let’s talk “Crash!” where a black Camaro is running people off the road with no driver behind it. This happens quite often after a dog attacks a beautiful woman on a mountainside and causes her to crash. She is later found on the side of a highway and taken to the hospital gripping a lucky charm, an evil idle that she picked up at the Drive-in swap meet earlier that day. Apparently the charm allows her to get revenge and control her car as it smashes into everyone on the highway. Fun movie with lots of car crashes but the driverless car causes at least one death before she is ever put into the coma by her husband’s dog. Don’t if its editing, or you are supposed to overlook this, or it might be a combo of things. But not finding much information on VHS releases, etc., it is tough to say. But anyway I thought I seen all the driverless/devil car movies from the 70s and 80s and I was just happy to get a hold of a movie from early on in Charles Band’s career as I give it 2 stars.

 

A City of Ember (DVD) – Imagine if Disney made an apocalypse movie and it starred Bill Murray and Tim Robbins this would be it. As an underground city has survived for the past 200 years on the premise of being told there is no outside world, it was destroyed. But the lights are going out more often and no one is sure of how to fix the big generator that supplies the city. Two teenagers come into possession of a box that was carried by all the mayors of the city over the years. The box has a map and instructions to the outside world and these two teenagers are determined to do it as they also find out the city is running out of food too. Think of it as a light-hearted post-apocalyptic flick as I give it 2 stars.

 

The Haunting in Connecticut 2: Ghosts of Georgia (DVD) – Okay before I review this flick am I wrong that this film should be titled something else as it takes place in Georgia and not Connecticut?  I understand the film company is trying to capitalize on the popularity but change the fucking title for the love of Rutger Hauer! A confusing story about ghosts of slaves that walk this property thinking they were safe or looking for safety during the time the South believed in slavery. And the property was just purchased by a family where the wife, the sister, and the child can see ghosts. They try to understand why the ghosts of the slaves are showing up but there is also a strange ghost of an old dude talking to the little girl too. Movie is a little too confusing in the end for me and in the end just wasn’t that good as I give it 1 star.

 

Annabelle (DVD) – I figured I would get around to watching the prequel to “The Conjuring” eventually that tells the story of the evil doll that became a popular thing for movie fans in “The Conjuring”. What it amounts to is Annabelle predates Chucky with no Brad Dourif but some weirdo girl who ran away with a cult in the 70s. Then two years later comes back with her crazy ass boyfriend to kill her parents, gets shot in the process when trying to kill the helping neighbors, and boom crazy runaway possesses the doll… supposedly, since this is based on the Warrens adventures. First flick I enjoyed, this flick kinda blah and it’s no Charles Lee Ray! I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Killer Legends (DVD/Chiller Channel) – Rachel Mills and Joshua Zeman (writer and director of “Cropsey”) take it upon themselves to do a documentary on how real urban legends got started. They investigate where the and poisoned trick or treat candy urban legend started and how it got out of control, the killer clown that was seen by hundreds of school children several times over the years, the person calling from within the house while a babysitter is doing her job, the Candyman, and Texarkana event from 1946 sparked several urban legends. Interesting documentary but like most doesn’t give you the answers you are looking for a lot of times. But still worthy of a watch as I give it 2 stars.

 

The Nightmare (On Demand) – Another intriguing documentary about a subject that many people have had or still have and that is ‘sleep paralyses’. Eight people share their stories, their experiences, and the aftermath of seeing: shadow people, dark blobs, TV people, red eyes, and darkness. The documentary dives into why this condition exists and how people who have it can be very affected by it. Now I never had this issue of where I wake up but cannot move but the one thing I got out of it is these people suffer from a lack of sleep and this may perhaps explain alien abduction but that is just me. I am sure it’s scary for some of these folks, but there is a couple I wanted to just say stop taking the acid or shrooms and you will be fine. I give it 2 stars.

RFSS

Reichsfuhrer SS (DVD/Vimeo) – The same independent filmmaker that gave us “Operation: Nazi Zombies” a few years back is back at again with another Nazi film that involves Heinrich Himmler on about a $25,000 budget. The film is about how Himmler became a murdering Nazi bastard and meets the gatekeeper of hell after his suicide in 1945. While with the gatekeeper of hell Himmler goes through his past of what started him on his incredible murderous path. The crew does an amazing job with costumes, use of locations, décor, and even the gatekeeper of hell. If I didn’t tell you the budget of this flick most viewers would guess that the budget would be more like $200, 000 or $300,000 because of how authentic things look. The crew, the actors, and filmmaker go all out in this bad ass entertaining film about Himmler getting what he deserved in the end. I love watching independent movies that pay attention to detail when it comes to pictures, flags, etc. when movies are set in a certain time period and they should be proud of this project. I give this flick 3 out of 4 stars and more about this new release can be found at:  https://www.facebook.com/RFSSMovie?fref=ts .

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

And do not forget to order your copy of Gross Movie Reviews: The Wrath of Gross at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-the-wrath-of-gross/paperback/product-21975934.html or pick up a copy at Horror Realm July 24-26th, 2015 as Out of Print Dan and myself will have a table there! Go to www.horrorrealmcon.com for more details on the convention.

 

Gross Movie Reviews #351

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Gross Movie Reviews #351

 

By Tim Gross

 

Beyond the Door II (VHS/DVD-R) – This 1977 thriller was the last flick made by filmmaking legend Mario Bava and his son Lamberto Bava served as an assistant director and had a small part at the beginning of the film. The horror sequel centers around Dora and her son moving back to the old country home with her new husband Bruno. Once there Dora’s son Marco starts to question about his father and why he is dead. This also comes after he begins to start talking to an imaginary friend in the front yard. If that wasn’t enough for Dora, Marco’s mother to raise an eyebrow; how about Marco stealing his mom’s undies and acting very strange! If that wasn’t enough for the place to be haunted and further make the viewer confused on what is really going on Dora begins to feel and see some weird shit? But… you don’t know if it’s the drug addicted husband she killed off and claimed it was suicide or the acid her new husband is dropping in her water so you are never quite clear what is exactly going on. Except Marco has a new friend. It’s weird and kinda boring but I still give it 2 stars.

 

It Follows (On Demand) – Okay, I wanted to see what all the hype was all about? First off, congrats, you made a movie! It can be a difficult task but for me this movie wasn’t great and it wasn’t god awful. It was kinda blah to put it so. Apparently you are able to pass on a killer spirit that can take any form to a person you have sex with. What Tim Gross got out of this plot was: If you are a whore and don’t wait till marriage a killer spirit will fucking throw shit at you and break your ass in half. And no matter how many people you fuck because you are a whore the evil eventually gets bored and finds you anyway. But that was just me at least… I believe the film suffered more from being overhyped than anything else. Hell, by time I sat to watch it I had people trying to tell me it was the second coming of “The Blair Witch Project”! Which by the way that film can still suck a donkey dick. I give it 2 stars folks and there better not be a sequel.

 

A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night (On Demand) – An odd film to say the least. But with it being filmed in black and white and its language being Persian (with subtitles) even though it was filmed in L.A. kind of gives it that artsy feel. But anyway a non-talking vampire walks the streets or skateboards through the streets at night looking for her next victim. She comes upon a young man who is tripping on ‘X’ and dressed like Dracula so they strike up a conversation and she takes him home. From there it focuses on their relationship: he wants girl, she wants boy but bad things always happen since she is a vampire, and boy does not know about the vampire thing just yet. The closet movie to compare this to would be the original “Let the Right One In”. But hey give Hollywood six months and they will ruin this idea also. I wasn’t real impressed with the concept but have to still give it 2 stars for having a skateboarding vampire.

 

Run All Night (DVD) – Another film starring Liam Neeson but this one strays from the usual recent formula of Neeson flicks as he plays an old broken down former hitman named Jimmy. Jimmy use to work for a bad ass in Ed Harris and Harris’s son is trying to bring in his own piece of the pie that involves heroin. Meanwhile, Jimmy has a son named Michael who has pretty much distance himself completely from his father until he happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time while doing job of being a limo driver. Without giving too much away Michael gets in contact with his father and Jimmy just happens to kill Ed Harris’s son before he kills Michael causing a shitload of mob dudes looking for Jimmy and Michael. Like I said it strays a little from the recent formula to make you happy Neeson is till looking to make some good flicks as I give it 3 stars.

homicycle

Homicycle (DVD) – Brett Kelly’s latest project being released by Bloody Earth Films and Camp Motion Pictures throws around the words “tribute to grindhouse classics like The Punisher and Nailgun Massacre”. Okay, you now have my attention (the guy that has a Nailgun Massacre tattoo on his arm and was a huge fan of Terry Lofton). Mr. Kelly tries to craft a story about a good cop who not only meant a lot to his spouse (also a cop) but to a city that is polluted with crime and was gunned down in front of his wife by a weirdo named Brock. Brock’s crime wave continues and his wife is frustrated with the system but someone or something has answered her prayers and rides at night on a motorcycle like “death itself” and begins killing or retaliating against all that killed the good cop. I enjoyed the cheesiness of the flick but thought it lacked the randomness and B-movie fun of “Nailgun Massacre”. Now Mr. Kelly goes on to explain in his commentary of the film that he made the film sort of under pressure from how I took it “because his wife was pregnant and wasn’t sure he would get the chance to make this sort of flick?” Which makes sense to me as Brett Kelly is an excellent filmmaker and I have seen better work from the man. Now I am not getting all down on the flick as I believe the box art is brilliant like “Nailgun Massacre”. Hell, it might be one of the best DVD box art I have seen in quite a long time? I might be only giving the film 2 ½ out of 4 stars and was expecting a little more but I still support Mr. Kelly and his projects and if it helps I do have a “Homicycle” T-shirt ordered. To order your copy of Brett Kelly’s homage of “Nailgun Massacre” go to: https://www.alternativecinema.com or https://www.facebook.com/pages/Alternative-Cinema-Pop-Cinema-Studios/99873255809?fref=ts for more details on the film.

 

Black Eye (DVD/You Tube) – I love Fred Williamson! One of my favorite actors to talk too and watch in flicks as I am still finding film gems starring Mr. Williamson. And this 1974 film does not disappoint as it was directed by film legend Jack Arnold the man that directed “Creature from the Black Lagoon” and “Revenge of the Creature”. Fred plays a private investigator named Stone who two years before was a cop but left the force after his wife died. Now he is thrown a bone or two from his buddy who still works the beat. But Stone stumbles into a case that involves a cane that just so happens to be seeked by several individuals. Fred Williamson’s character “Stone” is more normal or believable as you see Stone get his kicked a couple times and not always get the girl. If you are a fan of Fred Williamson this film is well worth tracking down as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

The Redwood Massacre (DVD) – Another slasher film from the UK that David Ryan Keith looked to mix the Robert Elkins independent feature “Backwoods” and “Friday the 13th Part 2”. Or at least that’s how I viewed this slasher. Twenty years ago a man gone nutzoid, hacked and cannibalized his family then committed suicide. Every year college kids go out in the woods near the location and party on the anniversary until this year the murderous evil farmer has come back from the grave to hack and cannibalize again! As legend goes the evil farmer gets pissed off when you disturb his family’s final resting place or where they were slaughtered. Loved the gallons of blood, gore, and goo but at times the film seem to lack pacing of past slashers and the killer did not stand out like the ‘Caleb’ character from “Backwoods”. I was a bit disappointed as I give it 2 stars.

 

As Above So Below (DVD) – A young driven professor named Scarlet is looking for the ‘philosopher stone’ as it was her father’s work before her that seems to have mystical powers as lure claims. She has a cameraman following her as she discovers new information about the stone’s whereabouts in the undiscovered catacombs under Paris. She asks for help from a man and his crew to get her into the catacombs illegally as she believes she has to root through unknown parts of the catacombs. Once Scarlet and crew is there she follows clues to open different doorways that lead deeper and deeper into the catacombs until they reach the stone. Once found they literally set off a trap that leads them into “The Gates of Hell”. The flick was interesting and entertaining unlike a “Grave Encounters” and I will sure be revisiting this flick a couple more times in my future. I give the flick 3 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

And do not forget to order your copy of Gross Movie Reviews: The Wrath of Gross at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-the-wrath-of-gross/paperback/product-21975934.html or pick up a copy at Horror Realm July 24-26th, 2015 as Out of Print Dan and myself will have a table there! Go to www.horrorrealmcon.com for more details on the convention.

Gross Movie Reviews #350

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Gross Movie Reviews #350

 

By Tim Gross

 

What We Do in The Shadows (DVD/On Demand) – Loving the horror flicks coming out of New Zealand as they are just absolutely amazing over the past year! This isn’t a horror movie as its more of a documentary/mockumentary about a camera crew given access to a flat housing four vampires in 2012… and crucifixes! The camera crew is given full access to film everything of this secret society where vampires, werewolves, zombies, all exist and living among us in a major city in New Zealand and always have. But the crew is there to record the everyday simple stuff leading up to an event called “The Unholy Masquerade” where all the monsters or creatures of the night get together for a night of partying. And no humans are allowed! It’s a well-produced monster reality show of the four vampires living together, telling their stories, and how they came to be until now. While the camera crew is there they mistakenly make another vampire who introduces them to his human friend Stewart who in return introduces the vampires to cell phones, internet, and friendship. Another flick I feel many people will have on their list of best movies for 2015 as I will. I literally busted out laughing more than a few times while watching. Great stuff! I give it 4 stars, at first I was only going to give it 3 ½ stars but I rewatch it and laughed harder.

 

Virtuosity (DVD/YouTube) – Its 1995, it’s another movie about virtual reality coming to life, and it stars Mr. Denzel Washington. Biggest difference between this and many other movies that were a product of that concept at the time weren’t very good in the first place but if anything this flick may have gotten better with age as I am the first to admit I did not like this film when it was first released. Oh, did I mention Russell Crowe is the villain, William Forsythe, Traci Lords, Kelly Lynch are in the film. The film centers on virtual reality of course or ‘LETAC’ to be precise as they have come up with a program called “Sid 6.7” aka artificial intelligence. He is to be shut down after killing a prisoner during a simulation for police training. When Sid 6.7 convinces his master to produce him in the real world, real people begin to die and it’s up to another convict Parker (a convict also) to go catch him. It is a little 1995ish but great sci-fi fun as you can see a young Russell Crowe before he beats up hotel telephones and Denzel realize he can be an action star? I give it 3 stars.

 

Gator Bait (VHS/DVD-R) – Is there such a thing as redneck-exploitation? Well I think I found it in this 1974 film that stars the absolutely stunning Claudia Jennings who died at 29 only a few years after this film’s release as a wild child of the back swamps of Louisiana. Claudia aka Desiree Thibodeau takes care of her younger sister and brother in the swamps and is pretty much left alone by local authorities. But there is stories of her cutting a man’s balls off because of him trying to bump uglies with the young lady and all she wants to do is be left alone to take care of her kin! Once she escapes the antics of the sheriff’s son and his friend Ben Bracken that he accidentally shoots when Desiree throws snakes in their boat a hunting party is formed to go bring her in and pay for what she did even though it isn’t her fault someone was shot. The hunting party consists of the Bracken family and the sheriff and his son. They tell stories of the legendary Thibodeau family and how they have lived in deep dark swamps poaching gators for many years. But after Desiree’s sister is shot in the vagina and killed Desiree thirsts for revenge hardcore style as she leads the hunting party deeper in the woods and becomes their worst nightmare. Never seen it until and think it’s an amazing 70s film! I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Gator Bait 2: Cajun Justice (DVD/DVD-R) – A sequel made fourteen years later made by the Sebastian couple who directed and wrote the first film put their daughter in the lead role of this mostly boring and really useless film unless you are into incest… kind of? Angelique and Big T get married. Big T just happens to be the boy, now a man, from the first film who didn’t talk because he didn’t have a tongue but now is perfectly fine as he bangs the bejesus out of the Sebastian’s daughter on film several times. And before some crazy redneck dudes come by to watch her bathe, kidnap her, rape her, she escapes, fuck people up, end of movie. But that is the problem Angelique aka Sebastian’s daughter is a beautiful redhead… Awesome! But remember her parents are filming her rolling in the hay several times with Big T which is about 70% of the film. Weird! Incest weird… Like weirder than the Mr. Dario Argento rumors or stories horror fans have heard about with Asia Argento, oh yeah I went there. The movie is bad but takes a whole other weird reason to watch it when you know Jan Sebastian’s aka Angelique is given direction by her parents: Okay show more boobs… Good now you will be topless for 65% of the film and we will film the character Big T fake banging you in the sack! WEIRD SHIT PEOPLE?  Maybe this is the reason Mr. Quast and Mr. Poling believe I will watch anything and the human shield for bad movies? Anyway I give it 1 ½ stars, why… She’s a redhead, I thought that was simple.

 

Maggie (OnDemand) – Arnold Schwarzenegger and zombies shouldn’t be in the same sentence unless we are talking about my reimagining of “I Am Legend aka Last Man on Earth aka Omega Man”… Apparently I was wrong as I sat down to watch this amazing performance from crazy old ass Arnold as a farmer in the Midwest who is trying to protect his family from a virus that turns people into zombies and possibly came from the crops that are now being burned by everyone. His daughter Maggie runs away to the big city to see the devastation and is bitten. Arnold brings her home from the hospital to try and live comfortably before she turns. This isn’t your typical balls to the walls bloodbath of zombies as the film is more about the story of love between father and daughter and the progression of this particular zombie virus. You do not immediately turn into a flesh-eater it takes several weeks and there is a quarantine set up. It’s more of humanity still trying to control the apocalypse before it all goes to shit! Let me say also Abigail Breslin as Maggie was wonderful. There is maybe four zombies and a few ounces of blood throughout which sets this film far apart from your usual zombie fare but a must watch for all horror fans as Arnold may be doing some of his best work of his career right now! I give this cool zombie/end of the world flick 3 ½ stars.

Dont-Despair-poster

Don’t Despair (You Tube) – A sixteen minute short film from a filmmaker named Alfred Giancarli. Never heard of him but glad I do now. Alfred directs a fun little masterpiece about a famous serial killer… of sorts? Two collectors who meet to exchange a piece of history like most collectors. But this is different, the man and woman or Rachel and William are people who collect items of serial killers but this magazine William brings to exchange has an extra added happiness for Rachel as she can absolutely feel the thoughts and feelings of her favorite serial killer. And it is very apparent she feels the same connection now after talking for several minutes with William. Because of this connection Rachel has a special surprise for William and without me giving too much of the short film away I will allow you to go watch it yourself:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfOnRpmHbSI . But this one of the best short films I have had the pleasure seeing. Alfred gave great direction and Erin Etheridge and Kevin Reed were perfect for the roles of the two main actors. After watching it a second time I believe Mr. Giancarli is smart enough to understand this concept cannot be stretch to a full feature as it might kill the magic captured in the short film and some things should be just left alone as you move on to new and different projects. I give it 4 out of 4 stars and horror fans give yourself a present today and go watch this short film.

 

Kung Fury (YouTube) – There is a bad VHS tape that has horrible tracking and has a movie on it called, “Kung Fury”. A crazy mixture of nerd’em, the 80s, ninjas, and elements of the movies “Manborg” and “Iron Sky” and you have this crazy mix of a 30 minute computer animated film that has Hitler time traveling! It is one of those “WTF did I watch but I like it” films. It is set in Miami, 1985 where a cop named Kung Fury was hit by lightning and bitten by a cobra at the same time after his partner was sliced and diced. Now he has new super Kung Fu powers of some ancient monks. He stops an out of control video arcade machine that is giving people the finger and killing them only to ridiculed for all the damage done to the city. Seconds after Hitler arrives and kills all the cops through the phone and Kung Fury must travel with help of ‘Hackerman’ to stop Hitler. Brilliant and thank you David Sandberg (Any chance you related to famous Chicago Cubs second baseman Ryan Sandberg?) as I give the 30 minute film 4 stars.

 

Cheap Thrills (DVD) – This was an oddity sent my way by Out of Print Dan who said I needed to watch it. A pretty dark film about two friends who haven’t seen each other in five years and meet in a dive bar talking about all their bad luck of recent times. They meet a married couple who are having a good time and start making stupid bets like “who will drink the whiskey faster?” Soon the two longtime friends find themselves wrapped up in this twisted fantasy of free money and over the top bets. Everything from cutting off a pinky for $15,000 to banging the dude’s wife for $4500 as it just spirals out of control in a night of craziness. I give the film 3 stars and did I mention Trent Haaga was one of the writers on the flick.

 

The Abominable Dr. Phibes (DVD) – Oh the beauty this film is as it stars Vincent Price in one of his best roles as a crazy, over the top, undead doctor who seeks revenge against the doctor and his assistants who killed his wife several years ago. When people start showing up dead from bats, snakes, and all kinds of crazy things, Scotland Yard begins to investigate all the doctors past patients but is it too late for them to stop the reign of terror that Dr. Phibes spreads across London?  This is one of those films that don’t make total sense but you don’t care as horror fans just sit back and enjoy Vincent Price having fun and total weirdness of the film. I give the film 4 stars.

 

Dr. Phibes Rises Again (DVD) – Three years has past and Dr. Phibes has risen from the grave only to find his home in shambles and his map to immortality gone. This map is the key for his wife to be restored to life again as he is still protecting her. Soon people die mysteriously again in London but a strange death of a man dead in a life size Gin bottle sends Scotland Yard to Egypt where they want to capture Dr. Phibes before he spreads his reign of terror again. It’s weird; it’s the 70s, its Vincent Price playing an Organ, why wouldn’t you want to watch this sequel as I give it 3 stars.

 

Cabin by the Lake (DVD) – Judd Nelson in one of his best roles outside of “The Breakfast Club” where the character Stanley who is a writer and he is a serial killer. Stanley is working on a new script for a film that is supposed to be going into production but is still trying to decide how to flesh it out and end it. Stanley is a serial killer who not only kills his victims underwater but also sets them up in his garden where he tends to them daily until one gets away. And with the help of a special effects couple and the local police they try to set up Stanley so he can be captured. I believe this flick premiered on the USA network in 2000 before being released on DVD. Don’t forget to check out Michael Weatherly as the deputy before he became an N.C.I.S. agent on the long running popular NCIS show. I give the film 3 stars.

 

Return to Cabin by the Lake (DVD) – The sequel was released a year later but takes place a couple years later as a film crew is trying to film the story of Stanley and his “Garden of Flesh”. Stanley survives the first film and returns killing his way onto the set of the movie of his life as a second-unit director where he is trying to have the story told correctly. The movie centers more on more of his obsession as a writer is trying to get into Stanley’s head even he is believed dead to make the movie the way it should be. Bodies pile up and Judd Nelson is still pretty good as Stanley the serial killer but the sequel loses its luster the original had as I give it 2 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

And do not forget to order your copy of Gross Movie Reviews: The Wrath of Gross at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-the-wrath-of-gross/paperback/product-21975934.html or pick up a copy at Horror Realm July 24-26th, 2015 as Out of Print Dan and myself will have a table there! Go to www.horrorrealmcon.com for more details on the convention.