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Gross Movie Reviews #424

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Gross Movie Reviews #424

 

The Lost Tribe (DVD) – A scientific group is sent to a small island where it is believed lost natives still live there cut off from the rest of the world. The point is explore and prove that the missing link does exist as its worth millions. But things change when Lance Henriksen shows up to take the evidence and kill anyone there. Things get even more ut of control when a small boat shipwrecks on the island and finds whats left of base camp. Blood, broken shit everywhere and the shipwrecked people feel like they are not alone. They are not as these lost natives still live and like to hunt humans! The box art looks kinda like a ‘Predator’ rip-off but still cool, the story sounds good, but when watching it just seems the movie got too much going on when it should have just focused on the tribe. I give this flick 2 stars.

 

Lovelace (DVD) – A film that documents or reacts the rise and fall of the woman known as Linda Lovelace. Anybody over the age of 30 knows the name or has at least googled it, or even stumbled upon her work at some point. The young woman basically change the porn industry as her film “Deep Throat” brought porn into the mainstream. The porn she starred in played in many mainstream theaters and was a milestone for the business in the 70s. That was only part of the story as Ms. Lovelace spent the rest of her life trying to not be a part of the business that used her to grow it worldwide. After an abusive husband and a bad time of seeing the shitfest the porn business could be at the time she just wanted a normal life and move on. A great film that gives you the inside stuff on what really happened throughout her life as she said, “She was only in the business for 17 days.” I give the flick 3 stars.

 

Operation: Endgame (DVD) – A well produced under the radar action/comedy about the changing of the president from Bush to Obama as the back drop. The two branches of the secret government in their underground lair go ape shit on each other when their secret lair goes on lockdown. No escape as they are about to be purged unless they find out who killed their superior. It is a comedy but there is some really surprising brutal fight scenes and a bit of gore. And the cast isn’t your no name just starting in the business type of cast, this film has some vets that I will not name just so you go watch this very amazing movie. This is a treat we old people would find from time to time in the video store during the days of straight-to-video. Snowed in, rainy day, calling off work cause they suck a bag of dicks, then look for this flick as I give it 3 1/2 stars.

 

Dark Skies (DVD) – This film is like a lost episode of “The X-files” staring Kerri Russell (I don’t know why but she always bothers me ever since showing up on the WB network) and also could be compared to if smashed the films “Paranormal Activity” and “Signs” together? I don’t know if that works for you but Kerri and family keep having strange shit happen to them. They are a well to do family that suddenly has like something randomly coming through the back door at night, setting up puzzles and art work with their chairs and plates, making signs that they are aliens… Being rich white people they do not know how to deal with it until they are accused of child abuse and go visit the crazy dude aka J.K. Simmons and explains aliens are fucking with them. The movie is interesting but yet boring at times too. Different cast or maybe better different pacing of the film could have made this a better watch because the material is there. I give it 2 stars.

 

No One Lives (DVD) – Oh for the love of Rutger Hauer this was such a pleasant surprise. We have a family of criminals who look for small time heists, people to screw over, cons, etc. Their last job goes bad when they had to kill the people that lived at the house they were robbing early. Upset, they hit the bar and find a normal looking couple that looks like they have money? The innocent couple is moving and just wants left alone but of course that cannot happen. The couple gets taken on a dimly lit road and the criminals believe they got a score that will make up for the last one that went wrong. Things go sideways when the woman of the couple slices her own throat on a knife and they break into the gentlemen’s car only to find a blonde woman tied up in the trunk. Things go to even weirder when they learn this normal looking man is a crazed and beyond smart serial killer that is upset his trophy has been killed. Chaos ensues as the criminals now become the hunted in their own home. Brutal and beautiful at the same time as I give it 3 1/2 stars.

 

The Machine (DVD) – Its the future and a very bright doctor named Vincent McCarthy is doing research and trying to develop A.I. that will like a human. Lots of tries but it always thinks like a computer. He wants it to be logical. He dreams of a cyborg of sorts that you cannot tell the difference. But also too he is trying make a program, a chip, or parts that would form with the human brain, arm, leg to become one with them. The good doctor is trying this on war vets that have no hope of brain function or missing limbs and no where else to turn. Of course the government that is funding the project wants it as a weapon. The government’s goal is to defeat China in this not too distant future. While looking for an assistant or testing them Dr. McCarthy finds Ava, a woman who has a program of her own that is fond of the good doctor and how he treats the program as an equal. When the higher ups feel Ava and Vincent are getting to close they kill Ava. Dr. McCarthy knows this and builds a prototype robot with Ava in mind. From there the film gets very interesting as it does not take the usual twists you would expect. Enjoyable flick that may explain this reality is not as far away as we common people think as I give it 3 1/2 stars.

 

It Stains the Sands Red (DVD) – A different kind of zombie flick where a woman forms a relationship with a random zombie out in the desert. When her and the boyfriend get stuck in the sand on the side of the highway they are attacked by a lone zombie. Before I go on I must explain the film opens up with the zombie apocalypse hitting in Vegas and these two are trying to make it to an air field to fly to Mexico! Once the boyfriend is bitten and the woman travels into the desert she spends most of the movie roaming the desert and talking to this lone zombie that keeps shambling along to her. The film goes on a bit long but I did enjoy the story of the relationship that is formed between the woman and the zombie. I give it 2 1/2 stars.

 

Zombie Massacre 2: Reich of the Dead (DVD) – The zombie flick should have been called the “Reich of poop” as the movie was not much about anything. Mainly about a team of soldiers trapped in a building by Nazi zombie experiments. Not really worth your time zombie fans and go back and watch “Frankenstein’s Army” you will thank me later as I give this 0 stars.

 

Master of the Drunken Fist: Beggar So (DVD) – A story about a rich kid ‘So Chan’ who has everything but also is a great fighter. But when the these fighters get together in front of their king and he gets screwed over he wants to get back at them after he is forced to be nothing. He gets together with a rogue settlement of people who believe in equality and drunken boxing or fighting. He learns this skill so he get his revenge. Cool action flick but without Jackie Chan the movie just seems like it is missing something the whole time you are viewing it. I give it 2 stars.

Brutal Relax (Vimeo) – From the makers of one of the best films of 2017 “Fist of Jesus” in my mind that I watched, comes this beautiful gem! A man is told by his doctor he needs to relax so this man heads to the beach in his white underwear, sits on the beach, and listens to music. He loves it, he is relaxing… Then ugly creatures come from the sea and begin a brutal bloody gore filled massacre on the beach. Our main character still sits blissfully unaware of whats going on as people are running for their lives and being ripped a aprt and feasted on! The creatures luck changes for the bad when the man’s music stops and he stands up in a fit of rage and takes it out on the creatures. Once again brilliant, beautiful, fun, amazing, and down right entertaining. For me 2018 has started off right with this short film as I give it 4 out of 4 stars. For more details on this project and the great “Fist of Jesus” head over to http://www.fistofjesus.com .

Death Cases (DVD) – A creepy and a little sleazy flick from Russia that is hosted by a man known as the ‘Gravedigger’ takes you the viewer through real stories of death. Think of it as a another branch of the genre that has titles such as “Faces of Death”, “Necromantik”, and “Traces of Death”. The blends together brutal scenes of tapes, footage, voiceovers, and pictures of different demented psychos along some of their own footage in it to connect together. Fans of Toe Tag Pictures’ “August Underground” and “The Murder Collection” may think this the lost film of Fred Vogel and company which is a good thing. Alex Wesley goes for the jugular again in his latest project that will find an audience that will be foaming at the mouth to watch over and over again as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Independent horror fans it is coming… GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out http://www.grossfest.com for all the details!

Welcome to Gross Movie Reviews’ Best of 2017 list!

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As usual a few people will be pissed, a few will be excited, and quite a bunch of yinz will be baffled still to this day what the hell I watch…

 

Gross Movie Reviews Top Ten Movie list of 2017


1) Don’t Kill It (On Demand) – Mike Mendez and Dolph Lundgren together for a supernatural horror film equals horror GOLD! Dolph Lundgren aka Mr. Woodley the Demon Hunter rolls into a small Mississippi town looking for a demon that have cause a triple homicide three times in one week. We learn the demon cannot be killed as if you kill the person it possesses you become possessed. So this mucks things up as Mr. Woodley must be able to capture the demon by committing suicide. Mr. Woodley comes from a family of demon hunters who have done this for years and he has been trying to figure out what he can do with this demon so no one can let it loose again. Woodley has trouble trying to explain to the small town folk that you just can’t going blasting it away which leads into an awesome bloodbath at “Town Hall” that will make horror fans drool! Congrats Mr. Mendez and Dolph your film will most likely make my best of 2017 movie list as I give this bad ass horror film 4 stars! It is like someone gave the TV show ‘Supernatural’ Grade A steroids and Dolph Lundgren.

2) Get Out (On Demand) – Well this flick lived up to its hype and don’t trust those rich white people! The film is written, directed, and produced by Jordan Peele who takes a simple concept and turns it into a great fucked up movie. And I love all the social awkwardness placed into the scenes. But the simple horror film is about Chris, a young black man going with his white girlfriend to her parents’ house to meet them. The parents a little off and try a little too hard to make Chris comfortable but are or seem to be normal rich white folks. But for Chris something always seems a little off or not right? One night Chris takes a walk outside to smoke and run into the girlfriend’s mom who hypnotizes Chris to stop smoking. It works but things still seem weird as Chris’s brother agrees also believing his brother is going to be a sex slave or some shit too these rich white people? From there the film gets a little weirder as Chris finds himself questioning all the white folk that come for the party and the things he sees… And if there is another thing you take away from the film: “Don’t trust rich skinny girls”, they are fucked up. A very simple but effective horror film that is clearly one of the best of 2017 as I give it 4 stars.

3a) Garden Party Massacre (DVD/Vimeo) – Filmmaker Gregory Blair gives us a film about a couple (Caleb and Addison) who are having a small gathering that the theme is ‘no cell phones’. The party is all about people interacting with each other. The socially awkward party begins when all the characters show up and begin eating until a psycho with a pick axe shows up and kills the annoying girl. Now Caleb and Addison and fellow guests must figure out how to escape the house and make a run for it as the psycho killer has them trapped. The killer wants blood, the guests are in a state of panic, and Mr. Blair throws a curve ball when the party guests learn it’s a prank gone wrong and much more happens. I would to say more but then I would just be giving away the movie. Blair and company make great use of the house and backyard but the story set up and the actors playing the characters are the gems of this movie. The actors should be proud of what they done because they were simply entertaining and made this typical horror movie into so much more! I was just happy to see a movie with a title like this made but for the horror flick to be this much fun was just icing or blood on top of the red velvet cake (watch the movie you’ll understand). Plain and simple the movie was fucking brilliant and may show up on my “Best of 2017 list” as I give it 4 out of 4 stars. Go to http://www.gardenpartymassacrefilm.com for more details.

3b) Pool Party Massacre (Blu-ray) – A low budget horror film made in the spirit of “Slumber Party Massacre”. And the 8-Bit intro was absolutely beautiful. From the start you can see filmmaker Drew Marvick is a fan of “Slumber Party Massacre” with all the nods. Especially when a few of the scenes at the beginning of the film where the killer stalks the young ladies getting ready for the pool party brings back memories of such a great film. But the meat of the film is a rich bitch wants to have a pool party with all her wannabe reality star girlfriends. Have some champagne, look hot, and hang by the pool. The cool idea of a pool party becomes “worst pool party ever” when a killer is stalking all the guests. The killer stalks them all one by one including killing a man with a drill while the guy is jerking off. This beautiful movie was a love letter to my 15 year old self with the gore, the unseen killer, the music, the nods to the early slasher films, the packaging from box art to tagline, and the commentary with mom is excellent! My only complaint of the film might be some of the dialogue scenes that got a little boring but then I do remember “It is a fucking movie called Pool Party Massacre”… I believe Drew and company did one hell of a job of making an entertaining and Slumber Party worthy horror flick that needs to be seen by all! Thank yinz and my god Rutger Hauer for making this film exist and for that I give it 4 out of 4 stars and can be found at http://www.poolpartymassacre.com .

4) Fist of Jesus (You Tube) – A Spanish short film about Jesus trying to help resurrect a woman’s son, only for him to become a zombie. Next thing you know we have Roman zombies, Cowboy zombies, all kinds of zombies. And Jesus must kick zombie ass and save his friend Judas. The film was influenced by Peter Jackson and a well worth of wasting 15 minutes of your time on You Tube. But while watching notice the production, the effects, all impressive in my opinion! Check out http://www.fistofjesus.com as I give it 4 out of 4 gory stars.

5)The Creep Behind the Camera (Blu-ray) – An amazing reenactment documentary about filmmaker Vic Savage aka A.J. Nelson aka Arthur White aka most likely had a few other names. Otherwise a film that documents the insanity behind the making of a bad movie of 1964’s “The Creeping Terror” before stuff like “Troll 2” and “Cursed” were even thought of. Vic gets the filmmaking bug and moves himself and his first wife out to Hollywood during the 50s to make “the biggest monster movie anyone has seen!” Never mind the bad movie as much as Vic Savage was a complete psycho, womanizer, drug addict, drunk, con man! True stories told by living cast members, his first wife, producer, etc. Vic Savage was such a complete maniac that his monster maker stole his own creation during filming because he wasn’t paid, change actresses, sets, hung out with Charles Manson (before we all knew who he was), god complex, threesomes, Vic was completely insane. So insane he disappears into the night leaving what was considered the finished product/film in the garage with no sound, slate, etc. This is stuff that could not be made up about a film that is one of the first two movies I can legitimately remember watching. This film started it all for me and to watch this and learn of this insanity just made me absolutely love this documentary! It is beautiful insanity that needs to be watch and rewatched to be believed! There is lots of cool extras on the Blu-ray: The Creeping Terror movie of course but my favorite extra “How to Build a Carpet Monster”. Once again, Synapse Films does not disappoint as I give this wonderful package 4 out of 4 stars and can be found at www.synapse-films.com .

6) The Guardians (DVD) – A Russian version of ‘The Avengers’ that features a man that turns into a bear, has a machine gun and a woman on his back killing evil persons while running through Moscow! Yep, I am sold and do not need to say anymore but I will. After the Russians entered the war in 1940 scientists were doing secret genetic research. After several failed experiments over the years a scientist goes rogue and starts to use people to further his experiments. When the military tries to intervene the scientist gets caught in a chemical explosion and becomes a part of his own experiment only to disappear until now. During a high tech military exercise this monster reappears and takes control of all machines killing all involved and disappears. So the Russian military forms a team of superheroes Nick Fury style: Ler – a man who can move rocks and things and uses them as weapons or a suit. Khan – a guy who has swords and can move like the wind. Kseniya – who is able to regulate her body temperature? And my favorite because he looks like a character from the Sega game “Altered Beast” Arsus (I believe that is how it’s spelled) – is a man who turns into a thing with a bear head and when he is really pissed off turns into a giant grizzly bear! They must take down the former scientist Kuratov now evil monster mastermind who also made them into what they are. Kuratov wants to take over Moscow then the world and make more troops like him. His goal in accomplishing this is using an old Reagan satellite in space left over from the “Star Wars program”. First time around The Guardians is defeated quickly but they reset things and prepare differently to become a team and defeat this evil Kuratov before it’s too late. The movie is a brilliant comic book-style popcorn flick that fits right in with the Marvel and DC universes! I absolutely loved this exciting flick as I give it 4 stars. Come one for the love of Rutger Hauer you have a bear with a machine gun you know this is gonna make my “Best movies of 2017 list”.

7) Logan (Theater) – Damn this movie was really good! We are thrusted into the year 2029 where there is no more mutants (not fully explained but pay attention there are hints), Logan is a drunk and old and old Professor X is a babbling swearing idoit in Mexico. Wolverine just wants to make enough money to buy a boat for Professor X and himself and end it all. Calls it their only safe place left. But one night Logan is approached by a woman who wants to pay him for safe passage to a location in North Dakota for unknown reasons. After a second encounter he is introduced to a little girl named Laura, a mutant. Not wanting anything to do with this Logan takes the money knowing full well people will come looking and wanting to kill him and Professor X. But Laura aka X-23 is what Professor X has been ranting about and believes she is the answer, the hope they look for? Reluctantly as Logan knows he is dying he drives Professor X and the mutant Laura north to get them to Canada. But as Logan learns more about her he begins to feel for her as he knows she will have to face what he has always tried to run from? The film is by far the most violent of any X-men related films or Marvel (exception of Blade). The film is gritty, real, and just a bad ass superhero film that I know I have wanted (because of X-23) but fans of Wolverine for quite a while. This stand-alone movie proves violent comic book movies can be made and make a shitload of cash for the Hollywood execs! I won’t say it is the best flick of 2017 but don’t be surprised it shows up on my list at the end of the year as I give 4 stars.

8) Trespassers (DVD) – This fantastic short film is from Zane Hershberger (for the love of Rutger Hauer you know I am fucking that name up) and is a segment of a horror anthology called “10/31”. A couple is out at the local movie theater trying to enjoy a good scary movie but have picked a dud. So still looking for something to put a little fear in their lives on the best night of the year, Halloween they go for a drive out to a farm. This farm isn’t any farm it has a horrible history of a scarecrow popping mysteriously on the land and eventually Old Man Martin murdered his family and committed suicide. But what is about this creepy scarecrow that makes the local story so interesting this couple wants to know? Pretty creepy and well thought out Halloween short film reminds me of a cool little known horror flick from the late-80s called “Scarecrows” and for that I give 4 out of 4 stars.

9) The Void (DVD) – An extremely vague but interesting horror film that has some of the best movie creatures since ‘The Thing’? A man is picked up along a dark road and brought into a closing hospital by a small town police officer. Things only get stranger when the man does not wanna quit babbling and the police officer is attacked by a person in a white sheet outside. Once the doctor and nurses stop the bleeding on the officer more of these people in white sheets show up. Meanwhile another nurse goes nuts, rips her face off and stabs a patient in his eye killing him and that’s when it gets even weirder??? Two guys show up bitching about a massacre, a huge disgusting creature steals the state trooper and begins feeding on him, and apparently the good doctor of the hospital is the next Pinhead!? Fun and gruesomely entertaining film! My only drawback with the film is you must pay attention to pick up on some of the happenings because I would have liked a little more explanation. But this film is easily the new horror generation’s ‘Hellraiser’? I give this amazing creature filled film 3 ½ stars and most likely be somewhere on my “Best of 2017 movie list”.

10a) Bonehill Road (Vimeo) – Todd Mother F’N Sheets reaches into the depths of his mind and pulls out this latest project of an old school werewolf film. The film centers on a mother and daughter who are escaping an abusive relationship. On the road to grandpa’s house they meet a creepy dude at a rest stop (which I believe happens to all of us at least once) and believe they just narrowly missed hitting a bear? Shortly after the narrow miss a tire blows out and they hit a tree. The women take a few to get their senses and try to figure out what they should do but that so-called bear comes back to haunt them or I should say werewolf. On the run the ladies find a house but their luck is worse than they think when creepy dude from rest stop is the owner and has his own serial killer thing going on. These women have already been battle tested and know what is outside is worse than inside. Once the madman is dispatched in a rather gruesome manner its back to figuring out how to fight off these werewolves who are trying to break their way into the home. I absolutely enjoyed this werewolf flick. I would compare to Todd’s film to another werewolf flick “Wolfen” or “Bad Moon”. Mr. Sheets went for a more story driven werewolf flick and when it pays off it more than pays off with a scene in the kitchen. While a woman recently bitten transforms another not one but two werewolves shot in 100% light wander into the kitchen and it is a beautiful thing. Most independent werewolf films have to hide their monster. Hell most mainstream flicks do the same but Todd Sheets made sure you got the money shot and more with this scene. Todd absolutely delivered on a giving horror fans an entertaining treat of a werewolf film. And yes horror fans the film is a little slow but again the film is more story driven than gore driven but you will get your blood, guts, and cannibalism! A couple other cool tidbits to the film are the end credits scene with fake Gene Simmons again and they have a “stunt werewolf” thanks to Mr. Steele. Todd Mother F’N Sheets did again and I think fans will be pleased with his old school werewolf flick as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

10b) Knock Knock (On Demand) – No folks this isn’t that terrible Keanu Reeves movie we all lured into watching last year. This film is something much better! 2012 “Dorm of the Dead’s” Toby Canto makes his return back to the independent horror genre with this great gem. A story of misfits living in an apartment complex. An old boxer named “Stonefist” Sam is turning 60 today. Not the most pleasant person returns home to his weirdo neighbor Oliva hanging out in his apartment complaining about a vampire living across the hall. She can’t make her mind up if its Dracula or just a hot vampire living next door as she has been watching him worried he will kill her. As Sam tries to calm her down another weirdo neighbor Dragon busts in with his bag of goodies to kill the vampire and blurts out this great quote “Fucking Draculas Bro”! He also has stories of Dracula living next door including ripping his “Missing in Action” poster off of his front door. Once Gretchen stops by the scene is set as Oliva stole a package that was left for the vampire. As the four argue the vamp knocks on Sam’s door to nicely get the package but that goes horribly wrong when he was already invited to an apartment complex party. Sam doesn’t believe the neighbor is a vamp until the vamp tries to bring hell down on the four and Sam shows why he was nicknamed “Stonefist”. After they beaten the vamp down and tie him up they warn him to just be a good neighbor or leave? The credits role and we all find out the vamp has friends as a war takes place in the apartment. Smart production, hilarious script and characters, and the actors were down right fucking awesome and perfect for these parts! This flick had me laughing my balls off the whole time watching it. Toby I hope all of us horror fans get to see more projects from you as this is one of the best independent horror projects I have seen in 2017. I give this flick 3 ½ out of 4 stars. Check out Pop Art Pictures Facebook page for more details on the film.

 

The notable movies that still deserve a mention

 

Hectic Knife (DVD) – Let’s be honest folks most of us are Troma fans and we know Troma pretty much has become a distributor of independent films. Hey Troma has to survive just like any other small movie company. 99% of the time the newer Troma stuff that is released is to make them money and keep them afloat and really doesn’t have anything to do with the Troma legacy? Well folks, I am to say ‘Hectic Knife’ is a different but Troma-like film that has come out of nowhere. The film is about a new knife-swinging superhero named ‘Hectic Knife’. He kills rapists, gangsters, junkies, but like the rest of us normal people he has to pay bills, needs a roommate, struggles with all the killing, and no girlfriend. But when ‘Hectic Knife’ comes into contact with a professional baddie named ‘The Piggly Doctor’ he must risk his own life to defeat this new baddie. Hilarious over-the-top violence, bad jokes, bagels, a hippie, and the vibe the film gives off while watching it is like the stuff of second generation Troma films. Let me explain: first generation is “Toxic Avenger and Class of Nuke ‘em High”, second generation is “Tromeo and Juliet and Sgt. Kabukiman”. It fits in with the 90s Troma stuff which is a good thing. The movie just has that Troma vibe that makes you wonder if Lloyd may have been on set. Troma should be more than happy adding this feature to this their library it’s one of the few flicks that understand what Troma is all about and for that I am thankful! I give this fun flick 3 ½ out of 4 stars and definitely one of the better films of 2017! Go get it now folks http://www.troma.com as there isn’t enough good things I can say about this independent flick.

 

Attack of the Killer Donuts (DVD) – To put it simply it is the new version of ‘Attack of the Killer Tomatoes’ and there isn’t anything wrong with that folks. Michelle and Johnny work at a donut shop called “Dandy Donuts”. Pretty much Michelle and Johnny are the only two employees who are willing to put up with the public and the shitty boss. Meanwhile Johnny’s Uncle Luther is a mad scientist who has developed a breakthrough serum that turns a mouse into a man-eating rat. Luther comes to Dandy Donuts looking for Johnny and accidentally gets some of the serum into the deep fryer… Presto, changeo! We got killer donuts! The little doughy bastards now have teeth and they are pissed humans have been eating them for years. So the donuts go on an eating spree whether it’s the lonely fat lady in lingerie or C. Thomas Howell as a police officer the donuts are eating through everyone. The only people that can stop these bastards is love sick friends Michelle and Johnny and Johnny’s best friend who is banging Johnny’s mom. So okay maybe it is ‘Attack of the Killer Tomatoes’ with ‘Gingerdead Man’ added into the mix but it’s one fucking hilarious horror movie that you will not want to miss in 2017! My only problem with the whole film is the ending that never ends as of course Michelle and Johnny end up together but the bedroom scene goes on way too long like its padding out running time or something? Outside of that I absolutely love this flick and the poster fucking rocks as I give this beautiful horror film 3 ½ stars. Still on the fence if this makes my “Best of 2017 list”?

 

Kill Show (YouTube) – A short film that features a young woman’s struggle with her perverted mind frame of being a clown. The film takes you into her mental breakdown and she gets off on hearing about her random killing spree that can only end in one way. She wants to be known/remembered, not forgotten. Todd Braley and crew do a wonderful job of making this an interesting and creepy short film that makes you want to know more about this young woman’s story. What adds to the feel of the flick is the way the film was shot as it felt like the crew might have been trying to give the viewer a unique disturbing view into her madness. Wonderful stuff from Mr. Braley and hope there is a lot more coming for film fans. I give the short film 3 ½ out of 4 stars and you can rent it at http://www.reelhouse.org/infinitymediaprods/kill-show .

 

The Foreigner (DVD) – Possibly one of the most underrated flicks of 2017 I did not see coming. Jackie Chan is driving his daughter to a shop to pick up her dress. He has a slight car accident out front when a bomb goes off inside the dress shop killing his daughter and several others. From here you are expecting Jackie Chan to go all Jackie Chan but he doesn’t. Jackie just wants answers! Meanwhile Pierce Bronson is Irish dude who is in with the British government mainly to try and keep the peace between the Irish extremists lets say and the Brits? For most of the movie you are not totally sure if Pierce’s asshole charcter is behind the bombing or just trying distance himself from it as he was one of these extremists 30 years ago. But Jackie wants answers and everyday sits in this lobby waiting. When he doesn’t get the answers he wants and no one has been found that did the bombings Jackie begins to stalk Pierce’s character. And again you are expecting the wild acting, stunts, and so on but his character being 60 years old gives up his restaurant and starts a one man crusade of just fucking people up! Think “Taken” but if possible done in a better way? It can be debated whether this is a better version of “Taken” just for the mere reason Jackie Chan goes away from what he is known for and becomes possibly a bigger bad ass than he ever was with this hardcore action/drama flick. Kudos to Jackie Chan because I did not see such a flick coming this late in his career as I give it 3 1/2 stars.

 

Worst movie of 2017: Jeepers Creepers 3

Gross Movie Reviews #423

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Gross Movie Reviews #423

Invasion of the Mindbenders (VHS) – A lower budgeted teen comedy from the likes of a producer from “Spookies”. Her name is Genie Joesph and from the stories we have heard over the years from cast members and crew of “Spookies” she was not well liked. But apparently not too long after being on set of my favorite 80s horror movies she set forth to do this weirdo comedy where the backdrop is a high school of unruly students are ruining the school. Or at least according to the principal and its all beacuse of that damn rock-n-roll. In steps in Dr. Gunbow and his experimental sounds that make even the toughest students into straight A students in mere days. With the principal desperate and tired of our two main characters Crash and Frankie he allows the experiment to happen one day in detention. Anyone that listens mellows out and becomes the perfect student except for Crash and Frankie as they have headphones. Once there is no more rukus in the school Crash and Frankie become suspicous, grab their nerd friend and investigate. Meanwhile the principal likes the results and wants to speed up the results which causes literally a GLOW wrestling match to break out in the high school salon. The B-grade film has its hilarious moments and is worth watching for two reasons: one if you are a “Spookies” fan this gives you some random weird triva to what happened to one of the producers. And second we get the great quote from Crash and Frankie when asked what can be done to change the students back to normal, “My first idea was to have everyone jerk off!” Might not be the best high school hijinks flick out there but worth the scavenger hunt if you ae a “Spookies” fan? I give it 2 stars.

Hamburger: The Motion Picture (DVD) – Possibly put out there as a sex comedy but doesn’t give you the goods nearly as much as a “Pivate School” or “Hardbodies” but that is secondary to what makes this great flick work. We are introduce to Russell, he has been kicked out four colleges now and if he doesn’t get his degree and can’t inherit $250,000. Russell constantly keeps getting busted having sex with all the hot girls. You know how we all have this problem? But anyway Russell heads down to ‘Busterburger’ for a meal (clearly making fun of McDonald’s from the opening credits and theme song) and sees there is an actual Busterburger University where you can get a degree. So after not banging the cashier he fills out his application and off to the campus Russell goes. But Russell gets some bad news as Dick Butkus is his drill instructor and has it in for Russell and his sex crazed roommate. Here at Busterburger they learn how to make burgers, keep the customer happy, how to say “put that cookie down mother fucker”, and become the best employee possible. Completely ridiculous and hilarious with the film’s climax being when a bus full of fat people showing up to eat at the Busterburger test site, with the bikers following, then the cops. Of course the movie is dated and if you are over 25 you won’t get most of what is going on? But this is a great look into what people thought of McDonald’s in the mid-80s and the film has possibly the random but funniest characters to attend a burger coolege… I give this beautiful film 3 stars.

The Foreigner (DVD) – Possibly one of the most underrated flicks of 2017 I did not see coming. Jackie Chan is driving his daughter to a shop to pick up her dress. He has a slight car accident out front when a bomb goes off inside the dress shop killing his daughter and several others. From here you are expecting Jackie Chan to go all Jackie Chan but he doesn’t. Jackie just wants answers! Meanwhile Pierce Bronson is Irish dude who is in with the British government mainly to try and keep the peace between the Irish extremists lets say and the Brits? For most of the movie you are not totally sure if Pierce’s asshole charcter is behind the bombing or just trying distance himself from it as he was one of these extremists 30 years ago. But Jackie wants answers and everyday sits in this lobby waiting. When he doesn’t get the answers he wants and no one has been found that did the bombings Jackie begins to stalk Pierce’s character. And again you are expecting the wild acting, stunts, and so on but his character being 60 years old gives up his restaurant and starts a one man crusade of just fucking people up! Think “Taken” but if possible done in a better way? It can be debated whether this is a better version of “Taken” just for the mere reason Jackie Chan goes away from what he is known for and becomes possibly a bigger bad ass than he ever was with this hardcore action/drama flick. Kudos to Jackie Chan because I did not see such a flick coming this late in his career as I give it 3 1/2 stars.

Insomniac (Vimeo) – A thriller that runs a little over 30 minutes about a man named Roger who has sleeping issues. Like a lot of people with a sleep condition it can really fuck with your perception of reality. Roger keeps getting these weird visions from time to time that makes him call this doctor he found on a busines card named Dr. Pleasance. Roger goes to see him and gets this new experimental drug from Dr. Pleasance. But the good doctor has some underlying thoughts behind why he gives Roger the experimental drug? The drug doesn’t help Roger as much as intensify his odd visions that get more and more bizarre. A dark trip into an injuried mind from filmmaker Mathew Fisher as I give it 3 out 4 stars. Catch up with the people behind the film at: http://www.facebook.com/BoomBasticFilms .

Death Racers (DVD) – Its 2033, and some dumb ass built a jail on top of a water treament plant where Raven from ECW aka Scott Levy aka The Reaper is the lord there. He plans on releasing a toxin into the water supply killing everyone in the whole state. So the state governor has a race, a “DEATH RACE” to have four teams race to capture or kill The Reaper before he contaminates the water supply. Oh yeah two reasons your ass will watch this shitty trainwreck and laugh like I did: First, most of the car chases and kills are filmed in Asylum Entertainment’s parking lot. And second, Insane Clown Posse is one of the four teams! 1 star for complete crap and 3 stars for making me laugh my ass off for over 80 minutes.

Wonder Woman (DVD) – Even though it was a prequel and didn’t have any interest seeing it in the theater I did still wanted to see it. And I was right… It’s the one thing DC cannot fuck up in their movie universe. The casting of the Wonder Woman character, the origin story, not playing down the importance of the character in the superhero world, all great stuff for popcorn movie goers. This movie explains how this young woman leaves her Amazonian land to help a man and his friends to stop a diaster that is about to happen at the end of WWI. And find and destroy Aries. DC Universe gimme a sequel because I am too hungover for wasting my time explaining why this film should have been introduced before “Batman vs Superman”? Go watch this great film again as I give 3 1/2 stars.

Death Race 2 (DVD) – Since I gave the remake another chance I thought it was time to watch the sequels to the remakes which are actually prequels… WTF? Luke Goss is this no nonsense bad dude who works for great character actor Sean Bean. A bank robbery goes horribly wrong and Goss’s character is sent to jail but not any jail a place that is for the worst of the worst. A former Miss Universe has come up with an idea for not just a news story but a TV show for Ving Rhames and his studios that are floundering. Miss Universe controls the ‘fight to the death’ matches inside and puts them on live TV. Meanwhile, Bean’s character puts out a hit on Goss wanting him dead. Once the ratings go down for the death matches, “Death Race” is born where Goss can flourish with the help of Danny Trejo. Goss’s character gets into a horrible crash where he burns alive and we get a “Too be continued” after everyone involved basically dies or you believes die. The movie is watchable as I give it 2 stars.

Death Race 3: Inferno (DVD) – This flick continues the storyline where e see not only the ‘Death Race’ is born but the ‘Frankenstein’ character is born. But someone likes this idea of the ‘Death Race’ and wants to make it global. And he wants all the characters to race in I believe Africa? Baha Racing… I can’t remember but they are in some remote area of the world. But the point is Danny Trejo, Luke Goss, and others come up with an idea to not only break out, but to make it look like they died, and create another ‘Frankenstein’ for the race so the race can keep living. Again this was watchable but was actually looking to see a true sequel but believe that crap called “Death Race 2050” may have killed anything of the sorts. So if needed just go back and watch “Deathsport” with David Carradine, old you would as I give this 2 stars.

DJ Stan Da Man (YouTube/DVD) – Stan is a guy who believes he is the best DJ in town for the wedding/party world. Stan believes he knows what is best for every party he is working at. But what makes this film work is the cast of supporting characters Stan works with and sometimes fights with. They are not just throw away characters but interesting supporting characters that are well written as they have their own little subplots. This helps take the viewer through the highs and lows of Stan’s life. DJ Stan believes he is an untouchable person in his line of work until he is finally fired. But as always our titled character finds a way to survive. This independent film isn’t the usual stuff I watch but always cool to watch something out of my comfort zone worth watching. The film proves that Mr. Fisher is willing to take a chance on a film that doesn’t fit a genre but also is able to craft interesting characters with their own subplots. This is a prime example of an independent feature that I would throw out there in conversation for movie viewers looking for something non-horror as I give this 2 1/2 out of 4 stars. Plus I believe this is the first film I have watched outside of “The Wedding Singer” that takes you on the inside of the DJ/wedding/party world. Catch up with the people behind the film at: http://www.facebook.com/BoomBasticFilms .

Dogged (Vimeo/DVD) – The film revolves around a college kid named Sam who comes back home for a funeral. Sam is from an island community where not many leave and stay their whole lives. From the beginning when Sam is back everyone seems to have their own little secret or secrets. Rachel the pastor’s daughter is a little upset that Sam left in the first place. But also Rachel needs to tell Sam something but they keep being interupted. As weird things keep happening and the pastor’s actions keep geting weirder by the minute the pastor wants to assure Sam its in his best interest to stay away from Rachel. If that wasn’t enough Sam’s parents missed the tide and cannot get back to the island the next day but want Sam to still go to the local festival the pastor holds. Eventually Sam finds himself out in the woods and finds some strange cult shit going down. Before Sam can do anything about it Father David has Sam and Rachel tied up and about to be murdered for some offering. The film has this weird cool “Wicker Man” maybe even “The Devil’s Rain” vibe to it but believe some editing of the two hour movie could help give it a little more creepier vibe. Father David keeps the creepiness going throughout but I feel like we could have had a couple more scenes of Sam’s father total weirdness explained. Overall an enertaining story driven cult film that will find its audience. Me personally I would like it shorter but that can debated. I give the UK flick 2 1/2 out of 4 stars.

The Belko Experiment (DVD) – A well crafted film about mostly US workers in another country working at the Belko Compnay that could be or not be a government experiment. Just another typical day at work until all the locals are sent home or stayed home supposedly for a soccer game? Then a voice comes over the speakers saying you have 30 minutes to kill someone and these steel walls seal up the building. When people don’t listen they start blowing people’s heads off from the tracking devices inside their heads. After so much time goes by a certain amount of people must be killed if not everyone basically dies. So of course everyone turns on each other and it becoming a huge slaughter. Great gory flick, but this is a beauitful reminder to the folks out there this is happening! We are being tracked constantly and this will or already has happened somewhere. Because its in the water man and don’t forget those weirdos getting the chip place in their hand so they can pay for groceries without their wallet! I might be crazy but this film only feeds into what I believe goes on behind closed doors with the dark side of our own government and those 1%… Oh yeah I give this 3 stars.

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………
Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.
Independent horror fans it is coming… GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out http://www.grossfest.com for all the details!

No Rondos… But we do have four new shows for you!

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We have been gone for almost a month but we’re back!  Due to Kyle’s job being shut down for some time due to a tornado almost destroying the place that sends us supplies to operate and our audio hosting site having technical problems for the last week (Kyle suspects they are all drunk over at talkshoe.com)  we wanted to know that we are are still very much alive.  But for the time being you can stream or download the show from our site, but, they won’t be on Stitcher until the alcoholics over at talkshoe put down the bottle and get that intervention that they so very much need.  So untill that happens enjoy the 4 new episodes… cause we got god damn RONDO AWARDS to lose over here at bloodbaths and boomsticks central!
 
Thanks for listening and writing in and we will continuing to listen.  were gonna be around for a long time.

 

Kyle

This week we are dropping 4 new episodes due to our audio hosting site screwing up, and Kyle’s job has been destroyed for the time being by a tornado.  But that won’t stop us as we bring you and episode in which we talk about the return of a beloved horror series in CULT OF CHUCKY.  Aind the latest in the found footage horror in THE MONSTER PROJECT.  Also we read your questions and peruse the week that was.



(NOTE: episode 247, 248, 249, and 250 wont be streamable from our site nor on stitcher for the time being due to our audio hosting site being all jacked up.)

 

This week we are back with 2 more pieces of weirdo cinema.  The first being the cornerstone in a pretty decent franchise starring one of our favorite duded Andrew Divoff in WISHMASTER.  The second is a  strange trip of a flick directed by genre stalwart Jeff Lieberman in BLUE SUNSHINE.  Also we review the week that was, and answer your listener questions.  So download this or else your hair will fall out because of that time you dabbled in LSD in high school. 

 

 

This week we ask whe question… “WHATS IN THE BOX???” as we review 3 movies about weird mystery boxes in them (we’re really kinda running out of theme ideas here).  The first being this years movie that asks the question what if the final destination series fucked the Wishmaster series in WISH UPON.  Then we talk about a Jewish demon possession flick in THE POSSESSION.  And finally Kyle was dragged to the theater to see the latest in the saw series in JIGSAW.  Also we do the normal ramblings of news, listener questions and perusing the recent weeks viewing habits.  So download this show or Jigsaw will return from the dead for the 127th time.

This week we are celebrating thanksgiving like all the other american dullards are…. by celebrating Christmas a month early instead!  So we bring to you 2 Christmas fright flicks to  binge upon way earlier than you should.  First being this years BETTER WATCH OUT.  and the second being the remake to Bob Clarke’s all time classic in BLACK X-MAS 2006 cause Kyle says it’s awesome and everybody is wrong about it (just like  THUNDERDOME)!  We also do the normal rotation of what we watched in the last week, answer your listener questions, and get to some movie related news (Spoiler Alert, people get touched in the naughty bits).  So download this episode or that crazy grandpa from Silent Night Deadly Night will punish you!

 

http://www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

 

 

Guest announcement for Grossfest 2018!

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For our next guest announcement for Grossfest we wanted someone that may haven’t been to the area or someone that isn’t a convention regular or just someone yinz may not be expecting… maybe a known figure among Indy gorehounds so I introduce yinz to writer/director Brian Paulin! Mr. Paulin might be best known for such independent hit films “Bone Sickness” and “Fetus” but I remember this good man when I first seen the 2000’s “At Dawn They Sleep”. My review of the film wasn’t favorable but believed Mr. Paulin had the passion and drive to make some cool scary features. And Brian has as his films punch you in the face with amazing and possibly disturbing to some folks gore effects… I have yet to see his latest films “Blood Pigs” and “Cryptic Plasm” but the covers will bring out the teenage metalhead inside of you. Brian is the founder of Morbid Vision Films and we are proud to have him at our show. http://www.morbidvisionfilms.com

 

Go to http://www.grossfest.com for info on vendor spaces, where to send your film submission too, or hotel info!

Terror Films brings you two documentaries…

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LOS ANGELES, CA (November 21, 2017): Terror Films, in association with documentary filmmaker Seth Breedlove, is widening the platform availability of two creature myth documentaries. The documentaries are titled: BOGGY CREEK MONSTER and THE MOTHMAN OF POINT PLEASANT. Both films will begin their release expansion on Tuesday, November 21st.

BOGGY CREEK MONSTER documents the legend of the Fouke Monster – a creature first reported on in the early 1970’s in Fouke, Arkansas. There are allegations that this Bigfoot type creature attacked a local family and then destroyed livestock. Later many more sightings were reported and a legend was born!

THE MOTHMAN OF POINT PLEASANT deals with a different monster that was originally sighted near Point Pleasant, West Virginia. In 1966, multiple townspeople reported seeing “a large flying man with ten-foot wings whose eyes glowed red.” Legend claims that the Mothman is responsible for the 1967 collapse of the Silver Bridge that killed 46 people. It still roams somewhere to this day.

Both of these documentaries were written, edited and directed by Seth Breedlove as part of his Small Town Monsters series. They are both available now, for viewing on most digital platforms.

In their ongoing effort to bring the best and most diverse indie horror content to the masses, Terror Films will release these films across multiple digital platforms. North American platforms include:  iTunes, Google Play/YouTube and X-Box Live. This release will be followed up by another,  a worldwide digital release through iFlix.  The genre distributor is sharing the official posters and trailers for these documentaries here:


The BOGGY CREEK MONSTER trailer:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YqniiFAlK5o

 

The official THE MOTHMAN OF POINT PLEASANT trailer:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQ6TCbxBEnw

 

A homepage for the films: http://smalltownmonsters.com/

 

For more information on Terror Films, visit: www.terrorfilms.net

 

And here: www.facebook.com/TerrorFilmsLLC/

 

Gross Movie Reviews #422

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Gross Movie Reviews #422

 

The Mechanik (DVD) – Dolph Lundgren stars and directs in this action thriller about a retired Russian Special Forces dude whose family was killed by the mob. So he goes about killing all involved or so he thinks? Seven years later he is a normal car mechanic in L.A. where a rich Russian lady tracks him down and asks for Dolph to go save her kidnapped daughter. The same dude that killed Dolph’s family is the same dude that kidnapped the daughter and Dolph must go back to Russia. Once there he hooks up with Ben Cross and they gather a team to go take on the mob and recue the girl. Nothing better than Dolph being Russian again as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Dr. Leo (DVD) – A short film from Jim Stramel where a man is duct taped to a wheelchair and must try to release himself. Simple but great production that has a payoff that leaves you questioning what did happen? I was hoping for the screwdriver to fall into the dude’s skull while trying to escape. You have to watch to understand as I give this 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Dark Island (DVD) – A lower budgeted flick that the filmmakers watched too much of the “Lost” TV show where the story revolves around a research team that has contact with the outside world. Some people are paid to go in and find out what happened but once there they just find this oil substance everywhere and anyone that was alive is crazy. Of course some of the rescue group isn’t’ clued on what’s really going on until halfway through the flick when they find out it’s a bio-chemical experiment gone completely wrong. Mostly boring crap as I give it 1 star.

 

Cowboys vs. Vampires (DVD) – An old school cowboy show is bought out by a slimy asshole that has big plans for the ranch and its employees. When the show is going to reopen its going to be a haunted themed ranch according to the new guy called “Ghost town”. Problem is new guy knows about this underground cave that he is looking for something but instead it turns everyone into vampires and that is how we get the lame title for this boring lame movie that had potential? I give it 1 star.

 

Survivorz (DVD) – First off, you know your movie is important when the title has a “z” at the end. Second, the movie takes place in London where a group of young Americans hit a local restaurant in hopes of getting over their hangover. But solar debris or meteors hit the earth and cause the zombie apocalypse. Then the rest of the movie is about this group of individuals trying to get out of the city with the waitress and help her find her sister. The film is neither great or terrible but I would save this movie watch for when you don’t feel like watching the much more superior zombies films out there as I give this 2 stars.

 

Rings (DVD) – Apparently if the dude from “Full Metal Jacket” didn’t get rapey as a priest 30 years ago we don’t have this horrible horror movie series of a little girl on VHS who lives in a well that kills people after seven days. Or at least that is what I got out of it as I give it 1 ½ stars.

10/31 (Vimeo/DVD) – A pretty hot young evil lady has dug up some stories to tell for Halloween! The Old Hag – where an old lady is praying on the fears of a couple dudes trying to film a commercial in an old mansion. Trespassers – a film I have already reviewed but is about a young couple who drive to an old farm to do something different for Halloween and it has a scarecrow. Killing the Dance – A roller skating slaughter that is only missing a young Linda Blair. The Halloween Blizzard of ‘91’ – This story gets into a bloody debate of what is a better holiday Halloween or Christmas? And The Samhain Slasher – just old school satanic serial killer stuff we all can get into. All segments of the anthology are really beautiful and excellent horror entertainment. There is not a baddy in this bunch as it’s almost customary to have a poopy segment in your anthology whether it is a lower budgeted or high budgeted. This anthology will not disappoint horror fans! As this film raises the bar of how anthologies should be made and all involved should be proud of the collection of horror goodies and for that I thank yinz as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. I would put this in the class of “Trick r Treat” to help some recent horror fans to relate.

 

Joysticks (DVD) – A 1983 sex comedy that features Pac-Man but also Joe Don Baker trying to shut down a local arcade that is causing trouble. The arcade is a nuisance and of course we can’t have the young people causing a ruckus? Lots of boobs, hijinks, pranks, and an appearance of Jon Gries highlight this average sex comedy that was being mass produced during the early to mid-80s. I give this one 2 stars.

 

Bridge of Dragons (DVD) – Somewhere in post-war fantasyland Dolph Lundgren must go against what he believes in to help a princess. He helps her and the rebels that live outside of the kingdom to bring down an evil ruler who killed her father in order to eventually be king. Hilarious and weird action flick as they don’t spend a whole of time trying to convince you of this fantasyland exist but Dolph is in it so it gets 2 stars.

 

Bermuda Tentacles (DVD) – A boring ass version of “Deep Rising”, oh I mean giant sea worms that are attacking the U.S. Naval force who are trying to save the president. If that wasn’t enough they throw in John Savage as the president, Jamie Kennedy as the sea worm expert, and Linda Hamilton as the hard ass military officer to make it seem legit. I give it 1 star.

 

Private School (DVD) – This sex comedy first off has a combo of everyone that was ever in an early-80s sex comedy. This film is set up with the underlying subplot is Phoebe Cates and Matthew Modine’s characters trying to decide when is it the “right time”? While all their friends are busy bumping uglies, taking pictures, sneaking into the girls’ showers at the private all-girls school. Along with of course many girls just wanting to party and even their fathers too when they come for “Parents Day”. This film is more of the higher quality of sex comedies if you think about it as it might even be a sequel to “Fast Times at Ridgemont High”? I give this 3 stars.

 

Hardbodies (DVD) – Good or bad this may be the most popular sex comedy title that everyone remembers. The main plot of the film is some old creepy dudes hire a good looking beach bum to show them how to be a hit with all the young women. The old dudes at first are there just for pleasure but eventually it gets ruined one of them bring business into it. The film has some memorable moments and possibly one of the best of the 80s films as Courtney Gains character has two scenes where he flips off someone in supposedly 40 different languages. Two other cool things to look for are Kathleen (Halloween 4 and Rollerblade Warriors) Kinmont as skater girl and Kane Hodder. Fast Times and Porky’s may have set the standard for the sex comedies of the 80s but Hardbodies may have made the most lasting impression on people as it found a whole new audience on USA’s “Up All Night”. I give this flick 3 ½ stars.

 

Kong: Skull Island (DVD) – So once again we get another version of Kong. For me I waited on this film for a while just because I wasn’t sure if I should care? But sat down and didn’t expect much and got a fascinating updated version of Kong that I think fits what most fans would want these days. The film is set in 1973 where the Vietnam War is coming to a close and John Goodman has images of an uncharted island where two warring fighter pilots crash landed in 1944 at the beginning of the film. He gets the go ahead for a dangerous expedition to the island before the Russians find out what they are doing. Once there they awaken a monster that has been left undisturbed for years. But Goodman’s character knows a lot more than he will tell everyone as he was expecting to find this fantastic beast. After the confrontation the group is scattered throughout the island and has three days to make it to the check point for the pick-up team. Kong isn’t the thing they must fear, it is everything else as the island is the missing link to a world long gone. I enjoyed the blend of interesting characters on the expedition, Kong’s appearance, and the mystique of Skull Island. But the more impressive thing is linking this to a possible feud with Godzilla and other monsters got the teenager juices flowing through me again. Problem is there is a really good chance this will get fucked up. Outside of that check your brain at the door and allow the kid inside you watch this film with glee as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Independent horror fans it is coming… GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out http://www.grossfest.com for all the details!

Grossfest Hotel rooms are now available to be reserved!

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Okay Grossfest attendees, vendors, etc.… The George Washington Hotel has just released rooms to be reserved at a discounted rate the weekend of our July 28th, 2018 event “GROSSFEST”!

A Standard room is $99 and $129 for suite (which they have some really cool and interesting suites). All you got to do is call 724-225-3200 and reference Grossfest to get the discounted rate. Book them while you can…

For more details on the hotel please go to: http://www.thegeorgewashington.com/

Address is:

60 South Main Street

Washington, PA 15301

Gross Movie Reviews #421

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Gross Movie Reviews #421

 

Amityville: The Awakening (On Demand) – Jennifer Jason Leigh (Joan) has just moved her family to the legendary house that is famous for the murders that took place 40 years ago. Her kids do not know this at all but soon learn about it through school. Belle the oldest daughter begins to sense strange things in the home and begins to do more research. Joan on the other hand hopes that something happens so her comatose son comes back to life as this was her real reason for moving the family to this legendary house. Soon the twin brother has come back to the land of the living but lets his twin sister know that he is not alone and wants to die. This movie is not horrible and you get real weird vibe from watching it as it incorporates the real life murders and acknowledges that there have been movies made about the house. The original actually possesses Belle to start digging in the basement for “the red room”? The film is an interesting take for the series as there are numerous crappy sequels and a remake. Seriously this movie is worth taking a look at as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Thor: Ragnarok (Theater) – The third film in the Marvel series of the title character has him fighting for Asgard’s existence as his sister has come back home and father has died. In Odin’s death he has brought Loki and Thor closer together… maybe. But once the sister arrives and has disposed of the brothers she plans on conquering more realms. The planet Thor and Loki fall upon just happen to have The Hulk and a legendary warrior The Valkyrie. Once together they plan to go back to Asgard and save the people before they are destroyed. The film is of course a giant fun bag of popcorn and we all know it is a placeholder for the upcoming Avengers films. But what made the film good are two things: a) has this 80s retro feel and b) you don’t have to see the first two “Thor” films to know what exactly is going on. I give it 3 stars.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Death-Scort Service 2: The Naked Dead (DVD/Vimeo) – An escort named Michelle survived torture from a crazed killer a year ago and is trying to move on by being the best escort she can be. But the nightmare is not over as a new crazed killer kidnaps her and ends Michelle’s life with an electric saw to the vagina! Yes folks a saw to the babymaker, if you are going to watch a Sean Donohue flick you better come prepared especially in this film’s case… Independent sleaze, gore, and goo is Donohue’s calling card and there tons of it. A group of young escorts don’t care for the warnings or stories as they know if they don’t get naked they ain’t gonna make the money. But this new mysterious killer stays one step ahead of the new crop of working girls by killing them off in a more brutal way than the last. If you like your horror films sleazing, full of buck nakedness, and lots gooey gore this will be the feature for you gorehounds as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars. If curious of where to find this fine flick go on over to: www.thesleazebox.com or www.gatorbladefilms.com .

 

The Babyface Killer (YouTube) – A story of a man’s anger taking over after his woman loses their child before birth. They have been trying and finally it happens but bad luck comes along. The man slowly lets his anger build and gets upset over the littlest things until one day he sees a lovely pregnant woman out by the road. Then that is when he crosses the line, loses his mind, and goes dark… Great stuff again from Forte Films as I give the short film 3 out of 4 stars and you can find out more at www.fortefilmsentertainment.com .

 

Rage and Honor II: Hostile Takeover (DVD) – The 1993 film brings action star and legend Cynthia Rothrock back together again with Richard Norton. This time out Cynthia’s character is undercover as a banker trying to stop a crooked banker but it becomes much more when he is linked to a drug lord. If you are a Rothrock fan this flick will disappoint as it seems like they just wanted the name and not the person as most of the action in the movie centers around Norton’s character. Pretty much got wait through the whole lame ass movie for Rothrock to fight someone as I give the boring movie 1 star.

 

Better Watch Out (On Demand) – Ashley is a young woman about to move away and is going to babysit Luke one more time before she goes. Luke is a much younger teenager who has googly eyes for the beautiful Ashley. When Luke goes to finally make his move on the babysitter somebody has other ideas? A brick gets thrown through the window, a person peeking through the window, someone trying to scare the two. But it just so happens to be Luke’s best friend trying to help the ultimate plan of Luke’s of getting the girl. Nope Ashley is pissed at both Luke and Garrett. Luke snaps and ties up Ashley and wants to play a game of “Truth or Dare” and the things get even further out of hand when the ex-boyfriend shows up. Luke has the mentality “if he cannot have Ashley, no one can” and has the plan in place to pull it off… maybe? A very different and entertaining holiday flick that isn’t so much horror as a thriller but well worth watching over a plate of Christmas cookies. And for that I give it 3 stars.

 

Arsenal (DVD) – An older brother always watched out for his little brother since they were young. Now it’s time for the little brother to take care of his older brother. As the older brother has been kidnapped by a low grade town mobster who had a plan to get money out of the younger brother. Nic Cage who plays the disgusting idoit with the plan wasn’t expecting the older down on his luck brother to say no. The younger brother has four days to come up with $350,000 and is getting help from an officer of the law played by John Cusack. When it comes down to it the film is an above average direct-to-video action flick as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Kingsglaive: Final Fantasy XV (DVD) – An animated feature that helps feature the famous game characters in a struggle for world peace and stop a lost princess from being killed before marriage. To be honest haven’t played any of the Final Fantasy games probably since they started on Nintendo?! But the concept and the films always fascinated me and never a bad idea to check this animated features out as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Assassin’s Creed (DVD) – Another video game adaption to movies that does not live up to most fans’ expectations. There is a program for certain prison inmates who are sent to death. If their DNA is linked to some kind of ancestry of this clan of warriors this certain government project wants you to find this “egg”. This “egg” has a certain power if in the right hands that can rule the world. The inmate put to death but wakes up hours later in a secured facility where the public believes they are dead. Then some scientists mess with the brain trying to bring out the ancestor they are looking for? It’s weird but also too I was never a fan of the game so who knows as I give this time filler 1 ½ stars.

Killer Campout (DVD) – Its 1966 and this ugly dude is torturing a couple out in a remote area. After killing the man he gets all rapey with the woman and of course nine months later another ugly thing is born. The film moves along to 1989 where people have been disappearing out in the woods but could never be explained. Authorities are baffled but not concerned as much as some others are with the problem. So some horny ass lady thinks it would be cool to do group therapy out in the woods unknowingly ringing the dinner bell for the old ugly dude still stalking out in the woods! Has that “Madman, Don’t Go in the Woods, and The Forest” kind of feel to it. Lots of fun gruesome deaths and a small twist make this throwback slasher fantastically entertaining as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Mark of the Scorpion (DVD) – Andy J. Forrest is Bootleg Indiana Jones in 1936 treasure hunting. But Bootleg Indiana cannot even get started before he is thrown in jail because some reknob wants the known treasure hunter working for him out in the Sahara desert. The reknob French dude believes he needs Bootleg Indy for the possible Cleopatra crap he may have found? The film is no “Treasures of the Four Crowns” but the plot of Bootleg Indy spending most of the movie in prison is actually really fascinating. I give this foreign mid-80s flick 2 stars.

 

Missionary Man (DVD) – A bible carrying stranger rolls into town to mourn a friend who was murdered. Oh, it’s Dolph Lundgren and he wants justice and Tekla. A man named Reno runs the small Native American town and seems to be the root of the problem with the possible murder and controlling the local authorities. Dolph of course kicks ass in this updated “Pale Rider” action flick as I give it 3 stars.

 

The Peacekeeper (DVD) – Dolph Lundgren is Major Cross and now has become the keeper of the nuclear codes. After a terrorist attack on Cross, stealing the briefcase, and Cross presumed dead, the terrorists run to a missile solo that is being shut down. Wait a minute, Cross doesn’t die that easy as he will drive a car across building roofs and become one of the terrorists in order to get the codes back. A wonderfully entertaining mid-90s action film worth tracking down as I give it 3 stars.

 

The Cost of the Living (YouTube) – William Long has made a no budget flick about an apocalyptic love story. A man and a woman head off into the woods after the “Sickness” was destroying humanity. As long as they have each other the couple is happy and live forever. But with no budget movies sometimes editing is your best friend. If the movie is maybe made into short film format around 12 or 15 minutes it most likely works better. The 53 minute running time with not a whole lot happening gives it that dull feeling that makes you want to check out from watching the film. Mr. Long remember sir editing the film down is your what’s best as I give it 1 out of 4 stars.

 

Trespassers (DVD) – This fantastic short film is from Zane Hershberger (for the love of Rutger Hauer you know I am fucking that name up) and is a segment of a horror anthology called “10/31”. A couple is out at the local movie theater trying to enjoy a good scary movie but have picked a dud. So still looking for something to put a little fear in their lives on the best night of the year, Halloween they go for a drive out to a farm. This farm isn’t any farm it has a horrible history of a scarecrow popping mysteriously on the land and eventually Old Man Martin murdered his family and committed suicide. But what is about this creepy scarecrow that makes the local story so interesting this couple wants to know? Pretty creepy and well thought out Halloween short film reminds me of a cool little known horror flick from the late-80s called “Scarecrows” and for that I give 4 out of 4 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Independent horror fans it is coming… GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out www.grossfest.com for all the details! 

      

Gross Movie Reviews #420

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Gross Movie Reviews #420

 

Bonehill Road (Vimeo) – Todd Mother F’N Sheets reaches into the depths of his mind and pulls out this latest project of an old school werewolf film. The film centers on a mother and daughter who are escaping an abusive relationship. On the road to grandpa’s house they meet a creepy dude at a rest stop (which I believe happens to all of us at least once) and believe they just narrowly missed hitting a bear? Shortly after the narrow miss a tire blows out and they hit a tree. The women take a few to get their senses and try to figure out what they should do but that so-called bear comes back to haunt them or I should say werewolf. On the run the ladies find a house but their luck is worse than they think when creepy dude from rest stop is the owner and has his own serial killer thing going on. These women have already been battle tested and know what is outside is worse than inside. Once the madman is dispatched in a rather gruesome manner its back to figuring out how to fight off these werewolves who are trying to break their way into the home. I absolutely enjoyed this werewolf flick. I would compare to Todd’s film to another werewolf flick “Wolfen” or “Bad Moon”. Mr. Sheets went for a more story driven werewolf flick and when it pays off it more than pays off with a scene in the kitchen. While a woman recently bitten transforms another not one but two werewolves shot in 100% light wander into the kitchen and it is a beautiful thing. Most independent werewolf films have to hide their monster. Hell most mainstream flicks do the same but Todd Sheets made sure you got the money shot and more with this scene. Todd absolutely delivered on a giving horror fans an entertaining treat of a werewolf film. And yes horror fans the film is a little slow but again the film is more story driven than gore driven but you will get your blood, guts, and cannibalism! A couple other cool tidbits to the film are the end credits scene with fake Gene Simmons again and they have a “stunt werewolf” thanks to Mr. Steele. Todd Mother F’N Sheets did again and I think fans will be pleased with his old school werewolf flick as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Fistful of Undead (Vimeo) – A short film from Todd Mother F’N Sheets that is about a cowboy fighting the undead. No dialogue, zombies, a bad ass cowboy… sometimes it is just that simple as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Knock Knock (On Demand) – No folks this isn’t that terrible Keanu Reeves movie we all lured into watching last year. This film is something much better! 2012 “Dorm of the Dead’s” Toby Canto makes his return back to the independent horror genre with this great gem. A story of misfits living in an apartment complex. An old boxer named “Stonefist” Sam is turning 60 today. Not the most pleasant person returns home to his weirdo neighbor Oliva hanging out in his apartment complaining about a vampire living across the hall. She can’t make her mind up if its Dracula or just a hot vampire living next door as she has been watching him worried he will kill her. As Sam tries to calm her down another weirdo neighbor Dragon busts in with his bag of goodies to kill the vampire and blurts out this great quote “Fucking Draculas Bro”! He also has stories of Dracula living next door including ripping his “Missing in Action” poster off of his front door. Once Gretchen stops by the scene is set as Oliva stole a package that was left for the vampire. As the four argue the vamp knocks on Sam’s door to nicely get the package but that goes horribly wrong when he was already invited to an apartment complex party. Sam doesn’t believe the neighbor is a vamp until the vamp tries to bring hell down on the four and Sam shows why he was nicknamed “Stonefist”. After they beaten the vamp down and tie him up they warn him to just be a good neighbor or leave? The credits role and we all find out the vamp has friends as a war takes place in the apartment. Smart production, hilarious script and characters, and the actors were down right fucking awesome and perfect for these parts! This flick had me laughing my balls off the whole time watching it. Toby I hope all of us horror fans get to see more projects from you as this is one of the best independent horror projects I have seen in 2017. I give this flick 3 ½ out of 4 stars. Check out Pop Art Pictures Facebook page for more details on the film.

 

Brides of Dracula (DVD) – Peter Cushing as Van Helsing returns to Transylvania to kick some vampire ass. A vamp is turning the village’s beautiful women into his brides and Van Helsing refuses to allow this crap to go down. A great buildup ending in this movie as the vampire believes he has killed Van Helsing by biting him but Van Helsing cures himself in a cool legendary manner. I give the flick 3 stars.

 

Never Knock (SyFy Channel/DVD) – To set the scene it is Halloween 1986 and some kids go up to 59 Oakwood Lane to knock on the door of a supposedly haunted house. A kid’s hand begins to bleed on the door of the home and a dark force opens the door and kills the kids. But also when police officers arrive on scene they find “Never Never Knock” carved into the one body. So over the next thirty years kids in the small neighborhood go up and knock on the door every Halloween to scare each other. Meanwhile the murders go unsolved and become a thing of legend. Present day Jenna and friends go to the house and little sister Jenna knocks on the door, creature appears, and Jenna disappears. The friends look for Jenna as this sinister creature connected to this door of the home makes the friends see things that are not there until it kills them. Wasn’t overly impressed with the flick and left me asking why didn’t the city or neighborhood destroy this house to rid the town of the memories? Or who was taking care of this place for thirty years? I believe these questions would have made this a much shorter and more watchable movie for all of us as I give it 1 star.

 

Stickman (SyFy Channel/DVD) – A girl’s night terror or nightmare comes to life and kills and eventually sends her to an asylum for troubled kids. She spends several years there trying to get over this issue as her sister and mother were plagued by this issue after her sister read a poem about the “Stickman”. She is now about to turn 18 and has made it to a halfway house but her night terror has come back and is out in real world killing everyone. She must break into the asylum to find answers. The concept of the film is interesting but feels like it wasn’t completely executed properly? This flick was a little more bearable than some of the other recent SyFy Channel Halloween flicks as I give it 2 stars.

 

Jeeper Creepers 3 (On Demand) – Holy fart knocker did yinz screw this shit up! Okay folks never mind the creeper behind the camera directing the film let’s just talk this horrible film. This sequel is everything you didn’t want to be. Now, I was never a huge fan of this series but found the demonic creature “The Creeper” interesting. Apparently this takes place in between films one and two and people are out in force hunting this creature before he goes back to sleep. Wait… wait… wait… What? Where in the fuck is Ray Wise’s character fuckheads! Anyway, now the Creeper is able to hunt during the day, killing at will. The creeper also kidnaps a young teenager and his truck is impervious to everything and oh yeah it now has “Boobie traps”! The movie seems incoherent at times like Tim Gross and Daniel Boyd were drunk and wandered on set and started filming. But seriously folks I love character actors such as Stan Shaw, Meg Foster, and Gina Philips, but guys yinz should have sat this project out. I believe the biggest issue for me but all horror fans especially fans of this series is there was so much you could have done with this character? This character oozes a franchise and several years later we get this crap. Let’s call this what it is “CRAP”. I see crap and I give it crap so if you haven’t seen it yet? Don’t and thank me later.

 

Wake Up (YouTube) – A pretty different and maybe artsy short film that deals with a man who keeps writing “Awake or Alive”. The man is going insane or already there and not totally sure what is real? Cool stuff from Running Director Productions can be found at www.facebook.com/RunningDirectorProductions as I give this 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

StatACHE (YouTube) – A quite bizarre short film where a strange man with a bag on his head has a relationship with his television. A short film that mess with your mind thinking about it as I give it 3 out of 4 stars and more about it can be found at www.facebook.com/RunningDirectorProductions .

 

The Last Room (YouTube) – A short film more up my alley as the apocalypse has happened and a man is trying to tell the story before he goes completely bonkers! First, people’s minds went, and then people were offering themselves to the flames or mass suicide I am guessing. Then all the utilities went! Now, Kameron haunted by his own visions after cannibalism wants there to be a record of what happened to humanity. Dark, deep thinking, rough… would like to see this fleshed out more as I give 3 out of 4 stars and more about it can be found at www.facebook.com/RunningDirectorProductions .

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Independent horror fans it is coming… GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out www.grossfest.com for all the details!