Gross Movie Reviews #319

By Tim Gross

Red State (DVD) – Kevin Smith’s project about an extremist church group that has been inbreeding and collecting guns preparing for the end. Taking it the next step they lure three teenage males through a sex website so the preacher can make a point about gay people. Things go bad when the ATF is called in after a local deputy is shot when checking out a car on the property of the extremist church group. The movie is good for a few laughs but believe John Goodman’s performance is well worth watching the film no matter what your beliefs are? I give the film 2 ½ stars.

Black Death (DVD) – Sean Bean and David Warner stars in this dark adventure that is set in 1348 during the plague in Europe. Sean Bean who is a part of the church’s army is put in charge of taking a small group of men to a village in the marshland that has been said to be untouched by the plague. They stop at a monastery to find a guide and happen to find a young man who may have lost his way with god and wants to go find his lover. Sean Bean and his group tell the young man the real reason for going and that is to bring down the village and its witch that have betrayed god but the people in the marsh are ready for the group when they arrive. It’s a very dark look at the plague but Sean Bean is perfect for this kind of a flick and that is why I give it 3 stars.

Vikingdom (DVD/SyFy Channel) – Dominic Purcell plays a character that has been undead for ten years and must lead a group of fighters against Thor who apparently is a redhead in the SyFy Channel world. It’s kinda blah, so I suggest wasting your time on a different piece of shit movie. I give it a ½ star.

Music Store Massacre (DVD) – Writer/Director Gordon Price gives horror fans a no budget film about an evil guitar that keeps showing up at murder scenes. Ten years ago a reverend is found mutilating himself to death as he kills a detective in the process. Now in present time the guitar resurfaces and seems to affect all who play it. Once possessed the person or persons kill all who ‘hate’. The same detective whose partner was killed ten years ago begins to connect the dots during the odd murdering spree in town. The very political incorrect independent film has a little bit of everything for horror fans: a little gore, a cool evil guitar, a little bit of boobs, possession, a dude cutting a tattoo off his girlfriend’s butt! I give Mr. Price’s project 2 ½ out of 4 stars and thank him for giving weird horror movie fans like myself another ‘massacre’ movie. You can find out more about Gordon Price and his project at www.facebook.com/musicstoremassacre .

Countess Dracula (Blu-ray/DVD Combo) – Synapse Films does it again with the Hammer Collection with putting together a great package for the flick “Countess Dracula”. The film stars Ingrid Pitt and Nigel Green in a film that was influenced by a real-life Hungarian Countess. Ingrid is an aging woman who comes across something that not only stops you from aging but makes you younger by accident when she cuts one of her housemaids after being angered by her. Quickly noticing the effects Ingrid’s character goes into full killer mode with some help to kill the housemaid returning her to younger days of beauty. Soon she feels alive again and puts on an act for all in her castle to win the heart of a young man but it comes with a price: she must kill a virgin often to keep herself young. And she bathes herself in their blood! It’s a creepy story that doesn’t involve the usual Hammer staples: Vampires, Frankenstein, etc., even though it has ‘Dracula’ in the title. The film has seemed to find more fans in the recent decade or so and I would like to believe besides it showing on AMC Horrorfest it is Ingrid Pitt’s unique charm she brought to the Countess character. The combo pack has a commentary with Ingrid Pitt, author, screenwriter and director. The combo also sports a featurette called, “The Cinematic Life of Ingrid Pitt” and an audio interview with Ingrid. Long live Hammer on Synapse as I give the film 3 out of 4 stars and 4 out of 4 on the combo pack. For more information on “Countess Dracula” Combo Pack go to: www.synapse-films.com .

Croaker (DVD) – Fred Terling, an independent filmmaker who finally got to realize his dream with his “Croaker” project hopes to give film audiences something a little different or something missing from cinema these days? It all starts with four kids years ago playing down by the old river bed only to have one of them disappear in a drainage pipe. Years have passed and a couple of locals have gone missing while many believe it’s the urban legend of a monster. Also it has come to light that toxic levels are on the rise in the river. Soon with more people missing and weird goo appearing, two of the friends from years ago try to settle their differences and find out what is the real reason for all the missing people and the legend of a strange creature that may have taken them? The film is not a horror film by any stretch but plays out more like an early 80s adventure film I use to see as a youngster on HBO, Saturday mornings. Imagine urban legend monster that isn’t all about blood and guts with a splash of adventure. It is always cool to hear from filmmakers that this was their dream project when I get to watch it. Plus, you get to see me play the role of “Drunk Fisherman Zed”! I give the flick 2 ½ out of 4 stars and you can find out more information on the film at www.croakerthemovie.com .

Cockneys vs. Zombies (DVD) – A construction crew unearths a crypt that just happens to imprison a zombie plague and they have awakened them. Meanwhile two brothers and their cousin put a plan together to rob a bank so they can take care of their grandfather and friends whose home for seniors has just been shut down. Soon the zombies destroy East London and the boys must fight their way back to their grandfather to rescue him. It’s a quick, lean, mean zombie film that doesn’t fuss too much with story and keeps it gory and fun all the way through as I give it 2 ½ stars.

The Dinosaur Project (DVD) – A UK found footage film about an expedition into the Congo of people hoping to find more than just dinosaur bones as people there have talked of strange creatures appearing since more deforestation has taken place in recent years. It’s a decent “let’s kill 90 minutes” kinda film that falls in the trap of we all have seen this film one too many times as I give the film 1 ½ stars.

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Also you now can purchase the co-directed film project from Daniel Boyd and I called, “Jagoff Massacre” at www.jagoffmassacre.com . There is a sequel in the works…

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .

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