Gross Movie Reviews #580

0

Class of 1999 (Blu-ray) – Time for a revisit as this film got a very cool “Vestron Blu-ray release”. It’s the future and schools have gone to hell… Remember the film was released in 1989/1990. But imagine if “Escape from New York” took over a school and its surrounding community. Gangs have taken over everything and the school system is looking for answers in what to do next and Bob Forest played by Stacey Keach has an answer. He introduces the principal (Malcolm McDowell) of this high school to three new teachers played by Pam Grier, Patrick Kilpatrick, and John P. Ryan and they just happen to be androids! Androids built for the ten year war in South America and funded by the Department of Defense. Meanwhile, Cody has just been released from prison and just wants his old gang to leave him alone so he can attend class and not do hard time. Soon Cody’s curiosity gets the best of him when one of the teachers kills a student when a gun is pulled. He learns they are androids and they are beginning to do what they were built for and that is to kill in this awesome Sci-fi action/horror flick. The film is a sequel to “Class of 1984” but not many give two shits about that as it stands on its own with the wonderful cast, cool effects, and crazy storyline… These days the storyline isn’t too far fetch as I give this cool film 3 ½ stars, but there is more. Great commentary from filmmaker Mark Lester, lots of fun interviews with those behind the scenes on this great film and you get to learn info like this film killed Vestron! Actually it didn’t but apparently after this film went into production Vestron had all kinds of issues. I love it as this film always holds a fun cheesy spot in my heart.

The Banker (DVD) – I knew this film had some quality to it as soon as our introduction to Robert Forster’s character Detective Jefferson is living in a treehouse with beer cans falling out of it. There are brutal murders of high priced escorts happening and South American symbols are being left at the scene of the crime. It doesn’t take long for Jefferson to figure things out but he cannot arrest the high-end financial advisor Osborne aka Dracula from The Monster Squad! It is Osborne’s belief that this culture he found and follows is all about “Domination of women and the return of the hunter” or I like to bill this film ‘that guy that killed a giant alligator vs. Dracula from Monster Squad’. Is it the best of the serial killer films, no way, is it fun if you look at it the way I do, yes, and for that I give it 2 ½ stars. Oh if needed there is five sex scenes in this that would make “Red Shoe Diaries” blush with one including of my favorite porn stars Teri Weigel!

Trash Removal (DVD) – Rising star Indy filmmaker Maddie Deering has had her latest released onto an anthology “Natasha Nighty’s Boudoir of Blood 2”. This fun short film has a group of individuals picking up trash in the woods near by an old chemical spill for community service. It doesn’t take too long for this boring day of community service to be interrupted by a killer trash monster! Hilarious characters get destroyed quickly by the cheeseball monster which this short film easily feels like a lost SOV title you would find on the dusty shelves of your favorite independent video store ‘insert name here’ in 1992 next to a “Cannibal Campout” or “The Slayer” where alphabetical order didn’t matter like in the one I went at that time! Fun times with Maddie as I give 3 out of 4 stars for this project that can be found on “Natasha Nighty’s Boudoir of Blood 2” at www.sovhorror.com .

Day Shift (Netflix) – A solid action/vampire flick starring Jamie Fox as Bud Jablonski pool cleaner aka vampire hunter. Kicked out of the hunter union Bud is forced to take what he can get for vampire teeth. Problem his daughter needs braces and tuition for that private school she attends and he begs for one more chance to be in the union because that is where the money is. Shitty villain… but lots of fun characters that include Scott Adkins and Snoop Dog as the most respected vampire hunter and ladies’ man in town which helps the film get over its shortcomings as I give it 3 stars.

Misty Darkness (DVD) – A lost Todd Sheets project from 1987 or 1988 who really knows but it has finally gotten its release. Honestly this is one of the first films listed that Todd Sheets made and from the get go it is clear this is the late 80s with the various clothes, parking that is cheap in the background, and the cars you couldn’t fake on any budget. Anyhow, a group of so-called friends or people Todd knew at the time head into a haunted attraction called “Misty Darkness” for a night of scares. Doesn’t take long for the group to be slaughtered and turned into zombies to do the bidding of a demon that has locked the group inside. The demonic presence sports a leather jacket, a sword, and looks like a young bootleg version of 42nd Street Pete! If you are an SOV fan you’ll love seeing a young Todd Sheets and will want to own this gem as the DVD does have a commentary and a quick behind the scenes segment as I give the film 2 out of 4 stars.

Glorious (Shudder) – In the vein of finding horror films that have no right being this good I dare you to go watch what I believe will be in my “Top 5 films of 2022”. We are given the character Wes who is in a bad place in his life after a break up with the girlfriend. Confused, depressed, partying around a fire by himself at a rest stop off the highway, (I enjoyed the scene of him breaking his cell phone). Next morning Wes heads into the bathroom to take care of things which after he finds himself talking to an evil glory hole! Here Wes and a god try to hash things out about saving the world as we know it. The movie is so simple and fun you will be surprised how much you will enjoy this very smart horror film as I give it 4 stars all the way!

The Pursuit of D.B. Cooper (DVD) – A what if after the event of D.B. Cooper jumping out of the airplane over Colorado with $200,000 one November day 1971. A mystery that has fascinated people since it happened got a movie ten years after in 1981 with a great cast that had Treat Williams as Cooper who after landing in the mountains goes back to his wife. From there he convinces her to run to Mexico and enjoy life but Cooper’s former military commander now insurance man is hot on his trail. A fun early 80s cat and mouse flick that would be great if you double feature it with “Bigfoot vs. D.B. Cooper” and just check your brain at the door for some fiction injected into the mystery as I give it 2 stars.

We’re All Going to the World’s Fair (DVD) – A film that literally has a webcam recording a lonely teenager Casey who takes an online challenge and documents or believes some changes are happening? What helps feed into her believing something is happening is her conversations through Skype with creepy dude about the history of this challenge and his so-called concern. Now saying that honestly folks this film wasn’t made for me as it isn’t terrible or great. The film’s shelf life has up already! Folks all this film is something that you could do in 30 seconds of just randomly watching or falling down a wormhole on YouTube. To me this film isn’t special; I mean people did yinz all forget “Slenderman” or the hundreds or thousands of other internet challenges stupid people have paid way too close attention too? Also this film is literally made for the 13-17 age group which you immediately lost as soon as they click on a different app, start texting, etc. So when it comes down to it this project falls into the category “was it an actual film?” Movie watchers if you are looking for something actually creepy and I think still relevant I give you two words, “Hard Candy”. Enjoy being uncomfortable… in the meantime I give this film zero stars.

Trepanator (DVD) – Need more ‘Re-animator’ in your life? I give you this 1992 French horror rip-off where Dr. Herbert East takes over where his father left off years ago doing experiments with human brain transplants. After a young boy is ripped from his father’s hands years ago and sent to the U.S. he grows up to be Dr. Herbert East where he is trying to make his experiments a success in order to help pay his uncle’s debts for the clinic. Herbert East’s biggest issue is rejection, if he can conquer this then the experiments will be a complete success including a small “Maniac Cop” rip-off. A bloody hilarious rip-off as I give this horror experiment 2 ½ stars.

The Last of Sheila (DVD) – A feature film that is a murder/mystery from 1973 that if you are looking for something to cleanse your film watching brain is absolutely brilliant. Apparently the story of this film comes from one of the writers Anthony Perkins… yes that one who said their scavenger hunts and games him and other celebs played in the late 60s and early 70s inspired this project. The film is littered with 70s star power! But our film begins with Sheila, a beautiful woman who rushes out of a party one night after an argument. She has the misfortune being a part of a deadly hit and run. One year later her husband Clinton (James Coburn) being a twisted son of a bitch gathers friends and people who he is going to have in a film about his wife on his yacht for a week of games and partying. All involved have their own backstory and part of the game they are playing each night taps into that. Each night there will be a different quest and each will learn a new clue or secret about each other but about halfway through the film their host Clinton is murdered and adds a whole new layer to the mystery. If you are a fan of “Clue” the game or film you’ll wanna grab the popcorn and lay your eyes on this older feature because it is laid out wonderfully as a great “Who dun it?” A great way to spend a rainy night for two hours as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Episode 120 we invite T-shirt Joe back so we can be all over the map of filmland!

0

This week T-Shirt Joe comes back to the show to tell us about Racism on Star Trek.  Along the way we talk about how Richard Pryor should have killed superman.  Zombie STD’s,  How awesome Hannibal the T.V. series has been, Juggalo’s being sighted in Kyle’s neighborhood, John Carpenter’s appearance on the El Ray network,  Liam Neeson: THROATPUNCHER!  We also got Arthurian Knights in EXCALIBUR.  Robot teachers in CLASS OF 1999 and Class of 1999 part 2: the substitute.  And a northwestern Amish like slasher in AMERICAN GOTHIC.  So download and enjoy, or Rod Steiger might sell his soul to SATAN!!!

http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/

episode 120

Gross Movie Reviews #321

0

Gross Movie Reviews #321

 

By Tim Gross

 class-of-1999-poster2

Class of 1999 (DVD) – It’s the future and schools have gone to hell… Remember the film was released in 1990. But imagine “Escape from New York” at a school and its surrounding community. Gangs have taken over everything and the school system is looking for answers in what to do and Bob Forest played by Stacey Keach is here to give an answer. He introduces the principal (Malcolm McDowell) of this high school to three new teachers played by Pam Grier, Patrick Kilpatrick, and John P. Ryan and they just happen to be androids! Androids built for the ten year war in South America and funded by the Department of Defense. Meanwhile, Cody has just been released from prison and just wants his old gang to leave him alone so he can attend class and not do hard time. Soon Cody’s curiosity gets the best of him when one of the teachers kills a student when a gun is pulled. He learns they are androids and they are beginning to do what they were built for and that is to kill in this awesome Sci-fi action/horror flick. I give this cool film 3 ½ stars.

class-of-1999-2-the-substitute-movie-poster-1993-1020209311

Class of 1999 II: The Substitute (VHS) – The film picks up right after the events of the first film but the sequel wasn’t released until 1994. A man who looks like a private investigator is looking into the events of the first film and believes Bob Forest had a ‘Plan B’ if the first three androids failed? The private investigator is actually some dude that was thrown out of the Department of Defense but doesn’t know what the android looks like but is following the dead body trail. So when a stiff, tall, blonde dude shows up at a high school that is having gang related issues and students begin to mysteriously die the investigator looks into it. The sequel isn’t nearly as fun as the first mainly because the cast and the lack of budget compared to the first film as I have to give this flick 1 ½ stars just for Nick Cassavettes being in the flick!

 

Meateaters (Full Moon Streaming) – Its Mark Polonia’s latest independent flick with Brett Piper back doing dinosaur/creature effects. A dinosaur seems to be stalking the woods for humans to eat and some young people just happen to be hanging out there. I was expecting more of a SyFy Channel/Sharknado or even a Tiffany/Deborah Gibson effort but the film just didn’t seem to hit all cylinders at all during its 70 minute run time. I still enjoy Mark Polonia and his films but I have to give this one only 1 ½ stars.

 

G.I. Joe: Retaliation (DVD) – Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson joins in on the action as Roadblock along with the original “Joe” played by Bruce Willis in a lackluster sequel with Cobra and his evil members already in the White House with a fake president controlling things and trying to kill the Joes! The first film gave me such high hopes for this series but I believe this sequel may have been the death nail?! I give the boring sequel 1 star.

 

Shakma (VHS) – Mother fucking killer ass monkey fucking doors up, now this is a bad ass movie! I am ashamed I never caught this flick when it was first originally released in 1989. Some doctors in training are playing Dungeons and Dragons in a school building overnight with Roddy McDowell as the Dungeon Master/teacher. Well they fuck up by shooting up a monkey with some shit after it was experimented on and it failed and poof “Killer Monkey on Speed”!!! AWESOME! And let’s not forget the excellent Amanda Wyss also stars. I give the flick 3 stars. So go watch Shakma fuck up some doors.

 

The Runestone (VHS) – This guy Martin brings home an ancient runestone from a coal mine in Western Pennsylvania to his place in New York City. He begins to study it and is possessed by the runestone and becomes this odd werewolf thing that is feeding on New Yorkers. And the only person to stop him is that bad ass long blonde haired villain dude from “Die Hard”! Cool creature, some blood, Western Pa is mentioned, I give it a solid 2 ½ stars.

 

The Unseen (DVD) – Here is a creepy flick from 1980 starring Barbara Bach as a news reporter and her two friends Vicki and Karen who worked with her get screwed out of their room during some town festival. Forced to look miles away for a motel and no luck they run into a chubby, sloppy, weird dude who offers them a room at his big house. Never mind the weird noises you hear in the basement and the chubby dude is just creepy especially when you learn he believes “incest is best”. The young reporter gets curious when her two friends go missing or were just pulled down the furnace vents and discovers what or who is living in the basement. A great ending to a film that may have been a little shocking at its time of release makes for a cool lesser known horror film worth seeking out as I give it 3 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Also you now can purchase the co-directed film project from Daniel Boyd and I called, “Jagoff Massacre” at www.jagoffmassacre.com . There is a sequel in the works…

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also Cannibal Campout, Woodchipper Massacre, and a Spookies T-shirts also!!!! Go towww.fastcustomshirts.com for details.