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Gross Movie Reviews #672

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Operation Undead (Amazon) – A Thai zombie flick without it being called a zombie film that is set in a fictional story set during true events of World War II. The Japanese army is advancing their way into China and India and wants to find an island where they can use their new experimental biological weapon. The Japanese government and Thai governments meet for peaceful negotiations to allow the Japanese army travel through but the experiment has already landed at an island and it is ravaging the island quickly as police and military assess the damage. Now with the Fumetsu virus out there the Japanese scientists want live specimens for further experimentation but that is being hindered by how quickly the virus is spreading among the islanders. The virus turns the victims into cannibals who can of course infect others but is allowing them to still have brain function to think and see who is human and non-human. The Japanese convince Thai officials they must act quickly to contain this virus. A fun twist for horror fans in this genre to decide if it’s a true zombie flick but also entertaining and enjoyable for the back drop the story is set in as I give the film 3 stars.

What Scares You (DVD-R) – All around talented individual Jason Burke’s latest short film comes off as a bootleg early Nick at Nite one-off from the early 90s that has four friends checking out an old house as they plan to stay the night? The friends challenge each other to speak about “what scares them” along with some tense conversation unknowingly that their fears are about to haunt them. One by one the friends die from what they fear most but before you make judgment on what appears to be hey “I have seen this several times before”, the evil twist is what makes for some scary fun to enjoy as I give the Mr. Burke’s latest 3 out of 4 stars.

Violent Streets (DVD-R) – Another not released yet feature from Indy filmmaker Brad Sykes has unearthed another exciting project he made around 1994! This ambitious project isn’t so much a horror movie as its gang picture on no budget in the vein of 70s and 80s high school gang films. There are two small gangs who were friends at one point but now see things differently as they constantly battle for the upper hand on the other. It becomes personal when one of the battles between Orin and Kane is over a young woman Sara to see who gets to have her for their prize. But Sara isn’t having any of it even though her pals think she is just getting herself in more trouble of not going along with it. Now Orin and Sara must be on the run as this gang war is about to turn deadly. For no budget this was a very ambitious project but Sykes makes up with its gritty SOV style that gives the content a certain charm as the heart of the actors just going for it take after take makes for a very watchable piece of cinema that I give 3 out of 4 stars.

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Killer Kabbage (DVD) – In a not so serious futuristic film with a hilarious concept has scientists in present day 2024 trying to solve the world’s food crisis with experiments on veggies, mostly cabbages! But 200 years in the future the world is a wasteland where a duo of Cage and Gibson look to survive by hunting killer veggies until they are approached by a government droid. The droid instructs the duo to head to a secret location as they are recruited as mankind’s last hope because of radioactivity reasons! The mission is to time travel to 2024, find the original experimental cabbage, and bring back a sample that started this apocalyptic war between killer cabbages and humans. Once the duo time travels and adjusts to present day of 2024 the fight is on as there is limited time before the war begins as they quickly find out the experiments are already out of control! This feels like a lost project from the early 90s from J.R. Bookwalter or the Polonia Brothers with a ‘Bad CGI Sharks’ vibe to it and I absolutely freakin loved it! Don’t be surprised if this pops up on my “Best of 2025 list” as this Indy feature had me laughing out loud several times as I give it 4 out of 4 stars as you had me at Killer Kabbage.

The Psychic (Tubi) – The 1977 Lucio Fulci film is also known as ‘Seven Notes in Black’ as this was a first time watch for me of Fulci’s early work. A young woman Virginia had a vision of her mother committing suicide at a young age and now has had a vision of a woman murdered then buried in the wall of a home. Virginia goes to see her therapist also ex-dude to speak of it being something more but it’s her ex-dude. Problem the home happens to be her new hubby’s house and the cops arrest him on suspicion. Virginia complains to the authorities that there gotta be more to this so she takes to doing her own snooping and heads down a rabbit hole of trying to prove her hubby’s innocence. As Virginia gets deeper in the rabbit hole she begins to have more visions that come true leader her to the killer. For me this piece of Fulci work had more filler than killer but sure there is fans of this project as I give it 2 stars.

City of the Dead (Shudder) – A young college girl in Nan Barlow heads to Whitewood, Mass, to research witchcraft on the advice of her professor (Christopher Lee) so she can turn in a great term paper. Nan’s interest is peaked once she enters this hard to find village and believes she needs to dig into the past immediately. The history of the village is they burned a witch at the stake who cursed all there and Nan is warned to leave quickly by the local priest as he claims evil owns the village and has for hundreds of years. Not long after that Nan goes missing without her professor being too upset by it but her boyfriend and brother soon try to turn the village upside down looking for Nan as the witches are not happy as they may ruin their ritual. Might not be the best of the witch horror films but it is intriguing with Christopher Lee playing the professor who seems to know all that is going on as I give the film 2 stars.

The Temptress (DVD) – An early film project from a young Jeff Kirkendall at the time in 2000-2002 that also includes a short film ‘3 to Murder’ that is a prequel but we will get to that in a bit. The story is about three women who are vampires trying to live life quietly among humans until Angelique shows up demanding the presence of her “first one” Rachel. Angelique and her minions refuse to allow the three to live their undead loves peacefully as she has never gotten over Rachel for not believing in her vamp ways. The project is definitely very rough around the edges and a product of the time in independent cinema at that time but it’s clear you can see Jeff Kirkendall and Tim Hatch were going to be building a relationship in films for a long time coming. Plus the short film (40 minutes) ‘3 to Murder’, the prequel sheds a lot more light on the  story in ‘The Temptress’ that includes a deleted scene that answered a big question for me after watching both. I am gonna guess reasoning behind the short film and the feature is: one, wanted to see if they can do it with what they had? Second, might be Jeff might have made an executive decision that if kept the short and feature together they would be too long and viewers would tune out? Third, breaking them up Charles Band style for more content?  No matter what it is an always fun finding an early project from Indy filmmakers you respect and see where or how far they have come as I give ‘The Temptress’ 2 out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #671

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Rumpelstiltskin (UltraHD/4K) – Okay Terrorvision did you just seriously release this on 4K? Fucking wild since I haven’t watched this film since its release in 1995 as it comes from the same dude that gave us ‘Leprechaun’ of course so it was time for a revisit. So after stealing a baby hundreds of years ago Rumpelstiltskin is cursed into being a rock by a witch. Now present day, a prego wife who has lost her cop husband in a senseless crime finds herself a little later at an oddities store where she buys the rock. She takes it home, she has the baby now, wishes her husband to be alive (after they bump uglies of course in a dream) and now this little demon is chasing her or she is chasing it because it wants the baby’s soul! By the way Rumpelstiltskin smokes cigars, hard to kill, can drive a motorcycle and a long haul truck which fun fact the producers of this flick are the same dudes that gave us Scooby-Doo and Thundarr the Barbarian! This fairy tale terror is not as much fun as Leprechaun but it’s packed with a commentary, making of segment, Shot on VHS behind the scenes stuff, and even has a baking segment as I give it 2 ½ stars and make you say “fuck it” and watch it anyway.

Colossal (DVD) – This 2016 film is about a character Gloria who just happens to be an aging party girl in New York who has a boyfriend that supports her until he has had enough of her all night partying. Gloria being thrown out is forced back to her small town home where her parents died but left her their home. She stays there to decide what’s next besides trying to no longer drink but at the same time Seoul, Korea is attacked by a mysterious giant monster. As the attacks become more frequent not exactly explained to the world Gloria and friends become intrigued? Gloria figures out it have something to do with a childhood trauma at a playground that wasn’t there but is now with her friend Oscar. The film becomes about unresolved childhood trauma, friendship, and Gloria just trying to figure out life. For me the film is neither good nor bad as it had me waiting for something else to happen but never did. But for those that like this film this just “wasn’t my cup of tea” as I give it 2 stars.

Cutter’s Club (Tubi) – A newer but older Charles Band release that stars the legendary fine actor Tony Todd. This was one of the many unfinished projects of Mr. Band from several years ago that he finally got a crew together to unearth it and put it out there for fans. (Way too many stories about why, but this isn’t the first unfinished project that has found its way out there from the Charles Band magical warehouse recently. That is for a whole other conversation sometime.) Jill is a med student in the process of becoming a surgeon believes she could do more research with a disgraced great doctor that could change the world? This great doctor is Doctor Roberts and up until a year or so ago the university loved him until it was found out he was banging Jill so instead of firing him they place him in the basement of the east wing where he continues his experiments… with his odd satanic-like minions. Jill convinces her boyfriend after an experiment with a cat that the right thing to do would be to join forces with Dr. Roberts to further research. The purpose for all involved is “Art of Flesh” but they need more than animals for their big experiment and bring to life a creature with two heads. This 2005 film felt a bit thrown together then and still does now but enjoy seeing the potential in Charles Band finishing some of these “unfinished” projects as I give this 2 ½ stars.

Zombie Repellent (Tubi) – A soon to be married couple find themselves lost and without their car (believed stolen) in the middle of nowhere. They get to a small town that has no hotels, no Wi-Fi, and just a little weird as they can’t sleep as they uncover the town has a zombie problem. Now the couple must do everything they can with whoever will believe them during their misadventure to survive the zombies. There is some parts I am leaving out on purpose because it does have some funny parts but the bigger thing is the movie has an ending that isn’t ‘what you think it is’ so understand why this is more of a vague review as I give the film 2 stars.

Alien Intruder (VHS) – Thank you to my good friend Jon Cross for pointing out PM Entertainment to me this wild movie filler 1993 space gem stars Maxwell Caulfield, Billy Dee Williams, Jeff Conaway, and Tracy Scoggins! It is 2022 A.D. as Nick Mancuso and a few other prisoners are pulled out of New Alcatraz to use their special skills for a rescue mission or salvage mission. Little they know Tracy Scoggins plays a renegade VR program that has infected the ship they are going after and just enjoys making mankind lust for her and then kill each other. With most of the film being filler of Tracy Scoggins being the Ariel program or just being gorgeous the crew tries to disable the program so they can escape this hell. Fun cast in a low budget film that is so low budget it feels like they filmed it all in a K-mart warehouse and basement will always spell fun time to me as I give it 3 stars.

Beast Mode (DVD) – Literally this is one of those films released in 2020 that I cannot tell it was that big of a mess the studio didn’t know what to do with or like a lot of films that year it got “COVIDED” . Anyway we have a beaten down on his luck producer in C. Thomas Howell who accidentally kills or believes he does his meal ticket aka star in Huckle Saxton. Howell’s staff finds a double to pass off as Huckle for a movie project and uses this underground herbal make-up to pass him off. Problem is the make-up is known to make someone who uses it into a bloodthirsty beast. Meanwhile the real Huckle Saxton wakes up in a storage unit and from there the plot just gets real murky at best. No matter what, I found C. Thomas Howell to be the gem in this huge mess as I enjoyed his character throughout but still can only give this film 1 ½ stars.

Arkansas Pigman Massacre (Fawesome) – Another massacre film acquired but problem is they should have thought twice about making it. The film claims the events of the film take place in 2004 where two 12 year old girls go with a big brother randomly to the woods only to be stalked by a guy in a pig mask for most of the film. Or to save us all a bunch of trouble of me ranting about this film I like to call this movie: Look ma, I have a drone! Also I watched ‘In a Violent Nature’ last year and I was always a fan of ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre’ but for some reason I wanted to have the plot of my film literally not make sense. Hopefully that explains this mess of an Indy movie that I can only give it 0 stars. Want to know more of my breakdown please find me, buy me a beer, and we will have an educational conversation? I so wanted this to be a no-budget fun mess instead I got a turd that someone calls a movie!

Side Effects May Vary (DVD) – A movie project I wish I would have seen sooner as even before we get into the review this will make it into my “Top Ten list of 2025”! So J.R. Bookwalter returns to the director’s chair for the first time in 23 years along with help from writer and star James L. Edwards. Glenn has been sick for several weeks during this pandemic and doesn’t exactly believe in the science behind the new vaccines even though his wife has gotten it. Because of his illness lingering and nagging from his wife Glenn heads to the doctor’s office to get treatment. But because of the illness he cannot be vaccinated but can be part of this experimental shot that can be given during illness. He takes it believing he is doing the right thing for himself and others. It isn’t long after Glenn experiences side effects of blurred/weird visions, then also after a very uncomfortable but hilarious sex scene with the wife his dong falls off! From there Glenn becomes a gooey monstrous mess with murderous tendencies. As Glenn’s best friend gets involved, cops get involved, weird things begin to happen as Glenn’s disgusting meltdown is absolutely glorious with a perfect ending to this social commentary. This independent project is a prime example of doing all the little things right equals’ success as JR and crew put on a Masterclass of “how to make your independent movie correctly”. This was a perfect pandemic film that many have tried and failed at making so congrats to JR and James for bringing this adventure to life as I will be talking about it for years. As I give this project 4 out of 4 stars I also have to say Brinke Stevens steals the show here kids as this is her best performance since ‘Sorority Babes in the Slime Bowl-o-rama’! The DVD has a great Q&A for their opening night of the film done by none other Art Ettinger.

The Gorge (Amazon) – Two snipers are recruited to keep watch for 365 days straight over a gorge of unknown origin for uncertain reasons. Mostly they just know it’s supposedly for their country. One on the east and one on the west as shortly after World War II as the story goes three Calvary groups went in and never came back so an international treaty for this gorge was made. It is believed to be the “gate to hell” but as the two become curious about each other and decide to meet which by the way is not allowed as the two fall in love and share stories of what they know. But an incident has both trapped inside the gorge as they soon learn more than just monsters are the problem and it is part of something bigger? This is one of those “I liked it but didn’t love it” as it felt more like a video game adaptation of something thrown together. I enjoyed the concept but also felt like the movie was missing something as I give the project 3 stars.

Screamboat (Fandango) – Another unfunny adaptation of Steamboat Willie going into public domain as the Staten Island Ferry is haunted by the real life Steamboat Willie when it is released from its chamber. The killer rodent slaughters his way through passengers in a pretty boring way but I did enjoy ‘the lower deck scene as this is how we kill off 98% of the passengers in one fail swoop kind of thing’. The movie runs 30 minutes too long, the Disney references border on super annoying, and if you are into Jason Takes Manhattan combined with a bootleg Gingerdeadman vibe then hey you found your movie as I give it 1 star.

Berserker: The Nordic Curse (Tubi) – A 1987 film that I thought I had seen in the past but got it mixed up with two other Indy films I seen like 15 or 20 years ago so this was my first watch of the low budget horror from the 80s. The story takes place in nowhere Utah called ‘Rainbow Valley Campgrounds’ where supposedly Vikings hung out in the tenth century? Some young people are there for a week of camping only to be warned by George Buck Flower and the lone sheriff that there are wild animals out there “so be careful”. The kids get partying; read some stories of the Nordic legend, then one of them wander off to pee and its game time for the Nordic spirit or… the killer bear. Glad I got to see it but yinz arenot missing out on much folks as I give it 1 ½ stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #670

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Black Candles (Plex TV) – For starters this film is available on streaming but also had a recent Blu-ray edition and keep in mind its Spanish for those who hate reading subtitles. Anyway getting into the meat of this 1982 film, Carol’s brother dies abruptly so her and her partner fly out to the middle of nowhere to be with the sister-in-law Carol who isn’t impressed with. Within minutes arriving Carol questions Fiona the widow because of the strange circumstances she feels in her mind. It doesn’t help Carol when she arrives at the mansion she immediately smells strange smells, hears her brother’s ghostly voice, hell she has a dream of bumping uglies with her brother… Which that is when I questioned if I tapped into some weird PornHub video or I was watching some serious softcore shit? But also if you didn’t know there is some serious Satanist shit going down in this film because they got some goat fucking going on kids! While all this is going on Fiona seduces Carol’s partner with the sex, orgies, and SATAN! But it’s already too late (maybe?) as Carol is supposed to be Satan’s bride as this coven punishes a dude with a sword to the anus! I won’t ruin the ending but I will say buckle up kids for full bush and you questioning if you are watching a horror film or a full blown porn either or I was entertained as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Freaky Tales (Internet) – For as advertised and heavily waited for this movie got pooped out there into the universe long before its release dateso that leaves way too many questions that has nothing to do with the film. Anyway, I will say the filmmakers got the formula of an anthology down right for this very loosely based tale or tales on events that happened in 1987 Oakland, California. First story is about teenage punks protecting their hangout from Nazis, second story is about two girls getting their chance of a lifetime of being rappers at a rap battle, third story is about a guy who is paid to collect debts and wants to retire, and the last story is about Sleepy Floyd the basketball player which I found the most interesting tale of the whole film. To me at least the film felt heartless, felt like this film sat on a shelf for a couple years before its release to the internet, and really felt like a more of a west coast thing if that makes sense. Or as I like to say to save time, “this film wasn’t made for me” as I felt like I had to sit through 80 minutes of a boring movie to see what I really wanted to watch as I can only give it 1 ½ stars.

Shivers Me Timbers (Amazon) – So there is a third horror film about Popeye and this one sucks goat balls to put it plainly if you are asking me. This version decides to go the lazy way in my opinion of trying to put a plot together of being 80s nostalgia claiming it is based on real murders? Takes place in 1986 when Halley’s Comet was a big thing and strange things happen around it when a small ass meteor enters a pipe of an old fisherman. This is how he becomes mutant Popeye or in my opinion A.I. Popeye bullshit! He quickly finds teenagers out in the woods looking to watch the comet so he can murder horribly only for the film to become a crappy image of several past horror favorites that this doesn’t even come close too? The movie was made in Scotland which explains a lot because honestly I would be surprised if the people there really knew Popeye or the impact of the cartoon had but that is for another conversation as I can only give this tragic piece of poop 1 star.

Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter (DVD) – A Hammer film on so many levels that leaves you with you so many questions because it has such a different vibe for a vampire film along with why there weren’t several sequels? First off it needs to be stated for this 1974 film that it stars the timeless beauty Caroline Munro! But this basic story in the English countryside has a couple of young women drained of their youth that has the interest of Kronos and his traveling professor companion since the war ended and  they now have been fighting a new war against vampires. What’s new and still different till this day at the same time is this odd vamp flick sets up a whole other set of rules and explains even within the film not all rules apply to every vamp. If you are a young horror movie lover or old this movie has a kind of timeless effort and a different vibe than your usual Hammer flick for the mere reason of this odd vamp plot. Without giving too much away as I have watched this three times in my life and believe I have seen something different like John Carpenter’s The Thing is the film comes down to a very dark family secret that is unknown to all. I love the concept and I am curious why some of the most recent so-called talented filmmakers haven’t tackled this as a remake or a sequel as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Jules Verne’s Mysterious Island (DVD) – It is weird to say what I grew up on and how many movies I watched in my life to never come across this film? The film’s plot begins in a Civil War prison in Virginia at the end of the war where some soldiers who are prisoners plot to steal a hot air balloon during a devastating rainstorm. The escapees get off the ground but after a long travel is forced to an island where they must help each other to survive. What also throws the characters off is everything on the island they encounter is giant! When Captain Nemo happens to show himself they come to learn Nemo had traveled here or shipwrecked in so many words has been doing experiments to better human life in the future but has a dire warning about the island itself as they all must leave sooner than later. This 1961 film is more adventure than a horror film and is a great intro for the younger audience into how special effects can help a film as I give it 3 stars.

Robot Holocaust (Blu-ray) – Oh this beauty has popped up again since a legit Blu-ray for whatever crazy reason has made it out into our lives but for those that don’t know this is a product of Wizard Video/Empire Pictures. Yep, Charles Band kids… but it is an actual film made by Tim Kincaid of ‘Mutant Hunt’ fame but this can also be a prequel to Robot Jox, Robot Wars, Crash and Burn. Anyhow in this low budget post-apocalyptic world the robots have long took over and the humans are slaves in most places. But in the location of New Terra (or in the rumble of certain parts of New York) humans are alive and well but slaves who are used to fight each other for sport until Neo arrives. Neo is a product of the wastelands that has somehow survives the atrocities of the wastelands to come and start a revolution against the robots. He helps lead them to a power station to go fight the darklord for their freedom.  Hilariously fun and stupid at the same time this film was literally out of print for many decades as it would randomly show up as a bootleg or on a channel for a one time watch so you be the judge as I was just happy it had a legit physical copy. The movie might not be much to desire but the interview on the Blu-ray might explain some things as I give it 2 stars but will never turn down watching this one more time as it looks glorious in this restoration.

Final Recovery (Tubi) – A moderate budgeted Indy film that stars Richard Tyson plays with some uncomfortable realistic storylines… Addiction, recovery, etc., you understand what I am saying? Not a laughing matter as this film takes this subject very seriously begins with 1974 a young lady seeing her father confronted with an addict and killed. Decades later, Nanny Lou runs a present day treatment center called SAGE. This is supposed to be a safe place for addicts and this is where Rodney our main character comes in. Rodney is our everyday addict having trouble sticking to the program with the exception he does have an excuse as he doesn’t trust Nanny Lou? Her effort is there but for nefarious reasons. After Rodney is brought back to the facility once again he finds a friend there and explains Nanny Lou cannot be trusted as it’s all about the money but patients start to disappear on a more regular basis which also raises the red flag. A great movie with a very black passionate heart that tackles a tough subject of life with some wonderful characters you will grow attached too. The film is smart, evil, and playful all at the same time as I give the feature 3 out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #669

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The Final Possession (Tubi) – One of the newest projects from Mark Polonia has Tim Hatch in the role of Father Thomas warning all of us that the devil is coming. The Father’s plan is to send out his disciples to stop the “evil one” and to have the agents of the darklord killed. (Which honestly folks that isn’t God like right or isn’t that against the church? Must be one of those Prophecy film things I am still trying to figure out 25 years later…) Anyhow, if Father Thomas does not accomplish this task it will allow the “Day of Judgement” to come! Bold undertaking for an independent film on a very limited budget as the film will be a fun watch for hardcore Polonia fans. My main complaint of this film is it did entertain me but felt like it was made 30 years too late in the career of Polonia Brothers Entertainment as I feel it would have been a totally different film then and how they would have tackled it? Either way another solid entry into the IMDb list for Polonia and crew as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars and yes I quite enjoyed Tim Hatch reading his lines from the book in a couple of scenes as I have done that on a regular basis (yes, I have become a fan of Tim Hatch)

He Never Left (Plex) – In 1997 at a small town of Larsen City has a masked killer “Pale Face” who haunted the town terribly killing many only to disappear without reason. Now present time, Gabe a recent parole has done something bad and trying to hide out at a seedy motel. Gabe trying to arrange an escape out of town now that authorities are searching everywhere for him has to stay hidden until he gets the call to bolt. Problem something happens in the next room and Gabe believes “Pale Face” is back? This is where the real story begins as Gabe is losing his mind and bodies are starting to pile up again. This is a creative independent serial killer film that will leave many thinking one way or another as there is no middle ground on this movie. Yes, you will know who the killer is but do you actually? The beauty of the film is how it sucks you in believing you are in for another hack and slash Indy but there is a lot more to this than meets the eye. Folks give this film a chance, pay attention, and I quite enjoyed what this film did as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Popeye: The Slayer Man (Amazon) – So the second of three Popeye horror films out there and this one goes with more of what we know of the spinach eating cartoon character. In this version it is rumored a ghost haunts the abandoned spinach canning factory down at the dock and it kills anyone that enters and talks shit on the location. Twenty years later enter sleezeball real estate people, bootleg Joel D. Wynkoop as security, a small group of film students wanting to film on the last night before the building is sold, an abusive boyfriend and his crew and we got a POPEYE SLASHER FILM! WTF? Funny thing happens here folks… the movie works as it becomes a fun bloodbath with an entertaining subplot about radioactive spinach. Gimme stuff like this all the time as I give the cartoon adaption 3 stars.

The Final Alliance (YouTube) – So apparently Hollywood or sub-Hollywood was sucking ideas from my brain long ago as this beauty comes out of the golden era of direct-to-video B-movie junk of 1990 that stars David Hasselhoff as Will Colton who has come back home with… his pet puma! Yep, I got you wanting to watch it before you even finish reading this. Do I even need to write this review at this point? Colton and Felix roll back into town mysteriously on this old farm that bikers have made their ‘fuck pad’. Colton refuses to have any of this go on so he starts kicking ass soon as he enters his old house. But Colton and the pet puma do not stop there as they learn the biker gang and oh did I mention the biker gang is led by the legendary John Saxon with bleached out hair, weird contacts, and rides in a side car the whole film? Back to the story Colton and Felix roll into town meet the town hottie who owns the grocery store and begins to convince the small town it is time to get rid of this biker trash. As Joe Bob would say “have we seen this couple of dozen times? Yes we have. But have you seen it with a weird John Saxon and Hoff’s pet puma?” This amazing hot garbage feels like it was sucked out of my teenager ‘Knight Rider’ loving mind and I am quite happy to let yinz know you can watch it for free on the YouTubes n’at as I give the movie 3 stars.

Empire of the Dark (YouTube) – Holy shit what wormhole did I fall down as I watched this weird fantasy film that was made by Steve Barkett who also stars in it with the likes of Joe Pilato and Jay Richardson. Immediately when it begins it feels like some lost late 70s TV movie that played once and disappeared into the void. Then after credits the movie takes another odd turn as I feel like I just found a lost episode of Commander USA I use to watch as a kid? So here are the plot folks: a cop named Richard goes through a portal (with one bullet by the way) to save his super-hot girlfriend (which there is no way this dude is pulling her). But there is a twist kids he can only save the baby or super-hot ex-girlfriend now mom. He picks the kid and everything is history or until twenty years later strange shit pops up as Richard is a private detective who is working on the “demon slasher” case and dabbles in sword play. (Did Dan Komarek write this shit?) The Satanists are back murdering people, Richard’s hot ex is talking to him in his dreams, and the kid from twenty years ago now grown up wants answers damn it and the only way to defeat the Satanists is with bibles and swords as I give it 2 ½ stars!

Beezel (DVD) – So some weirdo bought a house with a fucked up looking witch living in the basement in 1966. He convinced some female to marry him and become a serial killer of sorts as they feed this witch random people in hopes that this evil presence produces a baby and give them power. Supposedly this witch was taken by humans and that is how she got here so of course she requires a sacrifice if you are going to keep her ass in the basement. A couple (which the girlfriend character is an unlikable bitch) move in the home as the dude is the son of said serial killers and wants to sell this home and get the fuck out of there. Well the girlfriend doesn’t let that happen as she seeks out the stories about the weird shit that has gone on over the years in this house. I know there is horror fans that will just eat this film up and good for you but this movie for me seem to be missing that important ingredient “heart”? I felt like the film wasn’t bad but just going through the paces of hope to start a series of films to keep telling the story of said witch as I can only give the film 2 stars.

Harvester of Eyes (Fawesome) – Polonia and crew with another recent release that concerns eyeballs, a fortune teller, no budget, but also felt like it had to be done in a couple days (felt like there was a time constraint?) This interesting tale features Jamie Morgan throughout and looks like she had absolute fun with it as Sinthia, is sent out by her sister from hell to collect eyeballs from humans. Why eyeballs? Well they are the gateway to souls of mortals which Sinthia’s sister craves. Sinthia leaves the comforts of hell to take over a fortune teller’s business to collect her victims or eyeballs in this case. Things are going great until an old inspector gets involved and figures out the real reason bodies are piling up around town. Jamie Morgan was awesome, Jeff Kirkendall was perfect as the inspector, it just felt like the project was a bit rushed but that could be me but definitely see Polonia fans enjoying another entry outside of the usual Polonia films we have seen in the past as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Mark Polonia: A Life of Monsters, Mayhem, and Movies (YouTube) – For those who are interested this is a quick two part documentary done in two five minute segments in 2015 on the career of Mark Polonia. Most likely a piece for local TV just celebrating what Mark has accomplished in his community. It is a fun look and interview with Mark as they even talk with others who worked with Mark over the years and tell quick stories about him. Another reason to check it out is to refresh people’s memories Mark is one of the godfathers of SOV and what their projects did for the video market in the late 80s and early 90s that many movie fans might not know or have forgotten about. Fun stuff so if you get a chance, its free, its quick as I give it 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Amityville… Now 65 Entries… I Am Still Fascinated… And Still Waiting For More? (Part Two)

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So folks I return to talk the topic of all topics among horror movie fans, ‘Amityville’. I thought I would be writing this six months down the road but I got sidetracked (three years and 29 entries later). Unlike the ‘Witchcraft’ and ‘Bloodfist’ franchises this is taking more time than I thought it would. First time around I questioned if this was an actual franchise? Maybe taking a second look at it, it could be considered the longest running Indy franchise unless you are even a bigger weirdo than me and bring up the reinvented series ‘Camp Blood’ or ‘Things’ but that is a whole other weirdo conversation we can tackle another time. (Gimme a two week period I will track them all down and watch them) So how have I been since tracked down new entries or how has my life changed since I decided to tackle this film series? Well, I am still demented and completely fascinated with this franchise! But a weird thing has happened on social media to me as I have gotten pulled into rando discussions about the ‘Amityville’ series discussing: how many there actually is, what constitutes an entry, to why I still hate Mt. Misery Road? Point is somehow I have become an “expert” on the ‘Amityville’ series and let’s use that term loosely as it is such a hard thing to explain. The one thing I can explain is why I number the entries as too many people are “trying to be the smartest person in the room or on said social media platform” are counting entries that are never made or hell they are not even watching them. Which not watching the film but doing some kind of review is just a weird thing if you are keeping track? And why? And should we seek you some help as I don’t feel like a complete lunatic when pointing that out. (You may laugh now as that part of the rant is done.)

     Anyway, before I completely lose focus I wanted to write this article because once again the series has slowed down again but is gearing up for a shitload of potential releases in the next six to eight months including myself, my brother “Famous Actor” Tom Gross, and super talented filmmaker Maddie Deering starting production on: Amityville Fishing Hole and Amityville Neighbor. Weird things have happened in these movies being produced… like are there actual physical copies? Are they even streaming? Why only a select few people have seen it? And most of all if finished why didn’t said person or persons release it to a physical format or streaming platform believe me there is much shitter entries out there! Examples: Tea Bag – The same person that gave us Amityville Frankenstein and Elevator supposedly filmed this entry and its two years old? Another filmmaker claimed to have a film called Amityville Poo already finished or almost finished and that was in 2022? Another title that baffles me is Amityville Sharkhouse… why? Well Shawn Phillips has produced six, seven entries already mostly released by SRS Cinema so why not this film that is again two years old now but not seen by anybody except in this inner West Coast circle of Indy people. And let’s not even get into the subgenre of these most likely shot for YouTube ‘Amityville’ flicks but good luck finding them such as Subhuman: The Amityville Experiment, Amityville Versus Galactic Samurai School Girls from Outer Space, Amityville Webcam. There are pictures, promotion for them all over Google but who the Rutger Hauer actually knows these exist… until I watch them.

     Here is a summarized version of some of the entries I have watched since the last article with a few comments and of course all the reviews can be seen at www.grossmoviereviews.com

Amityville: In Space which helped Mark Polonia go viral but I was critical of because he has done better!

Amityville Thanksgiving was just such a boring letdown.

Amityville Scarecrow 2… simply did we actually need a sequel?

Amityville Karen was dead in the water before it even got out there because of its societal reference which there is reasons a project I was going to co-direct and co-produced called Amityville She-shed was a joke for 15 minutes and we smarten up quickly… But that stop me from writing a prequel and turning into a ‘massacre’ story of course.

There was a Quilt Store, a ride-share, a 1977 film renamed under an Amityville title, a curse from Tubi streaming app which jumped into the series feet first, a sad attempt at an Emmanuelle film, a sequel into the ‘Death Toilet’ series, a job interview, Frankenstein, a haunted elevator that almost bored me to death, a bloodbath from a teenager in Florida, A.I. (with a sequel coming) and a Jack the Ripper entry that a solid cast but the filmmaker made the mistake believing he could make a Deadpool entry?

But let me pull yinz back in as then some of the more recent entries got serious, like they got for the love of Rutger Hauer interesting with some real thought behind the entry…

Like entry #59 called The Last Amityville Movie which was one of the most interesting watches as a filmmaker for not much money decided to have a haunted doorknob, a second pandemic, and a way to put an end to the series! Very interesting and creative I must say.

Another entry was about a haunted backpack. It sounds so dumb but found myself not able to turn it off.

Did I happen to mention there was also a sequel to Amityville Thanksgiving called Turkey Day that I questioned if it was an actual movie or just a mess someone threw out there?

Oh yeah there was the Bigfoot entry, I wanted it to be better.

But the two entries that stood out possibly the most besides The Last Amityville Movie was: Once Upon a Time in Amityville which I felt Mark Polonia and crew really did a great job of giving Amityville an origin story but no one even speaks of it. Mark deserves kudos for the mere reason of actually giving a backstory to a series of films that don’t even make a lick of sense. This is where the legendary Mark Polonia shows off his talent not in the entry (In Space) where the internet lost its mind for a week knowing it exists. The second entry would be Amityville Christmas Vacation of course. The ultra-talented Steve Rudzinski literally won a Fango award for it! What more needs to be said other than it starring amazing talents Aleen Isley and Ben Dietels. (Honestly, this was Steve just showing off. Where other filmmakers struggle with the Amityville subject, Steve knew exactly how to make it not just watchable but a holiday treat that many fans have put it into their holiday to watch pile every year now next to a ‘Black Christmas’.

And now folks we get to the stinker of the bunch. The only entry that has gotten close to me saying it is so bad it was as bad as Amityville Mt. Misery Road. That entry is Amityville: Where the Echo Lives that I dare you to watch with Mt. Misery Road and unless you are a complete loon like me you will most likely just stab yourself in the eyeballs! Amityville: Where the Echo Lives went into actual theaters for a weekend? Yep, let that sink in as there are legit bad ass horror films that no one hears about that if they are lucky Shudder finds them and then we scooped this shit. Really Hollywood, not to be critical or anything.

     What is next for me as I keep waiting for the next entry? Did I happen to mention there is an entry called Amityville Leprechaun that is on again in production (now five years and counting)? Or Amityville Barbi in production or Amityville Pool Toy Massacre coming or Amityville Aliens, honestly kids if you lasted this long reading an article about me rambling about Amityville films the answer is going to be me being me. I am going to be that guy that will watch bad movies. Always keep track of Amityville films. Support but be critical at times of Indy stuff. Or simply put I will always be Tim Gross and thank you reading.

Wanna help support?

Please come to Grossfest 2025, August 1&2 (check out www.grossfest.com for more info) where you can meet independent actors, artists, authors, and filmmakers. Plus hear me rant about the Amityville series!

Gross Movie Reviews #668

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Mickey 17 (Theater) – So venturing out of my comfort zone I took a chance on a film I wasn’t impressed by the trailers or who was starring in it. But I gave it a chance and I believe I found a film that many don’t understand (but are intrigued) or chooses too not understand, right now but I am telling you give this feature five years and there are going to be fans calling it a “cult film”. Or as I also like to point out this film hit too close to what is going on in society now? Anyway, a film based on a book about advanced tech as the film is set in 2054 where a human could be listed as an “expendable”. Mickey signs up for space travel where human experiments can be performed legally. The basic premise is scientists test various things on Mickey to see how it affects humans. When he dies the scientists reprint a new version of him out with his past memories. Now Mickey #17 is lying at the bottom of an ice pit waiting to be eaten by some horrible creature on a planet humans know little about. This is where the story actually begins forty minutes into the feature as Mickey 17 doesn’t die and walks back to the ship only to encounter Mickey 18. By intergalactic law there cannot be ‘multiples’! This of course knocks everything out of balance while Mickey 17 is tired of dying and finally for the first time in his life just wants to live. This is a great complex and completely outrageous script, wonderful cast that I just absolutely enjoyed with great delight! Yes, it will be on my list of ‘best movies of 2025’ but only time will tell if I am correct if this is the next “Buckaroo Banazi” cult like film of its time? Point is don’t sleep on this one movie watchers as I give this 4 stars as I try not to give up too much about the film as I want you to really experience this one!  

Bloodsick Psychosis (Blu-ray) – The best part of the movie for me at least might be the opening credits done in some wild Claymation. This SOV film’s plot has a couple taking some acid and pretty much chaos ensues for them as they lose their freakin mind. After a bad headache and a thirst for blood Pacey slowly loses his mind to the point he kills a cat and shoots up the dead cat’s blood for a fix. Once Pacey sinks deeper into the psychosis he becomes more violent as the filler of the film is drive-in footage, concert footage, and the legendary David “The Rock” Nelson as a weird infomercial sprinkled in to fill out the feature. I cannot condemn the Indy film as I enjoy the grittiness of the SOV film as well knowing there is an audience for it as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

Bigfoot the Movie: The Sequel (Tubi) – Not trying to be too critical of this Indy flick but, “was anybody really asking for a sequel let alone several years later?” The sequel brings back the three main characters to gear up for their next hunting adventure as they are contacted by Hilga to investigate a Yeti at a local ski lodge. Their preparation for the adventure is hilarious as they drink as many Iron City Beers as humanly possible in their garage before the trip. They then head to the lodge and begin their hunt as the film seems to quickly go downhill from there. I give them credit for leaning more into the Yinzer accent and having the Pittsburgh beer of choice featured throughout but the death dagger to the film might be the feeling of it being an unfunny version of “The Three Stooges meets the Yeti”. If it makes any sense it seems even less happens in this sequel than first film as I can only give the Indy feature 1 ½ out of 4 stars. A good thing is seeing all the Western Pa acting talent showing up in this feature just wish it was a better film to feature them.

Dinner with Leatherface (Tubi) – A wonderful documentary that just doesn’t look into the man behind Leatherface of the original ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre’ but looks real hard into Gunnar Hansen the person. No matter what Gunnar was well respected and lovable among all out there that ever met him over the years. Gunnar is described as a “Class Act” and the talk of his impact playing Leatherface by such celebs Debbie Rochon, Barbara Crampton, Jeff Burr, and Kane Hodder among many others who explained Gunnar was “one of a kind human”. The stories about the man told by his peers are just phenomenal and might make you cry by the end as I give the documentary 4 stars.

Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace (DVD-R) – This project is a six episode series from 2004 that was canceled in the UK that was filmed in this 80s soap opera weirdness to tell tales of the supernatural set in a hospital. The point of the series was supposed to be a fake TV show that was made during the 80s and its claim would be that the series was lost shortly after shooting. The show is half hour episodes of evil supernatural things happening in parody form of this fictional hospital along with the author doing the intro for the episodes. This truly offbeat series did find a small but vocal audience through “Adult Swim” here in America along with a cult like status in the UK asking for a second season but never happened. The series is a little too weird for me as it just didn’t exactly make me love it but I definitely respect what the people behind this project were trying to do as I give it 2 ½ stars.

The Monkey (On Demand) – The film’s plot begins in 1999 with a set of twin boys who do not get along well but their deadbeat father supposedly walked out on their mom. But the viewer sees at that very beginning the father is trying to pawn off this toy monkey that plays the drums because it is “evil”. The boys going through their father’s stuff that was left behind come across a box “Organ Grinder Monkey” with the toy monkey in it. You turn the key in the back of the monkey, it plays the drums, and someone dies horrifically! After a few bizarre deaths happen the twins dispose of the monkey believing it cannot come back to haunt them. 25 years pass as the monkey randomly shows up at their aunt’s estate sale killing her the very next evening. But someone keeps turning the key over and over as weird deaths are happening daily around the small town the twins use to live in. Now for the first time the twins are together trying to figure out who is turning the key again. Enjoyed the death scenes but for me the ending was kind of a letdown compared to the rest of the film as I give it 2 ½ stars.

The Return of Captain Invincible (Blu-ray) – This lost 1983 film stars Christopher Lee as a villain of course named “Midnight” who after ruining New York City wants to ruin the world. Meanwhile the film centers around a superhero to many who fought against gangsters and Nazis decades before until he is brought in before a Senate Commission and discredited. The once famous superhero disappears from the world until he is unearthed by a rookie detective in Australia. But now more than ever he is needed by the President of the United States to help defeat the evil mastermind “Midnight”. There is song and dance numbers, The Captain struggling with sobriety which affects his super powers with some bad effects makes this mess of a movie a very interesting project for even the time it was released and you asking it why it was ever made, as I give it 2 stars mainly because of Christopher Lee.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #667

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The Slasher Nurse (Film Freeway) – Twenty years ago two girls (Piper and Grace) go to what they believe is an abandon house that looks really cool for their movie shoot. But the girls find out they are not alone as some of their friends play a prank that has Piper locked in a trunk when they are run off the property by an old man. Her brother finds her later only to be stabbed in a fit of rage by accident by Piper. Fast forward twenty years and the friends all work together exception for Piper who happens to be at the Blue Ridge Facility. Grace, friends, and work friends are all going away for the weekend but old wounds are reopened when Evan who is blamed for the prank gone wrong shows up before the weekend gets started. If that wasn’t enough the same evening Piper who hasn’t said much for years has escaped the hospital and has already created a murderous path to Grace and friends. The film is an interesting “prank goes wrong” flick with some nice gory kills that includes a death by lawnmower. Plus what will help writer/director to get film distribution are the appearances of popular horror stars: Felissa Rose, Diana Prince, and Jim Krut. Even though Kerr gives it a fun touch of bringing some freshness to the slasher genre its main flaw is the 107 minute running time that could easily be trimmed down to 88-90 minute time frame but that is for another conversation. But Kerr’s saving grace (no pun intended) is the twist he gave to his horror feature as I give the feature 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

The Shizzly Grark (Fawesome) – Yes folks, half bear/half shark Cryptid that a small town claims is real? Kids doing a senior film project on this thing wanna prove that it is a thing of fiction, urban legend but they disappear before the project is finished. This is the found footage, interviews and experience of seeing this mysterious creature. The movie did a smart by keeping it under an hour and keeping the pacing non-stop but the real highlight in this mess about the fictional creature is “The Mummy” being interviewed on his thoughts… downright hilarious! The movie is a complete terrible mess but should have enough charm to keep you entertained and not disappointed you watched it as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

Booger (DVD) – The film is from 2023 but just hit all the streaming sites and is a complete turd! Anna loses her best friend Izzy who helped take care of this stray cat. Shortly after Izzy’s death the cat supposedly bites Anna, disappears, and Anna slowly goes through changes including her depression for her dead friend. Anna completely ignores her boyfriend, job, and life in general looking for this cat named ‘Booger’. The film is listed as a horror/comedy and I neither laughed nor seen anything horrifying other than wasting my fuckin 78 minutes watching it. A stupid young twenty something wants to act like a cat and at the end all is fine? This passes for some kind of a movie? I have seen movies that don’t even try but this so-called movie is insulting Indy filmmaking in general as this of course gets nothing except for already winning the award for being the worst film I have watched already in 2025. Sorry it’s not Meta, it’s not ironic, and it’s just fucking dumb!        

Pandemic Thirst (Blu-ray) – Chris Woods and a talented cast put together a quick 64 minute film that revolves around 2020s Covid-19 and how it affects vampires. The film opens with Covid just hitting as people scramble to get home before everything closes down for a period of time as humans are about to deal with a horrible virus worse than vampires. During the early days of this pandemic Cynthia is on the run and sick with nowhere to turn a beautiful vampire Willow happens to find her. They share a hotel room and instead of Willow feeding on Cynthia she chooses to turn her. But there is a catch as the virus may have already been in Cynthia’s blood and for some unknown reason it has actually made Willow terribly sick as vampires have survived plagues and viruses long before this. Simply put this is an interesting concept that has that “SyFy Channel Saturday Night vibe” but done ‘The Sleaze Box’ way with Sushii Xhyvette Holder just being an absolute fun bad ass as she hits it out of the park with this role. Like Mr. Woods or not I do respect what he did with this concept and gotta give this entertaining Indy vamp flick 3 out of 4 stars.

Eat and Run (YouTube) – A mid-80s oddity from New World Pictures where an alien lands on Earth that enjoys eating Italian… Eye-talian people that is! A detective McSorely (Ron Silver) who works for the NYPD and talks like he is describing his character’s actions in a book at all times sees the impossible which this huge thing eating Italians and has to convince his boss that aliens exist. With the police force believing McSorely is nuts, he’s on his own to bring in this maniac alien with an appetite. There is some terrible 80s jokes and along with the alien cuckolding Ron Silver’s character but that doesn’t stop McSorely bringing the alien to justice as the film doesn’t really have an ending as I give the bad attempt at comedy 1 ½ stars.

Behind the Walls (Blu-ray) – A family moves into an old house with the intention of course to call it theirs and fix it up along with the broken family relationship. All members feel like there is something off about the house but of course since they are white decide to stay only to find out the hard way the house has an evil presence that has decided to keep them there. Which by the way the evil presence in the home is played by bootleg toxic waste dude from Robocop. The movie come off like a family drama than horror film as from beginning to end the movie just moves at a disjointed pace. Horror fans yinz are not missing much here as I can only give it 1 star.

The Nature of the Beast (Tubi) – A mid-90s Victor Salva flick where two very different men (Jack and Adrian) keep crossing paths in small desert towns. One stole a good bit of money from a casino and the other is a cold hearted serial killer. Both use each other as cover until they reach a breaking point that doesn’t end well for one as it stars the man, the myth, the legend Lance Henriksen and Eric Roberts. Sounds good on paper, two solid performers, but something just doesn’t feel right from the beginning as I can only give this feature 2 stars.

Heart Eyes (On Demand) – It is Valentine’s Day and in the past two years there has been a murder spree in Boston and Philadelphia that the serial killer has been named the “Heart Eyes Killer”. Now set in Seattle the Heart Eyes Killer has set his sights on this city where once again he will look for couples to kill as he did the past two years on this lovely holiday. Best way to describe this latest slasher feature is ‘Scream meets a RomCom’ made for people under the age of 24. Now while I say that this isn’t a terrible movie by any means that most likely will be the ‘My Bloody Valentine’ for the new generation of horror fans? But this might be the first film in quite a while that was literally targeting a very specific group of horror fans to start a franchise. You see the ending coming a mile away and plus you’ll understand why I said ‘Scream’ as I give this interesting let’s say ‘test subject for the young-ins’ 2 stars.  

Trail Cam Sasquatch (Fawesome) – Something strange has been going on in the woods of Central, Pa., in fall of 2024 as UFO sightings are almost reported daily but what comes along with that is Sasquatch sightings. Trail cams in the woods have been snapping a photo daily of this mysterious creature but to no avail it stays elusive from authorities. So a small hunting party plans to go into the woods for the weekend to capture the elusive creature unless Tim Hatch’s character is trapped in a bathroom taking the morning grumpy? But the only thing this small hunting party finds is a young injured woman lost in the woods that brings the wrath of not just one Sasquatch but many! Tim Hatch’s character keeps the horror light in this Polonia feature but entertaining as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

The Girl Who Wore Yellow Lace (Tubi) – This feature feels like Mark Polonia goes way out of his comfort zone to bring a giallo to his resume. I knew I was in for something different from the legendary Indy filmmaker when the Polonia usuals only had bit parts in this feature. A young model Arianna is convince to join a modeling agency as she wants to do whatever it takes to be the most popular model. Arianna dream to become one of the biggest models has a price as she loses grip with her old life and boyfriend. The more she tries to become the most in demand model the more of her fellow models are murdered by a mysterious black-gloved killer. Kudos to Mark Polonia for doing something totally unexpected and for the love of Rutger Hauer, Jeff Kirkendall’s character is extremely creepy in this Indy giallo as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.  

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #666

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Titanic 666 (Tubi) – Of course straight out of Asylum Entertainment this feature would have hit SyFy Channel a few years back but now it is a Tubi exclusive 18 months ago. So I finally decided to give it a chance after first hearing about it I could not believe it, but guess what kids the film is super watchable. It is 110 years after the original voyage and the new Titanic III is setting sail for its maiden voyage to pay respects to the original wreckage where it lays rest. Just like the original boat it claims to be unsinkable and people are just dying to get on board to be a part of history. But a mysterious cute redhead has hidden herself in some luggage to get on board and perform a ritual in the cargo area of the ship! This witch does a blood ritual that brings the spirits of the original Titanic to life again to haunt all on the Titanic III and take control of the ship so all living can relive the tragic events of 110 years ago. This of course causes panic among the new captain and crew as they were told the voyage was cursed but chose not to believe. I was expecting a terrible mess but instead was given something watchable and entertaining that I never thought I would say about a film called ‘Titanic 666’ as I give it 2 ½ stars.

The Bayou (On Demand) – A group of people try to fly on the cheap on an uncharted flight that just so happens to wreck into a swamp. But this isn’t just any swamp as the swamp is filled with unusually bloodthirsty gators that are all methed up and stalk all that were a part of the wreckage one by one. Yes, it is a plot that we have seen several times but this one keeps it gory and mean with a quick running time to keep us horror movie freaks happy as I give it 3 stars.

Slaughter Beach (Tubi) – Two friends are kicked out of their beach front house because none of their side gigs produced. Now the duo is forced to look for an actual job so they are not homeless. Bingo, bright idea the duo decides they can make money by getting rid of all of the crime along the beach so the two idoits become superheroes. Now the ‘Defender Benders’ drive a golf cart to help them clean up the beach but unknowingly stumble upon the beach serial killer aka the crusty bait shop dude! Stop the killer … they get paid! Sounds simple enough in this Indy feature that was silly enough for me to give 2 ½ stars too.

The Messenger (DVD) – A 1986 film that was directed and the story written by Fred Williamson but doesn’t have all the fun in this action extravaganza as it also stars Joe Spinell and Cameron Mitchell. Mr. Williamson aka Jake just got out of prison after three years and unfortunately finds out his girl has been doing some shady drug stuff. It all leads to a messy hit on her as with Jake out of prison she wants to be done with that stuff. Cops already looking side eyed at Jake, he takes a job from an old rich dude to clean up the drug dealers and bring down the bad mafia dudes who killed his girl! The film is classic Fred Williamson as it’s just a wonderful treat to watch him be a bad ass as I give the feature 2 ½ stars.

Night of the Dead Sorority Babes (DVD) – The film is an Indy talent filled feature that will have fans salivating! But of course it is ‘rush week’ at the most prestigious sorority on campus and they have some hand-picked ladies coming to visit the famous Gamma Rho Kappa house to pledge. Little do the young pledges know is that the Gamma Rho Kappa house has a process unlike others on campus. It all starts with two sisters who have been there from the beginning to make sure their evil ways continue as they use the young pledges to maintain their witchy powers. Now for the pledges the weekend is supposed to be for the young ladies to bond and not know they are there for evil sacrificing! This Indy feature is a no brakes; all gas sleazy fun sorority horror film we all remember from the 80s that with a little of its filler cut out would have horror fans declaring this a  top ten horror film of 2025 as I give it 3 out of 4 stars. All the young ladies in this just kill it in here as my real issue is the filler kinda of dragging down a near perfect Indy horror film.       

All Hail the Unknown (DVD) – A 2019 short film (32 minutes) comes from Matt Jefferson as his story is about a man named Paul who is given a chance to have all the power he would want from a mysterious woman. This woman hands Paul a small coffin and explains if he opens it he will have three tests to pass to get his wish for said power. Paul opens the box only to release a demon that guides Paul through the tests but when Paul actually passes the tests he doesn’t like the results of it even though he has power. An interesting and entertaining no budget short film that knew when to end the story as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Wounds (DVD) – Will is a bartender of a dive bar called Rosie’s that seems to know his place in life but happens to pick up a phone from some underage kids after a bar fight that is broken up. By accident Will takes it home to only get weird messages on it as he is curious and wants the owner to know he has the phone. Like most humans these days, Will cannot leave it alone and begins to respond to the weird messages only to have something weird happen to him. As some unusual visual shit begins to happen to Will his girlfriend Carrie gets suck into the process also as Will goes down a wormhole to truly find out what’s going on? But the knowledge if you call it that only drives him deeper into madness as a ritual has opened a portal for Will to go through. This is one of those horror films that will have horror fans calling it a “boring mess” or “one of the most misunderstood films of all time”. For me I enjoyed the weird premise and background on the characters involved but the payoff was not what I wanted in the end as I give the film 2 ½ stars.

Graveyard Shark (Blu-ray) – A legend about a half-shark/half-human thing stalking a graveyard has caught the eye of a Cryptids Hunter named Abby. Abby since she was a child has wanted to prove things like Sasquatch are real because her father was killed by a monster. Abby the so-called cryptozoologist is hired by a Dr. Lovnik who runs a Graveyard Shark survivors AA group. The good doctor would like Abby to chase down this legend and kill it for these survivors to have closure. Abby being super excited by this opportunity wastes no time investigating the Graveyard Shark legend and it is all because of a horny fisherman and his one night of passionate love making with a mermaid that made this creature possible. After witnessing the carnage Abby wants to end this “Street Sharks” look-a-like monster before it continues its bloody rampage but as usual there is more to this story such as: sasquatch sex, shark sex (doggie style and a young lady that believes her and the shark are a thing), and shark vs. werewolf for the final fight. WTF?! I am all in with this fun entertaining gory mess as I think I found another 2025 favorite that all of yinz need to witness as I give it 4 out of 4 stars. Also kudos on that bad ass shark costume!!!

The Lost Campfire Tales (Tubi) – A 2015 Indy film with no budget that has a group of people camping telling stories or I should say retelling scenes of their favorite slasher films of the 80s. It is a fun stupid thing for laughs but gotta say they didn’t take themselves too serious so the 50 minute film goes quick as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #665

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Aqua Beast (YouTube) – A non-descript Colorado family heads out to the old camping ground for Grandma to relive some fun memories as a kid. Well it doesn’t take long for Grandma to get eaten by a shark in a waterway! Even though the so-called teenagers are not too broken up about it they combine forces with the old crusty dude at the bait shop to go hunting for sharks. Along the way one picks up a girlfriend, one loses a boyfriend, and somehow crappy NES graphic shark gets thrown into a woodchipper by a large firework. I laughed at this movie for all the wrong reasons as the acting was monotone the entire length of the film as I wasn’t expecting much but I still cannot give it more than 1 star.

Amityville A.I. (Tubi) – As usual yinz all can thank me later as this is entry #65 into the longest running movie series of al time! Filmmaker Matt Jaissle of course goes back to the well again of Amityville 1979 where something terrible happens with a serial killer. Now present day, Stuart rents a house in Amityville who also just happened to bring his program “Vic 3000” and connect it the rental home. Once security cameras are installed the program has control of the home just like that 1981 TV movie ‘This House Possessed’. Between the weird ghost of the murderer in the house and the program taking over anything around Stuart he is trapped by his own creation and rental home. You can take your pick of what the actual plot of this film is… but outside of the scene with the neighbor’s hilarious sexbot killing him this feels like a mess that was thrown out there to say “I did it first”? I thank you for giving me another entry to watch but let’s be honest there is so much more you could have done on the slim budget you may have had as give it 0 stars.

Popeye’s Revenge (Amazon) – The Brits are at it again in making horror films out of cartoons as this time around they tackle the thick armed sailor who eats spinach. Honestly they keep it basic which looks to be best way to tackle this forgotten character as they made Popeye an urban legend that is a mash up of Jason Voorhees and Freddy Kruger. Fifth-teen years ago after Popeye as a child accidentally killed a fellow child, his parents threw him in the basement but the villagers came anyhow to burn their family home down. Popeye survives but badly burned only to dive into the lake. Now every time a fog rolls in the legend of Popeye arrives to kill any who are nearby. So hey, by all means let’s turn Popeye’s old home into a campground where Popeye can slaughter all who show up at the summer camp before it ever opens. Overall I believe they went just to make a fun gory slasher throwback and they have accomplished their task. Wouldn’t think a Popeye film would be entertaining but there is just something about a burned up pipe smoking dude running out of the woods to squish people’s eyeballs out of their head as I give this 2 ½ stars.

The Special (DVD) – This little film has a little sleaze, a little sex, and WTF is that? Jerry is a regular guy who believes his beautiful wife has been cheating on him. So after a heavy night of drinking his best friend takes Jerry to a secret location aka brothel that happens to have a psychic. Sixty bucks and Jerry is off to upstairs to get “The Special”, an empty room that he is locked in with a box that reads “Stick it in Here”! Jerry believes it is a joke until sometime goes past and eventually puts his dong into the box. BREAKING NEWS… Jerry has the greatest time ever to the point his best friend gotta zip up his pants and get Ivan to throw him into the car. But there is a catch the psychic or Madame warns the best friend be sure Jerry never comes back because the “box” wants him? This only begins a downward spiral for Jerry as he finds out his hot wife (Sarah French) didn’t cheat but was buying a snow blower. For Jerry nothing matters as he is now obsessed to find this box as he would kill to have it as he does and develops a relationship (or let’s just say it he keeps fucking a box) with the thing in the box. An interesting and entertaining ride into a character’s downward spiral of nothing matters except the pleasure he gets from a mysterious box as I give this feature 3 stars.

Don’t Mess with Grandma (Tubi) – This Tubi original is one of my first favs of 2025 as it stars Michael Jai White as Jasper and Billy Zane. The plot of the film besides Jasper throwing white people out a window the whole movie is Jasper taking care of his Grandma who lives in the middle of nowhere. Jasper everyday drives two hours to go take care of anything she needs while getting drunk doing it while running from Grandma’s dog who doesn’t like him. Well tonight things go a little sideways as three people show up in pig masks to burglarize Grandma’s house. Not going to happen in this laugh a minute film as Jasper defends the home quickly but soon sees there is friends or family in this case who have planned this job for a while as they won’t go away quietly. Basic but entertaining premise this 4 out of 4 stars film is “home invasion gone wrong” that includes Jasper singing a DIO song while a man dies in his arms, a person getting paper towels duct taped to their ass because they are missing part of an ass cheek, and how Jasper just wants Grandma to consider moving into the city. Again folks 4 stars all the way as it will be hard for any of yinz to not find this extremely entertaining and laugh the whole 80 minutes as I did.

Streets of Vengeance (Blu-ray) – Mila is a pornstar who is at the height of her career, well liked, and she is at the end of her contract as she wants out so she can do something fresh. But little she knows she is a target by a cult called “The Sword” that wants to make an example of her. They believe her smut career is ruining society and she must be stopped. Mila is not expecting anything terrible even though the ‘San Francisco slasher’ has claimed two of her friends. After her retirement party Mia is kidnapped but escapes the brutality of the cult with a little help as she kills her captor. Mia receives a phone call on a phone she forgot she grabbed from her kidnapper and decides it is time to fight back. Mia recruits her fellow sex workers as this turns into a glorious version of ‘Savage Streets 2’! Way too much filler at the beginning to establish Mia and friends are in the porn industry but the film more than makes up for it once Mia is out for one night of revenge in this sleazy action thriller that I give 3 stars too.

Paranoia Tapes: The Movie (4K) – Full disclosure I am not a huge fan of some of the early entries that I have seen but I will give Jack Hunter and crew credit this has a different charm and finish to it that definitely made it an entertaining Indy feature. We begin with a couple of podcasters discussing an oddity of spookiness that has affected certain people and streams over the years this quickly connects to a DIY You Tuber named Clyde. Clyde is constantly filming himself for his vlogs that have become popular and today he has received a mystery package at his door. The box contains movies that also just happen to have Clyde’s picture on the back of the box along with his best friend Jack throughout the films dying, killing etc. Clyde concerned recruits his friend Jack to come to the house to witness the weirdness of it all and discuss doppelgangers as we the viewer get to see the short films of other vloggers plotting murders and other nefarious acts. Again I enjoyed the simple fact that this crew went to great lengths in storytelling to give you a scare with substance. Yes there are flaws, but overall I believe they accomplish in telling an entertaining spooky story in the context of folks constantly using their phones and the consequences that could follow? For that I give this a solid Indy outing 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #663

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The Stench (YouTube) – Look out as super talented Indy filmmaker Jim Roberts is at it again with his short film that begins with a fallen tree and Tony in a bad need of money. Sam had an old tree fall down in the backyard with some horrible green mist bellowing out of it! As Tony gets started on the nasty tree the situation devolves very quickly into madness. Something evil was disturbed in the tree and we all get lots of disgusting beautiful violence as I give the project 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Creature Z (YouTube) – A team of mercs is dropped in hostile territory to rescue a scientist at a secret cold war bunker. Of course their goal is to get in and get out undetected. We all know in movies and life nothing is ever easy as the mercs get into a fire fight with a militia group who were unaware of the entrance for the bunker. Both parties find it to enter and quickly find out the hard way the dummies there melted a creature out of its frozen prison as they used the bunker to experiment on it. Their goal was genetic hybrids which humans will not survive the aftermath. Sounds good when explaining it but when cool stuff like the ‘Outpost’ films exist it is a tough task to measure up as from frame one of this movie it had good intentions but never seen through on them as I can only give this film 2 stars.

Moonsoil: Gruesome Tales of Michele and the Modern Witch (YouTube) – Weird Indy stuff with weird music where removing a cross from a shed in the middle of the woods releases a witch or its coven or something to that effect. After a kid drinks the drinking water and cuts off his own foot more weird shit happens with a presence stalking several random people. The film has some great locations but leans a little too much into the absurd to be polite to enjoy what they may have been going for as I can only give the project 1 ½ out of 4 stars.

Satan’s Parasite (YouTube) – So this Indy project is set up by some video stuff of the filmmaker’s vacation after COVID (most likely). These teenagers come back from vacation not feeling well which leads into weird stuff of a priestess and a parasite. I did learn something through this film: apparently if you get a pregnancy test in the mail you need to cut your hand open to see if you test positive for parasites? If mealworms swim all over the test then you sends it back to the hospital. This also made me curious about the procedure of the USPS and their care of blood soaked packages now that you are able to send your poop places? Anyway did I mention someone is trying to scoop out another’s eyeball with an ice cream scooper…? Way too much going on here without anything really going on as I give this independent feature 1 out of 4 stars.

Cagey (DVD) – If you are looking for no budget, off the wall, has that lost 90s SOV feel then David Bachmeier (wrote, direct, and edits) has a new treat for yinz. Emily is a young woman who just got fired from her pizza delivery job and needs to make the rent soon. Desperation makes Emily take a leap of taking a housesitting gig for the weekend. Mark who hires Emily doesn’t let her in on the secret he has hidden there because he is trying to protect family. Along the way of this feature there are some possible (fake future?) movie trailers that oddly help the story to pace out well. Without saying too much about the plot some Indy fans will see this project as tasteless or even disturbing but most I believe will respect what they have witnessed. For me, this feature doesn’t feel forced, comes along organically, allowed me to relish the plot and also never trust a person in a pigeon mask as I got to give this movie 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Killer Werewolf (YouTube) – A lower budgeted UK flick about a zombie film being filmed in a small village. Things are going horribly because the lead actor is an ass while something is slaughtering the locals in the woods near the movie shoot. As detectives are baffled that these killings could be done by an animal the lead actor is eventually blamed for being a serial killer or is he? The movie spent way too much time on trying to be funny which it wasn’t as they did little for the werewolf reveal which once it happens will make you question why they attempted the project in the first place. Yinz are not missing much here as I can only give it 1 star at best.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!