Tag Archives: Bloodbaths and Boomsticks

Gross Movie Reviews #609

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Stalled (DVD) – It is Christmas Eve, it’s a Christmas party, and a janitor with a toolbox full of cash finds himself trapped in a stall of the women’s restroom when a zombie virus breaks out. Two women come in and one thing leads to another as one begins to eat the other and with no time passing at all many other zombies begin to enter the restroom. Surrounded by zombies and blood the janitor is alone and trying to figure out how to survive but soon finds out he is not alone as a female voice begins chatting with him. Trapped the two talk things out on how this all got started and why they are the way they are. Funny, some gore, and great use of one location makes this an entertaining watch as I have to give it 3 stars.

Eternity (YouTube) – Philip Brocklehurst hard at work as usual throws this new 2 ½ minute short film out there that shows how long and short life can be at the same time but super effective and visually pleasing. Give props to my friend across the pond trying to do something outside of the box and a little artsy as I am sure it won’t be too long before he does something horror related again as I give this short 3 ½ stars.

Midnight Massacre (YouTube) – In my never ending search of “massacre” flicks I find this 39 minute dramatic horror film from India I believe? A small city has had several recent murders and they believe there is a serial killer loose to the point the police have a curfew for the residents. Meanwhile a young lady waits at the train station for her brother to come pick her up unaware of the recent murders and police with no clues. Lots of cool buildup with a nice payoff even if it claims it “will be continued” as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

The Fairhope Massacre (YouTube) – A recent 28 minute film about two young friends heading to a cabin only to be stalked by a bootleg tater sack Jason! It is a nice stab at doing a sort of fan version of “Friday the 13th: Part 2” to sharpen the skills for a more original project. You may have seen it before but always enjoy watching something from young folks that you clearly see and feel they are doing this to prepare for something bigger film wise. For that I gotta give this fun project 3 out of 4 stars.

Motorboat (Tubi) – Mark Polonia reaches into his old bag of tricks from the early 90s to give us a no budget horror film about a possessed boat. A cult called ‘Brotherhood of Darkness’ prepares themselves for sacrifice and a mysterious priest kills them and disposes of them in a lake. Now two years later the cult seeks revenge through a possessed plastic motorboat that lures people to the water and cuts them down with the motor. We get some of the usual characters from past Polonia Brothers films while the plastic motorboat terrorizes the small lake town but there is hope in this mysterious priest and a harbor officer. Plastic boat, some techno music, and the evil motorboat getting destroyed by a Spirit Halloween prop. We laugh, we cry, but this is when I enjoy a Polonia film for what it is as I give the possessed boat film 3 stars.

Cocaine Shark (Tubi) – Then we move on to another Mark Polonia film where it seems Polonia is always trying to stay ahead of the parodies gives us this flick. Nowhere near as fun as “Motorboat” as this felt more for the paycheck than doing it for the art but anyway we got a druglord Felix who has a scientist who can make a drug from shark glands. If that wasn’t enough an accident happens and the human hybrid crab shark gets loose that was a part of the experiment. A lot of filler that takes up the film is a plot of an uncover cop who gets in good with Felix to bring his operation down. After about 80% of the film the shark hybrid thingy starts killing people. This was super terrible and not even bad in an entertaining way as I gotta give this waste of a parody 0 stars.

Amityville Emmanuelle (Tubi/DVD) – Welcome to all who don’t care as this is entry #52 that runs at 66 minutes and misses the total point of it being an “Emmanuelle” film. Now pay attention to the names of the characters as this will make sense not matter how terrible you think the film is? Anyway Laura Lutz daughter of George Lutz gets a bonus at work that allows her to buy a house/the American dream. Once settled in, an older woman stops by to explain she was a friend of her father’s on his deathbed and wanted Laura to have some things. One of them being Ronnie DeFeo Jr.’s ashes as George Lutz was obsessed with the house that the murders that happened. Of course this causes Laura’s friends to play with an Ouija board and her to have ghost sex! But DeFeo’s ghost wants more than sex and that is death! They bring in a psychic, have a séance, and bring DeFeo into the real world to try to kill him. All makes sense in the end except past “Emmanuelle” films were softcore porn and this was more softcore of a softcore porn???  It was weird to watch ghost sex but this was still a missed opportunity or more than likely toned down so it could be shown on mainstream streaming sites like they did with real porn in the early 2000s as I give this entry 1 ½ stars.

Big Freakin’ Snake (DVD) – Another project from Dustin Ferguson where it only lasts 46 minutes and the giant snake shows up at the beginning and the end of the film. Somewhere in the middle is a story about a possible gas leak or chemical spill (you take your pick) that causes rattlesnakes to go crazy and attack people everywhere near L.A. You also get some stock footage of snakes and the usual suspects of Mel Novak, Brinke Stevens, and Shawn C. Phillips showing up for a couple of minutes. Not totally sure what to make of this mess except I know Dustin has a cult like following but I would still proceed with caution in watching as I give the movie 1 star.

Metallica Through the Never (DVD) – Literally a 92 minute concert video with a small plot of a young roadie trying to seek out a dufflebag for the band with a small element of horror added into it. If you are a Metallica fan you’ll enjoy it for what it is if you are weird like me you still wonder what was the point and what was in the dufflebag as I give the concert video 3 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

A couple of lost episodes of the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast in this batch

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This week we come back to regale you with the pleasant tones of our voices screeching about weirdo movies… And we found another 3 flicks regulated to the darkest, dirtiest, most disgusting shelves of our collections.  First Tim picks a sci fi flick that almost every mom and pop video shop had but nobody seemed to check out in STARSHIP,  Then in honor of Michelle Nichols passing John picked one of her genre flicks in THE SUPERNATURALS,  and finally Kyle decides it’s finally time to check out ROAD GAMES starring Stacy Keach and Jamie Lee Curtis.  And we also do the rounds talking about what we watched while we were away, Answer your listener questions, and read all the news which may or may not be true.  So download this episode or Stacy Keach’s  dog will bite you in the butt.

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This week we have 3 doozies to review and talk about.  First what if Dracula from the monster squad impersonated an ancient Aztec warrior and went around murdering people in a Cinemax like sleazy late night thriller… cause that is what we got in THE BANKER. Then Kyle want’s to catch up with the antichrist in DAMIEN: OMEN II. And finally an eldritch god in a rest stop bathroom needs some help in GLORIOUS.  We also talk about what’s happening in the movie rumor laden internet, read your questions, and rundown what we have been watching the last weeks.  So download this episode or no Lovecraft Glory Hole for you!

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Another week is upon us and that means another show.  On this one John talks KISS MEETS THE PHANTOM OF THE PARK, and fuck you Gene Simmons we bootlegged this movie!  Tim picks the new Brandon Cronenberg flick INFINITY POOL, And Kyle picks a real “DAD” movie in which Lee Marvin Fights Ernest Borgnine for the hobo train riding championship belt in EMPEROR OF THE NORTH.  We also have all the thrilling thrills of reading your listener questions, checking out the world of internet movie speculation, and recapping what we have watched this week.  So download this episode or Ernest Borgnine won’t give you a handy on a sundrenched beach.

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We continue to unload a butt load of Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcasts

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This week we unlock the basement and see what kind of flicks we can unearth as Kyle spring cleans the podcast to unleash a “lost” episode.  The first flick to rear it’s ugly head is DOCTOR DEATH: SEEKER OF SOULS, and Moe Howard shows up in this.  Next it’s an old staple from the horror section of the video store called EVIL LAUGH. And finally a weirdo part murder mystery part Eye-talian Giallo part spider fetus flick called SPIDER LABYRINTH.  And of course we run down what we have been watching, the newest news, and answer your listener questions.  So download this episode or Moe will eye poke you.

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As we continue to spring clean our podcast we found another “lost” episode hiding under the fridge. On this show we talk about 3 more flicks.  The first being the movie PREDATOR may or may have not ripped off in WITHOUT WARNING starring Jack Palance and crazy ass Martin Landau. Next we have BLOOD THIRST a made in the 60’s but released in the 70’s chiller starring John’s number 1 dude Vic Diaz.  And finally old folks do some comedic killing to save their crumbling apartment killing in HOMEBODIES.  All this and the regular stuff wait.  So download this episode so Vic Diaz can continue to barbecue some fine naked ladies.

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As the spring cleaning continues we roll up the dusty rug in podcast studio A to find yet another “lost” episode.  On this one Kyle talks about the new stranger danger flick starring our guy Ethan Hawke in THE BLACK PHONE.  And then we talk about a movie that only tim gross could have found in the backrooms of YouTube called MY LOVELY BURTN BROTHER AND HIS SQUISHED BRAIN. And finally we have that movie your mother warned about taking candy from in CURSE OF THE QUEERWOLF.  And like any other episode we rundown the news and what we have been watching along with listener questions. So download this episode or else Tim Gross might make us watch another weird movie with an 8 word title… and no one wants that.

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As the spring cleaning continues we found another “lost” episode in that junk drawer that everyone seems to have in their house.  This time we have a true Asian oddity that has eluded us all but we have always wanted to check it out in EVIL DEAD TRAP.  Then we have the most metal zombies of all god damn time in their original outing in the franchise in TOMBS OF THE BLIND DEAD. And finally since we have made it this deep in our run of shows Kyle finally feels like it’s time to cover a movie that almost every podcast ends up covering in TOBE HOOPER’S LIFEFORCE.  And just like every week we have the news, listener questions, and the run down of what everyone watched this week.  So download this episode or the blind dead will forever cease to fuck shit up in the pit!

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More Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcasts

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This episode we dust off 3 more weirs, strange and obscure genre flicks and check them out.  First we have (or at least what Kyle thought) a gay panic / Carrie / high school revenge flick in FEAR NO EVIL. Then we see when you throw Roscoe P. Coltrain, a circus, a mask, and Linnea Quigley all into a blender and what we get is Tim’s pick in DEATH MASK.  And finally John talks about a pretty cool little 80’s gem with Scott Grimes of Critters fame in NIGHT LIFE.  We also, have answers to your listener questions and a whole ton of other stuff.  So download this episode or Roscoe won’t catch them dastardly Duke Boys as they jump the General Lee over a pond, and you don’t what that.

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This time it’s yet another 3 movies from the basement of that burned down video store from back in 1991. First Kyle has found a really, really weird Star Wars rip off flick that stars genre legends Vic Morrow and Sonny Chiba in MESSAGE FROM SPACE. Next we have quite the oddity that was put out by Troma and quite possibly one of the worst offenders of lying box art in DEAD DUDES IN THE HOUSE.  And finally Tim covers on of Charles Band’s first movies in MANSION OF THE DOOMED.  Spoiler Alert: it’s kinda good.  All this and a whole lot more so download this joint or Lloyd Kaufman will buy your graduation video and put it out under the title “Graduation day bloody massacre”.

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Two new episodes of Bloodbaths and Boomsticks

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This week we come back and throw 3 movies in your face of varying degrees of quality… but we will let you be the judge of that.  First we finally have a god damn Godfrey Ho movie on the show in the form of ROBO VAMPIRE 2: DEVIL’S DYNAMITE and boy howdy does Kyle dislike Godfrey Ho movies.  And secondly we have the first of the adaptations of Richard Matheson’s classic book I Am Legend in the form of 1664′ Vincent price classic THE LAST MAN ON EARTH.  And finally we unearthed a weird bit of 1995 cheese in The Haunted.  We hope you enjoy the ramblings and if you don’t there is always next time.  So, Download this episode of we will have to review more Godfrey Ho movies and no one want that.

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This time we throw 3 more genre flicks into the hopper and see what shakes out.  First Tim picks a Rod Steiger movie with a Kung Fu action premise straight from the bottom row of the Action section of you mom and pop video store in CATCH THE HEAT.  The John talks a film noir-ish type of jam with 1975’s The Dead Don’t Die.  And finally Kyle watches the original classic kid in trouble flick INVADERS FROM MARS.  And try as we might we try to get to the bottom of why everyone likes Peeps marshmallow treats.  All this and more like question, news, and what we have been watching. So download this episode or Rod Steiger won’t vote for you in the wet t-shirt contest.

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Gross Movie Reviews #601

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Amityville Ride-Share (YouTube) – NO FUCKING KIDDING KIDS! Entry #47 can’t even stick to its title as only 20% of the film is doing the Amityville Uber thing or is that copyrighted? Anyway, we get 70 minutes of portals, a midget (sorry little person clown), news story about a missing girl who may be part of a snuff film, another uber driver who gets stabby, another clown killing someone in a cannabis store, a You Tuber’s live stream of a bad weed reaction, and whatever at this point as I lost track as some dude Henry comes on screen to explain he is making “Amityville: Faces of Death” or something… I guess? Then trailers roll for twenty minutes like the terrible “Evil Bong” series and Charles Band you are not. Honestly this was a dumb idea for a movie because here is its legit issue: You stuck with the ride-share thing literally only a fraction of the film so you failed horribly as I give this 0 stars.

Message from Space (DVD) – An Asian film from 1978 about a dying planet that has an old dude who throws eight seeds into space that will sprout heroes to save them?! No, I wasn’t high when watching this… Anyhow, Sonny Chiba and Vic Morrow show up in this Japanese production to give it creditability as a princess follows the seeds so she can oversee the heroes. The plan is for these seeds to find good people to fight these evil steel plated people who if they would have listened to this cruel old lady the movie would have been over in twenty minutes as she just says most of the film “Kill so and so”! For that I give 1 ½ stars.

Mansion of the Doomed (DVD) – Okay yinz kids let me set the picture: Lance Henriksen, Richard Basehart, and Stan Winston doing effects, and Charles Band’s first produced feature supposedly… you interested? If not then you are an asshole or dead so let’s move on. An experienced doc in Dr. Chaney who is in a car accident with his daughter Nancy that causes her to go blind. Dr. Chaney has a sudden change of heart in experimentation of eyes in order to bring his daughter’s eye sight back? But this requires live donors and the first is Dr. Dan Bryan who he drugs in order to perform surgery and it works for his daughter… for a short while. Thus setting up two storylines: one the good doctor non-stop experimenting until he can perfect and truly bring his daughter’s eyesight back and second, the live donors that rot in a prison in the Dr. Chaney’s basement. On top of that his daughter going crazy from all the transplants driving her insane! This film has aged a little bit but doesn’t take away how disturbing and cringe worthy this flick is as I got to give it 3 ½ stars.

Dead Dudes in the House (DVD) – The film is also known as “The House on Tombstone Hill” and recently got the special treatment but never heard of this film. Funny thing is I know if I see it when first released in 1989 there is good chance I would be talking about it like I talk about “Spookies”. But with this we get a young group of friends arriving at a broken down home that Mark of the group just purchased. After one of Mark’s friends destroys a tombstone in the backyard an old lady wakes up and the group is suddenly locked in the house. Now this group of unsuspecting people must fight an old lady that is able to hack these people to pieces with no effort. The film has its moments, blood, and the killer old lady which makes this fall under that category of fun weird shit that includes “Spookies and The Video Dead” of we can’t explain this shit but I am giving it 3 stars.

Winnie the Pooh Blood and Honey (On Demand) – Apparently the talking animals of 100 Acres woods and our childhood stories is pissed off at Christopher Robin! All because Christopher when he grew up decided to pick college over his animal friends and there happen to be a bad winter and ate one of their own. Now, they have vowed to not talk to humans and fuck people up turning the childhood story into a subpar slasher film. Reverting back to their original instincts causes them to become the ‘bigfoot’ of our time? But of course this doesn’t stop a group of women heading to the woods for the weekend to become slasher fodder for the animals. I get the premise; I understand what was trying to be done… But lightening in a bottle only came with “The Banana Splits” if you wanna be truthful as I give this sadly unoriginal tale of our youth 2 stars.

Unwelcome (DVD) – So literally it is like someone decided there needed to be an origin story and a sequel to the wall gnome from “Cat’s Eye”? Thank you for amusing me for a minute anyhow a young couple who get brutalized in their swanky townhome recently inherit a country house in the Irish countryside and decide to go be a apart of this small community. Shortly after arriving they are told of a legend of the little people/red caps who live beyond the door of their garden. The aunt that use to live there gave them a blood offering nightly to keep them at bay or so the legend goes among the community? Well there is a lot of buildup of these redcaps the first hour or so but the payoff is glorious and enjoyable for all. Great writing, fun characters, and love that the wall gnomes live as I give this film 3 ½ stars.

Grimoire Volume One (YouTube/DVD) – A short film from filmmaker Donovan Smith who brings us a grim and gritty tale of a man reflecting on his past. He is on the hunt for something evil that leads him to an ancient book. Thus the ancient book gives him knowledge of a cruel unkind creature he has been tracking for some time and it must end now. This short film looks amazing but feels unfinished like it is supposed to lead to something or what you kids don’t know about what we call an investment video for a feature before there was a Kickstarter, indiegogo, etc. I enjoy the premise, the character, what it could be? Mr. Smith has something here; now let’s see if he takes this interesting piece in the right direction as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

On another episode of Bloodbaths and Boomsticks

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 This week we have another 3 interesting movies to talk about from all over the world.  First it’s another made for television jam starring Karen Black in THE STRANGE POSSESSION OF MRS. OLIVER.  Then we travel to Korea in PROJECT WOLF HUNTING or as Kyle likes to call it Frankenstein Murder Boat.  And finally a total classic in David Cronenberg’s VIDEODROME. We also talk about some new magazines, Kyle talks about his convention artwork collection, and why the hell it’s so hard to find 27X41 frames, We also answer your listener questions, read the news, and review all the movies we have been watching lately,  So, download this episode or we will steal all of your 70’s drive in posters.

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Two new episodes of Bloodbaths and Boomsticks

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This week John is on vacation so Kyle and Tim are going back to the old school approach.  3 movies, 2 dudes and a whole lot of good movies to talk about.  First we scream ” DEATH TO THE LACTOSE INTOLERANT’ as we cover the Swissplotation epic MAD HEIDI.  Then Eric Roberts and John Voight break out of prison and hop aboard a RUNAWAY TRAIN.  And finally a burned up Richard lynch convinces some folks to become snipers while Andy Kaufman runs around a new York Saint Paddy’s Day parade in GOD TOLD ME TO.  We also answer your listener questions, recap all the news and new trailers, and round up what we have been watching this week.  So download this episode or you will disappoint our very Swiss leader Casper Van Dean.

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This week we try something different.  We invite our good buddy Out Of Print Dan onto the show to talk about the greatest year for genre film of all time 1987… But this time its draft day!  We will be compiling a list of what we thing the top 18 movies released in 1987 were.  And as always we talk about the news, recent watches, and whatever the hell we want to talk about.  We got Dan of the show for Crist’s sake! So download this episode or you might get drafted as the next Cleveland Browns quarterback, we don’t wish that on anyone.

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Bloodbaths and Boomsticks end of the year episode!

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This week it’s that time again.  It’s time to discuss the best and the worst of what we saw in 2022, And with John out on vacation we invited another Jon on to fill.  Jon Cross joins us along with stalwart T-Shirt Joe to discuss the stuff we jammed into our eyeballs in 2022. We also ponder the state of theatrical and streaming possibilities for the near future.  And as always we read your personal lists of what was good and what was bad all year long.  So download this episode or baby new year will poo poo all over your Blu ray collection.

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New episode of Bloodbaths podcast is up kids!

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We have three more flicks to talk about this week.  First Tim picks the remake of the Jamie Lee Curtis 80’s slasher straight from Tubi TERROR TRAIN 2022.  Next we have some naked cannibal campers in NAKED CANNIBAL CAMPERS, and finally we have a movie that Kyle retitled Underground fuck trolls from Detroit in BARBARIAN.  We also read all the news that is fit to speculate on. Answer your listener questions, and run down all your listener questions.  So download this episode or Richard Brake won’t be your neighbor.

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