Gross Movie Reviews #358

Posted on September 16, 2015 by grossmoviereviews

Gross Movie Reviews #358

By Tim Gross

Dark Tower (VHS/DVD-R) – This 1987 snoozer also had a great poster like “Nomads” but also sucked out loud! The only thing going for this flick Michael Moriarty and I will watch anything that fucker shows up in just because… But anyway Mr. Moriarty plays a security adviser of a new building in Barcelona where people keep dying on a regular basis. It gets so bad they bring in a parapsychologist and Kevin McCarthy to perform an exorcism on the place. It seemed long when I watched it and not much happens till the end which isn’t enough to make me send out the 80s movie enthusiasts to look for it. I give the film 1 ½ stars and maybe should stay buried?

Halloween Hell (DVD/Vimeo) – Some college somethings come upon an evil statue thing that seems left over from a Full Moon flick made in the 2000s. A demon comes out of it and murders all of them. Years pass and it now it resides on set of a new reality Halloween show hosted by Dracula aka Eric Roberts. He brings in young, hot contestants that are supposed to stay or live through the next 24 hours, on Halloween of course, in this room with this evil statue/genie/demon doll thing. Whoever lives wins $100,000! There is buildup with strip poker and conversation until the thing comes to life again and begins slaughtering all who are trapped in the room with it while Dracula and viewers watch. I like the story concept because ever since I seen the film “The Running Man” I knew some of that TV shit they ran in the movie would be real someday cause society today is fucked. Now saying that it is very rare an independent or mainstream film is able to pull it off (Note: “Series 7” most likely pulled it off the best). I give kudos to filmmaker Ed Hunt having the great character actor Eric Roberts in as Dracula. But what turned me off the most from the film maybe the animation of the evil doll/demon/genie thing. I think I rather have seen a Killjoy rip-off or some attempt at creature suit more often than relying on the animation for the demon. But hey it’s a Halloween film and I am sure it will find an audience as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

Hellbilly (DVD/Vimeo) – Filmmaker Massimilano Cerchi has dug up his independent 2003 release and has unleashed it to the horror masses again. The film is a lean, mean, gruesome tale of a masked machete wielding maniac who is on a murder spree in the countryside. When he isn’t busy jamming to some tunes in his trailer our masked fiend is busy fighting and killing blind people, tattooed nuns, and a stupid asshole with an unplugged chainsaw! No one is safe in this film. I have to hand it to Mr. Cerchi, the film looks like a rough draft and not the final product but made the film entertaining and not boring at all. It’s like Mr. Cerchi had an idea of an independent slasher for the ADD generation? No character development or story to be told… or buildup. Here’s the killer… Here are the victims… Gore!!! Jamming to tunes in the trailer… Credits! The film gets in and out before people have had their second slice of pizza and sometimes that can be a good thing. Hey the Polonia Brothers also worked on the flick. For that I give this flick 2 ½ out of 4 stars. Go here for more information on getting your copy of the film: www.facebook.com/hellbillythemovie?fref=ts

The Barrens (DVD) – A father decides it is a good idea to take his family into the woods for some camping to help him bond with his teenage daughter and get her to except the whole family. Soon the father is having problems with other campers telling shitty campfire stories and a boy is hitting on his daughter when she is supposed to be having fun with the family. And there is this issue of him believing the Jersey Devil is out there and following them especially when they decide to leave the campground and go deeper into the woods. As he goes insane and his family fights and pleads with him to calm down bodies begin to pile up and the family finds out answers they or you the viewer are not exactly prepared for. A very good take on the Jersey Devil legend and a great story driven film that makes this lesser known 2012 release worth seeking out on Netflix, On Demand, amazon to add to your collection as I give the film 3 stars.

Violent Shit 2: Mother Hold My Hand (VHS/DVD-R) – An independent German gore film about a German dude who is interested in some horrible murders from the 60s, its killer (Karl the Butcher), and its copycats. So the person he is interviewing tells him the real story of the masked killer hacking his victims to pieces and his mother directing his rage. Fun and hokey direct-to-video gorehound stuff for the whole family. I give it 2 stars.

Venus Fly Trap (DVD) – Massacre Video digs another independent forgotten gem from 1988 that involves punks, rich people, and perversion (a little bit). Three punks decide to rob a music store but become fascinated with a young rich/yuppie couple coming in and trying to steal stuff also. After some awkward dialogue the punks follow the rich couple to a small party where a lot more awkward dialogue happens, almost rape, drinking, a bad sex scene and then one of the yuppies are watching all on security cams. And that is when the blood and murder happen. It is a weirdo no-budget film that hardcore independent film fans will love to have a part of their collection. Thanks again Louis for finding these gems as I give the film 2 out of 4 stars and you can find more at www.massacrevideo.com .

The Legend of Six Fingers (DVD) – Apparently there has been some random animal deaths in a small town recently where it interests two film students Andrew and Neil. They go interviewing the locals playing on the local sasquatch-like legend trying to make a documentary for film class. Once inspired by some of the stories they set out into the woods where they are eventually met with moving bushes, footprints, and an appearance of “Six-fingers”. After the great photos they captured from their first trip they choose to make a second trip thinking they will hit the big time if they can bring back more evidence of the local legend actually existing. Think amateur ghost hunting but for Sasquatch but in this case Six-fingers. I don’t know if you could exactly classify this film in the ‘found footage’ category as no one finds their footage but I can see why some would put it in the that category. But for me the film has that innocent/Boggy Creek feel and it doesn’t linger too long running time wise. I enjoyed the ending that actually fits the plot of the film and thought the cameos of Lynn Lowry and Debbie Rochon only helped the plot and not hinders it. And it never hurts when you can have the talented Gregory Lamberson as a producer. And now thanks to Camp Motion Pictures/Bloody Earth Films you can the DVD loaded with extras as I give the movie 2 ½ out 4 stars.

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

And do not forget to order your copy of Gross Movie Reviews: The Wrath of Gross at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-the-wrath-of-gross/paperback/product-21975934.html or pick up a copy at Cinema Wasteland October 2-4, 2015 as Out of Print Dan and myself will have a table there! Go to www.cinemawasteland.com for more details on the convention.

Gross Movie Reviews #356

Posted on August 24, 2015 by grossmoviereviews

Gross Movie Reviews #356

By Tim Gross

The Ghost Club: Spirits Never Die (DVD/Vimeo) – The lower budget film stars William Forsythe as the caretaker of a haunted mansion (The Wilkensen Mansion) that has over a hundred years of hauntings. He has opened it up for some paranormal experts who have a TV show and are always on the prowl to investigate the next haunted place. Yes, it is influenced by “Ghost Hunters” and “Ghost Adventures” shows but what makes this flick a little different and interesting is the group of experts is not exactly sure they believe in ghosts. But their perspective changes quickly when the group begins to find actual proof of spirits. But the spirits are not happy they are there and begin to terrorize the group. Soon one or more members go missing, get possessed, and even get the shit beat out of them. Usually I am all about taking a huge steamy poo on these flicks because most are useless. But director Hank Blumenthal makes great use of William Forsythe and thrives with the story at hand where most fail! For that I give this flick 3 out of 4 stars. You find out more about the film at: http://www.michaelmailerfilms.com and watch it on Amazon Prime.

Bigfoot the Movie (DVD) – This low budget flick is from filmmaker Jared Show who casts his Sasquatch film with Pittsburgh celebrities and “Pittsburgh Dad” himself Kurt Wootton. Kurt sets aside the character he is famous for to play one of the three main characters Chuck. The story centers around two of Ellwood City’s finest idiots Chuck and Dale who think they seen Bigfoot kill their friend. Eventually they involve the third main character Burl, an exterminator; to help them kill Sasquatch as no one in the small town believes them. While Bigfoot keeps decapitating the locals the only ones that seem to believe its Sasquatch is Chuck, Dale, and Burl as word has gotten out it is a bear or so it seems. Someone doesn’t want the truth to get out but the ‘three stooges’ want the creature dead. The film has quite a few laughs in it, has a great Burt Reynolds-style bar fight, and an amazing creature suit that makes the film well worth the watch no matter what your opinion is. The one thing that holds the film back is the ATV montage and the falling in love angle between Dale and the cute bartender about an hour in which stalls the laughs and the film in its tracks. But don’t let that stop you from enjoying a funny independent creature flick and one of the best Sasquatch costumes I have ever seen. I give the film 2 ½ out of 4 stars and can be found at www.jspictures.com or you can also check out www.bigfootthemovie.com .

Terminator: Genisys (Theater) – Oh the brilliant and horrible mess this film is… I love it in all its horrible mess of glory. Pretty much this time around when you watch the film you are asked to forget everything you know from past films… literally. As if you try to piece it all together it will make your head hurt. But this time around when Reese goes back to 1984 he is the one being saved by Sarah Connor and her bodyguard Arnold the Terminator who was sent back several years before that. It took a few movies but apparently Skynet got smarter (hahaha) and sent a Terminator back in time to kill Sarah Connor when she was like 8 years old… Huh? Exactly, so fuck it! You wanna see old ass Arnold fuck a lot of shit up and still be a bad ass Terminator? Bingo! You got it but remember don’t do hard drugs or drink too much while watching or you might think its 2017 and Skynet renamed itself. I give the mess 2 ½ stars.

Monkey Boy (VHS) – This British killer monkey movie had so much potential as it begins with a monkey experiment gone wrong that kills several people at The Jenner Clinic. But then it does its best to bore you to death or put you to asleep immediately as ‘Monkey Boy’ kills some kids’ parents in the countryside to play Crazy Eights with them. Go figure… I give it ½ a star.

Nomads (VHS/DVD-R) – Pierce Brosnan is anthropologist that has finally come back home from traveling all over the world but apparently some weird tribe spirits have followed him home. And now they embody some street punks that happen to be Adam Ant and Mary Woronov who haunt Pierce for most of the movie if you are able to follow this weirdo flick. The evil spirits are called Nomads in this non-exciting horror flick. I give the film 1 star.

The Believers (DVD) – This 1987 voodoo film has Martin Sheen and his kid watching his wife get electrocuted in the first five minutes of the film. It forces Martin Sheen to move across the United States to take up his practice as a doctor for cops who recently had to kill someone on duty. While Martin isn’t banging the holly hell out of his landlady his kid has been marked for sacrifice by some weird dude that was brought into the US to kill first borns so their fathers get rich, powerful, and live longer. The material the film is based on is a lot more interesting than the film itself but the film does have its moments. I give the flick 2 stars.

Blood on the Reel: The Guts behind Indie Horror (Google/DVD) – This latest project from Johnny Daggers is a documentary of sorts that shares interviews, stories, and trailers of many independent filmmakers. Mr. Daggers interviews too many to count filmmakers and film critics to tell their stories about how they got started, what influenced them, and their passion for the business. It takes you inside and also supports what a lot of these men and women do not think as a hobby as much of a dream come true and will do anything to keep making it a reality. Filmmakers such as Massimilano Cerchi, Glen Coburn, Mike O’Mahony, Craig Everett Earl give you the viewer, independent film enthusiast an inside look like never before. Of course Mr. Daggers makes himself the center of attention because it’s his project but he does a superb job of getting information out of these filmmakers that may have never been heard by a mainstream viewer. The film is an eye-opening experience even for an independent movie viewing vet like myself and gets me excited to see such a project feature so many great filmmakers the world has yet to know. I give Mr. Daggers’ well-made and well-cared for project 3 ½ out of 4 stars. You can find out more about the film at: www.sglentertainment.com and www.sglmoviestore.com

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Gross Movie Reviews #355

Posted on August 12, 2015 by grossmoviereviews

Gross Movie Reviews #355

By Tim Gross

Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Once again there is Sharknados! And they are falling on the whole East Coast and Finn must save many people again. But hey his girl Tara Reid is pregnant and about to burst but first thing is first we must have too many cameos to list and Finn must kill some CGI sharks! This is what the film boils down too: The Hoff and Finn in a space shuttle vs a Sharknado wall. Fun movie but I had a problem with this entry and it’s not so much the movie is bad but getting stale and the social media experiment is over. Oh, let’s not forget most of the sharks films that were on SyFy Channel the same week seem to try incorporate the same stale elements of the original “Sharknado” flick. I call this “overindulging” and believe there will be a price to pay when the fourth flick is released next year? Don’t get me wrong love the idea but I just think it has run its course now as I give it 2 stars even if “The Hoff” is Finn’s dad.

Outhouse (VHS) – Thanks to Rick Fusselman for getting this short film to me as it’s brilliant. One problem it was an investment film made for fun to help promote an engineering and computer design website. “Say again please?” After going through its websites on the box and google search I came across their website that looks like it hasn’t been touched in five years just like the movie. Summary: Imagine “The Deadly Spawn” are in the only outhouse in the woods, fucking amazing. But hey I want to see what else they made and nothing. Love the short film but this pisses me off that they refuse to revisit this greatness. I give it 4 out of 4 stars. And if you are bored start your search on google with spectrumvideo.com.

Sharktopus vs Whalewolf (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Casper Van Dien, movie made in Dominican Republic, and it’s a Roger Corman presents film, you knew I was watching. Unless you are drunk I do not believe your sober brain could handle how this movie exists. So get drunk and watch the chaos that I laughed the whole way through for the mere reason people think Casper Van Dien still has an acting career or could act? I give it 2 stars.

3-Headed Shark Attack (SyFy Channel/DVD) – It stars Danny Trejo and Rob Van Dam (in socks and sandals) for no apparent reason but those two were the only highlights of possibly the most boring film I ever had the displeasure of watching and I enjoy bad films. But this was a disappointment on all fronts except Rob Van Dam… Dude you are an awesome wrestler but you fucked up with the wardrobe as I give the flick 0 stars.

Lavalantula (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Oh the words could not describe how excited I was for this film existing. There were rumors of a “Police Academy” reunion… but nothing surfaced but then it happened late 2014 I heard there was a SyFy Channel movie that was going to involve as many “Police Academy” members as possible. Cinematic gold my friends! Now I am sure there was too many obstacles to call it a “Police Academy” reunion but just to have them in a movie where Guttenberg and others fight lava-spitting spiders, BRILLIANT! The film stars: Guttenberg, Michael Winslow, Leslie Easterbrook, Marion Ramsey, Patrick Renna, Nia Peeples, and the man, the myth, the legend, “Jagoff Massacre’s” own MICHAEL VARRATI. Guttenberg plays a washed up actor who has just walked off set driving home to be with his son. But then a volcanic eruption happens and causing devastation around Hollywood area and lava-spitting spiders come rolling out of the Santa Monica Mountains! Pure greatness happens as Guttenberg fights his way home and his wife Nia Peeples helps him get back to the city to rescue his son. Outside of “Sharknado” this one of the best SyFy Channel flicks in years. If anything I could see the cast being rounded up for another SyFy Channel flick… “Sharknado 4” anyone? I give it 3 stars and do yourself a favor and watched the greatness!

Fear Clinic (DVD) – Robert Englund plays Dr. Andover in a story about a doctor that has discovered a way to conquer fear. Not exactly a favorite among doctors with discoveries he keeps to himself and keeps a small clinic open to help people. Some time passes and a few of his patients including Fiona Dourif come back to visit because the visions, fears, dreams are coming back and need help. But Dr. Andover is unsure of himself after losing a patient he thought he made a breakthrough with. The movie caught me off guard as I was guessing it would be a huge shitfest of a horror flick. It wasn’t, as the horror film is kinda creepy and taps into the mind that this stuff could be ongoing today. Worth digging this newer gem up as I give it 3 stars.

Rush Week (VHS/DVD-R) – Its 1988, its Rush Week, so of course there is an unknown slasher out on campus killing all the coeds. Oh let’s not forget the lovely Kathleen Kinmont shows up long enough to get topless and die. But the movie wants you to believe there is several people that could be the killer but like most cool 80s slasher films you figured it out quickly. Especially when everyone in most of the movie talks about what happen a year ago but doesn’t talk about what happens a year ago. All in all it has the boobs, it has the blood, and it’s like a lesser known mixture of “Killer Party” meets “Pledge Night”. This was one of those films that fell through the cracks but I eventually found it and glad I did as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Body Slam (VHS/You Tube/DVD-R) – The mid-80s classic that captures what Rock-n-Wrestling was all about stars Dirk Benedict of “A-Team” fame is a personal manager Harry M. Smilak. But Harry is having tough times until he runs into Quick Ricky Roberts (Roddy Piper) who he thinks is a musical act but is then introduced to professional wrestling. Roberts and his tag team partner The Tonga Kid want to be The Cannibals for the titles but the Captain will not give them the time of day since they refused to sign with them. Funny shit ensues as Smilak also manages a band named “Kick” and has them play a benefit that goes horribly wrong. Once seeing the tag team he manages gets hurt Smilak wants out of the business until he has an idea to combine music and wrestling. The cast includes besides the great Roddy Piper and Dirk Benedict: Tanya Roberts, Captain Lou Albano, Charles Nelson Reilly, John Astin, Sam Fatu, Afa and Sika – The Samoans ( I love those guys back in the 80s), Kellie Martin, Classy Freddie Blassie, Ric Flair, and Bruno Sammartino. Great cast, cheesy story, a match made for film as I give it 4 stars.

The Suckling (VHS/DVD-R) – The movie was known to most as “Sewage Baby” but independent it used both titles when released. This 1989 release is based on the supposedly rantings of a young woman in 1973 that was sent to an asylum quickly after. Think a little “Street Trash” maybe a little “Slime City” fits right in with those cool flicks as a guy takes his girlfriend to a brothel that just happens to be an abortion clinic too. The girlfriend gets drugged and has an unwilling abortion and the fetus is flushed down the toilet. You know wholesome family entertainment. But anyway the fetus has toxic waste leak on it in the sewer and it quickly mutates into this monstrosity that takes over the brothel! It quickly massacres all who are in the brothel except its mother so it can shrink and go back in her vagina. I get so excited just knowing these types of crazy horror flicks exist and the reason why we need more Blu-ray! I give it 3 stars.

Assassination Games (DVD) – Jean-Claude Van Damme and Scott Adkins are two assassins after the same target. One is doing it for revenge and the other for money until they get screwed over and begin fighting every criminal in Romania. With the newer “Universal Soldier” films it has seem to breathe new life in Van Damme’s career and give another a career in Scott Adkins. The film is just another bad ass action film in the recent Van Damme library. I give the film 3 stars.

Conan the Barbarian (DVD/remake) – So I finally made myself watch this lackluster remake. Not that it is a bad film but it’s not good either as it tackles the retelling of the 1982 Arnold Schwarzenegger. For me at least the film comes off as a SyFy Channel fantasy film than a big block buster it was supposed to be. This time around Crom isn’t mentioned much and Conan fights a more of a sorcerer than a snake priest in James Earl Jones. I go back to why wasn’t Arnold involved and also this just exists kind of like the “Evil Dead” remake. It’s not good or bad but just exists and not very memorable. The movie seem more of a waste now more than ever as there has been a new Arnold “Conan” film announced so we will see what happens as I give this flick 1 ½ stars.

Rock N’ Roll Frankenstein (DVD) – Music agent Uncle Bernie and his nephew Frankie the scientist have an idea. The idea is to put together the next big rock star and Uncle Bernie would own everything. So Bernie sends out an old roadie and his buddies to dig up body parts from all the best rock stars. The only thing missing is the dick! The roadies fuck up and destroy Jim Morrison’s dick by accident and grab Liberace’s cock… cue all the politically incorrect gay jokes. Once the body parts are put together and “the King” is revived he isn’t all about singing the hits. But is coached along and starts to sing about his troubles: unnatural urges. The bigger the singer gets the more torn he is about his sexuality as his cock just wants dirty man butt as the dick eventually develops a voice. Meanwhile Uncle Bernie and Frankie constantly argue what is best for “the King”. An insanely fun politically incorrect horror flick that was able to combine elements of “Re-Animator, Hard Rock Zombies, and Rocky Horror Picture Show”. It is a gorefest to be sure and the band name and song “Unnatural Urges” are the two perfect words to explain Camp Motion Pictures latest DVD release but in a good way. The DVD has the usual extras of a commentary, behind the scenes, trailers but I believe horror fans will be happy knowing this hidden insanity of a horror gem has been restored to its original ratio. So gorehounds rejoice and start ordering as I give the film 3 ½ out of 4 stars. It can be found at: https://www.alternativecinema.com .

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

And do not forget to order your copy of Gross Movie Reviews: The Wrath of Gross at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-the-wrath-of-gross/paperback/product-21975934.html or pick up a copy at Cinema Wasteland October 2-4, 2015 as Out of Print Dan and myself will have a table there! Go to www.cinemawasteland.com for more details on the convention.

Gross Movie Reviews #353

Posted on July 13, 2015 by grossmoviereviews

Gross Movie Reviews #353

By Tim Gross

Stone Cold (DVD) – A very underrated action flick from the early 90s starring none other than Brain Bosworth as Officer Hough who goes undercover for the FBI. Hough’s undercover name is John Stone and the reason the FBI was interested in the Boz is he gets the job done. But this gig might be too much as he must get tight with a murderous biker gang lead by the man, the myth, the legend Lance Henriksen and his insane cohort William Forsythe! He gets in by going to kill a traitor of the gang. Boz actually deports the guy and uses him for information but comes back to haunt him later in the film. A lot of fun B-movie action with a couple A-list actors that I believe has gotten better with age. So do yourself a favor if you are action movie fan and rewatch this flick as I give 3 stars and then after that watch the 30 for 30 special on ‘The Boz’ and it puts a lot of things in focus if you were ever a fan of ‘The Boz’?

Aftermath (DVD) – Edward Furlong and Monica Keena star in what I claim is a remake of the 80s TV movie “The Day After”. As people are effected by the nuclear bombs that have been dropped on US soil one day. Trying to ride it out in a basement eventually they are driven out by crazed survivors of the devastation. Sad, depressing, and a little realistic like “The Day After” but well worth the watch if you enjoy post-apocalyptic flicks? I give the depressing look at what may happen someday 3 stars.

The Dead 2: India (DVD) – The zombie saga continues as apparently the sickness has reached the slums of a major city in India and the story centers around an American engineer and his Indian girlfriend. Just finding out she is pregnant he is trying to make his way to her home to help her and her family to escape the outbreak. Not as intriguing as the first film but not as boring either but my main issue is they seem to mail in on the effects. Like or not the first film had some amazing effects work. I watched it mainly because it is a sequel but I wouldn’t make it a point to go out of your way to see it as I give it 2 stars.

Hell Baby (DVD) – A hilarious flick about a couple who buy a house that happens to be haunted, has Key from the Key & Peele show living in the duct work, and was a steal because it was in a bad neighborhood. Soon the couple realize that the baby that is coming a spawn from hell and they need an exorcism. Hilarity ensues as it does make fun of several recent films but possibly the best part of the film is Key’s character as he just pops up everywhere in the house in almost every scene and has most of the great lines. I give it 2 ½ stars.

Gallowwalkers (DVD) – I personally was hoping Wesley Snipes first horror movie in sometime would may be a “Blade” sequel but instead was this oddity of a bad film. Wesley Snipes’ character murders the gang that rape his woman, then they come back to life killing across the old west. And now Snipes is hunting them down again. Doesn’t make a ton of sense and kinda boring but couldn’t help myself wanting to see Wesley Snipes in another horror flick. I am disappointed and must give the film 1 star.

Sharks’ Treasure (DVD) – A 1975 film most likely trying to cash in on the “Jaws” fame with four dudes (one of them Yaphet Kotto) going to seek a sure thing in treasure off a small island. Once found and celebrating they are boarded by escape convicts that are looking for a boat to take them to freedom. Now the four must decide do they want to live or die trying to keep the treasure they have found. Not the most exciting shark film but you do get to see Yaphet Kotto fight a shark and that’s worth 2 stars alone.

Rites of Spring (DVD) – For the past years in this small community in Mississippi, young women of disappeared around the first day of spring. Now kidnappers of rich dude’s kid get involved by accident when a girl screaming bloody murder runs through the kidnapping gone bad and they all must deal with some creature that decapitates people. Apparently a farmer uses this creature for an early harvest every year and it has been a part of the family throughout generations. Great looking box art, but disappointing attempt at a scarecrow slasher type of horror film. There was nothing very memorable about the film as I give it 1 ½ stars.

Call Girl of Cthulhu (Blu-ray/DVD) – First, great title for an independent horror film. Second, it’s been picked up by Camp Motion Pictures so you the horror fan including myself are going to be in for a treat. The story begins with a man named Carter Wilcox, who is trying to explain the events that have happened recently while he sits in front of a detective that wants answers. Mr. Wilcox is an artist but he is a lonely artist with a noisy roommate named Erika. Carter has a chance meeting with an escort named Riley who Wilcox asks to paint her. They become friendly and boom ‘The Great Old Ones’ are in town looking for a woman with a Cthulhu birthmark on her ass (Riley). Going through all the escorts in town they finally know its Riley. Once captured, she becomes the vessel for the legendary evil creature and breaks off her relationship with Wilcox. But meanwhile Wilcox just got a gig copying an old weird book. Then we got death by dildo and plastic fan, a really cool tongue cutting scene, heads exploding, zombie whores, crazy gore and goo flying everywhere, Riley turns into really weird and awful looking creature that resembles Chet from “Weird Science”, and it’s all happening at the ‘Church of Starry Wisdom’. First half of the film is a lot of tits and ass but once the film progresses into the Cthulhu mythology of how ‘The Great Old Ones’ are trying to bring Cthulhu into the world the film gets really interesting and entertaining. With the title it has it is expected to have some nude scenes but I was more impressed with not only the creature and cool make-up effects but the awesome and entertaining storyline plus the actors that played Riley, Carter, and Erika did a wonderful job. Also the Blu-ray combo pack has one of the best extras I have come across this year and it’s called: “My 5-year old niece explains Cthulhu”. It is so cute and so freaking hilarious! I have to give this entertaining independent horror/comedy 3 ½ out of 4 stars. Do yourself a favor and order a copy now at: www.alternativecinema.com .

Non-stop (DVD) – Liam Neeson proves this flick is no “Passenger 57” or “Executive Decision” and makes no sense why he would do this uninteresting action flick over an “A-team” sequel. Found it boring at times, skip this one folks and go watch “Run All Night” or “Taken” again as I give it 1 ½ stars.

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

And do not forget to order your copy of Gross Movie Reviews: The Wrath of Gross at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-the-wrath-of-gross/paperback/product-21975934.html or pick up a copy at Horror Realm July 24-26^th, 2015 as Out of Print Dan and myself will have a table there! Go to www.horrorrealmcon.com for more details on the convention.

Gross Movie Reviews #350

Posted on June 7, 2015 by grossmoviereviews

Gross Movie Reviews #350

By Tim Gross

What We Do in The Shadows (DVD/On Demand) – Loving the horror flicks coming out of New Zealand as they are just absolutely amazing over the past year! This isn’t a horror movie as its more of a documentary/mockumentary about a camera crew given access to a flat housing four vampires in 2012… and crucifixes! The camera crew is given full access to film everything of this secret society where vampires, werewolves, zombies, all exist and living among us in a major city in New Zealand and always have. But the crew is there to record the everyday simple stuff leading up to an event called “The Unholy Masquerade” where all the monsters or creatures of the night get together for a night of partying. And no humans are allowed! It’s a well-produced monster reality show of the four vampires living together, telling their stories, and how they came to be until now. While the camera crew is there they mistakenly make another vampire who introduces them to his human friend Stewart who in return introduces the vampires to cell phones, internet, and friendship. Another flick I feel many people will have on their list of best movies for 2015 as I will. I literally busted out laughing more than a few times while watching. Great stuff! I give it 4 stars, at first I was only going to give it 3 ½ stars but I rewatch it and laughed harder.

Virtuosity (DVD/YouTube) – Its 1995, it’s another movie about virtual reality coming to life, and it stars Mr. Denzel Washington. Biggest difference between this and many other movies that were a product of that concept at the time weren’t very good in the first place but if anything this flick may have gotten better with age as I am the first to admit I did not like this film when it was first released. Oh, did I mention Russell Crowe is the villain, William Forsythe, Traci Lords, Kelly Lynch are in the film. The film centers on virtual reality of course or ‘LETAC’ to be precise as they have come up with a program called “Sid 6.7” aka artificial intelligence. He is to be shut down after killing a prisoner during a simulation for police training. When Sid 6.7 convinces his master to produce him in the real world, real people begin to die and it’s up to another convict Parker (a convict also) to go catch him. It is a little 1995ish but great sci-fi fun as you can see a young Russell Crowe before he beats up hotel telephones and Denzel realize he can be an action star? I give it 3 stars.

Gator Bait (VHS/DVD-R) – Is there such a thing as redneck-exploitation? Well I think I found it in this 1974 film that stars the absolutely stunning Claudia Jennings who died at 29 only a few years after this film’s release as a wild child of the back swamps of Louisiana. Claudia aka Desiree Thibodeau takes care of her younger sister and brother in the swamps and is pretty much left alone by local authorities. But there is stories of her cutting a man’s balls off because of him trying to bump uglies with the young lady and all she wants to do is be left alone to take care of her kin! Once she escapes the antics of the sheriff’s son and his friend Ben Bracken that he accidentally shoots when Desiree throws snakes in their boat a hunting party is formed to go bring her in and pay for what she did even though it isn’t her fault someone was shot. The hunting party consists of the Bracken family and the sheriff and his son. They tell stories of the legendary Thibodeau family and how they have lived in deep dark swamps poaching gators for many years. But after Desiree’s sister is shot in the vagina and killed Desiree thirsts for revenge hardcore style as she leads the hunting party deeper in the woods and becomes their worst nightmare. Never seen it until and think it’s an amazing 70s film! I give it 3 ½ stars.

Gator Bait 2: Cajun Justice (DVD/DVD-R) – A sequel made fourteen years later made by the Sebastian couple who directed and wrote the first film put their daughter in the lead role of this mostly boring and really useless film unless you are into incest… kind of? Angelique and Big T get married. Big T just happens to be the boy, now a man, from the first film who didn’t talk because he didn’t have a tongue but now is perfectly fine as he bangs the bejesus out of the Sebastian’s daughter on film several times. And before some crazy redneck dudes come by to watch her bathe, kidnap her, rape her, she escapes, fuck people up, end of movie. But that is the problem Angelique aka Sebastian’s daughter is a beautiful redhead… Awesome! But remember her parents are filming her rolling in the hay several times with Big T which is about 70% of the film. Weird! Incest weird… Like weirder than the Mr. Dario Argento rumors or stories horror fans have heard about with Asia Argento, oh yeah I went there. The movie is bad but takes a whole other weird reason to watch it when you know Jan Sebastian’s aka Angelique is given direction by her parents: Okay show more boobs… Good now you will be topless for 65% of the film and we will film the character Big T fake banging you in the sack! WEIRD SHIT PEOPLE? Maybe this is the reason Mr. Quast and Mr. Poling believe I will watch anything and the human shield for bad movies? Anyway I give it 1 ½ stars, why… She’s a redhead, I thought that was simple.

Maggie (OnDemand) – Arnold Schwarzenegger and zombies shouldn’t be in the same sentence unless we are talking about my reimagining of “I Am Legend aka Last Man on Earth aka Omega Man”… Apparently I was wrong as I sat down to watch this amazing performance from crazy old ass Arnold as a farmer in the Midwest who is trying to protect his family from a virus that turns people into zombies and possibly came from the crops that are now being burned by everyone. His daughter Maggie runs away to the big city to see the devastation and is bitten. Arnold brings her home from the hospital to try and live comfortably before she turns. This isn’t your typical balls to the walls bloodbath of zombies as the film is more about the story of love between father and daughter and the progression of this particular zombie virus. You do not immediately turn into a flesh-eater it takes several weeks and there is a quarantine set up. It’s more of humanity still trying to control the apocalypse before it all goes to shit! Let me say also Abigail Breslin as Maggie was wonderful. There is maybe four zombies and a few ounces of blood throughout which sets this film far apart from your usual zombie fare but a must watch for all horror fans as Arnold may be doing some of his best work of his career right now! I give this cool zombie/end of the world flick 3 ½ stars.

Don’t Despair (You Tube) – A sixteen minute short film from a filmmaker named Alfred Giancarli. Never heard of him but glad I do now. Alfred directs a fun little masterpiece about a famous serial killer… of sorts? Two collectors who meet to exchange a piece of history like most collectors. But this is different, the man and woman or Rachel and William are people who collect items of serial killers but this magazine William brings to exchange has an extra added happiness for Rachel as she can absolutely feel the thoughts and feelings of her favorite serial killer. And it is very apparent she feels the same connection now after talking for several minutes with William. Because of this connection Rachel has a special surprise for William and without me giving too much of the short film away I will allow you to go watch it yourself: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfOnRpmHbSI . But this one of the best short films I have had the pleasure seeing. Alfred gave great direction and Erin Etheridge and Kevin Reed were perfect for the roles of the two main actors. After watching it a second time I believe Mr. Giancarli is smart enough to understand this concept cannot be stretch to a full feature as it might kill the magic captured in the short film and some things should be just left alone as you move on to new and different projects. I give it 4 out of 4 stars and horror fans give yourself a present today and go watch this short film.

Kung Fury (YouTube) – There is a bad VHS tape that has horrible tracking and has a movie on it called, “Kung Fury”. A crazy mixture of nerd’em, the 80s, ninjas, and elements of the movies “Manborg” and “Iron Sky” and you have this crazy mix of a 30 minute computer animated film that has Hitler time traveling! It is one of those “WTF did I watch but I like it” films. It is set in Miami, 1985 where a cop named Kung Fury was hit by lightning and bitten by a cobra at the same time after his partner was sliced and diced. Now he has new super Kung Fu powers of some ancient monks. He stops an out of control video arcade machine that is giving people the finger and killing them only to ridiculed for all the damage done to the city. Seconds after Hitler arrives and kills all the cops through the phone and Kung Fury must travel with help of ‘Hackerman’ to stop Hitler. Brilliant and thank you David Sandberg (Any chance you related to famous Chicago Cubs second baseman Ryan Sandberg?) as I give the 30 minute film 4 stars.

Cheap Thrills (DVD) – This was an oddity sent my way by Out of Print Dan who said I needed to watch it. A pretty dark film about two friends who haven’t seen each other in five years and meet in a dive bar talking about all their bad luck of recent times. They meet a married couple who are having a good time and start making stupid bets like “who will drink the whiskey faster?” Soon the two longtime friends find themselves wrapped up in this twisted fantasy of free money and over the top bets. Everything from cutting off a pinky for $15,000 to banging the dude’s wife for $4500 as it just spirals out of control in a night of craziness. I give the film 3 stars and did I mention Trent Haaga was one of the writers on the flick.

The Abominable Dr. Phibes (DVD) – Oh the beauty this film is as it stars Vincent Price in one of his best roles as a crazy, over the top, undead doctor who seeks revenge against the doctor and his assistants who killed his wife several years ago. When people start showing up dead from bats, snakes, and all kinds of crazy things, Scotland Yard begins to investigate all the doctors past patients but is it too late for them to stop the reign of terror that Dr. Phibes spreads across London? This is one of those films that don’t make total sense but you don’t care as horror fans just sit back and enjoy Vincent Price having fun and total weirdness of the film. I give the film 4 stars.

Dr. Phibes Rises Again (DVD) – Three years has past and Dr. Phibes has risen from the grave only to find his home in shambles and his map to immortality gone. This map is the key for his wife to be restored to life again as he is still protecting her. Soon people die mysteriously again in London but a strange death of a man dead in a life size Gin bottle sends Scotland Yard to Egypt where they want to capture Dr. Phibes before he spreads his reign of terror again. It’s weird; it’s the 70s, its Vincent Price playing an Organ, why wouldn’t you want to watch this sequel as I give it 3 stars.

Cabin by the Lake (DVD) – Judd Nelson in one of his best roles outside of “The Breakfast Club” where the character Stanley who is a writer and he is a serial killer. Stanley is working on a new script for a film that is supposed to be going into production but is still trying to decide how to flesh it out and end it. Stanley is a serial killer who not only kills his victims underwater but also sets them up in his garden where he tends to them daily until one gets away. And with the help of a special effects couple and the local police they try to set up Stanley so he can be captured. I believe this flick premiered on the USA network in 2000 before being released on DVD. Don’t forget to check out Michael Weatherly as the deputy before he became an N.C.I.S. agent on the long running popular NCIS show. I give the film 3 stars.

Return to Cabin by the Lake (DVD) – The sequel was released a year later but takes place a couple years later as a film crew is trying to film the story of Stanley and his “Garden of Flesh”. Stanley survives the first film and returns killing his way onto the set of the movie of his life as a second-unit director where he is trying to have the story told correctly. The movie centers more on more of his obsession as a writer is trying to get into Stanley’s head even he is believed dead to make the movie the way it should be. Bodies pile up and Judd Nelson is still pretty good as Stanley the serial killer but the sequel loses its luster the original had as I give it 2 stars.

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

And do not forget to order your copy of Gross Movie Reviews: The Wrath of Gross at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-the-wrath-of-gross/paperback/product-21975934.html or pick up a copy at Horror Realm July 24-26^th, 2015 as Out of Print Dan and myself will have a table there! Go to www.horrorrealmcon.com for more details on the convention.

Gross Movie Reviews #349

Posted on May 25, 2015 by grossmoviereviews

Gross Movie Reviews #349

By Tim Gross

Age of Tomorrow (DVD/SyFy Channel) – It is a cheap “Armageddon” meets “War of the Worlds”, so of course I had to see it but the real question is: Do you? I give it 1 star.

Mad Max: Fury Road (Theater) – What can be said about this amazing movie that hasn’t already been said. I know just thinking about the film gets me a high school boner but anyway it has been 30 years since the last sequel and things have changed script wise, casting wise, etc. But George Miller being undeterred by this process possibly put together the best movie sequel ever made? Oh yes I went there “Aliens”, “Terminator 2”, and “Dawn of the Dead” fans. I believe this film has entered that debate but that is for another time… Max now played by Tom Hardy, perfectly mind you is or has gone completely mad. He has flashbacks, he is afraid of the living and dead but yet there is still an ounce of humanity in him to help people against all odds with his life in the balance. After Max’s narration at the beginning of the film, insanity begins as Max is being chased, captured, escapes, captured again and becomes a blood bag (long story). After that you are introduced to Charlize Theron who apparently has a robotic arm of sorts and has her own plans driving the ‘war rig’ to a different destination. Through incredible stunts, car chases, death, and complete insanity Max rules and explains there is no hope. My best example of what this movie could be summarized is: Imagine George Miller goes I want $150 million dollars to make “The Road Warrior” on steroids! DONE! Toecutter is back, a blind man playing a guitar on top of a rig that shoots flames; the 660 HP police interceptor is back, Tom Hardy has eight lines in two hours of movie, old ladies can ride motorcycles and fuck up your ass from a distance, for the love of Mel Gibson and Tom Hardy this is the movie of 2015 hands down. Now for those of you that are complete asses that a) did not go, b) and the biggest problem claim the movie is 90% CG’d, c) think “Pitch Perfect 2” was a better choice… FUCK OFF! Now if you thought the film was 90% CG’d there is a good chance you are not reading this review or you are my friend at this point. Very few films get me wanting to argue the geek things of films but this film is my line in the sand of writing reviews. What does that mean? Well you can have the opinion that you didn’t like the movie, cool, I understand we can have an intelligent conversation about that shit. But your first line or two that comes out of your mouth is that its 80 or 90% CG’d, please do all of us a favor and stop existing so we have more air, fuel, and electricity for a little longer before the world does become a wasteland! The movie is so bad ass it gets 4 ½ out of 4 stars! Thank you George Miller.

Samurai Avenger: The Blind Wolf (Blu-ray) – A man who is out with his family by the lake basically has his dream raped and tortured. Several years later a blind samurai is seeking the man, Nathan Flesher, who did this wrong. But the blind samurai must overcome several tests before he even gets in front of Nathan for possibly his final fight of his life. A film that was released in 2009 that is getting the proper treatment from is a fun homage of cinema that became in vogue for a lot of Americans during the late 80s and early 90s of tape trading. The fun flick also has oodles of extras for fans to pore over for many hours. Synapse as usual did a great job on the package and the movie is a must see for “samurai’ fans as to me at least it had the feel of “Six-string Samurai” if it helps? I give it 3 out of 4 stars and can be purchased at www.synapse-films.com .

Interzone (VHS/DVD-R) – A 1987 post-apocalyptic flick that stars a Bruce Abbott fresh off of “Re-Animator” playing a character named ‘Swan’ who may be the savior to some monk named ‘Panasonic’ and his friends who are trying to protect their treasure. Meanwhile a hot looking muscle bound woman wants that treasure and has failed several times to bust through the monk’s force field but knows it is weakening. So it’s up to Swan after his life is saved by Panasonic to stop these weirdos from killing all the monks and taking their treasure. There is a six-wheeler golf cart with cannon on it but it’s never used which is a big bag of bullshit. And if wondering I believe there is an out-of-print region 2 DVD floating around out there as I give it 2 ½ stars. Would have gotten 3 out of 4 stars if Bruce would have be shooting people with that cannon “Sonny Boy” style.

House of the Long Shadows (VHS) – A writer makes a bet for $20,000 he can write a manuscript in a haunted house in 24 hours and it would be called, “Midnight Manor”. Soon John Carradine, Vincent Price, Peter Cushing all show up for a family reunion of sorts knowing the house is being sold and the man buying it shows up and just happens to be Christopher Lee! Plus the family has a deep secret that has been hidden for 40 years. Great concept for 60s or 70s Hammer flick but this is 1983 and those crazy two guys that gave us a bunch of over the top 80s action flicks thought they could make it happen again. Like I said cool concept but even in 1983 let alone watching it now the film just seems out of place and kind of distorted. Any way worth watching just because of the cast as I give it 2 stars.

Shocking Dark (DVD-R/YouTube) – An 1989 Eye-talian flick that was directed by Vincent Dawn aka Bruno Mattei and was at one point titled “Terminator 2” is a combo of “Aliens” and “Terminator” with most of the popular scenes from James Cameron’s “Aliens” ripped off! Venice, Italy has become what is now called “Dead City” as experiments poisoned the water and a deadly cloud sits above the city not allowing humans to live there unless underground. But once contact with ‘Shelter 65’ is lost it is up too Operation: Delta Venice to go in for a rescue and hope it’s not a bug hunt? Scientists fucked up and now they are all mutating and attacking any live humans. All I know someone’s has got sued by 20^th Century Fox and most likely by several other people as I give this weird greatness called “Shocking Dark” 2 stars.

Matango: Attack of the Mushroom People (DVD) – A Toho Production about a ship that gets caught up in a storm and shipwrecks on an island that seems to have no life. While searching for help the small crew finds another large shipwrecked vessel that they find food on and use it as shelter. They also find that scientists were on board doing experiments that eventually went wrong. Now, if you eat the mushrooms you trip your ass off then die or get attacked by mushroom monsters/zombies that make you eat the mushrooms. Weird, creepy, and a little hilarious describe this 1963 flick as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Rollerblade Warriors: Taken By Force (VHS/DVD-R/YouTube) – A very popular title on Rhonda Shear’s “USA Up All Night” stars Kathleen Kinmont who is a pretty blonde actress who became a favorite of horror fans after her roles in “Halloween 4” and “Bride of Re-Animator”. Here Miss Kinmont aka former wife of Lorenzo Lamas is a sword wielding Karin Cross who is protecting a creature or woman of hope or post-apocalyptic nun named Gretchen during their trip across the Wasteland. Gretchen is considered a ‘seer’. Important… Meanwhile some dude in a gas mask and bio-hazard outfit must get a virgin sacrifice for the radioactive creature that roams the refinery that keeps the wasteland town up and running. Reminds me a lot of “When Hell Comes to Frogtown”. The most hilarious part is there are warriors on roller skates trying to skate across the desert but when it becomes fight time they suddenly lose their skates in most scenes and they are foot fighting men and for that I am thankful so no one was getting hurt. I give this senseless but fun movie that only seems to exist because I do 2 ½ stars.

The Walking Deceased (DVD) – A brand new spoof of course on “The Walking Dead” series but incorporates every popular zombie flick most people ever heard of into the plot. A sheriff wakes from his coma looking for his kid Chris, I mean Carl, actually Chris and trying to find this group of people who are hiding in a mall away from zombies. Once they all meet up and they close down the zombie strip club they travel to a farm in hopes of finding salvation. First thirty minutes I was laughing a ton but as most spoofs go on they lose their steam and become your average spoof that you usually never revisit again. But just knowing this exists will most likely piss off “The Walking Dead” hardcore fans which is cool with me. I give it 1 ½ stars.

Butchered (DVD) – A convicted killer/Terrace Skinner aka bootleg Kurt Angle has escaped custody before being sent to the electric chair to death. Meanwhile bootleg Joe Estevez drops his younger brother and friends off at an island in North Carolina for one last weekend of partying before parting for college. Do yourself a favor for a drinking game: Watch this movie and chug a beer or take a shot when you hear a character say “Oh my god, we are all going to die” and you will be dead. I give it 2 out of 4 stars just for having two bootleg characters in an independent flick.

A Bothered Conscience (DVD) – The independent flick begins in 1974 Arkansas where a man has a child with him and shoots another hunter. Soon this becomes a regular thing. Speed up about 20 years and the man is an old guy who is still with the child who is a grown man and is teaching him about killing people who are trespassing. The local sheriff comes out bitching about the 41 unsolved incidents and the old guy doesn’t care but threatens the sheriff’s life. Old guy gets his head blown off after someone is seeking revenge for a relative and now it is up to the son to take care of business. Problem, the grown kid is haunted by those who have been killed by his father. The movie is well-produced but I found myself not nearly interested in it as much I should have been? Different plot or structure it may have kept my interest but it did show the filmmakers have talent or at least an idea of what they want to do and that’s awesome in my book as I give this flick 2 out of 4 stars and can be found at www.midnightreleasing.com .

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

And do not forget to order your copy of Gross Movie Reviews: The Wrath of Gross at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-the-wrath-of-gross/paperback/product-21975934.html or pick up a copy at Horror Realm July 24-26^th, 2015 as Out of Print Dan and myself will have a table there! Go to www.horrorrealmcon.com for more details on the convention.

Gross Movie Reviews #348

Posted on May 11, 2015 by grossmoviereviews

Gross Movie Reviews #348

By Tim Gross

Wyrmwood: Road of the Dead (On Demand) – It is easily one of the most anticipated horror films since Rob Zombie’s “House of a 1000 Corpses” and has the tagline “Mad Max meets Dawn of the Dead”! I am here to tell you horror fans nothing can live up to that fucking hype. Very good flick but not legendary so tame down your fat peckers and bloated vaginas horror fans. The first good thing it got going for it is its ‘Australian’! Second, its gory as a mother fucker… But here it is, some weird shit happens overnight, like “Night of the Comet” shit people where stars are falling and people notice. But next morning some have turned into some crazy ass flesh-eating beings… Zombies! With a twist! Apparently, their breath is methane and they get faster at night as all the world’s flammable fuels have become water. And anybody that has A-negative blood type is immune to the zombie virus. Most of the film centers around two characters in Barry and Brooke. Barry just killed his daughter and wife and has blown his attempt at suicide so his next best option is trying to find his freaking hot artist of a sister Brooke who has been captured by some so-called government folks and is being experimented on. I totally understand the tagline while watching the film but my only problem with the film and it could be me nit-picking at it is the film is not sure what exactly it wants to be: that serious zombie flick, the zombie-comedy, the crazy ‘Peter Jackson type zombie flick, it seems to not make up its mind especially with the ending it gives us. Don’t get me wrong I really enjoyed it but let’s not anoint a film before we have seen it. I give the cool flick 3 ½ stars.

To Hell with a Bullet (DVD/Amazon Prime) – A story about a singer named Billy who has been in a heavy rock band for over ten years and they have never got their break. One day down on his luck Billy is fired from his own band, his girlfriend wants to kick him out, and on top of that he just happens to kill his stripper girlfriend by accident. But things are looking up as Billy goes to see this voice doctor dude who is going to help Billy get his voice back. From there Billy gains a new friend who doesn’t care his stripper girlfriend is dead, he gets his band back, and a record producer is coming to see the band this coming Friday night. The story has been done in several forms over the years in short film, TV series, and so on, so it’s a logical choice to get a flick under your belt and put out there for the masses. I enjoyed the film from Vick Wright originally from the UK. I understand why he would go this route, but the film focuses way too much on the music than story and it’s a little long (106 minutes). That doesn’t mean it’s a bad film as much as it means to me Vick Wright to get a feel of filmmaking in Hollywood. The film has great direction, good music, great presentation, but would have loved to see more of the voice doctor/Satan character as many filmmakers do not flesh out this character enough usually due to restraints by the studio? I may have not like the flick as much as some horror fans will but what it shows me is Vick Wright hasn’t found the right project for his talents… I give the flick 2 out of 4 stars and wish him luck in the future. You can get the flick at this link: http://www.amazon.com/Hell-Bullet-Timothy-V-Murphy/dp/B00WL8LTO0/ref=sr_1_1?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1431389442&sr=1-1&keywords=To+Hell+with+a+Bullet

Splatter Asylum (DVD) – A rereleased film from legendary independent filmmaker Todd Sheets from 1996 has found its way to DVD. Rudy has bought a mansion he wants to turn into a club but finds out the hard way it’s haunted during a house warming party he was having for friends. The friends find a book or journal all about the haunted house and all the fucked up shit that went down many years ago. The film is a crazy gooey mix of “Killer Party”, “Night of the Demons”, and ‘Lovecraft’ without the budget. But hey it’s Todd Sheets and I will watch anything that awesome mother fucker makes as he made the “Zombie Bloodbath” trilogy! I give it 2 out of 4 stars and more about the film can be found at: www.zombiebloodbath.com .

2020 Texas Gladiators (YouTube) – Not totally sure if its available on DVD but for the love of Rutger Hauer it is directed by Joe D’Amato and written by George Eastman under different names in all its Eye-talian glory! What you need to know: it’s a post-apocalyptic film set in 2020 where the so-called New World Order takes over an energy refinery and Texas Rangers come to fight them. No there isn’t no Chuck Norris… No there isn’t any Kevin Nash or Scott Hall… But there is random death and rape in this mish-mash of a flick that is like a couple scripts mashed together! So thank you George Eastman for not eating babies in every movie and giving us this random crap… I give it 2 stars.

Escape from the Bronx aka Bronx Warriors 2 (YouTube) – Don’t get me started on trying to explain which is the real sequel, this flick or “The New Barbarians” with Fred “the Hammer” Williamson as it’s more confusing than Charles Band’s “Puppet Master” timeline. But if you are a fan of the original “1990 Bronx Warriors”, get your motorcycle with the plastic skull on it and your Mark Gregory poster out as it picks up shortly after that. The evil rich dudes that failed to kill off the gangs in the first flick decided they had about $10,000 left from the first film’s budget and Henry Silva was in town so they made a sequel. Only in this flick ‘Trash’ aka Mark Gregory comes up with a plan to capture the evil president dude to stop the extermination of the people of the Bronx. Problem is the film leaves you thinking there may be a third film and it’s not 1983 so I am not sure if Enzo G. Castellari still has a unproduced script lying around. I give the flick 2 stars and well worth knowing it exists!

Wheels of Fire (YouTube) – A film from 1985 that not only is a bootleg of “Mad Max” but may have bought the left over props from the first two films down to the cars. Our main character ‘Trace’ rolls into a nomad town to see his sister who may have the most topless scenes in one movie ever made. Well of course Trace slightly upsets the nomads and they are after Trace and his sister. Trace’s sister gets kidnapped and raped often as Trace is busy doing his super bootleg version of Mad Max and meets another girl named “Stinger”. They have sex, she dies, and then he remembers to go save his sister. Amazing stuff folks! It is truly the closet Mad Max rip-off I have ever seen and for that I am grateful as I give it 3 stars.

Whispers in the Gloom (DVD) – Another rerelease onto DVD from legendary independent filmmaker Todd Sheets that was released in 1998. Aliens have landed and they just happened to be in a small town where a man who claimed to work at Area 51 calls into a radio show that gets shut down shortly afterward. The radio host and guest who happen to be an action star soon rock out in a Ford Tempo and must use kung fu to defeat aliens! Only Todd Sheets could make this shit happen besides the Polonia Brothers and it is acceptable! I give the very entertaining film 2 ½ out of 4 stars and can be found at www.zombiebloodbath.com .

Mother’s Day Massacre (DVD) – A skinny dude named Jimmy has always wondered who his mom was as he hates his father who mistreats him and his girlfriend on a regular basis. After his girlfriend encourages him to go to this mysterious old redneck backwoods town, his friends get murdered by two weirdos! Jimmy soon finds out his dad was more than just your average asshole and only realizes when it’s too late that he wants to bang the neighbor girl. It’s weird, it had massacre in the title, it is a slasher, and has a couple cool make-up effects, so of course I watched it as I give it 2 out of 4 stars and can be found at www.midnightreleasing.com .

Bread Crumbs (DVD) – Well if you ever wondered what would happen if Hansel and Gretel were evil and happen to stumble upon a porn crew who happens to be filming their latest project in a well hidden cabin you have your movie here… I give it 1 ½ out of 4 stars.

Endgame (YouTube/DVD) – Another 1983 post-apocalyptic flick that has George Eastman, Al Cliver, and Joe D’Amato all involved in the year 2025 where New York City is in radioactive ruins. The film literally predates “The Running Man” by a few years but turns into two different movies 30 minutes in when the lead character is asked by a mutant to help her and friends to a safe zone outside the city for gold. This flick may have the all-you-can-eat menu of post-apocalyptic Eye-talian flicks as it jams in ten different plots into one great film that has the “Rocky 3” ending. If there was a film I would have to point Eye-talian film fans to it would be this classic as it has everything you could want as I give the flick 3 ½ stars. And let me take this time to thank George Eastman and the character ‘Ninja’ for bringing me this entertainment!

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

And do not forget to order your copy of Gross Movie Reviews: The Wrath of Gross at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-the-wrath-of-gross/paperback/product-21975934.html

Gross Movie Reviews #347

Posted on April 26, 2015 by grossmoviereviews

Gross Movie Reviews #347

By Tim Gross

Future Kick (DVD) – It’s the year 2025 and Roger Corman has no budget as usual but have people put together a fun futuristic sci-fi flick starring Don “The Dragon” Wilson, Meg Foster, and Chris Penn. Wilson is the last of the cyborgs who are being hunted down by authorities who helped put the world back in order after the apocalypse and all the rich people moved to the moon. When Meg Foster’s famous computer programmer husband goes back to earth and dies a horrible death, Foster goes to investigate. Oh wait… Fuck you it’s all part of a virtual reality program! Wait “Total Recall”, “Brainscan”, “Wisdom”… you get the picture as I give the flick 1 ½ stars.

Big Bad Wolf (DVD) – A mad mess of a werewolf movie that stars “Full Moon” sensation Robin Sydney, Clint Howard for a cameo, David Naughton for a little more than cameo, the girl from Disney’s “Halloweentown” all pierced up, and “Three O’clock High’s” Richard Tyson as the werewolf version of Freddy Kruger. I didn’t know if I should be excited and have a horror movie orgasm or go find a copy of 1996’s “Bad Moon”… I give the ‘should have been better werewolf flick’ 2 stars.

Deliver Us From Evil (DVD) – Another ‘based on true accounts’ horror flick. The movie stars Eric Bana has a hard working detective who seems to be slipping away from his family that tries so hard to protect from the world he sees daily. But the detective comes across an odd case when he and his partner take a domestic disturbance call that turns out to be a lot more when he is called to the scene of several other weird events. Best way to describe the film is Exorcist-lite with cops. Worth a look my devil horror film fans as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Fantastic Voyage (DVD/YouTube) – A crazy mid-60s sci-fi flick about a surgical team that gets miniaturized inside a scientist’s damaged brain to fix a blood clot. Reason because he has the knowledge to stay miniature longer than 60 minutes. Donald Pleasance is crazy and awesome in the flick and look for James Brolin playing a technician in the film. I give it 2 ½ stars.

The Last Dinner (Vimeo) – A short film directed by Steve Lanthripp about a man (Jonathon) who is having dinner with a lovely lady who just happens to be dead and argues of smelling bad. I enjoyed the concept as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

American Scary (DVD) – A documentary that does an amazing job of chronicling horror/movie hosts throughout the years on TV. It explains its beginnings and its history with a lot of dedicated to hosts from Ohio. A really cool movie for film geeks who are under 25 that totally don’t understand this phenomenon back in the day and why some of us older folks love it. I would have enjoyed a little more Joe Bob Briggs or Elvira but also was surprised of no mention to Rhonda Shear and USA Up All Night. But I did get Chilly Billy so I was happy for that and give the documentary 3 ½ stars.

Gingersquatch (DVD) – Not does this movie exists but it also comes with a little comic book called “Two Fisted Cthulhu Tales”! The film goes the way of the late Ray Dennis Steckler as the director’s cut is 15 minutes shorter than the original finished product. Thankfully Douglas A. Waltz had me in mind (maybe not?) when he wrote, edited, and directed this delightful off-shoot of Sasquatch. The story goes: a family of Gingers goes camping and one of the young ones get lost and is picked up Sasquatches to take care of. But that changes when the military was able to track down the child and try to research him. But since he really didn’t have anything to offer mankind the government sets him up with a house where he is lazy, eats salty snacks, drinks beer in Michigan… Kalamazoo! You only know of the location because of the old arcade game “Rampage”, oh yeah that’s just me. But anyway after someone mentions beef jerky “Gingersquatch” loses his temper, kills several ninjas, and bangs a woman who has a redheaded kid the next day! Oh the movie is bad, no doubt but I loved every minute of it and for that I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Mutantis (DVD) – The DVD cover looks like the old school 50s and 60s giant rubber monster flicks I seen as a youngster. The film revolves around a legend about a monster/bigfoot that haunts the woods after a power plant was built on top of an old burial ground according a to a drunken Indian dude at a small fruit stand. Let’s not forget the film opens with a narrator explaining toxic waste and how it could have caused this mutation or monster or Mutantis! But Father Joy hell bent on discovering this creature or whatever it is takes his family on a camping trip to Possum Valley to meet a young man and his wife to help him track this thing and become famous. One thing Father Joy and others were not counting on in this 60s theme inspired B-movie is the monster/Mutantis wanting to have sex with all humans, male or female. Oh by the way according to the film only homosexuals’ masturbate? The movie goes out of its way to give you that old school B-movie experience with the clothes, the dedicated acting, the dubbing, incest, and one awesome looking creature. I have to hand it to Kelly Fitzgerald aka Globus Walt Jr. and crew for making a movie that reminds me of watching classics like “Frogs”, “The Creeping Terror”, “Toxic Zombies” on late night TV. If the movie isn’t enough the DVD has some fun extras that include short films “Heavy Metal Weekend Part One and Two” and “Mime” which worthy of watching soon as you are done watching “Mutantis”. Outside of the excess of monster rape scenes I totally enjoyed the flick as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars and yes the monster rape is essential to the plot! You can find out more or pick up the film at www.direwitfilms.com .

Dead Days (You Tube) – Haven’t heard from independent filmmaker Chuck Skibo for a while but he is back and focused as this a first of many projects in the works for this talented dude. This short film stars independent actress talent Katie Stewart fighting for her life in this quick story of what’s worse the zombies or humans? I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars and you can watch at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzM_1NP82IQ , Mutant Strain Pictures is back and that makes me happy.

Grosshouse (YouTube) – No folks it wasn’t inspired by me or a drunken rant from Ed Quillin it’s a feature length film from Alex Powers and Doug Waugh. The movie plays out like a mish-mash of John Waters was 21 again, had no money, and decided he wanted to make a no budget film on digital video in 2002. What does that mean? The film is a little weird… possibly a little too weird for my taste. That isn’t a bad thing it just means I may not be intended audience. But when 23 year old Marty who is inspiring himself to become a big time Hollywood writer his mom/dad/you make your choice here, constantly verbally abuses him and makes Marty bury the bodies his mom calls clients. It tends to work against Marty. Marty is a dreamer and snaps when mother has had enough of Petunia after Petunia tells Marty that they are siblings and must have sex in the shower. Once Petunia is dead Marty plots his revenge against his mama. It’s odd, it’s a little disgusting to some most likely but again like I said I am not its intended audience but thank the filmmakers for allowing me to view it as I give it 1 ½ out of 4 stars. You can find out more about “Grosshouse” here: https://www.facebook.com/grosshousemovie .

Lake Placid vs. Anaconda (SyFy Channel/DVD) – The movie most likely shouldn’t have been made, but it was and I watched it so go fuck yourselves the high and mighty insert your name here horror websites that spent more time than I ever thought they would bashing an easy target of a movie but praise “Paranormal Activity 29”. Yeah its bad but that is the beauty of these endless sequels that help pay for Robert Englund’s union dues for the year, Yancy Butler’s comeback, and still do not know why Corin Nemec loves doing these projects but hey more power to you brother. Corin is approaching double digits of SyFy channel flicks for those that are counting? So guess what the crocs have escaped again from Black Lake and its electric barrier and looking for their next meal until some dumb ass again was experimenting with another anaconda. Like I said it’s horrible but it gives me an excuse to sit in on a Saturday night, drink a six pack and have a pizza! I give it 1 star.

Bad Biology (Blu-ray/DVD combo) – There is David Lynch, David Croenberg, and even John Waters and these filmmakers can be bizarre but the man/filmmaker who in my mind has a stranglehold on this title is Frank Henenlotter. The mere mention of “Basket Case” makes the hardcore horror movie fans smile. If “Frankenhooker” is spoken even by accident you can always hear in the distance from someone “Wanna Date?” So when I finally sat down to watch this oddity from the mastermind of bizarre I already knew what I was getting myself into and all I can say is the only things that could have made this film better is an appearance from ‘Elmer’ or Duane Bradley. The film is about a photographer named Jennifer and she has sexual issues or a bad vagina that she was born with. Bottom line she has trouble falling in love until she meets a man named Batz whose house is used for a photo shoot of Jennifer’s and by mistake learns his sexual secret of having a monstrous penis that has a mind of its own. Sexual organs made for each other in a love story that could only come from the mind of Frank Henenlotter. It’s bizarre but beautiful and fucking hilarious as Mr. Henenlotter proves he still owns the title and thank god for that. Because we also get the talents of Gabe Bartalos and Al Magliochetti that produce the amazing bizarre effects for the flick! I give this truly bizarre beauty 4 stars.

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

And do not forget to order your copy of Gross Movie Reviews: The Wrath of Gross at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-the-wrath-of-gross/paperback/product-21975934.html

Gross Movie Reviews #346

Posted on April 10, 2015 by grossmoviereviews

Gross Movie Reviews #346

By Tim Gross

Long Weekend (Blu-ray) – A lesser known Australian film about things for a couple that go bad, like “Day of the Animals” of bad. I tracked the film down after a guest on our podcast “Bloodbaths and Boomsticks” wanted to cover and talk about it. So if you are asking yourself why I am reviewing this again it’s because Synapse Films has released a restored Blu-ray version of the flick. This couple who apparently are a half step from divorce have ventured out to a beach near some woods for a camping getaway to maybe try and patch things up? As fixing the relationship goes downhill quickly strange occurrences and odd behavior from the animals cause tensions between the couple to worsen. The film has radio reports and a TV report that might lend a little bit of a clue on what might be the problem but the film never directly points out this is the reason for the ‘weirdness of the animals’ or strange occurrences. The 1978 film can drag a little at certain points but has a great ending that makes up for it. Besides it’s from Australia, all their films should be given at least one if not two chances. The Blu-ray looks exceptional as usual from Synapse Films. The Blu-ray also has an audio interview with star John Hargreaves and a commentary from the producer and the cinematographer on the film. Wasn’t able to access the commentary for some reason as I am sure it’s a glitch but that doesn’t matter as this movie is enhanced with the restored version on Blu-ray as it relies on imaginary to tell a lot of the story. Give the film 2 out of 4 stars but overall package 3 out of 4 stars and is available at www.synapse-films.com . (Checked out a few other critics reviews of the Blu-ray screener package and no one had the same problem as I did so like I said “a glitch.”)

Edge of the Axe (DVD) – A somewhat bearable Spanish slasher film (but actually filmed mostly in California) about a person in a white mask hacking people all over town. There is no real good reason why they are but you will question why you are watching a movie about a computer guy trying to get with an underage girl most of the flick while pieces of people are being found nightly. I give it 1 ½ stars.

Junior (VHS/DVD-R) – I believe it is available on DVD but someone gave me their copy just for the mere reason they did not want it existing in their house! And for that reason I had to watch the 1985 unknown classic to most horror fans about two women who have been released from prison and decided they want to start a new life. A new life that means the two girls got to breathe new life into an old marina in a small southern town on a river. But a weird guy named “Junior” refuses to leave the girls alone. Very corny and hilarious especially the scenes of Junior talking to his mother on the front porch of their home makes the film at least watchable or at least for this horror movie fan as I give it 2 stars.

Bad Kids Go to Hell (DVD) – With a title like this I had to find a reason to watch it eventually and I did… Pittsburgh Penguins were pissing me off so I put this title on to see what Judd Nelson and Ben “Farscape” Browder had to do with it. It all comes down to a curse an Indian put on some rich people or rich kids and their school after dying or was it all a set up? You decide, all I know there is a weird scene of a nerdy redhead doing a strip tease in the middle of class. Horror movie… check! Nerdy redhead… checks twice. The movie isn’t your most interesting horror film to come down the pike but keeps it worth watching just to see where Judd Nelson’s character fits in? I give it 2 stars.

Invasion of the Pod People (DVD) – Apparently Asylum Entertainment tried to do an erotic remake of “Invasion of the Body Snatchers”. Leave the porn alone and stick with the Sharknados, Gatoroid, Giant Octopuses, Corin Nemac, and chubby tatted up Tiffany or at least for me as I find that stuff much more entertaining than your poor attempt of a Misty Mundae resurrection. I give it crap because it was crap so let’s move on.

The Final Executioner (DVD) – The apocalypse has happened and rich people have hunters or executioners hunt down people or targets they consider expendable material. Its Eye-talian, it’s dubbed in English and all it was missing was Fred Williamson! So grab your six packs and enjoy this beautiful post-apocalyptic crap for what it is as a man seeks revenge against the executioner he escaped several days before. I give the film 2 ½ stars just for the cheese oozing off this flick.

Clown (DVD) – Released in the UK first and not entirely sure why but I finally got to see this Eli Roth presents project. The film starts off innocently enough where a man tries to come up with a solution for his son’s birthday party when the clown is double booked. The man finds an old clown costume in the house he is trying to fix up and sell and uses it to save the day at the party. Little does he know life would change as he wakes the next morning with the clown costume still on and cannot remove it? There isn’t a zipper. He even goes as far as trying to cut it off with an electric saw! He fails. Soon his wife is concern as she doesn’t believe him; he is getting crap from the father-in-law, and goes back to the house to search for clues on what this costume actually is. He calls this number for old costumes and meets a man who begins to tell him a story of the costume being made of demon hair and skin. And then he is almost beheaded. But also begins to fill a hunger, a hunger that can only be met by eating five young children. It gets radically disgusting and uncomfortable which makes the film awesome. Now, I am not going bat shit nuts for the film like some movie critics but I have to say it is nice to see something old become new again in horror. So move over Pennywise as I give this flick 3 stars and won’t be surprised there is a sequel in the works not too far in the future.

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

And do not forget to order your copy of Gross Movie Reviews: The Wrath of Gross at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-the-wrath-of-gross/paperback/product-21975934.html

Gross Movie Reviews #345

Posted on April 3, 2015 by grossmoviereviews

Gross Movie Reviews #345

By Tim Gross

Gingerclown (DVD) – A film made in Budapest but takes place in Hollywood, California 1983 where a group of local high school teenagers are hanging out behind the famous Hollywood sign and they call themselves “the Wolfpack”. Of course the lonely nerd named Sam or Tully as the “Wolfpack” calls him rides by on his bike and they make him an offer to be a part of their gang “The Wolfpack”. Sam takes them up on the offer for the mere reason he likes the cute blonde Jenny. They go to an old abandoned amusement park and is told he has two hours to enter the park and come back with something to prove his effort. The strange old place has a history of mysterious deaths and fires and hasn’t been open since the 60s. Once Sam enters, Jenny follows and the two are faced with odd evil things from an evil tea kettle to an evil pile of crap, something that makes you think this flick was lost from the Charles Band’s Full Moon collection over the years. What it comes down to is the park is full of expelled demons from hell that prey upon humans that enter. It has the cast of famous genre favorites in: Lance Henriksen, Tim Curry, Brad Dourif, and Michael freakin Winslow but they are all voice overs for the characters in the park. A fun concept for a horror flick but just never reaches its potential and for that I give it 2 stars.

The Scribbler (DVD) – Our film begins with a woman named Suki being interviewed or interrogated by a doctor and a detective to figure out what just happened at this woman’s mentally unstable halfway house/apartments I guess. The film is based on a comic book I never heard of but sure T-shirt Joe Garcia from www.fastcustomshirts.com would know? The film is a little ridiculous, weird, dark, and very interesting. But you need to stick with this oddity as it takes about twenty minutes to get going as it lays out some plot for you to dig into and understand the subject matter better. But Suki tells a story of how crazy people in this building are being killed and the doctor and detective know that Suki suffers from multiple personalities herself. But without trying too much more of giving the film away Suki is given an electrical device from her that is supposed to help her get rid of her multiple personalities one by one. From there it becomes a lost project from the mind of David Croenberg if possible? It stars the likes of Gina Gershon, Eliza Dushku, Billy Campbell, and Michelle Trachtenberg and no doubt will be on end of the year list for best movies of 2015 as I give it 4 stars.

Apocalypse Pompeii (DVD) – Asylum Entertainment once again proves nothing is off limits and tries to capitalize on the big budget piece of crap called “Pompeii” that littered theaters last year. Adrian Paul’s wife and daughter go visit the ruins and the volcano erupts and only Adrian Paul and the brilliant John Rhys-Davies can save them. Its unwatchable crap but I still watched it as I give it 0 stars.

Razor Days (DVD) – A long awaited project that has been years in the making from Mike Watt and Happy Cloud Pictures is making its way out on the festival circuit. The film stars Debbie Rochon as Jessamay, a disfigured woman who has survived a horrible attack of rape, torture, and cannibalism. She approaches Anita (Amy Lynn Best) who helps women defend themselves and takes interest in Jess when Jess tells her story. But Jessamay believes if she escaped then there has to be other survivors? Survivors that need to be found as they got to feel the same way she does and that is to find these horrible things or men and wipe the earth clean of them. With Anita’s help they find a woman named Reina across the state and together they become fast friends and soon share the wanting of closure and no longer of being haunted by their horrible past. This new project from Happy Cloud Pictures is much different project you are used to seeing as they go dark, very dark and miserable. The flick feels a little like “Ms. 45”, “I Spit on Your Grave”, and “They Call Her One Eye” but walks that fine line of not going too far extreme and have Debbie Rochon possibly give her best performance since “American Nightmare”. The film also has appearances from Michael Varrati, Alan Rowe Kelly, and a few other Happy Cloud Pictures regulars. As much as I really enjoyed the deep darkness and grit of this film for me at least it felt like something else was going to happen but didn’t? But do not let that stop you from checking out Mike Watt’s darkest film to date as I give it 3 out of 4 stars. For more info on the film go check out: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Razor-Days/125372234198963?fref=ts .

Starry Eyes (DVD) – A young woman named Sara who is a struggling actress believes she is meant to be a big star and will eventually do anything to get there. After another rejection for the film “The Silver Scream” she takes out on herself but the people see this and believe she could be right for the part if she is willing… At first Sara turns it down but soon runs back even if it means sucking an old dude’s wiener! Even with that she must complete the transformation. Predictable flick but has some great gore but not enough for me to want to revisit the film anytime soon as I give the film 2 stars.

The Pyramid (DVD) – It is 2013, Cairo, Egypt, and archeologists may have stumbled upon the biggest discovery ever as they find a pyramid under the surface of the desert. Something that may predate any of the ancient pyramids. Excited to investigate it all the plug has been pulled on them as war has broke out inside Cairo. Forced to pack up the archeologists and the camera crew that is following them quickly make their way into the tomb/pyramid to investigate soon understanding they are in a maze that was constructed to keep something in? I am always a sucker for this subject matter as a horror movie but sometimes it fails and this is one of those times. It’s not horrible but with a film like “The Descent” still fresh in many horror movie fan’s minds you cannot help but comparing the two. Interesting horror film that just taken the wrong turn of how it could have developed into something far cooler as I give it 2 stars.

Pain Shack (DVD/YouTube) – Now mind you fine folks the film I watched is a rough cut that has since has a couple new scenes added and deleted in the official DVD that will be available. Anyway the film is made by the duo of Marissa and Alex Murphy. No, that isn’t Robocop Alex Murphy before you ask. But the film takes you on a long spiraling dark ride with the character Alex who believes his dream is to review music. To do this he studies YouTube and its users to come up with his own gimmick the “Noodledroop show”. In the process Alex becomes obsessed with a movie reviewer Ricky Shores and becomes abusive in his relationship with Marissa so he can achieve his ultimate goal of becoming a YouTube sensation as his followers grow or do they in this dark horror/comedy. The film runs a little long for its subject material in my opinion but I really enjoyed all the performances by all in the film and really enjoyed how Alex and Marissa filmed their characters because I believe I know some of these people currently or of at least met them on occasions at several conventions and for that kids I give the flick 2 ½ out of 4 stars. For more info on where you can purchase a copy of this film or see where its playing at next check out www.facebook.com/rickyshoresingstheblues .

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

And do not forget to order your copy of Gross Movie Reviews: The Wrath of Gross at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-the-wrath-of-gross/paperback/product-21975934.html

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Gross Movie Reviews #345

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