Gross Movie Reviews #331

Posted on October 13, 2014 by grossmoviereviews

Gross Movie Reviews #331

By Tim Gross

Porkchop (DVD) – Independent filmmaker Eamon Hardiman takes you on a trip to Camp Wood where the legend of a man wearing a pig’s head stalks the woods and kills all who try to have sex, drink, or just stay the night. Hardiman tries to give his vision of a throwback slasher on no budget and just having fun with the idea. Hardiman gives the viewer a lot of laughs, boobs, and blood along the way. But we also get two store clerks who are the highlight of the film besides Porkchop, people talking about $10 abortions, and death by lawn darts which is always cool in my book. If you like your independent throwback horror films: sleazy, corny, and blood-filled then you are in for a treat with this feature as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars. For more info or to purchase the films check out: www.razorsharpstudioswv.com .

Porkchop II: Rise of the Rind (DVD) – Hardiman and company are back with their follow-up as Porkchop has failed to fill his quota on stupid naked people in the woods and with saying that the film opens with “Death by Vagina!” But the main plot of the film is about a new boy who has just moved to the small town near by the legendary Camp Wood and his name is Simon and he has just met a cute, flighty girl that makes him break out into a musical to explain his circumstance. With Simon wanting to fit in and Meg wanting to help out her new boy crush, she throws a party at Simon’s home when his parents go looking for the movers that never came. Then comes a death by bong, lots of nipples rubbing, Porkchop obliterating teenagers, a cool death by tiki torch, and a twist to the story that deals with the cute, flighty Meg character. Once again lots of fun here to enjoy as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars and more info or want to own the film you can go to: www.razorsharpstudioswv.com .

Porkchop 3D (DVD) – Or if you are lame like me you just get the 2D version because I don’t have much faith in the 3D technology. It’s very hit or miss these days. As Hardiman continues his series about the brutal killer Porkchop we last seen Porkchop and Meg hand and hand as they are father and daughter. Strangely enough the film opens up with Meg being killed but apparently Porkchop’s years of raping young women has paid off as he has another young daughter to line up potential victims? But this time supposed survivors of the past have return to Camp Wood to lure Porkchop out with a lame plan. But Porkchop’s other daughter does most of the tracking and brutal killing in this sequel as she is trying to help her father against the survivors. Hardiman figures the formula worked for all those other slashers so why not for Porkchop? I give the independent flick 2 out of 4 stars as I just felt like that spark you feel watching the first two films wasn’t there. For more info or to purchase the films check out: www.razorsharpstudioswv.com .

Pig Girl (DVD) – With Porkchop dead, Hardiman uses Porkchop’s daughter “Pig Girl” to continue the killing spree! But with Porkchop now dead teenagers and stupid people alike feel it’s cool to go back to Camp Wood. Example: a college dropout and his step-father take a trip to the legendary area where all the murders happened. Soon murders begin to happen again. The film seems more relying on story this time to build up the Pig Girl character since her father Porkchop was killed in the last film. Possibly to give horror fans another woman of horror to cheer for? The film has a more dramatic feel to it but no matter what Eamon Hardiman is proving he has the passion to make independent horror films on almost no budget so go support as I give it 2 out of 4 stars. For more info: www.razorsharpstudioswv.com .

Ghost of Mars (DVD) – Ice Cube stars as Desolation Williams a lifetime criminal on the planet Mars who has been finally caught and looks like the charges against him are going to stick. Problem is he has six murders being pinned on him he had nothing to do with and strange things are happening to the mining colonies on Mars. A special police force comes in by train into an empty mining colony to pick up Williams only to figure out they are in for a shitload of strange shit as a Marilyn Manson look-a-like leads an army of cannibalistic humans that are possessed by Martians! Not one of Carpenter’s best films but definitely worth a rewatch as I believe it got a bad rep first time around. The film also stars Pam Grier, Robert Carradine, and a unknown Jason Statham! I give the flick 2 ½ stars.

Dark Haul (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Tom Sizemore stars in a very confusing movie about the Jersey Devil, its origins, and its sister which shares powers with it. Over 300 years ago a prophecy foretold of the demon and since then it has been kept captive by people within the government trying to make sure the end of the world doesn’t happen if the Jersey Devil gets loose? Sounds cool but ends up being a big waste of time at the end of the day as I give the film 1 star.

The Possession of Michael King (DVD) – The possession movies seem to be pooped almost on a weekly basis that you can’t tell one from the other. But that is where this one differs as the movie is about a man named Michael King who believes there is no such thing as ghosts, afterlife, demons, etc. King decides he will make a documentary with cameras on him 24/7 trying to get answers or the truth on the subject of possession, demons, and ghosts as he was heartbroken by his wife’s death six months earlier. Along the way Michael King does find a demon and it takes ahold of him causing him to have evil urges towards his sister and daughter. He fights it as much as he can but Michael slowly goes insane trying to figure out how or if he can get rid of the demon that is now inside of him. It’s a great creepy roller coaster ride that has a few jump scares for the horror fan’s delight as I give the flick 3 stars.

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

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Gross Movie Reviews #330

Posted on September 30, 2014 by grossmoviereviews

Gross Movie Reviews #330

By Tim Gross

The Purge (DVD) – Ethan Hawke stars in a film where he plays a character that is well off money wise and has sold security systems to all in the gated community. But there is more to this story as the government as declared one day a year you are able to commit any crime you would like for 12 hours. It is to help people to purge any impure thoughts of committing a crime and it has help lower crime rates throughout the US. Problem is if you are poor you are screwed! Well people have come knocking on the Ethan’s door because his kid let in a potential victim and now must face the consequences. The movie is a fun concept and has cool moments but I do not understand the fan fever behind this flick? Maybe I am just old…? I give the film 2 ½ stars.

The Purge: Anarchy (On Demand) – Its one year later… and the “Purge” is about to begin. This time around the story revolves around a struggling mother and daughter whose building has been targeted by people in all black and they are helped by a stranger who wanted to take part in The Purge but used better judgement for now. While on the run the story unfolds more and explains The Purge may be a way for the government to rid of citizens they feel is useless in the new society. I enjoyed this film more than the first because I could see this happening? I could see the government or let’s say rich folks come up with a way to rid their society of lower beings in their eyes. This movie suits what is going on right now with Wall Street and Occupy movement, now that being said, I am a person who loves sequels but feels to continue this series will be a mistake? Unless they go ass deep into the government angle! That’s right I don’t trust anybody, except beer… and horror movies, and more beer. I give the film 3 stars.

Godzilla (On Demand/remake) – Another remake of the giant lizard that was brought on by radiation is too damn long. I love the mutation or evolution of mean looking Godzilla but the need to retell the legend of it or how the monster came to be and origins of what may be attacking earth now is getting old. A Godzilla movie should not be over two hours long. But anyway in 1999 some strange shit goes down in the Philippines, 15 years later the same shit is happening again but even worse and a government within a government has been keeping it quiet. While some man who knows the truth and everyone thinks is crazy is exactly right but little does he know the government knows Godzilla exists and they tried to kill him in 1954 with a bunch of nations but failed. Now only Godzilla is earth’s hope to fight some kind of alien creatures that have laid dormant for millions of years. This film is good but is far from one of my favorites as I am a big fan of all the early 90s remakes and will always be a fan of the original Godzilla films! But with that said I give the flick 2 ½ stars and remember it’s too fucking long!

The Device (Vimeo) – Jeremy Berg and John Portanova who are a part of the independent film company “The October People” are back at it with this new release that deals with possible alien abduction and strange events that are in the same vein as “The X-Files”. Abby and Rebecca are sisters who have been a part for many years have gotten back together at an old cabin again to spread their mother’s ashes. While walking through the woods discussing the past they come across a strange black sphere and something that could be a wrecked plane? They bring back the strange black sphere and that’s when things get weird… Dreams of creepy aliens, pregnancy, death, and etc., leads up to an amazing ending for this independent sci-fi thriller that I must say is one of the best independent films of 2014. Bravo Mr. Berg and Mr. Portanova as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. The film is available through amazon.com and for details on upcoming projects please check out http://www.theoctoberpeople.net .

Reviled (Web Series) – Independent filmmaker Jim Stramel has decided to tackle the very bloated zombie genre and try to give zombie fans something different and interesting to watch. The first episode is about a man named Frank who has something different for the underground zombie pit-fighting world… His undead daughter! Its dramatic but at the same time keeps that gritty horror flick feel as world hasn’t been overrun with zombies it was a mere blip on the radar of life as nations have moved on with regular life. But most Americans are always looking that something different, that edge, that excitement, and in this web series its zombie-pit fighting. Stramel shows off his talents with not only a well-scripted and well-shot episode but the look and feel in opinion should have zombie fans clamoring for more! I give the new series 3 out of 4 stars and wish Jim Stramel good luck with the ongoing project. You can purchase and find out more information about the project at www.reviledzombieseries.com .

Corvette Summer (VHS/YouTube) – A great car flick about a young Mark Hamill who spends his summer searching for this amazing car, a corvette, that his shop class rebuilt after it is stolen. A great flick to take a ride down late 70s memory lane and has a great supporting cast in a naked Annie Potts, Dick Miller, Brion James, and T.K. Carter. I give the film 2 ½ stars.

Link (VHS) – General Zod aka Terrance Stamp is a scientist and enjoys monkeys as he lives them and uses them for experiments. Problem is after a student Elisabeth Shue asks and gets a job at his place the monkeys go ape shit in this very boring movie about a monkey keeping Shue’s character trapped at the house. I give the film 1 star.

Haunted House on Sorority Row (DVD) – The film is produced and directed by the talented Henrique Couto who gives us a tale of college girls who want to start their own sorority without hazing and other random bullshit. They find an old house on the cheap and know it’s haunted but really don’t believe in that shit until one by one their past comes to haunt them till death… I enjoy a lot of Couto’s projects but this paranormal Indy film just didn’t seem to flick my bic! The film looks wonderful, cool effects, great cast but I can be very picky when it comes to paranormal horror flicks. Knowing Henrique I know that won’t stop him from making several other projects that I will purchase and enjoy. I give the flick 2 out of 4 stars and it is available on amazon.com.

The Dark Power (VHS) – Oh the random crappy horror films I will watch folks? This 1985 low budget classic has a sheriff who carries a whip facing off against evil Indian spirits that have come back from the dead to kill! It’s horrible, it’s hilarious, and its racist so prepare yourself if you find yourself in possession of a copy? I give it 1 ½ stars.

Savage Streets (DVD-R) – The crazy rape/revenge classic from Danny Steinmann in 1983 that stars Linda Blair, Linnea Quigley, and John Vernon. Linda Blair is tough girl who has a group of girlfriends that are close and do everything together and they all look out for her sister Linnea who happens to be a deaf mute. After screwing over a dope dealing gang the night before by taking their car, the gang comes back for revenge by raping Linnea and beat the shit out of her. If that wasn’t enough the same gang throws her pregnant best friend off of a bridge killing her. That’s when Linda Blair heads to the Bear Trap store and gets all Blackjack Mulligan on the men who caused her pain that features the classic line from Principal John Vernon, “Go fuck an iceberg!” You would think the film would be easy to get but it has been released several times on DVD only to disappear several times to show up on eBay for a retarded amount of money. Usually I am all about paying the 10 or 15 bucks for a film but when most of the time it doesn’t get cheaper than $25 unless it’s a used copy and there is rumors about the company that does this shit on purpose I say “GO FUCK AN ICEBERG!” it is available on YouTube on a regular basis. I give the classic 3 stars.

Hardcore (VHS) – A 1979 sleaze fest that stars George C. Scott as a father whose daughter goes missing in California during a religious retreat from Grand Rapids, Michigan. Scott’s character hires a P.I. in Peter Boyle to find answers on where his daughter is? Soon Boyle’s character finds an 8mm short that has his daughter doing an explicit sex scene sending him in a fit of rage with more questions than answers. After firing the PI, George C. Scott takes an extended vacation that lowers him into the seedy world of porn and porno making. He poses as a producer and sets up casting calls in order to find answers to find his daughter. The movie does a great job of making you feel you a part of the seedy porn world of 1979 that is much more accepted these days. If you looking for something non-horror but want a film with a little edge leave it to an unknown George C. Scott film to me to entertain you as you will not be disappointed in this sleazy vehicle. I give the film 3 stars.

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .

Gross Movie Reviews #328

Posted on August 27, 2014 by grossmoviereviews

Gross Movie Reviews #328

By Tim Gross

Night Shift (DVD) – Henry Winkler and Michael Keaton work at the city morgue in this comedy classic about two guys that become pimps. Keaton is the idea man and Winkler is the money guy who even gets the hookers healthcare, 401K, and not beat up until two guys who were cutting in on the action on the last pimp they killed finds out about the city morgue. Great stuff as I give 3 stars.

The Salton Sea (DVD) – Val Kilmer stars in this film about two different characters but they are both the same person. Kilmer sees his wife die in a horrible hotel drug bust gone bad while using the bathroom. He becomes another person for over a year and becomes addicted to drugs to find the people who killed her. The film is very weird, odd, interesting, and Vincent D’Onofrio a big time drug dealer who got his nose removed because he did too much “gunk”! Kilmer is brilliant and this is the type of film for you if you are looking for something “off the wall”? I give the film 2 ½ stars.

The Conjuring (DVD) – James Wan must have been a little tired of the “Paranormal Activity” flicks and reached in his bag of tricks to pull out this 70sish haunted house/ghost flick. Violent, creepy, and based on a true story of a paranormal team named the “Warrens” who apparently were recognized by the Catholic Church and try to help people in the 60s and 70s with their paranormal issues. This story just happen to be the one they did not like talking about for many years as it also haunted them deeply because of the evil they faced. The Warrens come across a family who have become afflicted or cursed by a woman/witch who hung herself declared her soul to Satan many years ago and fucked up shit has happened to people who have lived at the house or near it on a regular basis. So if you are old like me and enjoyed the original “Amityville Horror”? This is right up your alley folks as I give it 3 stars.

Zodiac: Signs of the Apocalypse (DVD/SyFy Channel) – Aaron Douglas and many other no names star in this end of the world SyFy Channel flick that is based on the astrological signs and how they coincide with a planet that orbits the sun differently than the other planets we know about. If that doesn’t grab ya, Christopher Lloyd appears in the flick long enough to make you feel you haven’t totally wasted your time watching it. I give the film 1 ½ stars. If bored and a little psychotic like yours truly look for the scene with about 15 minutes left in the film when someone fucked up editing and a Ford Flex racing from a helicopter changes into a Chevy Tahoe and then back to the Ford Flex.

The Expendables 3 (Theater) – How to put this simply but this third film showed that “The Expendables” franchise does have a shelf life and its right at its sell by date. Love the first two films and cannot bad mouth Stallone for trying to give fans something different. But this film centers more on The Expendables team trying to get younger instead of more on the older action stars we all know and love. Mel Gibson plays a great asshole villain and once the film gets past trying to establish the younger people into the film all hell breaks loose for the last 30 minutes to give you one big action orgasm! Will there be a fourth, I doubt it but that doesn’t mean you should write this sequel off as I give it 3 stars and thank you Antonio Banderas for being awesome…

Cabin Fever 3: Patient Zero (On Demand) – This flick centers around the fat hobbit (Sean Astin) being immune to the flesh eating disease that has scientists baffled and have shut themselves up in a building basement on an island after fat hobbit tries to infect them. This is the type of film that makes me and other horror fans question: Why is there another sequel? How is this a “Cabin Fever” movie? And so on and so on. The movie blows donkey ass but what saves the film is there is just some wicked ass gore effects that need to be seen and seen often! I give the film 1 star but the gore effects 3 ½ stars.

Chiller (VHS) – Here’s a TV movie directed by Wes Craven in the early 80s that starred Michael Beck and Jill Schoelen in a flick that will make you think twice about cryogenics. Being frozen for later use was the entire craze in the late 70s and through the 80s and this film poses as a warning if your cryo-tube begins to malfunction, they thaw you out and apparently you no longer have a soul? The dated film is still fun to watch as I give it 2 stars.

Zombie Undead (DVD) – A higher end independent zombie film from the UK about someone explodes a dirty bomb in the heart of the city and people become zombies and trapping several people in a nearby hospital (where 85% of the film takes place). The several people of course must stay together to survive or they become munchies for the UK deadheads that roam the halls of the hospital! I give it 1 ½ stars.

Zombie Massacre: Army of the Dead (DVD) – A higher end independent film from Maryland starring Jim Krut as one fucked up privately funded government dude who wants to perform an experiment on a whole town to see if they are able to make the perfect soldier and control it. Problem the town and anyone outside the town knows nothing about it as a couple of college kids stuck in a movie theater may throw off the whole experiment? It has running zombies, slow zombies, and bloodless zombies, next time do some rewrites as it appears you have the budget and the resources to pull off a better product as I give it 1 ½ stars. Wanna see more about the film or other projects the filmmaker behind “Zombie Massacre” has done or will do go check out www.chemicalburn.org . And if you already guessed it: “yes, I bought the film for the mere reason it had massacre in the title.”

Thriller: A Cruel Picture (DVD) – The 1973 film is also widely known as “They Call Her One Eye” and has been inspiration for many filmmakers the past decade but can’t be duplicated. A woman who is raped as a young girl is now grown but is mute and goes into town quite often for doctor’s appointments. Innocent and naïve she gets in a car when she misses a bus into town and wakes up beaten up and hooked on heroin and told she will now be a hooker! Not happy with this she takes it out on her first customer and in return she loses an eye and apparently it costs more money to bang a one eyed hooker. Soon she saves her money learns how to race a car, shoot guns, and fight. And that is when this movie just gets downright brutal as she begins gut shooting customers left and right in slow motion with a double barrel shotgun. The movie is absolutely amazing, fucked up, brutal, and not for all movie lovers at the same time. I can see now why this film has such rabid fan base especially when your female lead doesn’t say a damn word through the whole film! I give it 4 stars.

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .

Gross Movie Reviews #327

Posted on August 17, 2014 by grossmoviereviews

Gross Movie Reviews #327

By Tim Gross

Sharktopus vs. Pteracuda (DVD/SyFy Channel) – Robert Carradine finds a way to make a mutant barracuda into a military weapon and Sharktopus just happens to thaw out from a glacier for a fight to the death between these titans. Movie has a few unintentional laughs and Robert Carradine plays a complete dick throughout the film which makes it watchable as I give 2 stars.

Tales From the Crypt (DVD/You Tube) – Over 40 years later this anthology still lays the ground work for makes a great anthology. The film is based on the dark EC Comics that later became a HBO series and inspired “Creepshow” before it stars the likes of Peter Cushing, Joan Collins, and Ralph Richardson. Some people decide to take a tour of some catacombs and five of them get lost and come upon a man who asks them to sit as he tells those stories of their recent lives. Afterward the five would like out of the mysterious cave but soon understand this is just a gateway to hell for what they have done in their past. It’s creepy and beautiful at the same time and definitely a flick to show horror newbies as its rated PG! I give the classic flick 4 stars.

The Woman in Black (DVD) – So it took me a while but I finally sat down to watch Harry Potter in this creepy ghost story from the new Hammer Productions. Harry Potter is widower who just happens to get a job that sends him to a small town that has a legend of ghosts, witches, and where little kids disappear to wrap up an estate. Things are completely weird soon as he sets foot there as the locals don’t want him going to the home and digging up the past. Wonderful story building with some creepy ghosts make this an excellent choice of horror if you are looking for less gory? I give the flick 3 stars.

Devil’s Playground (DVD) – A UK zombie flick made a couple years ago where a product makes it past animal trials to human trials and is given to 30000 people. Within two months 29999 become deathly ill, bleed from the eyes, go crazy, then death. But one girl that had the test drug is not phased and a mercenary is hired to find her before this epidemic breaks out as now the test subjects that have died are now becoming acrobatic zombies that jump, somersault, and fly everywhere as they attack their victims. If you can get past some zombies die from a single shot and others die after having full clips shot into their heads you’ll enjoy this flick. This zombie film seems to be more of a bloodier version of “Resident Evil” in some ways as I give it 2 stars.

Universal Soldier: The Return (DVD) – Jean-Claude Damme is back with no Dolph Lundgren in this 1998 sequel has Luc Devereux as advisor to the Universal Soldier program. But when the super high tech computer helping Luc and others to control the Universal Soldier program and gets wind of the program being shut down the super computer wants to evolve and takeover humanity. The film also stars Michael Jai White and Bill Goldberg in what sounded good on paper but when it was put to film it just happen to be one of the death nails in Jean-Claude’s Hollywood career for next few years. I give the film 1 ½ stars.

The Golden Child (DVD) – A comedy starring Eddie Murphy in his prime as a man who finds missing children. The rest of the cast is rounded out with other cool veteran actors in Charles Dance, Randell “Tex” Cobb, Victor Wong, James Hong, and even wrestler Tiger Chung Lee! Murphy’s character is approached by a young woman who explains that a special child, ‘the golden child’ has been kidnapped from Tibet and brought to the U.S. and needs to be found before he is sacrificed to a higher power. Eddie isn’t sure about the child and thinks its bullshit until he has some odd dreams, talks to a demon (Charles Dance), and some strange Asian dudes in the words of Eddie Murphy try to kill him any chance they get. So Murphy’s character travels to Tibet to get a special knife to trade for the child from his brother Numpsy! I pretty much laughed my balls off watching this flick as it has a lot of great one-liners like “Commando”. I give the flick 3 stars.

Riddick (DVD) – Picking up from the lackluster sequel “The Chronicles of Riddick” and surprising me that there would ever be another movie with such an interesting character as Riddick. Riddick is trapped on a planet trying to survive but wants off cause he believes it’s time to go back home. Instead of trying to expand the Riddick universe as they did in the second film they go back to focusing on Riddick and having fun with the character in this sci-fi adventure. Riddick finds a camp with no one at so he hits the distress call and soon many mercenaries show up. Problem is they are too busy fighting over each other as who is going to capture Riddick rather than worrying about why Riddick got them to come there in the first place. Soon a storm is coming and just like “Pitch Black” that is when the film is a lot of fun. Good flick but believe the film before kinda killed any cool stuff this series could have been? But I do hope somewhere along the line Vin Diesel does another one as it can be fun sci-fi horror for all, I give the flick 2 ½ stars.

Red 2 (DVD) – Bruce Willis and pals are in trouble again as someone has leaked some information about secret project in Russia in 1979 involving John Moses. The only person that actually knows about what exactly that took place is a man that just so happens to be dead or thought he was dead and now found imprisoned for the past 30 years with only his thoughts of how he is going to get revenge. But the real reason comes to light after he is loose and gets away from Moses is he came up with a bomb that has red mercury which is untraceable. The sequel has its moments but nowhere near as much fun as the first flick as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Stand By Me (DVD/Theater) – Going to see this movie again based on a Stephen King story I forgot how funny and how good this movie is about friends on a journey to see a dead kid. It begins with them wanting to see the dead kid Ray so they become famous in 1959 but once getting there and sharing all the events they had happen to them the kids decided no one should try to get famous off of someone dying the way he did. Four friends who are at the edge of becoming teenagers and about to go into junior high all have great backstories that sucks into their world. They find out from a couple older kids who boosted a car that they know where the missing kid is and they were unsure if they should tell their friends about it. And that is where the four kids’ journey begins… It’s one of those perfect movies you tend to forget all who starred in which nowadays would have had a budget of 250 million because of all the names but also you forget how funny but interesting all the characters in the film are? With that I give it 4 stars and start chanting “Lard ass, Lard ass, Lard ass!” until he starts puking pie all over the place.

Dead Before Dawn (DVD) – A hilarious zombie film starring Christopher Lloyd who needs his grandson to watch his store “The Occult Barn” so he go receive his lifetime achievement award. Problem is his grandson saw his father die in the store 15 years ago and has been scared shitless of everything since. On a whim he the grandson decides to help out Lloyd’s character and watch the store but everything goes to hell when friends come by and he drops a skull shaped urn that unleashes an evil that turns all the people they look at into zimens! Half zombie, half demon and the people commit suicide first before they change. And if you French kiss a zimen it becomes your slave. Oh one more thing if you do not fix the urn before dawn it will be hell on earth forever. What seems corny and possibly horrible at first glance is actually really good and worth giving a chance as it breathes a little more life into a very saturated zombie genre! I give it 3 ½ stars. And Christopher Lloyd is still one of my favorite actors.

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .

Gross Movie Reviews#325

Posted on July 20, 2014 by grossmoviereviews

Gross Movie Reviews #325

By Tim Gross

In the Name of the King 3: The Last Mission (DVD/SyFy Channel) – Uwe Boll uses his endless supply of money to make another sequel to a film that no one cared about in the first place. But hey, don’t let the little things like that stop you as Dominic Purcell star in this new fantasy adventure. Purcell’s character is a hitman who is sucked into a different time/dimension of fantasy when he takes an amulet from a girl he kidnapped that just happens to match the tattoo on his wrist. Dragons, a prophet, hot warrior women, and Purcell’s character learns a life lesson before he is sent back to the future. I give it 1 ½ stars. Mr. Boll I personally would like more monster movies or horror movies since you have this endless supply of funds?

You’re Next (DVD) – A film that starts off innocent but soon becomes a film in the same vein as a “Funny Games”, “Strangers”, etc., you get the picture. A family who is not super rich but let’s says well off is getting together for their parents’ anniversary. The kids/adults are all older but still have sibling rivalry. But during dinner they get attack by a person or persons with arrows being shot through the windows. The movie then evolves into the family trying to survive an onslaught from unseen murder/ murderers or are they in this bloody fun film. Barbara Crampton stars which is always a plus and the only flaw of the film is you see the ending coming about ten minutes in but has its gory moments that make you happy you checked the flick out. I give it 3 stars.

WNUF Halloween Special (DVD) – A found footage film released by Camp Motion Pictures recently that tries to do something different with the same old concept of found footage. The film is a fake Halloween special with a séance about to happen in a haunted house in small town America. The found footage is a news broadcast that leads into the special that is on a public access channel and made to look grainy and crappy like a VHS tape would look like today if played when it recorded this special in the late 80s. The flick gets annoying quickly but what saves and makes this watchable is the commercials as they are all fake commercials that were made to fit the time frame when the special would have taken place? And for me that was a treat because I grew up watching a lot of bad cable TV and remember the bad computer repair, College Tech, love chat lines, and other bad commercials that were a product of that time. I give the film special a ½ star but the commercials 3 stars and applaud their efforts for making them.

Robot Ninja (VHS) – In the age of weird, horrible, obscure low budget VHS movies getting legit releases and special VHS/DVD combo releases I am very surprised there is never been any news on this relatively lesser known gory comic bookish horror film. J. R. Bookwalter’s second feature was made in four months and $15,000, a lot less than his first feature “The Dead Next Door”. The film revolves around comic book artist Lenny who is upset with his agent selling the rights of the comic to NBC for a weekly series and is now being pressured by his boss to start making the comic book more like the weekly series. This makes Lenny go over the edge and become the real life Robot Ninja after he tries to stop three individuals from raping a couple on the edge of a freeway. He has the costume made; he is taking a massive amount of drugs, it’s time for Lenny/Robot Ninja to take to the streets looking for revenge! The film is a disgustingly fun time for J.R.’s second effort. I give the movie 2 ½ stars. The film also boasts appearances from Linnea Quigley, Burt Ward, and Scott Spiegel. I remember first seeing the film in 1990 when I helped a video store order it out of the Cinema Home Video catalog.

Boggy Creek (DVD) – First off I tried tracking down info on this Sasquatch film to see if it was a remake or even any relation to the films of same name but I came up empty. So, the filmmakers are that good making sure there wasn’t any info linking this low budget flick and the originals or everyone doesn’t give a fuck that it was a remake? So anyway we have swamp sasquatches that have been killing males and breeding with females for about 40 years or so in the swamp and the sasquatches like eating humans. I give the flick 1 ½ stars.

Mediatrix (DVD) – Cory J. Udler is a filmmaker that gave us the great trilogy of “Incest Death Squad” which I highly recommend. This time around he doesn’t go too far from keeping Christianity into his storyline as a woman of the name Mary Ann Van Hook is or was a fake medium (long story). As a child she could see things but now as an adult she is busy collecting money from the local men who want to bang her in the ass! Then as a child people from all around the world would come to visit her who believed in her holy visions but it was ruined by a man of the clergy and his unspeakable unchristian-like acts. Miss Van Hook who is hooked on drugs, alcohol, and prostitution has a plan for a local woman named Carrie Brackett who still believes in Miss Hook’s powers. Miss Hook just needs to clean herself up enough to make the plan work and knows Carrie doesn’t know about Hook’s past with her husband. It is brutal, disgusting, and just so much fun to watch what Miss Van Hook will make people believe next in this tale of some people will believe anything. Thanks again Cory for a film like no other as I give it 3 out of 4 stars. You can find the film at www.incestdeathsquad.com .

Netherworld (DVD) – David Schmoeller directs this Full Moon film from the early days of Full Moon that I swore off after seeing it when I was in high school. So I thought it was time to give it a second chance after 20 years to see if it was still as bad as I thought it was? A man named Corey Thornton inherits an estate from a father he never knew that is in the heart of the bayou where black magic thrives, Cory’s dead father asks to be brought back from the dead, and a lot of sex stuff happens! If that wasn’t enough a witch of sorts has power of a cement hand or ‘hand of Satan’ to kill people. Surprisingly enough I made it through and thought it was better than “Demonic Toys vs. Dollman”. I give the film 2 stars.

Spiders (DVD) – The government and NASA are screwing around with genetically mutated spider that just happens to crash land back on earth after an experiment goes wrong. The military shows up to gather the wreckage and bodies and doesn’t know about the three young reporters who stumble upon the crash thinking aliens who hide in a truck to find out the real story. Soon spiders begin to fuck people up in an underground facility. The creature effects were done by KNB! Fun throwback flick to the sci-fi 50s as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Psycho II (DVD) – Possibly one of the most underrated sequels of all time as Anthony Perkins reprises his role as Norman Bates. Tom Holland the writer crafted an amazing story of bringing this legendary character back to the big screen. The movie now over 30 years old and still hasn’t lost its touch as Norman has been released from the criminally insane after 22 years. He returns to his home and motel with his doctor knowing he must face his fears of what happen so many years ago. Norman is older, wiser, and just wants to adjust to life in the real world again and even has a job at the local diner down the road. But soon Norman begins hearing his mother’s voice and seems to be receiving notes from her and tries to believe she is dead but some in the area still have the events of 1960 fresh in their mind and want Norman to be locked up again. Authorities keep an eye on Norman as people begin to disappear and the Bates Motel reopens under Norman’s management. The clever writing makes this film work on so many levels and Anthony Perkins lets the uncomfortable, awkward, easily excited psycho Norman Bates personality out as this movie proves he was perfect for the role. As Robert Englund for Freddy and Kane Hodder for Jason, some people are just meant to be and Mr. Perkins made the Norman Bates character so scary without effort. Do yourself a favor and rewatch this this classic sequel that I still believe doesn’t get the love it deserves as I give it 4 stars. And be sure you pay attention as there is a funny line in the film when Norman says with his straight demeanor, “I do not kill people anymore”.

Psycho III (DVD) – Two years go by and another sequel is born this time directed by Anthony Perkins himself as the movie picks right up from the end of part two but eventually falls apart in the end. Norman Bates still adjusting to his new life but has accepted his mother will always be with him hires a new assistant manager in Jeff Fahey and has a new tenant named Maureen. A blond that he soon lets his desire out to kill but instead saves her when he finds her trying to commit suicide in room #1 where it all began so many years ago. Norman tries to keep the inner psycho locked inside of him and tries to have a relationship with Maureen but he eventually goes mad and begins to kill again. As Norman does say “Everyone goes a little mad every once in a while”. The movie is fun and you cannot get enough of Anthony Perkins but the film seems to fall apart or doesn’t stay strong as part two in the last ten to fifth-teen minutes. I give it 2 ½ stars.

Psycho IV: The Beginning (DVD) – Henry Thomas plays a young Norman Bates in this film where Norman Bates now trying to live a normal life away from the Bates Motel calls into a radio station to talk about mother killers. Norman tells the story of what led up to him killing his mother and why he had to keep her corpse. It may have not been the ideal finale we wanted but it is a worthy one as Anthony Perkins returns, CCH Pounder is the disc jockey Norman tells the story too, Olivia Hussey plays Norman’s mother, Mick Garris directs and John Landis is the producer of the station. I just believe Anthony Perkins knew he didn’t have much more time on this earth and wanted to give fans a film that explains the Norman character in-depth but also tie it all up. I give the film 2 ½ stars.

Battle of the Damned (DVD/SyFy Channel) – Dolph Lundgren is a former special forces officer who is sent into a quarantined zone in Southeast Asia where a whole city has been shut down because of a zombie outbreak. He goes in with his team to find a daughter of a CEO whose company made the viral outbreak possible. Lundgren, zombies, and robots pretty much tell you everything you need to know as the only thing that would have made the film better was a bigger budget as I give the flick 2 stars.

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .

Gross Movie Reviews #323

Posted on June 25, 2014 by grossmoviereviews

Gross Movie Reviews #323

By Tim Gross

Syndrome (YouTube/DVD) – A short independent film written and directed by a cool young filmmaker Tim Novotny and it stars filmmaker Jim Roberts as the lead character (Nate). Nate is back from the war, depressed, crippled, you get the drift. Nate’s world is over but you as the viewer must decide is he dreaming? Already dead? Or is he a ghost now watching from afar? A cool short film that can make you think as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Kids Get Dead 2: The Kids Get Deader (Vimeo/DVD) – You know me I will watch sequels… Especially when I haven’t seen the first film! But Darkstar Entertainment has just released Michael Hall’s independent slasher sequel. Casey survived the first film and suffers like most “survivor girl” syndrome. She wants answers why? Who was trying to kill her and friends? And so on… But makes this slasher different is Casey learns of author Charles Carver. An author whose books that he writes comes true just like what happen to her before so Casey goes looking for Mr. Carver for answers. Soon the masked killer is back on his killing spree again and Casey soon finds herself with more questions than answers and is unsure if Carver’s killer can be killed? I have to give it to filmmaker Michael Hall intentional or not the film has a little “In the Mouth of Madness”, a little “Wes Craven’s New Nightmare”, and a dash of a supernatural horror film that adds up to not being just your typical straight up slasher flick. I enjoyed the little twist, the gore looked cool, the usual slasher film amount of boobs make this an interesting watch for slasher fans as I give the flick 2 ½ out of 4 stars. You can find out more about it at www.darkstarentertainment.net .

Dragonslayer (DVD) – Its 1981 and it’s like a live action version of a Dungeons and Dragons story has come to life! And what makes this flick still cool to talk about is that after 30 years or so it still holds up as a great fantasy film. Virgins, dragons, sacrifices, I’m sold! Do yourself a favor and revisit this early 80s flick as I give it 3 ½ stars.

House of Oddities: The Story of the Atrocity Exhibition (Vimeo/DVD) – An amazing documentary that takes you on the journey of how a local Atrocity Exhibition got started and how some very different and passionate people make it happen. Independent filmmaker Brian Cottington lends his talents in filming this small group of artists that want to entertain people whether through art, theater, dance, etc. And give the mainstream something that isn’t looked at as your typical sideshow or freakshow but true art or freedom of expression. Cottington gives you an inside look of how a small group of artists came together from many walks of life and put together a show that not only has a loyal following but grows by the minute. A show that is very different from anything you have seen before and to keep people in attendance guessing they change the show every year. I believe this is a perfect documentary filmed by Brian Cottington for the mere fact this isn’t something I am into but after watching this has my full respect for what they do. Oddities they are not, artists they are and I am grateful for that and the people who were apart of this documentary. I give this wonderful film 4 out of 4 stars and can be seeked out at www.houseofodditiesmovie.com .

Dry Bones (DVD) – Anytime a cool independent filmmaker such as Gregory Lamberson contacts you about a new flick you take notice… Especially when he was the dude that gave us the beautiful slime/gorefest “Slime City Massacre”! So when I got this screener I could not wait to sit down and watch a film that stars Debbie Rochon and Kevin Van Hat Trick aka Duane Smith aka just go watch “Basket Case” if you are not a nerd like I am. But anyway Lamberson’s latest is about a boy named Andrew who has a monster living under his bed and so frighten he is unsure that he can ever sleep again. Or it can be he is holding a piece of history in his hands (Fangoria #1, Godzilla cover) and knows how much it is worth? But anyway his dad (Bart) comes barging in because he cannot hear “Charlie’s Angels” and wants to put a beating upon Andrew but soon finds himself face to face with the hideous monster living under Andrew’s bed. Many years go by and Andrew now Drew has returned to town for the first time in years because his sister wants to sell their parents’ house. With nowhere to stay and needing to make repairs to the house before its sold Drew decides to move back to his original home thinking the monster is in his past. Drew was wrong! Soon Drew has strange dreams, all who enter are dying in a horrible manner, and the neighbors believe the home is haunted. A great independent horror film with cool practical monster effects and one of the best actresses ever as a Succubus… I want a sequel and I want Debbie Rochon in even more monster make-up because she makes it look so fun and awesome! All I got to say horror fans thank god for filmmakers like Gregory Lamberson as I give his new flick 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

After Dusk They Come (DVD) – Some rich people get shipwrecked on an island that just happens to have the offspring of Sasquatch and the cave creatures from “The Descent”. It’s worth wasting 80 or so minutes on as I give it 2 stars.

Things (DVD) – Possibly the most bizarre film I ever had the pleasure of watching. And that is saying a lot my friends. “Donnie Darko”… poop on you! “Fight Club”… go fuck yourself! “Eraserhead”… I’m still not sure? Just when I thought I seen all the warped mindfuck movies out there I come across Andrew Jordan’s ultra-fucking-weird no budget independent horror film that was shot on Super-8 in Canada and dubbed. Got your attention so far? Two friends go to a cabin in the middle of nowhere that just happens to be one of the fellows’ brother’s cabin. And his brother just had a weird dream about a naked woman in a basement with their monster baby and wakes up to his wife getting very sick. While the two dudes steal beer from the fridge Doug’s wife dies from a creature bursting out of her stomach that was an experiment from Dr. Lucas and now is multiplying throughout the house. Between the rambling nonsense called dialogue is a battle between these odd creatures and man in the ultimate bloodbath called, ‘survival’. And that is from what I can understand from watching this flick. I give this most bizarre flick 3 out of 4 stars for the mere fact I have never been so happy to own a movie!

Perished (YouTube) – A short film from SAR Films in the UK that is about a man who must decide suicide or figure out a way to outwit zombies that have him trapped inside a house. I give the flick 3 stars and really enjoyed the ending.

Halloween 2: H2 (DVD/remake) – Believe me if you ever talked to me about the first flick or read my review you understand why it took me so long to get over my anger to give this film a chance. And by the way I am still a little angry but I felt it enough time had pass to see what Rob Zombie did with the sequel and maybe figure out he doesn’t want a third film? The film begins in the hospital just like the original with Laurie and Annie in really bad shape. Laurie so worried about Annie goes to visit but of course Michael Myers is back to finish what he had started. Laurie wakes up in bed almost a year later living with Annie and Sheriff Brackett scarred, terrified, and dysfunctional. Meanwhile, Michael Myers has disappeared from the wrecked morgue van and hasn’t been seen. But Michael is seeing his dead mother and is told it is time to return to Haddonfield while Dr. Loomis is more of an asshole than the first film as he has written his next book all about the events of last Halloween. I enjoyed that Rob Zombie kept the characters evolving from the first film whether people liked it or not and paid homage to the original second film with the hospital scene. This movie has a grimier and gritty feel to it that the first film didn’t have and the gore keeps flowing. But also at the same time giving the drive to why Michael does what he does and why Laurie/Boo is so fucking screwed up. Am I happy there was a sequel let alone a remake, “HELL NO!” Did I get off my high horse and give this film a chance and glad I did, “YES I AM!” This sequel isn’t a horrible film and worth a watch if you are a hardcore fan of the original like me? It may have took two films for Rob Zombie to give us his full vision of Michael Myers good or bad but after watching this film and “Lords of Salem” I am grateful for Rob Zombie haunting Hollywood whether I agree or disagree with his movie choices and with that I give this film 2 stars.

Tony: London Serial Killer (DVD) – I haven’t seen a movie so boring since I pushed myself through the horrible feature “The Zombie Chronicles… in 3-D”. Next time I see this title come up I will just punch myself in the face and feel better that I did. I give it nothing as you should avoid it like the plague.

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Also you now can purchase the co-directed film project from Daniel Boyd and I called, “Jagoff Massacre” at www.jagoffmassacre.com . There is a sequel in the works…

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .

Gross Movie Reviews #320

Posted on May 25, 2014 by grossmoviereviews

Gross Movie Reviews #320

By Tim Gross

Spiders (DVD) – Bootleg Jason Patric aka Patrick Muldoon Christa Campbell take on spiders from space in fake New York. Part of a Russian space station falls to earth into a subway and with it is an experimental spider that has already laid its egg for a queen. Soon the homeless disappear and huge ass spiders begin to fuck people up in this fun adventurous Space spider film. You usually cannot go wrong with mutated creatures from space and for that I am thankful as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Chilling Visions: 5 Senses of Fear (DVD) – Another anthology that tackles human’s five senses: Sight, Smell, Hearing, Taste, and Touch. As usual it’s a mixed bag and not everyone can have a “Creepshow” or “The Collective” anthology finished product. But don’t let that stop you from checking out this project as ‘Sight’ from Miko Hughes aka little kid from Pet Semetery… does amazing job and one of my favorite young filmmakers Emily Hagins brings a wonderful story for ‘touch’. I give the project 2 stars.

Oz the Great and Powerful (DVD) – These days no story or movie to be remade or reimagined is untouchable for Hollywood but to make it interesting they bring in filmmaking horror legend Sam Raimi. He was given the task to bring to life how Oz really became Oz along with the witches, ruby red shoes, and so on and so on. I am a fan of the original classic film that just reinvented cinema but was also able to enjoy this film for what it is ‘a prequel’. But saying that I do believe good, bad, or just dumb whatever your opinion is, Raimi brings a very unique style of filming to the movie and without him I most likely feel this movie adaption may have sucked an egg. But with him it made me take a break from massacre and gore films to watch something that is a little off the beaten path for my movie watching taste. For that I have to give the flick 2 ½ stars.

Creature (DVD) – No kiddos, not the William Malone feature from the early 80s, it’s a monster film about bayou hillbillies and incest that seem to get buried and not talked about by many. A group of young folk make their way to a haunted part of the bayou where a legend of a crazed half creature/half man roams the swamps and kills looking for his new bride. Sounds simple and cool enough but how about throw in Sid Haig leading a couple hillbilly brothers into the swamp trying to have the young folk killed by this legend to help please their god! Which did I mention apparently incest is a big part of this backwoods religion? Lots of gore, incest, practical make-up and creature, crazed hillbillies, and Sid Haig in one of his best roles since Captain Spaulding. I’m in every time to watch cool shit like this! Horror fans get off your high horse and give this flick a second chance as I give it 3 stars.

Wreckage (DVD) – Don’t walk but run away from this so called horror film that makes me believes the screenwriter may have issues? Car breaks down and four friends go to an old junkyard to get parts. Then dumb ass guy who hates his pregnant girlfriend shoots her by mistake and comes up with a corny welder’s masked character that kills people in a junkyard for kicks. I wanted to enjoy this movie but found myself disgusted with the film after watching the payoff. It still amazes me what gets released and what doesn’t as I give this horrid film a ½ star.

Splatter Farm (DVD) – Been awhile since I have tracked down a Polonia Brothers film and reviewed it, so I figured it was time to sit down and watch the film that help make the Polonia Brothers a household name among ‘shot on video’ filmmakers. Having watched quite a few of the Polonia Brothers films over the years I wasn’t quite prepared for this no budget homage to “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre”. Most of the Polonia Brothers flicks are comedic or sci-fi flicks with a slasher or two thrown in for fun. So seeing this flick all the through made me have a whole new respect for their filmmaking talents. Two brothers go to visit their aunt who lives in farm country and happens to have an oddball dude living there helping her with chores. Soon the brothers become curious of the odd man and what he does out in the old farmhouse and that was a big mistake for the brothers as they come face to face with gritty brutality that is absolutely gut-wrenching! This film belongs for good reason in “you feel dirty after watching it” category! It’s a film I never thought the Polonia Brothers could do and they did and that is why I give it 3 ½ stars.

Rock n Roll High School (DVD) – Or we should just call it the Roger Corman film that happens to star The Ramones and lots of their music! Basic storyline is all Riff Randall wants is to meet The Ramones and give Joey the songs she wrote. Plus her friend wants to get laid. That changes when her Ramones tickets are taken away for skipping three days of school to stand in line for them. Soon the principal wants to start a war with the students about Rock n Roll so she can discipline them and show them the right path in this perfect blend of music and comedy. The Corman film stars the likes of P.J. Soles, Clint Howard, Mary Woronov, Paul Bartel, Dick Miller, and The Ramones of course! I give the flick 4 stars.

Doc of the Dead (DVD) – Another great documentary that covers everything zombies from Max Brooks to George Romero to the black and white flick White Zombie. Lots of cool interviews and clips covering not only the history of movie zombies but even talking about people who actually prepare for the zombie apocalypse. Simon Pegg makes an appearance as does Greg Nicotero along with Tom Savini to show this documentary means business talking everything zombies. So zombie fans shamble to whenever you can a copy of this and enjoy as I give it 4 stars.

X-Men: Days of Future Past (Theater) – Been awhile since I been to the theater and what better way to do it than going opening weekend to see the summer film that brings together old and new X-men universes together. The war is all but lost in the future as Professor X and Magneto believe they have a way to change the future to change everything. This way mutants and humanity will survive the Sentinels. Wolverine’s conscious is sent back to 1973 to convince Professor X who has fallen on very hard times and Magneto who is imprisoned 1000 feet underground by the government to come together and stop Mystique/Raven from killing Trask the man who invented the Sentinels. They believe this the event that has set the war in motion and if stopped and changed history will change. The only one that would know of this is Wolverine if he succeeds, if not they all die. Everyone makes an appearance except Gambit in this amazing and wonderful summer film. This is the type of film all should enjoy as it brought out the inner kid in me while watching it. Enjoy this summer movie for what it is a fun popcorn superhero flick and stop being cynical as I give it 4 stars.

Hopscotch (DVD) – A quite different short film from Kirsten Walsh who gives the viewer an intense curveball of an independent film that relies more on its dialogue and performances by its all-female cast than your usually boobs, shitty gore effects, and bad acting that a good portion of independent films rely on. I should know as I have watched and reviewed many as some believe too many at times. But always enjoy when a filmmaker like a Kirsten Walsh produces something like “Hopscotch” that makes you want to pay attention to all dialogue and also has a great uneasy feeling of not sure where the film may take you. But anyway Bridget is an escort who is brought to a big home by a young woman named Jolene. Bridget is there to service a character named Mr. Andre but never sees him when she gets into deep conversation with Jolene and a curious houseguest named Rebecca. From there the film blooms into this great creepy oddity that will have you wanting more especially after the film’s interesting ending. Big props to Kirsten Walsh for putting together an independent short film worth talking about as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. You can find out more about the project at www.facebook.com/hopscotchfilm .

Get Crazy (YouTube/VHS) – An absolutely hilariously funny lost classic from 1983 about a man named Max Wolfe whom himself and staff are trying to put together a show for New Year’s at The Saturn Theater. Problem is Max Wolfe is dying or thinks he is and its up too Daniel Stern now. The real question is once you start watching is “who isn’t in this film” as all the Roger Corman regulars and then some make an appearance in this wacky film of putting a show together that also highlights Malcom McDowell talking to his penis! That alone should make you want to seek this wacky over the top gem. I give the film 3 stars.

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Also you now can purchase the co-directed film project from Daniel Boyd and I called, “Jagoff Massacre” at www.jagoffmassacre.com . There is a sequel in the works…

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also Cannibal Campout, Woodchipper Massacre, and a Spookies T-shirts also!!!! Go towww.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews #319

Posted on May 13, 2014 by grossmoviereviews

Gross Movie Reviews #319

By Tim Gross

Red State (DVD) – Kevin Smith’s project about an extremist church group that has been inbreeding and collecting guns preparing for the end. Taking it the next step they lure three teenage males through a sex website so the preacher can make a point about gay people. Things go bad when the ATF is called in after a local deputy is shot when checking out a car on the property of the extremist church group. The movie is good for a few laughs but believe John Goodman’s performance is well worth watching the film no matter what your beliefs are? I give the film 2 ½ stars.

Black Death (DVD) – Sean Bean and David Warner stars in this dark adventure that is set in 1348 during the plague in Europe. Sean Bean who is a part of the church’s army is put in charge of taking a small group of men to a village in the marshland that has been said to be untouched by the plague. They stop at a monastery to find a guide and happen to find a young man who may have lost his way with god and wants to go find his lover. Sean Bean and his group tell the young man the real reason for going and that is to bring down the village and its witch that have betrayed god but the people in the marsh are ready for the group when they arrive. It’s a very dark look at the plague but Sean Bean is perfect for this kind of a flick and that is why I give it 3 stars.

Vikingdom (DVD/SyFy Channel) – Dominic Purcell plays a character that has been undead for ten years and must lead a group of fighters against Thor who apparently is a redhead in the SyFy Channel world. It’s kinda blah, so I suggest wasting your time on a different piece of shit movie. I give it a ½ star.

Music Store Massacre (DVD) – Writer/Director Gordon Price gives horror fans a no budget film about an evil guitar that keeps showing up at murder scenes. Ten years ago a reverend is found mutilating himself to death as he kills a detective in the process. Now in present time the guitar resurfaces and seems to affect all who play it. Once possessed the person or persons kill all who ‘hate’. The same detective whose partner was killed ten years ago begins to connect the dots during the odd murdering spree in town. The very political incorrect independent film has a little bit of everything for horror fans: a little gore, a cool evil guitar, a little bit of boobs, possession, a dude cutting a tattoo off his girlfriend’s butt! I give Mr. Price’s project 2 ½ out of 4 stars and thank him for giving weird horror movie fans like myself another ‘massacre’ movie. You can find out more about Gordon Price and his project at www.facebook.com/musicstoremassacre .

Countess Dracula (Blu-ray/DVD Combo) – Synapse Films does it again with the Hammer Collection with putting together a great package for the flick “Countess Dracula”. The film stars Ingrid Pitt and Nigel Green in a film that was influenced by a real-life Hungarian Countess. Ingrid is an aging woman who comes across something that not only stops you from aging but makes you younger by accident when she cuts one of her housemaids after being angered by her. Quickly noticing the effects Ingrid’s character goes into full killer mode with some help to kill the housemaid returning her to younger days of beauty. Soon she feels alive again and puts on an act for all in her castle to win the heart of a young man but it comes with a price: she must kill a virgin often to keep herself young. And she bathes herself in their blood! It’s a creepy story that doesn’t involve the usual Hammer staples: Vampires, Frankenstein, etc., even though it has ‘Dracula’ in the title. The film has seemed to find more fans in the recent decade or so and I would like to believe besides it showing on AMC Horrorfest it is Ingrid Pitt’s unique charm she brought to the Countess character. The combo pack has a commentary with Ingrid Pitt, author, screenwriter and director. The combo also sports a featurette called, “The Cinematic Life of Ingrid Pitt” and an audio interview with Ingrid. Long live Hammer on Synapse as I give the film 3 out of 4 stars and 4 out of 4 on the combo pack. For more information on “Countess Dracula” Combo Pack go to: www.synapse-films.com .

Croaker (DVD) – Fred Terling, an independent filmmaker who finally got to realize his dream with his “Croaker” project hopes to give film audiences something a little different or something missing from cinema these days? It all starts with four kids years ago playing down by the old river bed only to have one of them disappear in a drainage pipe. Years have passed and a couple of locals have gone missing while many believe it’s the urban legend of a monster. Also it has come to light that toxic levels are on the rise in the river. Soon with more people missing and weird goo appearing, two of the friends from years ago try to settle their differences and find out what is the real reason for all the missing people and the legend of a strange creature that may have taken them? The film is not a horror film by any stretch but plays out more like an early 80s adventure film I use to see as a youngster on HBO, Saturday mornings. Imagine urban legend monster that isn’t all about blood and guts with a splash of adventure. It is always cool to hear from filmmakers that this was their dream project when I get to watch it. Plus, you get to see me play the role of “Drunk Fisherman Zed”! I give the flick 2 ½ out of 4 stars and you can find out more information on the film at www.croakerthemovie.com .

Cockneys vs. Zombies (DVD) – A construction crew unearths a crypt that just happens to imprison a zombie plague and they have awakened them. Meanwhile two brothers and their cousin put a plan together to rob a bank so they can take care of their grandfather and friends whose home for seniors has just been shut down. Soon the zombies destroy East London and the boys must fight their way back to their grandfather to rescue him. It’s a quick, lean, mean zombie film that doesn’t fuss too much with story and keeps it gory and fun all the way through as I give it 2 ½ stars.

The Dinosaur Project (DVD) – A UK found footage film about an expedition into the Congo of people hoping to find more than just dinosaur bones as people there have talked of strange creatures appearing since more deforestation has taken place in recent years. It’s a decent “let’s kill 90 minutes” kinda film that falls in the trap of we all have seen this film one too many times as I give the film 1 ½ stars.

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Also you now can purchase the co-directed film project from Daniel Boyd and I called, “Jagoff Massacre” at www.jagoffmassacre.com . There is a sequel in the works…

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also Cannibal Campout, Woodchipper Massacre, and a Spookies T-shirts also!!!! Go towww.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews #318

Posted on April 30, 2014 by grossmoviereviews

Gross Movie Reviews #318

By Tim Gross

Snakeeater II: The Drug Buster (VHS) – Lorenzo Lamas is back as Jack aka Soldier who this time around is thrown of the police force for his excessive force against drug dealers. So he goes out on his own to take the city’s biggest drug lords down when a couple of teenagers from the dance club he oversees overdose. His sidekick who wants to clean up streets is none other than Larry B. Scott aka Lamar from the classic “Revenge of the Nerds”. Sounded like a good idea to check out the sequels since the first flick was pretty good… I was wrong. I give it 1 star.

Snakeeater III: His Law (VHS) – Lamas is back to reprise his role one more time in this no budget action flick that its only highlight is Bam Bam Bigelow getting electrocuted in his own shithouse! The first film was fun but two and three are just pure crap as they all but going for the quick buck in the early 90s. I give it 1 star.

Oldboy [remake] (OnDemand) – I am a big fan of the original chaotic classic so I was skeptical about the US version starring Josh Brolin playing the lead ‘Joe’. Joe drinks too much, hits on any woman that isn’t his wife, doesn’t care about his kid or really his job. One night during a bender he meets an Asian woman in the rain while knocking on a friend’s door. Next thing Joe knows is he is trapped in what looks to be a hotel room for 20 years. Over time Joe wants to escape and find his daughter. One night Joe is drugged and all cleaned up only to awake in a chest in the middle of nowhere with a wad of cash. Joe now decides he needs to track down everyone he has fucked over before he was kidnapped. Josh pulls the role off great and the film has some amazing action scenes but it misses the much chaotic charm the original had as it was something you couldn’t talk about or explain but witness… But with that said this remake is a fine movie also that I have to give 3 stars.

Ghosthouse (VHS) – Part Eye-talian, part US flick with a creepy ass clown, and wicked weird music that plays constantly when this little girl haunts an old house that people just happen to stumble upon because of their radio broadcasts. Horror fans creepy ass clown always makes the film worth one watch at least as I give it 2 stars.

Snitch (DVD) – Another film starring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson as it seems he poops out features daily? But the film is based on true events about a father who makes a deal with a government official to bring down a druglord and his money flow for the release of his son that was busted receiving drugs through the mail with intent to sell. Surprisingly, a good film for the “Rock” as he cements his star in the Hollywood action world. I give the flick 2 ½ stars.

Ghost Town (VHS) – A lost Charles Band produced flick from Empire Pictures in 1988 about a sheriff that gets sucked into the past by a ghostly wind and must bring down an undead villain in order to escape back to present day. If you are over the age of 30 you most likely would know the film from its cool box art that featured a skeleton cowboy on the cover. “Ghost Town” is one of the few Charles Band produced pictures that has failed to find its way onto a different format other than VHS, but you can find it on YouTube from time to time. I give the Old Empire Pictures flick 2 ½ stars.

Carnosaur 3: Primal Species (DVD) – Roger Corman produced sequel that stars Scott Valentine has the military trying to clean up the experimental dinosaurs that were mistaken for drugs or weapons when terrorists hi-jack the tractor trailer they were transported on. The dinosaurs eat the terrorists and pretty much spend their time eating mercenaries on a boat aka a warehouse at Corman’s studio in 1996. I give the boring flick 1 star.

Treasure of the Four Crowns (VHS) – An Italian/US/Spanish production trying to capitalize on Indiana Jones phenomenon in 1983 with a character named J.T. Stryker, on tenth of the budget, and in 3-D. The first twenty minutes of the film will simply make you shit yourself at all that is going on with Stryker. Simply put a mysterious man possibly government dude wants Stryker and his team to go steal some jewels that are in a couple crowns from a crazy cult leader named Jonas that might have the power for one being to rule the world. We got melting faces, fire shooting from hands, cult people, dogs that just appear in castle ruins and pissed, weird mutant monsters, and we have the over the top 80s 3-D that just makes this the perfect party movie. I give this flick 3 stars and this is a film that could find new life on Blu-Ray?

The Wolverine (DVD) – Marvel continues the X-men storyline with following Wolverine after killing Jean Grey and just wanting to be left alone. But he is seeked out by his old master in Japan because he wants to grant him one gift before dying and that is giving Logan a chance to grow old and die. It’s a decent film to move the story along but has seem to lose its luster as Marvel tries to tell the live action story of Logan who just happens to be one of comics most popular comic book characters ever. But its great popcorn entertainment for the kids as my daughter approves of the film especially when Magneto and Professor X greet Wolverine at the airport during the credits. I prefer the early X-men film but will give it 2 stars.

Heavy Metal Massacre (VHS) – A very small unknown independent horror film shot on video in 1989 by David DeFalco aka Bobbi Young in the film. I had to watch this flick just for the mere reason of its title but the cover also looks like late 80s Lita Ford holding a chainsaw! Besides seeing the boom mic in several scenes you have Bobbi Young hanging out at the local headbanger club looking all leather and studly looking for woman with their hair tease to the ceiling and wanting drugs. Once he lured his victims to his basement he murders them including one scene that Bobbi has a rubber sledgehammer (love it)! But what make this awesomely bad film hilarious is the two bumbling detectives who cannot figure out its Bobbi Young. If you were any kind of metal fan back in the late 80s and early 90s do yourself a favor and track this son of a bitch down! I give it 1 ½ stars.

The Dead Beat Volume Two (VHS) – Thanks to “Out of Print Dan”, he tracked this down knowing I have talked about the first Post Mordum video magazine “The Dead Beat” which didn’t seem to exist or was very unknown to most horror movie fans. Volume Two is a fun and pleasant video featuring KNB guys explaining all their effects and how they work together so well, David J. Schow (always respected this dude) , Screaming Mad George talking about “The Guyver”, Randy Cook speaks about “The Gate” and “I, Madman”, and they have a cool “Re-animator tribute. A great trip down memory lane for horror movie fans like me as I give it 4 stars.

The Dead Beat Volume Three (VHS) – Another great entry into this series that “Out of Print Dan” tracked down for me to review. This time around they Optic Nerve/John Vulich discuss make-up effects, Frank Darabont interview, Special set look at “The Unnamable 2”, and Clive Barker discusses “Hellraiser 1 thru 3”. Awesome stuff horror fans as I give it 4 stars also.

Sorority House Vampires from Hell 3-D Edition (DVD) – A boring vampire film from 2001 that was trying to capitalize on the “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” craze with loads of topless women and vamps of course. The film comes off like a bad episode of the “Red Shoe Diaries” that never aired and might had a better chance in making an impact if they just went hardcore porn with this parody. I was just disappointed I had to watch it hoping it might have the charm of a Jim Wynorski film but I was wrong as I give it 0 stars.

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Also you now can purchase the co-directed film project from Daniel Boyd and I called, “Jagoff Massacre” at www.jagoffmassacre.com . There is a sequel in the works…

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also Cannibal Campout, Woodchipper Massacre, and a Spookies T-shirts also!!!! Go towww.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews #317

Posted on April 15, 2014 by grossmoviereviews

Gross Movie Reviews #317

By Tim Gross

Reap (DVD) – A short film from Kyle Cates that was one of the many extras on the excellent independent thriller “Intrusion”. The film has a fun shot on video early 90s vibe where a married couple is getting ready to have a baby soon, new house, and cannot wait to spend their lives together. But soon this is all disrupted when an unknown individual breaks into the home and brutally rapes and kills the wife. During a struggle shortly after the husband gets the upper hand and takes matters into his own hands and disgustingly destroys the person that has ruined his perfect life. I give it 2 1/2 out of 4 stars.

Don’t Look Now (VHS) – A Donald Sutherland and Julie Christie film from 1973 based on a novel set in Venice, Italy. Jon and Laura is a happy couple until their daughter drowns in a creek in the backyard but the disturbing thing is Jon may have seen it happen before it did. Some time passes with Jon set on rebuilding an old church and his wife Laura still trying to pick up the pieces meets a woman and her sister who is blind and they see Laura’s dead child. The movie moves at a snail’s pace and is supposed to be atmospheric. Me, I just could not get into the film at any point and wondered out loud if Donald had in his contract that he must be naked in every film he made in the 70s. I give the flick 1 star.

The ABCs of Death (DVD) – The concept is 26 short films by 26 different filmmakers from around the world and each of their films is one of the letters of the alphabet. Some are great, a few are horrible, and a couple I just snickered at. But the anthology project is something great for horror in my opinion because I believe Hollywood or at least some involved with Hollywood took notice of what has been done a few times now in the past decade by awesome unknown independent filmmakers. What I did take away from this interesting project was the second half of the alphabet really seems to have a toilet theme going…? I give it 3 stars and independent filmmakers remember someone has noticed what all yinz unknown talented bitches and bastards are doing!

Claws (VHS) – Imagine William Girdler’s “Grizzly” on no budget with lots of bear stock footage. Anyway apparently after a grizzly is wounded five years ago, it has a taste for human blood in the Alaskan mountains. Some of the natives believe the bear is the “devil bear” and cannot be killed or it’s a ghost sent to haunt humans for fucking with bears. Either way the film is a butt load of fun if you like ‘When Animal Attacks’ flicks. I give the flick 2 ½ stars. This film proves why a lot of 70s flicks are just going to get better with age.

Twisted Fate (DVD) – A budding independent filmmaker Timothy Novotny with big ideas gave me his first short film from 2012 that has two men: Samuel and Kain hanging out in a basement looking for salvation in one form or other. I like the bleakness, the guts, and the arguments of the bible that compare to what’s left of the world after it went to hell. But a little more budget and a different direction may have made this short film just plain bad ass! With a little confidence in his future projects and his team up with one of my personal favorite independent filmmakers Jim Roberts makes me joyful in what Tim has in store for horror film fans like me. I give the flick 2 out of 4 stars. For more details on this filmmaker and other projects check out: www.novotariansyndicate.com .

Outpost 3: Rise of the Spetsnaz (On Demand) – The prequel/sequel to the amazing Nazi Zombie Bunker films that I am sure Hollywood will try to remake it and have Paul W. ‘I suck’ S. Anderson destroy it like he does with most projects. This story takes place towards the end of WWII with a Russian hit squad making their way towards a secret Nazi facility. Little they know Nazis are doing experiments of all sorts on the undead. Once captured and most of them killed, two surviving bad ass Russians just put an ass whopping on zombie experiments and Nazi officers in order to escape the underground prison. Cool creatures, great gore, but the film just doesn’t fit with the two great films before it. If you have seen the first two films this maybe a letdown since the first two films not only set the bar very high to top, but had an ending that satisfy most viewers. Also make sure you pay attention to when the American soldier is introduced to the Russians as his name is Captain Rogers. I give the film 2 stars.

The Dark Side of the Moon (VHS) – This is a little unknown sci-fi flick that predates “Event Horizon” by several years. Its 2022 and a ship comes across Discovery 18 which disappeared after a splashdown in the Bermuda Triangle 30 years ago. The crew having issues with its instruments and oxygen levels right before they go into the shadow of the moon find the drifting ship. The crew boards in hopes of finding answers to their ship’s problems but end up with a whole other set of problems, mainly the devil may have been waiting for them in outer space? The film doesn’t have much of a budget or named actors but has a well-rounded story that makes the film worth tracking down if you never heard of it. Call it a hidden gem as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Man of Steel (DVD) – The newest version of Superman hit the big screen with lots of fanfare and comic book geeks ejaculating all over themselves. The film retells the story of Clark Kent hiding among us common humans and brings back one of the coolest villains ever in General Zod where Superman must choose sides between the new Krypton and Earth. The film was entertaining and I got to admit I did enjoy the new Zod but felt Russell Crowe was a little over the top and just feel it’s hard to beat the cheesy Christopher Reeve version with the perfect General Zod in part two. I give the film 2 ½ stars. Let’s hope it doesn’t take another $200 – $500 million dollars and twenty years later to keep the franchise going as I love Marvel but Superman was always intriguing…

7^th Day (DVD) – In the past most independent filmmakers would make a serial killer film and as a reviewer I would almost cringe at the thought of it as the project was usually brainless, bloodless, and a complete waste of time as they would try to mostly use naked women to sell the bad product.But the past year or two independent filmmakers and writers have blown me away how they have been able to make these lean, mean, gritty, serial killer films that make Hollywood blush. And Jason Koch made sure this project was no different than that trend in blowing me away with the “7^th Day” film. We meet a man named Allen Dean who knows what he is and tells the viewer plain and simple, “This is what he does.” Allen narrates most of the film or talks to a ghost, his conscience, image of a mutated reporter (take your pick) and takes you the viewer through his insanely sleazy life. Allen Dean would like you to know he picks his victims by “selections” and is completely sane even if he feels the need to do cocaine with his neighbor or have sex with one of his victims. Even with all that going on Mr. Dean is trying to figure out how he can get the love of his life to notice him at his dead end job. The film takes an unconventional roller coaster ride into the gross and sick world of Allen Dean, with just a dash of sleaze that makes you want to watch and enjoy the film alone and be sure to take a shower after. Bravo Jason Koch, you have gotten my attention and most likely many others and good luck. I give the project 3 ½ out of 4 stars. You can find the film at: www.direwitfilms.com .

Beware! The Blob (VHS/YouTube) – It’s the follow-up to the 50s classic that takes a more comedic approach its basic premise Hippies vs. The Blob. The film feels like exploitation but just feel it’s just one of those bad 70s films that most of our parents enjoyed making fun at the drive-in back in their day. Oh by the way, an instant frozen ice rink kills it and did I mention Larry Hagman directed with having Dick Van Patten, Cindy Williams, Sid Haig, and Burgess Meredith in his cast? I give it 1 ½ stars but if I’m drunk I would give it 3 stars.

Bermuda Tentacles (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Oh thank the lord Rutger Hauer that SyFy Channel has broken their almost five month drought without a new Saturday night flick! John Savage plays the president, Linda Hamilton plays a Naval fleet commanding officer, and Jamie Kennedy plays a scientist (remember the talented Tara Reid in “Alone in the Dark”), I believe I have said too much besides the Bermuda Triangle is an alien being! I give it 2 stars and thank you SyFy Channel.

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Also you now can purchase the co-directed film project from Daniel Boyd and I called, “Jagoff Massacre” at www.jagoffmassacre.com . There is a sequel in the works…

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also Cannibal Campout, Woodchipper Massacre, and a Spookies T-shirts also!!!! Go towww.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Don’t forget you can find me here on May 3rd:

grossmoviereviews

This website is dedicated to horror movies (independent and mainstream), beer, Full Moon, Spookies, Graveyard Shift, Leprechaun sequels, massacre films and watching every god damn horror film ever made or die trying!

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