Gross Movie Reviews #343
By Tim Gross
Shark Assault (DVD) – The movie is also known as “Shark Week” and “Shark Island” and had a premiere on SyFy Channel that I somehow missed? A man seeks revenge against several individuals who got his son killed and he will have them play a ‘survivor-type’ of game with sharks… and it stars Yancy Butler! If anything its hilarious just to watch a shark do its best “Tremors” imitation. I give the flick 1 star.
The Axeman of Henderson County (DVD) – A newer independent slasher/serial killer flick from filmmaker Larry Parmiter has the likes of wrestling legend Hacksaw Jim Duggan and former college football star Major Harris grace the screen in his flick. The story takes place in a small rural town where a person has taken upon themselves to begin killing the townsfolk or storefront owners with an axe. But each time the killer does not leave many clues for the sheriff and also mocks them with letters. The film suffers from several minor issues; it has that first project type of feel? Which I had a chance to discuss with Mr. Parmiter at the recent Horror Realm convention including a horrible story of an editor that really wasn’t sure on the editing part but got paid for it. Larry has a good head on his filmmaking body and understands what mistakes were made and is excited to not only try to correct them in a remastered version of the film some time down the road but considers it a lesson learned for the next project. And hearing that Larry’s next project has me intrigued? In the meantime help out another cool independent filmmaker and check out the Facebook page for this slasher/serial killer flick: https://www.facebook.com/axemanofhendersoncounty . Besides I wanted to see this movie either way just for the mere fact that Hacksaw Jim Duggan plays the mayor. I give the flick 2 out of 4 stars.
Tinnitus (DVD) – A pretty creepy short film about a love triangle that has gone bad. Filmmaker Bradley Walkowaik did a great job of building a lean, mean, and suspenseful short film that will have you asking what’s next. I give the short film 3 out of 4 stars. Find out more about the filmmaker here: https://www.facebook.com/brad.walkowiak?fref=ts .
Destroyer (VHS/DVD-R) – With this unknown 1988 flick (at least unknown to me anyway) I seen the box art late last year and knew I needed to see this horror flick. It is an 80s wet dream of a horror movie: Lyle Alzado as the killer or undead killer, Deborah Foreman as the cute stunt girl, Anthony Perkins as the director of the woman-in-prison flick, and Clayton Rohner who was the guy in “April Fool’s Day” that seem to be banging his girlfriend the whole film. Ivan Moser (Lyle Alzado) is on death row for murdering two dozen people and is going to be electrocuted. When it happens, power goes out, riot begins, and Moser’s body is never recovered. 18 months later a film production of a women’s prison movie is ongoing in the former prison that held Moser and people are starting to show up dead. All Moser wants is to be alone with Malone (Foreman’s character). Even though most deaths happen off screen there is one hell of a death scene with Moser killing someone with a jackhammer that is somewhat featured on the cover of the movie! When I talked about it on our Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast I gave it 3 stars but I got to amp it up a little and give it 3 ½ stars just because it has everything you look for in an 80s slasher flick. I do not remember anything about this flick even with “Shocker”, “The Horror Show”, and even “Prison” getting a lot of press at the time of this film. But glad I found it to enjoy its Lyle Alzado greatness!
Psycho Pike (DVD) – A lumber yard on the lake is dumping illegal waste into the lake causing many fish to die except one… The Pike! It is mutating into a large fish that has a taste for humans. Two couples go to their beachfront cabin on the lake to enjoy the summer but soon are in for a rude awakening as sickly fish begin to show up along with the police looking for dead bodies. “Psycho Pike” has it all as it’s the cheaper version of “Frankenfish” and beats it by 15 years! This B-movie greatness was so much fun I watched it two days in a row as I give it 3 ½ stars for its entertainment value!
My Zombie Flick – (YouTube) – A short film that deals with zombies and their fans from a man who I believe gave us “Mini-Golf Massacre” and for that I am grateful. But the short film mocks “The Walking Dead” and its fans and also has a fun time mocking no budget films that hold zombie auditions. If you cannot laugh at yourself then what’s the point is what I got out of this fun mocking look at an over bloated zombie genre that I give 3 out of 4 stars as Bobby Keller declares his film to end or kill it all in zombie films. My favorite scene is a tie between the girl at the auditions who claims to be from Pittsburgh, Pa., and the two zombie movie makers arguing with two women at a bar about “The Walking Dead”. Check it out at: https://www.facebook.com/myzombieflick .
The Bowery Boys Meet the Monsters (DVD) – A great old school monster/horror film from 1954 that I bet influenced many filmmakers and monster films of the 60s, 70s, and even early 80s. The story revolves around two men in the spirit of Abbott and Costello comedy try to seek out the landowners of a lot nearby their friend’s diner that could be used for a baseball diamond for the neighborhood kids. Little the Bowery boys know is the owners is a couple of crazed scientists, a very pretty but curious woman, and a murderous old lady who all have plans for the two men that all end in death. When you watch it you will draw a lot of parallels to the famous TV shows “The Munsters” and “The Addams Family”. I give this fun old school monster flick 3 stars.
Zombie Killers: Elephant’s Graveyard (DVD) – If there was a middle ground between the zombie storylines of the dramatic TV series “The Walking Dead” and George Romero’s “Dawn and Day of the Dead”, “Zombie Killers” may have found it? Doc is a man trying to keep a community together during a zombie apocalypse where walls have been built, an army or people called ‘zombie killers’ are trained to protect, and new laws are enforced to help protect those who live behind the walls. Many try to live life best they can as others wonder is there an answer or reason for the walking flesh eaters. As tensions mount inside the community between the religious fanatics and a man named Rory that many in the community do not trust there is a problem as two people captured from another safe-zombie free location come to warn the community of a zombie horde in the millions about to descend on the community. If you can get past the CGI zombie deer and fish you will most likely enjoy this bloody but dramatic at times zombie flick. If anything you will enjoy Dee Wallace playing the usual worrying mom character, Billy Zane being the great Billy Zane, and Miss Felissa Rose in her best character in my opinion since “Sleepaway Camp” where she plays the community’s religious nut as you can easily seeing her as a cult leader in many other films. We are talking she has found her Jeffrey Combs or Tim Thomerson role here folks. The zombie film doesn’t drag, gives enough blood and gore for nerds like me, and gives you an interesting storyline for the mainstream “Walking Dead” fans, especially for the filmmaker pointing to fracking being the cause of the zombies rising… I give the flick 2 ½ out of 4 stars and a huge thank you to Miss Felissa Rose.
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