Tag Archives: Dolph Lundgren

Gross Movie Reviews #392

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Gross Movie Reviews #392

 

Krampus (DVD) – So all that little Max wants is the Christmas holiday to be fun again. He still believes in Santa Claus and misses the days of just hanging with his older sister, Mom, Dad, and Grandma during the cheerful holiday season. So he writes Santa a letter asking for all this and when his cousins arrive they steal his letter and embarrass him. Now Max is ruined and throws it out the window but someone was paying attention. An old demon named Krampus makes a visit to Max’s household stealing and slaughtering everyone around him. Cool Christmas monster and really enjoyed the practical effects of the mutant jack-in-the box. Holiday horror for the whole family as I give it 3 stars.

 

Masters of the Universe (DVD) – So I decided to revisit this cartoon to live action big budget film adaptation that starred Dolph Lundgren, Meg Foster, and Courtney Cox. The film was littered with problems from beginning to end and was not released until 1987 where He-man’s popularity was already slowing down. Good or bad or just disagree with the direction of the storyline it was just cool to see something like this as a kid. Now saying that time hasn’t been kind to it since we are all older and can point out the many flaws but I believe that is the joy of the film? But damn it to hell I wanted me some Ram-man! I give it 2 stars.

 

Jurassic Shark (DVD) – Found this Brett Kelly production by accident while looking for another shark movie so I said fuck it and watched it anyway. An oil company doing some illegal drilling on a private island awakens an ancient shark and it’s hungry. A few thieves and college girls try to fend it off but die trying. The cheesiness of the plot would be well worth the watch but the terrible overacting and hideous computer shark effects make you wanna barf. Its bad folks, its real bad and that is coming from a fan of Brett Kelly films. I give it 0 stars.

 

Bad Ass 2: Bad Asses (DVD) – Old Danny Trejo runs a boxing gym to keep young kids out of trouble and just so happens to help out his neighbor Danny Glover when his store is being robbed. Word gets around some old dude beats up the thieves Andrew Divoff gets involved and forces his son to prove himself by taking the senior citizens out. Problem is the two are tough old bastards and refuse to go down easy as they take on the Argentinian nationalist (Andrew Divoff) and destroy his side business. It’s god damn Danny Trejo you know you are gonna watch it as I give it 2 ½ stars just for involving one of my favorite actors Mr. Divoff (I want another Wishmaster movie for the love of Rutger Hauer or Andrew Divoff in this case!)

 

Dead Noon (DVD) – Kane Hodder is a burned up cowboy who is keeping captive a young woman so he can tell her a boring story about a cowboy who leaves hell for revenge. Now that Frank has crossed over into present time it’s up to a couple brother sheriffs to send Frank and his minions back. I am sure Kane got paid well for his appearance but I want paid for wasting my time where a computer generated effect of a crow was even terrible in the film. Or it sucked a bag full of donkey dicks as I give it 0 stars.

 

The Greasy Strangler (DVD) – A new disturbing film that you are either gonna hate it two minutes in or laugh your ass off like I did. Otherwise you are just a bullshit artist! The story is about Big Ronnie and his son who lives together and run a celebrity disco tour (Big Ronnie’s Disco Tour) while wearing matching pink outfits. But Big Ronnie has a secret besides being one big raging boner; he is “the greasy strangler”! When Big Ronnie doesn’t have enough grease, get upset with small dick son, or just cannot have sex with his son’s new girlfriend he becomes a greasy monster and kills someone. Or at least that is what I got out of this very disturbing but funny flick. If it helps Elijah Wood makes his presence felt again as a producer… If you are a fan of Troma, ‘Slime City’, and films in that vein you watch this multiple times as I give it 3 stars.

 

Death Run (YouTube/VHS) – ‘Death Run’ is from the UK, maybe? But is better known as ‘Mutant City’ if yinz weirdos go looking for it? A young couple is thrown into a suspended animation experiment in hopes of surviving an ongoing nuclear war. They awaken 25 years later to a new world that is just a wasteland, cans of Coke don’t exist, there is lots of mutations, and the most non-threatening villain named “The Messiah” rules the wasteland. Jenny and Paul get captured but eventually escape the clutches of The Messiah but not without cost as Jenny dies making Paul and others wanting to ruin The Messiah’s famous “Death Run”. This B-flick really looks like someone had a bunch of friends and a junkyard to make an apocalyptic movie but the difference is they all were passionate about making this project happen. It’s beautiful late 80s B-movie cheese worth tracking down foe a watch and hope it makes it too DVD someday. ‘Mutant City’ I will be revisiting you again as I give you 2 stars.

the-monster

The Monster (DVD) – A slow burn creature flick that really focuses on the relationship between a troubled mother and her young daughter whose relationship is all but over. The mother hungover had promised to drive her young daughter to her father’s house but begrudgingly starts the long drive. Along the way they hit a wolf and the car stalls and gets a flat tire. The two are forced to speak to each other and call for a tow truck and paramedics. During this flashbacks explain a little more of the trouble between the two but when the tow truck arrives, the dead wolf disappears. Next thing we know Jesse the tow truck driver disappears and his arm flops on top of the car sending the two screaming for their lives in the car knowing they are not alone. The thing that is stalking them is a bad ass looking mutated gorilla/wolf/awesome practical scary ass creature that tears shit up. I really enjoyed the creature but the focus of the film the mother and daughter relationship. Plus, I believe it’s time for the “creature feature” to make a comeback and this flick will most likely make it on my ‘best of 2016 list’ as I give it 4 stars.

 

Army of One (DVD) – Dolph Lundgren is a truck driver whose partner (Ken Foree) gets shot after they are pulled over by a motorcycle cop. Taking the fall for the cop killing Dolph’s character is sent to jail but during the transfer a couple of guards decide it’s time to take their frustration out on Dolph. Dolph doesn’t want to clear his name, he wants to track down his employer who screwed him over and take the money he is owed. Along the way Dolph happens the kidnap a hot ass undercover police officer and gets into one of the best action film gunfights you will see from a 90s film. This is must see viewing for Dolph Lundgren fans as I give the film 3 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html

Episode 207 is up and we go all over the place with this one…

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We return to talk about 3 movies from the unpopular 1990’s.  First an anthology covered in slime and gore in NECRONOMICON.  Then Christopher Walken uses his power of the shushing in THE PROPHECY. Then a weirdo mish-mash of cyber punk nonsense in JOHNNY MNEUMONIC.  Also we have strange tales of Tim finding CHUD’S in Pittsburgh basements; Kyle sees the new Star Trek flick, and a metric ton of other chit chat.

 

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episode-207

Gross Movie Reviews #384

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Gross Movie Reviews #384

 

Full Eclipse (DVD) – Oh the glory of random HBO original movies… This lesser known werewolf film if you can classify it as that was released in 1993 starring Bruce Payne, Mario Van Peebles, Patsy Kensit, Dean Norris, Jennifer Rubin, and Paula Marshall. Max is a young cop who just lost his partner in a chaotic hostage takeover of a nightclub. Some time passes and his partner is back and good as new or so it seems. Meanwhile a man named Adam Garou wants Max to be part of his “special forces unit” within the police department. They help reduce crime drastically where ever Garou goes. Max not being a team player thinks something is weird and sees it in person when he is invited to a raid of a mob party where this group turns monstrous and kills all! Garou injects the team with a serum of his making that makes the team impervious to pain or being killed. One problem you are part werewolf and could go mad or become disfigured if you do not take the serum on a regular basis. ‘Full Eclipse’ is a very different twist on the werewolf genre that not many horror fans talk about plus added bonus debating if it was influenced by the ‘Wolverine’ character, just sayin? I give the werewolf film 3 stars.

 

Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves (DVD) – Let that title sink in for a minute as it is totally based on an accurate account of Alabama in 1910… Helen and family are attacked by these vicious creatures known as Nightwolves which causes her to be deaf and blind. So Helen takes upon herself to defend her small town and family against the evil creatures with some help from Barry Bostwick. The film also includes a hilarious line when Helen first meets Barry Bostwick’s character and feels his face and says, “It feels like Bruce Campbell”. This movie had me laughing from the time it began to after the credits as it takes nothing serious and that’s good in my book as I give it 3 stars.

 

Ozark Sharks (DVD/SyFy Channel) – Sharks have infested a Colorado lake and there is a dude with a Jeep Cherokee Truck that has a harpoon gun attached to it just because. Okay I will watch but I didn’t say it was good as I give it 1 star.

 

Shark Killer (DVD) – Arnold Vosloo is an unstoppable bad ass who likes diamonds and lives in South Africa. Someone screws over Vosloo and the biggest diamond on earth has been swallowed by a great white shark. The only one that can help is bootleg Chris Pratt aka Chase Walker who makes his living with sharks, sort of. His brother is the one that screwed over Vosloo and Vosloo has been shot, burned, and attacked by sharks but keeps coming. A wonderful overlooked B-movie worth watching with friends and enjoy the cheese but be entertained also as I give the flick 2 ½ stars.

 

Sharknado 4: The 4th Awakens (DVD/SyFy Channel) – It’s been five years since the last known Sharknado has hit anywhere in the world. Ian Ziering as Finn has been resting comfortable at home with his and April’s son and decides to go to Las Vegas. There is the epicenter of Tommy Davidson’s invention of a weather destabilizer and many located around the world stop the Sharknados before they ever get started until now. This time around the Sharknados get started on land and cannot be stopped as there is a snownado, firenado, radioactive Sharknado, you name the nado! Finn rushes back to Kansas to save his son but must help everyone along the way. Tara Reid returns from the aid of her father Gary Busey. David Hasselhoff returns, Lloyd Kaufman makes an appearance, horror fans get Caroline Williams from ‘TCM 2’ fame to make not one but two references to ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre’, and if that wasn’t enough Steve Guttenberg shows up with a Stephen King ‘Christine’ reference! The series is fun but as I said last time out I believe the series needs to end as I give it 2 stars.

 

2 Lava 2 Lantula (DVD/SyFy Channel) – I believe I have finally broken the computer’s spellcheck with that title? Steve Guttenberg is back as Colton and this time he has to go save his college-aged daughter in Florida as the lava spiders are attacking again. With the help of his partner Michael Winslow, Colton leaves his latest film project to find his daughter, throw out I believe a very random ‘Cocoon’ reference, and fight with Martin Kove about not waking the queen lava spider and long enough for Kove to say “sweep the leg”. The sequel still has the magic of the first film but like ‘Sharknado’ kill off the series before it becomes a shell of itself and where in the hell is the real star Michael Varrati? I give the sequel that had some awesome trailers 3 stars.

 

Spectre (DVD) – James Bond faces his own extinction and must make a choice as the demise of the “007” program is about to be finalized but for the wrong reasons. With no one to trust and being tracked by his own government James must find out why the program is about to go away but why one man is about to be given all the power of most of the world’s securities and be able to track and see anything and everything. I really enjoyed the Bond film as I thought it was a spectacular ending to the recent stretch of Daniel Craig entries. Will it be his last remains to be seen but if there is one more this has made sure we will get finally a stand-alone Bond film that has no connection to the past films. This film presents a case that Bond is still relevant as I give it 3 stars.

 

Outlaw of Gor (VHS/Comet TV) – The Professor Cabot once again returns to the world of Gor where the place he once saved is in trouble as a high priest and a cheating queen cause issues in the kingdom. The high priest is played by Jack Palance and this 1988 film has made it on many bad film lists over the years and one of the more popular episodes of MST3K among fans. For me it’s a sequel and I seen the first fantasy film so of course I needed to see this oddity as I give it 2 stars.

 

Frontier Marshal (YouTube) – As a request from a friend I watched this western to review it and glad I did. The 1939 film is all about Wyatt Earp and the O.K. Coral and put it simply influences the modern day film ‘Tombstone’ that stars Kurt Russell and Val Kilmer. It’s wild as we get to see a young John Carradine, a young Cesar Romero play Doc Holliday, and the Wolfman himself Lon Chaney Jr. playing a henchmen/paid gunman. Enough violence to make it stand out from the usual westerns of the day but its portrayal of the O.K. Coral is amazing and you understand why so many kids of that era wanted to be cowboys. I give this oldie but goodie 3 ½ stars.

Creature Feature

Creature Feature (DVD/Vimeo) – Filmmaker Chase Smith presents to you an anthology of scary stories that are being told by a group of friends trying to scare each other at a Halloween party. We have clown statues, revenge zombies, witches, scarecrow/pumpkin man, and a haunted house with a baby killer/werewolf who lives there. The group is trying to scare the shit out of each other with each story as drink more and more but who ends up scaring who is the twist. The 80s inspired anthology screams fun with its short quick stories, nudity, and gore and gives horror/Halloween themed film fans something else to look forward to watch for the upcoming Halloween holiday as I give the film 2 ½ out of 4 stars. You can found out more about the film at www.braindamagefilms.com and www.midnightreleasing.com .

 

Batman: The Killing Joke (DVD) – The comic book story of Batman and Joker of where Joker crossing the line comes to animation film land. Batman has been training Batgirl/Barbara Gordon for a few years now and things have become different at least for Batgirl. Frustrated, she goes out on her own to fight a mob boss’ son who wants to get in the head of Batgirl. Once resolved and the relationship has changed between Batman and Batgirl, The Joker has found his way out of the asylum and has big plans for Commissioner Gordon and his daughter. I enjoyed the film till the end where Batman and the Joker just laugh together instead of killing each other. I am sure there is some comic book nerds that will explain this to me but I thought someone die after Barbara Gordon was raped at gun point. I give the film 2 stars.

Hollywood Nightmare

Hollywood Nightmare (DVD/Vimeo) – Another Chase Smith film that stars Zoe Meyers as a stuck up actress Kendall Summers who thinks she is a movie star before she has become one. Kendall walks off her latest project for the weekend to get together with friends and show off her new million dollar home she just signed the papers to lease. Once there her two friends have better plans as their boyfriends show up and Kendall is forced to go to bed alone and drunk. Annoyed, Kendall keeps hearing noises all night. Next morning Kendall practicing lines for Monday’s scenes notices a shadow/a dark figure while studying the tape of her lines. When the leasing agent Sam keeps showing up unexpected, Kendall begins to question Sam about the history of the home. Sam is vague about everything as Kendall continues to hear noises, have dreams, and see a dark figure. The film is a fun thriller that runs a little longer than I like but the performance of Zoe Meyers is what makes this story work as I give the film 3 out of 4 stars. You can find out more at: www.braindamagefilms.com and www.midnightreleasing.com .

 

Reviled: Ep. 2 (Vimeo) – Filmmaker Jim Stramel continues his zombie saga that revolves around zombie pit fighting in the south. The events happen after the zombie apocalypse has come and gone and were a blimp on the social radar screen. Frank and his zombie daughter travel in their dirty van killing or crippling zombies in the illegal sport for money. But the real story is how Frank is still attached to his undead daughter and refuses to let go. This episode continues to introduce some new characters and expand the universe of this unique idea. Its dirty, has a lot of grime, a little gory, and absolutely beautiful zombie universe. My favorite part of this episode might be the kids selling bug spray for 25 cents as it is a little thing that makes it known to me that Jim Stramel takes this project seriously and make me wanting more! I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. Wanna check it out or maybe throw a few dollars Stramel and company’s way to help fund future episodes go to: www.reviledzombieseries.com .

 

Vile Prey (DVD) – Independent filmmaker Tim Novotny has a new sick horror project out there. It begins with three men doing a blood ritual of sorts but we are quickly thrown into a scene of brutality as the three men are torturing a couple during a house invasion. Credits roll… with news clips on television about murders, serial killer, and the local authorities being baffled but determined in solving these small county murders. But the three men are getting sloppy with their work and what seems just another torture movie takes a left turn when Marcus, the leader’s van has engine trouble on a dark back road. Soon they are being watched by someone with a night vision gun scope who captures Marcus. Beats him up a little, drugs him, and explains it is time for a hunt as Marcus is left disoriented in the middle of the woods. The man is named Max and he captures Marcus’ two cohorts to torture and maim them. The weird thing is Max’s brother is Dan head of the police department who knows all about what Max is doing in the middle of the dark woods. They believe in justice and covering it up so the feds believe the killer or killers are dead or captures. Novotny does a balancing act between thriller and just another torture revenge flick with ‘Vile Prey’. The film could have gone in many directions and I would not be surprised if there were several revisions of the script from Novotny as I can easily see the talented filmmaker revisiting this material again for another twisted project. ‘Vile Prey’ is somewhat brutal and interesting and shows Novotny is just getting started writing and directing wise as I give the flick 2 ½ out of 4 stars. For more info and to see the trailer check out: www.facebook.com/VilePrey .

 

Legendary (DVD) – The film is also known as ‘Tomb of the Dragon’ and stars Scott Adkins as Dr. Preston who is a cryptozoologist who is tracks down strange creatures to see if they exist or they are just mere myth. On his latest expedition one of his young assistants is killed when they find a prehistoric bear and Dolph Lundgren as Harker shoots at it wanting another trophy on his wall. Months have pass and lawsuits are piling up from Harker until a mysterious lawyer comes by the office to have Dr. Preston look into a dragon/giant lizard/croc-like creature attacking in China. The creature keeps attacking a facility that has already hired Harker to kill the creature. This is a Saturday night SyFy Channel film if I ever seen one and with Adkins and Lundgren starring in it this film was a blast as I give it 3 stars.

 

Dead Rising: Endgame (On Demand) – Jesse Metcalfe is back as Chase Carter the reporter who broke the story about Zombrex and the military and based on the video game. Two years have passed and Chase has entered the East Mission Quarantine Zone tracking his story still about the military and the zombies. The military has expanded to using drug dealers in and out of the quarantined zone in exchange for fresh subjects for experimentation. Chase gets the footage but starts the clock on the “Afterlife Project”. A fail safe for the military to kill all 1.5 million people who are infected and have the tracking devices implanted in them at the same time. Ultimately the military will release another zombie virus into the population for them to keep the experiment going. Chase with the help of his news team and his gun nut friend go through the infected city to get to the V.A. hospital to shut down the Afterlife Project from its source. Plus what is a zombie without Billy Zane as a crazy doctor experimenting on humans and zombies? A fun zombie video game adaption that goes unnoticed because it’s not called ‘Resident Evil’. I enjoyed both games but feel ‘Dead Rising’ is the superior zombie movie series thus far or until ‘Resident Evil’ gets rebooted as it needs to be? Zombie fans stop waiting for the next lame season of ‘The Walking Dead’ and live or die a little and take a chance watching these entertaining zombie flicks as I give this sequel 3 stars.

 

Alien Uprising (Blu-ray) – An alien film that is British, has Jean-Claude Van Damme for twenty minutes, and the aliens win? Okay you got my attention! Once all the power goes out and the military is fighting a losing battle against aliens a group of friends fight to survive and go visit Uncle JCVD… A little different and worth the watch for weird people like me and Jon Cross as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

This week we are joined by our podcast friend AXL of PROFONDO CINEMA

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This week we are joined by our podcast friend AXL of PROFONDO CINEMA as he stops by to lend his expert advice and to send Kyle down the path of Burt Reynolds enlightenment as he watches the stunt show HOOPER for the first time.  Also, Axl bring along a treat from the mid 80’s in the form of a stitched together anthology entitled NIGHT TRAIN TO TERROR starring Richard Moll and a bunch of naked ladies.  And Tim has discovered a new flick in which one of our favorite dudes, DOLPH LUNDGREN punches a shark in the face in SHARK LAKE.  And along the way we talk about some news stories, ramble on about what we have been watching, and ponder the whereabouts of a certain former co-host.  So have fun and listen… Jan Michael Vincent would want you to.

 EPISODE 182

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Episode 143 is up for your listening pleasure.

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This week Kyle finally gets Tim to talk about a movie he has been waiting for over 2 years to discuss. And that fine flick is GALAXY OF TERROR.  And since Kyle can’t come up with a copy of VAMP we decide to talk about something else in the Dolph Lundgren sci-fi alien drug dealer run amok I COME IN PEACE.  And as always we answer your listener questions, and talk about what we have been watching. Now download this episode and GO IN PIECES!!

 

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EPISODE 143

Gross Movie Reviews#325

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Gross Movie Reviews #325

By Tim Gross

 

In the Name of the King 3: The Last Mission (DVD/SyFy Channel) – Uwe Boll uses his endless supply of money to make another sequel to a film that no one cared about in the first place. But hey, don’t let the little things like that stop you as Dominic Purcell star in this new fantasy adventure. Purcell’s character is a hitman who is sucked into a different time/dimension of fantasy when he takes an amulet from a girl he kidnapped that just happens to match the tattoo on his wrist. Dragons, a prophet, hot warrior women, and Purcell’s character learns a life lesson before he is sent back to the future. I give it 1 ½ stars. Mr. Boll I personally would like more monster movies or horror movies since you have this endless supply of funds?

 

You’re Next (DVD) – A film that starts off innocent but soon becomes a film in the same vein as a “Funny Games”, “Strangers”, etc., you get the picture. A family who is not super rich but let’s says well off is getting together for their parents’ anniversary. The kids/adults are all older but still have sibling rivalry. But during dinner they get attack by a person or persons with arrows being shot through the windows. The movie then evolves into the family trying to survive an onslaught from unseen murder/ murderers or are they in this bloody fun film. Barbara Crampton stars which is always a plus and the only flaw of the film is you see the ending coming about ten minutes in but has its gory moments that make you happy you checked the flick out. I give it 3 stars.

 

WNUF Halloween Special (DVD) – A found footage film released by Camp Motion Pictures recently that tries to do something different with the same old concept of found footage. The film is a fake Halloween special with a séance about to happen in a haunted house in small town America. The found footage is a news broadcast that leads into the special that is on a public access channel and made to look grainy and crappy like a VHS tape would look like today if played when it recorded this special in the late 80s. The flick gets annoying quickly but what saves and makes this watchable is the commercials as they are all fake commercials that were made to fit the time frame when the special would have taken place? And for me that was a treat because I grew up watching a lot of bad cable TV and remember the bad computer repair, College Tech, love chat lines, and other bad commercials that were a product of that time. I give the film special a ½ star but the commercials 3 stars and applaud their efforts for making them.

 

Robot Ninja (VHS) – In the age of weird, horrible, obscure low budget VHS movies getting legit releases and special VHS/DVD combo releases I am very surprised there is never been any news on this relatively lesser known gory comic bookish horror film. J. R. Bookwalter’s second feature was made in four months and $15,000, a lot less than his first feature “The Dead Next Door”. The film revolves around comic book artist Lenny who is upset with his agent selling the rights of the comic to NBC for a weekly series and is now being pressured by his boss to start making the comic book more like the weekly series. This makes Lenny go over the edge and become the real life Robot Ninja after he tries to stop three individuals from raping a couple on the edge of a freeway. He has the costume made; he is taking a massive amount of drugs, it’s time for Lenny/Robot Ninja to take to the streets looking for revenge! The film is a disgustingly fun time for J.R.’s second effort. I give the movie 2 ½ stars. The film also boasts appearances from Linnea Quigley, Burt Ward, and Scott Spiegel. I remember first seeing the film in 1990 when I helped a video store order it out of the Cinema Home Video catalog.

 

Boggy Creek (DVD) – First off I tried tracking down info on this Sasquatch film to see if it was a remake or even any relation to the films of same name but I came up empty. So, the filmmakers are that good making sure there wasn’t any info linking this low budget flick and the originals or everyone doesn’t give a fuck that it was a remake? So anyway we have swamp sasquatches that have been killing males and breeding with females for about 40 years or so in the swamp and the sasquatches like eating humans. I give the flick 1 ½ stars.

mediatrix

Mediatrix (DVD) – Cory J. Udler is a filmmaker that gave us the great trilogy of “Incest Death Squad” which I highly recommend. This time around he doesn’t go too far from keeping Christianity into his storyline as a woman of the name Mary Ann Van Hook is or was a fake medium (long story). As a child she could see things but now as an adult she is busy collecting money from the local men who want to bang her in the ass! Then as a child people from all around the world would come to visit her who believed in her holy visions but it was ruined by a man of the clergy and his unspeakable unchristian-like acts. Miss Van Hook who is hooked on drugs, alcohol, and prostitution has a plan for a local woman named Carrie Brackett who still believes in Miss Hook’s powers. Miss Hook just needs to clean herself up enough to make the plan work and knows Carrie doesn’t know about Hook’s past with her husband. It is brutal, disgusting, and just so much fun to watch what Miss Van Hook will make people believe next in this tale of some people will believe anything. Thanks again Cory for a film like no other as I give it 3 out of 4 stars. You can find the film at www.incestdeathsquad.com .

 

Netherworld (DVD) – David Schmoeller directs this Full Moon film from the early days of Full Moon that I swore off after seeing it when I was in high school. So I thought it was time to give it a second chance after 20 years to see if it was still as bad as I thought it was? A man named Corey Thornton inherits an estate from a father he never knew that is in the heart of the bayou where black magic thrives, Cory’s dead father asks to be brought back from the dead, and a lot of sex stuff happens! If that wasn’t enough a witch of sorts has power of a cement hand or ‘hand of Satan’ to kill people. Surprisingly enough I made it through and thought it was better than “Demonic Toys vs. Dollman”. I give the film 2 stars.

 

Spiders (DVD) – The government and NASA are screwing around with genetically mutated spider that just happens to crash land back on earth after an experiment goes wrong. The military shows up to gather the wreckage and bodies and doesn’t know about the three young reporters who stumble upon the crash thinking aliens who hide in a truck to find out the real story. Soon spiders begin to fuck people up in an underground facility. The creature effects were done by KNB! Fun throwback flick to the sci-fi 50s as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Psycho II (DVD) – Possibly one of the most underrated sequels of all time as Anthony Perkins reprises his role as Norman Bates. Tom Holland the writer crafted an amazing story of bringing this legendary character back to the big screen. The movie now over 30 years old and still hasn’t lost its touch as Norman has been released from the criminally insane after 22 years. He returns to his home and motel with his doctor knowing he must face his fears of what happen so many years ago. Norman is older, wiser, and just wants to adjust to life in the real world again and even has a job at the local diner down the road. But soon Norman begins hearing his mother’s voice and seems to be receiving notes from her and tries to believe she is dead but some in the area still have the events of 1960 fresh in their mind and want Norman to be locked up again. Authorities keep an eye on Norman as people begin to disappear and the Bates Motel reopens under Norman’s management. The clever writing makes this film work on so many levels and Anthony Perkins lets the uncomfortable, awkward, easily excited psycho Norman Bates personality out as this movie proves he was perfect for the role. As Robert Englund for Freddy and Kane Hodder for Jason, some people are just meant to be and Mr. Perkins made the Norman Bates character so scary without effort. Do yourself a favor and rewatch this this classic sequel that I still believe doesn’t get the love it deserves as I give it 4 stars. And be sure you pay attention as there is a funny line in the film when Norman says with his straight demeanor, “I do not kill people anymore”.

 

Psycho III (DVD) – Two years go by and another sequel is born this time directed by Anthony Perkins himself as the movie picks right up from the end of part two but eventually falls apart in the end. Norman Bates still adjusting to his new life but has accepted his mother will always be with him hires a new assistant manager in Jeff Fahey and has a new tenant named Maureen. A blond that he soon lets his desire out to kill but instead saves her when he finds her trying to commit suicide in room #1 where it all began so many years ago. Norman tries to keep the inner psycho locked inside of him and tries to have a relationship with Maureen but he eventually goes mad and begins to kill again. As Norman does say “Everyone goes a little mad every once in a while”. The movie is fun and you cannot get enough of Anthony Perkins but the film seems to fall apart or doesn’t stay strong as part two in the last ten to fifth-teen minutes. I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Psycho IV: The Beginning (DVD) – Henry Thomas plays a young Norman Bates in this film where Norman Bates now trying to live a normal life away from the Bates Motel calls into a radio station to talk about mother killers. Norman tells the story of what led up to him killing his mother and why he had to keep her corpse. It may have not been the ideal finale we wanted but it is a worthy one as Anthony Perkins returns, CCH Pounder is the disc jockey Norman tells the story too, Olivia Hussey plays Norman’s mother, Mick Garris directs and John Landis is the producer of the station. I just believe Anthony Perkins knew he didn’t have much more time on this earth and wanted to give fans a film that explains the Norman character in-depth but also tie it all up. I give the film 2 ½ stars.

 

Battle of the Damned (DVD/SyFy Channel) – Dolph Lundgren is a former special forces officer who is sent into a quarantined zone in Southeast Asia where a whole city has been shut down because of a zombie outbreak. He goes in with his team to find a daughter of a CEO whose company made the viral outbreak possible. Lundgren, zombies, and robots pretty much tell you everything you need to know as the only thing that would have made the film better was a bigger budget as I give the flick 2 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews and Jagoff Massacre t-shirt but also Cannibal Campout, Woodchipper Massacre, and a Spookies T-shirts also!!!! Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews #316

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Gross Movie Reviews #316

 

By Tim Gross

 

Oblivion (DVD) – A great sci-fi/western/comedy off the beaten path type of film from Charles Band and Full Moon back in the mid-90s. It’s the year 3031 and the old west is back again with even a cyborg deputy played by the cool ass Meg Foster! A bad dude named Red Eye played by Andrew Divoff rolls into town of Oblivion for the mere reason to shoot down the town sheriff. Once done, Red Eye and his S&M sidekick Lash plan on taking over the town. The son of the sheriff learns of the news from the undertaker and returns to a town looking for a new sheriff and he believes he isn’t it as his father and he didn’t see eye to eye. Whether Zack wants to or not he must face off with Red Eye in a showdown as lives depend on it. The film has some great moments that include the night scorps and an arm wrestling event that involves a little green puppet monster. This is a film that has been forgotten by most but worth revisiting as Charles Band proved he can do other projects outside of the usual suspects: Puppet Master, Trancers, and Subspecies. The film also stars the likes of Issac Hayes, Julie Newmar, George Takei, Carel Struycken, and Irwin Keyes. I give the flick 3 stars.

 

Oblivion 2: Backlash (DVD) – The film continues the storyline of Lash still doing criminal activity but with Red Eye dead she is forced to do everything herself and the new sheriff Zack plans on keeping the town of Oblivion safe. But soon that changes when a bounty hunter played by Maxwell Caulfield flies his ship into town to arrest Lash for something she never did years ago. Zack finds himself between a rock and a hard place when he has to defend Lash but also finds out Red Eye has a brother Jaggar has just landed and wants to find Lash also. The sequel struggles to have the same fun western/sci-fi feel of the first flick and seems at times Charles Band maybe shouldn’t have stretch the storyline to a second film… But if you watched the first film you need to see the second film to see how it ends as I give the film 2 stars.

 

Gingerdead Man vs. Evil Bong (DVD) – The mish-mash flick may never have lived up to the hyped but Charles Band goes all out to market the film any way possible as I got mine in a box of cereal called “WEEDIES”! At least Full Moon veteran actress Robin Sydney (Sarah) returns; as the pretty girl who owns the bakery that brought to life the foul-mouthed cookie monster we all know and love. But Charles Band doesn’t stop there as he brings back Larnell from the “Evil Bong” series and he relives his story through flashbacks now that he owns his own Head Shop and would like to meet Sarah in order to help each other out business wise. Meanwhile the evil cookie is back and wants his revenge on Sarah but he has to go find them in the world of EEBEE the Evil Bong. Soon it builds for a face-off that just putters out than be a fun colossal fight. This film disappointed me, but shouldn’t have as Charles Band has tried mish-mash fights like this in the past and it doesn’t translate well in Full Moon movie world as I give the film 1 ½ stars.

 

The Missing (DVD) – Tommy Lee Jones stars in this supernatural western film that has him as a father to Kate Blatchett that left her years ago to pursue a dream he had that told him that he needed to leave his family. But now he is back trying to reconnect only to have it go wrong when an Indian attacks his family and kidnaps his granddaughter. But this Indian is considered a witch as he hangs snakes from trees and only believes in selling women of any color in Mexico. To be honest I totally forgot this flick but glad I got a chance to watch this film as I can see why some people even classify it as a horror film. I give it 3 stars.

Survival Quest

Survival Quest (VHS) – A great forgotten Don Coscarelli film that doesn’t get its due it deserves as Lance Henriksen plays a character named Hank Chambers who is a mountain man that helps normal people come to his camp and learn to work together, survive in the wild, and respect the world. When Hank confronts a crazed weekend warrior and he is wounded his group runs for their lives and tries to survive the crazed weekend warrior’s attacks throughout the woods and the only ones they can depend on is themselves as Hank has taught them. A great 80s adventure film that seems timeless and deserves a better fate than YouTube/VHS hell. I give the flick 4 stars and as usual prove Lance Henriksen makes everything better including having Reggie Bannister as your airplane pilot.

 

The Last Warrior (DVD) – A 9.7 magnitude earthquake separates California from the rest of the United States and Dolph Lundgren has taken it upon himself to try and restore order at his lonely armed forces compound to all who come. The film sounds better than it is just for the mere fact the film lacks budget and could have possibly been bad ass if there was a better budget for Dolph and company. I give the film 2 stars.

sucky_teen_romance

My Sucky Teen Romance (DVD) – Emily Hagins, the young filmmaker that gave us the interesting zombie flick “Pathogen” several years ago this time around tackles teens facing college, their last trip to SpaceCon, and are vampires actually real. The movie pokes fun at the recent “Twilight” films every chance it gets but also pokes fun at today’s awkward teens just trying to live their lives the way they want. Don’t let the title mislead you away from this very funny and a must watch comedy. I give it 3 stars.

 

The Fine Art (VHS) – Its Eric Stanze’s shot on video student film from 1992 and released in 1994 that revolves around an artist named Valerie that is very talented but not at love as she is very unsure of herself. Valerie goes out on a blind date at her friend’s persistence with a friend of hers and soon allows him into her world. But when Valerie peaks into his world she is disturbed and scared what could happen next, especially when her best friend brings up the Cedar Hill Slayer murders that happened last year. The film is very rough around the edges but if given a chance you can see why Eric Stanze is considered a talented filmmaker. I give it 2 stars.

 

Bounty Hunters 2: Hardball (VHS) – Michael Dudikoff and Lisa Howard are back in the sequel playing bounty hunters who get tangled up with the mob only to realize they really need to work together before both are killed. Yeah, the movie is a big bag of boring poo but with Dudikoff starring and a number 2 after the title there was no way I could pass it up. I give the flick 1 star.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Also you now can purchase the co-directed film project from Daniel Boyd and I called, “Jagoff Massacre” at www.jagoffmassacre.com . There is a sequel in the works…

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also Cannibal Campout, Woodchipper Massacre, and a Spookies T-shirts also!!!! Go towww.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews #306

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Gross Movie Reviews #306

 

By Tim Gross

 

Wrath of the Titans (DVD) – Years have passed since Perseus has fought the Kraken and people no longer believe in the great Greek gods. He now has a son and is trying to live a normal life of a fisherman. But when the God of War and the brother of Zeus decide to unleash hell on earth Zeus tries to lure Perseus out of his retirement to save what’s left of the gods and warns him what is imprisoned in Hates may destroy all human life. So Perseus with the help of the son of Poseidon go on a quest to save Zeus and humans alike. An entertaining popcorn flick but it will never be as much as the 1982 classic we all know and love as I give it 2 stars.

Blood of Redemption

Blood of Redemption (DVD) – One of the newest action films starring Dolph Lundgren as a bodyguard for a mob boss and his youngest son. The mob boss is trying to keep his youngest out of the business and soon knows the oldest is trying to make a play on running his business. On top of that Dolph gets fucked over and disappears for a short time only to reappear for revenge and revenge only! Not the best of action plots but when the film also stars Vinnie Jones, Robert Davi, and Billy Zane you know I was going to watch it just out of curiosity. I give the film 2 ½ stars.

Edge of Sanity

Edge of Sanity (DVD) – Anthony Perkins does his impression of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in this 1989 sexually violent horror film that was lambasted by the MPAA even before its release. Perkins plays the good doctor who is on the verge of something big with his experiments with cocaine. But one night after a slight mishap with his experimental monkey the drug changes Perkins into a sexually charged murderer as bodies begin to pile up around London. The film has lost a little edge 25 years later because what some horror fans have had a chance to witness. The film was quickly buried after its VHS release and was hard to find an uncut version unless you were near the one or two ma and pa video stores that actually bought it. The film deserved a better fate than it had as Perkins cements his role as one of the scariest actors in all horror films with his performance. The film would make a great partner for fans who enjoy ‘A Clockwork Orange’ and looking for something just as bold… I give the film 3 stars.

Dredd (DVD) – Karl Urban reprises the legendary comic book movie role that Sly Stallone destroyed in the big budgeted flop years ago and brings it out of the ashes with its no nonsense back to what the character was and everyone enjoyed about it. Kick ass, in your face, violent action! I felt the film was cut a little short but was an excellent comeback for a franchise that never had the chance to get off the ground in the first place with great casting of Karl Urban. I give the film 3 ½ stars.

Anthropophagus (DVD) – The brutal Italian horror film from 1980 also known as ‘The Grim Reaper’ to some here in the states has had the special DVD treatment for horror fans to enjoy in all its baby chomping glory! The film is about friends traveling by boat to an island that seems to be abandoned until they find a blind girl screaming in a barrel of blood and a story of a crazed cannibal stalking the island. Not believing her at first the friends soon become lunch and dinner for George Eastman’s famous baby munching character gorehounds will always remember. The film can be very boring and seems to have lots of random walking scenes but makes up for it till this day with its shocking and violent scenes. I give the film 2 ½ stars.

Anthropophagus 2 (VHS) – The film is most widely known as ‘Absurd’ but has several names: Horrible, Monster Hunter, The Grim Reaper 2, and Zombie 6: Monster Hunter. Joe D’Amato is back directing George Eastman in this weird sequel-not-sequel where a priest is stalking a man who has the unique ability to heal quickly and just happens to murder people for the hell of it. For the most part George Eastman plays the same exact character from the first film but without the skin condition and trying to eat people’s babies except when he spends seven minutes of screen time to bake a babysitter’s head to get to a couple of kids in their mansion. The movie is boring for big spans of time like the first ‘Anthropophagus’ but has some crazy violent death scenes that makes you as a horror fan to sit through it. I give the film 2 stars.

Star Trek: Into Darkness (DVD) – The J.J. Abrams sequel refuses to disappoint as he not only once again reinvents the Star Trek universe but stick with what made the original films good. This time young Kirk and crew are faced with an old enemy in Khan. But this time it has a different twist where Khan is just the cover for something bigger going on inside the Federation as someone is just trying to cover up the Federation is actually preparing for war more than peacekeeping missions through space. The film is once again a great sequel, prequel, remake that ends with opening all new universes of stories to be told because of its great blending of old and new characters and storyline. The new Star Trek series doesn’t just have me excited but I stand erect as hell waiting for the next film as this series for me maybe the last hope of me still paying attention to Hollywood. I give this fine sci-fi flick 4 stars and the people who don’t like it can go shove it up there asses as they have no fucking souls!

The Silencer (DVD) – A 1999 film starring Michael Dudikoff in a low budgeted version of Chuck Bronson’s ‘The Mechanic’. I give it 3 stars.

Horror Stories (DVD) – A great Korean anthology that will have American horror fans wetting their pants in happiness of getting a copy as this Asian anthology doesn’t disappoint in its four fun horror stories and wrap around. The wrap around begins with a man kidnapping a teenager because he cannot sleep and wants her to tell him a scary story to put him to sleep. The first film ‘Don’t Answer the Door’ is very creepy as it shows why kids need to make sure the door stays shut and locked. The second film is called ‘Endless Flight’ and a serial killer should never be trusted even on an empty flight to prison. ‘Endless Flight’ has a bucket of gore. The third film ‘Secret Recipe’ may be the most interesting story of the anthology as the best way I can describe is two step sisters fight over the Asian version of Hannibal Lector but they do not know that just yet… The fourth story ‘Ambulance on the Death Zone’ is a solid film but possibly the weakest if there is one of the anthology as a paramedic van stops to pick up two survivors but the doctor on board believes the child is bitten and will turn into a zombie. Mother swears she won’t and will do anything to make it back to the hospital. The anthology has its moments of gore, creepiness, and solid writing that makes it hard to not want to watch it again and give it 3 out of 4 stars. The film can be found at www.artsploitation.com .

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Also you now can purchase the co-directed project from Daniel Boyd and myself called, “Jagoff Massacre” at www.jagoffmassacre.com .

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and I talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also Cannibal Campout, Woodchipper Massacre, and Spookies T-shirts also!!!! Go towww.fastcustomshirts.com for details.