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Gross Movie Reviews #498

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Gross Movie Reviews #498

 

Rabid (On Demand/remake) – The Soska sisters take a stab at a Cronenberg classic from the 70s and do a magnificent job! Rose Miller a shy young lady works in the fashion world where her best friend is one of the models. Unbeknownst to Rose her friend Chelsea gets the cute photographer to ask Rose to a party. When Rose learns of the set up through a bathroom conversation she runs out and gets horribly mangled in a car accident. Her face looks like someone took a weed wacker to it and the doctor doesn’t have good news for Rose. Rose moves in with her friend Chelsea and has a tough time of recovery if that is what you wanna call it until she comes upon an ad for “Transhumanism”. The Burroughs Clinic does research outside of the medical boundaries in hopes of coming up with something the world could use? If Rose fits the criteria she would not have to pay anything only to give the doctor some info through follow up visits. After Rose has the experimental surgery she is better than perfect and finds herself having strange dreams. She uses these visions or dreams to start designing and her former boss loves it so much she gets the gig of all gigs with her best friend. Bad news is Rose is spreading a super rabies throughout the city without trying. Her visions may actually be something else like her carving for blood. From there the movie only gets weirder with its love letter ending to Cronenberg as I give it 3 ½ stars folks.

 

Pet Graveyard (DVD) – To be honest I was fully expecting a ‘Pet Sematary’ reboot from the UK but it is a bootleg version of ‘Flatliners’. And didn’t Hollywood already remake that or something? A daredevil by YouTube standards is flunking out of college and convinces two other people that they can visit the other side. Sounds familiar, I know I already said it. But the point is he wants the clicks and to see his dead mother because he is all depressed and shit. They reach the other side by doing some kind of stupid thing called, “Brinking”. Or as I like to call it the writer or filmmaker had an “autoerotic asphyxia” fetish? They say certain words and think of their last memory of their loved one and poof they are in the void. But we all seen this coming because of course something is coming back for your ass because you are messing with god or shit humans are not meant to understand… For that shitty bootleg of a bootleg and yes that cat at the end was wrinkled as fuck I give 1 star.

 

Omnibus of Blood (DVD) – Another recent anthology from the “Fuzzy Monkey Films” crew. It is a collection of independent blood, guts, and sleaze from filmmakers Brad Twigg and Juan Sanchez. ‘Payment Up Front’ may have been my favorite as it reminded me a lot of Trent Haaga’s ‘Deadgirl’. Just another way for these filmmakers to get their short films seen by random people like myself and that isn’t such a bad idea as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

 

Legend of the Hillbilly Butcher (DVD) – Carl Henry Jessup is a simple man who lives out in the woods alone and just hates when people trespass on his property because they just don’t have any respect. Carl loves reminiscing about the good old days but when Carl isn’t doing that he is looking for meat aka human flesh. When people trespass he hopes they are “Grade A” so he can chop them up in the basement and fry them up for dinner to feed to his woman friend Rae Lynn. But things go south real quick when Rae Lynn finds out about the secret meat. The independent film tries its ass off to have that mid to late 70s to it between how it was shot and keeping the characters interesting enough in this slow burn. It is an interesting Indy project worth checking out for 70s cinema lovers as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Evil Intent (DVD) – An older flick from one of my favorite filmmakers Glenn Berggoetz, which I haven’t had the pleasure of checking out yet. The story begins with three friends: Steph, Paul, and Kelly. Kelly is Paul’s ex-girl but claims to not have any issue with the two hooking up and making it work. Kelly has a new work friend in Tricia who is new in town but becomes best friends with the two girls very quickly as they become “blood sisters”. Steph begins to have depression issues again and forgetfulness that is starting to cause friction between Steph and Paul. Steph keeps taking the needs but nothing changes as she loses her job, sleeps all day, and depression gets worse. Paul being a trooper sticks with Steph even though it soon is not a good thing in the eyes of Kelly. The film switches moods about 3/4s the way in as the story is being told by Steph to her doctor. She goes through the details of her spiral into depression and what events happened next. I am trying not to give too much away as the movie isn’t so much a horror film as much as a solid thriller. Glenn proves even in his earlier films he is a filmmaker that should be noticed as I give the film 3 out of 4 stars.

Zombarella’s House of Whorrors (DVD) – How to best explain this is if a bootleg X-rated episode of Elvira from the late 80s/early 90s got lost and has finally appeared on DVD for the first time. The only time it aired and was unedited with all the sleaze, trailer spots, and hilarious 1-900 number ads. Zombarella of course hosts a three entertaining films that are just jam packed with gore and sleaze and for her to poke fun at including the “Mondo Bizarro”. Just keep paying attention you will understand. But the DVD also includes lots of goodies: commentary, the full Mondo Bizarro episode, deleted scenes, and more trailers from www.sovhorror.com and for that I am thankful as I give the entertaining feature 3 out of 4 stars. (Pay attention also to the trailer titles being advertised during Zombarella’s show… Hilarious shit.)

 

Bliss (Shudder) – A young woman named Dezzy who is an artist that finds a grim blessing for her ultimate project as goes into a crazy visual world of sex and drugs. Not totally sure what is real? Dezzy feels the need for more ‘Bliss’ as she breaks out of her lack of artistry no matter the cost. No words can honestly place this film into a genre as I like to explain it as “enjoy the colors” of this wackado art project and for that I give 3 stars.

 

Love Sick (DVD) – A wonderful little independent short film about a young man named Charles who kidnaps another dude named CJ because he is with his ex-girlfriend Dora. But this isn’t your normal kidnapping as Charles conjures a demon to decide which guy is best for Dora because that makes logical sense. Nothing can go wrong here as I give this funny short film 3 out of 4 stars. Check out https://www.instagram.com/markemiliosciubba/

 

Hoodie (DVD) – Zuckerman and Gordon are the neighborhood watch guys looking into the “Hoodie” gang that has recently entered their community. They find a gang member in the park after hours and call the police. But when the police say they are too busy Zuckerman believes it is a good idea to take things into his own hands. I like the premise with the ending but wish the short film would have just went a little longer as it felt like it had more story to tell? Either way, I give this short film project from www.key13film.com 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Seoul Station (Shudder) – An animated feature that just happens to be a prequel to the wonderful international zombie film ‘Train to Busan’. An old man wanders around the train station bleeding from the neck. Mostly everybody ignores because they just figure it is again another annoying homeless person. Another homeless dude down on his luck tries to get the old man medical help? By the time people take it seriously the old man has changed and walked away attacking humans. The virus spreads quickly but this is just subplot as a father is looking for his daughter in the zombie infested city. This twist in the plot is very interesting but not enough to keep this feature looking even close to watchable compared to ‘Train to Busan’ as I give it 2 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

 

Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast finally dropped three new episodes for your listening pleasure!

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This week we get into 3 more weirdo flicks.  The first being the return of Full Moon Pictures and the first of Charles Bands’ deadly ten in NECROPOLIS: LEGION.  Then we travel to Italy to cover A film by Dario Argento in Lucio Fulci’s’ THE WAX MASK directed by Sergio Stigalevetti (If that makes any kind of sense at all).  And lastly we go to the great continent of Australia for a brilliant flick NEKROTRONIC.  All this plus we have the end of football chat, the new Jay and Silent Bob joint,  Murder She Wrote, The unknown survival of The Trailer Park Boys and Tim’s rejection to it, The new Rambo flick, And more nonsensical chat than you can shake a Spookies Blu-ray at.  So download this flick or hipster vape pen will explode.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

 This time around on the show we cover 3 more fine flicks.  First we have An independent offering called CLOSE CALLS, Then we travel back in time to cover a Herschel Gordon Lewis masterpiece in THE WIZARD OF GORE. And finally we all catch up with one of the best movies from a couple years ago that none of us checked out in THE AUTOPSY OF JANE DOE.  We also chat about “Bloody Disgusting guy’s douchy tweets”, Kyle goes to the theater with dad to see the awesome 1917, Tim’s continued hatred of the SyFy Channel, And we play a new game called ” Nic Cage movie volleyball”  So download this episode or Nic Cage will steal your car.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

This week we return to cover 3 more movies we found in the gutter.  First we return to the much troubled Terminator franchise to talk about TERMINATOR: DARK FATE.  Then we check out a flick from deep inside the Philippines called VIRGINS FROM HELL.  And lastly we check out bikers vs. the establishment in the movie THE NORTHVILLE CEMETERY MASSACRE.  Also we chat about Pittsburgh basketball history,   Kobe Bryant’s death, exploding beards, Netflix series DRACULA, and we play a game called “Assemble you own Avengers style movie squad game” So download this episode or your helicopter will crash.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

“It’s Going to be a Deathly Performance”

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West Hollywood, CA (Monday, March 9th 2020) – Indican Pictures will debut Eric Liberacki’s The Lurker on DVD and Digital platforms this April. This feature is a slasher film, influenced by the Golden era of slasher films. Starring Scout Taylor-Compton (Halloween, 2007), Naomi Grossman (“American Horror Story”), Ari Lehman (Friday the 13th, 1980) and Adam Huss, this film follows several high-schoolers as they prepare a local play. A killer lurks in the shadows and the cast is in danger. With the play set to see its final curtain call, these schoolmates will need to band together, if they hope to survive this killer’s knife. The Lurker is set for pre-orders this March and will debut on April 14th, 2020 – on both Digital platforms and DVD.

Director Liberacki has talked about the film’s influences and what led him to direct The Lurker. He says of slashers: “my screenwriting always gravitated toward slasher films of that time period (’80s, ’90s).” This was the pivotal time for slashers and their many sequels. The Lurker was also a team effort: “while I was shooting the feature film the Pale Man the director, John Lerchen, gave me a copy of the script for The Lurker. After years of trying to find the right script for my thesis, I had found it.” From script-to-screeen, The Lurker debuts in just a few weeks.

The Lurker has already seen theatres. Now, Indican Pictures will show the film, throughout the United States, this April 14th. A film for horror fans and especially slasher film fans, this Restricted title will bring both mystery and murder to DVD and Digital platforms, including: Amazon Direct, Fandango Now, iTunes, FlixFling, Google Play, Redbox, VuDu and Youtube Movies. The official release trailer and poster are available here!

The official trailer for The Lurker: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tmW8OapHDro

The film’s official synopsis: A group of high school students, celebrating their final performance of Romeo and Juliet, begin to slowly disappear one at a time. As students and faculty begin to die at the hands of a savage killer, it’s a race against time for the cast to find the killer and escape with their lives or face their final curtain call.

Release Date: April 14th, 2020 (DVD, Digital).

Director/writer: Eric Liberacki.

Cast: Naomi Grossman, Scout Taylor-Compton, Ari Lehman, Adam Huss, Casey Tutton, Domenica Cameron-Scorsese, Michael Emery.

More on The Lurker at Indican: https://www.indicanpictures.com/new-releases/the-lurker-x6day

About Indican Pictures: Indican Pictures acquires and distributes feature films to a broad range of entertainment outlets by providing a diverse selection of movies across: theatrical, home video, TV, VOD, PPV and streaming platforms.

Gross Movie Reviews #497

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Gross Movie Reviews #497

 

Party Night (DVD) – In a small town where a few girls have gone missing in recent months does not stop a group of six teenagers from ditching their prom. Instead the longtime friends head out to a remote house to party one last time before they all part ways for college. There is some fun to be had at Mount Pleasant Lake and after some high school drama the killing begins. Little known fact in low budget horror films: girls missing, creepy lakefront property, teenagers drinking, and hormones do mean yinz will die. I wasn’t super impressed with the movie but I got to give Troy Escamilla for actually using actors that look the part and using teenage drama to tell the story. Was I mad I watched it, hell no it put me on notice to keep an eye out for future projects from Troy as I give it 2 stars.

 

Timesweep (YouTube) – Dunbar Film Studios is days from being demolished and the studio has been empty for a decade or two. A group of people along with a local news anchor and cameraman arrive at the building to take one last look at film history. As the group enters the building they are transported through time fighting various things and monsters. Not that you would know they were transported through time you get this through some weird side story that is explained about 50 minutes in. When you hear the explanation you totally get why no one cares about this film? But the real story is what the filmmakers used their budget on because this film had a good sum of money and it looks like none of the money showed up on screen. I give this cheap bootleg of ‘My Science Project’ a ½ star just for the mere curiosity of watching it.

A M3owy St. Patrick’s Day (DVD) – I love Steve Rudzinski as he keeps making movies that I would describe to a normal non-movie watching human and they would think I made something up! The third installment in the series picks up in 1993 where Wally’s father arrests a Leprechaun which causes a curse to be placed on Wally in present day. The curse causes Wally and his famous cat Whiskers to switch bodies. This of course means Whiskers gets to eat anything and everything and Wally is left screaming in a cat’s body! Wally’s partner Ellen, now the only functional one of the group must find the prosecutor and the judge from the 1993 case to lift the curse from all three. As usual Steve’s independent film about cats is absolutely hilarious and is a great G-rated introduction into independent film for folks who don’t watch much of it. I give Steve’s cat flick 3 ½ out of 4 stars. Go check it all out at www.silverspotlightfilms.com .

A Meowy Christmas Vacation (DVD) – Steve Rudzinski’s fourth installment picks up from the surprise ending ‘A M3owy St. Patrick’s Day’ where Wally hasn’t been home for months and for good reason. With Wally gone and Ellen still looking for the missing detective Whiskers the cat is paying the bills with funds from its “Instacat” social media posts as apparently millions are following. Meanwhile Wally greeted by an old friend in Rick (Ben Dietels) must adjust to the desolate future of 2050, lizard aliens, and everyone having an eye patch! As Whiskers continues to keep all of Wally’s pets… I mean friends calm until he is back from his long vacation. Wally teams up with the one-eyed warriors to take down Zagel the evil emperor to help prevent this horrible future and get Wally back to 2020. And there is wrestling… Oh and there is Santa Claus. Nope, I am not making this amazing funny shit up. Steve was great again, Ben Dietels was wonderful, and I can’t stop laughing when I think of this movie as I give Steve, his cat, and their friends 3 ½ out of 4 stars. Go check it all out at www.silverspotlightfilms.com .

 

World of Death Volume One (Blu-ray) – A wonderful collection of independent short films from all over the world that even has ‘The Muck’ from Tony Wash. Plus this collection also includes one of the best short films out there that I still laugh at in ‘Invaders’ that involves poor judgment by two would be criminals. The surprise short film from this collection though might be ‘Permanent Press’ about a demon in a Laundromat that has possessed a dryer! Not a bad one in the bunch and there is like 30 in this collection so enjoy as I give the anthology 3 ½ stars. Check out www.wodfilm.com if you dare.

 

Frames of Fear (DVD) – Another independent anthology that involves six films introduced by a character named Festering Frank played by acting vet George Stover. All the films had this nostalgic 90s independent DV feel to me and that is a good thing. But the two short films that stood out for me had to be the one where the guys go digging up rare VHS tapes and one zombie comes for them. And of course ‘Wrestlemassacre’ short was just fucking hilarious if you are a 80s wrestling fan. All solid efforts here as I give anthology 2 ½ stars.

 

Brutality (DVD) – An anthology sequel to ‘Frames of Fear’ as it was also titled ‘Frames of Fear 2’. But anyway Festering Frank is back from the dead again to introduce four new tales from Nathan Hine, Brad Twigg, John Ward, Jim Roberts, and Mike O’Mahony with a wraparound story involving Festering Frank. The two stories ‘The Last Days of Livermore’ and ‘What’s Wrong with Mom?’ were ones I have seen in the past but the other two short films are also pretty solid as we get a killer Santa in a storage unit building. And we get some fucked up baby death going down that may have a hidden message to it… or not. Anyway I give this independent anthology sequel 3 stars.

 

VFW (On Demand) – For the love of John Carpenter thank you Joe Begos for making this idea exist! A new drug called “Hype” has hit the streets and screwing up people quicker than ever before. The drug is making zombies or “Hypers” out of people and tearing cities down. Boz is a drug lord who is about to have a huge deal go down and kills the wrong strung out girl as her sister Lizard takes it personally and steals his stash. Nowhere to run Lizard busts into an old VFW where some old vets are just having their daily drink, watch old videos of women exercising, and telling war stories. A couple of drugged out punks follow her in and that was a big mistake as they attack one of the vets. The old vets take care of the trash pretty quickly in a brutal way. This is where the chaos or war begins as the vets must defend the post and themselves from the onslaught of strung out punks because Boz wants his stash no matter what. This film is absolutely FUCKING AWESOME! The casting of Stephen Lang, Fred Williamson, William Sadler, George Wendt, Martin Kove, and David Patrick Kelly as the war vets is perfect. This is my new ‘Assault on Precinct 13’ as I give possibly 2020s best film of the year 4 stars all the way. I will be watching this flick at least once a year.

 

Guns Akimbo (On Demand) – Daniel Radcliffe continues his pick of odd film roles (but we cinema fans love it) where he plays a nerdy character “Miles” who provoked people online who run a game on the dark web called “Skism”. After meeting the man who created it in Miles’ apartment he is knocked out and awakes with guns bolted to his hands. Miles has 24 hours to kill the “Skism” game champion “Nix” played by Samara Weaving. The movie is bonkers in a good off the rails ‘Hardcore Henry’ way as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Lunatic! (DVD) – A short film that runs a little over 38 minutes about two dudes doing a weekend of camping with just the basics. The survival trip includes no cell phones and Scott and Dave are being stalked by an unknown masked maniac. Dave thinks it is a male bonding trip but soon finds out Scott brought him there because Scott has heard about the disappearances in the wooded area and his sister was the latest to disappear. I liked what Erik Vada did with a simple story and how the two characters developed over time. I would have liked it to be a little shorter or get a little more into why this killer exists but hey cannot be too picky as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Low Road (Vimeo) – A Michael McCallum short film that involves a man who is very precise on how to take his revenge for the death of his woman. I give 3 out of 4 stars and don’t forget to check out www.rebelpictures.net .

 

Breaking Wheel (Vimeo) – Another short film from the talented Michael McCallum that involves woman named Nancy who spends months distraught and in disbelief after the disappearance of her boyfriend. Trying to understand the why, what, and how she visits his last destination. As usual great casting, great story, and the shots look perfect as I give this short 3 ½ out of 4 stars and don’t forget to check out www.rebelpictures.net .

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

Three new books have just been released!!!

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All now available online at www.lulu.com and I will have copies at Cinema Wasteland and Grossfest… Possibly a couple other small shows later this year! This shit will make your brain melt most likely so ENJOY! And yes Thomas Berdinski I told you I was writing three books.

Grossfest 3 Movie list announcement!

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Grossfest 3

July 25th, 2020 Saturday Movie List

(Vendor areas open at 11am and close 7pm that day)

 

“So why not start your day with a quick Grossfest workout?”

Hexercise – 11:05 – 11:25am

 

“Then the movie room really gets going!”

Suck Fest – 11:30 – 12:25pm

Circus of the Dead – 12:30pm – 2:45pm (1 hour and 45 mins with 30 min Q and A afterward with Billy Pon and Bill Oberest Jr.)

Do Not Disturb – 2:50 – 4:20pm

Grossfest award for short film – 4:30pm – 6:35pm

Grossfest award for feature film

And Grossfest lifetime achievement award

A M3owy St. Patrick’s Day and a special Steve surprise –

6:40 – 8:00pm (Steve Rudzinski intro)

Spirit Animal- 8:05- 9:25pm (Maddie Deering intro)

Blood Freak – 9:30 – 10:45 pm (Daniel Boyd intro)

We close the movie room at 11pm and of course movies are subject to change!

SO FILMMAKERS WE ARE STILL LOOKING FOR BEST FEATURE AND BEST SHORT FILM. SUBMISSIONS WILL BE TAKEN TILL JUNE 1ST SO CONTACT ME. THERE IS NO FEE , I JUST NEED A PHYSICAL COPY TO ENTER!

TERROR FILMS has set a release date for the long gestating 80’s horror film The Torment of Laurie Ann Cullom.

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Los Angeles, CA (February 26th, 2020) – TERROR FILMS has set a release date for the long gestating 80’s horror film The Torment of Laurie Ann Cullom. 

Inspired by actual events, director Mark Dossett’s critically acclaimed indie horror film is set to debut on digital platforms this March 2nd, 2020. The film, which first began its festival run in 2014, has been praised by horror critics.

Morbidly Beautiful stated, “The Torment of Laurie Ann Cullom is an extremely satisfying watch. It’s a well-made horror film with a well-placed nod to Halloween, a villain who resembles Kane Hodder and a great soundtrack and musical score that effectively represent the era. There are creepy moments, scenes that are hard to watch and a well-paced build-up of events all surrounding a sympathetic lead character. That’s what makes this film such a great watch for horror fans.”

This sentiment was shared by fellow genre critics including by Horror Fuel who called the film – “one of the best slasher movies of the year” – and Horror Society who proclaimed the film was “a triumph for old school horror”.

When asked why he waited so long to distribute his feature film debut, director Mark Dossett had this to say: “I had four previous distribution offers before signing with Terror Films. I had everything from one distributor telling me they didn’t like the name of the film and they would figure it out once I signed. Another one quoted me on the phone their recoupable expense amount and then when the contract was sent, it was double that amount. So, at the end of the day, it all came down to trust. I didn’t trust any of them. After talking with Joe, I realized he and his staff were also indie filmmakers and that we would work together on everything from the poster to the trailer. That gave me the trust that I didn’t have with the others to go ahead and sign with Terror Films.”

The release will span over several months as it becomes available across digital platforms. Digital platforms hosting the film include: Prime Video, Tubi TV, Google Play and many others. In advance of the release, TERROR FILMS is debuting the newly revised trailer and poster here.

Official Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o0Gp5Bdu-_s

A downloadable version: https://app.box.com/s/o28se1q2tiv3zcyfk2fem9x4x2xvbql9

To Learn more about Terror Films visit: www.terrorfilms.net

https://www.facebook.com/TerrorFilmsLLC/

Two new books I just had published and awaiting for you to read!

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Just do yourself the favor and check them out!

http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-guide-to-the-massacre-films/paperback/product-24420785.html

http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/tales-from-the-gross-side-iii/paperback/product-24420668.html

Look at that another new Bloodbaths and Boomsticks episode is up!

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This week we return and offer up our opinions on 3 more fine flicks.  First John chats about an all-time classic that Kyle has never ever seen in FRANKENHOOKER.  Next we have a Tim Gross picked independent joint in DISMEMBERING CHRISTMAS.  And finally Kyle picks the new Martin Scorsese gangster flick THE IRISHMAN; also, we celebrate the demise of Tom Brady and playoff chat. Kyle gets obsessed with a Cops marathon on New Year’s. Tim finds weird movies on Tubi TV.  And we as always answer your questions and read all your mail.  So download this episode if you wanna date.

 

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Gross Movie Reviews #494

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Gross Movie Reviews #494

 

Necropolis: Legion (On Demand) – Being a Full Moon fan I was very surprised they were reviving or reimaging this lesser known Empire Pictures film from the 80s. With Chris Alexander involved I had some high hopes going in… The movie begins with huge naked boobied women celebrating Satan. Hundreds of years into the future a female author who writes about the ‘dark unknown’ stays at an old farmhouse for her next project. Accidentally cutting her foot and bleeding into the wooden floor she conjures the witch that killed the original farmhouse owner. Now Eva the evil witch haunts the young author. Sorry Chris as much as I respect you this project was bad. It was uneventful and really doesn’t hold a torch to the original which wasn’t something of an accomplished film. If this was a short film… 15 minutes, okay I can see but 60 minutes of agony of an author who wants to be Goth but really isn’t. Nope, next time pass on the project my friend. I do not think the actress was bad as I believe there was nothing to work with as I give this new Full Moon project 0 stars and that is being kind. Sorry Chris I still respect you but this was a bad decision.

 

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark (DVD) – Well it is Halloween 1968, and three kids are out for their last Trick or Treat. This year they have a plan to get back the older kids who have messed with them in past Halloweens and that is to let them bag snatch them only to find out too late they have been ‘shit bombed’. Great prank! On the run the three younger kids find a new friend in Ramone at a drive-in who protects them. They convince him it would be a cool idea to check out the local haunted house that may have been owned by a child murderer? They get trapped in Sarah Bellows bedroom by the high school kids and while trying to find a way out they find Sarah’s “Book of Stories” and Stella reads it. Thus reading it causes new stories to be written and Stella’s friends dying one by one.  It is up to Stella to figure out how to release Sarah Bellows’ ghost or she is next. If you like “Goosebumps” you will enjoy this as I give it 2 ½ stars.

The Autopsy of Jane Doe (DVD) – So a body is brought into a family morgue that was found at a house of murdered people. No cause could be found but when investigating they find a body of a young woman in the basement dirt floor and police want answers. The morgue is the Tilden Morgue, family owned. And they believe in doing the job right but this young lady had no I.D. or idea of what she truly died from. As they begin the autopsy and begin to find weird shit with the body, weird shit begins to happen around them. As they go deeper into the autopsy the father/son duo soon figure out they are being haunted and there is no real way out of this terror. Interesting, different, and well worth checking out as I give it 3 stars.

 

The Wizard of Gore (DVD) – Holy balls I forgot how weird this H.G. Lewis flick was as it is about Montag the Great who is a magician who is the master of illusions… maybe. A highly rated morning TV show host and sports writer boyfriend take in a show where Montag clearly kills a woman on stage but she is perfectly fine when the illusion is over. But later that night the same woman shows up slaughtered at a restaurant. Is it magic? An illusion? How Montag does this? Over and over the couple go back to try and part the pieces together that attach Montag and the recent so-called murders. It loses steam watching it now but was a perfect Midnight flick or Drive-in flick at the height of those pop cultures. I give the film 2 ½ stars.

 

Close Calls (DVD) – A Richard Stringham low budget flick that doesn’t look low budget at all. It stars a wonderful actress named Jordan Phipps who is Morgan, a rich family teenager who has been grounded by her father for foolin’ around with her boyfriend. She decides with no phone and nowhere to go it is time to get super high. This sets the tone for the over two hour film as she is supposed to be taken care of Grandma in the attic which is just weird in itself. But Morgan begins to receive obscene phone calls and begins to see her dead mother. If that wasn’t enough as she begins to trip balls she gets rape by a so-called friend, tied up dad’s friend, her Grandma doing weird shit, and her Dad’s friend trying to kill her. Now the movie looks beautiful, the music is awesome, the actress is awesomely talented, and the film is weird. Great, but the film is over two hours long which could have done so much better without the father and his girlfriend scenes and Morgan she have been dead within the first 15 minutes of the movie with all the drugs she done. If you enjoy it more power to you, right or wrong for me it just didn’t add up and shouldn’t have been over 85 minutes as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

 

Virgins from Hell (DVD) – An Indonesian film from 1987 that some of yinz may know as “Maidens Revenge”. A crazy ass film that begins with a gang of women who bring down a mob-owned casino because two sisters want revenge against a crime syndicate. Supposedly this crime syndicate killed their parents and now uses their huge house and property for prostitution and drug trafficking. These two sisters come up with this plan to go kick ass only to be captured, tortured, and eventually escape to kill everyone involved. All the music is stolen from other American films and the raid of Mr. Tiger and his torture house at the end is completely over the top hilarity as I give this greatness 3 stars.

Tromasterpiece Theatre Presents – Poutrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead (DVD) – Addison Binek as the bored movie theater employee is back again with his two sidekicks to riff on the popular Troma musical “Poutrygeist”. A film that tackles the fast food industry that only Troma can only do where a chicken shack is built on top of an Indian graveyard and the spirits are upset and haunt the business. Leave it to Addison to riff on an already funny ass flick and make it that much better! Addison Binek is absolutely brilliant in his effort to riff on this popular Troma film. This latest project from the talented Mr. Binek makes me believe more than ever that he would make an excellent heir to the Troma Empire. Laugh, cry, and watch again the latest from the amazing Addison Binek as shame on you for not supporting this effort as I give it 4 out of 4 stars.

 

Rave Party Massacre (DVD) – A 2017 film set in 1992, three days after the presidential election and a huge ‘Dead Thirsty’ rave party is going down. A few party goers pass out from the extreme partying and find themselves locked in the abandoned hospital it took place in. Now they must fight for their lives as it is all for ‘The New World Order’. I get the concept and like the location that yinz got for this movie but the body count was near non-existent. The cast had like seven people and four of them died. If it is going to be a rave and a massacre you need to have more dead people as I give it 1 star.

 

Raiders of the Sun (DVD) – Leave it to me to trip across another post-apocalyptic flick from the Philippines that have two factions fighting over gunpowder in a future world. Now a rebel must protect a village of unarmed people who have mined a shitload of gunpowder. Not missing much here folks in this 1992 feature as this is a bottom of the barrel bore fest as I give it 1 star.

 

Deadman Apocalypse (DVD) – A small military group is sent into a labyrinth to search for water since the earth is just about dead. They get separated and ten years pass where there is some kind of weird low budget housing going on in this labyrinth. Now let me stop you here because this isn’t so much bashing the film as much as asking a legit question: Where did they get the fucking food to survive down there in those endless tunnels for ten years or am I just crazy? I give it 0 stars until this can be answered legitimately.

 

Return to… Return to Nuke ‘Em High aka Vol. 2 (Blu-ray) – Like most Troma fans I waited, I asked, I wondered when in the Rutger Hauer this sequel was going to be released? Well the wait is over as we find out the fate of Lauren and Chrissy and the weirdness in the school girls’ shower that left us hanging. Lauren gives birth to a mutant duck and the principal threatens to expose Chrissy and Lauren as ‘out of the closet’ unless Chrissy takes down her blog about Tromoganic Foodstuffs. But the two figure out how to turn the media against the principal which causes chaos: The new Cretins takeover, a mutated mess kills Melvin, and along the way Kevin the Mutated Duck grows into a huge hideous being to help the girls defeat the Cretins. I give kudos to Lloyd Kaufman understanding it took too long for this sequel to come out and understand people like me might find it underwhelming. Was it horrible? No… it wasn’t I think I am just that big of a fan of the original but enjoy Lloyd seeing the humor in it as I give it 2 stars.

 

Northville Cemetery Massacre (DVD-R) – A motorcycle gang rolls into a small town with a hitchhiker to just hang out and have fun. Of course the local authorities are not happy and trying to bring the man down even though they haven’t done anything. The gang continues their harmless antics even after two of their own get married but that is where it stops being fun when they are accused wrongly of rape. A young couple who hung with them gets caught by a dick cop in a farmhouse. Dude gets knocked out; his woman gets raped and she is told not to say anything. Meanwhile the dick cop convinces daddy the only way for justice is to go all “Death Wish” on them with a rifle. This bloody battle all goes down at the Northville Cemetery between Daddy, cop, and a hunter vs. The Spirits in a wonderful shootout climax! Another drive-in classic that needs to be talked about for all to see again as I give it 3 ½ stars.  

 

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