Gross Movie Reviews #498

 

Rabid (On Demand/remake) – The Soska sisters take a stab at a Cronenberg classic from the 70s and do a magnificent job! Rose Miller a shy young lady works in the fashion world where her best friend is one of the models. Unbeknownst to Rose her friend Chelsea gets the cute photographer to ask Rose to a party. When Rose learns of the set up through a bathroom conversation she runs out and gets horribly mangled in a car accident. Her face looks like someone took a weed wacker to it and the doctor doesn’t have good news for Rose. Rose moves in with her friend Chelsea and has a tough time of recovery if that is what you wanna call it until she comes upon an ad for “Transhumanism”. The Burroughs Clinic does research outside of the medical boundaries in hopes of coming up with something the world could use? If Rose fits the criteria she would not have to pay anything only to give the doctor some info through follow up visits. After Rose has the experimental surgery she is better than perfect and finds herself having strange dreams. She uses these visions or dreams to start designing and her former boss loves it so much she gets the gig of all gigs with her best friend. Bad news is Rose is spreading a super rabies throughout the city without trying. Her visions may actually be something else like her carving for blood. From there the movie only gets weirder with its love letter ending to Cronenberg as I give it 3 ½ stars folks.

 

Pet Graveyard (DVD) – To be honest I was fully expecting a ‘Pet Sematary’ reboot from the UK but it is a bootleg version of ‘Flatliners’. And didn’t Hollywood already remake that or something? A daredevil by YouTube standards is flunking out of college and convinces two other people that they can visit the other side. Sounds familiar, I know I already said it. But the point is he wants the clicks and to see his dead mother because he is all depressed and shit. They reach the other side by doing some kind of stupid thing called, “Brinking”. Or as I like to call it the writer or filmmaker had an “autoerotic asphyxia” fetish? They say certain words and think of their last memory of their loved one and poof they are in the void. But we all seen this coming because of course something is coming back for your ass because you are messing with god or shit humans are not meant to understand… For that shitty bootleg of a bootleg and yes that cat at the end was wrinkled as fuck I give 1 star.

 

Omnibus of Blood (DVD) – Another recent anthology from the “Fuzzy Monkey Films” crew. It is a collection of independent blood, guts, and sleaze from filmmakers Brad Twigg and Juan Sanchez. ‘Payment Up Front’ may have been my favorite as it reminded me a lot of Trent Haaga’s ‘Deadgirl’. Just another way for these filmmakers to get their short films seen by random people like myself and that isn’t such a bad idea as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

 

Legend of the Hillbilly Butcher (DVD) – Carl Henry Jessup is a simple man who lives out in the woods alone and just hates when people trespass on his property because they just don’t have any respect. Carl loves reminiscing about the good old days but when Carl isn’t doing that he is looking for meat aka human flesh. When people trespass he hopes they are “Grade A” so he can chop them up in the basement and fry them up for dinner to feed to his woman friend Rae Lynn. But things go south real quick when Rae Lynn finds out about the secret meat. The independent film tries its ass off to have that mid to late 70s to it between how it was shot and keeping the characters interesting enough in this slow burn. It is an interesting Indy project worth checking out for 70s cinema lovers as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Evil Intent (DVD) – An older flick from one of my favorite filmmakers Glenn Berggoetz, which I haven’t had the pleasure of checking out yet. The story begins with three friends: Steph, Paul, and Kelly. Kelly is Paul’s ex-girl but claims to not have any issue with the two hooking up and making it work. Kelly has a new work friend in Tricia who is new in town but becomes best friends with the two girls very quickly as they become “blood sisters”. Steph begins to have depression issues again and forgetfulness that is starting to cause friction between Steph and Paul. Steph keeps taking the needs but nothing changes as she loses her job, sleeps all day, and depression gets worse. Paul being a trooper sticks with Steph even though it soon is not a good thing in the eyes of Kelly. The film switches moods about 3/4s the way in as the story is being told by Steph to her doctor. She goes through the details of her spiral into depression and what events happened next. I am trying not to give too much away as the movie isn’t so much a horror film as much as a solid thriller. Glenn proves even in his earlier films he is a filmmaker that should be noticed as I give the film 3 out of 4 stars.

Zombarella’s House of Whorrors (DVD) – How to best explain this is if a bootleg X-rated episode of Elvira from the late 80s/early 90s got lost and has finally appeared on DVD for the first time. The only time it aired and was unedited with all the sleaze, trailer spots, and hilarious 1-900 number ads. Zombarella of course hosts a three entertaining films that are just jam packed with gore and sleaze and for her to poke fun at including the “Mondo Bizarro”. Just keep paying attention you will understand. But the DVD also includes lots of goodies: commentary, the full Mondo Bizarro episode, deleted scenes, and more trailers from www.sovhorror.com and for that I am thankful as I give the entertaining feature 3 out of 4 stars. (Pay attention also to the trailer titles being advertised during Zombarella’s show… Hilarious shit.)

 

Bliss (Shudder) – A young woman named Dezzy who is an artist that finds a grim blessing for her ultimate project as goes into a crazy visual world of sex and drugs. Not totally sure what is real? Dezzy feels the need for more ‘Bliss’ as she breaks out of her lack of artistry no matter the cost. No words can honestly place this film into a genre as I like to explain it as “enjoy the colors” of this wackado art project and for that I give 3 stars.

 

Love Sick (DVD) – A wonderful little independent short film about a young man named Charles who kidnaps another dude named CJ because he is with his ex-girlfriend Dora. But this isn’t your normal kidnapping as Charles conjures a demon to decide which guy is best for Dora because that makes logical sense. Nothing can go wrong here as I give this funny short film 3 out of 4 stars. Check out https://www.instagram.com/markemiliosciubba/

 

Hoodie (DVD) – Zuckerman and Gordon are the neighborhood watch guys looking into the “Hoodie” gang that has recently entered their community. They find a gang member in the park after hours and call the police. But when the police say they are too busy Zuckerman believes it is a good idea to take things into his own hands. I like the premise with the ending but wish the short film would have just went a little longer as it felt like it had more story to tell? Either way, I give this short film project from www.key13film.com 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Seoul Station (Shudder) – An animated feature that just happens to be a prequel to the wonderful international zombie film ‘Train to Busan’. An old man wanders around the train station bleeding from the neck. Mostly everybody ignores because they just figure it is again another annoying homeless person. Another homeless dude down on his luck tries to get the old man medical help? By the time people take it seriously the old man has changed and walked away attacking humans. The virus spreads quickly but this is just subplot as a father is looking for his daughter in the zombie infested city. This twist in the plot is very interesting but not enough to keep this feature looking even close to watchable compared to ‘Train to Busan’ as I give it 2 stars.

 

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