Monthly Archives: March 2026

Gross Movie Reviews #700

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Nightmares Unleashed (DVD) – The newest project to come out of MMH Productions where this kind sir goes out of their comfort zone to bring something I would perhaps call “Fantasy horror”. A young woman has just gotten a new VHS tape called ‘Cult of the Scarecrow’ and quickly finds herself sucked into the movie by an evil jester called, “Joseph the Clown”. At first being a huge horror fan the young woman believes it is just wild to be standing near the cult members and be in the movie but then it all becomes too real as the cult members want a virgin! She is saved for now by a young man Matthew who has been looking for his sister. Together Raven and Matthew must cross several movies to fight off witches, zombies, tree monsters, a demented scientist, vampires, a summer camp killer, and a fun house to escape Joseph as he has created in this movie world a prison for him to play with people who watch these obscure horror films. Raven and Matthew’s goal becomes saving the kids to defeat Joseph but that only sounds good in theory. The project dares to be totally different, has a ‘Funnyman’ kind of vibe to it, and the Joseph the clown character keeps the film creepy yet alluring at the same time and for that I gotta give this interesting piece of cinema 3 out of 4 stars.    

Deathboard (DVD) – This 2020 Brad Twigg horror film may have gotten overlooked as a lot of projects did during that year revolves around a young woman buying a beautiful house cheap. Once a group of friends come over to help celebrate she lets them in on how she got it so cheap and couldn’t pass it up. As she explains the house used to be the home of a brutal psycho four years ago but has since passed. Of course Val and friends go investigate the basement that even when buying no one looked at? But they find an Ouija board and kiddingly try to conjure the spirit of the brutal killer of Psycho Cyrus. After a scene of pizza eating, dealing with sexual harassment pizza guy, too much drinking, too much sharing about their sexual encounters, we get to the good stuff as the killer wastes no time slaughtering their way through the friends. But wait there is more… what comes with this cool little project is not just the great ‘Slumber Party Massacre’ and ‘Sorority Babes in the Slime Bowl-O-Rama’ vibes but a cool ending that ties some things together as I gotta give this little known Indie feature 3 out of 4 stars.

Creep Footage 3: ‘Night Nurse (DVD) – Didn’t even see the first two films, hell didn’t know they existed but when did that ever stop me from watching sequels out of order? Anyway, this 23 minute short that is done like a cool History channel-style documentary of sorts about a character ‘Nurse Candy’. This said Nurse Candy who interacts with a dangerous patient ‘Apple’ in asylum is the direct cause of an evil event Halloween 1988. The person Apple was already a danger but the actions of Nurse Candy led this Apple character to an evil night of bloodshed. Documentary, found footage stuff I will leave it to you what you think but great people involved with the short and glad a great young actor pointed it out to me as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

The Priest: Thanksgiving Massacre (Tubi) – You know me kids if I am not tracking down Amityville flicks I gotta keep that ‘massacre’ list going as many years ago a priest commits a terrible sin then doubles down on it by committing suicide. Now present day a family is spending an awkward holiday at a secluded cabin in the woods together. We learn because of dad’s porn star girlfriend using the steam room too much it awakens the undead priest from under the floor boards of said cabin. They all believe it is the son trying to be creepy and watch his sister undress in the crawlspace even though he finds the journal of the undead priest. But it is all set into motion as this undead bastard can smell sin in the air! Once after the journal is found and looks like this film is going to be a lot of awkward fun it comes to a screeching crawl of waiting for this undead bastard to kill them all which of course doesn’t happen. People yinz had something here and yinz let go to waste as this was barely a massacre so I can only give it 1 star.

Amityville Aliens (DVD) – So entry #77 has come into our lives as a 75 minute project that is a project that featuring shorts put together in a way that connects to Amityville? The film begins with legendary Donald Farmer intro that leads into the films we are about to watch were confiscated from a Black Ops shelter in New Mexico about alien encounters in Amityville, New York. The first short takes us into a post-apocalyptic war between aliens and residents of Amityville. The second short film is Martian Girl Massacre which is a delightfully gooey mess about a young woman being possessed by a giant pink alien in the backyard that causes her to slaughter friends in return her prize is being slaughtered horribly by the alien. Third short film is a black and white throwback where Galactic Samurai Schoolgirls visiting Amityville to gather men but instead find some mobster underlings. The fourth short film takes place in 1928 Amityville where an older woman and her shotgun have an encounter with a stop motion werewolf in armor. Oh by the way nevermind the Miller High Life box you’ll see in the cupboard at the beginning, remember its 1928… The fifth short comes off as an old paranormal public access show tackling aliens in Amityville and they reveal the main cause of the horror in Amityville is the space fungus in the soil? This entry is quite entertaining, hell hilarious at times but two things here: first I would have arranged these shorts very differently because I would have ended the project with the post-apocalyptic short instead of opening the film with it. This just throws off the vibe of watching these “so-called” confiscated films plus I felt that project was a terrible lead into Martian Girl Massacre which is a fun watch on its own. Second the two highlights that will have Amityville fans clamoring for more are the Martian Girl Massacre and Galactic Samurai Schoolgirls. These two projects are the most polished but most importantly felt like they were the most versatile as they could be put out there in the world on their own but at the same time they fit perfectly into an Amityville space anthology. I would go as far as maybe these two projects overshadow the others but hey I just review these things as I give entry #77 into the series 2 ½ out of 4 stars. P.S. you can always send me your Amityville arguments or comments.

Bionic Ninja (YouTube) – Well apparently someone was bored again on social media as they declared “this movie is the worst of all time”. Of course you now have my attention just because of the title but I hate when people do this because I hate to say it “you are usually wrong”. It’s just an opinion kids. This 1986 film has a secret tech film stolen in Hong Kong that has the KGB and CIA fighting over possession of it. Sadly there aren’t any cyborg ninjas but there is a bunch of non-stealthy ninjas employed by the KGB who want the film. Beginning to end it is filled with ninjas, fights, car stunts, and even the Miami Vice theme song?! Even though the whole film is based on which world power will get this secret it feels like this film was all about random ninjas being non-stealthy unlike some of the other early 80s ninja films that are classics. Sorry kids go back to social media claim some other bullshit because this movie was far from being the worst as I found it quite entertaining at times as I give it at least 2 stars. Also have yinz ever watched Hereditary? Now there is at least an argument to throw out there on your Google machines…

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!  

Gross Movie Reviews #699

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Amityville Corndog (YouTube) – So entry #76 became a thing recently as this short film from filmmaker Blaize Tudor stars some talented folk in Mel Heflin and Ralph Rey along with Blaize himself. A group of friends have a get together one weekend and of course a friend has brought the Ouija board to play! Using the board of death the group brings forth the spirit of a killer corndog as one by one they become victims of said corndog. Yes it is completely absurd and I love it as this short film into the series gets 3 out of 4 stars.

Project Genesis (Tubi) – Holy ballsacks people this movie goes all over the place for well over two hours. So this dude that isn’t from around this village, an outsider in 1992 disrupts a ritual overnight that allows dead bodies to fall from the sky. Fast forward to 2023, Stella the small child who went looking for her outsider daddy has a daughter of her own with nowhere to live. As her mother has fallen ill Stella heads back home as she is asked to go looking for her missing father who screwed shit up? With an old radio Stella is able to contact her father once a year according to her mother as once in contact that’s when shit gets completely confusing and wild. There is time travel, zombies, dinosaurs destroying cities, portals, these weird rings, dimension jumping all because the C.I.A. wanted the tech of course in this crazy ass and good luck Thai film I can only give 2 stars too.

Fatal Desires (Tubi) – Wow, Sean Donohue, a super talented filmmaker out of Florida digs in the bag of throwbacks (when the Skinamax existed) to pull out a sexually charge thriller we haven’t seen since the early 90s. A very beautiful couple is having sexual issues as they agree to employ a high end therapist to help them with their troubles. The therapist turns the tables on them as she tries to earn their trust and attempts to seduce both for her own devious reasons. In the end as the couple is full of sex and regret the therapist is able to lead the couple down a dark road against each other. This feature will surely not be for everyone but Mr. Donohue does his best to remind those of us that remember those days of the erotic thriller there is still great stories to be told especially when you have an all-star Indie cast to help pull it off. For that I give the feature 3 out of 4 stars.

Members Club (Tubi) – This horror comedy out of the UK is something I absolutely heard nothing about but glad I gave it a chance as the feature opens with a park sign reading “No Dogging”… I was hooked immediately! Quickly we are introduced to a group of male strippers who have aged out of the profession but refuse to stop. Their brilliant name for the group is “Wet Dreams”! Wet Dreams is offered a gig of the lifetime as it is a sold out venue as its unlikely they are going to have an opportunity like this again to perform in front of a sold out crowd. All are drugged before the show and quickly are told they are sacrifices for an evil ritual to bring forth an old witch that is looking for revenge hundreds of years later. Things don’t exactly go according to plan as the strippers must fight the witch in order to escape the terror in this somewhat gory and uncomfortable fun feature as I give it 2 ½ stars.

The Sound of Horror (YouTube) – So recently I watched a newer horror film called ‘Invisible Raptor’ as someone pointed out there was an older Spanish flick that did the concept first. So I went down the wormhole to go find this 1966 b-flick where an archeologist and friends go treasure hunting in a mountain that has urban legends about it. The locals fear the mountain but that doesn’t stop this group from digging away to find a petrified egg and a mummy thus disturbing the invisible dinosaur that roams inside the mountain. The group must make the hard decision to either leave or die trying to find the so called legendary treasure as I give the film 2 stars.

Movies to Watch on a Rainy Afternoon: Christmas Special (Blu-ray) – The entertaining and talented Addison Binek is back at it again as he brings forth a collection of his famous holiday cheer episodes to a better format for fans. As Mr. Binek refers to himself as “Addy Claus” goes the road of the usual holiday horror with a couple of oddities that will make you turn your head slowly in that creepy Michael Myers way in confusion but yet delight. Remember not all of them can be hits as he quite gets into the spirit of riffing on such features: Jack Frost, Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Killer Snowman, Santa Claws, Christmas Evil, Santa’s Slay, Puppet Master vs. Demonic Toys, To All a Goodnight, Slaughter Claus, Cannibal Claus, Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie’s Island Adventures, Santa Claus: Serial Rapist, Krampus: The Christmas Devil, The Elf, Once Upon a Time at Christmas. This set is not only for the holiday horror die hards but for folks that just like to laugh at quirky cinema they never knew could be this funny as why I give this set 4 out of 4 stars.

Movies to Watch on a Rainy Afternoon: The Holiday Leftover Edition (Blu-ray) – This might be Addison’s most interesting and hilarious collection to make it to the Blu-ray format for fans as Mr. Binek really goes all out to truly make this the weirdest collection of leftovers a must have. Addison starts off strong as he gives us Easter Bunny Kill Kill!, no matter how tasteless or uncomfortable it makes him while riffing on it. Unlucky Charms continues the laughter as it makes Addison question if there was ever a plot? He quickly moves right onto Peter Rottentail that only confuses him because the lack of rabbit references and the filmmakers not truly understanding how magic works. Mr. Binek then really digs into Plan 9 from Outer Space as it is considered a Halloween treat for some so he can make sense of it for others. As he goes back to an Easter film in Easter Casket Addison only finds he gets upset there isn’t more candy in plastic Easter eggs but believing every scene is filmed in a rando hotel room. And then he reaches Blood Freak … (remake from Daniel Boyd and Tim Gross) which makes Addison convinced Thanksgiving is only a holiday for doing drugs? From there Addison brings out a Home Alone sequel I literally didn’t know existed? But leave it to the famous Indie label Mail Order holiday horror to have Addison question if watching all these projects was even a good idea especially when he lays into Hell on the Shelf. If that wasn’t enough Amityville Thanksgiving leaves Addison questions about gift wrapping and not understanding this entry is a holiday entry into the Amityville series. All this leads into two oddities of the holiday leftover edition that features Cookie Christmas movie which is truly bizarre and can only be believed if watched along with the underrated and possibly one of the most brilliant horror sequels of all time in Leprechaun in the Hood! As you can tell I have always been a fan of Addison’s work and his riffing on movies but this “Holiday Leftover Edition” might be the crown jewel as he digs deep for projects that most don’t know about along with one or two that you have come across on Tubi or something with great curiosity as this must own Blu-ray without a doubt gets 4 out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!