Here it is people. Our first episode of CARPEN-TOBER. Our month long series of shows dedicated to the films of the master John Carpenter. Also it is the Cinema Wasteland wrap up show. This week we talk about In the mouth of madness, and ghosts of mars. And since I broke our website (a new better one is on the way) you can download it directly from our talk shoe account right here http://www.talkshoe.com/talkshoe/web/talkCast.jsp…
Well folks, not only is the hosting site messing with me, but now I am locked out of the website. Don’t fret though. Here is a link where you can download the new episode. http://www.talkshoe.com/talkshoe/web/talkCast.jsp?masterId=120350&cmd=tc
O.K. folks, here is the situation. Since many of you already know the website I use to host the audio for the show is acting really funky as of late I had to improvise. And I am behind on shows during out all october… all john carpenter fest CARPEN-TOBER. I will be doing this. I am putting up the episode where we talk about Day of the Dead & Inferno tonight. Then all throughout CAPREN-TOBER i will be dropping bonus shows where we talk about As Above, So Below with T-Shirt Joe. A Critters retrospective with John Portanova, A show where we talk about Hardcore and The Unnameable. Please be paitent and enjoy.
KYLE
Gross Movie Reviews #330
By Tim Gross
The Purge (DVD) – Ethan Hawke stars in a film where he plays a character that is well off money wise and has sold security systems to all in the gated community. But there is more to this story as the government as declared one day a year you are able to commit any crime you would like for 12 hours. It is to help people to purge any impure thoughts of committing a crime and it has help lower crime rates throughout the US. Problem is if you are poor you are screwed! Well people have come knocking on the Ethan’s door because his kid let in a potential victim and now must face the consequences. The movie is a fun concept and has cool moments but I do not understand the fan fever behind this flick? Maybe I am just old…? I give the film 2 ½ stars.
The Purge: Anarchy (On Demand) – Its one year later… and the “Purge” is about to begin. This time around the story revolves around a struggling mother and daughter whose building has been targeted by people in all black and they are helped by a stranger who wanted to take part in The Purge but used better judgement for now. While on the run the story unfolds more and explains The Purge may be a way for the government to rid of citizens they feel is useless in the new society. I enjoyed this film more than the first because I could see this happening? I could see the government or let’s say rich folks come up with a way to rid their society of lower beings in their eyes. This movie suits what is going on right now with Wall Street and Occupy movement, now that being said, I am a person who loves sequels but feels to continue this series will be a mistake? Unless they go ass deep into the government angle! That’s right I don’t trust anybody, except beer… and horror movies, and more beer. I give the film 3 stars.
Godzilla (On Demand/remake) – Another remake of the giant lizard that was brought on by radiation is too damn long. I love the mutation or evolution of mean looking Godzilla but the need to retell the legend of it or how the monster came to be and origins of what may be attacking earth now is getting old. A Godzilla movie should not be over two hours long. But anyway in 1999 some strange shit goes down in the Philippines, 15 years later the same shit is happening again but even worse and a government within a government has been keeping it quiet. While some man who knows the truth and everyone thinks is crazy is exactly right but little does he know the government knows Godzilla exists and they tried to kill him in 1954 with a bunch of nations but failed. Now only Godzilla is earth’s hope to fight some kind of alien creatures that have laid dormant for millions of years. This film is good but is far from one of my favorites as I am a big fan of all the early 90s remakes and will always be a fan of the original Godzilla films! But with that said I give the flick 2 ½ stars and remember it’s too fucking long!
The Device (Vimeo) – Jeremy Berg and John Portanova who are a part of the independent film company “The October People” are back at it with this new release that deals with possible alien abduction and strange events that are in the same vein as “The X-Files”. Abby and Rebecca are sisters who have been a part for many years have gotten back together at an old cabin again to spread their mother’s ashes. While walking through the woods discussing the past they come across a strange black sphere and something that could be a wrecked plane? They bring back the strange black sphere and that’s when things get weird… Dreams of creepy aliens, pregnancy, death, and etc., leads up to an amazing ending for this independent sci-fi thriller that I must say is one of the best independent films of 2014. Bravo Mr. Berg and Mr. Portanova as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. The film is available through amazon.com and for details on upcoming projects please check out http://www.theoctoberpeople.net .
Reviled (Web Series) – Independent filmmaker Jim Stramel has decided to tackle the very bloated zombie genre and try to give zombie fans something different and interesting to watch. The first episode is about a man named Frank who has something different for the underground zombie pit-fighting world… His undead daughter! Its dramatic but at the same time keeps that gritty horror flick feel as world hasn’t been overrun with zombies it was a mere blip on the radar of life as nations have moved on with regular life. But most Americans are always looking that something different, that edge, that excitement, and in this web series its zombie-pit fighting. Stramel shows off his talents with not only a well-scripted and well-shot episode but the look and feel in opinion should have zombie fans clamoring for more! I give the new series 3 out of 4 stars and wish Jim Stramel good luck with the ongoing project. You can purchase and find out more information about the project at www.reviledzombieseries.com .
Corvette Summer (VHS/YouTube) – A great car flick about a young Mark Hamill who spends his summer searching for this amazing car, a corvette, that his shop class rebuilt after it is stolen. A great flick to take a ride down late 70s memory lane and has a great supporting cast in a naked Annie Potts, Dick Miller, Brion James, and T.K. Carter. I give the film 2 ½ stars.
Link (VHS) – General Zod aka Terrance Stamp is a scientist and enjoys monkeys as he lives them and uses them for experiments. Problem is after a student Elisabeth Shue asks and gets a job at his place the monkeys go ape shit in this very boring movie about a monkey keeping Shue’s character trapped at the house. I give the film 1 star.
Haunted House on Sorority Row (DVD) – The film is produced and directed by the talented Henrique Couto who gives us a tale of college girls who want to start their own sorority without hazing and other random bullshit. They find an old house on the cheap and know it’s haunted but really don’t believe in that shit until one by one their past comes to haunt them till death… I enjoy a lot of Couto’s projects but this paranormal Indy film just didn’t seem to flick my bic! The film looks wonderful, cool effects, great cast but I can be very picky when it comes to paranormal horror flicks. Knowing Henrique I know that won’t stop him from making several other projects that I will purchase and enjoy. I give the flick 2 out of 4 stars and it is available on amazon.com.
The Dark Power (VHS) – Oh the random crappy horror films I will watch folks? This 1985 low budget classic has a sheriff who carries a whip facing off against evil Indian spirits that have come back from the dead to kill! It’s horrible, it’s hilarious, and its racist so prepare yourself if you find yourself in possession of a copy? I give it 1 ½ stars.
Savage Streets (DVD-R) – The crazy rape/revenge classic from Danny Steinmann in 1983 that stars Linda Blair, Linnea Quigley, and John Vernon. Linda Blair is tough girl who has a group of girlfriends that are close and do everything together and they all look out for her sister Linnea who happens to be a deaf mute. After screwing over a dope dealing gang the night before by taking their car, the gang comes back for revenge by raping Linnea and beat the shit out of her. If that wasn’t enough the same gang throws her pregnant best friend off of a bridge killing her. That’s when Linda Blair heads to the Bear Trap store and gets all Blackjack Mulligan on the men who caused her pain that features the classic line from Principal John Vernon, “Go fuck an iceberg!” You would think the film would be easy to get but it has been released several times on DVD only to disappear several times to show up on eBay for a retarded amount of money. Usually I am all about paying the 10 or 15 bucks for a film but when most of the time it doesn’t get cheaper than $25 unless it’s a used copy and there is rumors about the company that does this shit on purpose I say “GO FUCK AN ICEBERG!” it is available on YouTube on a regular basis. I give the classic 3 stars.
Hardcore (VHS) – A 1979 sleaze fest that stars George C. Scott as a father whose daughter goes missing in California during a religious retreat from Grand Rapids, Michigan. Scott’s character hires a P.I. in Peter Boyle to find answers on where his daughter is? Soon Boyle’s character finds an 8mm short that has his daughter doing an explicit sex scene sending him in a fit of rage with more questions than answers. After firing the PI, George C. Scott takes an extended vacation that lowers him into the seedy world of porn and porno making. He poses as a producer and sets up casting calls in order to find answers to find his daughter. The movie does a great job of making you feel you a part of the seedy porn world of 1979 that is much more accepted these days. If you looking for something non-horror but want a film with a little edge leave it to an unknown George C. Scott film to me to entertain you as you will not be disappointed in this sleazy vehicle. I give the film 3 stars.
Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………
You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!
Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews and Jagoff Massacre t-shirt but also Cannibal Campout, Woodchipper Massacre, and a Spookies T-shirts also!!!! Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.
Kyle and Tim have gone on vacation, but never fear here is a show we have been sitting on for a while now. We cover 3 movies that feature Sonny Chiba. THE STREET FIGHTER, THE BODYGUARD, and VIRUS. And to help us along the way is Mike Haushalter. Resident Sonny Chiba expert. Also for some reason we talk a lot about magic cards and D&D in this episode.
http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/
Gross Movie Reviews #329
By Tim Gross
Freddy’s Nightmares TV series (DVD-R) – The Nightmare on Elm St. series started off with great intentions in 1988-1989. Hell, Freddy was huge he was on the Today show, Arsenio Hall, the character that was burned by vengeful parents and comes back to kill teenagers in their dreams was a household name in the late 80s. So New Line Cinema decided let’s make a TV show. Trying to capitalize on the Freddy character with more adventures sounded great until it hit TV. First two episodes revolve around the origins of Freddy but after that many episodes came off as lame attempt of another “Tales from the Darkside” or “Tales from the Crypt”. Most horror fans like me thought we would get more about Freddy killing the Elm St. teenagers instead you a lot boring TV show. But soon it was apparent that once the TV series was launch Freddy would come in only for an intro and ending of the show and the budget of the show was cut in half quickly. If you ever have the displeasure of watching all the episodes you will notice three or four sets were used in almost every episode. The show had its issues besides not having much Freddy: the show wasn’t on what was considered a major network at the time, budget cut in half, Robert Englund was getting tired of the make-up during this span cause he was also doing part 4 and 5, and overall the show didn’t separate itself from the usual horror TV shows that flooded the market late night on weekends. But me being Tim Gross, I pushed through all 22 episodes of boring crap to find out the show still pisses me off like it did when I was 13 years old watching it. But I did come across an episode I did not remember called “Love Stinks” starring Jeffrey Combs who plays a manager of a pizza shop who uses body parts as his secret ingredient for pizza toppings! The show was briefly released on VHS in the 90s but was scarce and many episodes can be found on YouTube but there have been no plans for this series and maybe for good reason to find its way onto DVD. For me I thought this series could have been so much more if the right writers were behind it but they were not as I give the series ½ star out of 4.
Prom Night (Blu-ray) – Some kids are playing a weird game at an abandon building until an accident happens; a little girl falls out a window and dies. The friends swear not to tell anyone about it. A few years later they are all getting ready for the high school prom but someone has other plans for those involved. Someone in a black mask is out for blood as they are killing one by one the seniors who were involved in the tragic accident they swore to secrecy years ago. Jamie Lee Curtis and Leslie Neilson star in the horror film that has now become known as the beginnings of the “slasher era”. Synapse Films has now given the film a much needed upgrade as the VHS and first DVD release were never of great quality. But also included Additional scenes, great outtakes, an interesting making-of which goes into how the film came to be, and has one of the most entertaining commentaries with director Paul Lynch and screenwriter William Guy. Most commentaries can be long winded and boring at times unless its John Carpenter which I haven’t heard a bad one yet from that dude. But these days everyone thinks they should do one for their film and it doesn’t mean it’s a good thing for the fans. For “Prom Night” I felt like I learned a lot more about the film and how it came to be and have new respect for Paul Lynch as he had some great stories not only about his stars but some of the interesting people behind the scenes. Example: there is a great story about a dude who steals a van for a scene in the movie! Mr. Lynch figured enough time has passed that he could talk about the stolen van they blew up! Great stuff… I give the package 3 out of 4 stars and more details about the Blu-ray can be found at www.synapse-films.com .
Bait (DVD) – Tidal waves hit Australia and put their version of Wal-Mart trapped under water and sharks attacking the trapped survivors. A former lifeguard, his ex, and Dr. Doom try to help get the survivors out before Australian Jaws eats everyone. I give the film 2 stars.
Dead Air (DVD) – One of my favorite underrated actors Gregory Hines is a DJ in this 90s film that has his character haunted by a female phone caller that seems to be getting in his mind and screwing with him or is she? The film is influenced by Clint Eastwood’s “Play Misty for Me” but gives the story a different twist. If you are a Gregory Hines fan the film is worth a watch as I give it 2 stars.
Found (Vimeo) – An award winning independent film made for about $8000 with the story revolving around a 12 year old boy who is at that awkward age of “are you a boy, are you a teenager?” The boy is named Marty and narrates a lot of the film as Marty looks up to his older brother who likes horror movies and does not have many friends. But Marty’s brother does have a secret and it is in the closet in a bowling ball bag. Marty likes to go and inspect what’s in the bag as it changes often. Marty doesn’t have many friends either and gets bullied often in school but he is more concerned learning more about his brother because he looks up to him and his parents who don’t care for the brother. But as we get to the heart of the film, the movie goes from a story of a boy’s innocence and awkwardness to complete off the hinge brutality in the last 20 or 30 minutes that will leave your jaw hanging open! This movie is amazing and has one of the best endings since the release of the horror film “Inside”! One of the best independent films that I have seen in 2014 as I give it 4 out of 4 stars. It is available on DVD at amazon.com and if it helps it got banned twice in Australia because its original cut of the film. It also won the first ever Elvira’s Horror Hunt Film Festival. More about the film can be found at: http://www.theoctoberpeople.net/ or their Facebook page of the same name.
Escape Plan (DVD) – Stallone, Arnie, Vinnie Jones, 50 Cent, Sam Neil, that dude that played Jesus, that weird chubby dude from “Full Metal Jacket”, who isn’t in this flick? Stallone breaks out of prison for a living to show flaws in the system for the government, etc. to fix. This time Stallone is given a job for a prison that no one knows the location and it is for people the world just wants them to disappear. It’s a new high tech prison like no other and there is no escape until Stallone meets Arnold, together they can break out of the place! This is high grade action-cheese that I love… This is the kinda of stuff I was screaming for in the early 90s and my wishes have been granted with this flick, “The Expendables”, “JCVD”, etc. I give it 3 stars.
Fast & Furious 6 (DVD) – These car racing, drug dealing, weapons stealing, completely unrealistic movie plots are my guilty non-horror pleasure for the mere reason they are entertaining and I get to see Jason Statham fuck somebody up even its for only 30 seconds. This series proves Vin Diesel may not be the best actor but he is a smart one because he knows what makes money… I give it 3 stars.
Leprechaun Origins (DVD/remake) – The film that has been four or five years in the making is a giant disappointment. Four tourists visit a small Irish village for the history only to be locked in a cabin to be a sacrifice for a creature that loves gold. They escape and learn they are not the only ones that have been sacrificed for this creature. But apparently some folks stole a bunch of gold 15 years ago and the creature aka leprechaun is pissed off and these folks try to please him by giving him random tourists to kill. Let’s be realistic the “Leprechaun” series isn’t Oscar worthy material. But it was fun cheesy entertainment that had “Leprechaun Fly Girls”! This new version pretty much turns the character we all know and love into a SyFy Channel monster movie of the week. GIMME MOTHER FUCKING WARWICK DAVIS!!! I wasn’t opposed to an update or Dylan Postal aka Hornswoggle playing the leprechaun character but with all the blur effect, the make-up and creatures effects what was the point? But be warned by the lackluster movie I was waiting for and was disappointed by as I give it 1 ½ stars at the most.
Dead Snow 2: Red vs. Dead (On Demand) – We see Martin has survived the bloodbath of the first film but has forgotten he has a gold coin in the car and the Nazi zombies still want it! After Martin has driven off the road and wrecked. The Nazi zombies have a new mission and they need new soldiers to complete it. Meanwhile Martin has a zombie arm reattached to his body and is believed by police to have killed everyone on the mountain top. Martin knows he must stop Herzog and his zombie army or this will never end. Martin gets in touch with the Zombie Squad through the internet and they are hell bent on helping Martin stopping the Nazi zombie army from completing their mission! The sequel is just as awesome as the first flick and like the first film “Dead Snow 2” wastes no time making sure this will be a memorable and over the edge zombie film you will never forget. We got supernatural zombie arms, gore, zombies driving tanks, kids getting smashed and torn to pieces, Russian soldier zombies, more gore, reviving zombies all what you would expect from a sequel to one of the most memorable zombie films ever made ! I give the flick 4 stars and to me is one of the best horror movies of 2014…
The Chilling (VHS) – Linda Blair plays a character named Mary who helps clients through the process of having their loved ones transition to the cryo freezing process in hopes of a better tomorrow. But Mary doesn’t know the doctor and his assistant that she works for are selling the people’s organs in Mexico for big bucks. That is until during a bad storm on Halloween night lightening hits the building and the cryo tubes that turns all in them into burned C.H.U.D. imitations who are pissed off and fucking people up. With the help of a client and Grizzly Adams playing a security guard they must refreeze the weird zombie/creatures in order to escape. Great low budget/late 80s fun that I give 2 stars.
Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………
You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!
Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews and Jagoff Massacre t-shirt but also Cannibal Campout, Woodchipper Massacre, and a Spookies T-shirts also!!!! Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.
This week Kyle and Tim have an interview with Glenn Berggoetz. Director of Midget Zombie Takeover, To Die Is Hard, and The Worst Movie Ever. We are also talking about Jeffrey Combs’ signature role Herbert West in Re-Animator. And a movie that features on of the last time anyone ever saw skinny Val Kilmer in The Salton Sea. We also talk about Kyle’s trip to see The Blues Brothers in 35mm. Tim sees They Call Her One Eye. And Kyle sees Deadbeat at Dawn for the first time also. And we get attacked by ads. So sit back and enjoy our ramblings.
http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/
This week we bring back one of our favorite guests John Portanova. And he is bringing with him a masterpiece in the odd and bizarre HAUSU from Japan. Tim talks the feminist slasher THE SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE, and Kyle is talking about the number one library rental of all time THE GOLDEN CHILD. Also we chat it up about all things Sasquatch and Sasquatch related including his one and only weakness. Richard Nixon’s shenanigans. Kyle meets Joe Bob Briggs and sees some truly classic flicks at the theater. Kinda? And we have a report from the road with Kyle and Profondo Cinema’s J. Scott at the B Movie Celebration in Nashville Indiana. So check it out and please… GIVE US THE KNIFE…. PLEEEEAAAASSSSSSSEEEEEEEEE!!!!
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Gross Movie Reviews #328
By Tim Gross
Night Shift (DVD) – Henry Winkler and Michael Keaton work at the city morgue in this comedy classic about two guys that become pimps. Keaton is the idea man and Winkler is the money guy who even gets the hookers healthcare, 401K, and not beat up until two guys who were cutting in on the action on the last pimp they killed finds out about the city morgue. Great stuff as I give 3 stars.
The Salton Sea (DVD) – Val Kilmer stars in this film about two different characters but they are both the same person. Kilmer sees his wife die in a horrible hotel drug bust gone bad while using the bathroom. He becomes another person for over a year and becomes addicted to drugs to find the people who killed her. The film is very weird, odd, interesting, and Vincent D’Onofrio a big time drug dealer who got his nose removed because he did too much “gunk”! Kilmer is brilliant and this is the type of film for you if you are looking for something “off the wall”? I give the film 2 ½ stars.
The Conjuring (DVD) – James Wan must have been a little tired of the “Paranormal Activity” flicks and reached in his bag of tricks to pull out this 70sish haunted house/ghost flick. Violent, creepy, and based on a true story of a paranormal team named the “Warrens” who apparently were recognized by the Catholic Church and try to help people in the 60s and 70s with their paranormal issues. This story just happen to be the one they did not like talking about for many years as it also haunted them deeply because of the evil they faced. The Warrens come across a family who have become afflicted or cursed by a woman/witch who hung herself declared her soul to Satan many years ago and fucked up shit has happened to people who have lived at the house or near it on a regular basis. So if you are old like me and enjoyed the original “Amityville Horror”? This is right up your alley folks as I give it 3 stars.
Zodiac: Signs of the Apocalypse (DVD/SyFy Channel) – Aaron Douglas and many other no names star in this end of the world SyFy Channel flick that is based on the astrological signs and how they coincide with a planet that orbits the sun differently than the other planets we know about. If that doesn’t grab ya, Christopher Lloyd appears in the flick long enough to make you feel you haven’t totally wasted your time watching it. I give the film 1 ½ stars. If bored and a little psychotic like yours truly look for the scene with about 15 minutes left in the film when someone fucked up editing and a Ford Flex racing from a helicopter changes into a Chevy Tahoe and then back to the Ford Flex.
The Expendables 3 (Theater) – How to put this simply but this third film showed that “The Expendables” franchise does have a shelf life and its right at its sell by date. Love the first two films and cannot bad mouth Stallone for trying to give fans something different. But this film centers more on The Expendables team trying to get younger instead of more on the older action stars we all know and love. Mel Gibson plays a great asshole villain and once the film gets past trying to establish the younger people into the film all hell breaks loose for the last 30 minutes to give you one big action orgasm! Will there be a fourth, I doubt it but that doesn’t mean you should write this sequel off as I give it 3 stars and thank you Antonio Banderas for being awesome…
Cabin Fever 3: Patient Zero (On Demand) – This flick centers around the fat hobbit (Sean Astin) being immune to the flesh eating disease that has scientists baffled and have shut themselves up in a building basement on an island after fat hobbit tries to infect them. This is the type of film that makes me and other horror fans question: Why is there another sequel? How is this a “Cabin Fever” movie? And so on and so on. The movie blows donkey ass but what saves the film is there is just some wicked ass gore effects that need to be seen and seen often! I give the film 1 star but the gore effects 3 ½ stars.
Chiller (VHS) – Here’s a TV movie directed by Wes Craven in the early 80s that starred Michael Beck and Jill Schoelen in a flick that will make you think twice about cryogenics. Being frozen for later use was the entire craze in the late 70s and through the 80s and this film poses as a warning if your cryo-tube begins to malfunction, they thaw you out and apparently you no longer have a soul? The dated film is still fun to watch as I give it 2 stars.
Zombie Undead (DVD) – A higher end independent zombie film from the UK about someone explodes a dirty bomb in the heart of the city and people become zombies and trapping several people in a nearby hospital (where 85% of the film takes place). The several people of course must stay together to survive or they become munchies for the UK deadheads that roam the halls of the hospital! I give it 1 ½ stars.
Zombie Massacre: Army of the Dead (DVD) – A higher end independent film from Maryland starring Jim Krut as one fucked up privately funded government dude who wants to perform an experiment on a whole town to see if they are able to make the perfect soldier and control it. Problem the town and anyone outside the town knows nothing about it as a couple of college kids stuck in a movie theater may throw off the whole experiment? It has running zombies, slow zombies, and bloodless zombies, next time do some rewrites as it appears you have the budget and the resources to pull off a better product as I give it 1 ½ stars. Wanna see more about the film or other projects the filmmaker behind “Zombie Massacre” has done or will do go check out www.chemicalburn.org . And if you already guessed it: “yes, I bought the film for the mere reason it had massacre in the title.”
Thriller: A Cruel Picture (DVD) – The 1973 film is also widely known as “They Call Her One Eye” and has been inspiration for many filmmakers the past decade but can’t be duplicated. A woman who is raped as a young girl is now grown but is mute and goes into town quite often for doctor’s appointments. Innocent and naïve she gets in a car when she misses a bus into town and wakes up beaten up and hooked on heroin and told she will now be a hooker! Not happy with this she takes it out on her first customer and in return she loses an eye and apparently it costs more money to bang a one eyed hooker. Soon she saves her money learns how to race a car, shoot guns, and fight. And that is when this movie just gets downright brutal as she begins gut shooting customers left and right in slow motion with a double barrel shotgun. The movie is absolutely amazing, fucked up, brutal, and not for all movie lovers at the same time. I can see now why this film has such rabid fan base especially when your female lead doesn’t say a damn word through the whole film! I give it 4 stars.
Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………
You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!
Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews and Jagoff Massacre t-shirt but also Cannibal Campout, Woodchipper Massacre, and a Spookies T-shirts also!!!! Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.
This week we welcome back T-Shirt Joe, a comic book fan, to talk about the movie that everyone is raving about GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY. Tim comes at us with DEATHSPORT. And Kyle talks about the Amicus anthology TALES FROM THE CRYPT 1972. Along the way we cover such topics as racism… of course, why a guy worth 40 million dollars would have to resort to crowd sourcing a movie, and a ton of other nonsense. So check it out. And be sure to check out http://www.fastcustomshirts.com for all your T-shirt needs.
http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/
Gross Movie Reviews #327
By Tim Gross
Sharktopus vs. Pteracuda (DVD/SyFy Channel) – Robert Carradine finds a way to make a mutant barracuda into a military weapon and Sharktopus just happens to thaw out from a glacier for a fight to the death between these titans. Movie has a few unintentional laughs and Robert Carradine plays a complete dick throughout the film which makes it watchable as I give 2 stars.
Tales From the Crypt (DVD/You Tube) – Over 40 years later this anthology still lays the ground work for makes a great anthology. The film is based on the dark EC Comics that later became a HBO series and inspired “Creepshow” before it stars the likes of Peter Cushing, Joan Collins, and Ralph Richardson. Some people decide to take a tour of some catacombs and five of them get lost and come upon a man who asks them to sit as he tells those stories of their recent lives. Afterward the five would like out of the mysterious cave but soon understand this is just a gateway to hell for what they have done in their past. It’s creepy and beautiful at the same time and definitely a flick to show horror newbies as its rated PG! I give the classic flick 4 stars.
The Woman in Black (DVD) – So it took me a while but I finally sat down to watch Harry Potter in this creepy ghost story from the new Hammer Productions. Harry Potter is widower who just happens to get a job that sends him to a small town that has a legend of ghosts, witches, and where little kids disappear to wrap up an estate. Things are completely weird soon as he sets foot there as the locals don’t want him going to the home and digging up the past. Wonderful story building with some creepy ghosts make this an excellent choice of horror if you are looking for less gory? I give the flick 3 stars.
Devil’s Playground (DVD) – A UK zombie flick made a couple years ago where a product makes it past animal trials to human trials and is given to 30000 people. Within two months 29999 become deathly ill, bleed from the eyes, go crazy, then death. But one girl that had the test drug is not phased and a mercenary is hired to find her before this epidemic breaks out as now the test subjects that have died are now becoming acrobatic zombies that jump, somersault, and fly everywhere as they attack their victims. If you can get past some zombies die from a single shot and others die after having full clips shot into their heads you’ll enjoy this flick. This zombie film seems to be more of a bloodier version of “Resident Evil” in some ways as I give it 2 stars.
Universal Soldier: The Return (DVD) – Jean-Claude Damme is back with no Dolph Lundgren in this 1998 sequel has Luc Devereux as advisor to the Universal Soldier program. But when the super high tech computer helping Luc and others to control the Universal Soldier program and gets wind of the program being shut down the super computer wants to evolve and takeover humanity. The film also stars Michael Jai White and Bill Goldberg in what sounded good on paper but when it was put to film it just happen to be one of the death nails in Jean-Claude’s Hollywood career for next few years. I give the film 1 ½ stars.
The Golden Child (DVD) – A comedy starring Eddie Murphy in his prime as a man who finds missing children. The rest of the cast is rounded out with other cool veteran actors in Charles Dance, Randell “Tex” Cobb, Victor Wong, James Hong, and even wrestler Tiger Chung Lee! Murphy’s character is approached by a young woman who explains that a special child, ‘the golden child’ has been kidnapped from Tibet and brought to the U.S. and needs to be found before he is sacrificed to a higher power. Eddie isn’t sure about the child and thinks its bullshit until he has some odd dreams, talks to a demon (Charles Dance), and some strange Asian dudes in the words of Eddie Murphy try to kill him any chance they get. So Murphy’s character travels to Tibet to get a special knife to trade for the child from his brother Numpsy! I pretty much laughed my balls off watching this flick as it has a lot of great one-liners like “Commando”. I give the flick 3 stars.
Riddick (DVD) – Picking up from the lackluster sequel “The Chronicles of Riddick” and surprising me that there would ever be another movie with such an interesting character as Riddick. Riddick is trapped on a planet trying to survive but wants off cause he believes it’s time to go back home. Instead of trying to expand the Riddick universe as they did in the second film they go back to focusing on Riddick and having fun with the character in this sci-fi adventure. Riddick finds a camp with no one at so he hits the distress call and soon many mercenaries show up. Problem is they are too busy fighting over each other as who is going to capture Riddick rather than worrying about why Riddick got them to come there in the first place. Soon a storm is coming and just like “Pitch Black” that is when the film is a lot of fun. Good flick but believe the film before kinda killed any cool stuff this series could have been? But I do hope somewhere along the line Vin Diesel does another one as it can be fun sci-fi horror for all, I give the flick 2 ½ stars.
Red 2 (DVD) – Bruce Willis and pals are in trouble again as someone has leaked some information about secret project in Russia in 1979 involving John Moses. The only person that actually knows about what exactly that took place is a man that just so happens to be dead or thought he was dead and now found imprisoned for the past 30 years with only his thoughts of how he is going to get revenge. But the real reason comes to light after he is loose and gets away from Moses is he came up with a bomb that has red mercury which is untraceable. The sequel has its moments but nowhere near as much fun as the first flick as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Stand By Me (DVD/Theater) – Going to see this movie again based on a Stephen King story I forgot how funny and how good this movie is about friends on a journey to see a dead kid. It begins with them wanting to see the dead kid Ray so they become famous in 1959 but once getting there and sharing all the events they had happen to them the kids decided no one should try to get famous off of someone dying the way he did. Four friends who are at the edge of becoming teenagers and about to go into junior high all have great backstories that sucks into their world. They find out from a couple older kids who boosted a car that they know where the missing kid is and they were unsure if they should tell their friends about it. And that is where the four kids’ journey begins… It’s one of those perfect movies you tend to forget all who starred in which nowadays would have had a budget of 250 million because of all the names but also you forget how funny but interesting all the characters in the film are? With that I give it 4 stars and start chanting “Lard ass, Lard ass, Lard ass!” until he starts puking pie all over the place.
Dead Before Dawn (DVD) – A hilarious zombie film starring Christopher Lloyd who needs his grandson to watch his store “The Occult Barn” so he go receive his lifetime achievement award. Problem is his grandson saw his father die in the store 15 years ago and has been scared shitless of everything since. On a whim he the grandson decides to help out Lloyd’s character and watch the store but everything goes to hell when friends come by and he drops a skull shaped urn that unleashes an evil that turns all the people they look at into zimens! Half zombie, half demon and the people commit suicide first before they change. And if you French kiss a zimen it becomes your slave. Oh one more thing if you do not fix the urn before dawn it will be hell on earth forever. What seems corny and possibly horrible at first glance is actually really good and worth giving a chance as it breathes a little more life into a very saturated zombie genre! I give it 3 ½ stars. And Christopher Lloyd is still one of my favorite actors.
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