Gross Movie Reviews #467

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Gross Movie Reviews #467

 

The Immortalizer (DVD) – A doctor uses a little known clinic for his experiments. He kidnaps the young in order to move his rich older clients’ brains into their bodies. His transplants do have a drawback. One of ten turn into a mutant and the good doctor uses these mutants to help wrangle young people for him. He makes enough money and moves onto the next town. When it is time to clean up he pushes the remains down a shute into a large meat grinder I believe they stole from the set of “The Exterminator”. This late 80s flick is a little boring but worth the watch if you enjoy the B-flicks as I give it 2 stars.

 

Demented Death Farm Massacre (DVD/YouTube) – A 1971 film with several titles that is under the Troma umbrella thanks to Fred Olen Ray. Fred bought the title in the early 80s and shot a few minutes of footage with John Carradine and spliced it in to make the film marketable. So Troma in the mid-80s picked it up. Four jewel thieves jeep breaks down after their heist. So to escape the local authorities they find a farm in the middle of nowhere until there vehicle can be fixed. Of course the four cannot keep to themselves and things get out of hand quickly as one by one they die. If interested here are all the alternate titles: Honey Pie, Shantytown Honeymoon, Honey Britches, Death Farm, The Hillbilly Hooker, Moonshiners’ Women, and Little Whorehouse on the Prairie that I know of as I give it 1 star.

 

Baby Bath Massacre (YouTube) – I was tricked by the title thinking this could be something special as I went down several worm holes on YouTube to watch it. But this early 90s film ended up being an Australian teen drama that spun off a TV series. Most of the movie consists of teens going to a roller skating rink and overcome bullying and talking feelings. Damn yinz for tricking I hope for so much as I give this flick 0 stars for false advertisement.

 

Critters: A New Binge (Shudder) – This series/movie should have been titled “Critters: A Huge Misstep”. After many years the film series about man-eating hairy balls called ‘Crites’ has returned to Earth. The Crites are on a secret mission to retrieve one of their own that has been left on Earth. Problem is the bounty hunters get wind of this and also return to stop the Crites again. Sounds somewhat good until we learn the Crite they are looking for is a hungry teenager that is half Crite/half human. Throughout the 8 mini-episodes the Critters look great or some of the worst CGI effects you have seen in the past decade. This disappointed me greatly as it came off half-ass and possibly not completely for possible unknown reasons. Anyway Shudder wins again as it has everyone talking about the new series good or bad as I give it 1 ½ stars and still hold hope there may be a legit sequel coming?

 

Dark Haul (DVD) – So when the 13th child is born to the 13th child it is predicted by the priesthood it will be a demon! So when it is born 270 years ago it begins killing from its first second on Earth but the demon has a twin sister who has a psychic link. Both do not age and its now present day and the priesthood wants to move them to a more secure and rural place. But there is others in this secret priesthood that want both dead. The sister has different plans for the two after years of being in captivity. The film has a cool creature, there is a bunch of gore effects, but is the prophecy fulfilled when it’s not actually the 13th child but 14 since it was twins? Sorry if I brought logic to watching the movie but it bothered me as I watched it but still entertained as I give it 2 stars.

 

Midnight Madness (DVD) – Another teen comedy that has five teams of college students playing in an all-night scavenger hunt. The teams are picked by Leon the Game Master who believes in his ‘great all-nighter’ as he has the teams running all over the city looking for clues. I believe it is a hilarious film with an all-star cast now looking back on the film. It lacks in the boob department but makes up for it with being a solid comedy well worth revisiting if you are old like me. I give this fun 1980 comedy 3 stars.

Plank Face (DVD) – Anytime I see an independent film that stars Ellie Church you have my attention as I believe she makes everything she is in better! This film interests me but sat on my pile longer than usual because I wasn’t seeing many people talk about it. So I sat down to watch it and was surprised more than anything for it not being the usual independent slasher the poster might portray it as. Instead you get this odd deep story of a young man named Max. Max and his girlfriend head out to the woods for a camping trip only to be interrupted by a rapist. Max was knocked out for this to happen but awakens to kill the man who takes advantage of his girlfriend Stacey. But Max is knocked out again only to awake this time in an unknown cabin where he has been taken captive by a backwoods family who force him to become one of them whether he wanted too or not. The film is a bit slow and has a beginning that doesn’t fit the film in my opinion but stick with it as it’s a much different concept. The flick has a little grit, a little sleaze, and enough blood to make all viewers happy that take a chance on watching this as I give it 3 stars.

 

Ballad of Blood (DVD) – A newer film from legendary filmmaker Ruggero Deodato that involves four people and the day after a big Halloween party. Lenka, Jacopo, and Duke wake up to Lenka’s roommate being dead. None of the three even remember what happened or how they even got to the apartment. But the three piss around for many scenes getting high and watching footage that Elizabeth shot as she wants to be a filmmaker someday. As the three keep drugging themselves up and moving Elizabeth’s body, they feel no remorse and for the most part are just trying to figure out how they can get away with it? This film was tough to watch all the way through as it felt it didn’t have a whole lot of direction and wasn’t sure what kind of movie it wanted to be? I hate to say this but horror fans don’t watch it, good chance you will be disappointed in this project as I give it a ½ star.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Grossfest 2 is coming… July 20, 2019, check our Grossfest Facebook page and www.grossfest.comfor details and upcoming guests. #grossfest #grossfest2019

 

 

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Gross Movie Reviews #331

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Gross Movie Reviews #331

 

By Tim Gross

 Porkchop

Porkchop (DVD) – Independent filmmaker Eamon Hardiman takes you on a trip to Camp Wood where the legend of a man wearing a pig’s head stalks the woods and kills all who try to have sex, drink, or just stay the night. Hardiman tries to give his vision of a throwback slasher on no budget and just having fun with the idea. Hardiman gives the viewer a lot of laughs, boobs, and blood along the way. But we also get two store clerks who are the highlight of the film besides Porkchop, people talking about $10 abortions, and death by lawn darts which is always cool in my book. If you like your independent throwback horror films: sleazy, corny, and blood-filled then you are in for a treat with this feature as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars. For more info or to purchase the films check out: www.razorsharpstudioswv.com .

Porkchop 2

Porkchop II: Rise of the Rind (DVD) – Hardiman and company are back with their follow-up as Porkchop has failed to fill his quota on stupid naked people in the woods and with saying that the film opens with “Death by Vagina!” But the main plot of the film is about a new boy who has just moved to the small town near by the legendary Camp Wood and his name is Simon and he has just met a cute, flighty girl that makes him break out into a musical to explain his circumstance. With Simon wanting to fit in and Meg wanting to help out her new boy crush, she throws a party at Simon’s home when his parents go looking for the movers that never came. Then comes a death by bong, lots of nipples rubbing, Porkchop obliterating teenagers, a cool death by tiki torch, and a twist to the story that deals with the cute, flighty Meg character. Once again lots of fun here to enjoy as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars and more info or want to own the film you can go to: www.razorsharpstudioswv.com .

Pork-Chop_thumb

Porkchop 3D (DVD) – Or if you are lame like me you just get the 2D version because I don’t have much faith in the 3D technology. It’s very hit or miss these days. As Hardiman continues his series about the brutal killer Porkchop we last seen Porkchop and Meg hand and hand as they are father and daughter. Strangely enough the film opens up with Meg being killed but apparently Porkchop’s years of raping young women has paid off as he has another young daughter to line up potential victims? But this time supposed survivors of the past have return to Camp Wood to lure Porkchop out with a lame plan. But Porkchop’s other daughter does most of the tracking and brutal killing in this sequel as she is trying to help her father against the survivors. Hardiman figures the formula worked for all those other slashers so why not for Porkchop? I give the independent flick 2 out of 4 stars as I just felt like that spark you feel watching the first two films wasn’t there. For more info or to purchase the films check out: www.razorsharpstudioswv.com .

 

Pig Girl (DVD) – With Porkchop dead, Hardiman uses Porkchop’s daughter “Pig Girl” to continue the killing spree! But with Porkchop now dead teenagers and stupid people alike feel it’s cool to go back to Camp Wood. Example: a college dropout and his step-father take a trip to the legendary area where all the murders happened. Soon murders begin to happen again. The film seems more relying on story this time to build up the Pig Girl character since her father Porkchop was killed in the last film. Possibly to give horror fans another woman of horror to cheer for? The film has a more dramatic feel to it but no matter what Eamon Hardiman is proving he has the passion to make independent horror films on almost no budget so go support as I give it 2 out of 4 stars. For more info: www.razorsharpstudioswv.com .

 

Ghost of Mars (DVD) – Ice Cube stars as Desolation Williams a lifetime criminal on the planet Mars who has been finally caught and looks like the charges against him are going to stick. Problem is he has six murders being pinned on him he had nothing to do with and strange things are happening to the mining colonies on Mars. A special police force comes in by train into an empty mining colony to pick up Williams only to figure out they are in for a shitload of strange shit as a Marilyn Manson look-a-like leads an army of cannibalistic humans that are possessed by Martians! Not one of Carpenter’s best films but definitely worth a rewatch as I believe it got a bad rep first time around. The film also stars Pam Grier, Robert Carradine, and a unknown Jason Statham! I give the flick 2 ½ stars.

 

Dark Haul (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Tom Sizemore stars in a very confusing movie about the Jersey Devil, its origins, and its sister which shares powers with it. Over 300 years ago a prophecy foretold of the demon and since then it has been kept captive by people within the government trying to make sure the end of the world doesn’t happen if the Jersey Devil gets loose? Sounds cool but ends up being a big waste of time at the end of the day as I give the film 1 star.

 

The Possession of Michael King (DVD) – The possession movies seem to be pooped almost on a weekly basis that you can’t tell one from the other. But that is where this one differs as the movie is about a man named Michael King who believes there is no such thing as ghosts, afterlife, demons, etc. King decides he will make a documentary with cameras on him 24/7 trying to get answers or the truth on the subject of possession, demons, and ghosts as he was heartbroken by his wife’s death six months earlier. Along the way Michael King does find a demon and it takes ahold of him causing him to have evil urges towards his sister and daughter. He fights it as much as he can but Michael slowly goes insane trying to figure out how or if he can get rid of the demon that is now inside of him. It’s a great creepy roller coaster ride that has a few jump scares for the horror fan’s delight as I give the flick 3 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews and Jagoff Massacre t-shirt but also Cannibal Campout, Woodchipper Massacre, and a Spookies T-shirts also!!!! Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

And don’t forget the Paranormal Panel I will be a part of on November 8th!!! https://www.facebook.com/events/1651835591709596/?ref_dashboard_filter=upcoming