Gross Movie Reviews #608

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The Amityville Curse (Tubi) – Well kids filmmaker Eric Tessier decided to throw his hat into the ‘Amityville’ ring with entry #51 that became a TUBI exclusive. This film into the never ending franchise has a group of friends moving in together in the legendary haunted house with plans to fix and flip (interesting?). Of course it doesn’t take long for weird shit to begin happening in the house and the group of friends begin to die. They thought the ‘murder house’ thing was overblown but oh they were wrong after the first of them die and the internet freaks come to cash in on the legend? We get a séance, suicide, a priest, and even possession. The film does its best to keep it serious and connect to the original all the way to the bad ending. Now you can take that for what’s it worth as this is one of the better entries into the series but felt the filmmaker painted himself into a corner with this ending coming just to keep alive a chance of a sequel? We all know there was going to be another but this had something going like “Amityville: The Awakening” but fizzled as I give 2 ½ stars.

Bathtub Shark Attack (Theater) – Only from the brilliant mind of independent filmmaker Maddie Deering could a killer shark movie that takes place at times in a “bathtub” and star Lynn Lowry. Hello… SyFy Channel, Discovery, I think you have your next hire? A bubbly couple down on their luck happen to stumble on an offer of great proportions or let’s say cheap when they find the perfect apartment they can afford. Unbeknownst to the couple this little apartment house is home of a dark secret and few are left to talk about it as the tenants usually check in but never check out. As the longer they stay the more Cindy changes as this causes Chad to get to the bottom of the strange happenings and find out how there is a connection to an evil shark god that likes to feast on people in their tubs! This SOV throwback has everything from wall to wall gore, to Lynn Lowry, to human ritual sacrifices (sort of don’t want to give everything away), to a plumber that refuses to die, to a shark that has a dick?! You may believe you have seen every shark movie but there is no way in hell you could think of any more zanier or entertaining shark movie than Maddie Deering delivers here as I give the film 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

She Came from the Woods (Tubi) – Bad ass William Sadler stars and produces this nostalgic slasher that takes places at a summer camp 1987. It is the end of the season for Camp Briarbrook and the young staff as usual as the end of the season fire, drinking and such but this year decide hey lets be stupid and do a bloodletting ritual. This is something to do with an urban myth a decade or two back but learn the hard way this was something that really happened and camp counselors are getting shredded by an evil camp nurse from the past! This has a good pace, good formula, a good amount of blood and feel like horror fans will be in for a treat as the summer kicks along as I give this 3 stars.

Night Monster (DVD) – One those oldies but goodies from 1942 starring Bela Lugosi that I never had the pleasure seeing completely through until now. A crippled rich man summons a group of doctors to his mansion to witness a miracle but of course the doctors believe they are just there for a large donation. With the help of mystic powers the doctors’ witness the miracle and a couple refuse to believe it goes beyond modern medicine while another believes they were summon there for revenge by Mr. Ingston. The doctors one by one the doctors die but who is doing the killing as Mr. Ingston cannot even get him out of bed. A fun little oldie that is great for beginner horror movie fans as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Midnight Screening (DVD) – Supposedly this is an Indy slasher that takes place at a movie theater where employees are getting to watch the latest movie at a midnight screening before the public? But instead is an utter boring piece of trash with an ending that will leave you wanting to forget this movie actual exists. Now seriously: you have the location, a passable or possible likable cast, and this is all you come up with? Need to sleep at night watch this and you’ll be sleeping like a baby in ten minutes as I give it 0 stars.

VampyrZ on a Boat (DVD) – Not sure what in the hell I exactly watched but here goes… apparently there is a scientist on a boat that is researching an unstoppable force locked in the bottom of a vessel, a vampire. This scientist’s goal of course is to find cures for (insert whatever disease here) and figure out how this is possible? The other plotline going here is this old dude (Max) who may or may not been some kind of merc decades ago and now is old and retired getting it on with this young hottie Sara. Vampire gets loose and spreads the infection; Max gets clobbered in the head with a hammer by his friend and then gets stuck in some kind of “Groundhog Day” time loop… maybe? It kept my interest but totally sure what the fuck I watched as I give it 2 stars.

The Black Demon (DVD) – A Mexican shark film that mostly takes place on an oil rig off the coast of Mexico. Paul a rep for Nixon Oil and his family head there for a family vacation and for him to do an inspection on the oil rig to decide if it’s worth saving or decommission it. Instead they come to a dead small Mexican town and a giant shark that may or may not be a mythical god seeking revenge on those who have taken too much from the earth. If you like your shark movies a little mushy and family oriented with lots of floating body parts then you’ll be entertained as I give the shark flick 2 stars.

American Bigfoot (DVD) – Okay what in the shitty Bigfoot fuck did I stumble into as this was one of four Bigfoot movies with the same title but this was the first as it was released in 2015 and then rereleased in 2017. Zach Gilligan has a small town detective? Clint Howard as a complete throw away character? And we have a Bigfoot kid who gets shot by a hunter hunting out of season in Nelsonville and I believe the hunter was the only one that dies by the bad looking bootleg version of something from “Land of the Lost” or an old costume from Ringo Starr’s “Caveman”. Oh did I mention Bigfoot kidnaps a kid? I wish I could say this film was played for laughs but this complete mess wasn’t so stay away because I cannot give this more than 0 stars.

Deathrow Gameshow (DVD) – This is one of those movies that literally if you are over 40 you remember finding this weird over the top horror/comedy gem on Skinamax at 3am? Anyhow a nice special edition has been released in recent years finally as gain resurgence in viewing. The film is based around the most hated TV host ‘Chuck’ who hosts “Live or Die” where prison inmates have a chance to play a game and if they win they go free but usually they don’t. But the bright side is they can win cash and prizes for their families before they check out of life. On a daily basis Chuck is threaten until one day he its different a hitman comes looking for him after an incident concerning a mob boss on the Gameshow. Hijinks follows, the hitman’s mother gets blown up on the show and now Chuck wants out because he has found love. Honestly there is no true way to describe this gem from the video days than other it entertain the shit out of us when we found it late that night after the latest entry in the “Emmanuelle” series as I give it 3 stars.

McBain (Blu-ray) – For me at least this was a lost film from James Glickenhaus who did one of my favorite gritty flicks “The Exterminator”! I literally never heard of this or knew it existed but apparently Glickenhaus made another Vietnam vet getting revenge flick in 1991 that had an all-star cast that included Christopher Walken and Maria Conchita Alonso as the headliners. This bad ass film begins in South Vietnam 1973, the war is over and Santos and his army buddies are on their way home. They spot possible camp for POWs and decide they will regret it if they don’t do something. After an intense invasion they meet McBain who was a prisoner which sets the tone for the rest of the flick. 18 years later in Columbia Santos trying to help the people of Columbia to overtake a ruthless drug lord/dictator who has ruined the people and the country’s reputation but fails as he is shot on live TV. Santos sister seeks the help of McBain who gets the band back together so these army buddies can fly in, invade, and help the people of Columbia. It has a little of everything in this film including emotion which you don’t always see in these types of action films from the early 90s. The film looks crisp and clean as usual from Synapse, has a new surround sound track for the film, original trailer, and a great commentary from Glickenhaus himself and film historian Chris Poggali. A wonderful action film surprise for me and I am sure some others out there that will want to purchase this at www.synapse-films.com as I give it 3 out of 4 stars. But I was left with one question about the film: I felt like the Christopher Walken part was written for Robert Ginty? But hey that might just be me being a nerd for “The Exterminator”.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

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Check out episode 400 of Bloodbaths and Boomsticks

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This time around we bring you 3 fairly newish flicks.  First is the latest in one of the most maligned franchises in horror and that is 2022’s THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE.  Next John talks about a glacier that’s made of blood in BLOOD GLACIER (what else would it be called) Then Tim chats about the great Richard Brake as a demon that wants the souls of the elderly in BINGO HELL.  And of course we talk about yet another Amityville movie.  This time it’s THE AMITYVILLE CURSE, or Amityville 5 or…  whatever, we don’t care anymore.  Also we read your listener questions.  go over the newest news, and talk about a ton of other semi interesting topics like An Aliens television show, who the best basketball player of all time was, and the insane things old folks get up to when they are in a bingo hall.  So download this episode or Larry Bird is gonna come after you like your name was Bill Laimbeer.

Gross Movie Reviews #561

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Gross Movie Reviews #561

The Amityville Curse (DVD) – Okay kids if you are counting at home this number five in the series where a priest is murdered in his confessional thingy and someone had the bright idea to store it in the legendary haunted house. (It’s not the original house but just go with it.) We get character actor Kim Coates as part of a group of five people garb the home to fix and flip before that was a thing on TV. As they begin work on the house almost immediately supernatural shit happens or is the character Frank just crazy or is the house possessed by the confessional thingy? This movie leaves you with more questions than answers but we do get a possessed cat in the last frame of the film to keep the series alive as I give this entry 2 stars.

Easter Bunny Massacre (DVD) – During the underappreciated holiday weekend called Easter a group of high school seniors head out to party in the woods. But in the morning they wake to find one of their own has been murdered and all unsure who did it? Of course the best thing is to cover it up and a year passes only for these degenerates to be invited to an Easter celebration and go to it. All their invites is from the dead girl Heather but also this film is from the U.K. believing high school seniors care about Easter? Any hooey, another “massacre” flick off the list as I give it 1 star.

Massacre County (DVD/YouTube) – If by some chance you live overseas and reading this review the film over your neck of the woods is ‘Massacre Country’… it was made in Brazil and they are trying to cater to all audiences, Nevermind. We are immediately introduced to a clown being interrogated by authorities who they believe just massacred a group of people? Nevermind the sadistic looking farmer wearing the animal mask but there is a reason as the story unfolds. Most of the film is a story going back and forth between clown and cop telling what happened. Basically a group of horny people head for a vacation for a few days only to be met by two clowns who want to burglarize them for their money. But things get bloody and sideways quickly. A fun little weird horror flick that didn’t need to be pushing the two hour time limit or it would have been much more enjoyable as I give it 2 stars.

Amityville 1992: It’s About Time (DVD) – And onto number six but this one looks like it is somewhat coherent or at least at first glance since it stars Stephen Macht and Megan Ward. This time around Stephen Macht brings home a possessed clock home for the family from the east coast. Bottom line kids’ evil must find a new home! After Macht’s character gets chomped on by the neighborhood dog Peaches he loses his mind and draws pictures of the original Amityville home and things get weird for the whole family. It was somewhat entertaining as I give this entry 2 stars.

The Haunted Strangler (DVD/YouTube) – This late 50s flick has Boris Karloff in old school London as a novelist who is investigating a killer named “Styles” who is long dead. James believed Styles never fit the actions he was accused of and wants to look deeper into the murders that happened decades before. Rankin’s research revolves around a missing surgical knife from a doctor’s kit he believes this is the key to what he is looking for? Mr. Rankin figures out the knife was buried with Styles and digs it up but to his horror the object changes him Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde style. Every time Rankin grabs for the knife he becomes a different person and begins to murder knowing in the end the knife must be buried again or destroyed. Not the perfect gem late in Karloff’s career but still a good one to watch as clearly Karloff enjoyed the role as I give the film 2 ½ stars.

The New Invisible Man (DVD/YouTube) – The film in Mexico is known as ‘El Hombre Invisible’ and dubbed in English on the YouTube. A man named Charles Hill is wrongly accused of murder but the police want their man and he was the one found at the murder scene. Meanwhile Hill’s brother is working on a formula for invisibility that the wife of Charles hopes he perfects to use on Hill in prison to get him out. Hill’s brother makes a surprise visit to the prison hospital since authorities are worried about Charles and injects him with the experimental formula. Surprisingly the formula works and Charles is able to escape prison being hidden by his wife but the authorities are determined to track him down and bring him back. As usual Charles goes a bit insane and wants to rule the world but his insanity stops him from making the clean escape from authorities as I give this late 50s flick 2 stars.

Amityville: A New Generation (DVD) – In the seventh entry they are just throwing money around as we got a cast of Richard Roundtree, David Naughton, Terry O’Quinn, and that bad ass woman from ‘First Blood II’! A group of artists live in a building where they are planning to have an art show to show off their works when they ain’t bumping uglies. A homeless person gives a mirror to a photographer and asks him, “to look deeper”. Once the mirror enters the loft of course it is killing people who look into it because it’s from the original Amityville house again. A couple sweaty sex scenes, some gore, the photographer finds out his father was the homeless man who gave him the mirror and wants him to enter the family business of murder… supposedly? Surprisingly the film isn’t horrible but the ending seems to go on forever as I give this entry 2 stars.

Amityville: Dollhouse (DVD) – This mid-90s flick is the eighth entry into the movie series where a family moves into a newly built home in the middle of nowhere. Dad finds a replica Amityville dollhouse out back in the shed and brings it in for a birthday present for his daughter. Of course the replica doesn’t take long in possessing the newly built home and trying to kill its occupants when it isn’t causing stepmom having sex dreams of her teenage stepson causing someone who watched this to start a sub-genre for PornHub?! When the replica isn’t playing on everyone’s dream apparently it is cheaper to build a house when there is an old fireplace? Believe me pay attention as this film goes off the rails with its dialog and how the whole kids, step kids, mom and dad dynamic doesn’t make a lick of sense but it’s an Amityville film so let’s not let that get in the way of logic as I give this sequel 1 star. 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!