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Gross Movie Reviews #666

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Titanic 666 (Tubi) – Of course straight out of Asylum Entertainment this feature would have hit SyFy Channel a few years back but now it is a Tubi exclusive 18 months ago. So I finally decided to give it a chance after first hearing about it I could not believe it, but guess what kids the film is super watchable. It is 110 years after the original voyage and the new Titanic III is setting sail for its maiden voyage to pay respects to the original wreckage where it lays rest. Just like the original boat it claims to be unsinkable and people are just dying to get on board to be a part of history. But a mysterious cute redhead has hidden herself in some luggage to get on board and perform a ritual in the cargo area of the ship! This witch does a blood ritual that brings the spirits of the original Titanic to life again to haunt all on the Titanic III and take control of the ship so all living can relive the tragic events of 110 years ago. This of course causes panic among the new captain and crew as they were told the voyage was cursed but chose not to believe. I was expecting a terrible mess but instead was given something watchable and entertaining that I never thought I would say about a film called ‘Titanic 666’ as I give it 2 ½ stars.

The Bayou (On Demand) – A group of people try to fly on the cheap on an uncharted flight that just so happens to wreck into a swamp. But this isn’t just any swamp as the swamp is filled with unusually bloodthirsty gators that are all methed up and stalk all that were a part of the wreckage one by one. Yes, it is a plot that we have seen several times but this one keeps it gory and mean with a quick running time to keep us horror movie freaks happy as I give it 3 stars.

Slaughter Beach (Tubi) – Two friends are kicked out of their beach front house because none of their side gigs produced. Now the duo is forced to look for an actual job so they are not homeless. Bingo, bright idea the duo decides they can make money by getting rid of all of the crime along the beach so the two idoits become superheroes. Now the ‘Defender Benders’ drive a golf cart to help them clean up the beach but unknowingly stumble upon the beach serial killer aka the crusty bait shop dude! Stop the killer … they get paid! Sounds simple enough in this Indy feature that was silly enough for me to give 2 ½ stars too.

The Messenger (DVD) – A 1986 film that was directed and the story written by Fred Williamson but doesn’t have all the fun in this action extravaganza as it also stars Joe Spinell and Cameron Mitchell. Mr. Williamson aka Jake just got out of prison after three years and unfortunately finds out his girl has been doing some shady drug stuff. It all leads to a messy hit on her as with Jake out of prison she wants to be done with that stuff. Cops already looking side eyed at Jake, he takes a job from an old rich dude to clean up the drug dealers and bring down the bad mafia dudes who killed his girl! The film is classic Fred Williamson as it’s just a wonderful treat to watch him be a bad ass as I give the feature 2 ½ stars.

Night of the Dead Sorority Babes (DVD) – The film is an Indy talent filled feature that will have fans salivating! But of course it is ‘rush week’ at the most prestigious sorority on campus and they have some hand-picked ladies coming to visit the famous Gamma Rho Kappa house to pledge. Little do the young pledges know is that the Gamma Rho Kappa house has a process unlike others on campus. It all starts with two sisters who have been there from the beginning to make sure their evil ways continue as they use the young pledges to maintain their witchy powers. Now for the pledges the weekend is supposed to be for the young ladies to bond and not know they are there for evil sacrificing! This Indy feature is a no brakes; all gas sleazy fun sorority horror film we all remember from the 80s that with a little of its filler cut out would have horror fans declaring this a  top ten horror film of 2025 as I give it 3 out of 4 stars. All the young ladies in this just kill it in here as my real issue is the filler kinda of dragging down a near perfect Indy horror film.       

All Hail the Unknown (DVD) – A 2019 short film (32 minutes) comes from Matt Jefferson as his story is about a man named Paul who is given a chance to have all the power he would want from a mysterious woman. This woman hands Paul a small coffin and explains if he opens it he will have three tests to pass to get his wish for said power. Paul opens the box only to release a demon that guides Paul through the tests but when Paul actually passes the tests he doesn’t like the results of it even though he has power. An interesting and entertaining no budget short film that knew when to end the story as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Wounds (DVD) – Will is a bartender of a dive bar called Rosie’s that seems to know his place in life but happens to pick up a phone from some underage kids after a bar fight that is broken up. By accident Will takes it home to only get weird messages on it as he is curious and wants the owner to know he has the phone. Like most humans these days, Will cannot leave it alone and begins to respond to the weird messages only to have something weird happen to him. As some unusual visual shit begins to happen to Will his girlfriend Carrie gets suck into the process also as Will goes down a wormhole to truly find out what’s going on? But the knowledge if you call it that only drives him deeper into madness as a ritual has opened a portal for Will to go through. This is one of those horror films that will have horror fans calling it a “boring mess” or “one of the most misunderstood films of all time”. For me I enjoyed the weird premise and background on the characters involved but the payoff was not what I wanted in the end as I give the film 2 ½ stars.

Graveyard Shark (Blu-ray) – A legend about a half-shark/half-human thing stalking a graveyard has caught the eye of a Cryptids Hunter named Abby. Abby since she was a child has wanted to prove things like Sasquatch are real because her father was killed by a monster. Abby the so-called cryptozoologist is hired by a Dr. Lovnik who runs a Graveyard Shark survivors AA group. The good doctor would like Abby to chase down this legend and kill it for these survivors to have closure. Abby being super excited by this opportunity wastes no time investigating the Graveyard Shark legend and it is all because of a horny fisherman and his one night of passionate love making with a mermaid that made this creature possible. After witnessing the carnage Abby wants to end this “Street Sharks” look-a-like monster before it continues its bloody rampage but as usual there is more to this story such as: sasquatch sex, shark sex (doggie style and a young lady that believes her and the shark are a thing), and shark vs. werewolf for the final fight. WTF?! I am all in with this fun entertaining gory mess as I think I found another 2025 favorite that all of yinz need to witness as I give it 4 out of 4 stars. Also kudos on that bad ass shark costume!!!

The Lost Campfire Tales (Tubi) – A 2015 Indy film with no budget that has a group of people camping telling stories or I should say retelling scenes of their favorite slasher films of the 80s. It is a fun stupid thing for laughs but gotta say they didn’t take themselves too serious so the 50 minute film goes quick as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #659

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Halloween Massacre (Tubi) – A no budget UK horror film that comes in under 60 minutes and looks like hacked up project or pieces of film splice together has a pissed off lady Valentina looking for revenge. Apparently in the small town of Charnwood an escaped convict dressed as a clown has found other killer clown friends as they lure people into their weird home to murder. Valentina is hell bent on tracking down this horrible killer and killing him herself. There are only two redeeming scenes in this stupid mess: a) A clown faking a punch to a pregnant lady’s belly a couple times and b) the killer clown pushing a watermelon up inside a woman’s sensitive area. Outside of those two scenes the film is not very watchable so consider yourself warned if you go looking as I give it 0 stars.

Horny Teenagers Must Die! (Tubi) – An Indy feature that has a group of high school graduates all of whom are the stereotypes of slasher films past heading to a weekend cabin party. Once the young people have sex they are slaughtered shortly after. The film does a solid job of a slasher film but its biggest flaw is it does nothing or even try to do something to make it stand out from the crowd of imitators as I could only give it 1 ½ out of 4 stars.

Swabian Granny Gore Terror (Blu-ray) – This crazy no budget gore flick is straight out of Germany in 2019 where the film can also be found under the title ‘Demonic Murder Granny’. Some bitchy old lady eats a random jar of raspberries from 1867 in her basement to quickly transform into a monster. Once transformation is completed she is on the hunt to launch an assault on drug-addled criminals, lazy construction dudes, rando dudes getting high, and a handicapped dude for shits and giggles. So if you consider entertainment “crazy granny killing randos in a gory manner” then this project is for you as I give it 2 stars.

Livescream (Blu-ray) – Scott is a gamer who streams his game playing online and has gathered a few followers over the time he has been doing it. Well an unknown fan has sent Scott a new horror game to play online for his audience. Scott is excited as he jokes with it being called a “haunted game” but also finds it a little sketchy that he had no knowledge of this game existing? Scott reads the instructions non-seriously then jumps into the gameplay but quickly dies in the game as this is where the movie takes a turn as the game explains there are consequences with playing this horror game. The viewers of Scott quickly become victims as they mysteriously disappear or killed but the kick in the ass is Scott will die also if he quits. As he continues with the gameplay Scott increasingly becomes nervous that his viewers are literally dying by his hands if he doesn’t accomplish finishing each level. I honestly haven’t played video games on any regular basis since I completed Resident Evil 3 on my PlayStation (or otherwise I am old) but I quite enjoyed the premise of the film, the design, and the bare bones but effective storytelling. For a gamer or a younger movie watcher it will feel interactive if you allow yourself to be entertained as I give this no budget project 3 out of 4 stars.

Hell’s Trap (Blu-ray) – Here is a 1989 Mexican thriller about two macho dudes who want to settle their competition with each other by going bear hunting in the mountains. A bear has recently been blamed for a few deaths of hunters who were recently there so what better way to settle a bet between friends than going bear hunting. They are warned they may find more than they bargain for which of course they quickly find in a crazed American war vet who wears a mask, has a bat cave, and a Freddy glove aka metal bear claw to slaughter folks that come looking his way. Nacho and friends have enough charm along with the crazy killer to keep horror fans entertained for this one as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Dinosaur Prison (Tubi) – A trio of women break into a highly secured (which is laughable) prison that is being used for animal testing. To the young ladies surprise they find dinosaurs imprisoned in the cells. Honestly this idea should have died in the first two minutes when no one questions them wandering around taking pictures but ignore the giant plot hole including the security guard that never shoots them but threatens too way too many times to count. Anyhow the women are captured by security and a weird so-called doctor dude that looks like an extra from a Willy Wonka stage play explains he is behind the experiments but he needs them to get the word out about the dinosaurs. Sounds all well and good until the so-called high-tech prison (again, where are your cameras) malfunctions and the dinosaurs find themselves free to start eating people. I wanted to laugh more at this film but it kept trying to be too serious as I can only give it a ½ star.

Murder for Pleasure (DVD) – An early project from filmmaker Derek Braasch that was released in 2016 as its plot revolves around a young man named Victor. Victor goes to see a professional as he struggles with his anger ever since his parents were killed in a restaurant several years ago. Victor’s struggles are getting the best of him as the only answer seems to be to kill those who he believes deserve it to calm the tendencies. As the film progresses Victor doesn’t just murder people but also torture them as he ups the level of violence ‘August Underground’ style! The story of Victor has flaws but it is something that can be seen as entertaining in the sense of a young man losing himself in his insanity and loss of parents at a young impressionable age  as I give the Indy film 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #652

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Space Sharks (On Demand) – In this Indy CGI-fest space debris falls to earth to have killer plants killing hikers in the mountains and a weird POV camera that is supposed to be a space shark stalking people. Not a whole lot happens in this 60 minute feature and that is without the long ass credits but besides you falling asleep there is of course a conspiracy about space sharks. Honestly, I was expecting more with a title like that but was very disappointed as this movie should give its cool title back as I give it 0 stars so consider yourself warned.

Crackcoon (Amazon) – Yes, admittedly I was a little critical of this recent Brad Twigg feature because I thought it missed the boat (Cocaine Bear)? Well thank Mr. Twigg for proving me wrong as the film opens with a quite fun death scene as super crack has hit the streets! This new strain of drugs is turning people into crazed killers so imagine when a couple drug dealers throw their stash out the window and a raccoon gets ahold of it. The drugged murder-crazed animal wastes no time going on a murderous rampage all over the mountain where it lived. Meanwhile a forest ranger who has no business being married to Jessa Flux just wants the small town sheriff to take these animal attacks serious. The story is outrageous, loved the cast (the Frankie character steals the film), hilarious kills, and special thanks to filmmaker Brad Twigg for restoring my faith that a good Indy movie can be made out of a terrible idea that was most likely said out loud when everybody was drunk… I give the film 3 out of 4 stars.

Death Streamer (Full Moon) – Charles Band is working his black magic again of going back to what made Full Moon, Full Moon? Small cast, great location, and an interesting horror story to be told as it worked in the early 90s and it has been working again here in the 2020s. With this new bloodsucker film has a vampire live streaming his feedings at an S&M club to select viewers. But to the vampire’s disgust some web show investigators called ‘Church of Chills’ stumble upon this unique and intriguing show. They want to know if the murders are staged or actually real to get the clicks, the interest in their show uncovering this hidden gem. Once they dive head first into the history of the club they find out a lot more than they bargain for. Saying it out loud it may sound like you have seen several versions of this plot already but do me a favor and let your guard down on this one. It’s worth the quick watch as Mr. Band is clearly establishing a new wave of Full Moon fun in Cleveland, Ohio as I give this film 3 out of 4 stars.

Monster Bash (Tubi) – I can always look forward to Asylum Entertainment making hot garbage from time to time that is so damn watchable as you had me at Michael Madsen is Dr. Frankenstein. The good doctor is sending his monster out into the night to collect things for a certain experiment he needs to perform as his life is coming to an end. His goal is to become a god among men or to become an unkillable abomination by collecting certain things from Dracula, Mummy, The Invisible Man, and Wolfman. This causes an unlikely team-up to stop the madman Dr. Frankenstein. The movie is so terrible its brilliant as you should grab the friends and beer and enjoy this for what it is and be happy it exists as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Glowzies (Tubi) – So a trio of mountain bikers happens to come upon an old mill building that has been fenced off for years. But the three unleash something that has been trapped for the past three decades until the government can decide a proper clean up but have forgotten about it. Doesn’t take long for glowy-eyed zombies attacking people but that is the least of the plotlines here as the material making everyone a zombie is an alien element that had the government decide to leave the survivors there after they try to mind swipe them? Or just have old dudes called ‘the watchdogs’ to scream at anyone “don’t go up there” that comes even remotely close to the location. What’s the solution for the zombies, how about surf music as it makes their heads explode which allows me to give the film 2 stars.

Blood and Breakfast (Vimeo) – This Indy feature from Mark Byrne has worked in the Indy genre for several years and his latest project is a clever concept that stars a few familiar Indy vets that fans will enjoy. Story centers on an old fashion bed and breakfast ‘The Amberson House’ where several strangers staying there happen to share stories and understand they have all been survivors of a serial killer. The strangers staying at the inn after sharing their stories are now being picked off one by one. The film feels like an old school horror tale to be told but at the same time the film from beginning to end felt like it was missing something I could never put my finger on that would put it over big as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

Chum (DVD) – Another Indy film project from Jason Graves where within a few years into the future the great white shark has gone extinct. But this hasn’t stopped scientists from engineering a new breed of shark to make a comeback. Of course learning nothing from ‘Jurassic Park’ the baby sharks get released and head off to chomp down on some humans in the closest small town. When describing the film or watching the trailer it looks fun but by the end you feel more annoyed than entertained by the baby rubber sharks as I give it 1 ½ stars.   

Festival of the Living Dead (Tubi) – So this horror movie exists in some weird space for horror fans as its main plot is the events of ‘Night of the Living Dead’ in 1968 were real. Now fast forward to present time a young woman ‘Ash’ who is the granddaughter of Ben has a chance to attend the 55th Festival of the Living Dead music event that celebrates those who died then. Ash’s bestie Iris decides to watch Ash’s brother so she can have a birthday of a lifetime but instead after her boyfriend wrecks the car taking a short cut the group quickly figure out there is flesh-eaters taking over! The day quickly becomes the worst birthday ever as Ash, Iris, and friends must survive the zombie attack before they nuke the event in order to control the outbreak. I give the film 3 stars as it is a solid story and I may not be a fan of the end or ending of a certain character I do feel this will be a tough watch for horror fans or more specifically NOTLD fans to give a fair viewing? Before you judge this flick let’s remember horror fans there is a project called “Children of the Living Dead” and someone thought it was a good idea to film new footage to the original 1968 film? So take this one in with a grain of salt and I will be here to discuss after viewing if needed.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!