Gross Movie Reviews #690

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Infinite Santa 8000: Web Series (YouTube) – Before there was a full feature there was this holiday animated horror treat that was just mind blowing and thought it was time for a revisit for those of yinz that haven’t witnessed the awesomeness. The web series was conducted into 13 short episodes that ran a little over two minutes (a couple seconds less or more on a couple) paired with some bad ass thrashing music for the intro and outro. This story is set in a post-apocalyptic world a thousand years from now where all that is left is mutants and Robo people. Believed to be the only one left Santa lives a quiet life but he also must kill for food these days in order to survive these harsh future times. The mystical man is also a gun totting, machete wielding, flame throwing son of a bitch as mutants find ultimate death at his hands. But in a world with no hope a young girl named Martha comes into Santa’s life as they become quick friends. Unbeknownst to either Martha is a pawn used to get Santa out of hiding for an evil doctor to do experimentation on the fat jolly old fool for his magical powers of survival all these years. Santa and Martha escape the evil doctor’s clutches for now in search of a safe place in the wasteland but in this sadistic creature filled future there is nowhere to hide! The music is bad ass, the animation is wonderful, and after all these years the story still holds up as I always like to call this “Animated Santa in Mad Max world”. So this holiday season do yourself a favor and go watch this “FREE” web series on the YouTubes n’at to check out what some cool Indie folk did about 15 years ago as I give this project 4 out of 4 stars.

10/31 Part 4 (Blu-ray) – The popular Indie anthology series is back with a few stories and trailers to scare you. The first story called ‘Ejecdead’ focuses on a VHS tape brings a killer to life on Halloween when watched as a crazy horror fan tries to keep a Halloween tradition alive finds out the hard way after renting it. The second story ‘Haig’s Heart’ is about revenge as an owner of a chocolate bar factory gives away all his stock for Halloween as he poisoned it all. The third story ‘The Witch’s Curse’ revolves around sisters being witches and being slaughtered in 1969. Now their home has become part of a reality show for Halloween. The fourth story ‘Moonlight Massacre’ is about a young man being bitten by a werewolf then trying to deal with it. The trailers in-between stories were a lot of fun, my highlight of this whole project may have been ‘The Gravestalkers’ trailer as that looks to have a lot of potential if made into a feature? Anyhow everything was solid in this entire project but this anthology felt more forced than natural if it makes sense? Plus I have felt the last entry; Part 3 was the best of the bunch where everything finally came together. It’s possible this might be the time to put this Halloween tradition to bed as it may have run its course as I liked the effort this time around but this series may have peaked with the third film as I give this 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

The Hand that Feeds the Dead (Blu-ray) – This rare early 70s Euro film stars the infamous Klaus Kinski and up until recently was believed to be lost here in America until Full Moon gave it a proper release with subtitles over the past year or so. This time piece has a professor secluded to a mansion with his so-called wife where he kidnaps young women to perform experimental skin grafts to said wife in hopes of correcting her injuries she suffered in a fire ten years ago. As females from the village continue to disappear and a stranded couple at the mansion becomes curious with authorities Kinski’s character knows he must finish his work sooner than later. As usual Kinski is bigger than life on screen and sleazy as usual as this lost euro film will fill the black hearts of some horror fans as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Space Goblins (YouTube) – An animated short film that has a duo of space goblins who are bounty hunters that somehow feels like a lost idea from MTV’s ‘Liquid Television’ for those weirdos old enough to remember it. In this 26 minute galactic weirdness has the odd duo tracking down a criminal to a planet with a bar called “The Glory Pole” as long as they ain’t bitching about goblin life in space and paying taxes they always get their man or alien! An odd but hilarious project that could even be described as a dark episode of ‘Galaxy High’ Saturday morning cartoon as the space goblins scour the galaxy to bring in the crud for payment in hopes of bringing peace for all. This is a project has quite a lot of potential as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Silent Night, Deadly Night (Remake/Theater) – So this was the second time around for the 1984 classic to remade that caught myself and a lot of horror fans by surprise of being made. Of course being a huge fan of the original I had to see what the hell they were going to do this time around… and folks I really liked this one! Without trying to give things away because I feel this remake needs to be seen to be believed as the filmmaker and writers flipped this story on its head. What do I mean by this? They figured out how to pay homage to the original but at the same time understanding retelling of the original story just wouldn’t work these days. Best way to describe this film: Killer Santa somehow transforms into an anti-hero who at one point kills Nazis! Yes, folks all the elements of the original with Billy becoming a Killer Santa are there but they do it in such a glorious way for 2025 that we even get the famous line: “It’s Garbage Day”. This is one of those remakes that I am curious to see if it makes an impact enough for horror fans to enjoy two or three holiday seasons from now as that 2012 remake was solid but missed the point of the 1984 original. You gave me lots of blood, an odd take on Killer Santa that surprised me it worked, and finally a small town in a horror film where everyone is a POS, for that I cannot believe I am saying this I give this project 4 stars and wouldn’t be surprised it sneaks into my “top ten” for 2025. Horror fans seriously don’t miss out on seeing this film in the theaters it was a lot of fun!

The Mean One (Tubi) – Finally giving this a watch that is the horror version of ‘The Grinch’ oh I am sorry legally they are not allowed to call that as they call “it”, ‘The Green Monster’ or ‘The Mean One’. Cindy returns to her family home many years after her mother was supposedly killed by a green monster in a Santa suit on Christmas. With her appearance and wanting to celebrate Christmas in the town that doesn’t celebrate the holiday any longer she brings death as ‘The Green Monster’ reappears again. Of course the cops claim they don’t believe her and want Cindy to go away but after Cindy does training and becomes bootleg Lucy Lawless for a hot minute she is ready to go hunting for this creature. The film parodies ‘The Grinch’ from beginning to end but what I was looking for never happened unless you consider the green monster was supposed to be Santa Claus??? I wanted an explanation to this thing and how it existed, not a feature length horror parody that cannot legally use the name. I know it’s cruel but this was just above a large turd as I give it a ½ star.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #553

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Gross Movie Reviews #553

The Deep House (On Demand) – A new French haunted house flick that immediately changes the rules when the haunted home is underwater. Anyway a young couple whose biggest thing is getting the clicks as they want sell their footage of haunted places to a network or be paid to have it stream as they have made it a habit to visit haunted places around the world. They hear about this underwater house in a village and seek it out only to find out it has become a popular tourist attraction. The couple meets a man who agrees to take them to a part of the lake that no one visits but there are odd stories about the family never left before they flooded the area for the dam in the 80s. The young couple dives down to check it out only to creep each other out for the footage. But as they swim deeper into the water logged home weird sounds can be heard and they follow them only to find a couple who is chained above a pentagram in a room. Of course they freak out when the creep factor is turned up past ten when the corpses’ eyes open! This haunted didn’t exactly hit the sweet spot for me but I can definitely express that the new horror fans will enjoy this scare show as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Creature From the Haunted Sea (DVD) – A fun early Roger Corman drive-in film from 1961 where a gangster is asked to smuggle loot of Cuba. Once in his possession, on a boat, and out at a sea, the crew comes up with a hoax of a sea monster to steal the loot. Problem the monster is real and begins killing the people aboard. A cheesy black and white monster romp worth seeking out to have for the home drive-ins as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Hobgoblins 2 (DVD) – Yes, the first was so bad I couldn’t stay away from the sequel which was released twenty years later in 2009. This time it begins in an insane asylum where a group of students learn about the Hobgoblins. After the mad doctor who is trying to teach the class says the name Hobgoblins three times the creatures are back to life and causing havoc. Once again the students must face their fears in order to conquer these lame creatures. The first film was bad this sequel is somehow ten times worse as I cannot recommend this as I have to give it 0 stars.

Treasure of the Amazon (DVD) – A true story based on treasure hunters in 1958 South America which apparently included the great Donald Pleasence playing an-ex-Nazi soldier who wants the treasure to restart the “Third Reich”. Anyway, three groups of people enter the jungle against all odds to find a treasure of a lifetime. The treasure is gold and diamonds but even if found the groups have to contend with the cannibal tribe that lives within the jungle. If that isn’t enough there are killer crabs as they destroy an individual. It was some pretty cool effects. The film has a few dull points but still does a solid job of giving a thrilling adventure as I give it 2 stars.

New York Ninja (DVD) – A legit ninja film from 1984 and filmmaker John Liu but it was never finished until now. The original negative was found recently, restored, voiceover work done, and some editing (which included rewriting an ending) and poof in all its glory the film has been finally released for all the ninja fans to enjoy. Of course 1984 New York is being overrun by criminal activity and John’s wife is killed while she tried to stop abduction. John learning of this tragic news takes it upon himself that New York needs a hero, a ninja hero who threatens to clean up the city of crime. His revenge is to track down criminals and try to find the big man himself “Plutonium Killer” and put an end to his carnage. This flick is outlandish fun that loses some steam getting to the finish line as I give it 2 ½ stars.

American Rickshaw (DVD) – Nothing like an Eye-talian flick set in Miami where a young dude named Scott runs an American Rickshaw as a job to put himself through college when he isn’t helping old Asian women in the rain. One night Scott gets coaxed by a beautiful lady after a ride to join her for some bumping uglies… But quickly Scott finds out he is part of amateur porn and beats the guy up with the camera. Problem is Scott grabs the wrong tape when he leaves upset and goes back to get the real tape of him on it to destroy it. Bigger problem happens because there is a hitman that was looking for a key the porn director carried and lost during the fight with Scott. Boat is on fire, cops get involved, more people die, Scott is being blamed while the hitman is trying to retrieve the key. Oh by the way the old lady Doctor Strange is in a lifelong battle with TV preacher Donald Pleasence because he is the devil who fights a snake and a cat in a 60 second segment of the movie. Yes, the movie is a complete mess but I dare you to stop watching this confusing yet entertaining action/thriller as I give it 2 ½ stars for the mess it is.

George A. Romero Presents Deadtime Stories Volume Two (DVD) – Again enjoyed the stories being read by George Romero and his little quips but the stories I felt lacked passion this time around. The first segment is about three young adventures that go into a cave and do not come back the same when they need rescued. The second segment is about a professor at Sabbath Hill University who sleeps with one of his unstable students who commits suicide in his class because all in the class are not allowed to miss class and it comes back to haunt him. The third segment is about dust from the surface of Mars that is to be studied but believed by a doctor it could be a cure for cancer. So a distraught security guard steals it to cure his cancer-riddled wife only to find it has some cannibalistic effects. Maybe the stories were just dated but this sequel to the first anthology felt uninspiring as I give it 1 star.

Schizoid (DVD) – You know you are in for a crazy time when the first person listed in the credits of the film is Klaus Kinski. This creepy thriller has Kinski as a doctor who holds a therapy group session on Tuesday and Thursdays. He believes it actually works for all involved but a black gloved stalker about to be killer is tired of them all and wants them dead one by one. Letters are being sent to Julie as she has an advice column and part of the group but has a tough time getting the police to believe the letters should be taken seriously. This ‘who dun it’ flick isn’t trying to reinvent the genre but anytime you involve 1980 crazy ass Klaus Kinski you are gonna have a fun time watching that film as I give it 3 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Finally we got a new episode of Bloodbaths and Boomsticks up (we are lazy you know)

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 After a brief intermission we are back to talk about a true horror classic in THE HOWLING.  A truly bad sci-fi flick that has a ton of insanity in JOHNNY MNEMONIC. And a flick that Kyle recently found and flipped his wig over in CRAWLSPACE starring our old pal Krazee-pants Klaus Kinski.  Also we get to your questions and have all sorts of bullshitting, shit shooting, and witless banter.

 

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

EPISODE 205