Category Archives: Gross Movie Reviews

Gross Movie Reviews #677

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Gone with the Dead (Tubi) – A west coast independent zombie virus film where a virus has been unleashed onto an innocent population that is now turning them into flesh eaters! The film mainly centers on an extremely annoying group of people who spend most of the movie deciding what should be done during an outbreak of mutant rabies. I would love to say this was fun but the film quickly takes an uninteresting turn with the group so yinz are on your own if go into this as I cannot give it any stars.  

Night of the Juggler (DVD) – This wild thriller about a kidnapping gone wrong is set in 1980 New York with James Brolin as Boyd whose daughter is mistaken for a rich landlord’s daughter. Hell as the kidnapping happens early in the film and then its followed by an absolutely bad ass chase scene between Boyd and this weird kidnapper known as the ‘juggler’ that goes for twenty minutes. Boyd is an ex-cop, now divorced truck driver trying to do the right thing for his daughter on her birthday by fighting New York’s finest who have a grudge against Boyd while tracking down the weirdo. If you are like me and never came across this film years ago it is worth the time now to track it down and enjoy all the New York regulars as I give it 3 stars.

Bio-Zombie (Blu-ray) – If you were checking out rare horror bootleg films in the early 90s you came across this Asian gem that I once called “the Asian version of Beavis and Butthead fighting zombies in a mall”. Invincible and Bee are two hoodlums who run a bootleg movie and game shop but also work for a low level boss. After an incident with a random stranger and their boss’ car, they feed him the energy drink he asked for before death and throw him into the trunk. Dead guy escapes, follies galore, and a new zombie virus quickly spread throughout the mall with only Invincible and Bee left to stop it. A super entertaining rewatch with commentaries, interviews, and a bunch of fun stuff that will make you even a bigger Asian zombie fan as I give it 4 stars all the way!

Sharkdemic (Blu-ray) – Buyer beware of this project as it feels like a YouTube clip show from Japan that was turned into a feature of sorts. A young man in Japan claims he saw a flying shark which sets off a war on all sharks, I guess. When flying sharks are not enough for you, weird looking ocean life shows up with chainsaws to kill humans. This is a weird, wild, no budget piece of chaos that was not meant everyone and most likely works better in short bits in my opinion as I give it 1 star.

The Jar (Blu-ray) – A super slow oddity that really isn’t a horror film about a dude named Paul who helps an old man with a large jar only for said old man to disappear in his apartment but the jar is left. Paul stares at this jar and quickly has weird visions as he tries to destroy this strange thing but it keeps coming back to haunt him. As the film creeps along Paul’s visions get extremely more bizarre as he has flashbacks of war, being pinned to a cross, has sex with the woman down the hall then she changes into the old dude from the beginning of the film which just sends Paul over the edge. All this ends with an ending that is really a non-ending but you do get some answers in the commentary and interviews that are packed into this special edition as I give the revisit 2 stars.

Radioactive Flesh Eating Foliage (DVD) – In 2015 someone had a hilarious idea with no budget and went hog wild… and I was entertained with this little project that also features Mel Heflin and Nadia White. Somewhere in the Maryland Mountains, nature has been abused with chemicals too long as there are stories of trees attacking hikers in this fun SOV feature. Even though there is this legend of “the goatman” and other stories of ghosts, there have been too many rumors about trees trying to kill! So the only thing to do is hire two convicts with guns to wander into the wilderness only to become victims themselves of this ‘nature gone bad’ independent horror film that has lots of boobs and people being attacked by branches held by people off-screen. I know there isn’t much of an ending and it sounds super corny but it did make me laugh a few times and that I got to give 2 ½ out of 4 stars for that.

Jacker (DVD) – A 1993 SOV feature that stars Phil Herman as Mike aka “The Jacker”. This mysterious young man with an unusual mean streak enjoys looking for easy victims. No one is immune to Mike killing with no remorse as his girlfriend finds out at home when Mike claims “he needs to make a living” then kills her. The victims pile up rather quickly which causes people to eventually call Mike “The Jacker” especially for his teasing and torturing of victims. A detective named Jackson gets so frustrated with the case of Mike and knowing he is the killer that he must risk losing his job to rid society of this menace. Oh for sure this project is rough around the edges and another bold undertaking for Phil Herman and friends to pull off but again there is a weird charm about the New York accent and what exactly is this film is supposed to be as I give it 2 ½ out 4 stars. P.S. for all that need to know a twenty something Phil Herman shows off his naked ass!

Jacker 2: Descent to Hell (DVD) – Not a lot of time passes by as they did this sequel in 1996 where “The Jacker” who was believed dead has returned. Jackson now a disgraced cop after throwing the suspect off the bridge is upset “The Jacker” has called him to let Jackson know he will be around. Six months pass and “The Jacker” gets his revenge but that is not enough for this figure as the story leans heavily into this mysterious Mike turning him into a mythical or even spiritual unknown evil. With that Mike continues his killing spree in this no budget sequel that even has “The Jacker” being haunted by his past which makes the film even odder? There is a scene where Mike is shot several times by a carjacker and Phil Herman’s character is even surprised by the event… This sequel is so wild and offbeat I am not sure if there was a legit explanation I would be satisfied with but it kept me interested as I give the feature 2 ½ out of 4 stars. P.S. The Jacker does a great Darkman impression in a scene to surprise another character, fun no budget stuff.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #676

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Cyclone (DVD) – An odd disaster film from 1978 that has a shark on the cover and has you think you are getting sharks eating people the whole film? We don’t… as this boring but yet at the same time wildly interesting film goes in a whole other direction. Pretty much the movie opens with a warning of a bad storm coming so we witness a plane crash land at sea and two boats become stranded. The passengers of the plane of who survived are wounded and the sharks arrive for a feast but three days later as they still float at sea one of the boats find them with shortly after the bigger charter boat that is stranded because of no gas finds them. This sets the rest of the picture for some really long dull parts of survivors of the storm having no food or water. So cannibalism it is kids! First they eat the dog, and then they chop up a dude that just died! They carve pieces of him and throw it on top of the boat to dry out in the hot Caribbean Sea, yep shit gets real dark. The movie is around two hours and crazy dull with moments of really dark inhuman shit as I give this must see to believe oddity 2 stars.

Raiders of the Lost Shark (DVD) – A Canadian shark film where a shark is on the loose feeding on all who enter the water. Supposedly the shark is a product of something mysterious going on an island across the water so of course some college students say “cool beans” and go investigate! At the same time their professor is hired to kill this eating machine as she has had experience in the past but somehow there has been experiments going on at the island the whole time. The film was produced by Indie vet Brett Kelly and for me at least there is no in-between on the films he is involved with: either really good or like this one pretty bad. This film really just didn’t know how to be a killer shark film as it felt like a mish mash of several which I can only give it 1 out of 4 stars.

Killing Spree (Blu-ray) – Terrorvision put out a recent cool version of this early Tim Ritter flick that is packed full of extras, commentaries, and made me want to sit down and rewatch this classic again as I haven’t checked it out in over twenty years. We are introduced to Tom, an ordinary dude who works hard, tries to avoid the nosey neighbors, and hang with his hot wife at home. Sounds reasonable until work has cut his check by 40% which makes Tom think about a second job as he doesn’t want his wife Lisa going back to work. On top of that Tom believes his wife Lisa is boinking every dude that enters the house that eventually sends him on a “killing spree”! Even decades later this underground classic works as the downward spiral of the character Tom slipping into his madness is brilliant with the fun lighting of the killing moments and its inventive kills. But wait there is more but why spoil it if by some chance you haven’t had the pleasure of enjoying this Tim Ritter film that has a excellent payoff as I give it 4 out of 4 stars.

The Violence Movie Part One and Two (DVD) – Two SOV short films that were shot in 1988, then had some footage added in 2003, then scored by Harry Manfredini! WTF? These early shorts are from The Wilkinson Brothers, who one of them went to Hollywood to work on many projects but like many filmmakers in the 80s they loved ‘Friday the 13th’.  So they picked up a camera as teenagers, grabbed a friend, and made a masked killer slasher that included a goalie mask of course. The DVD includes commentary, alternate endings, deleted scenes, among other fun tidbits as I give the project 3 out of 4 stars.

Scream Park (DVD) – A forgotten 2012 moderately budget horror film that was made at an amusement park just north of Pittsburgh, Pa. The plot involves the “Fright Land Amusement Park” closing because of bankruptcy. The manager has a meeting with the skeleton crew of employees to explain how and why of the park’s closing. At the same time a mysterious dark van shows up in the parking lot that evening. Of course said manager is convinced to let the young employees’ party in the park since this it for all of them but the mystery thickens as each of them start to disappear and two masked figures roam the park. This is one of those films that probably had the best intentions on paper but once filming it all became a huge mess to say it kindly as you are not missing much with this project as I give it 1 star for the mere reason of Steve Rudzinski being casted in it.

Dinogore (DVD) – Friends head out to Uncle Dante’s cabin for the weekend as this project starts off really slow. But the party gets going with its three PBRs as it is interrupted by an earthquake that awakens a dinosaur who roams the woods to snack on humans. A lot of time is spent on the characters not wrapping their head around a dinosaur is trying to eat them but this might have just been an example of how hard it was to make a movie during COVID? I believe I have seen better from the filmmaker and from the cover of the movie you would expect it to be a lot of fun as I didn’t laugh once so I give the dud 0 out of 4 stars.

Lunchmeat (DVD-R) – This 1987 underground independent movie inspired quite a few filmmakers out there and what is weird this film still isn’t out there legit on any format other than the VHS many years ago as far as I can see? Six friends head to a cabin for the weekend of course only to be low on beer, food, and gas. After stopping at the burger joint and the film introducing two of the three hillbillies who are going to ruin their weekend it sets the stage for a low budget gorefest.  The hillbillies set a plan in motion to detour the group and hopefully use them as fresh meat to eat! From there it becomes a game of survival for both groups as they run around the woods trying to survive this low budget ordeal. Time hasn’t been kind to this grisly fun film but it is still a classic to many as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Dark Match (Shudder) – This is the latest from Lowell Dean who gave us ‘Wolf Cop’ and because of that this dude he will always have my attention with any project. Set in the late 80s wrestling world where “SAW” wrestling promotion has made a name for itself but has seen its better days in Canada. They are contacted to do a show for big money in the middle of nowhere and their shady ass promoter isn’t going to turn it down. So the wrestlers pack up the trucks and drive to the middle of nowhere only to walk into some oddness. Along the way a featured bad guy or girl in this case ‘Miss Behave’ is having dreams or visions of satanic rituals, fire, and the championship belt? Things get real weird after a night of drugged induced mischief and the bad guys are being guarded in a locked room by armed guards during the event. Five matches, five sacrifices, to make the ritual happen or so says the “Prophet” a former wrestler from the past who feels wronged by SAW. Cults, wrestling, gore, and the possibility of Satan what isn’t there to enjoy as I give this feature 3 stars.

Creature from the Hillbilly Lagoon (DVD) – Oh this was a fun independent feature as to me it comes off as ‘Humanoids from the Deep’ remade as a comedy, on a low budget, with a great creature costume! This 2007 film features a story about a local professor and her students out on a field trip of sorts to test the local waterway for toxins. The reason for this is there have been reports of toxic dumping from a giant corporation years ago along with some recent toxic dumping by others. They want to know how polluted is it? There have been rumors of mutations but never proven. The field trip is going well until one of them is bitten by something mysterious underwater. As he slowly changes hillbillies roaming the shoreline are being slaughtered by a disgusting creature and if by some chance they survive the attack they become deformed and change. From beginning to end this project is hilarious with a great cast that plays up the hillbilly parts just right but the star has to be the impressive creature they cobbled together as I give this entertaining creature feature 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Movies to Watch on a Rainy Afternoon: Troma Edition (Blu-ray) – Now I checked this out 2019 when Addison just released this fun edition on DVD so with the new Blu-ray, it was time for me to check this out again with my daughter who is a huge fan of Mr. Binek’s projects. Now Addison being the smart dude he is didn’t just go for any Troma titles he went for the second tier kids! Here is the list he tackles: Rabid Grannies, Hectic Knife, B.C. Butcher, Troma’s War, Getting Lucky, Redneck Zombies, Slaughter Party, and Star Worms II: Attack of the Pleasure Pods. Over two hours of Troma hilarity. Addison goes with masks, a Troma cake, low budget fireworks, spitting up, jumbo being stapled to a wig to explain a brain, and reading a Fangoria with his feet to get his riffs over on these features. There are times I literally laughed out loud especially during B.C. Butcher and Hectic Knife (which Addison’s good friend is behind that project). Redneck Zombies seem to be the tough one out of the bunch but that didn’t stop Addison riffing on it and making fun of himself doing it. The beauty of this edition is instead of Lloyd condemning or being upset by this he embraces Addison’s fandom, ideals, and intelligence to put together a great product for not just Troma fans to enjoy but movie lovers as once again I give this entertaining project 4 out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #675

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Slimoids (DVD) – This 2018 Indy flick hasn’t been talked about much in the Indie community so I thought it was time to check this project out… Well folks this has some cool people in front and behind the camera with some cool ass creatures that I believe were done by the great talent Dustin Mills. Story goes a scientist creates three small but deadly creatures to help her get revenge against her former colleagues who thought she was going too far with their experiments? No time is wasted in people being killed by these creatures in such a grisly manner that Charles Band would be jealous of the puppet and effects work with these small creatures done on such a small budget! This evil scientist enjoys her venture into human experimentation as she enjoys her creations being called “Mistakes of science”. I quite enjoyed the effort put into this project as it has that direct-to-video creature feature vibe from the late 80s written all over it as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Freak (DVD) – Not too long ago this Indy adventure decided to go in a different direction with the usual ‘killer in the woods’ stuff Indy fans were used too. This project has the same layout but an exciting surprise as five young friends head out to the woods for a weekend that has historic creepy mysterious stories about it. Be careful for what you wish for as the legend of Arthur Crenshaw haunts the campground where these kids are staying at. A little suspense, believable characters, and a super interesting creature makes for a fun creature feature as Arthur Crenshaw slaughters his way through the campground. Another great low budget gory monstrous tale worth checking out as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Death Reel (Blu-ray) – Oh this is a treat for SOV fans as this limited release a few years back features a few unreleased short films from the Polonia Brothers from 1983-1985. The tales feature the very young duo at the time tackling a killer scarecrow, things going too far at a cabin, a maniac and a cult. I believe all the tales at the time were shot on Super-8. A wraparound story is made up of a movie guy named Marty who won these short films at an auction and heads home to watch these films. The wraparound is kind of annoying but that doesn’t take away from how special this is as we get to see how The Polonia Brothers first started. If anything this should be used to inspire people to “still make their own damn movie” to use someone’s phrase once as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Sand World (DVD) – This rather recent Mark Polonia directed film of course is to cash in on the new ‘Dune’ films as a mining ship must land for repairs. The crew lands only to immediately to be greeted by these cool looking sand worm creatures that would have been great for a different “creature feature” (that is for a different conversation). The crew quickly figures out sound attracts them and knows they need to stay alive long enough to get the repairs done so they can lift off. But the crew’s acting captain is haunted by visions from the planet even though she has never visited this mysterious place. The crew and acting captain struggle with their new environment as they try to make sense of what exactly this planet is? If you are a straight up Polonia dude this may not be your cup of tea but if you are a sci-fi nerd this feature may strike a nerve or two with you to enjoy a B-movie version of ‘Dune’ in so many ways as I give this 2 out of 4 stars.

Wolf Moon Rising (Vimeo) – Todd Sheets is one of the most respected filmmakers in the Indy genre and I just enjoy when he decides to make a movie that most wouldn’t even dream to attempt. I really do feel like someone said “werewolves in space” to Mr. Sheets and without hesitation decided the film needed to be made?! The film jumps right into action as it opens up with a military transport ship in trouble as werewolves have overrun the transport ship in a glorious bloodbath of an opening. With the ship in trouble and crew pretty much dead a survivor kicks the last werewolf into a cryo tube as she jumps in hers in hopes of survival. Another ship called Amberstar receives the distress call but must make it quick as the damage has left the transport ship in critical condition. The Amberstar crew works hard to bring aboard the cryo tubes with odd readings but wants to do the right thing of saving the two beings? The tubes open and within minutes the beast is loose again within the Amberstar crew dealing with the aftermath as their biggest worry of the “space crud” being released has come true. Now Mr. Sheets has said this film is the vein of Roger Corman, I go one step further as to me this film has the vibe of ‘The Terror Within’ from 1989 which was released by Concorde Pictures. Is the film perfect… no, but you got to outright respect a filmmaker that goes completely against the grain and makes a “werewolf in space” film but also makes it god damn entertaining so folks I gotta give this crazy ass idea of a movie 3 ½ out of 4 stars. Thank you Mr. Sheets for being an inspiration in the independent horror genre.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #674

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Wally Meets Popeye (DVD) – So leave it to the talented Indy filmmaker Steve Rudzinski to decide a fourth Popeye movie was needed in 2025! Wally Griswald returns in this feature where he has won another trip but this time to the island of…  Ohio? If you are a fan of Steve’s work you know the Wally character has been through a lot including Amityville (which there is a quick joke or two thrown in at the beginning). If you don’t know of Steve’s great filmography and like me must watch all the Popeye films, buckle up kids because this plays out like a live action old Scooby-Doo adventure without the dog and the gang! Wally excited for another free trip that somehow he has randomly won finds himself back on the detective job because of a green monster that has scared everyone away from the tropical island of Ohio. Years ago the same thing happened and the monster suddenly disappeared with help of an outsider. Now Steve and his buddy Rick who also just happens to be vacationing on the island need the help from the island’s famous sailor man Popeye. Popeye knowing of the monster has led him to convince the love of his life Olive Oyl to jump on his boat and travel to the other side of the island once he fixes it? Popeye knows all about this “Dawn Monster” legend because it keeps running away from him during fights. Its clear Popeye and the two detectives must team up to stop the reign of terror! Clarence Seybert III as Popeye and Carly Sonafelt Olive Oyl was some of the best casting of an Indy feature I have seen in years as their chemistry and handle of the characters jumps off the screen. Also there is this hilarious off script or maybe on script rant in the middle of the film between Wally and Rick that had me in almost tears laughing. Steve and crew made sure this tight low budget feature didn’t overstay its welcome, was an ass load of fun, entertaining as hell, and made sure its main characters Popeye and Olive were beyond exceptional so thanks to Steve not just continuing the “Wally” universe but giving another reason why Indy film fans should pay attention to the excellent work Mr. Rudzinski continues to do as I give this exciting project 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Shark Girl (Tubi) – A young influencer, Heidi, is pushed to go into the water at Venice Beach for her followers and to add spice for all her socials. But little do her and the douchebag she is with know that a nuclear meltdown nearby has cause the sharks to get weird. Heidi is bitten and disappears while douchebag believes Heidi just left him. That evening Heidi washes up on shore as she has a bit of a new hunger (human flesh). As Heidi continues to change as her hunger grows the word is out on the odd shark attacks along Venice Beach. After enough bodies pile up, Heidi’s friends try to stop the “shark girl” from devouring all of them. The movie has its moments but intentionally or unintentionally this movie makes you hate influencers that much more as I could only give this film 1 star.

Predator: Killer of Killers (On Demand) – So this animated feature shows us the Predator world is pretty bad ass as it takes you through a trio of stories throughout time where Predators pick up the warrior after their so-called battle. We have seen this before in the franchise but I believe this was to branch out the Predator world that much more after the success of ‘Prey’ which was a lot of fun. Will we ever get the one with Arnold that we all wanted most likely not? But I still enjoy stuff like this where the warriors have to face off with something even more imposing as I cannot wait to see where they go next as I give this story 3 ½ stars.

Fear Below (Tubi) – An Australian shark film with mobsters and set in the 40s! Many crates of gold are being transported late one night until an accident finds the truck at the bottom of a waterway that just happens to have a hungry bull shark swimming nearby. The mobster looking dudes go get help from a down on their luck diving crew because they want the job of collecting the crates with no questions asked.  Finding the truck isn’t the problem, the bull shark that is on the prowl as the crew must deal with the man-eater or be shot for not retrieving the gold is. I quite enjoyed the storytelling and how fun this feature was as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Leprechaun: The Beginning (Tubi) – I can’t resist dumb shit as I watched this tale of British bootleg Leprechaun look for his gold. Years ago a man named Nigel apparently caught the Leprechaun and tortured his ass for the pot of gold that he used to build his enormous home. Now after Nigel’s death two sisters come to the house deciding what to do with it unknowing the secret of the Leprechaun? Throw in some uninspiring family drama and a four-leaf clover and the killing is on! To put it simply if this was some kind of weird thing to cash in on the original Leprechaun series… you failed terribly and way too late as I can only give this 1 star.

The Wrong Side of Town (DVD-R) – Wow Indy filmmaker Phil Herman’s first feature was a SOV action film from 1990 that has very little info on it and very little copies of the film out there. The young Phil stars, writes, and directs this 64 minute feature where he stars as Chad, a rich kid looking for a good time. After hanging out in town at a club Chad gets an invite by a lady for a party she is having the next night. Little Chad knows he is being set up from the get go to a couple young ladies needing a tire to be changed to his friend’s car being stolen from him. Chad doesn’t know it yet but he is a victim of a gang that just wants to torture the rich kid to death for fun. After escaping the gang several times Chad is pushed to kill in order to survive the ordeal. By no means had Mr. Herman had the money to pull this wild project off but the passion is what got this project over the finish line. Yeah, you may have seen better but believe me you’ll have a whole new respect for Phil Herman and what he attempted to do so young in his filmmaking days as I give the project 2 out of 4 stars.

Movies to Watch on a Rainy Afternoon Volume Two (Blu-ray) – I may never be able to pronounce Addison Binek’s correctly because of my yinzer accent but you cannot deny he is the best at riffing films. This collection from Addison’s YouTube channel tackles films such as: Incredible Melting Man, Blood Shack, Demon Queen, It Conquered the World, Night of the Cobra Woman, Frankenstein Meets the Space Monster, you are getting the picture of what he is going after. Addison shows off his knack for describing these flicks in a hilarious, quick, but knowledgeable manner as episodes are an average of 15 minutes long. His comedic touch to the riffing of the movies is something to behold and I knew I was in for a fun treat when my daughter was loving that I got something new from Addison as she has watched a lot the stuff of his over the years from ‘Movies to Watch on a Rainy Afternoon’. This collection works on a couple of levels for fans as you could watch it with friends while drinking and talk about all the movies or use it to introduce a new generation of movie fans to some older films they may never knew existed? Addison is one of the most brilliant and talented young filmmakers out there as he releases more proof why he deserves 4 out of 4 stars.

Alan (DVD-R) – The Maddie Deering film I wasn’t allowed to watch but I finally have as we had plans to do it together soon. The short film revolves around a young man named Alan who isn’t exactly sure of himself but takes a chance of asking out the cute girl Janet at the Laundromat. They hit it off at dinner as they have a few laughs and a kiss and they quickly become a couple. Alan invites his brother Dave over for dinner one evening to meet Janet. Dave is surprised Alan has a girlfriend besides not being a virgin anymore! But instead Dave gets a surprise he was not hoping for with his brother Alan. The short film is exciting and disturbing at the same time but I totally understand why Maddie wanted to revisit this material and expand it to a feature length film as I give this short film 3 out of 4 stars.

Taeter City (VHS) – Welcome to this Eye-talian feature where in the future a certain city has no crime. If there is crime, the criminals are captured and processed to be fed to other humans through a fast food chain! The “Authority” is a group of highly trained individuals who take great pleasure tracking down criminals and slaughter them. But they have their work cut out for them as there has been a mutation from humans feeding on criminals and this man is fighting back against the system by slaughtering “Authority” officers. This film quickly flies into a gory chaos with a splash of ‘Bad Taste’, the gore of ‘Violent Shit’, and the humor of in-movie advertising of a ‘Robocop’! Another reason to enjoy this feature is one member of the “Authority” looks like a bootleg version of the killer in ‘Nailgun Massacre’. The movie was quite fun with its gallons of campy gore but the one flaw for me was the ending as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Backwoods Bubba (Blu-ray) – Yes I know some of the names involved with this project but it is never a good thing when you hear from one of them saying the movie was “terrible”. As several people stressed to me to never watch it you knew I had too at some point? So some locals have gone missing in this Indy thriller all because a masked man wants to dress people up as animals to release them for his hunting pleasure outside of his isolated cottage. Bubba enjoys the hunt folks but nevermind you can see half of the cast can remove the shackles at any point. Besides the film being a bit boring I really didn’t understand what was the point to Backwoods Bubba? Why was he killing? What motivated him to kill besides his weird looking dad figure at the casino? And was the point to the casino being in the movie was for being a reference point for a pair of parents looking for their daughter? Now folks it wasn’t ‘Amityville Mt. Misery Road’ BAD but the film was still terrible and only confirmed what I had heard about the project that seems to be all forgotten these days as I give it 0 out of 4 stars. If it helps this project reeks of sounded good on paper but that version never made it on screen if that makes sense?

St. Patrick’s Day Massacre (Tubi) – An event of adultery and murder take place at a historic pub in 1825 on St. Patrick’s Day in Dublin, Ireland to set up this story 200 years later where four women get con into checking out this supposedly haunted pub. As the four friends spend the night they get a visit from the pub’s killer past looking for a slaughter as they must survive the night in order to escape? Or just keep up the boring monotone conversation that seems to drag on throughout the film as I still wait for the so called massacre… which should make it clear why I am only giving this film 1 star.

Nazi Zombies (Tubi) – Holy Rutger Hauer kids, how do you fuck something like this up? Now, I wasn’t expecting the next ‘Dead Snow’ but usually if you are going to do something with a title like that it’s gonna be fun… And it just wasn’t. A group of young women who are witches on the side if bored come up with the brilliant idea of trying to conjure something up in a haunted house where Nazi soldiers were buried. If the spell is done correctly a wish for each of the girls is granted. Awesome, well two people die at the hands of the undead ghost Nazis so let’s bring in the younger sister 15 minutes later to do it all over again because it didn’t work the first time, WTF? Best line of the film “Your witchy curse may have worked?” This movie was one big piece of hot garbage from across the pond that felt like there was no direction at any point. The true horror is knowing that dumb stuff like this exists as other cool projects done by passionate people get pushed to the side as this deserves the 0 out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Reviews and news are coming soon

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Sorry folks for those who do read my reviews but with the recent untimely death of my great friend and filmmaker Maddie Deering on June 13th I went offline for some time to take care of some things. I promise you the reviews and news will start back up again. Maddie you will be missed my dear friend.

Wally Meets Popeye review!

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Wally Meets Popeye (DVD) – So leave it to the talented Indy filmmaker Steve Rudzinski to decide a fourth Popeye movie was needed in 2025! Wally Griswald returns in this feature where he has won another trip but this time to the island of…  Ohio? If you are a fan of Steve’s work you know the Wally character has been through a lot including Amityville (which there is a quick joke or two thrown in at the beginning). If you don’t know of Steve’s great filmography and like me must watch all the Popeye films, buckle up kids because this plays out like a live action old Scooby-Doo adventure without the dog and the gang! Wally excited for another free trip that somehow he has randomly won finds himself back on the detective job because of a green monster that has scared everyone away from the tropical island of Ohio. Years ago the same thing happened and the monster suddenly disappeared with help of an outsider. Now Steve and his buddy Rick who also just happens to be vacationing on the island need the help from the island’s famous sailor man Popeye. Popeye knowing of the monster has led him to convince the love of his life Olive Oyl to jump on his boat and travel to the other side of the island once he fixes it? Popeye knows all about this “Dawn Monster” legend because it keeps running away from him during fights. Its clear Popeye and the two detectives must team up to stop the reign of terror! Clarence Seybert III as Popeye and Carly Sonafelt Olive Oyl was some of the best casting of an Indy feature I have seen in years as their chemistry and handle of the characters jumps off the screen. Also there is this hilarious off script or maybe on script rant in the middle of the film between Wally and Rick that had me in almost tears laughing. Steve and crew made sure this tight low budget feature didn’t overstay its welcome, was an ass load of fun, entertaining as hell, and made sure its main characters Popeye and Olive were beyond exceptional so thanks to Steve not just continuing the “Wally” universe but giving another reason why Indy film fans should pay attention to the excellent work Mr. Rudzinski continues to do as I give this exciting project 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Gross Movie Reviews #673

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Night of the Harvest (Blu-ray) – An Indy flick that has that slick look like a lot of the Scream Team Releasing products but this isn’t one of them as two sisters who are tied to the harvest every year. Their bloodline for decades has made offerings around Halloween to these spirits to keep them calm. But this Halloween someone or something has it in for them as they continue their murder spree of friends at a Halloween party. It is a pretty bloody film but runs way too long (107 minutes) to get to the Halloween party that explains the sisters’ story in full as I can only give it 1 ½ out of 4 stars.

Slave Dolls 2: Red Rooms (DVD) – I am always on the lookout for new filmmakers and fresh takes on independent filmmaking so I checked out this newer short film that deals with the dark web. There is a deviant individual named Delta who runs an underground torture porn site called “No Limit Torture” on the dark web that caters to people with lots of money. Pay enough cash online you get to say what happens to the woman featured by Delta who was kidnapped. Not my usual cup of tea but I understand the subject matter and I know there is an audience for this kind of film that follows in the footsteps of August Underground material. A quick and effective story that’s shot well, but again just not my cup of tea but as me very curious to see what this crew does next for a short film or feature as I give 3 out of 4 stars.

Battle Beyond Mars (YouTube) – A newer Mark Polonia release that takes place in the year 2227 where humans use Mars as a military outpost. The planet Mars has several military bases set up to act as a defense system for the planet Earth! Their goal is to protect everyone from any evil aliens out there or be the first line of defense. Things look good until aliens show up and attack a military base from within and negotiations are not an option. The tone of the film feels serious but with all the stock footage and green screen stuff it has the vibe of Mark and crew wanting to make a cheap, fast, sci-fi adventure Fred Olen Ray style as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Screamwalkers (Tubi) – A college student CJ is trying to cope with the murder of her boyfriend a couple months ago is finally led out of her depressing state to go hang out at a party. A longtime friend of CJ hangs back at her place to knit, only to be mysteriously murdered which makes CJ a suspect to the police. As people connected to CJ begin to be murdered in quick succession she goes from suspect to someone who needs protection until it is found out who the murderer is! The movie has its ups and downs but stick with it as I quite enjoyed it going for that early 90s Indy film vibe as I give the movie 2 out of 4 stars.

Franklin: A Symphony of Pain (DVD) – This artsy Indy film has writing and producing credit from one of the most talented Indy filmmakers out there in Sean Donohue from 2014. This project suspends time and where exactly it takes place as the main character Franklin goes through a series of drug inducing scenes that make it difficult to exactly explain what is going on. Best way to maybe explain the plot when going into watching it is: think of it as a series of images, thoughts, and events that are seen through the mind of Franklin or what I also like to call “one of a kind artistic nightmare of one man’s tale of survival”. This Indy project definitely checks the boxes of artsy and weird if that gets you going as I give the feature 2 out of 4 stars.

Amityville VR (Tubi) – Welcome my friends to entry #66 of the Amityville series or the sequel to entry #65 ‘Amityville A.I.’ (not that it needed one). This Matt Jaissle entry picks up with Stuart mangled, his people killed, and the demon virus program has shut down all government computers. While a distraught Stuart sits unsure what he should do a couple of so-called government agents’ bust in his place to give him a choice: torture or go into the VR space to observe the demon. Way too much filler of Stuart wondering the VR space before confronting the demon and bitching about him not wanting to do his part any longer. Oh yeah, did I mention there really isn’t an ending to the film also? For what it’s worth thank you for another entry into this series that I seem to be the only one paying attention too but it is hot garbage as I give it 0 stars.     

Project D: Classified (YouTube) – Jeff Kirkendall stars as an astronaut in this way too long Indy sci-fi feature who has crash landed in a rural community near his home and slowly turning into an alien. With the astronaut Brent Taylor, he carried a bag of “contents” that has aliens, a professor, men in black, and a medium all concerned what he is going to do with said “contents”. The lord Rutger Hauer willing the right people finds the bag so they can make a trade to the aliens before anything bad happens. To summarize this long fun mess imagine a very nerdy episode of X-files done on an Indy filmmaker’s budget (or lack of) or passion for the subject as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

Daisy (Fawesome) – A random Indy feature that I tripped across on the streaming app that concerns a military vet, Felix, who fought in Afghanistan early 2000s, now a mechanic of a one man garage his father started. Twenty years ago Felix lost his leg but gained a small friend that he named Daisy. Now Daisy is full grown and enjoys feasting on human flesh. Now many in the small town just see Felix as “the town crazy”, but a couple of outsiders become a bit concern when a young man related to them disappeared shortly after stopping at the garage. Now the outsiders, a drunken priest, and a woman who survived a Daisy attack wants to help capture and kill the creature. Problem is the human-sized winged creature refuses to slow down its blood thirst when Felix has been killed protecting her. This no budget film has one hell of a creature and a quick running time that makes it a very entertaining Indy creature feature worth giving a shot as I give 3 out of 4 stars for the feature.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #672

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Operation Undead (Amazon) – A Thai zombie flick without it being called a zombie film that is set in a fictional story set during true events of World War II. The Japanese army is advancing their way into China and India and wants to find an island where they can use their new experimental biological weapon. The Japanese government and Thai governments meet for peaceful negotiations to allow the Japanese army travel through but the experiment has already landed at an island and it is ravaging the island quickly as police and military assess the damage. Now with the Fumetsu virus out there the Japanese scientists want live specimens for further experimentation but that is being hindered by how quickly the virus is spreading among the islanders. The virus turns the victims into cannibals who can of course infect others but is allowing them to still have brain function to think and see who is human and non-human. The Japanese convince Thai officials they must act quickly to contain this virus. A fun twist for horror fans in this genre to decide if it’s a true zombie flick but also entertaining and enjoyable for the back drop the story is set in as I give the film 3 stars.

What Scares You (DVD-R) – All around talented individual Jason Burke’s latest short film comes off as a bootleg early Nick at Nite one-off from the early 90s that has four friends checking out an old house as they plan to stay the night? The friends challenge each other to speak about “what scares them” along with some tense conversation unknowingly that their fears are about to haunt them. One by one the friends die from what they fear most but before you make judgment on what appears to be hey “I have seen this several times before”, the evil twist is what makes for some scary fun to enjoy as I give the Mr. Burke’s latest 3 out of 4 stars.

Violent Streets (DVD-R) – Another not released yet feature from Indy filmmaker Brad Sykes has unearthed another exciting project he made around 1994! This ambitious project isn’t so much a horror movie as its gang picture on no budget in the vein of 70s and 80s high school gang films. There are two small gangs who were friends at one point but now see things differently as they constantly battle for the upper hand on the other. It becomes personal when one of the battles between Orin and Kane is over a young woman Sara to see who gets to have her for their prize. But Sara isn’t having any of it even though her pals think she is just getting herself in more trouble of not going along with it. Now Orin and Sara must be on the run as this gang war is about to turn deadly. For no budget this was a very ambitious project but Sykes makes up with its gritty SOV style that gives the content a certain charm as the heart of the actors just going for it take after take makes for a very watchable piece of cinema that I give 3 out of 4 stars.

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Killer Kabbage (DVD) – In a not so serious futuristic film with a hilarious concept has scientists in present day 2024 trying to solve the world’s food crisis with experiments on veggies, mostly cabbages! But 200 years in the future the world is a wasteland where a duo of Cage and Gibson look to survive by hunting killer veggies until they are approached by a government droid. The droid instructs the duo to head to a secret location as they are recruited as mankind’s last hope because of radioactivity reasons! The mission is to time travel to 2024, find the original experimental cabbage, and bring back a sample that started this apocalyptic war between killer cabbages and humans. Once the duo time travels and adjusts to present day of 2024 the fight is on as there is limited time before the war begins as they quickly find out the experiments are already out of control! This feels like a lost project from the early 90s from J.R. Bookwalter or the Polonia Brothers with a ‘Bad CGI Sharks’ vibe to it and I absolutely freakin loved it! Don’t be surprised if this pops up on my “Best of 2025 list” as this Indy feature had me laughing out loud several times as I give it 4 out of 4 stars as you had me at Killer Kabbage.

The Psychic (Tubi) – The 1977 Lucio Fulci film is also known as ‘Seven Notes in Black’ as this was a first time watch for me of Fulci’s early work. A young woman Virginia had a vision of her mother committing suicide at a young age and now has had a vision of a woman murdered then buried in the wall of a home. Virginia goes to see her therapist also ex-dude to speak of it being something more but it’s her ex-dude. Problem the home happens to be her new hubby’s house and the cops arrest him on suspicion. Virginia complains to the authorities that there gotta be more to this so she takes to doing her own snooping and heads down a rabbit hole of trying to prove her hubby’s innocence. As Virginia gets deeper in the rabbit hole she begins to have more visions that come true leader her to the killer. For me this piece of Fulci work had more filler than killer but sure there is fans of this project as I give it 2 stars.

City of the Dead (Shudder) – A young college girl in Nan Barlow heads to Whitewood, Mass, to research witchcraft on the advice of her professor (Christopher Lee) so she can turn in a great term paper. Nan’s interest is peaked once she enters this hard to find village and believes she needs to dig into the past immediately. The history of the village is they burned a witch at the stake who cursed all there and Nan is warned to leave quickly by the local priest as he claims evil owns the village and has for hundreds of years. Not long after that Nan goes missing without her professor being too upset by it but her boyfriend and brother soon try to turn the village upside down looking for Nan as the witches are not happy as they may ruin their ritual. Might not be the best of the witch horror films but it is intriguing with Christopher Lee playing the professor who seems to know all that is going on as I give the film 2 stars.

The Temptress (DVD) – An early film project from a young Jeff Kirkendall at the time in 2000-2002 that also includes a short film ‘3 to Murder’ that is a prequel but we will get to that in a bit. The story is about three women who are vampires trying to live life quietly among humans until Angelique shows up demanding the presence of her “first one” Rachel. Angelique and her minions refuse to allow the three to live their undead loves peacefully as she has never gotten over Rachel for not believing in her vamp ways. The project is definitely very rough around the edges and a product of the time in independent cinema at that time but it’s clear you can see Jeff Kirkendall and Tim Hatch were going to be building a relationship in films for a long time coming. Plus the short film (40 minutes) ‘3 to Murder’, the prequel sheds a lot more light on the  story in ‘The Temptress’ that includes a deleted scene that answered a big question for me after watching both. I am gonna guess reasoning behind the short film and the feature is: one, wanted to see if they can do it with what they had? Second, might be Jeff might have made an executive decision that if kept the short and feature together they would be too long and viewers would tune out? Third, breaking them up Charles Band style for more content?  No matter what it is an always fun finding an early project from Indy filmmakers you respect and see where or how far they have come as I give ‘The Temptress’ 2 out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #671

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Rumpelstiltskin (UltraHD/4K) – Okay Terrorvision did you just seriously release this on 4K? Fucking wild since I haven’t watched this film since its release in 1995 as it comes from the same dude that gave us ‘Leprechaun’ of course so it was time for a revisit. So after stealing a baby hundreds of years ago Rumpelstiltskin is cursed into being a rock by a witch. Now present day, a prego wife who has lost her cop husband in a senseless crime finds herself a little later at an oddities store where she buys the rock. She takes it home, she has the baby now, wishes her husband to be alive (after they bump uglies of course in a dream) and now this little demon is chasing her or she is chasing it because it wants the baby’s soul! By the way Rumpelstiltskin smokes cigars, hard to kill, can drive a motorcycle and a long haul truck which fun fact the producers of this flick are the same dudes that gave us Scooby-Doo and Thundarr the Barbarian! This fairy tale terror is not as much fun as Leprechaun but it’s packed with a commentary, making of segment, Shot on VHS behind the scenes stuff, and even has a baking segment as I give it 2 ½ stars and make you say “fuck it” and watch it anyway.

Colossal (DVD) – This 2016 film is about a character Gloria who just happens to be an aging party girl in New York who has a boyfriend that supports her until he has had enough of her all night partying. Gloria being thrown out is forced back to her small town home where her parents died but left her their home. She stays there to decide what’s next besides trying to no longer drink but at the same time Seoul, Korea is attacked by a mysterious giant monster. As the attacks become more frequent not exactly explained to the world Gloria and friends become intrigued? Gloria figures out it have something to do with a childhood trauma at a playground that wasn’t there but is now with her friend Oscar. The film becomes about unresolved childhood trauma, friendship, and Gloria just trying to figure out life. For me the film is neither good nor bad as it had me waiting for something else to happen but never did. But for those that like this film this just “wasn’t my cup of tea” as I give it 2 stars.

Cutter’s Club (Tubi) – A newer but older Charles Band release that stars the legendary fine actor Tony Todd. This was one of the many unfinished projects of Mr. Band from several years ago that he finally got a crew together to unearth it and put it out there for fans. (Way too many stories about why, but this isn’t the first unfinished project that has found its way out there from the Charles Band magical warehouse recently. That is for a whole other conversation sometime.) Jill is a med student in the process of becoming a surgeon believes she could do more research with a disgraced great doctor that could change the world? This great doctor is Doctor Roberts and up until a year or so ago the university loved him until it was found out he was banging Jill so instead of firing him they place him in the basement of the east wing where he continues his experiments… with his odd satanic-like minions. Jill convinces her boyfriend after an experiment with a cat that the right thing to do would be to join forces with Dr. Roberts to further research. The purpose for all involved is “Art of Flesh” but they need more than animals for their big experiment and bring to life a creature with two heads. This 2005 film felt a bit thrown together then and still does now but enjoy seeing the potential in Charles Band finishing some of these “unfinished” projects as I give this 2 ½ stars.

Zombie Repellent (Tubi) – A soon to be married couple find themselves lost and without their car (believed stolen) in the middle of nowhere. They get to a small town that has no hotels, no Wi-Fi, and just a little weird as they can’t sleep as they uncover the town has a zombie problem. Now the couple must do everything they can with whoever will believe them during their misadventure to survive the zombies. There is some parts I am leaving out on purpose because it does have some funny parts but the bigger thing is the movie has an ending that isn’t ‘what you think it is’ so understand why this is more of a vague review as I give the film 2 stars.

Alien Intruder (VHS) – Thank you to my good friend Jon Cross for pointing out PM Entertainment to me this wild movie filler 1993 space gem stars Maxwell Caulfield, Billy Dee Williams, Jeff Conaway, and Tracy Scoggins! It is 2022 A.D. as Nick Mancuso and a few other prisoners are pulled out of New Alcatraz to use their special skills for a rescue mission or salvage mission. Little they know Tracy Scoggins plays a renegade VR program that has infected the ship they are going after and just enjoys making mankind lust for her and then kill each other. With most of the film being filler of Tracy Scoggins being the Ariel program or just being gorgeous the crew tries to disable the program so they can escape this hell. Fun cast in a low budget film that is so low budget it feels like they filmed it all in a K-mart warehouse and basement will always spell fun time to me as I give it 3 stars.

Beast Mode (DVD) – Literally this is one of those films released in 2020 that I cannot tell it was that big of a mess the studio didn’t know what to do with or like a lot of films that year it got “COVIDED” . Anyway we have a beaten down on his luck producer in C. Thomas Howell who accidentally kills or believes he does his meal ticket aka star in Huckle Saxton. Howell’s staff finds a double to pass off as Huckle for a movie project and uses this underground herbal make-up to pass him off. Problem is the make-up is known to make someone who uses it into a bloodthirsty beast. Meanwhile the real Huckle Saxton wakes up in a storage unit and from there the plot just gets real murky at best. No matter what, I found C. Thomas Howell to be the gem in this huge mess as I enjoyed his character throughout but still can only give this film 1 ½ stars.

Arkansas Pigman Massacre (Fawesome) – Another massacre film acquired but problem is they should have thought twice about making it. The film claims the events of the film take place in 2004 where two 12 year old girls go with a big brother randomly to the woods only to be stalked by a guy in a pig mask for most of the film. Or to save us all a bunch of trouble of me ranting about this film I like to call this movie: Look ma, I have a drone! Also I watched ‘In a Violent Nature’ last year and I was always a fan of ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre’ but for some reason I wanted to have the plot of my film literally not make sense. Hopefully that explains this mess of an Indy movie that I can only give it 0 stars. Want to know more of my breakdown please find me, buy me a beer, and we will have an educational conversation? I so wanted this to be a no-budget fun mess instead I got a turd that someone calls a movie!

Side Effects May Vary (DVD) – A movie project I wish I would have seen sooner as even before we get into the review this will make it into my “Top Ten list of 2025”! So J.R. Bookwalter returns to the director’s chair for the first time in 23 years along with help from writer and star James L. Edwards. Glenn has been sick for several weeks during this pandemic and doesn’t exactly believe in the science behind the new vaccines even though his wife has gotten it. Because of his illness lingering and nagging from his wife Glenn heads to the doctor’s office to get treatment. But because of the illness he cannot be vaccinated but can be part of this experimental shot that can be given during illness. He takes it believing he is doing the right thing for himself and others. It isn’t long after Glenn experiences side effects of blurred/weird visions, then also after a very uncomfortable but hilarious sex scene with the wife his dong falls off! From there Glenn becomes a gooey monstrous mess with murderous tendencies. As Glenn’s best friend gets involved, cops get involved, weird things begin to happen as Glenn’s disgusting meltdown is absolutely glorious with a perfect ending to this social commentary. This independent project is a prime example of doing all the little things right equals’ success as JR and crew put on a Masterclass of “how to make your independent movie correctly”. This was a perfect pandemic film that many have tried and failed at making so congrats to JR and James for bringing this adventure to life as I will be talking about it for years. As I give this project 4 out of 4 stars I also have to say Brinke Stevens steals the show here kids as this is her best performance since ‘Sorority Babes in the Slime Bowl-o-rama’! The DVD has a great Q&A for their opening night of the film done by none other Art Ettinger.

The Gorge (Amazon) – Two snipers are recruited to keep watch for 365 days straight over a gorge of unknown origin for uncertain reasons. Mostly they just know it’s supposedly for their country. One on the east and one on the west as shortly after World War II as the story goes three Calvary groups went in and never came back so an international treaty for this gorge was made. It is believed to be the “gate to hell” but as the two become curious about each other and decide to meet which by the way is not allowed as the two fall in love and share stories of what they know. But an incident has both trapped inside the gorge as they soon learn more than just monsters are the problem and it is part of something bigger? This is one of those “I liked it but didn’t love it” as it felt more like a video game adaptation of something thrown together. I enjoyed the concept but also felt like the movie was missing something as I give the project 3 stars.

Screamboat (Fandango) – Another unfunny adaptation of Steamboat Willie going into public domain as the Staten Island Ferry is haunted by the real life Steamboat Willie when it is released from its chamber. The killer rodent slaughters his way through passengers in a pretty boring way but I did enjoy ‘the lower deck scene as this is how we kill off 98% of the passengers in one fail swoop kind of thing’. The movie runs 30 minutes too long, the Disney references border on super annoying, and if you are into Jason Takes Manhattan combined with a bootleg Gingerdeadman vibe then hey you found your movie as I give it 1 star.

Berserker: The Nordic Curse (Tubi) – A 1987 film that I thought I had seen in the past but got it mixed up with two other Indy films I seen like 15 or 20 years ago so this was my first watch of the low budget horror from the 80s. The story takes place in nowhere Utah called ‘Rainbow Valley Campgrounds’ where supposedly Vikings hung out in the tenth century? Some young people are there for a week of camping only to be warned by George Buck Flower and the lone sheriff that there are wild animals out there “so be careful”. The kids get partying; read some stories of the Nordic legend, then one of them wander off to pee and its game time for the Nordic spirit or… the killer bear. Glad I got to see it but yinz arenot missing out on much folks as I give it 1 ½ stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #670

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Black Candles (Plex TV) – For starters this film is available on streaming but also had a recent Blu-ray edition and keep in mind its Spanish for those who hate reading subtitles. Anyway getting into the meat of this 1982 film, Carol’s brother dies abruptly so her and her partner fly out to the middle of nowhere to be with the sister-in-law Carol who isn’t impressed with. Within minutes arriving Carol questions Fiona the widow because of the strange circumstances she feels in her mind. It doesn’t help Carol when she arrives at the mansion she immediately smells strange smells, hears her brother’s ghostly voice, hell she has a dream of bumping uglies with her brother… Which that is when I questioned if I tapped into some weird PornHub video or I was watching some serious softcore shit? But also if you didn’t know there is some serious Satanist shit going down in this film because they got some goat fucking going on kids! While all this is going on Fiona seduces Carol’s partner with the sex, orgies, and SATAN! But it’s already too late (maybe?) as Carol is supposed to be Satan’s bride as this coven punishes a dude with a sword to the anus! I won’t ruin the ending but I will say buckle up kids for full bush and you questioning if you are watching a horror film or a full blown porn either or I was entertained as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Freaky Tales (Internet) – For as advertised and heavily waited for this movie got pooped out there into the universe long before its release dateso that leaves way too many questions that has nothing to do with the film. Anyway, I will say the filmmakers got the formula of an anthology down right for this very loosely based tale or tales on events that happened in 1987 Oakland, California. First story is about teenage punks protecting their hangout from Nazis, second story is about two girls getting their chance of a lifetime of being rappers at a rap battle, third story is about a guy who is paid to collect debts and wants to retire, and the last story is about Sleepy Floyd the basketball player which I found the most interesting tale of the whole film. To me at least the film felt heartless, felt like this film sat on a shelf for a couple years before its release to the internet, and really felt like a more of a west coast thing if that makes sense. Or as I like to say to save time, “this film wasn’t made for me” as I felt like I had to sit through 80 minutes of a boring movie to see what I really wanted to watch as I can only give it 1 ½ stars.

Shivers Me Timbers (Amazon) – So there is a third horror film about Popeye and this one sucks goat balls to put it plainly if you are asking me. This version decides to go the lazy way in my opinion of trying to put a plot together of being 80s nostalgia claiming it is based on real murders? Takes place in 1986 when Halley’s Comet was a big thing and strange things happen around it when a small ass meteor enters a pipe of an old fisherman. This is how he becomes mutant Popeye or in my opinion A.I. Popeye bullshit! He quickly finds teenagers out in the woods looking to watch the comet so he can murder horribly only for the film to become a crappy image of several past horror favorites that this doesn’t even come close too? The movie was made in Scotland which explains a lot because honestly I would be surprised if the people there really knew Popeye or the impact of the cartoon had but that is for another conversation as I can only give this tragic piece of poop 1 star.

Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter (DVD) – A Hammer film on so many levels that leaves you with you so many questions because it has such a different vibe for a vampire film along with why there weren’t several sequels? First off it needs to be stated for this 1974 film that it stars the timeless beauty Caroline Munro! But this basic story in the English countryside has a couple of young women drained of their youth that has the interest of Kronos and his traveling professor companion since the war ended and  they now have been fighting a new war against vampires. What’s new and still different till this day at the same time is this odd vamp flick sets up a whole other set of rules and explains even within the film not all rules apply to every vamp. If you are a young horror movie lover or old this movie has a kind of timeless effort and a different vibe than your usual Hammer flick for the mere reason of this odd vamp plot. Without giving too much away as I have watched this three times in my life and believe I have seen something different like John Carpenter’s The Thing is the film comes down to a very dark family secret that is unknown to all. I love the concept and I am curious why some of the most recent so-called talented filmmakers haven’t tackled this as a remake or a sequel as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Jules Verne’s Mysterious Island (DVD) – It is weird to say what I grew up on and how many movies I watched in my life to never come across this film? The film’s plot begins in a Civil War prison in Virginia at the end of the war where some soldiers who are prisoners plot to steal a hot air balloon during a devastating rainstorm. The escapees get off the ground but after a long travel is forced to an island where they must help each other to survive. What also throws the characters off is everything on the island they encounter is giant! When Captain Nemo happens to show himself they come to learn Nemo had traveled here or shipwrecked in so many words has been doing experiments to better human life in the future but has a dire warning about the island itself as they all must leave sooner than later. This 1961 film is more adventure than a horror film and is a great intro for the younger audience into how special effects can help a film as I give it 3 stars.

Robot Holocaust (Blu-ray) – Oh this beauty has popped up again since a legit Blu-ray for whatever crazy reason has made it out into our lives but for those that don’t know this is a product of Wizard Video/Empire Pictures. Yep, Charles Band kids… but it is an actual film made by Tim Kincaid of ‘Mutant Hunt’ fame but this can also be a prequel to Robot Jox, Robot Wars, Crash and Burn. Anyhow in this low budget post-apocalyptic world the robots have long took over and the humans are slaves in most places. But in the location of New Terra (or in the rumble of certain parts of New York) humans are alive and well but slaves who are used to fight each other for sport until Neo arrives. Neo is a product of the wastelands that has somehow survives the atrocities of the wastelands to come and start a revolution against the robots. He helps lead them to a power station to go fight the darklord for their freedom.  Hilariously fun and stupid at the same time this film was literally out of print for many decades as it would randomly show up as a bootleg or on a channel for a one time watch so you be the judge as I was just happy it had a legit physical copy. The movie might not be much to desire but the interview on the Blu-ray might explain some things as I give it 2 stars but will never turn down watching this one more time as it looks glorious in this restoration.

Final Recovery (Tubi) – A moderate budgeted Indy film that stars Richard Tyson plays with some uncomfortable realistic storylines… Addiction, recovery, etc., you understand what I am saying? Not a laughing matter as this film takes this subject very seriously begins with 1974 a young lady seeing her father confronted with an addict and killed. Decades later, Nanny Lou runs a present day treatment center called SAGE. This is supposed to be a safe place for addicts and this is where Rodney our main character comes in. Rodney is our everyday addict having trouble sticking to the program with the exception he does have an excuse as he doesn’t trust Nanny Lou? Her effort is there but for nefarious reasons. After Rodney is brought back to the facility once again he finds a friend there and explains Nanny Lou cannot be trusted as it’s all about the money but patients start to disappear on a more regular basis which also raises the red flag. A great movie with a very black passionate heart that tackles a tough subject of life with some wonderful characters you will grow attached too. The film is smart, evil, and playful all at the same time as I give the feature 3 out of 4 stars.

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