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Gross Movie Reviews #625

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Joe Bob Briggs Presents: The Sleaziest Movies in the World “Suburban Roulette” (DVD-R/YouTube) – Back in the 80s as Joe Bob was hosting The Movie Channel show he was trying to get some unknown drive-in gems out there in the video store world for movie nuts to find. This was one of them as he does an intro and outro for a H.G. Lewis flick from 1967 that is about wife swapping and swinging. A bit risky for the times but when you watch the film you see how the master H. G. Lewis was able to get this out there as the movie comes off as an educational film about what could go wrong if you get into the “swinger crowd”? The movie isn’t great by any means but a fun piece of cinema history worth one watch if you are any kind of H.G. Lewis fan as I give it 2 stars.

Night Work (Blu-ray) – First time Indy filmmaker Kyle Rayburn directs, writes, and produces this 2019 project about a man named Frank who is a demon/monster hunter or “Nightman”. The days of being young, dumb, and full of … are long behind Frank as he is pulled out of retirement when learning his daughter Elizabeth is alive. Frank must get back into demon fighting mode again with his partner as he goes down a weird road in order to be with his presumed dead daughter again. The film is unconventional but has a certain charm and flare to it with an unknown cast that make their characters their own and believable. This is an oddly entertaining and well shot first feature that is worth giving a chance if yinz are looking for something different in the Indy horror genre as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

Satanic Soccer Mom from Ohio (Blu-ray) – For his second feature Kyle Rayburn brings together an all-star cast of talented people and an absolutely wonderful title that just delighted me especially when it opens with a quote from ‘The X-files’. Annie is a mom whose husband Jack disappeared two years ago and just trying to do her best in raising her kids. Annie doesn’t exactly fit in with the Karens but her best friend does the best she can of being the go-between. Annie and the best friend make a mistake of going to the ‘Karens’ craft party/demonic conjuring where Annie gets totally trashed after her husband becomes the main subject of the gossip that night. Annie being trashed accidentally bleeds on her craft that causes her to conjure a demonic ride-share driver Todd. Todd explains he will grant three wishes for Annie but in the end she will have to pay with her soul no matter what the consequences are? But never rule out anything when the board game “Candy Land” is involved. This Indy horror/comedy proves Kyle Rayburn knows how to put together a talented cast with no money and give one hell of an entertaining flick as I give this feature 3 out of 4 stars.

Freddy’s Fridays (On Demand) – A new UK horror flick about an evil sleazy dude who lures women to his basement to be slaughtered by monsters who just happen to resemble the ‘Five Nights at Freddy’s’ things. Apparently there is some weird thing about you have to sacrifice eight souls only on Fridays in order to satisfy the monsters needs. Or what I like to call throw shit against the wall for a horror flick and see if some weirdo (me) watches it? I give it 1 star and don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Subway (Tubi) – A super weird mid-80s French film where a weird, blonde, coked up looking Highlander named Fred spends the whole movie chasing after a woman who doesn’t want to be in a loveless marriage to her rich husband. Just to make even more no sense Fred lives in the subway system of Paris with his roller skating friend where they are trying to get a band they support a gig. Just fucking weird 80s shit I give 2 stars too.

Highlander 2: The Quickening aka Renegade Version (Tubi) – Been way too long since I have reviewed this sequel as I am a fan of the original film. But in order to even begin talking about the sequel in case you are not old like me this film was legendary plagued with production issues it ran into during and after. For many years it was considered one of the worse if not the worst films ever made as footage was added to the movie after its disaster of a theatrical run just trying to make sense of the non-sense for fans. So you got some time to kill go down this rabbit hole to read up on the issues as I believe since there have been so many bad movies this one may have been lost in the shuffle or even forgotten? Anyway it is the year 2024 and twenty-five years have gone by since the Highlander was one of the inventors of a shield to protect the Earth as the ozone layer was months away from disappearing. Connor MacLeod has finally aged and accepted his fate of death soon until bad ass alien highlander Michael Ironside sends a couple of cronies to his dimension of Earth. (Oh yeah, apparently the Highlander is an alien… Wait, WTF? Yes, exactly.) Since this evil menace decided to track down Connor he regains his youth and immortality, yells for Sean Connery, and game on to behead people! When Connor isn’t doing that he gets to bang Virginia Madsen and she convinces him the ozone has repaired itself so she needs help bringing down the shield. It is a mess for sure but is it: Jaws the Revenge, Battlefield Earth, Howard the Duck, House of the Dead, Speed 2, The Fog (remake) just to throw out a few? So yeah there are tons of bad ones as I just think this is more of a mess or mistake than bad for the mere reason we do get bad ass Michael Ironside just having fun the whole picture as I give it 1 star.

I’m Dreaming of a White Doomsday (Blu-ray) – It took me awhile of watching this Indy flick as its a few years old but believe me it will still pack a wallop. The beginning dream sequence is a wonderful and bleak intro to setting up the difficult tone of this post-apocalyptic holiday film that just immediately sucks you in. Kelly and her son Riley are living in a bomb shelter where dad has ventured out into the new cruel desolate and damaged world with possibly no return. One day Kelly ventures out herself just to see if there is any sign of things getting better outside of the shelter? Her findings force her into making a decision about herself and Riley since the end of the world is quickly closing in on them. Without spoiling too much the film is brilliantly shot giving an absolute gloomy, depressing, and utter no hope feel and look. Writer/director Mike Lombardo does a perfect job of not just giving us a terrible new world but giving us an absolutely beautiful unHollywood ending that made me giddy as I give the film 4 out of 4 stars.

Here Today, Gone Tomorrow (YouTube) – Another deep dive of a short film into Philip Brocklehurst’s mind showing the art of life and how quickly it goes. I always respect what this filmmaker puts out there which always excites me he may one day have a feature out there as I give the short 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Murder in Black Satin (Blu-ray) – Elbert Smith and Matt Parmenter of Witch Doctor Films are back at it again as they give something Indy film wise different each time out which of course will always make me take notice. This time was no different as we get a gritty old school serial killer film about the “Soulless Slasher”. A worn out down and dirty detective is called into the investigation of the Soulless Slasher which leads him to find out the killer has a fetish for the hearts of his murder victims. Moe must keep himself together long enough to follow the leads wherever they may take him as Moe fights his past in order to do what his peers cannot. The serial killer film understand its story content and doesn’t overstay its running time as Witch Doctor Films gives another solid effort as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Natty Knocks (DVD) – October 1976 the film begins with a woman being called a witch then dragged to a barn and burned alive as her son watches. Now October 2023 in the same small town a girl goes missing but a couple of teenagers believe they witnessed her in an abandoned home getting beat up. In comes the odd urban Halloween legend of the town, a babysitter trying to protect two kids she was hired to look after, and a killer who is obsessed with watching old horror movies in the abandoned home and apparently you get a Halloween horror film. Overall there is just a weird dynamic to the whole film as the babysitter looks literally one year older than one of the two kids she looks after. Then another part of this dynamic is the whole witch, possible possession, and local scream queen weird thing. I don’t know… good cast, not a terrible movie, but feels thrown together in some ways if that makes sense as I give it 1 ½ stars.

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Gross Movie Reviews #528

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Gross Movie Reviews #528

 

Blood and Flesh: The Reel Life and Ghastly Death of Al Adamson (DVD) – An absolutely great and super interesting documentary about a filmmaker who made movies out of nothing during the 60s and 70s. And when he had nothing he would begrudgingly use his own money to bring his visions to life on the big screen. Most of his films were drive-in fodder but that didn’t stop him from giving audiences what they wanted: bikers, stuntmen, bad effects, gimmicks, whatever to get the picture sold! Mr. Adamson was an Indy talent like no other and made lots of friends along the way. But Al’s life was cut short by a so-called contractor he hired to work on his home. Hell, his story has been on the ID channel. The documentary is full of funny stories about his films getting made but it also chronicles the tragic event and how it was uncovered in the end. Wonderful stuff that makes me want to track down some of this filmmaker’s films as I give the documentary 4 stars.

 

High on the Hog (DVD) – A rather different and recent film from the talented Tony Wash whose film is considered one of the last appearances of the legendry Sid Haig. His film is like a colorful grindhouse flick about reefer madness. The story has three cute farm girls rolling into town selling their product to the local drug dealers as it is straight from the farm as they say. The girls and Big Daddy are just family farmers who are trying to survive in this cruel world. Unbeknownst to the family farmers’ federal agents are investigating tainted weed after several deaths. The family becomes a suspect after a rookie agent takes the initiative to go undercover and become part of the family to bust them. But Big Daddy doesn’t want to let go of the farm unless it’s the last possible thing. The film also stars Robert Z’dar, the talented Elle Church, and Joe Estevez as the ending wasn’t an ending I thought was coming? But anyway as usual I do not deny Tony Wash’s talent as a filmmaker but this film just didn’t do it for me as I could only give it 2 stars.

 

Heatseeker (DVD) – An Albert Pyun film that begins in Vegas 2019 where a human kickboxer reigns as champion of the world where cybernetics are all the rage among fighters. After this defeat a bunch of corporations get together to have a tournament where fighters with even more cybernetics can fight to the death to be the real world champion. Human champion Chance O’Brien is lured in after his soon-to-be wife and trainer is kidnapped by a crazed corporate asshat! A fun direct-to-video film from the 90s that is worth tracking down to see acting vet Thom Matthews to get in on the action as I give it 2 1 /2 stars.

 

The Town that Loved Bigfoot (DVD) – A hilarious and perfect documentary for all about a small southern town that has embraced Bigfoot! The town is Evergreen, Alabama where a newspaper article was written there several years ago about a strange creature being seen near town and from there the legend has grown. There are interviews with locals, hunters, Bigfoot hunters and their experiences around the town. If ever interested in Bigfoot start with this film as I give it 4 stars.

 

Future Hunters (DVD) – A lovely post-apocalyptic flick of sorts that seems to has a bigger budget than it actually does. The film stars Richard Norton and Robert Patrick and it was made in the Philippines of course! A man from 2025 gains possession of the ‘spear of destiny’ and it sends him back in time 40 years at the same site where Michelle and Slade are checking out an old church. Future man Matt hands of the spear to the couple as he dies to say to them “protect it with their lives”. The couple has a chance to prevent the nuclear holocaust that destroyed and formed Matt’s world in 2025. The couple argues what should be done with the spear until bootleg Playboy Buddy Rose comes looking for it and chases them all over the world for it! This post-apocalyptic film is one of the best to come out of the Philippines compared to some of the slop I have watched over the years. Plus if that isn’t enough you do get a great scene of Robert Patrick in his Fruit of the Looms and see the tan lines! Also what helps with the film is if you are able to track down an episode of Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs that had this film on as it was perhaps the funniest episode of the bunch. Great stunts, non-stop fun, an actual script, Robert Patrick, for that I give it 3 ½ stars.

Ditch Day Massacre (DVD) – First to find this film you may have to look for it under its recently change title “Ditch Day” most likely from a distribution company picking it up? We begin with a teenage girl (Jenny) who drives home drunk from a party and gets into an accident. She causes the death of a wife and young daughter but her father covers it up because he is a respected cop. One year later the husband/father (Bill Oberst Jr.) of the deceased wants revenge and starts with kidnapping Jenny’s father and mother. Jenny knows she was in the wrong but was apparently out of the loop that she caused death during this accident and it was reported as a hit and run the cops couldn’t solve. But that doesn’t help Jenny as now there is a cold-blooded killer after her and friends as they have ditched school to have a party. Wasn’t exactly thrilled with the ending and also found myself rooting for the killer to fuck Jenny’s shit up so I am kinda of torn with this ‘massacre’ title. Either way I give it 2 ½ stars for the mere fact I will remember this flick for a while and always cool to see Bill Oberst Jr. in a cool role.

 

Massacre (DVD) – An Eye-talian flick that Lucio Fulci only produced. The film seems to be about a red-gloved killer in sunglasses but by the end of the film I felt there were three different killers? Anyway a horror movie is being filmed and murders seem to take place nearby on a regular basis and the local authorities are trying to solve them. The giallo if you wanna call this flick was harder to follow than some of giallos I have watched recently but for entertainment value it did have a bootleg Shannon Doherty, bootleg Bruce Jenner, and a bootleg Reggie Bannister. Also if you do try tracking down this ‘massacre’ title be on the lookout for English subtitles as it was hard to find this film with some as I give it 1 star.

Garden Tool Massacre (DVD) – August 23, 1990, a man of the name Charles Scavolini chosen to murder his wife. Seven years later still serving his life sentence in Glenvale Sanatorium because he was deemed insane at trial has now found a way to escape the asylum. When Charles does he heads home only to find there is someone else living in his old home. So this causes Charles to grab a mask, garden tools, and go slicing and dicing through those who occupy his residence. This UK S.O.V. release has been rarely seen until recently as SRS Cinema has released it in all its glory of nostalgic video packaging for the world to enjoy as I give this title 1 ½ stars.

 

The Cat O’Nine Tails (DVD) – A fan favorite of Dario Argento’s that has murders of people who were connected to secret research projects. A blind man and his daughter suspect something fishy and visit a reporter who reported on the murder in the train station that was declared an accident. After talking the reporter and the blind man try their best to solve the murders before they become murdered themselves! A lot of character development in this film as this film even feels longer than the usual giallo as I give it 2 stars. I am sure Argento fans will be sending me hate mail for that one but again giallos are just not in my wheelhouse but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t give it a try…

 

The Texas Frightmare Massacre (DVD) – A 2010 effort from Joe Francis who decided to make the famous convention his backdrop for his no budget film. Eugene and Lyle train to be security guards only to have their first week of being security guards to be at the hotel the weekend of Texas Frightmare Weekend. Meanwhile while the duo have their troubles of making it through training, douchebag Todd and his hot ass girl Mary (thank you for being a redhead) are forced to take Mary’s step brother Max to the convention. Let’s not forget to mention Todd and Mary have sex with a horse head on while thinking about killing off Max. But once at the convention and mistreated one too many times by Todd, Max turns the tables on the couple. After dealing with the couple to put it in desirable terms Max goes on his convention killing spree. Thus it is up to the new security guards to stop the killer. Not the best of plots (especially since ‘The Horror Convention Massacre” predates this film by three years), running time is way too long for something that could have been an entertaining 30 minutes long, but the biggest mistake is no T-shirt Joe and Fast Custom Shirts! How Joe and his shirts were not featured in this was a poor decision. I will give credit for having the hot redhead Mary and the funny Eugene and Lyle characters but if you are going to use this convention as your back drop Joe Garcia has to be the star and for that I only can give this film a ½ star.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can find all of my books at www.lulu.com just search for Gross Movie Reviews or Tim Gross there!

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !