Category Archives: Gross Movie Reviews

Gross Movie Reviews #355

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Gross Movie Reviews #355

 

By Tim Gross

 

Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Once again there is Sharknados! And they are falling on the whole East Coast and Finn must save many people again. But hey his girl Tara Reid is pregnant and about to burst but first thing is first we must have too many cameos to list and Finn must kill some CGI sharks! This is what the film boils down too: The Hoff and Finn in a space shuttle vs a Sharknado wall. Fun movie but I had a problem with this entry and it’s not so much the movie is bad but getting stale and the social media experiment is over. Oh, let’s not forget most of the sharks films that were on SyFy Channel the same week seem to try incorporate the same stale elements of the original “Sharknado” flick. I call this “overindulging” and believe there will be a price to pay when the fourth flick is released next year? Don’t get me wrong love the idea but I just think it has run its course now as I give it 2 stars even if “The Hoff” is Finn’s dad.

 

Outhouse (VHS) – Thanks to Rick Fusselman for getting this short film to me as it’s brilliant. One problem it was an investment film made for fun to help promote an engineering and computer design website. “Say again please?” After going through its websites on the box and google search I came across their website that looks like it hasn’t been touched in five years just like the movie. Summary: Imagine “The Deadly Spawn” are in the only outhouse in the woods, fucking amazing. But hey I want to see what else they made and nothing. Love the short film but this pisses me off that they refuse to revisit this greatness. I give it 4 out of 4 stars. And if you are bored start your search on google with spectrumvideo.com.

 

Sharktopus vs Whalewolf (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Casper Van Dien, movie made in Dominican Republic, and it’s a Roger Corman presents film, you knew I was watching. Unless you are drunk I do not believe your sober brain could handle how this movie exists. So get drunk and watch the chaos that I laughed the whole way through for the mere reason people think Casper Van Dien still has an acting career or could act? I give it 2 stars.

 

3-Headed Shark Attack (SyFy Channel/DVD) – It stars Danny Trejo and Rob Van Dam (in socks and sandals) for no apparent reason but those two were the only highlights of possibly the most boring film I ever had the displeasure of watching and I enjoy bad films. But this was a disappointment on all fronts except Rob Van Dam… Dude you are an awesome wrestler but you fucked up with the wardrobe as I give the flick 0 stars.

 

Lavalantula (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Oh the words could not describe how excited I was for this film existing. There were rumors of a “Police Academy” reunion… but nothing surfaced but then it happened late 2014 I heard there was a SyFy Channel movie that was going to involve as many “Police Academy” members as possible. Cinematic gold my friends! Now I am sure there was too many obstacles to call it a “Police Academy” reunion but just to have them in a movie where Guttenberg and others fight lava-spitting spiders, BRILLIANT! The film stars: Guttenberg, Michael Winslow, Leslie Easterbrook, Marion Ramsey, Patrick Renna, Nia Peeples, and the man, the myth, the legend, “Jagoff Massacre’s” own MICHAEL VARRATI. Guttenberg plays a washed up actor who has just walked off set driving home to be with his son. But then a volcanic eruption happens and causing devastation around Hollywood area and lava-spitting spiders come rolling out of the Santa Monica Mountains! Pure greatness happens as Guttenberg fights his way home and his wife Nia Peeples helps him get back to the city to rescue his son. Outside of “Sharknado” this one of the best SyFy Channel flicks in years. If anything I could see the cast being rounded up for another SyFy Channel flick… “Sharknado 4” anyone? I give it 3 stars and do yourself a favor and watched the greatness!

 

Fear Clinic (DVD) – Robert Englund plays Dr. Andover in a story about a doctor that has discovered a way to conquer fear. Not exactly a favorite among doctors with discoveries he keeps to himself and keeps a small clinic open to help people. Some time passes and a few of his patients including Fiona Dourif come back to visit because the visions, fears, dreams are coming back and need help. But Dr. Andover is unsure of himself after losing a patient he thought he made a breakthrough with. The movie caught me off guard as I was guessing it would be a huge shitfest of a horror flick. It wasn’t, as the horror film is kinda creepy and taps into the mind that this stuff could be ongoing today. Worth digging this newer gem up as I give it 3 stars.

 

Rush Week (VHS/DVD-R) – Its 1988, its Rush Week, so of course there is an unknown slasher out on campus killing all the coeds. Oh let’s not forget the lovely Kathleen Kinmont shows up long enough to get topless and die. But the movie wants you to believe there is several people that could be the killer but like most cool 80s slasher films you figured it out quickly. Especially when everyone in most of the movie talks about what happen a year ago but doesn’t talk about what happens a year ago. All in all it has the boobs, it has the blood, and it’s like a lesser known mixture of “Killer Party” meets “Pledge Night”. This was one of those films that fell through the cracks but I eventually found it and glad I did as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Body Slam (VHS/You Tube/DVD-R) – The mid-80s classic that captures what Rock-n-Wrestling was all about stars Dirk Benedict of “A-Team” fame is a personal manager Harry M. Smilak. But Harry is having tough times until he runs into Quick Ricky Roberts (Roddy Piper) who he thinks is a musical act but is then introduced to professional wrestling. Roberts and his tag team partner The Tonga Kid want to be The Cannibals for the titles but the Captain will not give them the time of day since they refused to sign with them. Funny shit ensues as Smilak also manages a band named “Kick” and has them play a benefit that goes horribly wrong. Once seeing the tag team he manages gets hurt Smilak wants out of the business until he has an idea to combine music and wrestling. The cast includes besides the great Roddy Piper and Dirk Benedict: Tanya Roberts, Captain Lou Albano, Charles Nelson Reilly, John Astin, Sam Fatu, Afa and Sika – The Samoans ( I love those guys back in the 80s), Kellie Martin, Classy Freddie Blassie, Ric Flair, and Bruno Sammartino. Great cast, cheesy story, a match made for film as I give it 4 stars.

 

The Suckling (VHS/DVD-R) – The movie was known to most as “Sewage Baby” but independent it used both titles when released. This 1989 release is based on the supposedly rantings of a young woman in 1973 that was sent to an asylum quickly after. Think a little “Street Trash” maybe a little “Slime City” fits right in with those cool flicks as a guy takes his girlfriend to a brothel that just happens to be an abortion clinic too. The girlfriend gets drugged and has an unwilling abortion and the fetus is flushed down the toilet. You know wholesome family entertainment. But anyway the fetus has toxic waste leak on it in the sewer and it quickly mutates into this monstrosity that takes over the brothel! It quickly massacres all who are in the brothel except its mother so it can shrink and go back in her vagina. I get so excited just knowing these types of crazy horror flicks exist and the reason why we need more Blu-ray! I give it 3 stars.

 

Assassination Games (DVD) – Jean-Claude Van Damme and Scott Adkins are two assassins after the same target. One is doing it for revenge and the other for money until they get screwed over and begin fighting every criminal in Romania. With the newer “Universal Soldier” films it has seem to breathe new life in Van Damme’s career and give another a career in Scott Adkins. The film is just another bad ass action film in the recent Van Damme library. I give the film 3 stars.

 

Conan the Barbarian (DVD/remake) – So I finally made myself watch this lackluster remake. Not that it is a bad film but it’s not good either as it tackles the retelling of the 1982 Arnold Schwarzenegger. For me at least the film comes off as a SyFy Channel fantasy film than a big block buster it was supposed to be. This time around Crom isn’t mentioned much and Conan fights a more of a sorcerer than a snake priest in James Earl Jones. I go back to why wasn’t Arnold involved and also this just exists kind of like the “Evil Dead” remake. It’s not good or bad but just exists and not very memorable. The movie seem more of a waste now more than ever as there has been a new Arnold “Conan” film announced so we will see what happens as I give this flick 1 ½ stars.

Rock

Rock N’ Roll Frankenstein (DVD) – Music agent Uncle Bernie and his nephew Frankie the scientist have an idea. The idea is to put together the next big rock star and Uncle Bernie would own everything. So Bernie sends out an old roadie and his buddies to dig up body parts from all the best rock stars. The only thing missing is the dick! The roadies fuck up and destroy Jim Morrison’s dick by accident and grab Liberace’s cock… cue all the politically incorrect gay jokes. Once the body parts are put together and “the King” is revived he isn’t all about singing the hits. But is coached along and starts to sing about his troubles: unnatural urges. The bigger the singer gets the more torn he is about his sexuality as his cock just wants dirty man butt as the dick eventually develops a voice. Meanwhile Uncle Bernie and Frankie constantly argue what is best for “the King”. An insanely fun politically incorrect horror flick that was able to combine elements of “Re-Animator, Hard Rock Zombies, and Rocky Horror Picture Show”. It is a gorefest to be sure and the band name and song “Unnatural Urges” are the two perfect words to explain Camp Motion Pictures latest DVD release but in a good way. The DVD has the usual extras of a commentary, behind the scenes, trailers but I believe horror fans will be happy knowing this hidden insanity of a horror gem has been restored to its original ratio. So gorehounds rejoice and start ordering as I give the film 3 ½ out of 4 stars. It can be found at: https://www.alternativecinema.com .

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

And do not forget to order your copy of Gross Movie Reviews: The Wrath of Gross at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-the-wrath-of-gross/paperback/product-21975934.html or pick up a copy at Cinema Wasteland October 2-4, 2015 as Out of Print Dan and myself will have a table there! Go to www.cinemawasteland.com for more details on the convention.

Episode 169… Horror Realm and beyond!

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This week Jon Cross boarded a mega bus, Joe Garcia boarded a plane, Kyle got into his car, Tim put us up in Pittsburgh, and his wife tried to kill us with food.  This is the Horror Realm show.  What we did, what we drank, where we went, who we saw, and who had the shortest shorts.  All will be revealed about this glorious trip to an even more glorious convention and the awesome team-up that shut Pittsburgh down.  And only one hawk had to die in the process.

 

http://www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

episode 169

Gross Movie Reviews #354

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Gross Movie Reviews #354

 

By Tim Gross

 

Thor the Conqueror (DVD) – If there was a B-movie version of Conan this wouldn’t be it as it could only wish it was a B-movie. But leave it to the Eye-talians to make an oddity fantasy film that has a baby get shot with an arrow in the first five minutes! Then only to be rescued by a pervy wizard dude that narrates the whole fucking movie. And just for a little more flavoring there are cannibals… sort of, and weird boobs. I give this C-grade homage to Conan 1 ½ stars.

 

Rollerblade (VHS/DVD-R) – Oh I knew I was in for a treat when I see the New World Video aka New World Pictures logo come up. And if that wasn’t enough for me while watching the flick found out it is the prequel to “Rollerblade Warriors” which kinda explains the beginning now. Apparently the same dude that made these lesser known gems also made “Hell Comes to Frogtown” and its sequel!!! Its 1986 and the film takes place in the ‘City of Lost Angels’ during ‘The Second Dark Age’. An evil puppet dude controlled by some big masked mutation (Dr. Saticoy) wants the power core crystal thingy to take over the world. Problem some weird roller skating nuns protect the crystal and they are not too keen on letting any weirdo into their club so Dr. Saticoy makes a deal with one of his blade-wielding minions to go undercover. And somewhere in the middle Michelle Bauer shows up… naked… in a hot tub of course. Its 1986, what movie wasn’t Mrs. Bauer in? Anyhow it’s fun garbage and happy to find out “Rollerblade Warriors” is a sequel. So for that I give it 2 stars.

 

The Human Centipede 3: Final Sequence (On Demand) – I thought the first two films were brilliant by Tom Six but this flick is more for the people that just want the centipede saga to continue. For me it was kinda of a disappointment. But honestly I do not think there was anywhere else you could have gone with this series? But anyway we have that wicked evil doctor dude from the first flick playing an over the top warden of a maximum prison along with his accountant/assistant, the creepy security dude from the second film that thought “Human Centipede” was real. For an added bonus we have Bree Olsen (secretary), Eric Roberts (governor), Tony ‘Tiny’ Lister (a prisoner), and Tom Six as himself, along with a few other names that escape my mind now. The warden has lost his god damn mind and sings and dances his way to cutting a prisoner’s balls off to eat them because the governor is going to fire him because of his inability to run a prison. After watching the “Human Centipede” movies the warden decides with help of his accountant/assistant to have a ‘prison centipede’ constructed so it dissuades people from committing crimes and save money. And to make Tom Six’s dream come true as he still believes it is medically possible. I might have not liked the movie as much as the other two flicks but Eric Roberts was freaking great and it was cool seeing Bree Olsen. I give the film 2 stars.

 

Hansel & Gretel Get Baked (DVD) – Gretel and her boyfriend try some new weed called ‘Black Forest’ and apparently it’s from an old lady in Pasadena. This weed is amazingly better than the usually street stuff. Her brother does not par take in the weed smoking but becomes concern when Gretel’s boyfriend disappears when he goes to get more weed from the old lady who is played by Lara Flynn Boyle. Soon boyfriends, drug dealers, and meter men go missing in the neighborhood? The film was pleasantly funny and actually pretty good as I was expecting a shitty remake of “Half-Baked” smashed together with “Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters”. I give the flick 2 ½ stars. And I have to mention Yancy Butler makes a weird appearance as a police officer that really doesn’t have much to do with the storyline.

 

Roboshark (DVD/SyFy Channel) – Lame movie at times but give them kudos for trying something different and playing on the society being on social media 24/7 these days. But anyway alien lifeform lands in the ocean and turns a great white into a crazy robot shark kinda of looks like crude “MechaGodzilla” at a few angles. It goes around fucking shit up until a teenager is being followed on Twitter by ‘Roboshark’ and finds out he wants to phone home. I don’t make this shit up folks it is just people come and steal my weird ass dreams and thoughts out of my head at night. I give it 1 ½ stars.

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Scream Machine (DVD/Vimeo) – An independent anthology hosted by a horror host named Dr. Fry and his ‘Head’ that have five tales for anybody left that has survived a viral outbreak. The stories are Sledgehammer, Cannibal Pen Pals (which I enjoyed the most but laughed because it is supposed to be ‘Anywhere’ 1993 and the main character is driving a car newer than what I have… And while driving you can see all the other cars in the background made after 1993), April Fools Party, Drugs & Pranks Don’t Mix, Septic Shock (which was also kinda interesting and wouldn’t mind seeing fleshed out a little more into its own longer short film), and The Deadly Indie Drive-in. Fun stuff that reminds me of the early 90s independent films from the Polonia Brothers. The movie package has lots of heart and passion but needs more true actors than friends for this type of venture. I give the flick 2 out of 4 stars and can be purchased at: http://www.amazon.com/Scream-Machine-Tara-Carlton/dp/B00YAZND50/ref=sr_1_1?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1437243765&sr=1-1&keywords=scream+machine&pebp=1437243767166&perid=0BSHPV155JQHCKADG0QK

 

Spider Labyrinth (DVD) – A 1988 Eye-talian thriller about a Professor Whitmore who is sent to Budapest to check in with a Professor Roth to bring back his research on Project Intextus. Several professors from all over the world are in on this project but for some reason Roth is refusing to respond to any of Whitmore’s calls or mail. It involves all languages and ancient languages. Well Roth may have found an ancient culture that still exists where people believe in demons still. Very weird, very Eye-talian, and ends with a weird creature baby that turns into a spider to crawl into Whitmore’s arm to take over his soul! I give it 2 stars.

 

Hellgate (DVD) – Another 1989 New World Pictures release which should be a beautiful gem but is a gooey mess of a B-horror movie trying to scrap the bottom of the barrel called “80s horror”. An urban legend about a woman who walks the road to the old ghost town Hellgate at night and if you follow her you will die. Mainly because you are stupid but the woman’s dad has some kind of weird growth on the side of his face and likes to shoot people with a blue crystal that was found in a cave in the 50s. It is a cheesy but entertaining horror film but definitely has its issues and you can tell everyone was mostly just clocking in and out on this flick. But it has its share of cool classic cars, gooey monsters, and the dad looks like he was an extra from Charles Band’s “Mutant Hunt” or the B-classic “Robo Vampire”. I give it 2 stars.

 

Mega Shark vs Kolossus (DVD/SyFy Channel) – Mega Shark had offspring and the Russians have a doomsday project that has been awaken and both are on a collision course to fight… enough said unless Tara Reid or Deborah Gibson show up but they didn’t. That’s for the A-list SyFy Channel shark films. I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

And do not forget to order your copy of Gross Movie Reviews: The Wrath of Gross at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-the-wrath-of-gross/paperback/product-21975934.html or pick up a copy at Horror Realm July 24-26th, 2015 as Out of Print Dan and myself will have a table there! Go to www.horrorrealmcon.com for more details on the convention.

Jon Cross joins us on our latest episode

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This week we welcome back our bestest podcast buddy Jon Cross of the after movie diner podcast, and he brings along with him a Fred William flick from the 70’s called BLACK EYE.  Kyle talks about the newest Liam Neeson throat punching action jam RUN ALL NIGHT… Does he phone it in in this one?  NOPE!  Also, Tim checks out a sequel in BEYOND THE DOOR 2 a.k.a. SHOCK.  Also we answer your listener questions and chew the movie fat and discuss this week’s internet rumors and movie poop.  Come check it out or Liam will throat punch a baby.

 

http://www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

episode 167

Gross Movie Reviews #353

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Gross Movie Reviews #353

 

By Tim Gross

 

Stone Cold (DVD) – A very underrated action flick from the early 90s starring none other than Brain Bosworth as Officer Hough who goes undercover for the FBI. Hough’s undercover name is John Stone and the reason the FBI was interested in the Boz is he gets the job done. But this gig might be too much as he must get tight with a murderous biker gang lead by the man, the myth, the legend Lance Henriksen and his insane cohort William Forsythe! He gets in by going to kill a traitor of the gang. Boz actually deports the guy and uses him for information but comes back to haunt him later in the film. A lot of fun B-movie action with a couple A-list actors that I believe has gotten better with age. So do yourself a favor if you are action movie fan and rewatch this flick as I give 3 stars and then after that watch the 30 for 30 special on ‘The Boz’ and it puts a lot of things in focus if you were ever a fan of ‘The Boz’?

 

Aftermath (DVD) – Edward Furlong and Monica Keena star in what I claim is a remake of the 80s TV movie “The Day After”. As people are effected by the nuclear bombs that have been dropped on US soil one day. Trying to ride it out in a basement eventually they are driven out by crazed survivors of the devastation. Sad, depressing, and a little realistic like “The Day After” but well worth the watch if you enjoy post-apocalyptic flicks? I give the depressing look at what may happen someday 3 stars.

 

The Dead 2: India (DVD) – The zombie saga continues as apparently the sickness has reached the slums of a major city in India and the story centers around an American engineer and his Indian girlfriend. Just finding out she is pregnant he is trying to make his way to her home to help her and her family to escape the outbreak. Not as intriguing as the first film but not as boring either but my main issue is they seem to mail in on the effects. Like or not the first film had some amazing effects work. I watched it mainly because it is a sequel but I wouldn’t make it a point to go out of your way to see it as I give it 2 stars.

 

Hell Baby (DVD) – A hilarious flick about a couple who buy a house that happens to be haunted, has Key from the Key & Peele show living in the duct work, and was a steal because it was in a bad neighborhood. Soon the couple realize that the baby that is coming a spawn from hell and they need an exorcism. Hilarity ensues as it does make fun of several recent films but possibly the best part of the film is Key’s character as he just pops up everywhere in the house in almost every scene and has most of the great lines. I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Gallowwalkers (DVD) – I personally was hoping Wesley Snipes first horror movie in sometime would may be a “Blade” sequel but instead was this oddity of a bad film. Wesley Snipes’ character murders the gang that rape his woman, then they come back to life killing across the old west. And now Snipes is hunting them down again. Doesn’t make a ton of sense and kinda boring but couldn’t help myself wanting to see Wesley Snipes in another horror flick. I am disappointed and must give the film 1 star.

 

Sharks’ Treasure (DVD) – A 1975 film most likely trying to cash in on the “Jaws” fame with four dudes (one of them Yaphet Kotto) going to seek a sure thing in treasure off a small island. Once found and celebrating they are boarded by escape convicts that are looking for a boat to take them to freedom. Now the four must decide do they want to live or die trying to keep the treasure they have found. Not the most exciting shark film but you do get to see Yaphet Kotto fight a shark and that’s worth 2 stars alone.

 

Rites of Spring (DVD) – For the past years in this small community in Mississippi, young women of disappeared around the first day of spring. Now kidnappers of rich dude’s kid get involved by accident when a girl screaming bloody murder runs through the kidnapping gone bad and they all must deal with some creature that decapitates people. Apparently a farmer uses this creature for an early harvest every year and it has been a part of the family throughout generations. Great looking box art, but disappointing attempt at a scarecrow slasher type of horror film. There was nothing very memorable about the film as I give it 1 ½ stars.

call-girl-of-cthulhu

Call Girl of Cthulhu (Blu-ray/DVD) – First, great title for an independent horror film. Second, it’s been picked up by Camp Motion Pictures so you the horror fan including myself are going to be in for a treat. The story begins with a man named Carter Wilcox, who is trying to explain the events that have happened recently while he sits in front of a detective that wants answers. Mr. Wilcox is an artist but he is a lonely artist with a noisy roommate named Erika. Carter has a chance meeting with an escort named Riley who Wilcox asks to paint her. They become friendly and boom ‘The Great Old Ones’ are in town looking for a woman with a Cthulhu birthmark on her ass (Riley). Going through all the escorts in town they finally know its Riley. Once captured, she becomes the vessel for the legendary evil creature and breaks off her relationship with Wilcox. But meanwhile Wilcox just got a gig copying an old weird book. Then we got death by dildo and plastic fan, a really cool tongue cutting scene, heads exploding, zombie whores, crazy gore and goo flying everywhere, Riley turns into really weird and awful looking creature that resembles Chet from “Weird Science”, and it’s all happening at the ‘Church of Starry Wisdom’. First half of the film is a lot of tits and ass but once the film progresses into the Cthulhu mythology of how ‘The Great Old Ones’ are trying to bring Cthulhu into the world the film gets really interesting and entertaining. With the title it has it is expected to have some nude scenes but I was more impressed with not only the creature and cool make-up effects but the awesome and entertaining storyline plus the actors that played Riley, Carter, and Erika did a wonderful job. Also the Blu-ray combo pack has one of the best extras I have come across this year and it’s called: “My 5-year old niece explains Cthulhu”. It is so cute and so freaking hilarious! I have to give this entertaining independent horror/comedy 3 ½ out of 4 stars. Do yourself a favor and order a copy now at: www.alternativecinema.com .

 

Non-stop (DVD) – Liam Neeson proves this flick is no “Passenger 57” or “Executive Decision” and makes no sense why he would do this uninteresting action flick over an “A-team” sequel. Found it boring at times, skip this one folks and go watch “Run All Night” or “Taken” again as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

And do not forget to order your copy of Gross Movie Reviews: The Wrath of Gross at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-the-wrath-of-gross/paperback/product-21975934.html or pick up a copy at Horror Realm July 24-26th, 2015 as Out of Print Dan and myself will have a table there! Go to www.horrorrealmcon.com for more details on the convention.

There may be a second reason you should visit Horror Realm…

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Two words for you ED QUILLIN!

HR JUly 2015

The best artist I have ever had the pleasure of meeting and becoming friends with. After a chance meeting at a rest stop in Ohio after a Cinema Wasteland show of where Ed buys a copy of my book we became friends and the rest is history as Ed becomes the official artist of Gross Movie Reviews. There is no one like Ed as he can capture and draw a picture of you in minutes. His unique style not only has brought fans to read my reviews but make horror movie fans huge fans of his artwork and his amazing ability to draw stuff on the spot! What makes Ed the best also is Ed is just a regular person like you and myself and will have a beer with you while drawing, cool stuff folks. So make sure you check out Ed and his artwork when you come to Horror Realm… if you don’t, you do not want to know the alternative as I am sure Frankenhooker, mash potatoes, and a fridge door may be sitting on your front porch waiting to kill you!

Here is some of his work:

 

Wrath of Gross B&W

Don Muggins

Big Ass cover

fridgeGarveyard GrossGross TasteGross Title Page

Gross Movie Reviews pic

One reason you should come to Horror Realm…?

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The celebrity list looks great, events look fun, awesome vendors as usual, plus Tim Gross will be there with Out of Print Dan selling the new book “Gross Movie Reviews: The Wrath of Gross” , copies of Jagoff Massacre, and some other cool goodies from OOPD! But what if you had to pick one thing or reason you should come to Horror Realm because there is nothing like it around the state of Pa?

HR JUly 2015

For me it would be the man, the myth, the Frito-Pie eating, the T-shirt making machine, the legend… Joe Garcia!!!

Why? This is why:

 

http://www.fastcustomshirts.com/spookies-t-shirt/

Spookies

 

http://www.fastcustomshirts.com/woodchipper-massacre-t-shirt/

woodchipper

 

http://www.fastcustomshirts.com/cannibal-campout-t-shirt/

Cannibal

 

http://www.fastcustomshirts.com/split-second-t-shirt/

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http://www.fastcustomshirts.com/gross-movie-reviews-t-shirt/

GMR shirtOf course you gotta get one of those…

http://www.fastcustomshirts.com/jagoff-massacre-t-shirt/

Jagoff%252520Massacre%252520sm__66775_1415211719_1280_1280

But Mr. Joe Garcia has hundreds of selections at his website:

www.fastcustomshirts.com

Or just check out what he is making next at his facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/fastcustomshirts?fref=ts

And Fast Custom Shirts and the cool T-shirt Joe will be setting up at the fine convention of Horror Realm on July 24-26th, 2015! Get your tickets now for this great event or visit their page for more details: http://www.horrorrealmcon.com

 

Hey horror fans and fiends everyone have a safe holiday weekend!!!

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Still love this fucking movie!

 

Brought to you by http://www.fastcustomshirts.com

http://www.fastcustomshirts.com/uncle-sam-t-shirt/

 

Horror Realm & Pop Expo – Panel/Event/Film Schedule

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Its coming sooner than you think make your plans now!

Horror Realm & Pop Expo – Panel/Event/Film Schedule

HR JUly 2015

 

 

http://www.horrorrealmcon.com

Horror Realm Con & Pop Expo

 

July 24-26, 2015

 

 

 

Panel/Event Schedule*

 

 

 

 

Friday, July 24

 

7:00 PM               Caroll Spinney

 

 

 

Saturday, July 25

 

11:00 AM             Patty Mullen

 

12:10 PM             Erin Murphy

 

1:30 PM               Daeg Faerch

 

2:45 PM               A. Michael Baldwin

 

4:00 PM               John Borowski

 

5:00 PM               Tattoo contest sponsored by Pittsburgh Tattoo Company

 

6:00 PM               Ryan Hurst

 

9:00 PM               Zombie Luau poolside pre-party

 

10:00 PM             Zombie Luau

 

12:00 AM             The Underground Party sponsored by ToeTag

 

 

 

Sunday, July 26

 

1:00 PM               Costume contest sponsored by Castle Blood

 

 

 

Film Schedule*

 

 

 

Friday, July 24

 

5:00 PM               Doom Asylum

 

7:00 PM               The Other Side

 

8:00 PM               The Monster Squad w/Andre Gower in person at The Hollywood Theater– separate admission cost

 

9:00 PM               Shivers

 

10:30 PM             The Crazies w/Lynn Lowry in person at The Hollywood Theater – separate admission cost

 

11:30 PM             Rocky Horror Picture Show with shadow cast by The Junior Chamber of Commerce Players

 

 

 

Saturday, July 25

 

8:00 AM               Classic 80’s cartoons

 

9:00 AM               Follow That Bird w/Caroll Spinney in person at The Hollywood Theater – separate admission cost

 

9:00 AM               Classic wrestling

 

11:00 AM             Super Task Force One

 

1:00 PM               Bigfoot The Movie with cast Q&A

 

3:00 PM               Jagoff Massacre with special sneak peek of Jagoff Massacre 2

 

4:15 PM               Evil in the Woods sponsored by Massacre Video

 

5:50 PM               Skinless sponsored by Dustin Mills

 

10:30 PM             H.H. Holmes with John Borowski at The Hollywood Theater in person – separate admission charge

 

 

 

Sunday, July 26

 

9:00 AM              Classic 80’s cartoons

 

10:00 AM            Classic wrestling

 

 

 

*Panels & movies are open only to convention pass holders, convention guests and vendors

 

 

 

Schedule subject to change at any time

Gross Movie Reviews #352

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Gross Movie Reviews #352

 

By Tim Gross

 Scarewaves

Scarewaves (DVD) – The unique independent filmmaker Henrique Couto is always trying to give the audience a different flick every time out. And Mr. Couto did not disappoint with his latest release as it’s an anthology of urban legend inspired stories. All the stories are told by radio host Amos Satan who wants something different for his last night on the show. While conversing with callers he tells the stories. But also someone keeps calling in threating Mr. Satan. All the segments are a nice length and do not seem to drag as most anthologies there always seem to be that weak segment no matter how good the others are. Henrique seems to find an even flow with the stories. The anthology is a lot of fun, could have used more blood, but entertaining and great pick up for independent fans as I give the new release 2 ½ out of 4 stars. You can purchase or find out more about the film at: https://www.alternativecinema.com or https://www.facebook.com/pages/Alternative-Cinema-Pop-Cinema-Studios/99873255809?fref=ts .

 

Killer Dead (DVD-R) – A very unknown 1992 film that was made aware to my Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast partner by Out of Print Dan a few weeks ago that may or may not be the unofficial sequel to “Spookies”! No bullshit director Brendan Faulkner gets the “Spookies” gang back together and from the sketchy details it was 1989 and made another movie on a fraction of the budget for “Spookies”… And yes Gabe Bartalos was there along for the ride doing special effects. The film also had the title “Non Vegetarian Zombies from Outer Space” and I believe was released with this title outside of the US in a very limited release on VHS. And there may have been a Japanese laserdisc but cannot prove or disprove this as I have found a picture of it but no information. But for the “Spookies” fans a group of campers lead by Vinny and a generic Indiana Jones go into the woods for some weekend fun until a UFO crashes and the group stumbles upon it. Soon aliens come out of the spacecraft and begin shooting at the campers and bring the dead back to life to kill all of them. And let’s not forget Vinny’s wife is supposed to be killed by a couple mob hitmen. The movie is a mess, the copy is low quality, and I laughed the whole time watching it as someone besides us may or may not had the idea of a sequel to “Spookies” years ago! I give it 3 stars for it being the random mess it is. There was supposedly plans for a DVD release but no information can be found on whether it will or was going to actually happen.

 

We Are Still Here (On Demand) – A very surprising cool horror flick starring Barbara Crampton and set in the 70s. An older couple buys a house in a small rural town shortly after their college-aged son has died. A few strange things happen in the house the two weeks they have been that makes Crampton’s character believe their son’s spirit is there with them. But it is so much more as the mayor keeps checking in on them and they have a couple hippie friends stopping up to stay for a few days that may be able to help? The film is very story driven and you gotta to stick with it as you just learn that the mayor is an asshole and there is more to this house and rural town that the movie leads onto until that perfect moment. Then it’s a BLOODBATH! I give it 4 stars.

 

Crash! (VHS/DVD-R) – It is debatable if this was Charles Band’s first directorial effort or not? In 1973 there was this project “Last Foxtrot in Burbank” where he even used a different name which wasn’t uncommon at the time but then four years later we got this flick that seem to be the go button on Mr. Band’s career. So let me know if you see “Last Foxtrot in Burbank”? But in the meantime let’s talk “Crash!” where a black Camaro is running people off the road with no driver behind it. This happens quite often after a dog attacks a beautiful woman on a mountainside and causes her to crash. She is later found on the side of a highway and taken to the hospital gripping a lucky charm, an evil idle that she picked up at the Drive-in swap meet earlier that day. Apparently the charm allows her to get revenge and control her car as it smashes into everyone on the highway. Fun movie with lots of car crashes but the driverless car causes at least one death before she is ever put into the coma by her husband’s dog. Don’t if its editing, or you are supposed to overlook this, or it might be a combo of things. But not finding much information on VHS releases, etc., it is tough to say. But anyway I thought I seen all the driverless/devil car movies from the 70s and 80s and I was just happy to get a hold of a movie from early on in Charles Band’s career as I give it 2 stars.

 

A City of Ember (DVD) – Imagine if Disney made an apocalypse movie and it starred Bill Murray and Tim Robbins this would be it. As an underground city has survived for the past 200 years on the premise of being told there is no outside world, it was destroyed. But the lights are going out more often and no one is sure of how to fix the big generator that supplies the city. Two teenagers come into possession of a box that was carried by all the mayors of the city over the years. The box has a map and instructions to the outside world and these two teenagers are determined to do it as they also find out the city is running out of food too. Think of it as a light-hearted post-apocalyptic flick as I give it 2 stars.

 

The Haunting in Connecticut 2: Ghosts of Georgia (DVD) – Okay before I review this flick am I wrong that this film should be titled something else as it takes place in Georgia and not Connecticut?  I understand the film company is trying to capitalize on the popularity but change the fucking title for the love of Rutger Hauer! A confusing story about ghosts of slaves that walk this property thinking they were safe or looking for safety during the time the South believed in slavery. And the property was just purchased by a family where the wife, the sister, and the child can see ghosts. They try to understand why the ghosts of the slaves are showing up but there is also a strange ghost of an old dude talking to the little girl too. Movie is a little too confusing in the end for me and in the end just wasn’t that good as I give it 1 star.

 

Annabelle (DVD) – I figured I would get around to watching the prequel to “The Conjuring” eventually that tells the story of the evil doll that became a popular thing for movie fans in “The Conjuring”. What it amounts to is Annabelle predates Chucky with no Brad Dourif but some weirdo girl who ran away with a cult in the 70s. Then two years later comes back with her crazy ass boyfriend to kill her parents, gets shot in the process when trying to kill the helping neighbors, and boom crazy runaway possesses the doll… supposedly, since this is based on the Warrens adventures. First flick I enjoyed, this flick kinda blah and it’s no Charles Lee Ray! I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Killer Legends (DVD/Chiller Channel) – Rachel Mills and Joshua Zeman (writer and director of “Cropsey”) take it upon themselves to do a documentary on how real urban legends got started. They investigate where the and poisoned trick or treat candy urban legend started and how it got out of control, the killer clown that was seen by hundreds of school children several times over the years, the person calling from within the house while a babysitter is doing her job, the Candyman, and Texarkana event from 1946 sparked several urban legends. Interesting documentary but like most doesn’t give you the answers you are looking for a lot of times. But still worthy of a watch as I give it 2 stars.

 

The Nightmare (On Demand) – Another intriguing documentary about a subject that many people have had or still have and that is ‘sleep paralyses’. Eight people share their stories, their experiences, and the aftermath of seeing: shadow people, dark blobs, TV people, red eyes, and darkness. The documentary dives into why this condition exists and how people who have it can be very affected by it. Now I never had this issue of where I wake up but cannot move but the one thing I got out of it is these people suffer from a lack of sleep and this may perhaps explain alien abduction but that is just me. I am sure it’s scary for some of these folks, but there is a couple I wanted to just say stop taking the acid or shrooms and you will be fine. I give it 2 stars.

RFSS

Reichsfuhrer SS (DVD/Vimeo) – The same independent filmmaker that gave us “Operation: Nazi Zombies” a few years back is back at again with another Nazi film that involves Heinrich Himmler on about a $25,000 budget. The film is about how Himmler became a murdering Nazi bastard and meets the gatekeeper of hell after his suicide in 1945. While with the gatekeeper of hell Himmler goes through his past of what started him on his incredible murderous path. The crew does an amazing job with costumes, use of locations, décor, and even the gatekeeper of hell. If I didn’t tell you the budget of this flick most viewers would guess that the budget would be more like $200, 000 or $300,000 because of how authentic things look. The crew, the actors, and filmmaker go all out in this bad ass entertaining film about Himmler getting what he deserved in the end. I love watching independent movies that pay attention to detail when it comes to pictures, flags, etc. when movies are set in a certain time period and they should be proud of this project. I give this flick 3 out of 4 stars and more about this new release can be found at:  https://www.facebook.com/RFSSMovie?fref=ts .

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

And do not forget to order your copy of Gross Movie Reviews: The Wrath of Gross at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-the-wrath-of-gross/paperback/product-21975934.html or pick up a copy at Horror Realm July 24-26th, 2015 as Out of Print Dan and myself will have a table there! Go to www.horrorrealmcon.com for more details on the convention.