Tag Archives: Silent Night

Gross Movie Reviews #690

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Infinite Santa 8000: Web Series (YouTube) – Before there was a full feature there was this holiday animated horror treat that was just mind blowing and thought it was time for a revisit for those of yinz that haven’t witnessed the awesomeness. The web series was conducted into 13 short episodes that ran a little over two minutes (a couple seconds less or more on a couple) paired with some bad ass thrashing music for the intro and outro. This story is set in a post-apocalyptic world a thousand years from now where all that is left is mutants and Robo people. Believed to be the only one left Santa lives a quiet life but he also must kill for food these days in order to survive these harsh future times. The mystical man is also a gun totting, machete wielding, flame throwing son of a bitch as mutants find ultimate death at his hands. But in a world with no hope a young girl named Martha comes into Santa’s life as they become quick friends. Unbeknownst to either Martha is a pawn used to get Santa out of hiding for an evil doctor to do experimentation on the fat jolly old fool for his magical powers of survival all these years. Santa and Martha escape the evil doctor’s clutches for now in search of a safe place in the wasteland but in this sadistic creature filled future there is nowhere to hide! The music is bad ass, the animation is wonderful, and after all these years the story still holds up as I always like to call this “Animated Santa in Mad Max world”. So this holiday season do yourself a favor and go watch this “FREE” web series on the YouTubes n’at to check out what some cool Indie folk did about 15 years ago as I give this project 4 out of 4 stars.

10/31 Part 4 (Blu-ray) – The popular Indie anthology series is back with a few stories and trailers to scare you. The first story called ‘Ejecdead’ focuses on a VHS tape brings a killer to life on Halloween when watched as a crazy horror fan tries to keep a Halloween tradition alive finds out the hard way after renting it. The second story ‘Haig’s Heart’ is about revenge as an owner of a chocolate bar factory gives away all his stock for Halloween as he poisoned it all. The third story ‘The Witch’s Curse’ revolves around sisters being witches and being slaughtered in 1969. Now their home has become part of a reality show for Halloween. The fourth story ‘Moonlight Massacre’ is about a young man being bitten by a werewolf then trying to deal with it. The trailers in-between stories were a lot of fun, my highlight of this whole project may have been ‘The Gravestalkers’ trailer as that looks to have a lot of potential if made into a feature? Anyhow everything was solid in this entire project but this anthology felt more forced than natural if it makes sense? Plus I have felt the last entry; Part 3 was the best of the bunch where everything finally came together. It’s possible this might be the time to put this Halloween tradition to bed as it may have run its course as I liked the effort this time around but this series may have peaked with the third film as I give this 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

The Hand that Feeds the Dead (Blu-ray) – This rare early 70s Euro film stars the infamous Klaus Kinski and up until recently was believed to be lost here in America until Full Moon gave it a proper release with subtitles over the past year or so. This time piece has a professor secluded to a mansion with his so-called wife where he kidnaps young women to perform experimental skin grafts to said wife in hopes of correcting her injuries she suffered in a fire ten years ago. As females from the village continue to disappear and a stranded couple at the mansion becomes curious with authorities Kinski’s character knows he must finish his work sooner than later. As usual Kinski is bigger than life on screen and sleazy as usual as this lost euro film will fill the black hearts of some horror fans as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Space Goblins (YouTube) – An animated short film that has a duo of space goblins who are bounty hunters that somehow feels like a lost idea from MTV’s ‘Liquid Television’ for those weirdos old enough to remember it. In this 26 minute galactic weirdness has the odd duo tracking down a criminal to a planet with a bar called “The Glory Pole” as long as they ain’t bitching about goblin life in space and paying taxes they always get their man or alien! An odd but hilarious project that could even be described as a dark episode of ‘Galaxy High’ Saturday morning cartoon as the space goblins scour the galaxy to bring in the crud for payment in hopes of bringing peace for all. This is a project has quite a lot of potential as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Silent Night, Deadly Night (Remake/Theater) – So this was the second time around for the 1984 classic to remade that caught myself and a lot of horror fans by surprise of being made. Of course being a huge fan of the original I had to see what the hell they were going to do this time around… and folks I really liked this one! Without trying to give things away because I feel this remake needs to be seen to be believed as the filmmaker and writers flipped this story on its head. What do I mean by this? They figured out how to pay homage to the original but at the same time understanding retelling of the original story just wouldn’t work these days. Best way to describe this film: Killer Santa somehow transforms into an anti-hero who at one point kills Nazis! Yes, folks all the elements of the original with Billy becoming a Killer Santa are there but they do it in such a glorious way for 2025 that we even get the famous line: “It’s Garbage Day”. This is one of those remakes that I am curious to see if it makes an impact enough for horror fans to enjoy two or three holiday seasons from now as that 2012 remake was solid but missed the point of the 1984 original. You gave me lots of blood, an odd take on Killer Santa that surprised me it worked, and finally a small town in a horror film where everyone is a POS, for that I cannot believe I am saying this I give this project 4 stars and wouldn’t be surprised it sneaks into my “top ten” for 2025. Horror fans seriously don’t miss out on seeing this film in the theaters it was a lot of fun!

The Mean One (Tubi) – Finally giving this a watch that is the horror version of ‘The Grinch’ oh I am sorry legally they are not allowed to call that as they call “it”, ‘The Green Monster’ or ‘The Mean One’. Cindy returns to her family home many years after her mother was supposedly killed by a green monster in a Santa suit on Christmas. With her appearance and wanting to celebrate Christmas in the town that doesn’t celebrate the holiday any longer she brings death as ‘The Green Monster’ reappears again. Of course the cops claim they don’t believe her and want Cindy to go away but after Cindy does training and becomes bootleg Lucy Lawless for a hot minute she is ready to go hunting for this creature. The film parodies ‘The Grinch’ from beginning to end but what I was looking for never happened unless you consider the green monster was supposed to be Santa Claus??? I wanted an explanation to this thing and how it existed, not a feature length horror parody that cannot legally use the name. I know it’s cruel but this was just above a large turd as I give it a ½ star.

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Gross Movie Reviews #627

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A Creature is Stirring (DVD) – So this was an interesting holiday film that stars Scout Taylor-Compton who I feel has craved a wonderful nice horror career for her. We are thrown right into an odd situation where a mother and daughter are struggling to communicate but clearly there is something more going on. As the two continue to deal with their secret to the audience a couple of backpackers have stumbled upon these two alone in a house during a vicious blizzard. As the holiday film gets a little odder we learn the daughter is some kind of porcupine magical monster shit?! This film had to be one of the odder holiday genre films I have ever encountered as I feel you need to be under the influence of drugs just to understand everything that happens as I give it a solid 2 ½ stars.

Silent Night (On Demand) – A John Woo film that seems to have that feeling of slipping under the radar of all the holiday nonsense here in the states and have been under advertised if that makes sense? The film opens with a terrific car stunt scene with the main character Brian and a pair of gangbangers. Brian’s boy was killed by a stray bullet and Brian took it upon himself to seek justice but fails as he is shot in the neck. But miraculously Brian survives to ignore his wife and begin training for next Christmas Eve where he plans to rein hell among all the gangbangers in his area. There isn’t a lot of dialogue and what helps this action flick out is this isn’t your Jason Statham taking an army of people and coming out completely untouched. Vengeance is messy, stupid in some cases, and everything doesn’t go to exact plan you had as this had some fun effects and stunts but feels like its holding back a little since it was made here and I can only give it 2 ½ stars.

Section 8 (DVD) – Dolph Lundgren, Scott Adkins, and Mickey Rouke star in this feature about a dude named Jake who is trying to live the normal life until he has a scuffle with some neighborhood gangbangers who in return kill his kid and wife. Jake after losing his shit and killing a bunch of people for revenge is seeked out by a Black Ops team “Section 8” for a ‘get out of jail free card’ if he works for them. Jake isn’t happy with the option but takes it because he is out of prison until he is asked to kill some kids and now on the run. If there was one thing you will notice about this movie besides some of the kick ass action scenes is that everyone on the “Section 8” team goes overboard with the eyeliner as I give the film 3 stars.

Dreamland (DVD) – Stephen McHattie lives in some fucked up alternate world where he works for Henry Rollins and is asked to kill his doppelganger who happens to be some musician for a countess (Juliette Lewis) whose brother is a vampire and going to get married to a 13 year old! So there is a countess, a vampire, underage marriage, a mob boss played by Henry Rollins, kids smoking, and kids being sold on a regular basis… Yep you read that all correct as not a whole lot makes sense until the very end as it’s all about saving the kids in this German/Canadian/Belgium production as I give it 2 ½ stars only because Stephen McHattie plays two characters!

Ip Man 4: The Finale (DVD) – Leave it to my weird movie viewing ass to start with the last film first in this martial arts action series. Donnie Yen is Mr. Ip in 1964; San Francisco where his star pupil Bruce Lee has asked for his presence to help him get the Chinese in Chinatown to understand it is a good thing to teach martial arts to all people not one certain kind of people. The grandmasters ask Mr. Ip to keep his student in check while he is dealing with cancer and what time he has left to have with his son? Mr. Ip is not only asked to eventually to defend Mr. Lee and his people but his use of martial arts which becomes a highlight movie fight in the last ten minutes of the film with Donnie Yen and Scott Adkins as I give the film 4 stars.

Destroy All Neighbors (Shudder) – William who is a big Prog Rock dude and works on his own music constantly but never that big break has a noisy new neighbor who has just moved in. Vlad the new neighbor bothers William so much it is keeping him up at night but dislikes confrontation. William finally gets the nerve to speak out at Vlad but after a weird chaotic fake fight Vlad is impaled and that is where it gets real interesting for William as he proceeds to kill all his neighbors! The chaos of the murders goes next level weird when William begins to talk to the victims and they become his new dead friends who also play instruments in his recording! This is a weird not totally sure if it’s all a dream kind of horror comedy that will not knock your socks off funny but solid enough for a few laughs and happy you got to watch it as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #524

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Gross Movie Reviews #524

 

Silent Night, Bloody Night (DVD) – A cultish holiday film for horror fans out there, that also stars the likes of John Carradine and a young Mary Woronov. The story begins in 1950 with old man Butler burning to death on Christmas Eve at his home that was once an asylum. Twenty years pass and the grandson rolls into town wanting to sell the place cheap. But someone or something is in the vacant home murdering townsfolk who had something to do with a strange Christmas Eve event that happened in the home in 1935. Slowly the truth comes out on what exactly happened and the townsfolk have a big secret they been keeping from everyone. The film is a bit slow by today’s standards but if you stay in the frame of mind of when it was made (1972) you will quite enjoy the buildup of the plot as I give the film 2 stars.

 

Monster Hunters (On Demand) – Another crapfest from Asylum that in years past would have been a Saturday SyFy Channel premiere because of it starring Tom Sizemore. Now don’t get me wrong Asylum Entertainment has had its good projects through the years. But more times than not some of these projects really look like someone made up the script day by day during filming after they got the main filming process done with Tom Sizemore? An elite military squad has been training secretively for the eventual alien invasion since aliens have visited several times through the years. Well they have to jump into action when a prison ship of aliens crash land on the planet or Sizemore is gonna nuke the crash off the face of the earth. This was gut wrenching worse than usual and most likely a project put together during the pandemic which didn’t do it any favors. But hey folks that is why I exist is to watch and warn you about films like this as I give it 0 stars.

 

The Wolf of Snow Hollow (On Demand) – Robert Forster is an aging sheriff with a heart condition and his son is a hot headed/alcoholic deputy who patrols a small ski mountain town in Utah. They barely give out tickets let alone get a homicide in the area until now. During the full moon women are being slaughtered by what looks to be a wolf but the deputy refuses to buy into the whole werewolf thing. But as the bodies pile up during the full moons and pressure from the local folk on the deputy gets worse they start to believe they are dealing with a wolf. A weird, corky, and a good amount of gore with a small twist made this an unexpected fun watch as I give it 3 stars.

The Spirit Gallery (DVD) – The story is about a young Christian woman named Gwen who fully believes art is a gift from god and is excited to work for an agent named Mr. Hall. Purpose for this job is for Gwen to feel closer to the recluse artist B.A. Catch as Mr. Hall is his agent. Mr. Catch is considered one of the greats but very few have seen his work as it is rumored his work steals the soul of his muses. Gwen almost obsessed with Mr. Catch finally gets to meet him and Mr. Catch is inspired again with Gwen as she has a true soul that inspires the talented Mr. Catch in working again. Her boss tries to warn Gwen but her love for Mr. Catch’s work and the individual clouds her judgment. The two go off to put together the best work Catch has ever done. This S.O.V. flick is more of a high brow story with a splash of Henenlotter that may surprise people who have never seen this film? For that I give this quite different film 2 ½ stars and the DVD has some cool extras for fans too.

Letters to Satan Claus (SyFy Channel) – A job driven woman Holly Frost is an investigator for her local news station. Ms. Frost goes undercover in disguise to break news stories but now has a special assignment that could put her at the news desk as a regular nightly news anchor. She must go back to her home town of Ornaments to cover their annual holiday event but Holly isn’t thrilled with this idea as she has changed her name since leaving there and never really had the Christmas spirit. See as a child Holly’s parents were killed on Christmas after Holly mistakenly wrote a letter to “Satan Claus” not “Santa Claus” to get rid of her parents! Holly sees this mistake when returning to her sister’s house and drunken does it again which causes Satan Claus to return. This time Satan Claus begins murdering people of this Christmas holiday driven community to gear up for a climatic fight with Holly Frost/Winters. It is one hell of a holiday cheeseball movie that only can be summarized as a Hallmark Christmas horror film that I give 3 stars to for being entertaining as hell.

 

The Demonic Surgeon from Hell (YouTube) – Hard working Indy filmmakers Alex Wesley and Philip Brocklehurst have a short film project about a surgeon (Clyde) who comes from a long line of surgeons. But this man is obsessed with the dead and a trinket filled with evil changes his life as it awakens a deep darkness inside of him that has him do unimaginable things! A well thought out premise that I would love to see developed into a feature as there is so many directions it could go as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Tales from the Hood 3 (DVD) – Honestly I do not remember there being a part two but I did enjoy the first anthology that was released so what the hell I will always watch a sequel… Anyway Tony Todd and a little girl are walking through a cemetery to a dark home that they seem to be hiding from demons? Here the little girl is told to be quiet by Tony’s character but they agree for her to whisper stories because she is scared. The first two stories were pretty good as they dealt with an apartment fire and a racist zoo. But the the other two stories deal with stealing a body and bad things happening to a criminal that just seem to kill off any interesting direction the anthology was going… for that I only can give this anthology 2 stars.

 

Toys of Terror (SyFy Channel ) – A house flipping family heads to an old vacant Children’s home/hospital in the mountains for Christmas. You know how we all do that right? Anyway, the plan is for the family to enjoy the holidays there while they get some work done to earn a big payday on the vacant place but things change when the kids find an old trunk full of toys. The kids are absolutely estatic to play with these toys as the family slowly picks up on they are evil and want the kids to be a part of the spirits that play with them. From the start you know what is going to happen but it feels like a lackluster reboot of Charles Band’s ‘Demonic Toys’ that fails trying to give the viewer even a slight scare. Also when am I gonna have a movie where the kids die at the end or about too and the parents say “fuck it” and save themselves? Come on filmmakers lets get with the times or I will have to just write a story about it as give this bummer of a holiday film 0 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

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Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !