Gross Movie Reviews #661

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Jurassic Exorcist (DVD) – In this Mark Polonia film a cult leader combines his evil with a dinosaur allowing it to eat everything in its devilish path after his death. Meanwhile a priest that has lost his faith in god is introduced to time travel as this allows him to go back a million years or so to exorcise this beast before it ever gets to present day! This wacked out plot taking place in a small town makes for a hilarious experience for viewers as I give the film 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Grandma (Fawesome) – Twenty years ago Grandma’s Bed and Breakfast was a wonderful place to eat breakfast for the small town folk until it was revealed she been using humans for meat. People were disappearing from time to time but no one thought anything of it until that tragic day her place was investigated. Soon Grandma disappeared and part of the restaurant was torn down. Now in present day a young woman named Mallory inherits money from her dying father and she wanted to honor his memory by buying the place they both had fond memories of, “Grandma’s Bed and Breakfast”. The goal is for Mallory and a couple friends to clean the place up for business again. But clearly Grandma has returned and not too happy to share her place as she lures them one by one to their deaths. It is a crude but fun SOV shocker that captures that early 90s Indy vibe as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

George A. Romero’s Resident Evil (In Demand) – The purpose of this film is to look into why Romero’s vision of the popular video game never got made. In order to do that this film works twofold: tell the story of George A. Romero from the beginning but also the story of how Resident Evil became the horror game that changed so much in video games. This documentary dives head deep into the process of the game becoming a movie and compares the vision of Romero to Paul Anderson’s script. I quite enjoyed they brought up several times how people who are fans of the games dreaded the movie that came out (this officially ends me bitching about this series of films being an abomination on cinema) and reasons why we got what we got. The film runs a little long but I found it entertaining and very informative as it left I with only one question now… Should someone (cough, cough, Tom Savini or Greg Nicotero) go ahead and make the version of the script Romero wrote so long ago? I give this entertaining look into something I have yelled about constantly for years 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Teddiscare (Tubi) – Another hilarious project from Mark Polonia and stars Tim Hatch with some really cool opening credits for the film. A young man Duncan receives a phone call that his father is dying as he has just returned from an asylum adjusting to life outside again. His father’s dying words are “don’t return to the woods of your childhood”. Of course Duncan cannot resist investigating the woods and quickly finds his stuffed animal collection from his childhood like they had been waiting there the whole time for him. Meanwhile a partner of Duncan’s father at the Filbert Plant is overlooking how the estate is given out and wants to screw over Duncan but Duncan would like him to meet his friend Teddy? Maybe one of the more weird projects from Polonia Brothers Entertainment in the past decade with a fun performance from Tim Hatch as I give the project 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Torture the Flesh (Blu-ray) – For the past year a serial killer has made a name for himself killing all over town causing the lead detective grasping for answers. Detective Frank is an over the hill cop who is a smidge away from retirement but believes he may have gotten the break he needs with a recent mother-to-be/wife and young kid being murdered by the serial killer. In comes the widow Daniel who wants answers from the frustrated detectives as he has plans to get his revenge. As the killer eludes capture the story keeps coming back to Daniel and Detective Frank until the very end. As each new murder happens they get even more grisly than the murder before in this low budget Indy feature with a nice large budget gloss as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Witch Story (DVD) – A late 80s Eye-talian flick that starts in 1932 Florida where a witch is burned to death while her kid watches. Of course the witch curses everyone there and their offspring which brings us 57 years later where a pair of siblings (brother and sister) inherits the house the witch owned. Ed and Carol see this as an opportunity for them and friends to fix the place up but immediately when they arrive the evil is awakened to kill all who have entered the home. We get a cursed house, a story that doesn’t quite make a lick of sense, one demonic blowjob, kissing cousins, a creepy priest/I am not a priest, and an ending that has you asking why the witch just wanted to hold her child in purgatory just to lure victims to the house? Point is its weird as I give the film 2 stars.

Leech (YouTube) – Here is another Indy project from David Dawson out of the state of Illinois that gave me a very pandemic vibe of making this film. Anyway we are introduce to Darklord of Loves Park who pretty much live streams everything he does: listening to music, making so-called music, eating a rat, going to the bar, asking for funds, etc. Mostly the Darklord seems to enjoy bickering with the group of people who do follow his streams until “Content Corner Mike” appears. Content Corner Mike begins uses his stream to try to get more subscribers to the Darklord because he believes the Darklord isn’t faking it and an interesting watch that’s different from most streams. But this decision leads to an unwanted feud and eventual violence in a very curious but realistic way that easily can be seen happening in real life. This no budget film can feel very rough around the edges but pay attention to the heart of this film because I think this had a great concept as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Teddy Told Me To (Tubi) – A film that is directed by Tom Devlin who is known more for his special make-up effects than directing has been dipping his toes into the genre of being a director. The plot of this flick takes place at a closed haunted attraction that a cute couple: Zoe and Danny buy up to reopen. It was originally closed because a young man wearing a bear mask lost his shit inside the attraction and killed people. Now reopening the man with the bear mask has returned to slaughter the haunters and all who enter. Not a huge fan of the ending but a lot of bodies pile up in this simple slasher that it keeps it bloody entertaining as I give it 2 stars.

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Gross Movie Reviews #459

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Gross Movie Reviews #459

 

Superstition (DVD) – In 1692, a witch is burned at the stake but before she dies she of course curses all involved and their families. Now in 1982, a family looking for a fresh start moves into a long empty house that has some history of people dying over the years. Never mind an old retired priest allows them to move in knowing the possibility of death and that the swimming pond out back was placed there to keep the evil witch at bay. Which by the way the pond doesn’t work that well. The neighbor warns them of the strange stuff and the weirdo son of course is the suspect the police are looking for. But who cares a crazy buzz saw flies into the chest of another priest who hoped the curse was gone! If you were a person that frequent the video stores in the 80s good chance you seen the VHS box at one point. The film not great but not horrible either as it is a reminder of movies you never heard of and would take a chance on renting them in the 80s. I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Superstition 2 (YouTube) – The Italian sequel was released in 1989 and was mostly known under the title “Witch Story”. It has very little to do with the first film other than a witch cursing everyone and a cross that can fend the witch off. A brother and sister take their college friends to an abandoned home they inherited and has some bad history. Even though this film involves a witch it has more of a demon flick tone as demons possess some of the young people and turn them on each other. If there is one reason to watch this it is for the bad ass scene involving a dude in a pond about to get a chainsaw to the skull from his possessed girlfriend! I give the sequel 2 stars but in the end don’t make a whole of sense.

 

Lady Avenger (VHS) – David DeCoteau directs, Michelle Bauer shows up topless at least three times, and William Butler plays the boyfriend of Maggie our “Lady Avenger”. The woman that plays Maggie also goes on about a year or so later to be in Playboy. Anyway Maggie has just got out of the big house to go to her brother’s funeral. Pissed off and wanting answers she breaks away from her protective custody to get to the boatyard to ask questions. After kicking three dudes ass and gets away from them in a fiery car chase she bangs her boyfriend and gets back on the case. As she begins to piece things together of all involved she realizes the people she wants revenge against are much closer to her than she thinks. This of course ups the level of wanting revenge where she goes all Robert “The Exterminator” Ginty with a flamethrower. A fun C-grade action flick that was a direct-to-video back in 1988 as I give this flick 2 ½ stars.

 

A Bay of Blood (DVD) – A 1971 Mario Bava film that has many death scenes stolen by the “Friday the 13th” films whether horror fans admit it or not.  Because of an older woman unwilling to sell her beautiful land and we get some fast and furious murders. The movie begins with two murders. One is the older woman who is made to look like a suicide. Then who killed her is then killed by an unknown person and his body is made to disappear so no one can find it. A wonderful film of double crosses with an excellent ending. For one reason or another Bava has never been in my wheelhouse so I am not a fan nor a hater but willing to check out his films when I come across them. I give it 2 ½ stars.

Death Kiss (On Demand) – So are you a fan of Chuck Bronson and the “Death Wish” films then you will enjoy bootleg Bronson in this low budget homage to those films. We meet a DJ played by Daniel Baldwin who just rages against the city police for not doing their job. That maybe a vigilante is needed? In comes bootleg Chuck Bronson who doesn’t use many words but has many uses for hand guns to bring down criminals. He steals the money from the criminals he brings down and hands it off to a single mother of a little girl in a wheelchair. Thinking she is charity and needs to pay bootleg Chuck backed she tries her best to find out more about him. But bootleg Bronson has his reasons and keeps them at arm’s length. The movie is absolutely a lot of nostalgia and fun. The movie isn’t perfect but a wonderful gift for us Bronson fans to fill the void as I give this flick 3 stars.

 

The Horseman (On Demand) – A hidden low budget gem from Australia about a 44-year old father who has just lost his daughter under suspicious circumstances. The father is sent a porn video that stars his daughter who was used by four men and was under the influence of heavy drugs. After seeing this it sends the man into a primal rage to seek out all involved, torture them horribly, and end their lives for what they did to his daughter. As he travels on the highway on his quest he picks up a hitchhiking teenager named Alice. Alice and the man become friends on the road but she knows nothing of his quest for revenge. The story is gritty, screwed up, and this dude has a thing about fucking up people’s dicks! This is literally one bad ass air pump to the penis as I give it 3 ½ stars and yes the father uses a tire pump!

 

Halloween: The Panhandle Massacre (YouTube) – A not-for-profit fan film written and directed by Dean Thomas stars David Dietz as Dr. Loomis’ grandson who oversees Michael Myers. Myers has broken out again and is loose near the Panhandle Trail in Pittsburgh back on his murder spree. Authorities have no clue what to do but Dr. Loomis is there to help guide detectives in the capture or killing of Myers to stop the unstoppable killer again. Well-acted and well produced music for the fan made film makes it one of the better “Halloween” fan made features I have seen over the years as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Babes in Psycho Land (DVD) – Two of my favorite filmmakers are back as the feature is directed by the intelligent David Silvio and produced and written by his equally talented wife Diana Silvio. The film is a simple story about Mary trying to reopen her home for foster kids and Andy trying to deal with his bizarre issues. Apparently some time ago Andy’s twin Alex and a girl named Jenny that Andy had a crush on were killed. So anytime Andy comes in contact with a female like Officer Piper Paisley, he believes it is Jenny and swears he won’t hurt her. But it always ends horribly wrong and as Officer Paisley gets pulled into this bizarre world of Mary, Andy, and the foster home she begins to enjoy it too much. Andy finding females again Mary, head of the house is not at all happy but Mary has her own bizarre issues as she is told she may not reopen. The movie rides the edge of sanity really well as it brings you into a bizarre world of you are not sure who the actual victim is and gives you that wonderful uneasy feeling in the pit of your stomach. Kiss of Death Productions once again makes a film that cannot be classified but is must-see independent film that is a cut above most. The whole cast plays their roles perfectly including those of Jack and Cassandra at the end of the film. The Silvios don’t make films for everyone but they do make films for people who are looking for something different and interesting every time out. I give this cringe-worthy movie 3 ½ out 4 stars.

 

Warrior of the Lost World (VHS) – Robert Ginty is a man who rides his super cycle through the Wasteland that might be the only hope for what’s left of mankind. As he rides he is chased by a brutal police force of the ‘Omega’ where he is forced to drive into a wall of rock. Lucky for ‘the rider’ aka Robert Ginty he is pure or at least according to Fred Williamson and ‘the elders’. He has been chosen to help infiltrate the ‘omega’ and help a man escape who is being tortured by the leader Donald freakin Pleasence! Sounds fun, has a great cast, a talking motorcycle, but somehow doesn’t translate into cinema gold? David Worth who is also known for giving us “Shark Attack 2 & 3”, “Kickboxer”, and “Hazard Jack” didn’t seem to have much to work with in Italy but did his best. I give this flick 2 stars as the cast outshines the hokey film.

 

The Park is Mine (YouTube) – Totally forgot how good this film is starring Tommy Lee Jones as a Vietnam vet Mitch who has lost a friend recently. The friend’s dying wish is for Mitch to use his plan to take over Central Park for a few days till Veteran’s Day. His hope is people will take notice and appreciate what these vets did and stop being mistreated. So Mitch goes ahead with the plan unsure if it would work but it does. He asks the commissioner to give him 72 hours to keep the park empty. That is all well and good until the deputy mayor gets involved and things begin to get messy. All the deputy mayor wants is Mitch to die and go away especially when he sends in two mercs to take him down. But meanwhile a reporter with a camera gets in the park and gets to videotape what Mitch is trying to do. I give this film 3 ½ stars and its message of how Vietnam vets were forgotten and mistreated is still relevant today.

 

The House That Would Not Die (DVD/YouTube) – A 1970 TV movie where Ruth and Sara inherit a home that was built in the late 1700s. Apparently Ruth’s cousin took a liking to Ruth when she was young and left the house to her. But the old Campbell house has a haunting history and strange things begin to happen to Sara after a fun séance is done and a spirit enters Sara. The problem is restless spirits live beyond a fake wall in the basement that seeks answers for their peaceful death slumber. A very PG-rated paranormal film is the best thing I can say about the old TV movie as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

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