Gross Movie Reviews #452

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Gross Movie Reviews #452

 

Horror of Dracula (DVD) – One of the early Hammer films that made Hammer a household name in 1958. The classic starred Peter Cushing as Van Helsing and Christopher Lee as Dracula and became the magic formula that a generation of horror fans cherished. And still do. Up until this film people only knew of Universal Studios version of Dracula. The original film was good but was a little boring at times. This version took a little twist, added bright blood, and Cushing and Lee playing their roles to perfection made this film an absolute delight. Harker is sent to Count Dracula’s castle to see if the rumors are true and if so kill him. Harker fails but gets his diary out for Helsing to find and give him clues on what happened at the castle. Problem is Count Dracula now wants a new woman and heads out looking for Harker’s Lucy. No one believes Van Helsing about Count Dracula until he finds an undead Lucy trying to take a child to her crypt. This version of the Dracula films might be the first film I would introduce to a new fan of vampires. Don’t get me wrong Bela Lugosi was awesome but they upped the ante having Cushing and Lee at their peak. This film gets 4 stars all the way.

 

Halloween (Theater) – Remake, sequel, forgetting everything in the series? Take your pick as Blumhouse Productions goes the route of JJ Abrams “Star Trek” in bringing Michael Myers back for another installment. That’s the best way to describe it. But I will give you the long way about it also: Okay folks, first you are supposed to forget everything after the first film 40 years ago… Second, even though “Halloween II” took place the same night Halloween 1978, forget that too just in case. Third, no this isn’t a remake of “H20” even though there are a few scenes of déjà vu. Fourth, Laurie Strode and Michael Myers are not brother and sister which I believe they explain quickly and brilliantly during the film. Fifth, didn’t Laurie Strode die? Oh yeah, you were supposed to forget that too since you are not supposed to remember she died already in Part 8. Sixth, no Busta Rhymes and Michael died for good at the end of part 8 (if interested “Halloween: Resurrection”, remember don’t blame me). Seven, didn’t Rob Zombie start a new timeline? It’s very therapeutic for me to explain this.  Now with all that out of the way I absolutely fucking love this film. It felt like a part of the series part sequel/part renewing of original material. After The Babysitter Murders in 1978 Michael Myers was captured by the Haddonfield Police and Dr. Loomis. Since then Michael has been sitting in a maximum security asylum for the past 40 years and Laurie Strode has become a basket case doomsday prepper who suffers from surviving that night. A British podcast team comes asking questions on the 40th anniversary of the murders. Laurie is more concern as they are about to move Michael to a horribly tortuous secured facility where he will live out the rest of his life not saying a word. They show him the mask and it does get a reaction but still no words. It is believed that both Michael and Laurie only live to kill each other at this point? Of course Michael escapes and starts murdering spree going house to house until finding out where Laurie and her family is. This time Laurie is prepared! If you pay attention there is a lot of talk of Dr. Loomis, the school daze scene, Laurie Strode falling out the window and getting up, the people behind this really did their best to incorporate the first film. Including the opening credits! Simply it was nice to enjoy the series again without trying to reinvent the ‘Boogeyman’ as I give this 4 stars with a little hesitation for the mere reason I believe there is a couple different endings for this film and that MAKES ME INTRIGUED.

I Think We’re Alone Now (DVD) – A very interesting post-apocalyptic film that stars Peter Dinklage in a small town where a plague of sorts hit the world. He has been living there for some unknown amount of time cleaning out houses and burying the dead. Del catalogs everything and is at peace with the life of living alone. Then one evening fireworks go off and a car crash in town. Del gets up goes to investigate only to find a young lady with a gun and knocked out. Once awake he explains she should be on her way but Grace is looking for a home and just seeing the sights? The two get to know each other and Del accepts Grace’s presence into his peaceful world until it is shattered when he awakes and hears voices. He peaks downstairs only to meet her parents, sort of? As she asks for help from Del but refuses and leaves but he is told of a town that has gotten past the apocalypse and has returned to normal life again. It haunts him until he takes a drive looking for her. The film hints constantly at something more sinister is going on… This film gets 3 ½ stars from me as it comes up with a post-apocalyptic world that isn’t all about assless chaps, Eye-talians, zombies, and flesh eating viruses. This is something different that does not focus on the problem as just people existing and moving on.

 

Goosebumps 2: Haunted Halloween (Theater) – This story is somewhat separate from the first film but continues inside the Goosebumps universe. A couple of kids running an after school business called ‘The Junk Bros.’ are asked to clean out an old house where they find a trunk. The trunk holds an unpublished book from R.L. Stine/Jack Black called “Haunted Halloween”. Once they open it they unleash Slappy. Slappy is hell bent on making the book a reality and giving it the ending that has yet to be written? So on Halloween night Slappy and the Goosebumps got everybody running for their lives again as now Slappy wants his own mother. The kids are forced to not only save mom but defeat Slappy or it becomes ‘Haunted Halloween’ every day. The sequel introduces ‘The Haunted Mask’ and a few other Goosebumps characters we may have not seen in the first film but this one felt more like its own story. The first film felt more of an origin story to the “Goosebumps” story world. Of course it’s left open for a third but I will be surprised to see a third film unless it is “Horrorland” in theaters? The info that is circulating out there why this one took so long and why they didn’t have most of the main characters return from the first film was: conflicting schedules. Don’t worry Goosebumps fans the movie is still a lot of fun and might not have been the sequel I believe we all wanted… It is still very entertaining and gets 3 stars.

 

Lost Soul: The Doomed Journey of Richard Stanley’s Island of Dr. Moreau (Blu-ray) – An unbelievable documentary that dives right into the rumors and truth on what the hell really happened on the set of the remake of “Island of Dr. Moreau”. This is a subject if you were a horror fan, let me correct that a Richard Stanley you were nothing but excited for this project back in the mid-90s. “Hardware” and “Dust Devil” were amazing projects and breathed some much needed air into cinema. I believe the project was being remade for what the third time now but Stanley had some fresh ideas. But when the crew and Stanley started shooting that’s when all the weird stories began to happen, weird casting choices, Stanley being fired and disappearing, New Line Cinema wasting millions of dollars, etc. The stories seem to be urban myths as the internet wasn’t what we know it today. For the first time we get the whole story from everyone involved (mostly) and you decide: Richard Stanley completely crazy or just misunderstood and the project was forced to go down in flames from all involved? This is the type of documentary that gives you not only the inside look of how Hollywood people can lose their mind but how it can affect all involved. Great deep inside stuff on this disc and actually makes me want to revisit the remake just for the hell of it as I give the documentary 3 ½ stars.

 

Impulse (YouTube) – All you need to know folks is William Shatner as a very sleazy con man taking rich woman for their money! Hands down one entertaining mid-70s flick that I give 2 ½ sleazy Shatners. If you are a 70s film buff and haven’t seen this one? You will not be disappointed and thank YouTube for it.

Cannibal Tick (DVD) – William Long’s latest independent project is feature length and deals with mutations. There is an experiment with ticks by a good doctor who has been modifying their genetics. Making the tick an unstoppable eating machine! The good doctor knows this is some bad stuff he is working with and knows it’s only a matter of time before something bad happens with lab protocols not being followed. Of course the assistant has stolen the samples and the new cannibal tick gets out destroying everything. Now containment is almost an abandoned idea. I enjoy Mr. Long’s vision of what he wants on film. He doesn’t have the budget or crew to pull it off but still has the passion to bring it to life and see what happens. It has a few sound and pacing issues but just like early Polonia Brothers S.O.V. films Mr. Long still makes an entertaining film for us independent movie buffs as I give it 2 ½ stars. Check out the Facebook page for more info: www.facebook.com/Cannibal-Tick-129223514362159 .

 

Happy Death Day (DVD) – I put this film off for a good long time because it was PG-13 and just thought it would be another commercialized throw away horror film? I WAS WRONG! I got interested after seeing the sequel trailer feeling it was time to sit down and give this a try. Blumhouse Productions apparently knows what they are doing. I now put them with A24 studios in that segment of my mind when I see the label their films are must-see. Anyway the film centers around a college girl named Tree who keeps living her birthday over and over as she is killed during the day at some point. Think “Groundhog Day” the horror movie version. After several times of this happening she decides to use the day to investigate who is actually trying to kill her and see if she can stop it from happening. If she does she gets to live to see tomorrow. Simple horror movie but with great casting, characters you actually care about, and a horror that has no business being this damn good. Sometimes we or just I can drudge through some bad, boring, and downright worthless horror films but a gem like this is why I love horror movies. I give this wonderful horror film not meant for me and my age 3 ½ stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Grossfest 2 is coming… July 20, 2019, check our Grossfest Facebook page and www.grossfest.com for details and upcoming guests. #grossfest #grossfest2019

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Cannibal Tick premieres October 23rd!

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Dark Long Productions

Movie Premiere October 23, 2018

Johnstown Pa., 420 Main St.15901

The first showing of “Cannibal Tick” the movie. Two showings doors open from 5 to 9 PM. And admission is $3 .A portion of the proceeds will go to the wounded warrior project October 23, 2018 at the Bulldog Arena.

Gross Movie Reviews #421

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Gross Movie Reviews #421

 

Amityville: The Awakening (On Demand) – Jennifer Jason Leigh (Joan) has just moved her family to the legendary house that is famous for the murders that took place 40 years ago. Her kids do not know this at all but soon learn about it through school. Belle the oldest daughter begins to sense strange things in the home and begins to do more research. Joan on the other hand hopes that something happens so her comatose son comes back to life as this was her real reason for moving the family to this legendary house. Soon the twin brother has come back to the land of the living but lets his twin sister know that he is not alone and wants to die. This movie is not horrible and you get real weird vibe from watching it as it incorporates the real life murders and acknowledges that there have been movies made about the house. The original actually possesses Belle to start digging in the basement for “the red room”? The film is an interesting take for the series as there are numerous crappy sequels and a remake. Seriously this movie is worth taking a look at as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Thor: Ragnarok (Theater) – The third film in the Marvel series of the title character has him fighting for Asgard’s existence as his sister has come back home and father has died. In Odin’s death he has brought Loki and Thor closer together… maybe. But once the sister arrives and has disposed of the brothers she plans on conquering more realms. The planet Thor and Loki fall upon just happen to have The Hulk and a legendary warrior The Valkyrie. Once together they plan to go back to Asgard and save the people before they are destroyed. The film is of course a giant fun bag of popcorn and we all know it is a placeholder for the upcoming Avengers films. But what made the film good are two things: a) has this 80s retro feel and b) you don’t have to see the first two “Thor” films to know what exactly is going on. I give it 3 stars.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Death-Scort Service 2: The Naked Dead (DVD/Vimeo) – An escort named Michelle survived torture from a crazed killer a year ago and is trying to move on by being the best escort she can be. But the nightmare is not over as a new crazed killer kidnaps her and ends Michelle’s life with an electric saw to the vagina! Yes folks a saw to the babymaker, if you are going to watch a Sean Donohue flick you better come prepared especially in this film’s case… Independent sleaze, gore, and goo is Donohue’s calling card and there tons of it. A group of young escorts don’t care for the warnings or stories as they know if they don’t get naked they ain’t gonna make the money. But this new mysterious killer stays one step ahead of the new crop of working girls by killing them off in a more brutal way than the last. If you like your horror films sleazing, full of buck nakedness, and lots gooey gore this will be the feature for you gorehounds as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars. If curious of where to find this fine flick go on over to: www.thesleazebox.com or www.gatorbladefilms.com .

 

The Babyface Killer (YouTube) – A story of a man’s anger taking over after his woman loses their child before birth. They have been trying and finally it happens but bad luck comes along. The man slowly lets his anger build and gets upset over the littlest things until one day he sees a lovely pregnant woman out by the road. Then that is when he crosses the line, loses his mind, and goes dark… Great stuff again from Forte Films as I give the short film 3 out of 4 stars and you can find out more at www.fortefilmsentertainment.com .

 

Rage and Honor II: Hostile Takeover (DVD) – The 1993 film brings action star and legend Cynthia Rothrock back together again with Richard Norton. This time out Cynthia’s character is undercover as a banker trying to stop a crooked banker but it becomes much more when he is linked to a drug lord. If you are a Rothrock fan this flick will disappoint as it seems like they just wanted the name and not the person as most of the action in the movie centers around Norton’s character. Pretty much got wait through the whole lame ass movie for Rothrock to fight someone as I give the boring movie 1 star.

 

Better Watch Out (On Demand) – Ashley is a young woman about to move away and is going to babysit Luke one more time before she goes. Luke is a much younger teenager who has googly eyes for the beautiful Ashley. When Luke goes to finally make his move on the babysitter somebody has other ideas? A brick gets thrown through the window, a person peeking through the window, someone trying to scare the two. But it just so happens to be Luke’s best friend trying to help the ultimate plan of Luke’s of getting the girl. Nope Ashley is pissed at both Luke and Garrett. Luke snaps and ties up Ashley and wants to play a game of “Truth or Dare” and the things get even further out of hand when the ex-boyfriend shows up. Luke has the mentality “if he cannot have Ashley, no one can” and has the plan in place to pull it off… maybe? A very different and entertaining holiday flick that isn’t so much horror as a thriller but well worth watching over a plate of Christmas cookies. And for that I give it 3 stars.

 

Arsenal (DVD) – An older brother always watched out for his little brother since they were young. Now it’s time for the little brother to take care of his older brother. As the older brother has been kidnapped by a low grade town mobster who had a plan to get money out of the younger brother. Nic Cage who plays the disgusting idoit with the plan wasn’t expecting the older down on his luck brother to say no. The younger brother has four days to come up with $350,000 and is getting help from an officer of the law played by John Cusack. When it comes down to it the film is an above average direct-to-video action flick as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Kingsglaive: Final Fantasy XV (DVD) – An animated feature that helps feature the famous game characters in a struggle for world peace and stop a lost princess from being killed before marriage. To be honest haven’t played any of the Final Fantasy games probably since they started on Nintendo?! But the concept and the films always fascinated me and never a bad idea to check this animated features out as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Assassin’s Creed (DVD) – Another video game adaption to movies that does not live up to most fans’ expectations. There is a program for certain prison inmates who are sent to death. If their DNA is linked to some kind of ancestry of this clan of warriors this certain government project wants you to find this “egg”. This “egg” has a certain power if in the right hands that can rule the world. The inmate put to death but wakes up hours later in a secured facility where the public believes they are dead. Then some scientists mess with the brain trying to bring out the ancestor they are looking for? It’s weird but also too I was never a fan of the game so who knows as I give this time filler 1 ½ stars.

Killer Campout (DVD) – Its 1966 and this ugly dude is torturing a couple out in a remote area. After killing the man he gets all rapey with the woman and of course nine months later another ugly thing is born. The film moves along to 1989 where people have been disappearing out in the woods but could never be explained. Authorities are baffled but not concerned as much as some others are with the problem. So some horny ass lady thinks it would be cool to do group therapy out in the woods unknowingly ringing the dinner bell for the old ugly dude still stalking out in the woods! Has that “Madman, Don’t Go in the Woods, and The Forest” kind of feel to it. Lots of fun gruesome deaths and a small twist make this throwback slasher fantastically entertaining as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Mark of the Scorpion (DVD) – Andy J. Forrest is Bootleg Indiana Jones in 1936 treasure hunting. But Bootleg Indiana cannot even get started before he is thrown in jail because some reknob wants the known treasure hunter working for him out in the Sahara desert. The reknob French dude believes he needs Bootleg Indy for the possible Cleopatra crap he may have found? The film is no “Treasures of the Four Crowns” but the plot of Bootleg Indy spending most of the movie in prison is actually really fascinating. I give this foreign mid-80s flick 2 stars.

 

Missionary Man (DVD) – A bible carrying stranger rolls into town to mourn a friend who was murdered. Oh, it’s Dolph Lundgren and he wants justice and Tekla. A man named Reno runs the small Native American town and seems to be the root of the problem with the possible murder and controlling the local authorities. Dolph of course kicks ass in this updated “Pale Rider” action flick as I give it 3 stars.

 

The Peacekeeper (DVD) – Dolph Lundgren is Major Cross and now has become the keeper of the nuclear codes. After a terrorist attack on Cross, stealing the briefcase, and Cross presumed dead, the terrorists run to a missile solo that is being shut down. Wait a minute, Cross doesn’t die that easy as he will drive a car across building roofs and become one of the terrorists in order to get the codes back. A wonderfully entertaining mid-90s action film worth tracking down as I give it 3 stars.

 

The Cost of the Living (YouTube) – William Long has made a no budget flick about an apocalyptic love story. A man and a woman head off into the woods after the “Sickness” was destroying humanity. As long as they have each other the couple is happy and live forever. But with no budget movies sometimes editing is your best friend. If the movie is maybe made into short film format around 12 or 15 minutes it most likely works better. The 53 minute running time with not a whole lot happening gives it that dull feeling that makes you want to check out from watching the film. Mr. Long remember sir editing the film down is your what’s best as I give it 1 out of 4 stars.

 

Trespassers (DVD) – This fantastic short film is from Zane Hershberger (for the love of Rutger Hauer you know I am fucking that name up) and is a segment of a horror anthology called “10/31”. A couple is out at the local movie theater trying to enjoy a good scary movie but have picked a dud. So still looking for something to put a little fear in their lives on the best night of the year, Halloween they go for a drive out to a farm. This farm isn’t any farm it has a horrible history of a scarecrow popping mysteriously on the land and eventually Old Man Martin murdered his family and committed suicide. But what is about this creepy scarecrow that makes the local story so interesting this couple wants to know? Pretty creepy and well thought out Halloween short film reminds me of a cool little known horror flick from the late-80s called “Scarecrows” and for that I give 4 out of 4 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Independent horror fans it is coming… GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out www.grossfest.com for all the details!