This week we have our best podcast friend JON CROSS back to talk about the great flick WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS. And Tim and Kyle talk about 2 killer alligator flicks in CROCZILLA and ALLIGATOR. Also, we answer your questions, talk about all the great stuff we have been watching, and Kyle gets totally confused on his 80’s cop shows and who did or did not murder their wife.
Gross Movie Reviews #367
By Tim Gross
The Hybrid (DVD) – A film based in Russia where a man gets a chance to get out of prison if he leads a group of mercenaries and a scientist into a heavily guarded facility that happens to be underground in middle of Russia. They need the information and hosts from an experiment that involves alien DNA from rocks and human DNA. It’s an Old Russian experiment that was never shut down and some dark government personal want it now. Not too horrible of a sci-fi film but it has tons of issues like introducing characters and never going back to them??? But anyway if you pass over this one I totally understand as I give it 1 star.
Bone Tomahawk (On Demand) – Sid Haig and David Arquette are two unlikely criminals who happen to piss off some Indian/cannibal/troglodytes by walking through on their burial ground. Haig’s character is killed off and Arquette finds a small town Bright Hope looking just for a drink. Once questioned by the sheriff aka shot in the leg and the troglodytes or as I like to call them “chocodiles” (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chocodile_Twinkie use the link wisely to understand the yinzer coming out of my mouth) come to town and steal David and Patrick Wilson’s wife and butcher a couple people. So the sheriff and three others make the dangerous trek to where these things or chocodiles live in order to save Wilson’s wife. To give the film that more fun impact the sheriff talks to a Native American man who explains the troglodytes and explains why even the Indians are afraid of these oddities. The western gets a little long when the main characters travel but gets down right fucking brutal when the four come upon the troglodytes cave. A solid western and great to see Kurt Russell back to acting full time again as I give the film 3 stars.
Blood Frenzy (VHS/DVD-R) – A 1987 low budget slasher film of sorts where a doctor decides to take her six patients to the desert for therapy. Or we don’t have much of a budget so we are doing most of the movie in one location and shooting in five days… just saying. Things go terribly wrong one night when the patients wake up to one of them with their throat cut. Soon everyone is blaming everyone and the RV does not work any longer. Is it one of the crazies? Or is it something else? The film not watched by many but if you wondered the aisles of a ma and pa video store you most likely at least seen the bloody jack-in-the-box VHS cover. I give the film 1 ½ stars.
The Hateful Eight (Theater) – A bounty hunter is traveling to Red Rock through the snowy mountains being chased by another snow storm with a woman who he had captured and is seeing to hang. And this is a tale of how it all goes wrong as his wagon is stopped a couple times to pick up two travelers who are trying to escaped the snow storm and must stop at a cabin to settle for a couple days for the storm to pass by. Problem gets worse as there are a few more men waiting at the cabin like the others trying to escape the snow storm. The landscape is amazing, the characters are fun and interesting, and the music is awesome. The cast consists of Kurt Russell, Samuel L. Jackson, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Tim Roth, Michael Madsen, Bruce Dern, and Channing Tatum. Not the best western ever made but just like “Bone Tomahawk” I enjoy it for what it is as I give it 3 stars. And the gore flows freely throughout the flick.
Insidious 3 or Chapter 3 (DVD) – The movie is pretty much what you already know about the Lin Shaye psychic character. But just in case you were bored and didn’t catch on to this cheap cash-in, instead of moving the franchise forward they give you a prequel of why and how Miss Shaye’s character is back in the psychic business. I give the film 1 star.
Deadly Dreams (VHS/DVD-R) – Another lesser known horror film from 1988 about a college kid named Alex who is haunted by a man in a wolf mask who killed his parents over a decade ago. The man who was in the mask over a decade ago named Perkins killed himself shortly after but someone is back haunting Alex in reality and his dreams and is losing his grip of both. But not before Alex gets ahold of some redheaded boobage. I give the film 2 stars.
Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse (On Demand) – If you are a fan of “Zombieland” then you will be a fan of this hilarious tale of three scouts who must save their town from certain extinction. Three high school sophomores are on their usually Friday night campout where two of them are going to sneak off to their first high school party. But a zombie apocalypse gets in the way of that as several weird things begin to happen: dead deer gets up and leaves after being hit with their car, their scout master doesn’t show up at the camp out, zombie strippers, and the town has been evacuated. From there it is scene after scene of hilarious bloody zombies and zombie cats chasing the scouts. But if they do not get to the compound where people been evacuated too the town will be burned down by the military. I enjoyed the film because it centers on the scouts and that a certain point in your life the scouts are not fun anymore. And this just happens to take place when a zombie outbreak happened. I was a scout for a few years and like “Dogma” this film hits that soft spot in my heart so I thought it was a fun mess to watch over and over again as I give it 3 ½ stars.
The Janitor (DVD) – So after 13 bizarre deaths in the Generico offices the FBI is finally stepping in to try and solve who is murdering all the employees. Meanwhile, Lionel – The Janitor is angry but lives for his job and has been living in the janitor closet with his friend Mr. Growbo because their house burned down. But after Lionel’s office crush has quit her job he wants more: a relationship, a woman, a janitor’s job at the local sorority. But when Mr. Growbo screws Lionel out of the custodian job at the local sorority house Lionel wants revenge and there can be only one janitor. Pay close attention to the end of the film as you see a younger Judah Friedlander make an appearance screaming at Lionel. I give the film 2 stars.
Black Sea (DVD) – Jude Law stars in a very suspenseful film where he is fired from his submarine salvaging job and has nowhere to turn. But a best friend has an idea of what he could do if they can find an investor. Has Law’s character knows about a sunken Nazi U-boat that was filled with Nazi gold but is in international waters and no salvaging company wants to touch it. So after getting someone to invest into the mission Jude Law puts together a crew of misfits that just may pull off salvage like no other before that would set them all up for life. Well-acted and the suspense make this lesser known film a must watch for any cinema fans as I give it a well-deserved 3 ½ stars.
Extinction (DVD) – A zombie film, excuse me a viral outbreak film that just happens to star Matthew Fox and one of my favorite actors Jeffrey Donovan. Nine years ago the two were on a bus being taken to a safe zone by military until the shit hit the fan and all were attacked by the infected. Mathew Fox has a daughter that we see now in the snowy background is being taken care of by his brother played by Jeffery Donovan. It’s been years since the last infected sighting and the brothers refuse to communicate with each other even though they live next door to each other. But one day after a food run Mathew Fox’s character is attacked by a mutation? Is it an infected, human, they leave that one out there for you the viewer to decide and if bitten you do not change like before… You just get torn to pieces. These mutations are smarter, able to call to each other, and they can heal if not shot in the head. If there was a movie I could compare this flick to it would the recent Viggo flick called “The Road”. An interesting take on the zombie bloated genre that is worth taking a chance on especially with almost no advertising about the film. I give it 3 stars.
Evil Town (VHS/DVD-R) – A film that was released in 1987 but started film production in 1977 that stars James Keach. “Evil Town” had four different directors, footage of a Playboy Playmate running around nude added in 1985 for selling points, rumored to be three films put together as when they went to do reshoots certain characters died in real life, and the film was also titled at one point: “God Bless Grandma and Grandpa”. Saying all of that the film boils down to a town called, ‘Smalltown’, where travelers and hitchhikers go to disappear. Mainly because a scientist working off the books experiment that deals with anti-aging and the whole town is in on it as they are all over the age of 90! Weird film, bizarre history of the film being made, equals bad movie night at a horror fan’s home in the future as I give it 1 ½ stars just for being so god damn interesting.
P2: A New Level in Terror (DVD) – Angela is a high-level corporate employee working late on Christmas Eve. She believes she is the last to leave until a security guard tries to assist. Not paying attention Angela finds herself locked in the building and soon chained to a chair in the security office where this guard (Wes Bentley) is a stalker. From there the film uses the old cat and mouse formula. For me the film isn’t bad as much not as interesting as a “Road Games” or “Duel” or even the segment starring Lance Henriksen in “Nightmares”? But that is just me but I still give the suspenseful film 2 stars.
Tobe Hooper’s Night Terrors (VHS) – Robert Englund stars as the 4th century Marquis De Sade of which a cult is based on his book that shows up in Alexandria, Egypt 1993. Pretty much a bad movie I believe that was made for Showtime originally? Zoe Trilling plays a young woman named Genie who visits her father who happens to be an archeologist and she falls to a cult that is preparing her for those who believe. It’s weird and awful mostly, but Zoe Trilling being full frontal naked 50% of the film and a dude who rides a horse completely nude with his dong flapping everywhere keeps me watching till the end for no apparent reason. There is good reason this film has been buried and not talked about much as I give it 0 stars but give Mrs. Trilling a perfect 10!
Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………
You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!
Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.
This week we welcome back Mike Haushalter to the show. And since he is our resident James Bond expert we will be talking about the new 007 joint SPECTRE. We also discuss 2015’s COOTIES and the Jeff Burr directed anthology FROM A WHISPER TO A SCREAM a.k.a. THE OFFSPRING.
http://www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/
We’ve wanted to get this guy on the show… and he finally got the internet so here it is. Our good Friend and convention buddy RICK OF THE DEAD joins us to talk about something all 3 of us have in common. Working at a video store….. The sight, the smells, the customers, the drugs, all of it gets covered in this episode. So download it to learn the secret origin of piss video guy.
Gross Movie Reviews #366
By Tim Gross
No Tell Motel (DVD) – Honestly there wasn’t much to tell as cynical young folks are on a trip to party for the weekend. Until one gets angry and flips the RV and they find an old motel down the road that is supposedly haunted. From there it gets a little boring and the characters are not really likable as you rout for all of them to die before halfway mark of the film. But the film tries to be a horrible crossbreed of Paranormal and Slasher flick so go figure why the film doesn’t work? I give it 0 stars.
Time After Time (DVD) – A late 70s film that takes a wonderful and interesting take on Jack the Ripper. David Warner is Jack the Ripper and Malcolm McDowell is a person that happens to build a time machine and best friends with Jack. They go through time to 1979 where Jack finds himself more at home than his original century. The effects are dated but the story is brilliantly brought to life by these two actors making this movie well worth revisiting as I give it 3 stars.
Time Bandits (DVD) – A science fiction/comedy about a supreme being that has the power to cross times and dimensions. But some midgets/little people have stolen the power that allows them to travel and David Warner is pissed. Along the way a boy is wrapped up in the chaos of the time traveling. An early 80s cable movie staple that may have been lost in the shuffle of fun weird movies that could not decide if it’s a comedy, kids film, or just a plain sci-fi flick. The film is a who’s who of British actors as I give it 3 stars.
The House by the Cemetery (DVD) – Another of Fulci’s films that was a drive-in staple in cut up form and on VHS in the early 80s has just been restored and available for horror fan’s consumption. The film stars Katherine (Catriona) MacColl who starred in a few of Fulci’s most notable zombie flicks. Her husband is moving her and their son from New York to an old New England home to do research on a Dr. Freudstein. Never mind the dude is living aka undead and still looking to kill in the basement. After many warnings from a little girl and strange things McColl’s husband never p[picks up on Freudstein enjoys making a gory bloody mess everywhere. If possible the film is a little weirder than “The Beyond” but let that stop you from enjoying the movie on its new format and uncut. I give this Fulci film 3 stars, it’s not my favorite but worth watching the uncut version.
In The Hell of Dixie (DVD) – After some hunters of a hunting club have a quarrel with a man named Merrill; murders begin to happen one by one. The local sheriff believes it to be his deputy after the deputy is not promoted and a member of the hunting club. Bodies keep piling up and the deputy wants to clear his name and save his friends before there is no hunting club left. This independent film takes the long way around of making a slasher film. And when I say long I say 127 minutes… I believe the film’s biggest mistake was taking way too much time establishing the hunting club and its stale characters outside of the deputy. Most horror fans will check out about the 80 minute mark even with the half decent blood effects and story twist. The film needs to be edited down as not every movie especially horror doesn’t need to be as long as a Hollywood blockbuster. Once edited, I believe this film could be a leaner and meaner independent Southern treat it was meant to be? Otherwise if you need something to help you sleep this film is for you horror fans as I give it 1 out of 4 stars. The film is available at www.alternativecinema.com .
The Bone Garden (DVD) – Alice and her husband who have been married for a long time have new neighbors move in. One of which works at the same university her husband works at. Even Alice believes her husband is cheating on her especially urging from her best friend Alice is concerned with the new neighbors. She believes they are hiding something as days pass and young women begin to be missing. After Alice’s best friend convinces her into going out to the local bar she sees her husband’s car and is convinced he is cheating and takes upon herself to make herself available. She has a new guy in her life, the husband has been kicked out, and the dead bodies of the missing women are found in the neighbor’s house. Everything is right with the world? But Alice is not convinced it’s her neighbor anymore. This independent flick has a few references to the original “Halloween”, some good effects, and fun plot twists which make it a solid and entertaining horror film. It could be just me but what stops this good movie from being great was the music. At all times throughout the movie the soundtrack just didn’t fit the scenes or the flow of the film and for that I give the flick 2 ½ out of 4 stars. The film is available to order at www.alternativecinema.com .
Dead Rising: Watchtower (OnDemand) – A horror film based on a newer zombie game that surprised me it didn’t get a bigger release. News reporter Chase Carter and his cameraman/woman are in the heart of a city under quarantine as the government is trying to stop a new outbreak of zombies. The government is using ‘Zombrex’ which taken once a day can prevent people who have been bitten from becoming zombies. But the batch of ‘Zombrex’ is not working and chaos ensues as Chase gets separated from his camera woman and is now trapped in the quarantined city. Chase teams up with a woman whose ‘Zombrex’ works and wants to get the evidence of a cover up out to the public. Another zombie flick for the glut that does not quite separate itself out of obscurity but also isn’t horrible to watch as I give it 2 stars.
Reaper (DVD) – Interesting mess of a concept here? Vinnie Jones, Jake Busey, and Danny Trejo star in a film where a supernatural preacher/escapee/serial killer is killing people at The Last Chance Hotel. Was this the pitch in the meeting for this film: Okay we are remaking “Shocker” and “The Horror Show” in five days, a poster that makes no sense, and yinz all collect a paycheck? I give it 1 ½ stars, can’t help myself I like “Machete”!
See No Evil 2 (DVD) – The popular and very talented Soska sisters take on the sequel about the unstoppable killer Jacob Goodnight. The film picks up from the end of the first film where the body of Goodnight is taken to the morgue. But its Amy’s (Danielle Harris) birthday and she is done with work. She is about to go out the door to party with friends (Katharine Isabelle and others) but stays once hearing her friends are going to be swamped at the morgue. So the party is moved to the morgue. Once a couple begins to have sex next to Goodnight’s body disappears the killing never stops. Not sold on the “Halloween 6” type killing of Goodnight but did enjoy the slasher sequel more than most recent sequels aka “Laid to Rest 2” for example. Hope there is a third and hope the Soska sisters keep doing great work as I give the film 3 stars.
Final Girl (DVD) – The movie begins with a little girl sitting at a table in a blank room with a man asking her odd questions and hands her a maze to figure out. Veronica finishes it is asked if she wants to be a part of something many cannot do and she just wants ice cream. 12 years later Veronica is in training with her trainer, the same man that questioned her. He is preparing her for a situation where she will take on four vicious gentlemen who go hunting… for women. She meets with them and turns the table on the gentlemen. It’s a weird movie that exists in its own universe, doesn’t give back story, and you don’t if it’s a government experiment or something totally different. A horror film that not meant for you to think but the more you read into it you will. I enjoy fun little horror films like this you are not sure how to classify and make me want to revisit again and again as I give it 3 stars.
Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………
You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!
Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.
This week we are joined by our podcast friend AXL of PROFONDO CINEMA as he stops by to lend his expert advice and to send Kyle down the path of Burt Reynolds enlightenment as he watches the stunt show HOOPER for the first time. Also, Axl bring along a treat from the mid 80’s in the form of a stitched together anthology entitled NIGHT TRAIN TO TERROR starring Richard Moll and a bunch of naked ladies. And Tim has discovered a new flick in which one of our favorite dudes, DOLPH LUNDGREN punches a shark in the face in SHARK LAKE. And along the way we talk about some news stories, ramble on about what we have been watching, and ponder the whereabouts of a certain former co-host. So have fun and listen… Jan Michael Vincent would want you to.
http://www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/
Gross Movie Reviews #364
By Tim Gross
Fortress 2: Re-Entry (VHS) – Christopher Lambert is back in this sequel that lacks the excitement of the first prison outbreak movie. But it does have the cheese quality as this one takes place ten years in the future and he has been caught again and place in a prison in space. Did I mention Pam Grier makes an appearance, she is no Jeffrey Combs in the first flick but it is always cool to see Pam in these types’ cheesy flicks? All Lambert wants to do is escape and get back to his family as I give it 2 stars.
Elvira Presents: Dead of Night (VHS) – A Thriller Video Production that has Elvira hosting an anthology film from the late 70s that were all stories based on Richard Matheson works. First one is about time travel, the second is about vampires, and the third story is the creepy one as it’s about a woman who brings her dead kid back to life. The film doesn’t play out like a hardcore horror anthology like a “Creepshow” or “Tales from the Crypt” but more like an “Amazing Stories” episode and still a lot of fun to watch. I give it 3 stars.
Teen Alien (VHS) – A low budget film from 1978 that is like a mid-west after school special. In the 50s something landed up at the Old Mill. It has been quiet for 20 years until now when the alien decides to turn itself into a kid and visit the local town’s school population. It finds out his home ‘the old mill’ is about to be used as a ‘spook alley’ for Halloween by some teenagers. Once the kids are inside it slowly terrorizes the kids. Fun crappy 70s cheesy goodness for the soul as I give it 2 stars.
My Crepitus (VHS) – The independent film is from 2000 and apparently considered the first film of filmmaker Michael Maggot aka Michael Todd Schneider. The film was rereleased in a very limited VHS format under its original title “I Never Left the White Room”. So apparently the VHS I found in my basement is one of its kind (sort of)? But anyway the best way to describe Mr. Maggot’s first feature a slow, bizarre, visually crazy twisted overload of the horror senses. A man named Jeffery has lost his mind and the film takes you down the rabbit hole that is Jeffery’s madness. If there is one thing I have learned watching Mr. Maggot’s films they are an entity of its own as his film are always something different and something you may never see again… I give the truly bizarre feature 2 ½ out of 4 stars.
Beyond the Door III (VHS) – Thought I found another true sequel to a series of films that lack everything in an entertaining horror film and I was right. But the film is also known as “Amok Train”. A young lady named Beverly heads of on a class field trip to Belgrade, Serbia for some weird centuries old ceremony. Once there she is put to sleep while her friends are boarded up and set on fire in these huts. Most escape to get on a train for the next 70 minutes that apparently is possessed and fucks all kinds of shit in front of it and can drive across swamps! Weird unentertaining shit, but it was a sequel and in my DNA I was put on this earth to witness this kind of crap as I give it 1 star.
Cannibals (VHS) – Jess Franco’s 1979 version of a cannibal movie as the film has had several titles: Cannibal Girl and White Cannibal Queen are the popular titles. A family is shipwrecked on an uncharted island that just happens to have cannibals. The tribe eats the mother to death, eats the father’s arm, and takes their little girl to make their own. Many years later the father struggles to put together an expedition together to go find his little girl. Whose now all grown-up, topless, and getting raped by the top warrior of the cannibal tribe. We are talking family entertainment my friends. Somewhat boring but has a few disgusting cannibal moments that will warm a gore hound’s heart. I give the film 2 stars.
Taken 3 (DVD) – Liam Neeson decides it’s time to reboot “The Fugitive” without Tommy Lee Jones but with Forest Whitaker. Somewhat disappointing as I give it 2 stars.
The Hollow (DVD) – Yes, I know I keep finding movies that have this title and if keeping track I believe this is the third or maybe the fourth but anyway it’s about the Headless Horseman of course. Ichabod Crane’s descendent has to save the small town of Sleepy Hollow as the Headless Horseman returns according to Stacey Keach as the caretaker. But Crane’s descendent denies that the legend can be true until he is actually faced with the demon throwing pumpkins at him. The film also has some famous familiar young faces. If possible the film is more like a “Goosebumps” entry into the Headless Horseman lure but a good watch for all horror movie fans as I give it 3 stars.
The Divide (DVD) – This 2011 film stars Michael Biehn as the super of an apartment building that several tenants rush to the basement with Biehn’s character to lock themselves in as nuclear war has broken out and destroyed the world above them. Not long after settling in someone comes knocking on the door and its men in biohazard suits that shoot a couple people and steal the lone child of the group. After that which seemed like an amazing bad ass film becomes a stupid boring useless entry into the nuclear war genre of film. The film either lacked funds or brains behind the project ( I will go with brains) and was most likely the factor the film went unnoticed by many including Hollywood. The film is one of the bigger disappointments in my recent movie watching as I give zero stars for fucking up a good concept!
Pound of Flesh (DVD) – Jean-Claude Van Damme goes to China to donate one of his kidneys to his niece. But the night he gets there he hooks up with an escort and his kidney gets taken. Now it’s a race against time as he must find his kidney so his niece can survive which we also find out is actually his kid because he banged his brother’s wife ten years ago! Completely unrealistic shit that I love seeing JCVD in as I give it 3 stars.
Exists (DVD) – Some twentysomethings take off deep into the woods to their uncle’s remote cabin. Their uncle has not been to the cabin in years because of something he saw. Once there the young-ins has some fun but hear some horrible noises but think nothing of it. But one of them films everything and begins to capture or notices some strange images in the background and believes its Bigfoot. The film dude believes this because the night before their truck hit something and possibly wounded it. But now it’s too late as Bigfoot starts terrorizing them at the cabin and it wants blood! Reminds me a little of “Embedded” and this sasquatch film is so much more interesting than “Willow Creek” as I give it 3 stars.
Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………
You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!
Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.
BINGE AND PURGE on 2 new episodes over at www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com FIRST we welcome back DANNO KLONOWSKI to talk about THE GREEN INFERNO, KNOCK KNOCK, and MOONSTALKER. Then Kyle and Tim talk about the metal head masterpiece that is DEATHGASM and the awesome Halloween-time flick KENNY AND CO.
IT’S SWEEPS WEEK! And episode 180 is the first new episode in a week long run of new episodes. T-Shirt Joe has escaped being captured in a dinosaur warehouse to join us in talking about BEST SELLER. Kyle talks about the first movie that he ever saw in SUPERFUZZ. And Tim talks about the newest installment of a beloved series in TREMORS 5: BLOODLINES. So download this episode or you will get infested by assblasters.
http://www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/
Gross Movie Reviews #362
By Tim Gross
Kenny and Company (DVD-R/YouTube) – So who would of guessed the man that gave us such an evil but bad ass film in “Phantasm” would do a coming of age film in 1976 centered a kid named Kenny and Halloween. We all got start somewhere and Don Coscarelli started with this film. It’s not a horror film at all but more of your typical 70s ‘after school’ special about Kenny and his best friend trying to build a car for soapbox derby, overcome bullying, girls, and having Reggie Bannister as a teacher. The film is a little dated but a lot fun if you were born during the 70s and worth tracking down. I give the film 2 stars.
The Magnificent Seven (DVD) – This was one those films that had always been on my list to watch as I am a huge fan of “The Good, the Bad, the Ugly”. Plus, Eli Wallach is a bad ass who bullies a small Mexican village ever year before harvest time. Well, the village has had enough sending the women and small children to live in the shadows as the farmers do the work but send three men out to buy guns. They come across a no bullshit gunslinger played by Yul Brynner. Yul is the man before Clint’s ‘The Man with No Name’ character showed up in 60s spaghetti westerns. Yul decides the poor farmers need help more than he needs money but it just can’t be himself that takes on Eli Wallach and his bandits. All-star cast in Charles Bronson, Steve McQueen, James Coburn, and a young Robert Vaughn makes movie just perfect to watch. It is a piece of cinematic history as I give it 4 stars and do yourself a favor of watching it at least once before you die!
Deathgasm (OnDemand) – Best movie of 2015 outside of “Mad Max: Fury Road”! We got gore, death metal, demons, and it is made in New Zealand… Perfect! Brodie is a teenager that is screwed since he got sent to live with his aunt and uncle because his mom decided to do drunken sexual favors to a mall Santa! So now living in the middle of ‘Ass Fuck’ nowhere Brodie tries to make friends with the local nerds Dion and Giles and just happens to have a crush on his dickhole cousin David’s girlfriend Medina. Who later on we find out is a pure bad ass. So Brodie scopes out the local record shop and meets Zaak. Immediately they become blood brothers and start a death metal band. The two just happen to stumble upon satanic sheet music in an album protected by a musician named Rikki Daggers. Brodie then figures out how to play the sheet music after getting his ass kick by his cousin and bring forth demons that will put the whole world in darkness. Once it happens and demons take over almost everyone in the nowhere town Brodie must find a way to stop it with help from his friends. Highlights from the film include: the quote “Do Demons recognize Day Light Savings Time”, a fight with demons that involves sex toys, and a music shop psychic. Everyone involved from cast to crew is awesome for putting this film together. The 16 year old metalhead still inside me was ready to throw up the devil horns and start thrashing after this fun 4 star movie.
American Ninja 5 (DVD) – Hell yeah I found it folks! David Bradley is the man in this PG-13 rated 1993 direct-to-video film that also stars Pat Morita. Bradley is reluctant to talk about his ninja ways until his girlfriend is kidnapped and taken hallway across the world. So Bradley and a young boy he is stuck with that weekend stowaway on the bad guys’ plane and save his girlfriend. Boring but definitely a possible precursor to “Power Rangers” as there are multiple colored ninjas fighting David Bradley. I give the film 1 star.
Violent Shit III: Infantry of Doom (DVD-R) – The film is also called “Zombie Doom” but that doesn’t matter as Karl the Butcher returns again in this German produced independent feature. Karl now has a son to help and they live on a small island where they train to be Karl disciples. The cult finds three shipwrecked men who are disposed of quickly by torture and a game of death involving the disciples chasing them on the island. But no fear some random ninjas just happen to be on the island and Dr. Senius has made a shitload of zombies to attack Karl the Butcher and crew. Oh did I mention Karl’s son owns a double barrel shotgun with unlimited bullets. Not as entertaining as the second flick but I still found some humor in this movie existing as I give it 1 ½ stars.
Shark Lake (DVD) – Dolph Lundgren is Clint Gray who gets arrested for selling illegal exotic animals. Five years later, the deputy that arrested him has his daughter and there is a shark or sharks eating the locals. Now, Clint has to protect his daughter from his former employer and must get the deputy to not arrest him while trying to capture or kill the sharks. The effects are just downright horrendous and story seems kind of choppy. But we do get to see Dolph punch a shark in the fucking face so there’s that. I give it 1 ½ stars.
The Hollow (DVD) – A great concept about a 100 year Halloween storm and a fire creature but it three whiny sisters that you will want to die in the first five minutes. The whining is non-stop in this “should have been a lot better” Halloween-themed feature. I give the film 1 star.
Robocop (DVD/remake) – So I finally sat down to watch Snake-eyes fight crime in the future. It’s a little harsh but come on Hollywood once again remade a violent classic. But I gave it a chance and was not disappointed but if anything this flick would help my argument of just continuing the series and not rebooting it. This time around its 2028 and politicians are fighting over robots being the police force in America even though it has worked so well in other countries. So Michael Keaton and crew agree on making a cyborg to win the people’s vote. This version goes for giving a more non-violent and family man “Robocop” than the original. The film has its moments and was a pleasant surprise how watchable it was but what it misunderstood about the original concept from 1987 is it’s over the top violence but also its cheesy commercials which made the film a classic. What also did not help the reboot of the film was the main villain was killed halfway through the film leaving the new Robocop just tying up loose ends. Now that I have gotten older I have try to give remakes a second watch, a second thought, or just a chance but still doesn’t mean they are good. I am glad I watched it as I give it 2 stars.
Night Train of Terror (YouTube) – This 1985 film has been rumored to be two or three films smashed into one… Spookies anyone? But in this film God and Satan ride a train where they discuss three cases and decided who gets who when they are dead. The film is weird, has a lot of Claymation, has Richard Moll, and looks like most of it was shot in 1979. And by the way that weird bootleg Jane Fonda workout music video that was going on in the train didn’t make a lick of sense but I still give the chaos of a film 2 stars. If interested, the film has finally seen the light of day on Blu-ray.
Slimy Little Bastards (YouTube/DVD) – A cheapie but goodie from independent actor turned independent filmmaker Dave Parker gives us a film about a curator who tries to help a gentleman in need as his van “took a poop’ on him. While the curator looks for a car jack for the gentleman he tells him three stories about rare small creatures he likes to collect: ‘Organic Shit’, ‘Brain Busters’, ‘The Crusties’. If you are a Dustin Wayde Mills fan you will notice a couple familiar faces along with Dustin acting in front of the camera for Mr. Parker. The film is a gooey fantastic entertaining fun ride that doesn’t over stay its welcome in the anthology film world. I believe Mr. Parker did a fine job of giving independent fans something fun to add to their collections as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars. Plus I couldn’t stop laughing when a character in the last story pointed to a toxic shitfrog and ask “is that a jugaloo?”
From Whisper to a Scream (DVD) – One of my favorite filmmakers Jeff Burr got a chance to direct Vincent Price in this anthology that was very early in his career. But also I have always known this film as “The Offspring” with its creepy box art from 1987 of a small creature peeking out of a tear in the picture. Vincent Price plays a librarian who chronicles stories of the small town Oldfield. He begins telling them to a woman posing as a journalist questioning Price’s character on his niece’s execution. First story deals with an old dude having sex with a corpse and surprise comes nine months later. Second story deals with a man who wants immortality after he is brought back to life after being left for dead. Third story is about a freakshow romance that ends in buckets of gore and sadness. And the last story is about the Civil War ending and some Union soldiers having the tables turned on them when they come across some children fending for themselves. A lesser known but a very solid anthology that gets lost in the shuffle when horror fans recall some of their favorites. But believe me with its new release on DVD/Blu-ray many horror fans will be happy and it will make many more with its availability as I give the film 3 stars.
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This week Tim returns from our favorite convention CINEMA WASTELAND with tales of drinking, debauchery, and sexual transmitted diseases. We also get around talking about the VHS collecting scene, Beer, Bigfoot, the old school game show Press Your Luck, Whammies, No Whammies, and Kyle hates an exploitation classic. We cover the flicks MY BROTHER HAS BAD DREAMS and MS. 45.
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