Gross Movie Reviews #417

 

Good Morning Carlos (Vimeo) – A short film from Brazilian filmmaker Gurcius Gewdner, that sets up a feature length film. Say that dude’s name a few times. The short film introduces the audience to Carlos, a man who apparently does not eat enough fruit and fiber according to his doctor. Carlos calls the poor doctor 4am crying and screaming then disappears throughout the city holding his stomach and puking disgusting cream corn. It’s weird, a little disgusting, but sets you up for the feature as I give this 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Pazucus: Island of Vomit and Despair (Vimeo/DVD) – This is the 110 minute vision of the “Good Morning Carlos” fleshed out. Now it took me a little bit to understand what the hell was going on but I am a dumb American and chose to watch the feature before the short film. If I would have did it in reverse no problem. But anyway Carlos is having bowel issues and his doctor is not too happy with Carlos calling him in the middle of the night. As Carlos bleeds, pukes, and drools all over the local streets, Carlos’ doctor is busy stalking a grocery store and random people thinking they are Carlos. Once he has them he kills them in various ways as he keeps stalking Carlos. Meanwhile Carlos keeps puking his way to an island where folks are making out on the beach and partying. Here is where it gets a little weird not that this film wasn’t already a complete chaotic fun mess but while Carlos is wallowing in a poopy stream but an extra from “Cannibal Holocaust” finds him! This Amazon woman screams hugs, screeches, etc. at Carlos to help him with his shit monsters inside of him. Yes people, ‘Shit Monsters’ and they are the sign of the apocalypse! Once Carlos poops out the shit monsters they begin a killing spree including Carlos’ doctor. This film is amazingly very disgusting and not for the weak minded. It says in the credits it was inspired by Frank Hennelotter and Roger Corman but I would like to throw in a little Troma? My only real complaint with this crazy ass weirdness is I believe it could have found a happy medium between the short film running time and the feature length (110 minutes) running time but outside of that this film will find its audience as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Night Claws (DVD) – David A. Prior of S.O.V. “Sledgehammer” fame apparently made a Bigfoot film a few years back. It was pretty solid! Bigfoot stalks a small town Alabama woods and it’s pissed off and bloodthirsty. Small town sheriff struggling for answers begrudging allows Professor Sarah Evans along for the ride to help out. But as the bodies pile up and the professional hunter stalking Bigfoot it cause issues for the small town sheriff to stop the murderous rampage of the beast. Seriously the movie surprised me of how solid the story was as most lower budgeted Bigfoot movies are usually hot garbage. Not Mr. Prior’s vision, kudos to you sir and thank you as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (DVD) – If there is such a thing as hate watching I did it with every fucking entry into this stupid zombie series. We come to find out of course it all comes back to Raccoon City or now what looks like a rejected set from “The Walking Dead”. And Alice must rush back to ‘The Hive’ to get the airborne cure for the T-virus to save the world. One question: Can this series be remade now by someone that actually knows the video game characters and knows how to make a zombie movie or we gonna suffer a pseudo-reboot in about four years starting all over again with Mila? So again I give this crap as this might be the only thing I hate more than stupid fucking boring ass Mothra!

 

Foreword (YouTube) – A very good actor/director Michael McCallum’s latest short film that was entered into the Detroit 48 hour film fest. As usual Michael McCallum gives us a dramatic and smart short film in “Forword”. An author who has written much lately sends a postcard to himself that can change his life? I give it 4 out of 4 stars.

The Dark Side of the Womb (Vimeo/DVD) – The film begins with a woman giving birth and a nurse of course helping her along. Problem or usually isn’t but in this case it is as the woman is having twins. She doesn’t give a flying turd about the second child as the first child is a child of a war hero and should be cherished. The other should be thrown away? 30 years pass and the cool and good looking brother goes out to meet his girlfriend but instead meets death from two murderous clowns. Meanwhile, a bigger woman named Linda gives birth to an adult head but her boyfriend just fell and has caused brain death so head transplant by Dr. Hook’s best friend who does bizarre surgeries. And we get one of the greatest quotes from an independent film: Dr. Hook says, “I know a guy who does bizarre transplants!” So the ugly twin Ed and Linda meet at Doctor Hook’s office one day and it is love at first sight until Linda’s ex now a killer clown comes a knocking… The people that were casted as Ed and Linda were an absolute treat to watch. Sam Salerno’s feature is hilarious, bizarre, and ridiculous and I enjoyed it as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Twelve Pole (YouTube/DVD) – Sam Hodge set out to make an independent feature that has a group of innocent house flippers buying a house to fix up and sell. Seems like easy cash so after a quick decision they buy it but need someone to stay at the house and wait not only for them to bring tools back in a few days, but the electric guy, locksmith, etc. Will gets stuck staying there so he convinces his girlfriend to stay with him but after one night of strange noises and someone grabbing her she leaves. The guys get back a few days later and Will looks like shit but gets back in the groove after he buries some witchcraft shit he found. Or he thinks he buried all of it. The group of friends begins to turn on each other and just brutally mangle each other until there is only one of them left? The film is well structured and definitely has that fun creepy feel but it’s almost 105 minute running time needs cut down to 75 minutes in my opinion to keep that cool and creepy feel of the trailer for the flick. Sam Hodge and others made sure there are likable characters and great gore scenes but I believe the film needs condensed some as the conversations/dialogue do get dull. With that in mind it is a rough cut and I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

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